My mother flows between most of these styles. However, she's a narcissist with Hystrionic PD and potentially something else. I'm just now ar 36 years old taking my life in my own hands and setting boundaries. It's been very difficult because narcs hate boundaries and it's isolated me from most of the rest of my family on her side. So dad, but we have ONE LIFE to live.
I can totally relate to you.serously my birth mother is a Narc,and I believe personalty disorder of some sort.Sge I'd jealous of me and is abusive all the way around.You stay true to you lady.Get therapy,read and believe in your gut instinct.God Bless you
I hope that in this century, it will become common knowledge, how to raise kids to become emotionally healthy adults. Amazing that so many still live in the dark ages.
Thanks Terri, I recognize many familiarities in this. I think my mom was self focussed, too much of a friend, and perfectionistic. She didn't stand up for me either in childhood, and I don't think our family was child-focused, especially when we sold our perfectly good, middle-class home where I had grown up, because they wanted a huge new house they had designed, when my grandmother died. It was not in my school catchment zone and I became isolated at 13. My opinions were actively minimized, mainly by my father, and mother said nothing. Then the more he abused her, the more I tried to protect her, going so far as to suggest that we needed to move out. As a teen I always had to look good so it reflected well on her, she got drunk in front of me and told me she would have left my father sooner if the sex hadn't been so good, she even picked my clothes for holidays. When I was 17 or 18 I came home to find her and her boyfriend's clothes all over the living room, and the bedroom door suddenly slammed. Ew gross! She did apologize, but still! When I was 20 she started charging me rent, and we were like trains in the night or roommates. Both single, both going out and meeting men, hardly seeing each other. I lent her money once when she was hard up. She threatened to kick me out when I quit my job. She also has, in my 30s and 40s, completely inserted herself into my life, and became my best friend. I even told my last boyfriend that my mom was my best friend. But she shamed for things as well, my inability to say no and my lack of a career, and she did her best to control my choices. I am not secure in my decision making, and I do have the problem of external validation. So no I don't think she was very good mother after all. I have cut off contact with her now since she told me I'm going to hell. She also thinks she has 100% access to my residence my person and my things. Says I'm mean if I say otherwise. And she uses pity plays/ 'poor little me' a lot. Whenever she feels she's losing ground she plays the victim. Time for me to separate and individuate. Long overdue.
Thank you for this, my mom is so erratic and self focused but also heavy handed on criticism and rejecting. As an adult I have a weak sense of self and crave external validation and have trouble regulating. Working on building all of those skills.
Thank you for this Terry, painful subject. I needed to get 50 years to get my motherwound and his effects clear. Unpredictable and hypercriticical was my mother. I cut all ties last year with both my parents and starting to be my own mother, getting to know myself ..... happy about this but will always be longing for a mother i think. I do my best with my 2 beautiful children, but i know they also suffer from codependency. Hope to break out of this generational stuff. Love and light to everyone for mothersday.
I'm new Terri! I found you through Ross Rosenberg's channel. I'm listening closely to your boundary advice and wisdom. My mother was and is mentally ill and was driven by her own personal goals and needs. I lived with my grandparents until I was 9, so my Nana was my first mom. I had no siblings and father or contact with his family (until recently). I only lived with my mom until 15 when I went off to private school. I stuck by my mom's side until her abuse became too unbearable only 6 months ago. (I thought my purpose in life was to take care of her.) When your family is just the mother, she has parts of all of the types.
i went through the end results of your story recently. I had to cut my own father off and i felt so guilty about it. The real question is why to i have to cut ties with people they should respect me enough to never get to that point. Education is the only way otherwise they will manipulate you.
Thank you Terri for continuing to make this content. I know your channel is geared more towards women but im a 28yo HSP Male and all your videos that I've watched resonate with me also. I have a emotionally neglectful mother that now has a hoarding addiction. I've just now come to the conclusion why so many negative things have happened in my life and why I can't seem to overcome them but im getting the help now in therapy.
Terri, I just ended my engagement and your book arrived at the same time and it had really been illuminating for me. Thank you for helping me keep my boundaries.
