why i really left howard university.
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2024
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wanting to go to college mainly to escape your household and experience life is something i definitely feel. my current family situation isn’t the cold type of toxic, it’s more like everyone’s pretending to be happy and positive but there’s no space to share your real emotions. but it was nice to hear someone talk about this type of situation, it’s not discussed enough and it can feel pretty isolating
This is exactly my situation.
same
accurately
That’s the only reason I went to college. Home life was a wreck, no money, facing homelessness.
That is it👏🏽👏🏽
This seems to be a common trend with black organizations. Its honestly disgusting and sad. The "process" doesn't make u strong or better, I see it as the opposite. Black people need to understand that inflicting hardship or adversity doesn't always make a person better. Especially if u grew up with a lot a discipline at home and have set ideals/values. I had a similar experience at my pwi and quickly got out of there before it got worse. A bunch of other students (your peers) don't have the right to "break you down to build you up", they're not your superiors.
“A bunch of other students don’t have the right to break you down....l Adaugo (my asshole friend) was like this
Same
Being Black in a White dominated culture is already hard enough. College should be a time of building a community and deep bonds with each other and celebrating your identity. That is what makes us stronger
@Melanated Princess Please. A white person with a high school diploma has a better chance of getting called for an interview than a black person with a college degree and it's not because we build deep bonds and connections with each other in college. Racism is the reason for the socioeconomic disparities between black people and white people, period.
It makes it worse.
This hazing stuff literally sounds like a cult. So bizarre. In the UK you just go to uni and make some friends and that’s it. I’m sorry you’ve been through this and the culture at college is so bad. Love you Kai xx
For real I always used to wish we had something like sororities and fraternities at uk unis but now I definitely don’t.
I was so shocked when kai described it bc wtf??
That’s not really true. In oxbridge they have weird initiations like David Cameron got outed for doing sexual things with a pigs head in order to get into some secret Oxford uni society. Hazing is a common practice amongst red brick (ivy equivalent) uni’s in the U.K.
@@lindseygueye6078 Sure but most of us aren’t at those unis, and even so none of us have frats or sororities like the US does
@@sjwells04 exactly, oxbridge is elitist so I’d expect that horrible and disgusting things happen there with no consequences, but most uni’s in the uk are not elitist
I feel like you dropping out definitely helped sum ppl realize that ur identity was not tied to bein a Howard student and makin college based videos. Honestly luv where ur content direction has gone ever since u begin to truly do what Kai wanted to do whether you knew or not 👏🏾
This^
You were still hazed. Especially if your school work took the backseat. And they picked your friends and who you associated with. I'm glad I just attended college without joining any non academic activities.
I'm due to start college this fall and I'm really seriously contemplating on the pros vs the cons. Higher education seems like a scam ngl 💀
Have a back up plan
If it’s not stem don’t waste your time and save your future self mentally and financially.
@@Yh-vi2sv how about business major?
@@Yh-vi2sv what about medical major like neurology I want to be a psychiatrist 😟😕
Learn a trade at a community college. Get paid and get a degree slowly while paying it off.
i love that you don’t have to talk about any of these but you do ❤️ thank you!! need more people who talk about difficult things. you inspire me to be more open, and i’m
sure many others! we’re rooting for you
not my favs supporting each other! rooting for you Kora, and my girl Kai.
@@dajiahshai fr
This video really made me self-reflect. My main reason for wanting to go to college was because it was an escape from my household. But then I soon as I got there I had to deal with the pressure of being social, making good grades and being an adult while processing the trauma from my childhood. You've got me motivated to write some think-pieces soon!
That’s very much weird. How are y’all an org on an hbcu campus about black success but not worried about black students mental health and prioritizing your org over people’s education. It gives elitist and entitled. I have always said Howard seemed off since I toured it in high school cause why😒
I had the same issue and I was only trying to join a gospel/Christian organization. The school is trash and only it’s past reputation saves it.
I’ll never forget when I visited Howard and the first thing someone told me when I got of the bus was “Are you a high school student? Don’t come here if you want free college” My classmates and I were there for a college visit with our guidance department during senior year. This was a few years after that big financial aid scandal at Howard and right before the pandemic. Next, we saw a girl who graduated our high school the year before and she told us she can’t go to the cafeteria. She was being hazed for a club, not even a sorority (not that it would be better). On our way out we saw another girl who graduated our school the year before too and we asked her if we should apply and she shook her head no. She told us why she was leaving for multiple reasons and how it’s not what we think. Howard is seen as the Harvard of HBCUs, but really just like Harvard it’s only the alumni that makes the school. Other than the history and alumni of Howard, the school isn’t that good……at all.
