There is No Difference Between Thinking About Yourself and Being Miserable
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- čas přidán 13. 09. 2022
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I noticed this in myself when I was playing boardgames with friends. I'd always try to be funny but was very nervous deep down. I caught myself once and told myself to shut up and just listen. All of a sudden I felt this big sense of loss and sadness but also relief, the nervousness went away, and all of a sudden I felt really part of the group as my thoughts weren't on myself anymore.
Oh, but that WAS yourself. You stopped trying to be what you thought others wanted you to be and just relaxed into being yourself! Congrats.
This is what I'm realising now aswell.
@@itsjustme4848 that's an interesting interpretation. I'm going to spend some time dissecting that while I clean the house today because on many many many occasions I've told myself to shut up because I felt like I was digging myself a hole while trying to make people laugh or think that I was competent enough that they would like and respect me etc.
Wow this comment is very eye opening
Very cool.
When I was young I wondered what others thought of me. In my 30’s I realized I didn’t care what they thought. In my 40’s I realized NO ONE was thinking about me nor had they EVER. Learn to live with yourself.
@@Dimitris_Balf woooooosh 😆 🤣
Yeah there’s billions of people & if you’re lucky like a dozen of those billions even know you exist & then maybe half of those dozen care about you lol
I have heard this said: When a man turns 20 he wonders what the world thinks of him. When a man turns 30 he's worried of what the world thinks of him. When a man turns 40 he realizes that the world wasn't thinking much at all. Then I add, I wonder if that cycle begins again at age 50? Lol.
@@RayDAider1 At 50 he wonders what happened to his back
At 60 he wonders if his member will ever work again without blue pills
At 70 he wonders how many years he will live retired
At 80 he wonders how much longer his boring retired life will last
At 90 he wonders how hes still alive
& at 100 he wonders nothing because he is dead
About 10 years earlier 20 s 30 s i realized humanity is not very smart and i do not care what it thinks
1:46 The things about "immature messiahnic desire to save the world" is so accurate.
I was young once too, and thankfully I've grown out of it.
People with utopian ideas always the one to willing to commit the most horrible atrocities.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
After returning from a long walk contemplating meaning, I realised endless introspection and excessive analysis/awareness of ones actions, thoughts and motivations does not reveal a final answer to life or a way to live. You get stuck in indulgence and pontification of ideas and ones flaws in the false belief it is a mental puzzle you can out-think; when really it is a swamp whose surface should be left undisturbed. As if by miracle, this video popped up when I returned from my walk and it spoke my mind, cheers JP.
Brilliantly put!
You can’t train people to stop thinking about something but you can train people to think about something else
You actually can.
It's called shock therapy.
It's relatively dangerous stuff with some severe long-lasting side-effects, but some times there's nothing else you can do and this therapy was clinically proven to actually work and more often than not not killing people.
Tl; dr: lobotomy 2.0
This works well for dietary change too... habits in general, I guess; habits are hard to delete but you can inject new things that get triggered instead, leaving less room for the old unwanted habits.
While I like this statement, there is a way to stop thinking, it was invented many thousand of years ago; mediation, and it was originally used to free the mind from ego.
@@jonnyboy4508 do you mean meditation? It doesn't stop you from thinking, it just quietens the mind and the mental voice in it. Transcendental meditation says your thoughts come in and out like waves on the seashore...
@@susansherlock6934 Yes I did excuse my fat fingers. There is a confusion from people about what meditation is. And you've articulate it there well. Meditation is not the act of focusing on breath or a candle etc thats just a technique. During the techniques, you should watch your thoughts come along like clouds, and with them go, not cling on, but thats not meditation. The monastery I stayed at in Asia taught that meditation is achieved when you have achieved an empty mind, meditation is having a mind devoid of all thoughts.
I used to have SEVERE social anxiety. I couldn't even bear to be with those close to me in fear they found me boring. Ever since I deleted social medias like TikTok, I have become so much healthier and I have overcome this anxiety.
My father is boring. Trust me, you're not boring.