I find that my mother wound is actually just a father wound. Overly critical. Perfectionist type. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on father wounds and how they can impact you. I appreciate your words of wisdom so much. Your work has absolutely impacted me in such great ways. I am growing and learning more about myself everyday. I have better boundaries with others and am learning to accept others boundaries so much more as well. Thank you for all you do! It is life changing ♡♡♡
God Bless You Terri you are so wise and helpful and a real blessing.Thank you for helping us women and men too,but you are a real therapist.Blessibgs to you . Happy Mother's Day
Thank you for this episode 🙌💗 Definitely I am parentified child. In addition, my mother was a bundle of several other types you described. A tryly painful experience. Feels like I had never had a mother at all. I just spent 40 something yeras being a narcistic supply for a woman who was a disturbed child herself. 🥺🥺
Thanks for this video, Terri. My relationship with my mother is a good, solid one, but it's my older sister that seems to fit all of these traits. I have been seeing many of these scenarios play out between my sister and my niece. Honestly, their relationship is so explosive and emotionally abusive (in my opinion) that I have to limit my interactions with them. I am an HSP, empath, co-dependent, and their drama tends to seep into my life most days, but I have been getting so much better at setting the limit and implementing boundaries to protect myself. I wish I knew how to help and protect my niece from my sister's chaos.
Thank you for this message. I first heard you on HerMoney a few months ago and that conversation finally spurred me to seek the professional counseling I have needed for a long, long time. This Mother's Day will be the first Mother's Day with a new way of thinking about and behaving in the relationship I have with my mom. This video really resonates with me in giving me the words and examples to understand the impact that dynamic has had on me, my mental health and how I show up as a mother to my children. Thank you!
Terri, new here. Thank you for being there. I have a pic of you now, looking at for support while processing my emotionally and menrally underdeveloped narclike mom. #parenterfiedmother
I listened about 80% of the way through analyzing myself as a mother - what have I done wrong or right etc.. before I realized ..hey, I had a mother and she removed herself from my life completely 17 years ago on my first daughter’s 1st birthday - because I set a boundary with her. She never contacted me ever after that. What do you call that wound? My mentally troubled & abusive father committed suicide when I was 19. What do you call that wound? Do you have a course for all of this? If so, sign me up.
Hi there -- I have a short vid on the father wound: czcams.com/video/9Q9mPfNtzZ0/video.html I also have a 90-minute workshop recording available here www.terricole.com/fatherwound/.
My mother flows between most of these styles. However, she's a narcissist with Hystrionic PD and potentially something else. I'm just now ar 36 years old taking my life in my own hands and setting boundaries. It's been very difficult because narcs hate boundaries and it's isolated me from most of the rest of my family on her side. So dad, but we have ONE LIFE to live.
I can totally relate to you.serously my birth mother is a Narc,and I believe personalty disorder of some sort.Sge I'd jealous of me and is abusive all the way around.You stay true to you lady.Get therapy,read and believe in your gut instinct.God Bless you
I hope that in this century, it will become common knowledge, how to raise kids to become emotionally healthy adults. Amazing that so many still live in the dark ages.
Thanks Terri, I recognize many familiarities in this. I think my mom was self focussed, too much of a friend, and perfectionistic. She didn't stand up for me either in childhood, and I don't think our family was child-focused, especially when we sold our perfectly good, middle-class home where I had grown up, because they wanted a huge new house they had designed, when my grandmother died. It was not in my school catchment zone and I became isolated at 13. My opinions were actively minimized, mainly by my father, and mother said nothing. Then the more he abused her, the more I tried to protect her, going so far as to suggest that we needed to move out. As a teen I always had to look good so it reflected well on her, she got drunk in front of me and told me she would have left my father sooner if the sex hadn't been so good, she even picked my clothes for holidays. When I was 17 or 18 I came home to find her and her boyfriend's clothes all over the living room, and the bedroom door suddenly slammed. Ew gross! She did apologize, but still! When I was 20 she started charging me rent, and we were like trains in the night or roommates. Both single, both going out and meeting men, hardly seeing each other. I lent her money once when she was hard up. She threatened to kick me out when I quit my job. She also has, in my 30s and 40s, completely inserted herself into my life, and became my best friend. I even told my last boyfriend that my mom was my best friend. But she shamed for things as well, my inability to say no and my lack of a career, and she did her best to control my choices. I am not secure in my decision making, and I do have the problem of external validation. So no I don't think she was very good mother after all. I have cut off contact with her now since she told me I'm going to hell. She also thinks she has 100% access to my residence my person and my things. Says I'm mean if I say otherwise. And she uses pity plays/ 'poor little me' a lot. Whenever she feels she's losing ground she plays the victim. Time for me to separate and individuate. Long overdue.
Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️ That sounds like a difficult situation, and one where separating and individuating could helpful. ❤️
Thank you for this, my mom is so erratic and self focused but also heavy handed on criticism and rejecting. As an adult I have a weak sense of self and crave external validation and have trouble regulating. Working on building all of those skills.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Great value! Thank you so much, Terri!