I’m not into Greek life, but my experience at Howard was and is awesome. A couple of my good friends I met at Howard had bad experiences but the rest of my friends loved it as much as me. I’ve received several opportunities just because I attend Howard, and the culture is amazing. It saddens me that so many people have such terrible experiences!
No school is perfect.
You’re so ridiculously self aware and articulate. This was so refreshing to listen to because I feel like this sort of honesty and transparency isn’t made public that often. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. ❤️ I have a similar experience and I caught myself nodding my head in agreement with so many things you said.
Agreed! As a senior in highschool looking at colleges, this kind of transparency is what I need to see. More of the information online is for marketing and not telling us the reap of experiences.
It seems like every organization at HBCUs has a hazing process which is weird, that's why I never wanted to join anything myself.
I still choose (and still choosing) the path of higher education but I will say this and I know that there are serious pros and cons to it. But after hearing this video, I can confidently say that I am happy that I didn't choose Howard as my institution of choice. All of the things you've touched upon and more were some of the main reasons why I just couldn't pull trigger. It's definitely not for everyone.
I so so so agree
I wrote the Department of Education about this kind of experience I had at an HBCU. It was really heartbreaking because I have so much respect but also how I was treated outside and inside of the campus even years afterwards was not only life threatening but it was definitely uncalled for. I'm glad you're safe and you've formed a decent way into your CZcams vlog stuff. It's cool to listen to you and relate to various subjects. I wanted friends but I became WANTED like a fuckin criminal. It was insane.
uhm video? storytime?
It's funny because I would but if I did would it risk my life? It's gotten more calm lately in life, like regular life.. but I don't know how I would even make a video. I have other things I worry about after that. But I have no clue how it got to that point. I'm not why it had to go there. I don't know what part of people, I would have to to assume only in the United States since I'm a citizen, it takes for them to say this child should suffer this route. It could have been my family. It could have been thier network. It could have a number of things following me begging that I was from a small town. I don't know. I would want to make a video but I'd need questions to answer or else I'm just gonna be trying to be happy at you. Lol but it is what it is. P.s I would never lie to y'all for attention. But I get that these kinds of video are very cathartic in releasing what we've gone through being raised by generations whose experiences are compared to our daily and repress our own achievements. So I'm really thankful I could relate and release.
Yooo the snippet you included of an old video is so crazy to me. I’ve been watching your channel for a minute and I remember how your college videos had “abrupt” intermissions at times or were “choppy” and now it kinda makes sense with you including that. Thanks for the video and your honesty❣️
Rent is so crazy right now. College students expected to pay 1200+ for a shared space??
Me paying 4.2k a semester to share a room🥲
@@Jade-rr8wh WHAT
@@Jade-rr8wh JEEZ!!! What city are you in!? That’s ridiculous! I’m in NC and I’m doing a one bed student apartment for about 1100 a month. I thought that was high! I guess not
@@Jade-rr8wh 4.2k rent make you think a toxic household not isn’t so bad😂
@@Sshazex she said a semester lol, that’s like 3.5 months
After a three year gap year, I will be returning to Howard next spring. This video means a lot to me. Your experience may be unique to you but it is felt by us forgotten folks too. Thank you Kai for these words. Please keep sharing your story.
I am surprised that you weren’t close with those friends that were on the channel
I agree. Everything is definitely not always what it seems. As a current college student tho, you definitely end up in spaces or in proximity to ppl that looks like friendship when it is just a “close” classmate relationship or an associate. I enjoyed them in her videos
They seemed close when they talked, but I guess they weren't .
I think @7:51 when she said “y’all fave was not my fave” she referring to Piper. Cause people always loved her in the comments but she like the only one Kai don’t follow anymore...
@@nelit708 yes it definitely could’ve been bc piper was the first person that came to my mind too
@@nelit708 I also thought of natu, gabby, and Johnny. And also the girl with the buzz cut and different color hair
kai uploaded on my birthday, that is such a flex for me tbh
Oop happy birthday!!! ✨✨✨
Happy birthday 🎉🎉
happy birthday! 🎉🎈🎁🎊
happy birthday!
@Lexy Mackenzie thank you!!
I feel like a lot of people see college as their only option as a means to escape or become successful, and college doesn’t always guarantee success. I wish they taught us that in school, because a lot of the time it’s a scheme. Plus, there are so many other options like trade school and programs if someone wanted to get an education without going to college
Say it for the people in the back!!! I completely agree with you sis because I’m taking a gap year, and most of my friends and some teachers were like “do you think that’s the right choice?” Like if I want to take a gap year I can take one. Worry about your self.