Fun fact: In the video game “Divinity 2: Ego Draconis”, there is an animated skeleton who will literally collapse under the weight of its own self-reflecting thoughts, if you make it too aware that it shouldn’t be physically able to stand upright since it doesn’t have any muscles or sinews - and that it shouldn’t be able to think either, since it doesn’t have a brain. 😂
In the old Warner Brothers cartoons you could run off a cliff as long as your mind was somewhere else. As soon as you stopped to think about where you were and what was going on, you looked down and realized you were over a canyon and down you went.
@@jasondashney wow great point hahaha
In our lives, a lot of what makes us up is immaterial.
When you convince someone that these mental and relational domains don't exist or aren't important, they will destroy themselves.
During the first covid lockdown I slipped into relatively severe health anxiety. It was an obsession, completely overwhelming me at every waking moment. After some serious lifestyle changes including having a child and renovating a house I'm much better but my point is, I agree. I was thinking about myself and utterly miserable.
Idle hands are the playthings of the devil.
I think that was the plan. Isolation and desolation added to the fear of death.
That level of self awareness, humility and honesty is a rare thing.
Clearly you’ve responsibly put the time and effort in to process what’s really going on with you, so now you’ve reached this conclusion which makes perfect sense.
I think countless people went through the same motions but have stayed in denial to the detriment of themselves everyone around them.
Beginning dialogue:
JP- "The other thing that seems to happen I would say too is that the social media networks are setup so that casual derogatory derisive narcissistic mocking is not only allowed but staggeringly prevalant."
Lady- "And encoraged"
JP- "thats it, it attracts attention and is encouraged"
Society definitely pushes people towards seeking help instead of finding it within themselves. One thing that I constantly try to remind myself of is how our food supply, medicine and the chemicals in them and the impact that they really do have. It's actually very sad to see what's happening by design. The surest route to happiness is to not care what others think. But I personally do my best to make sure I remind myself of the ignorance and misinformation that's being pushed on to the masses. People shut down when I try to inform them. I think i over explain.
Isn’t that a little arrogant? Just look within and refuse to learn from others?
Auch here I go again - arguing for the sake of arguing with a total stranger just to satisfy my narcissistic need to be “right” about something. Fuck this.
These CZcams comment interactions are such BS. I don’t even have replies on so what does any of it even matter?
The way he described how much anxiety is internalized is something I've noticed myself, and sometimes I struggle to grasp reality. It first took some time to acknowledge that I some degree of it, since I'm pretty stoic and keep things bottled up without really knowing how to let it out. It is easy to view the world in a darker picture where you see everyone as self-serving, and I've kept telling myself I should be as well. But I've come across someone I felt I could treat like a person, and provide some relief on learning to take my mind off my "uninteresting" self and such. But it is still a process.
When someone demands you behave in a special way to make them comfortable IT’S ABUSE
I thank God for people like yourselves who are actively engaged in this battle, the conflict is real and so are the casualties. My prayers (and the MANY who are like minded) are for you and others like you who that are on the front lines, are that you would be strengthened in your resolve and given the support you so deserve. To say our sanity as a society hinges on these truths is not understatement
I love this man's honesty and downright common sense! Thank goodness we have people like this who can wake us all up! His ideas about the importance at the developmental stages make so much sense! Let your kids play play play everybody! So important! Creative and free play is one of the most important things at all childhood stages!
excellent conversation. thank you sir
Perfectly said! An epidemic of narcissistic people. I also believe the constant, negative, television programming has “finished off” their ability to formulate individual thought.
Love One Another God Bless Everyone
Loved this conversation, and this part in particular stuck with me. Because i have to say, I disagree with the notion that focusing more on making other people comfortable helps alleviate social anxiety. I can only speak for myself and based on my own experience.. but i was a person with pretty heavy social anxiety that I've (almost miraculously, in my mind) recovered from. One thing that changed was that i shifted my focus from the other person's perceived emotional state to what my own feelings and experience of the moment were. I stopped abandoning myself in the interest of managing my image. I began to simply feel and be present completely in the moment and worry less how it looked. In being truly present with myself, it increased my ability to be more fully present with other people.. which is the core of what we all want when we're with another person anyway. I for one don't want someone worrying about how to make me feel comfortable (how would they even know what that is for me?) - I simply want them to truly be present with me. A huge part of that is being truly present with themselves.
