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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2023
- Suzanne is back and talks about the response to her recent interview and video on daycare-and shares the politically incorrect data on this subject that she unearthed twenty years ago when she wrote her first book.
• Will America Ever Be R...
• “It’s Not Mom-Shaming,...
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Thank you for sharing this information. I have a 3yr old, 1 year old and 7 week old. I never intended to stay at home and used to be a lawyer, but as you have highlighted elsewhere, your priorities change when you have a baby. Before I had my first child I figured I would send her to daycare at 6 months old and return to work. But once I had her I just couldn't bring myself to do it. My career suddenly didn't feel as important, yet I felt useless staying at home. It took me until recently to understand that staying at home with my children is the most important job I should be doing, and your podcasts have helped me come to terms with that. I now feel at peace in my role and know that I can return to my career later, but my children need me now. I'm so grateful I realised this now at 30 and not when it was too late. Thank you Suzanne
My sister decided to stay home to raise her four kids. Once the last was in highschool she went back to work. Right into her old job making even more money. You can do it all just not at the same time. Wish you the best
My wife stays at home. We have a two year old. From the start, she let me know that was her goal in the family and why it was important to her. I shared that same goal. Our jobs are not as important as we make them. Yes, we need money to live. However, with the money we make, we must be good stewards of it so that when we choose to bring children into the world so we can be with them. Blessings to you and your family.
My husband and I just had our first and I always planned to stay home, but I never thought that was an option until I met him. I was in college when I met him and I actually stopped going in my junior year because I realized I didn’t want to do anything in politics/law (that was my major). You should not feel useless! Being a mom/parent is the most important jobs in the world and you are the most important person to your kids. My mom stayed home with us and I felt so fortunate to have her there for us. If you haven’t listened to Dr. Laura she has a podcast and book titled “In praise of stay at home moms” (thats just the title of the book her podcast has her name in it though) I haven’t read it yet but it has great reviews and I love Dr. Laura!
Talented women make for good mothers. It's a tragedy to waste their skills on spreadsheets and emails.
@@jeremiahkatz7218love this comment! I agree 😊
I am quitting my job and taking my kids out of daycare in a month! Partially because of the push from your show. Thank you!!!
I am a former day care teacher , did that for 7 years in the 1990s, I quit a few years before I became pregnant with my 1st son, I never wanted my boys in child care.
What cemented my beliefs was school age kids telling me we wish you were our mom and latchkey was our home. My boys went to nursery school a few hours a week, and the onto kindergarten.
Teachers in the grade school told me they could tell the difference between those raised at home and those who had been in a day care.
If you can swing it, home is best for the kids, all the best to you ❤
@@terrylynn9984what is the difference between daycare kid and homeschool kid?
That's so wonderful ❤❤ you won't regret it. The well being of your children is more important than any money.
I hope you follow through with your decision. I have worked in daycares. I highly recommend that you quit your job. If you saw what goes on, you wouldn't hesitate. There's alot of abusive people working in daycares. Don't expect the directors to protect your kids. They are only going to protect themselves and their job. Get a nanny cam if you have to have someone else watch your kids. The smiles you see in these daycares are phony.
Awesome for you and your kiddos!!
I worked in a daycare for six months, and it was the worst job experience I have ever had. I worked with two year olds, and I had three or four students in a class of twelve who would literally cry for eight hours straight. There was nothing I could do to console them, and all they did was cry, scream, and ask for mom and dad. The job was so stressful because I would have to direct all of my attention putting out fires with the screaming children, which meant I was not paying enough attention to the calm children. The calm children would walk around with their hands over their ears to block out the crying. And I was not allowed to be honest with the parents, because the director just wanted their business. To all the moms out there, just remember this: Daycare is a business. The director will tell you anything you want to hear in order to take your money, and everyone, including your child is stressed out!! If your child is calm, they are stressed out by the other kids who aren’t. And if your child is crying and screaming all day, that isn’t healthy for anyone in that environment!!
This makes me truly sad. I am so happy I quit my job and stayed with my babies!!
Yep. I've been there but 12!!! I only had 10 in my class. I now run a small daycare in my home for mother's who only work a few hours a week because big daycares only want full time spots. I never have more than 3 kids in at a time.
Wow that is honestly so scary. It’s heartbreaking to imagine. Your story is so important!! I wish more moms could know inside information from actual daycare workers - not just the sugarcoated version the center gives them, as you say! I stay home with my son, I feel really sad for the daycare babies.