Lovely Kinley right! I hope you enjoy that gap year, you deserve it! I’m in the middle of getting my AA right now but I’m done after that. I wanna get into content creating/streaming, and some people see it as unrealistic because “college, college, college!” but I disagree! and college isn’t going anywhere, so you can go back if you want! (:
@@fluffy_wabbit8667 Girl, that’s great what your doing, and don’t worry about what others say. Most of the billionaires in this country didn’t even go to college. Sometimes people try to choose what pathway is convenient for you. Like no, everyone has a unique path that is comfortable for them even if it’s not going to college. Anyways, know I don’t know you lol but I’m proud of you girl keep doing what your doing !! 🙂
@Lovely Kinley exactly, that’s what i’m saying! and thank you, that means a lot! I’m proud of you too, and ik we’re both going to do great in the world, regardless if it’s from college or not 😌
@@fluffy_wabbit8667 Right!! I also hate the "you too old to be in college". I said what?? You can go to college at 40, it doesn't matter. The school is not running or crashing. It is still open for people who do want to experience college... People are just stupid and need to understand that people can do whatever they want such as go to college or not...
Yeah this sounds just like the process for some black sororities and fraternities tbh. I’ve never joined one but I went to a PWI that was pretty diverse and had about 6 of the divine 9. And yeah the ppl who went through the process that I spoke with had very similar experiences like almost exactly but with more physical hazing.
Yeah at my pwi is much the same
@@malcolmi.1660 which pwi do you attend
which pwi do you attend
@@meladaeze6309 I have graduated already but I went to Rutgers in New Brunswick, NJ.
@@likelovetothelost im a south jersey teen here and I’m looking to go there is it really bad?
I went to Howard as well and I am honestly happy that you brought up not wanting to get backlash from the bison community because they do that a lot!
You laid that out like a college paper! You didn’t miss a thing. I’m always entertained by your straight talk. Best of luck on all your endeavors. 😊
I feel the pressure for my senior year in hs to pick a college just because it’s what I’m supposed to do and to start my life and move on
I love my HBCU alma mater (Bowie State) because it was small and actually felt like a real family. On the other end, HU has always given off that black boule factory vibe.
I am going to a school that's considered a PWI but has a huge black presence. At least from what I've seen on social media, heard from family friends, etc. A good bit of black people IK from my town are moving there. The schools that are like this I've heard a lot of good things about consistently, so I'm looking forward to it!
I'm glad you shared your experience with us this is why you're one of my fav CZcamsrs because you keep it real with us and it helps us. ILY KAI
What college is it
@@buttertoast8613 Kennesaw State University
@@mandalove3408 I go to school there actually and there definitely is a big black student population and I do enjoy that particular part of it. I’m entering my third year this fall and I can honestly say like I haven’t particularly enjoyed my time there. There definitely is a distinct divide between the student population. I haven’t necessarily formed a true bond with anyone student or professor and I’ve only had two minority professors since being at the school. It is a good school nonetheless but it is rather expensive and there is somewhat an elitist culture that the school has.
Interesting, ty for sharin this with me. I wont lie everything I've heard about it has been good things, but of course it depends on the person and their personal experience.
I also think part of it could be a lot of people who go there likely go with people they already know which can lead to cliques that were formed before they even reached campus? I did notice that a lot of people from my town who went to KSU usually post pictures and videos from other people who also grew up in my town. Like with me, there's about 6-7 people just from my friend group who are going and when you already know people you are probably less likely open to meeting new people.
@@mandalove3408 i don’t go to KSU (i go to old dominion university) with a pretty big black population as well and although i only knew of one other person from my high school who went but dropped out, what you said about the people who already knew each other from high school or even just in the area in general, are like that too weirdly.
I just want to say young sis keep your head up. I am a Howard alum ('12) and I totally understand what you mean about the overly competitive nature and students majoring in extracurriculars. It's such a part of the identity of the school and the striving for black excellence is mentally and physically depressing; I even contemplated leaving my freshman year. I love Howard to death and it definitely helped me grow, but I am also very aware of the harm the experience caused. I think the reality of things is everything has good and bad, and when we are younger it's harder really understand the negatives and make decisions with full understanding. And a lot of people I knew had to drop out because of the cost to be in DC in addition to the emotional toil of college. Keep working to find your path and things will work out.
I can relate to this. I ended up dropping out of college because of mental health reason and no dedication to put in work to into my work. It did help me realize what I want to do but now it’s just getting there. I appreciate your videos because they make me feel like I’m not as alone as I feel.
literally same
that part about uni being tied to your self worth really hit home. love the transparency + sending you love and support
our situation is sooo similar but im still stuck in maryland😂😂 I went across the country to arizona state for a semester, dropped out, covid hit so i felt a little better and today I have my own business and youtube. I was also diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and now adhd and it makes sooo much sense looking back at my college experience
How was Arizona state? I’m enrolled there for this fall
King Timmy well I dropped out soooo
@@kingtimmy9491 same!