Anything can be taken to an extreme though, and if the point of the exercise with the little boy was anything but "I'm noticing and allowing all of my emotions", then yes I could see that causing more anxiety. Then he would be looking for "bad" emotions to "fix" and that's a short ride to hell in your brain.
Cool. I figured that out in 1964 at 13
Totally agree. Peterson's take isn't completely wrong, but very on the nose. You shouldn't overthink what people expect of you, or how to please everyone as much as possible. Being too comforting will actually be counter intuitive at most times. Being with someone who is too nice just feels strange.
I think JP would agree. His recommendation of focusing on the other person is simply a more tangible way to tell someone to be present. It may not be as straightforward as you’re method, but for many people simply telling them to be “present” is a very ambiguous ask.
@@MrMadness574 That's a bit of a stretch I think. Focus is what is important here, and it shouldn't be totally directed to what everyone else feels, even though the idea is to be present
You bring up an interesting point. Yes, I agree that focusing on being present - being in the moment / whatever you want to call it - is better than focusing on yourself or focusing wholly on other people's comfort. I've learned that while you give someone your sincere attention, it is always good to reserve some focus for awareness of the present moment, which is not the same at all as merely focusing on your own thoughts, as it doesn't require much mind activity.
But, as another commenter said, telling someone who has not been initiated into such practice to do this is a very ambiguous thing to say.
One way to do this is to be rooted in the physical (not the mental). Which means: to be aware of the feelings in your body; of what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, etc. If you start being too conscious of your thoughts, you're doing it wrong. And you will know when this happens because it is associated with anxiety.
I hope this helps people. But also, I recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He goes deep into this concept in a very useful way.
What a great video! So on point.
"We don't need no thought control, no dark sarcasm in the classroom - teacher leave those kids alone."
They're right.
One of the surest ways to be unhappy is trying to be happy all the time.
I you want a chill life, don't permit yourself to chill too much.
I know, I tried
Pre K teacher here and what he said about toddlers…. 100% correct.
I love you Dr Peterson 😀wonderful to get clarity!!! Thank you !!
Basically describes the cycle that every socially anxious person is caught in. Every time you're in a social situation, you can't help but be preoccupied with how others are perceiving you so you're perpetually anxious until you leave their presence. That's also what happens when you scroll through someone's Instagram reel. You compare yourself to all of the highlights of that person's life and that just acts as a reminder of your personal inadequacies.
The last sentence... So spot on
I guess it explains why I feel so shitty that my gf went on an expensive holiday with her rich parents and I'm stuck here with her social media content
Spot on!
Mind blown. This resonates so true to me.
Amazing and clear way to put it! ♥🙏🏼
JP, you're a God send! Shout it loud everywhere and everyone! 🙌💛
Can't wait to see you in a few hours!
Happiness is found when the self dies/ ego dies. People try so hard to hold a position in society and create an image in society and try to change society and then act suprised about why their mental health keeps suffering.
Thinking about one's self and how we fit into our social environment, is vital to human survival. It is no coincidence that many people obsess over what they say or do, because doing so is instinct. Anyone who tells you not to care what others think is lying or doesnt understand human psychology/evolution. What other people think is crucial to our survival and how our lives will turn out. Think about it.. if people hate you then life will be difficult or worst case scenario it might even be ended, but if people love you then ANYTHING is possible. What's key I believe is finding the right balance between caring about what people think and doing whats necessary for yourself and loved ones.
Yes, desiring to be liked is unavoidable and people who say they've stopped doing this are just lying to themselves, or very sick otherwise. However, the impact from people's social feedback is only useful if it's being interpreted properly and not eating away at you from the inside out at all times. That's when caring what people think becomes an imminent problem that can be solved by learning to let go in situations where it isnt important. Which, in many cases, is *all* the time.
Underrated comment.
I think the balance is that you should worry as little as possible, maybe take a small moment each day in reflection of you feel in general and how the people you love see you vs how you want to be seen.
Most of your day should be focused on providing/bettering yourself and listening to/nurturing your relationships so you can be closer to who your chosen people need you to be.