This is completely accurate coming from one former daycare worker to another
I worked in daycares too. The directors only care about money. I will never send my child to another daycare. The directors lie to the parents about what's going on. Most of these kids can't talk to tell their parents what's happening to them.
I read/watch/listen to a lot of vintage 1940s & 1950's type content. The comments are always alway always full of people saying "back when you could live on one income" or "unless you are rich, there is no way someone can afford to stay home with their kids". There is a huge disconnect in what a "basic standard of living" consisted of back then versus today. In the 1940s, those ladies were cooking every meal from scratch, the family probably only had one car that went with the husband to work, the houses were much smaller, kids didn't have a separate play room filled with toys, and vacations were simple. Now today, an $8 drink from Starbucks everyday, a huge home as soon as you are married, subscriptions programs to 10 different things charged monthly, shopping at the "trendy" grocery store, girls weekends, guys weekends, prepacked fancy lunches school, having kids in every sport that requires travel every weekend, and then the elephant in the room - electronics! Buying 8 year olds $2,000 Iphones.... I guess my point is, if people really went back to the living standards back in the 40's and 50's, my guess is most would be able to stay home and live on one income.
Can't get homes those size, everything is over or undersized. Choices are an RV or 2,000 square ft place
@@kaniavaconiomodelingmelani9917 - I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean. All of the houses my husband and I have purchased have been between 1200 and 1500 sq feet. Two -three bedrooms with one bath style homes. The house my husband purchased b/f we were married was 800 sq feet. Now these homes were all older homes, not new builds, but at least around here, there are plenty of homes between 800 -1500 square feet.
YES!!!! Friggin THANK you! You absolutely CAN afford to. Everyone is just a spoiled little brat it seems. You can't have a crazy lifestyle and live on one normal income. That's normal. People think they need so much now!we live on my husband's income 55K /year and I sometimes Make a small side income
(under 10) from home. We have two kids and 4 animals... we have a very decent house we do renovations our self, I'm very good at saving money on food and clothes, we each barly have spending money these days with all of our bills inflated, it's getting tough...but it's definitely working and definitely worth it.
Well said. This is precisely the point I've found myself having to make in conversations with those who claim they can either 1. Not afford to have children at all and are blatantly Anti-Natalist or 2. Are married and want or have one child, but are unwilling to learn things like budgeting, giving up luxuries/non-essentials just to keep their kids in daycare so they can work a job they hate so they can have nice things and kids that end up damaged. Makes sense lol.
Great thought!
Heartbreaking - especially when I see young women who have an upper middle class life - husbands make great money and can support them and a family - STILL dropping infants off at daycare just so they can have more money, travel, cars, ..... Like Dr. Laura used to say - Why did you even have kids if you don't want them?
It’s like they are pets.
Dr. Laura should be happy more since more people are opting out of having kids altogether.
If we’re told that the only right way to raise kids is “Dr. Laura’s” way, most of us just won’t have kids!
I hope the elitist perfectionists are happy with this mostly-childfree society they’re creating!
@@terry9238 Hi Terry - I'm sorry you came away with that impression. I hope more young women will take seriously the long term damage (based on reputable data) day care does to infants and children. Dr. Laura has been quite a mentor to many and while her bedside manner doesn't always rub people the right way she always tell the truth (it hurts sometimes!). I'm not sure you who refer to as 'elitist perfectionists' but I do know the young traditional Catholic women at my parish in super leftist Portland Oregon are having large families in the year 2023 (4+) as are conservative families - very encouraging. Personally I believe the key as Suzanne said, is proper planning - realistic budgeting and expectations and of course the joint goal of mother and father avoiding having strangers raising their kids. Children are a blessing and not one every woman gets to enjoy - don't give away your opportunity to cherish a sweet baby and see her/him grow.
@@meanoldbag it's not an impression, terry is right. One bread winner with stay at home mom is not the "right" way to raise a family. I'm a trad Catholic and have a large family and I have even attended the mass in Portland. I've been a stay at home mom my whole life and my husband has provided. It's not the right way. It's just a way. Every way has different "harms" because of original sin. Catholic France had wet nursing agencies dating at least back to the 14th century. Whenever they could afford it, European Catholic families up until the 20th century usually raised children with wet nurses, nannies, governesses, and boarding schools. Nuclear families and moms taking on so much of the childcare is a Protestant, Freudian, Darwinian, post-industrial aberration.
Everyone being a stay at home mom never was and never will be a universal option. If every other way is viewed as wrong and harmful, then child-free lifestyles and abortions go up.