UoA or ASU. I need to know if I like you 😂😂 🔱.
Some ASU professors 🙄. Also depends on which campus. Still glad it worked out for you after leaving. Not sure if you're still in AZ but Welcome!
Bree Wheel ASU baby!!! I was in downtown phoenix studying journalism
even though i was supposed to graduate from college this past may (i transferred my sophomore year out of state) i have no clue on what i wanna do when i get my degree this year and whether or not i’d stay home maybe a year or go into grad school sort of close to home or the same college 🥲 some stuff i don’t think university really prepares you for and when you find out it’s too late
Same! I’m supposed to graduate May 2022 and I’m so nervous. I have an idea what I want to do but money wise I think I have to go home for a while. This summer has shown me, although I love my family, I CAN’T cohabitate anymore but I feel like I have no choice. It’s a crazy boxed in feeling.
@@alayjahk2348 i agree! it sucks not being able to live a decent life financially on our own ☹️ i am grateful that my parents have let me stay home while i work, go to school, and what not but sometimes i just want my own space
College really doesn't prepare you for post-grad life at all. They could do a lot more to show people career choices, and alternative paths but you literally have to figure things out on your own.
@@Nottyana that and having to make connections is another story since it’s not “what you know, it’s who you” sadly. i do have one “connection” it’s just that i gotta push myself to do it, especially for internships
Trust and believe I feel the same way. I graduate in May 2022 and decided to take a gap year from grad school. Personally, I just don't want to do the same mistake I did immediately after high school and go into college because it was not good for my mental health and I felt pressured due to the organizations I was apart of in high school basically driving "high school after college immediately" in my head. That applies with grad school and whether or not that's the best decision is irrelevant because my health is what will make me succeed at the end of the day. I know I'll perform well when I feel well.
I can relate so much to the process that you described. Actually, some of it jogged my memory of things I had to do when I pledged to the organization I’m apart of. For a while, I regretted joining it because it was so taxing and almost scarring for me. I can say I’ve grown from it even though I wouldn’t say it was worth it for my friendships, or career/connections. Initially, it was a harmful memory for me mentally once I finished. I’m stronger as a person now but it was definitely more of a negative experience.
Thank you for sharing your experience, I’ve always envied people my age who have went to college around 2018 … I’m 21 now and at the time I was 18 but I’ve heard so many stories ab people going into bad debt and etc no one talks about that just the “good” it’s not realistic for everyone and I always feel insecure when some people speak poorly on people who chose not to go or simply cannot go because it’s just not for everyone . my own sister had a full ride scholarship and she told me it wasn’t even worth it .. I’ll try trade school in the future but yeah thank you for sharing
Just go to community college. It’s basically free and the same thing minus room & board
wow i was actually looking to transfer to Howard next year.. thank you for shedding light on the truth you truly are appreciated for it !!
I quit my job because they wouldn't allow me to work from home... Back in 2019... The pandemic was such a blessing cause now I work from home without having to beg someone for it!
Right! The pandemic was a blessing to me in disguise‼️ Loved school from home
What do you do from home?
@@NoThing-nk3wx I'm a Civil Engineer... Design, asset management, R&D
this is so well done and clear and reflective!! i thought it was so mature how you talked about dropping out and everything in general. honestly a breath of fresh air compared to diff, less nuanced academic focused or drop out youtuber stories
College is not for everybody, including myself. Keep doing your thing Kai. Stay safe & blessed ya’ll. 🙏🏽
The video she can actually make now without having to withhold information. I’m glad you got to finally say your piece x
I haven’t completely watched this video yet but I want to say thank you, as a 15-year-old who is constantly on tiktok where HBCU’s are glamorized and spoke highly about, it’s nice to hear the truth about these schools. This really helped me determine what I want to do in my future and you didn’t even HAVE to talk about this so thank you!
Awww i just graduated from Howard this year! Speak your truth and I’m glad you did and stood your ground and let your voice be out there and letting nobody stop you. You should be proud of your new growth! I stand with you :) can’t wait to see your bright future!
I admire you for being able to recognize that college wasn't for you and make the decision to drop out. That definitely is not easy. I wish I had the courage to follow my heart when I was in school. I saw that I was unhappy and miserable but stayed because I was afraid of disappointing other people.