The worry and fear of acceptance is supposed to be motivation but if you’re constantly in a state of rumination that is solely about how you feel and who you are internally, you’re just trapping yourself.
Lazy Gam3r so to play Devil's Advocate with your comment, being loved by the Nazis and hated by the resistance puts you in the right place, right? I'm not attacking you but just trying to see how your underlying premise fairs when it heads in an unintended (I assume) direction.
I stopped caring what other people who i had nothing to do with thought of me... You cant please everyone, however you should always try to be a good person to those close to you 😇
Fascinating.
Very profound thoughts. Thank you Dr Peterson
I had a feeling this would be (in part) about anxiety disorders. In looking for information about Social Anxiety Disorder I found that sufferers have a lot of activity in the Default Mode Network of the brain. It is associated with self referential thought. I have Social Anxiety Disorder; I am the happiest _and_ the most anxious/unhappy at work. Happy when absorbed in the work that I enjoy, but most anxious about interacting and thinking about interaction with colleagues.
You said it perfectly
@DiscipleDave DotCom Lucky you
@DiscipleDave DotCom lmao
@DiscipleDave DotCom Its nearly* pure luck that you've perceived it as a key. Or that it even fit your unique lock. You think you've arrived at this point because of purely conscious action? Your psyche allows you (by luck) to access and relate to that form of rationale.
@DiscipleDave DotCom okay, where do you find the key?
Agree with what he said. The technique of conversing / thinking from other shoes really helps. Some people are just overly focused on themselves, and that limits their ability to engage with others. In fact, it is more beneficial to know more about others, rather than regurgitating about what you know of yourself.
This bloke helps me make sense of the world. Thanks JP
I've always been very socially anxious. It's only been in the past 5 years or so that I've been able to even talk to people. I literally went to college for 3 years taking the public bus and never even said hi to anyone. Now I go to a game store once a week and play cards regularly. The bit about stop thinking about yourself it really the answer. It's not an easy thing to do, but it does help.
Ground-breaking stuff tbh. Another epic discovery from Dr. Peterson. Narcissism and thinking about yourself often in every case I've seen leads to misery.
That whole "thinking about what others think of you" is slipping away pretty fast you should savor it
I used to joke about this when I was a teenager, that the world would be filled to the brim with narcissists once social media is rolled out completely. Mind you, this was way before CZcams/Facebook/smartphones and so on. Now 30 years later, it's painfully obvious I was right all along. My friends thought I was weird for thinking like that, oh how the tables have turned.
Are you worried about what we’ll think about you?
Trying to impress us . I guess you weren’t listening.
@@Dimitris_Balf Weird, but not wrong.
@@keithb6717 Worries? No, why should I be?
@@Dimitris_Balf Depends on the definition. Narcissistic DISORDER is likely not that widespread....yet. But narcissistic TRAITS are clear as day.
Jokes on you who believe I don't have friends because no social media presence. Common rookie mistake.
@@Dimitris_Balf a) U basically just repeat what I just said. Try again?
b) Overwhelming evidence? :p Keep it up though.
Nailed it. I literally couldn't have said it better myself.
That was a very interesting perspective from Jordan at the end.
On the other hand, self-reflection is the beginning of any true spiritual life. I would say it's not so much "thinking about yourself" that is the issue, it's "thinking about what other people think about me" -- very different! Reflecting on one's identity and discussing it with others -- as well as doing the same with them, for them -- is a beautiful and valuable exercise.
What do you mean by "identity?" This is a word that is thrown around as if it should be taken seriously, but upon further review either means tens of different things or nothing at all. Please give a definition.
This was wonderful. Really gets to the root of it. I hope to see more videos on this specific content.
You look and sound so much healthier. Thank God. Great clip!
I'm just glad parents are better educated and correctly informed on the school systems now. I graduated high-school in 2012 and it was before internet was super involved. We had a guest speaker for our class who started crying (literally - which was insane) and telling us we can't have children to save the planet.
We also have to remember that kids are also individuals. I was only 17 and completely removed from politics (girls, sports and friends were my concerns) and I knew how insane that person was. The insane "woke" teachers We see on Libs of Tik Tok also come off as insane to the vast majority of kids; however, it's that small percentage of vulnerable kids that fall victim.