I agree, i teach kinder, I can also tell which children have been raised at home and which have been raised in daycare. Parents often say,”I put my child in daycare or preschool so that they learn social skills.” My reply, “your child learns social skills from you and your relationship with them.” Parents are so important to their children, children need parents to raise them not other children. Daycare is children raising children.
I am intrigued, what are some differentials you can tell from daycare kids to kids that were at home during the early years?
even if u put kids in day care, they still learn from their parents.
This same thing has happened to nursing homes. They were originally designed for those who didn’t have family to care for them. Now, because we’ve decided our elders are a burden, it is considered normal to put our parents in them, making them wards of the state. It’s sad.
Also, too medical care is prolonging the life of many that otherwise would have died, but instead they survive but with very heavy long term care needs, like after a stroke or with dementia.
Combine that with most people not saving enough for their end years and you have many people in nursing homes.
People don’t ever hear about that most of a state’s Medicaid budget is spent in nursing home expenses and not healthcare for low income kids and adults….
@@charliep5139 I’ve totally noticed this too!! Very true statement. If they live at home for their remaining years they will probably have better quality of life, but definitely be a shorter life. And the nursing home the medication And other supports will keep them alive longer. Also in a nursing home they will never walk again because once you go into a nursing home you’re put in a wheelchair and kept there so you don’t break your hip and sue the nursing home
Well all the women that in the past would’ve been available to help with elderly relatives are now all working until they are elderly themselves.
There is a myriad of reasons why nursing homes exist, I have a heart condition and would not be able to care for my parents, my husband and bil sil work full time and would not be able to care for their parents.
Caring for a grown adult, lifting, bathing general care is far more strenuous then taking care of little kids. And no way will I be a burden to my boys, nor do I expect them to take care of me.
In the old days families were larger with many adult children to help in the care of parents, families are smaller today.
One cannot even compare the two.
Yeah, thing is, if you palm your babies off to daycare, they will remember. Payback? Consequence.
I had to pause this for a minute to tell my husband thank you for never pressuring me to go back to work. We made lifestyles adjustments and I got to stay home with our first and soon our second. No job has ever made me feel as important and fulfilled as parenting.
As an empty-nester to 4 beautiful adults, I am very close with all my children. I believe being a stay at home mom helped because I was always available for them and never could imagine someone else raising them.
Same here. I home school too. I know no one else who is doing what my husband and I are doing. It can be lonely, but I don't care. The freedom that comes with staying home with your kids is hard to give up.
@@playdohsrepublic3562I am doing the same and agree with the loneliness feeling but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Same. It's exhausting but in a different sort of way. Yes, it can be stressful and everyone wants a break at some point. But when you consider the impact you're having on the next generation (and even beyond that to your children's children and so on) it's worth it, and it's worth pursuing excellence within the home.
I can't imagine placing my 3 month old into daycare. The view of daycare is changing, though. My boss told me to spend as much time as possible at home and if I needed to leave, he'd miss me but completely understand. My landlord talked with me about how she'd never put her own sons in daycare and commended my decision. My parents and husband fully supported me stepping away from work. I haven't gotten a single person second guessing my decision to become a stay at home mom. I hope one day it'll be this way for everyone.
That's amazing that you had a boss that was supportive of you staying home. When I went on maternity leave, the last thing my boss said to me was enjoy the baby and hurry back.
I used up all of the 16 weeks of paid leave they offered, and I quit.
Because it's a choice that you and baby daddy made.
In the 70's we had to go back at 6 weeks. It killed me. All I thought about all day was rescuing my kids from the day care.
You made the best choice for your child. I worked in daycares. I tell parents not to send their kids unless they have no choice. Horrible things go on in daycares. That's why I quit and won't send my one year old to a daycare again.
Years ago Money magazine did a case study where 2 working parents realized how unhappy they were with their lives, every morning was a rush to get the kids off to daycare & school, their lives were spent in a hectic circle, working to pay for others to raise their family. and even with 2 well paying jobs, they were not able to save for retirement. Their child care (3 kids) was costing $1100 a month. They looked at which had the job with the best pay, benefits, and future opportunities for higher pay (his). So she quit work, and since she then had the time to meal plan, budget, shop strategically, cook at home, (they were eating out/take out almost every day before), they cut down from 1 to 2 cars, weren’t paying child care. Then she had time to plan the family’s activities and organize attend school activities etc., and that along with being able to enjoy their lives more, and do family activities and meals together, have weekends off, in the end they came out with an additional $500 a month to put in savings.