My mom got remarried 2-3 years ago and it’s just hit me 3 days ago . I’m tired of being chosen after her husband. I tired of them both yelling at me for senseless thing . I’m a CHILD I only turn 14 august 29 . Haven’t even started highschool and my home life’s already going downhill. My sister been felt it though … I’m talking when they first told us they were engaged. I just thought she was annoying for that I started to go against her with them up until corona. I really started to listen when they yelled and it was for no reason . I was in 7th and she was in 8th . We don’t know common life skills cause my moms always been rapped around a man . After my dad it was a dude I was probably 2-7 when he was out step dad . And then it was the happiest time of our life till she got remarried 9-10 to today 13 . It’s true “ young kids are scared their parents so they respect them , but When they get to a certain age and they’re not scared anymore they will NOT respect you .”
Well i hope your step dad is nice to you. I am sorry your mom puts her men first and not her children.
Hey girl. Find a hobby. Ask you mom or dad to put you in sports.
@@wakeup7874 he’s two face some time he’s nice sometimes his not . But thanks luv 💞💗
@@maroonhorizon1693 I am in basketball, track , and softball. Hope it takes up most of my home time for these next 4 years 🤞🏾😂
Dang. I’m sorry. But remember that you are in control of your own life. The people around you are just characters helping you build character! Nothing personal... just focus and get the hell out of there. Keep the boys away & stay UP! Those boys do not LOVE you, you have to love yourself- so wait until then to date, right now it is pointless. I didn’t meet my person until 22 and we have a child and it’s WORK. So just be patient and do you & stay optimistic and curious to learn and experience life without extra stress!!!!!!!!
Kai, I'm glad you're on this planet, truly. This video is so needed. I love real videos like this. Just know that this is a great example of healing and maturity + growth. I feel like you genuinely had the ability to express and explain yourself here. You have every right to re-make a video, give updates or decide to open up about something that you couldn't earlier. You're allowed to grow and realize why things happened the way they did...even after experiencing it all. (If this helps or brings anyone comfort, I'm on my last year at uni and it's been trash especially with dorming on campus, but I'm hanging on. The environment is super toxic on campus, but please remember what we're really there for. I have felt alone because everyone seems to want to mess each other up, I've felt very much unwelcomed at PWI's and some offices are plain rude to students. College is so hard to manage when we got a lot going on, so whatever you do make sure to take a pause or admit that this may not be for you any longer). Save yourselves the trauma. I think we should all accept our own pace and follow our intuitions as well. I feel for you Kai and I'm glad for your decision. I thank you for sharing this with us all. JUST KNOW Y'ALL: There's always more to life than what you're currently holding on to. Never be mad at yourself for doing what's right, rather be blessed that you took that step forward! (: -Luv
I really appreciate the transparency / vulnerability, bc the only difference w/ her is that she’s broadcasting her experience, but in reality a lot us deal with similar situations. Especially college ppl, so I’m sure a lot of people can relate.
my cousin is going to howard this fall. im curious to see what her experience will be like. wishing her luck and hoping she has a good experience
She will have a blessed & amazing school year in Jesus’ Christ name I pray~ Amen! 💙
@@TheJazmineRose Amen!
i wish her luck and prayers! 💙
My cousin just graduated from Howard 1 year ago. She pledged AKA and she had a great experience. She even had a career waiting for her when she graduated.
Everyone’s experience is different. Hope she has a wonderful time!
I’m glad that you’re in a better place now and more self aware and hopefully more confident
howard university’s social environment is literally equivalent to that of a high school 🙄
Hey Ky! I attend a SUNY, and I’m entering my sophomore year in a couple weeks. I’m really thinking about transferring and completing my bachelors at Howard ,but I’m nervous. I plan to attend law school after college and i guess from a Howard student perspective knowing what you know would recommend the transfer?
Thank you for the insight and sorry for the essay lol
@@joselenajojo5515 Hey, i also transferred (but from a CUNY) one thing i'd say is Howard probably won't accept all of your credits which could put a year or a semester back (which is what happened to me lol) so keep that in mind. Also since you're going to law school ((which you would probably have to take out loans) if you can't afford howard, don't take out loans to attend, it's really not worth it in my opinion. Also personally for me, it was kinda hard to assimilate because everyone pretty much had the same friend group from freshman year so i really felt like a freshman coming in.