I used to worry what others thought about me until I realized everyone is too busy doing the same thing to even notice.
@@Dimitris_Balf go away 😆 🤣
Waw, mind blowing. This is really helpful for me !
Not only is the title of this video fascinating in its insight but the converse is often so true at a cultural level.
I have been to many economically poorer countries than my own (I am from UK) but was often puzzled as to why people in poorer countries often (not always) seems so much happier.
I think that thinking about other people which you are forced to do far more in poorer countries (because your family and friends network needs your support and focus a lot more as they are less independent) leads to more genuine connection, less focus on self and more of a feeling of communal belonging.
Even if that community is struggling through life at least they are helping each other struggle through life and have each other's backs vs the common western thing were it's normal to not even know the name of your next door neighbour.
My God this Man is so spot on!!
Thank you for being a voice of reason Dr Peterson!
So true
I’m currently training to be a teacher, I hope I can make a difference to children and the challenges they face, I know I’ve got a long and turbulent journey ahead.
Good luck against these ridiculous social curriculums that are being forced in schools!
Be careful about your state's laws and whether or not your school district enforces them. In California, not declaring a student's subjective identity to be reality - a.k.a., committing the heinous crime of 'misgendering' - will be deemed harassment. I commend you, but be careful.
Stick to reality and truth and you’ll be great.
@@vibratoqueen450 If a student wants to be called “Pat” , call that student “Pat”. Not that difficult.
When I was younger I had a bit of social anxiety but then I joined the Army and that got significantly better because as it turns out when you are constantly occupied (and the Army will make sure you are constantly occupied) you think a lot less about what others are thinking about you.
We used to empower our young by telling them words weren't important, they could never hurt them. This gave them their own protective shield. Today we have brainwashed them into believing words are their own personal kryptonite. They walk around perpetually afraid and on guard that they will come under attack. Such a senseless and cruel burden we are making them carry. We used to be wiser.
I love the suit!
"anxious people think obsessively about how others are thinking about them" and this is why things like anxiety, depression, among other things such as autism or just gender non-conformity, show up in insanely high proprotions of those who identify as trans. and im speaking form experience as a detransitioner, that was one of the most anxious and depressed time in my life. i saw again and again, anxious, depressed, some autistic, social outcasts, being pulled in-- again and again! being told theyre actually nonbinary. then it leads to something else. most liked anime. most like porn of the opposite sex in gay relationships- whether thats a straight man liking yuri, or a straight woman liking yaoi. both admired the opposite sex and hated their own.
It’s ironic that as children we’re taught by our parents or in school to care about what others think of us and that’s how our self worth is judged. As children we’re often compared to others as a way to motivate us or shame us into good behavior. Then as adults we’re told that this is bad and leads to unhappiness and we shouldn’t we worry about what others think of us to compare ourselves to others. Quite the mind fuck if you ask me.
School is just fancy babysitting - I wish I had been home schooled sometimes - school was absolutely awful for me I hated it
Probably because the "mainstream" child behavior is being a good kid and being mean is a deviation rapidly perceived, meanwhile there is no absolute mainstream behavior in the adult world, and the fact that you are responsible for your actions and are slowly dying, so you will probably turn out to be an unique human being
Jordan talked how not caring about what others think about you is stupid and leads to misery, because you have to be social and part of this world. You don't live alone on the planet. But that's kinda obvious isn't it? And you, as an adult, should be able to make a balance in doing/implementing stuff, and not just be a literalist and go to extremes every time you hear something.
So, of course you won't worry about what every single person you met in life thought of you - be selective a bit, filter out the noise, but take seriously your family and friends that are closest to you, etc.
My mother used to try and drum into me ...what will people think ?
I decided at around year 8 that I couldn't care less what other people thought
Thanks mum ..now you need to learn it too at 82 years old
Lol Very well articulated 👍
Facts
@Jordan B Peterson, have you ever encountered the concept of the shock test, moreover have you considered how it applies to social engineering? Thoughts? A video on this would be great.
Excellent analysis of our culture.
Reminds me of something I've heard before,
"he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."