The euphemisms don't stop at "childcare" and "early childhood education." Many call it "school" now. I've lost count of how many photos I saw on social media last week of small toddlers posed with those little "First Day of School" chalkboards. And the parents refer to it exclusively as "school"
This!!! I've seen it too! Very clever to market it as school that way parents feel it's compulsory to send their kids there 😢
The message I received growing up was "you can't count on a man" as a woman. Which it turns out is really bad advice.
I didn’t hear that but I saw that every where around me. But I’ve always wanted to be a sahm.
No one knows the future, but I do know one thing: I will never, ever regret spending as much time as possible with our baby boy. We're almost a year in, and can't wait to spend the next two years with him at home with us (im lucky my husband works from home). We're frugal by nature and it works fine financially. He's the light of our lives, and I dont want to miss a minute of it!
As a previous daycare worker and having been in daycare since infancy myself, I can attest to all of this. I got my degree in early childhood education and worked for years at very prestigious “child development center”. Though I believe the majority of all child care workers go into the field with great intentions of being emotionally present and providing ideal care for each and every child in their class, it’s impossible to do so with how daycares are set up. The ratio of child to caregiver is so large, it is physically impossible to give the time and attention needed to each individual child, even on your best day. Those with behavioral issues tend to get the most attention, however the behavioral issues tend to be perpetuated by the environment anyway and then those who do not exhibit extreme behaviors get less of the teachers time because the teachers are busy trying to manage the classroom or if they are working in an infant classroom, tend to the needs of the more vocal/needy babies. It’s a vicious cycle. And just being honest, as someone who now has their own child, I now know that daycare teachers are never going to love your child or be as invested in their well being as you will. We are just not biologically wired to do so when a child is not our own. All this to say, we sacrificed a lot income and lifestyle wise so we could keep my son home with us rather than send him to daycare.
I second this! All of it! I am currently a daycare teacher in the infant classroom. The ratio is four babies to one teacher and I do believe it is way too high! It should be two babies to one teacher, in my opinion. When I tell people I can watch four babies to myself they look at me like I’m crazy, which does actually sound crazy, I’ve just been so used to doing it that I don’t even realize.
And you are so right, no child gets the attention that they deserve because I have so many things to do and other babies to take care of all at once. It’s so fast paced. It makes me feel so sad for the fussier babies because I truly can’t help them. All they want is someone to play with them or have someone constantly in their face, I’m just not able to do that, to give that kind of attention all day long to one baby.
I’ve been there for five years, some days are rough, stressful, and exhausting but on the good days it is so rewarding to watch the growth that we get to be apart of in these babies lives, even if for a short while. When I eventually have kids of my own though, I would never want them to be in daycare. It is germ infested no matter how much cleaning we do, and while some people I work with I would completely trust to watch my kids, there have been some that I would never want to be my child’s teacher.
I worked in daycares off and on as well. I definitely concur with what was said here. I did Montessori and Head Start. There were kids there from 7 am to 7 pm when the parents would be late to pick up. Kids with horrible behavior. And not only constant sickness from germ contagion, but the social contagion of certain bad behaviors as well. I worked again at a daycare for the last time when my son was 6 months. He was in another room most of the time. I hated it even though I was right there! I decided to quit and just stay home. Best decision.
@@amandajean4665 oh my goodness, the germs!!!! I would have whole classrooms of kids be out for weeks on end with crazy illnesses, lice, etc. just because they would all keep giving it to each other as well as the teachers.
@@biologicalwoman4364 so great to hear you were able to stay home with your son! I could remember when working as a preschool teacher, prior to being a mom myself that I would think about having a child and get so sad because I kept thinking, how the heck am I going to have the emotional availability for my own child when I get home if I’ve spent it up on all of these children that aren’t even mine! Not to say I didn’t deeply care for the kids I taught or cared for, but I knew even before having my own child that it wasn’t going to be the same.
@@hangoodrich983 yeah and honestly that's one of the scary things about trusting a daycare with your kids. Even the best intentioned teachers and workers cannot replace the love and dedication of a mother. It wasn't until I became a mom that I realized how I was willing to die and kill for my child. People aren't built to be willing to sacrifice that much for someone else's child. It's just true. Compound upon that that some daycare workers don't have the best intentions or have become jaded, and you have a disaster for young children and babies.
I had my boys in the 90’s and 2001. I stayed home. We did fine. We didn’t have all the fancy home decorations and vacations but we did fine. My 3 year old learned Suzuki violin. I cooked and cut coupons. We actually saved money. My husband’s family thought I should be in the workforce and labeled me lazy because his brother’s wife and put their children in daycare. 20 years forward, my kids are motivated and graduated college with honors and both engaged to be married and have wonderful employment. I cooked and kept an immaculate home. My boys know the difference.