You're so welcome, Marilyn ❤️
Perfectionist mother, Perfectionist partner..
So good🌸🌸🌸🤍
Thank you for this Terry, painful subject. I needed to get 50 years to get my motherwound and his effects clear. Unpredictable and hypercriticical was my mother. I cut all ties last year with both my parents and starting to be my own mother, getting to know myself ..... happy about this but will always be longing for a mother i think. I do my best with my 2 beautiful children, but i know they also suffer from codependency. Hope to break out of this generational stuff. Love and light to everyone for mothersday.
Terri Tuesdays yay 💫💞
I'm new Terri! I found you through Ross Rosenberg's channel. I'm listening closely to your boundary advice and wisdom. My mother was and is mentally ill and was driven by her own personal goals and needs. I lived with my grandparents until I was 9, so my Nana was my first mom. I had no siblings and father or contact with his family (until recently). I only lived with my mom until 15 when I went off to private school. I stuck by my mom's side until her abuse became too unbearable only 6 months ago. (I thought my purpose in life was to take care of her.) When your family is just the mother, she has parts of all of the types.
i went through the end results of your story recently. I had to cut my own father off and i felt so guilty about it. The real question is why to i have to cut ties with people they should respect me enough to never get to that point. Education is the only way otherwise they will manipulate you.
Couldn't have said it better! So on point.
Thank you Terri for continuing to make this content. I know your channel is geared more towards women but im a 28yo HSP Male and all your videos that I've watched resonate with me also. I have a emotionally neglectful mother that now has a hoarding addiction. I've just now come to the conclusion why so many negative things have happened in my life and why I can't seem to overcome them but im getting the help now in therapy.
Terri, I just ended my engagement and your book arrived at the same time and it had really been illuminating for me. Thank you for helping me keep my boundaries.
I find that my mother wound is actually just a father wound. Overly critical. Perfectionist type. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on father wounds and how they can impact you. I appreciate your words of wisdom so much. Your work has absolutely impacted me in such great ways. I am growing and learning more about myself everyday. I have better boundaries with others and am learning to accept others boundaries so much more as well. Thank you for all you do! It is life changing ♡♡♡
God Bless You Terri you are so wise and helpful and a real blessing.Thank you for helping us women and men too,but you are a real therapist.Blessibgs to you . Happy Mother's Day
You are so welcome ❤️❤️❤️
Yessss I like to fall asleep to ur videos as I listen to the ones I’m challenged by I have to kitten
Thank you for this episode 🙌💗 Definitely I am parentified child. In addition, my mother was a bundle of several other types you described. A tryly painful experience. Feels like I had never had a mother at all. I just spent 40 something yeras being a narcistic supply for a woman who was a disturbed child herself. 🥺🥺
❤
Thanks for this video, Terri. My relationship with my mother is a good, solid one, but it's my older sister that seems to fit all of these traits. I have been seeing many of these scenarios play out between my sister and my niece. Honestly, their relationship is so explosive and emotionally abusive (in my opinion) that I have to limit my interactions with them. I am an HSP, empath, co-dependent, and their drama tends to seep into my life most days, but I have been getting so much better at setting the limit and implementing boundaries to protect myself. I wish I knew how to help and protect my niece from my sister's chaos.
Thank you for this message. I first heard you on HerMoney a few months ago and that conversation finally spurred me to seek the professional counseling I have needed for a long, long time. This Mother's Day will be the first Mother's Day with a new way of thinking about and behaving in the relationship I have with my mom. This video really resonates with me in giving me the words and examples to understand the impact that dynamic has had on me, my mental health and how I show up as a mother to my children. Thank you!
Terri, new here. Thank you for being there. I have a pic of you now, looking at for support while processing my emotionally and menrally underdeveloped narclike mom. #parenterfiedmother
I listened about 80% of the way through analyzing myself as a mother - what have I done wrong or right etc.. before I realized ..hey, I had a mother and she removed herself from my life completely 17 years ago on my first daughter’s 1st birthday - because I set a boundary with her. She never contacted me ever after that. What do you call that wound? My mentally troubled & abusive father committed suicide when I was 19. What do you call that wound? Do you have a course for all of this? If so, sign me up.
HI Terri~
Do you have anything like this on the "Father" role, Father figures, "father" wound & how to help with this?
Hi there -- I have a short vid on the father wound: czcams.com/video/9Q9mPfNtzZ0/video.html I also have a 90-minute workshop recording available here www.terricole.com/fatherwound/.
How are you
I am India
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Good night 🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃🌃
Same to you