@@vanessavazquez5167 that’s how i felt and my experience too when i transferred out of SUNY /: only thing is i didn’t finish my sophomore year but i think i’d still would’ve been held back a semester or two anyway
yikes some people never grow up-
I think that’s the environment of most HBCUs honestly. A lot of emphasis on the wrong things
omg i felt that i went to a predominantly yt middle school and high school and honestly i was so unhappy and feel like it affected me a lot i was never “black enough” and idk people had a problem with the way i spoke just little things that made me feel bad about myself and feel like i missed out on a lot of the “black experience” because i was mainly surrounded by yt i never fit in. So my solution is going to a hbcu bc i feel like i’ll be more comfortable (hopefully) i just don’t want to be judged like i was back in high school i never truly got to make black friends and that’s so upsetting with me being 20 :(( i will never put my kid in a predominantly yt school. I know my family thought it was for the better but i feel so screwed up not being around a lot of people that looked like me and being the quiet black girl didn’t help my situation at all when it came to making other black friends :/
omg i resonate with everything you’re saying so much i never felt like my family was a family i’m so messed up i’m emotionally unavailable i don’t know what love is never been in a relationship i’m just screwed up to the max i wish i could redo life
okay as i continue to listen we literally share the same life i’ve felt so alone my whole life i told myself i’d do youtube when i was younger bc i wanted a place to speak but i’ve just been too afraid & i have no friends fr or a support system really life is hard 😩 😢
@@catrocks93 you don’t have to redo life just reevaluate it now so you can be more at peace. (;
@@Dani-el9nf lol i’ll never be at peace
@@catrocks93 with that mentality... nope
I know exactly what you’re talking about & where you’re coming from. I started Howard the same year as you and the environment there was absolutely toxic. Keep speaking your truth 💯❤️
I’m the same year as y’all and I don’t really see the whole toxic thing. No college is perfect
@@powerbornfreedom3729 Great that you have a great experience, no collage is perfect but non is worth your mental health deteriorating.
I’ve been waiting for this one
I really appreciate your authenticity, and how you’re able to speak on certain situations that many people are undetermined to talk about💓
I’m glad you got your clarity and did what’s best for you. This is why I don’t do that type of shit. I don’t have time for fake relationships & superficial stuff. When I was in college, I literally stayed to myself. I dropped out, too, though, because the shit was depressing. I kept switching majors, didn’t care for loans, and it just seemed like pure bullshit. I was over it after two years, it just felt like an expensive high school to me.
I love writing and I’ve always been great at it and this English professor kept playing mind games with my grade. She literally kept giving me Cs and Ds on paper, yet my overall grade was an A. That’s mental abuse to me, no one has time for power trips & unnecessary stress.
It's just really cool to watch you blossom or ebb & flow. Your bravery is appreciated.
I was in Atl on a couple weekends ago and thought I saw you at US cafe. I walked up to the girl and she was so confused 😂
i bet that was quite the experience 😂😭
@@ohohnenyeoo2654 😂 it was funny. She laughed. so i don’t think i made myself look too crazy
@@missSDW pulled it off like a pro👏🏾😂
This is very inspirational!! And I’m actually happy that you’re aware of things now and you’re content so far where you’re at. That’s all that matters.
Low-key your experience with the organization is similar to my experience with college rotc. One issue with organizations where members run the indoctrination/candidate phase is that they want to feel powerful and accomplished so they make the indoc phase sooo traumatizing for their own personal egos. & then once they make it into the org they want revenge and subject the next pnm's to the same treatment. It's a toxic cycle of abuse...
The video I was waiting for. Thank you for standing in your truth and being vulnerable with us enough to share it
No when I was watching those videos back, I was reading the comments about you being social and I was thinking “were we watching the same thing?”
Trinity lead me here. Love your vibe.
This video confirmed a lot of what I heard about Howard and gathered from the people i've met that attended Howard. It came across like it was more about the name and affiliation vs what can you do for your community also like you're above everyone else around if you're picked to be apart of the "cool kids table (different clubs, groups, etc)". Very cult like and a light should be shed on this. like that walking you to class thing is crazy af and its a red flag whenever someone says "you can't tell anyone about this" like an abuser would require.
Nobody talks about the realities of college. I don’t even like being in school but bc of my at home environment I love being on campus!
I literally went to college to escape the cold situation at home, where nobody talks about their problems. I am losing interest in my degree, my academics are very bad and I have no guts to drop out and I feel very stuck. My family wouldn't want to me to drop out and I know their reason for that would be that I would be embarrassing the family. I'm just stuck. I find myself debating between suicide and just turning off my emotions and joining the corporate world. I also can't believe I spend most of my time(in my early 20's) rewriting my childhood in my,in my head. I'm clearly still licking the wounds caused by my childhood trauma and need some HEALING. Growing up sucks I guess. As for suicide, mhm...
Kai,I really love your videos❤. They help❤.
I’m not really good at comforting words but pls don’t go thru with suicide. I have been in similar/same position. Trust me even when it seems like ur situation is hopeless you WILL get thru it. It does actually get better! It gets worse before it gets better. Ride it through you will thank yourself. It will be worth it
Sending you all the hugs and love rn Just know you're not alone babe 🤍🤍
@@lamonteosu5882 I hope you get through what you're feeling. I will pray that you find positive ways to help you push through.