Can anyone point me to the research and data on this?
I would really appreciate it:
"there is no difference between thinking about yourself and being miserable. They load on the same statistical axis. ... The clinical data on that is clear. "
Exactly I wish these kids would realize there's freedom in not being labeled
Mindfulness is very important, and gets rid of anxiety, as you are not thinking of anything other than the right now moment. And as you become more spiritually aware, you realize that we are a human collective. And that you cannot help anyone else from a depleted place. Focusing on yourself helps you grow and discover who you are. This is not selfish, but necessary to be able to be grounded in your own energy, to be able to provide support for others.
I knew some of the last people to grow up before mass media. Every generation since has been completely self absorbed and yet lacking self confidence.
Usually socially anxious people are that way because they've had a lot of negative feedback at some point, sometimes through bullying.
It feels difficult to get the balance between thinking about others but still getting what you need so that you van progress or move forward. I found st times in my life that I was thinking too much about others so that I could avoid taking responsibility for myself but it's a hard line to tread
I do not know how to think to others...it is very hard...I am a 'nice' person but I only think of people when I see or call em. I am an only child and raised by my mom...I guess that is the problem.
@@kristandevries4835 and you’re like 12
Or english isn’t your first language
Hats of to Jordan's tailor.
Unfortunately this might be me... I always struggled in school. Had older parents, am an only child and always just felt like something was wrong with me. Developmentally I felt it difficult to move forward and still do. I have watched a ton of Jordan's videos and feel like I understand or know that what he's saying is true but I just can't seem to implement any of it into my life and make it work. It is almost as if I'm stuck at a 2 year old developmental level.
Being honest with yourself is a good start and you can do the development now with a Bit help from a psychologist might be the path..crossing fingers for you
Having such reflections means you are not stuck at a 2-year-old developmental level :)) I'm sorry to hear you haven't had it easy... Indeed there's always a good moment for a fresh start. Having support from a psychologist is definitely a great idea, and I strongly recommend it. Wish you all the best, God bless you!
Hi Evan- start by trying to keep busy with doable stuff everyday. Manual tasks like cleaning, yard work, errands, exercise anything that gets you out of your head will help you get out of that self referential space and in the doing state of mind should help.
My friend, it is all about keeping yourself busy working towards your goals. Taking up more responsability will give you more confidence! Make a list of who you want to be, what you are now, and what you have to change about who you are now to reach the person you want to be! One that is done split the things you have to change in smaller things so that once they are small enough, you will do them. Trust me, slowly but surely you will get there and you will find a purpose and most importantly confidence in your life!!
Last but not least: you are doing it for you! The respect from others will come once you get things done and respect yourself!
You owe yourself to do it.
@@mirenda2754 Thanks
I changed myself, started thinking about other people and trying to help them, I even volunteer for a few hours almost everyday.
I have more obligations, but I still go home with no sense of happiness. I go out and do things, talk with people, try to help them with their problems.
So now, I'm alone but with extra steps. Huge improvement, gee golly gosh!
Damn. The last minute. 🤯
What if humanity in the beginning was nothing but narcissistic identities and we are in a constant battle of identities where if one person's madness is contagious enough it subsumes other identities as extensions of itself, until everyone in a group is in the same conceptual sphere that it no longer becomes madness and is normal? And now that the common identity has been broken with the dismantlement of of traditional thought, we are back to narcissistic identities fighting for control over the common identity with nothing tying us together until one identity dominates all and the group exists as extensions of that original narcissistic will rather than individuals?
Holy shit. Good theory and a little horrifying.
Also, reminds me of 1984 and O’briens various speeches to Winston. I’m assuming you’ve read it but if not, please do.
@@countdooku75 I have not read it, will have to look into that
Focusing out and being of service to others! When you're focused on supporting others, you won't have the bandwidth to make up scenarios in your head about yourself.
This was so galaxy brain. I’m shooketh.
Shooketh?
i think that is the best way out and if i say i don't care, respect it. why should i 'negotiate' my identity? i am happy with the identity I was born with. i was never anxious until i met certain people and then i cannot stop. It has taken years for me to overcome it.
This is Peterson at his best, within his element.