Baby of the 80s...I remember daycare as baby prison, i was there since 6 weeks old. At 6pm watching the front door with dread in my tummy. My mum was always late. It was so stressful as a baby( and beyond) to see all the kids picked up, but mine would come after they turned all the lights off and the workers wanted to go home. It was horrible. They would scold me for my mums lateness.
I was a day care baby too, my mom was also late
I’m so glad I have found you here Suzanne. After getting pregnant I knew I wasn’t going to put our baby in a daycare. I tried not to worry about that but it was scary the idea of living with only one income. It’s exactly like you said, this lifestyle today is all about consuming. The coffee, the clothes, the restaurants, the trips, gosh do we really need all of that to be happy?! Imagine living in the world 1000 years ago without all the paraphernalia we have today. I realized we were following the crowd and wasting money. My child is more important than this. Now my baby is 5 months and I left my job to be with him from day one. Nobody can replace me as a mom and I’m totally replaceable at my job. Thank you so much for sharing and please keep posting.
Love this and go you! I resigned when my babe was 18mo and it was so scary, not only because we were SUCH consumers, but also because we’re even made to believe that we - the mothers! - are inadequate and incompetent compared to caretakers who were educated & trained to take care of multiple kids at once. Wild to think that I ever thought my babies would be better off with someone else! We were made for this!
I agree. Sadly many in our generation think they must have all the “stuff” to live a good life.
One of my best friends chose the career + daycare road in life. She lives in a large newly renovated house, travels to Dubai or Thailand every year and works a lot of overtime. The kids have been in daycare since they were little so they aren’t that close with mom.
My husband and I chose to buy the smallest house we could find. We haven’t gone on international vacations since we became parents but I love our life. I’d much rather live on a tight budget and see my kids every day. People matter so much more than all the stuff.
I’m not on any social media and that helps. I don’t compare my lifestyle with others on social media and therefore I’m usually very content.
I know many people who separated after the birth of their child because the woman wanted to stay home and be domestic and the man was totally flummoxed and adamantly against it. The males simply cannot wrap their heads around mothers not supplying a constant paycheck. It is my experience that most American marriages and relationships are non-binary and maternal instincts disrupt that template. The mothers who aren't taken care of often grow to hate the father of their children because they make life so difficult for them.
When I watch old movies and TV shows, I stare in disbelief when I hear a man say something like "No wife of mine will be working!" Can any American IMAGINE that being said today???
An older woman I was speaking with this weekend told me she stayed home to raise her kids. It was normal for husbands to even take more than one job for a wife to do so. That's how important children were considered-- and the men didn't complain because they were actually dutiful.. I feel so horrible for the friends I have who couldn't raise their own kids and had to dump them into day care centers at birth just because they made the mistake of going to medical or law school and establishing themselves as a competent breadwinner. Sweet women are naturally humble and undemanding. It takes a lot of nerve to ask someone to go work when you stay home-- and if you do you'll get called lazy and money-focused. It's horrible.
I see things only getting worse unless programming and conditioning of the young begins to change drastically. I watched some stupid cartoon with a friend and his 5 year old son and the whole thing was about males being weak and not heroic (and that being okay) and girls being smart and totally independent. I wanted to scream-- this is why the mother of your kid hates you! And you're just pumping your son full of the same feminist BS.
It's important to remember that the establishment of the Family Wage was something that the economist Frances Perkins had to work for -- petitioning corporate leaders to give male heads of households a big enough salary so that moms could stay home. The 50s didn't emerge out of nowhere-- the ideal was set and actualized by deliberately adhering to it.
In other words, the “traditional family” pattern that some people tell us is “natural” was actually artificially created in the early to mid 20th Century, and forced into policy. No wonder it was only somewhat popular for a few decades, before its flaws became apparent and people started moving away from it!
Imagine a society that actually incentivised young married couples to own a home, and enabled them to do so debt-free, and for mothers to raise their children, and even gave them awards and incentives and tax breaks for doing so... Germany in 1938.
I'm a SAHM and even the idea of someone else, especially someone I've never met, watching my baby or toddler was making me sad 💔
I've been a SAHM for 14 years. Kid's teachers have always told me how well mannered they are. They can tell which kid were at home babies or had to go to daycare. The "child care" centers locally all have bad ratings. There have been many cases of abuse. Thankfully no deaths. I know one woman's son who was hurt. And I went to school with another woman who is sitting in prison now for abusing an infant. Keep your kids out of these places!