Pls if you want to talk, reply back to me. You are not alone. It may not feel that way but you are not alone.
That’s so crazy because I’ve been feeling the exact same way! I feel so stuck between wanting to drop out for my own piece of mind or just forcing myself to stick through it because I know how many people I would disappoint- this has just left me feeling drained and severely depressed. And to top it off I haven’t made one single genuine connection since coming to college 😭
I truly resonated with this. I took a leave of absence after my first semester, right before Covid came. I enjoyed college for the snacks from the vending machine, the halal food truck, some of the literature, and for cracking jokes with fellow classmates and the professors. I personally felt like it was wayyy to much academic pressure to deal with for an 18 year old dude to process. At this point, as a 20yr old, All I wanna do is heal from my trauma, make my art, read great books, meet great people, eat great food, and then die. ☮️
meeeeeeee
From a DC Native, Howard is upheld but coming from a DC perspective we all grew up knowing Howard was full of elite Black people bc it was built by Black people who turned elite or relied on colorism to build caste systems.
A lot of my family went to Howard in the 90s/2000s so somewhat of a different vibe.
I think the good HBCUs surround the well known like Towson, Bowie, etc
I wish HBCUs gave more scholarships to kids
As a DC native I agree with that but no one that I know of went to Howard, everyone just wanted to get out of DC💀💀
@@friendoftheinternet a lot of people I know were from PG County or Montgomery. A few just wanted that scholarship money. I knew I wasn't going to Howard not for them old ass dorms 👀😂
--Towson may seem like a HBCU with the amount of Black folks who attend, but it is a PWI and not a HBCU. Perhaps you meant Morgan State (right down the street) or Coppin State (in West Baltimore).
think I’ll finally join the patreon
Thank you for sharing your story I’m sure many can relate. After the pandemic I couldn’t focus on classes, also felt like I was just wasting money. Talking about being rushed into trying to find yourself, very eye opening… much love ❤️
Yes, even the band hazes. Shit is wild af.
I graduated from Howard and all of these things. I was recently telling my partner about it. He said to me, "it doesn't sound like you enjoyed going there." I can't say thats entirely true, but the elitism, hazing culture, disorganization, clout chasing, and keeping up with the social aspect of Howard really did a number on my mental health. Living with two roommates in the same room?!?! Was too much. It was a struggle for me to graduate and I thought about transferring a few times. Good for you that you ultimately made the decision that was right for you. I wouldn't send my children there, unfortunately.
whew the part about realizing you lost control 😩 felt ! dropped out for the same reason
Wow😯. You covered a lot of area in this video. As an older woman just listening to you, you are an articulate, intelligent and well spoken young lady. Explore life with enthusiasm and poise. You are going to be successful. Your realization of your accomplishments and experiences not to mention the fact that you are very honest and transparent. One day at a time whatever is going on is going to be the springboard for you to go on to do great things. Keep your head to the sky you’re okay. Much Love Peace and Blessings be safe!❤️☮️🙌🏾🙏🏾✝️😍🥰❤️
It is so freaky how similar our stories are. From the scholarships to the social life to the quality of the curricula. Coming from your going back to college at 22? video. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I’m so proud of you! I’m rooting for you sis! My sister goes to Howard and is enduring a lot
Bruhhh this whole video is me going through college nowwww like this is crazy how relatable this is
35 min... will I watch? HELL YA..
I find it funny how this pops up on my recommended after I added Howard to my list and was considering applying, definitely gave me a different view of this school
Funny because I’m switching from going to predominantly black school to a pwi😭😭
God that’s gonna be awkward lol
i hope the transition goes smoothly 😅
@@Yh-vi2sv omg. i can only imagine i made the switch when i was in middle school i hated school so much bc of it i didn’t fit in at all 😕
Same💀💀 penn state Harrisburg
It feels weird thinking about it but I chose a PWI over an HBCU. For many reasons but mainly because they offered more financial aid and I couldn’t see myself at any of the HBCUs I toured. People tried and still try to make me feel bad about it like im “turning my back on the black community” but no im doing what is best for me and my life. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad for your choices!
You were so honest and I love that about you 💙 I’m in college and has experienced similar things so youre not alone
Thank you for sharing. This was so insightful for a parent of someone who is interested in Howard. It’s clear that you’ve grown, gained clarity and become stronger. All the best on your continued journey.
So glad that you shared this. This is SO REAL and SO RELATABLE. You’re so courageous for forging your own path, taking care of your mental health, & being honest about your experiences!
i'm only three minutes into your video, but i had to pause it to comment. i cannot explain how much i admire your self-awareness and honesty. i've been struggling with low self worth lately, but i never want to admit it to myself or others because i worry of how I'll be perceived. hearing you talk about things i relate to so deeply is so REFRESHING and i'm instantly one of your biggest fans. you are amazing, keep it up :)
I'm always mesmerized at your word choice/ the flow of your videos. also come thru skin 🌞
I’m among the first, if not first
🧍♂️
U was definitely first
thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Kai!! Helps a lot of us feel like we're not alone. Sending you love and light queen!