Nail on head.
The great about timber is that it warms you twice
I think the good doctor has introduced us to a new opposition to Identify Politics; the politics of negotiation, compromise and duty; Discord Politics
Well it's important to know how you feel, because this way you can tell whether or not the other person is being uncomfortable. What's bad is to always think/wonder/plan about the way others perceive yourself. This is ego, narcissism, a storyline you identify with. Anyways, mindfulness is important to develop the empathy necessary to understand others, to see own narcissistic behaviour, and develop emotional security by fostering emotional plasticity. This way, hyperviligance relapses, eventually offering a genuine interest in others and in life.
I grew up as a narcissist, because my parents were narcissists. Only thing that saved me was mindfulness, and then embracing the fire within.
I know this from experience;!!!!!!!
Sorry, but I have to say what a superb distinguished suit is Jordan wearing. I must say this is the best suit I have ever seen someone wear, it is soft but solid, welcoming and very well suited. i love it
Re: title and related passages. Amusing. A certain program says "People who spend time writing carefully about themselves become happier, less anxious and depressed and physically healthier. They become more productive, persistent and engaged in life. This is because thinking about where you came from, who you are and where you are going helps you chart a simpler and more rewarding path through life."
Wait, that's "self-authoring" by JB Peterson. Not mentioning CBT which seems to have some success.
Powerful title
All those logs could totally be loaded with termites. That's why it's always recommended to store wood logs outside and with a gap between the ground and the structure
lol
we seem to be heading into a future with a lot of mental health issues and a lot of confusion, suddenly it will be offensive to even exist.
as stupid as it might sound i thought about how to fit in (so myself) all the time till i went to my first real party at the age of 19. With alcohol came a relaxation. i stopped caring and enjoyed the moment, the socialising, not thinking about fitting in. It helped and gave way for a new me. It took a year and a few more partys and to much alcohol to shape my new me but now i rarely think about fitting in and no worries. im not an alk/party addict. maybe once a month with almost no drinks. 😁
ok, I caved and finally watched one of this mans videos. happy I did
3:19 that is me down to a tee lol...
"I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention. I believe that someone should become a person like other people." - Paul Schrader
2:40 What she's talking about here sounds like certain Buddhist practices, its not inherently bad to do this, to just notice how your feeling. Though usually in the West we instantly attach judgement onto what we observe, for example if I noticed I was feeling distracted and then started to berate myself for not being more focussed. Its the negative judgement that comes after that leads to more suffering. I've personally found it very useful to notice how I feel more deeply and minutely, say in a setting where I'm feeling socially anxious, someone says something, anxiety starts to rise, noticing it I just say oh there's the anxiety, and that's ok. Doing just that stops any more feelings arising off it and spiralling out of control, for me at least. PS: I'm not sure if there's more context to what she's talking about here, I just wanted to give my 2 cents.
This is mind blowing to me. Incredibly informative. When he says that " thinking about yourself and being miserable loads on the same statistical axis" though, what exactly does that mean? Can anyone explain this? In simple terms 🤓
If you're socially anxious, just remember that most people are comfortable with people who listen and ask questions.
The convo will often never even turn much to you, and one question back at them can turn it away again. You're safest in plain sight and most people are hopelessly unaware of how insecure they, let alone you, are.
If you find someone that isn't easy to distract and takes an interest, then you may have found a new friend!
Very well said!
I personally prefer multiple syllable adjectives.....got a lot of them.... Peace!
True.. when u do as the Bible asks and put others above yourself it takes your mind of if yourself.. It’s in the same field as not thinking bad thoughts cuz u will harbor them and it leaves a crack for evil to enter.. Good in. Good out..
Agreed!
I've always said if you break down over a total stranger not validating your gender, you dont believe it yourself enough either.
The opposite is true for me also; if I’m stressed or getting down I’ll look after others and my depressive state goes away. It never fails to put my own sh@t Into perspective. Maybe that’s why I’ve worked in care for thirty years and now training to be a nurse?
I feel like I intuitively understand Jordan's illustration of the kid's games with metaphors and understanding how it extends in some people to how they think and behave as they grow older. I have a few thoughts I wish I could share with Jordan to get his view on it.