Babies and toddlers are incredibly difficult and even parents abuse their own kids. I don't see how one stands a chance from strangers.
I used to work for a daycare and everything you’ve said is 10000% accurate. Taught me one thing, never send your kids to daycare, ESPECIALLY if they can not talk or communicate well. And this is the one everyone raved about and loved. If they only know what happened behind closed doors.
Well that's intriguing. Tell us more.
I agree. I worked in daycares. I took my one year old out of daycare. I'll never send him back. He was always upset and starving when I picked him up. He would chug 3 bottles of milk when we left daycare. The daycare denied that he wasn't being fed properly. The directors are liars. They don't give a damn about those kids. The kids are just dollar signs.
the daycare I worked for would cut corners and serve up less food for the kids, thinking that a few absences were going to happen and there would be less waste. if we had more kids show up we would just have to give the kids less food to cover for them. @@mamabear71234
I grew up in daycares, it was absolute hell. My kids will never step foot in one.
I was once reprimanded by the director for telling the state evaluation person the truth about the facility's practices, because it made them look bad. I gave my 2 weeks notice shortly thereafter.
I was born in ‘86 and was put in daycare as a baby. My mother told me that she wanted to stay home with me but my father insisted she went back to work despite the fact that they could make it on his income alone. They did get divorced eventually.
I also found it very hard to date when men found out I did not have a bachelors degree, (I have an AA degree) At the time I was a full time bank teller. They wanted an “equal”.
When my husband and I had our second child we knew it was time for me to stay home. It was hard for him to adjust to being the sole provider and us having to budget. It’s true that my generation (the majority, not all) have never had to wait to buy things, to really stick to a budget. Thankfully two years home taking care of my family and we are all much happier.
1987, same for my parents, same for the college degree thing? I always found it odd that in my *religious* community guys our age expected a girl to earn the same or in some cases they wanted a woman to be the breadwinner. Most of their moms were SAHMs too. It was always a deal breaker in my early early 20s. I had a stable job with good pay but once I had kids, those kids were going to be my job (thankfully, I'm a sahm and that dream worked out).
Most guys I was interested in got what they wanted too. I see on SM now theyre married to (amazing, smart) high earning women or...are already divorced from them.
What happened to men in those few years? Lol. I'm thankful I got a good one.
I'm so happy for you and your family and grateful for your honesty! Your children and husband are very lucky.
Men wanted an equal because we were forced to hold ourselves back. And even more so today.
@@SavannahSedaiso true! I never realized until I heard Fr Ripperger talking about the beauty and NECESSITY of a SAHM in the marriage that it was OK that I wasn't making big $ for the family and taking care of the home and the babies instead.
You should’ve gotten a degree. Once children get older unless you’re a homeschool family you’ll have a lot of free time and you could be spending that making some money to pad your finances and pad you and your husbands retirement. Relying on one income for retirement in this day and age is pretty crazy.
Also she says both parents are responsible for their kids. That’s a laughable idea when I know many women who’ve divorced and the fathers all but disappeared or have very limited roles and so it’s never a guarantee that you’ll not be a single parent after divorce
I love being home with my kids and I love homeschooling them. I refuse to share them with anyone...lol. But seriously, when they are happy I enjoy their laughter, when they are sad I comfort them. When they get bumps and bruises, I clean them up. And when they have questions about life, I can immediately provide a Biblical answer. Being home and raising them is a tremendous blessing and I am so thankful to the Lord for the opportunity to be a mom.
Amen!
❤ I feel the exact same way about my little boy! Love this!!!
I really appreciate all of this!! I'm a stay-at-home mom of five kids. My husband and family are of course supportive and think I'm doing great, but outside comments from friends and strangers are often negative about not having my own career. Or their number one thing to ask is what will I do when I do get a job? Seeing as I have a 1-year-old I don't intend to get one anytime soon when my husband has always made enough. And even when he didn't, I'm the one that buys the groceries and there has always been a way to make it work. It's always been a priority for us. I need to say that this is my job and it's important. I need to stop down playing it and saying that "I just would never make enough money to put the kids in daycare so there's no point in me working." It's demeaning and undermines the truth which is I am purposefully staying home with my kids and raising them because that's what I feel is the right thing to do. Of course I have interests I might work in later, but how am I supposed to know what I'll be doing 15 years from now. Thank you so much for giving me some confidence with this video and your last one about it. I feel like I'm doing the right thing and I need to be proud of it. I don't know if we'll see society shift on this subject anytime soon but this is a start. At least for me, when I'm questioned about why I stay home, I will try to answer differently.