Wow. The whole video. Literally was bc of adhd. The addition. The abuse. The situation you put yourself in. Lack of control. Being constantly overwhelmed and depressed as well as unmotivated and not fitting in enough . Or not connecting w people. Wow . Low belief in yourself and your worth. Ughhhh adhd especially when it’s not medicated. Is horrible and hell!!! It affects all areas. Literally what happened to me. Was everything you said. Thanks for this!!
I’m so surprised to see this many people in the comments who didn’t know about hazing, let alone how terrible it is. I’m glad a lot of its cult like behavior is coming to light especially with the number of casualties that lay in its wake.
sorry to ask, but can you explain a little on the depths of hazing? I’m 17 and I just learned about the term while watching this video
@@arayax04 My bad for the late response, but basically hazing is very hard and humiliating trails put in place by frats and sororities to initiate people into their organizations. For example, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol within a specific time frame, water intoxication, branding, public nudity, and various other morally unacceptable acts. So in laymen terms, its a “how far will go” competition. And then to top it all off they usually play it off as something you can opt out of once you reach your limit, but leave out the fact that you are basically shunned by the community and will find it hard to make those social connections with others that are in that community.
@@vonniee5369 holy cow that’s all insane…thank you so much for explaining it to me
This video made my day. Thanks so much Kai. You are touching the souls of so many people❤️❤️❤️
I joined a coed frat in college and it was almost the exact same stuff you're describing, minus the finding people to walk with. But seriously, it took such a toll on everyone and I didn't realize until graduating how much it actually sucked. You're def not alone, but in college there's a sort of code of secrecy where if everyone isn't talking about it, then you don't either. So I always felt super alone in that feeling.
It’s crazy that the pandemic also helped u a bit.! It literally helped me too. I felt a little bit more peace. And was less harder on myself.
Ur attitude got better from the last couple vids. Ur getting better and better every day!
Girl, I am so happy you decided to talk about this. These black organizations (it seems to be everywhere including PWI) don't really care to see black people win, which I find disturbing? I have found an org that I feel is best for me but tbh this stuff is not okay for people who are coming into a new life.
Thanks Kai for this video. I’ve been watching you since your senior year of high school and with Howard being my dream school I always wondered why you left.
I love how transparent you get on your channel. It's why I've been a subscriber for so long
never related to a video so much. Thank you for being you, truly.
bro this video made me cry it sucks that u went through all this and im happy for u now that u got through that and did what was right for u
The crazy thing about HU is that they give us scholarships and then never check up on students or have any safeguards in place to help students retain the scholarship. At the PWI I went to afterwards, it laid out my advisors, my gpa, and all the other information I needed to have to keep me up to date on my financial aid package and academics. The moment I was in danger of losing a scholarship or having my gpa dip below a 3.0 (major requirement)/2.5 (college requirement) the account froze and I received an email from my advisor. HU had no such thing and almost reveled in “breaking” students down and leaving them in the cold and dark to flounder on their own.
speak your truth!!
Agree with everything that you mentioned in your video. I attended Howard also and graduated in 2018. Sometimes I wish I had switched schools and went to another HBCU or a PWI. I felt like Howard was waaay too elitist and a lot of people were mean. I felt like I didn’t belong and it was hard going there while having social anxiety. And the off campus place you’re talking about is ridiculously priced and they raised their rent even more now and everyone is trying to get out of their lease lol
i made the decision to leave today, hearing you helps so much.
Thank you so much for making this video💕💕 you confirmed everything about what my intuition has been telling me about Howard and uni life. I immediately fell in love with the illusion of it when I was a hs junior after a brief campus tour but overtime something about it felt off and no other video was able to justify the feeling I've gotten until I watched yours. After watching your video I feel so much better that I chose to attend Community College instead, I've been making all the decisions based off my intuition and know I made the right choices but I was upset because of my self-worth issues even though I'm having a lot of fun in community College right now with absolutely nothing to worry about, but you worded everything perfectly and provided lots of clarity and I related so much🥰 I do think HU and university was so appealing to me at first because it actually appealed to my shadow self lol
thank you for making this video, it was good to hear more clarity on your decision and more context. i appreciate your honesty and love all your videos !
I loved hearing you talk about you're experience and I'm glad you made the right decision for you. Also super interesting to hear you almost went to Dillard because that's where I go and I considered Howard as well :)