Jordan says that within this 'social agreement' (ie, kids playing house, one being the dad and one being the mom) they are playing roles, and those roles are agreed upon. The issue (if I understand right) according to Jordan with the trans thing is that it's a continuing of that phenomena. IE, one continues to hold on to their ego-centric identity, as though they get to decide their identity alone, and wants everybody else to agree to their own identity because they think it's real rather than a game.
I am acknowledging that as humans we are susceptible to being innocently 'drawn in' to our thoughts and the realities they seem to create. Meaning often times we play games in our head and we don't realise they are games. We think they are real. However continuing from that analogy - what I am curious about is whether Jordan would say for example that being gay is a role people play, or is it something deeply psychologically, or rather biologically, hard-wired.
There was a time when being gay was seen as a mental illness, that it was something that could be 'decided'. I personally think that's rubbish. I don't think people can simply turn on and off being gay like a light switch if they decide to, but I could understand how and why people came to that conclusion.
To me, being gay is not simply a matter of psychological identity (meaning whispy and thought-created). It's not a game one plays and follows a role. It's actually a recognition of a (invisible) biological identity. It's a matter of reality. In my opinion, if a gay person were to act straight, and trying to get everyone to agree that they are straight, in that case they *would* be playing a fantasy game.
At the same time, nobody has discovered (AFAIK) a gay gene, and so from a purely objective standpoint the jury is still out there. And this is where I feel that it is the same with trans. Nobody has been able to take a microscope to a gay person's brain and say, "yes you are gay" or "no you're not". Yet I think our culture has progressed in its understanding to a point where we acknowledge that being gay is not just a behavioural thing that people can unlearn.
In the same way, I personally have NO idea what it feels like to feel NOT like a man on the inside. It's exactly the same way I cannot really imagine being attracted to men. But listening to trans people speak about their stories, I have come to appreciate more and more that the inner feeling of identity, beyond simply a plastic thought-created conglomeration of whispy nothing that one simply adamantly believes is fact, but an actual biological fact. In a way, there is biological identity and psychological identity. Just like being attracted to the same sex. If someone is born gay or straight, in my eyes, that's a fact. And you can play pretend on top of the fact, but that doesn't change the fact.
And before I say this final question, I just want to say that I have a deep appreciation for the realism that our thought-created games seem to take on. It's definitely true that if one repeats something to oneself long enough they start to believe it. That's what I would call psychological identity, and it's plastic. And whatever the plastic of thought makes up, the perceiver will see evidence for it and believe it to be true given enough time. And many fight to have their false reality validated when it's not valid at all. I'm definitely *not* saying that people can invent whatever they say they want to be and that's just what they are because they say so. I'm not saying that people can say "I am a dragon" or "I am Japanese" when they are black. In fact what I'm trying to say is the opposite. Not that subjective identity, or psychological identity, should be treated as fact, but that there may be such a thing as biological identity which is experienced as a deep feeling that is beyond the plasticity of thought.
So this is my question for Jordan. Taking this analogy of fantasy games. Is it that trans people are ego-centric and demanding others conform to their game? Or is it that trans people are trying to vocalise that there is such a thing, a reality, as a kind of psycho-biological identity that is invisible to the microscope but real nonetheless (just like being gay). Could it be that those who adamantly write off trans people as "playing a childish game" are themselves the ones playing the childish games, wanting to cling to the rules of the game they invented, and make society conform, rather than be open to deepening their own understanding of reality?
I think the deeper biological reality you are talking about is related to hormones. That doesn’t necessarily make it right, as there is such a thing as hormonal health and balance. For example there are people who just have very little to no libido and then build an identity around it called “asexual.” But there are many modern environmental factors that have led to hormonal disorders-xenoestrogens, declining activity, poor nutrition to name a few. It should be alarming to us that a rapidly increasing number of people are starting to feel that this is their reality.
the funniest part actually is that this whole time i've only ever cared about what others think of me out of raw compassion
and what a surprise! my right side is around the corner.
Damn, 6 or more comments on 1 video... Someone or something must have touched a nerve!
Can you differentiate between healthy self love and narcissism?