I can relate. I used to give similar answers too. I used to say I wouldn’t make enough money for it to make sense to work right now.
I became much more confident in my choice after I educated myself on this topic. I read “Being There” by Erica Komisar and “Hold On to Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld.
Nowadays when someone asks if I’m not planning on going back to work soon my answers are very different. I say I’m very happy to be home bonding with my child during these very important early years. I talk about how passionate I am about homeschooling and that I wouldn’t want to do anything else right now. 😊
My official new answer to any "you didn't want to go back to work?" questions: "there is absolutely nothing more important I could be doing."
Formula was also never suppose to be normal. It was also a last effort to support a baby's needs. It is not only time and effort you need to sacrifice to raise a baby, it is also your body.
Sorry to disagree, but formula has saved many kids lives, not to mention the mothers as well. Not every mom can breastfeed for whatever reason, and not one person can tell who was or was not breastfed when kids enter school either.
I formula fed both my boys, it enabled my husband to help with the night feedings which in turn allowed me to get some rest as well. No woman needs to sacrifice her entire body, there are limits physically, emotionally and mentally.
It's 2023, fed is best. Breastfeeding does not make you any better of a mom then anyone else.
I don’t think it was meant that formula makes you a terrible mother, just that it’s meant for those last ditch efforts. Obviously you try to pump it breastfeed, but if you physically can’t, then that’s what formula is for.
@terrylynn9984 You can cope all you want, but breastfeeding is best; "fed" is adequate.
There is no replacement for the innate properties of breastmilk, only substitutions.
The percentage of women who functionally "cannot" breastfeed is actually extremely slim, but the propaganda exists to ensure that "can't" is conflated with "won't" so that quitting feels easy to do.
Thankfully, young mothers are returning to nature and reviving the practice in earnest and not quitting; lactation consultants are providing a major service.
No one is saying that she is a a better mother than you; but did she provide better nutrition in the first formative months? Actually yes, yes she did.
@@elsie6828 I actually found a recent study about the polyunsaturated fat composition (linoleum acid inflammatory omega 6s) of breast milk in mothers with a crap diet, was similar to formula and that the kids who were fed breast milk of mothers who themselves ate high omega 6 fats vs low omega 3s had the same cognitive function as formula. Forget where I saw it, might have been from dr Paul saladino or try googling it. Point is, breast milk quality is not all the same. Mothers who eat crap chicken and pork and little grass fed beef and wild fish have the similar quality milk as formula. Just look at the formula ingredients, vegetable oils/seed oils are the first one. It’s VERY important to eat high quality ruminant animal fats while breastfeeding and not chicken and kale salads. Don’t even get me started on vegetarian or worse vegan mothers milk. Like feeding babies water with a splash of skim milk in it 🤮
@r.dennison5042 Regardless of Omega-6 imbalances - which of course, if a child is living in a household where the mother is obese and diseased and where seed oils and fried sugar are consumed regularly, they're screwed anyway - there are a myriad of health benefits that are irreplicable.
Did you know, for example, that when a baby is ill, their saliva can communicate that a mother produce more leukocytes to fight infection? This is incredible. It's a symbiotic relationship in which the mother is a natural pharmacy.
I am a pediatric speech therapist and the number of toddlers in daycares with speech delays is unreal. I am so grateful my husband and I agreed that I was the best person to care for our children when they were babies. Now my babies are in school and I am beginning to work very part time. I couldn’t imagine not raising my own kids. We have not ruled out homeschool as well. Kids are not meant for institutions. Toddlers are not dogs- they don’t need to be socialized. They need their mom to care for them. That may be politically incorrect. But it’s true.
This this!! If you are not there for your child, you will deal with the fallout.
Lifelong fallout, heartbreaking, family destroying.
One of my earliest childhood memories is being at a daycare center, and being forced to eat the nastiest chicken known to man. I can vividly remember the taste and crying hysterically at being forced to eat soft, basically boiled chicken skin if I wanted a snack. I was forced to sit there while all the other kids got to leave and play.
Now that I have a baby, I think that's pretty sad that this is one of my earliest memories.
Me too. My two earliest memories are from being at a home daycare at 18 months old. I remember feeling panic when mom left and the daycare worker was forcing me to sit in her lap and wouldn’t let go. The other memory is from having to eat with the others and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt so sad and lost.
I want my own children’s first memories to be happy ones. I’ll do whatever it takes to be able to stay home with them. I’m pregnant with my second and this time I’m even more willing to make whatever sacrifices I need to make to stay home with my baby.
@@thefuturista7836 I just had my first child, and they will never be in a daycare.
I can also remember a friend my mine at that daycare, who happened to be the owners granddaughter, passing away from a drunk driving accident. I remember hkw panicked and confused I felt when I kept asking where she was and they wouldn't tell me. I don't remember her name or face, but I remember how I felt when she didn't come to daycare anymore.
@@thefuturista78367:42
So sorry that happened to you 😢
During my days as a SAHM I was chatting with an older woman who gave home based child care . She told me the story about a new mom who called to ask if she would take an infant a TEN DAY OLD newborn because she had a seat on the New York Stock Exchange, and had to get back to work!! . SMH.
Wow😢
That hurts my heart 😭
That poor woman! That is brutal. No time to recover postpartum.
My nephew was 3 months old when he passed away in a tragic daycare accident. 😢 They left him in a swing without checking, and his neck wasn’t able to hold his airway open. That’s a worst case scenario, but I always think of that when people talk about daycare. It’s 20 years this October I think, but I don’t think it’s much easier for my brother & family.
I’m sorry that this happened to you 😢
Aw that is devastating.. so sorry for you and your family's loss.
Swings aren’t alllowd in many settings these days. I’m sorry for your loss
That's beyond awful. I am so sorry.
Terrible loss. These accidents happen in homes, too however.
Im not married but im taking mental notes that when I start talking to suitors to make sure to talk about me wanting to work part time after kids. I really know if im blessed with kids I really want to be there for them
I will pass this information on to my daughters. I wish I had known this when my girls were little. I’m a teacher so I am grateful I had summers to spend with them. I hope this message travels far and wide to mothers in every corner in the world!
That episode on daycare was the first content of yours that I had ever watched, and I cannot overstate the importance of this information. I studied child development while earning my degree in elementary education, and I can’t believe I never made the connection between daycare and all of the behavioral issues we are seeing in schools today, but I do believe that they are linked. This NEEDS to be viewed by every parent or potential parent out there. Staying home with your child during the early years is the most important thing you can do for them during that time!
Yes absolutely. It’s a lot harder being a teacher these days because the kids have so many issues that they developed in daycare and because of the breakdown in attachment to the parents.
The book “Hold On to Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld explains how the different behavioural issues develop when kids are separated from parents too early. It’s very sad what we are doing as a society to the next generation. It’s hard to fix the problem as a teacher when the damage has already been done during the important years before school starts.
Also majored in childhood dev psych and have 2 degrees in it!! Never heard this info before and im 36!! Mother of 3!!
Many years ago my grandfather had the opportunity to invest in KinderCare (a daycare chain started in my hometown of Montgomery,AL) he declined the offer bc he believed daycare would never take off. Many years later he said he was wrong about daycare! Also I’m a retired teacher (mostly K & 1st) and it was heartbreaking how many students were dropped off at 7 am (before care) & not picked up til 6pm (aftercare/when it closed). So basically they spent time with their families eating, bathing, and doing homework (if any). Very sad.
I worked at KinderCare in Memphis TN 20 years ago, for a short period of time. I didn't like it. Not the kids, the kids were kids, I had nothing against them, it was everything else about that place and management.
@@martaszyszka7654 I did too! 6 short weeks in Montgomery, AL - I did not like it at all. Over crowded!
@@hope2008 you were still better than me. I lasted 4 weeks. Working from 8 to 6 was nothing strange at that place. And they would give me 2 hour break in the middle of the day 🙄 and the kids didn't have any nice toys to play with.
This is the reality of many families. This was my childhood, luckily I went to an at home daycare center with someone who treated me like family. I've been over backwards to keep my kids out of daycare.
I worked at kindercare and my child attended. I would never recommend them. I don't trust any daycare. I know what goes on in them.
Former early childhood educator, ALL of this is completely spot on, i saw the ratifications of child care and i decided to stay home with my boys. Zero regrets.
I’m have been a SAHM for 4 years and one bun in the oven. Eldest started preschool part time half days at 3.5 years old and second child is home with me. I’ve always felt guilty that my children did not receive “early childhood education” to make them “smarter” -until I came across your podcast. That guilt has completely evaporated and I actually have been told my other parents that my children are very much advanced for their age.
Right?! It's mind-blowing, I have felt like I didn't give my kids as much as other parents because I never sent them to a daycare or preschool. How silly that is?!
Thank you for supporting women in a culture that advocates the opposite of what is best for families
I spent over a decade evaluating child care centers, training the staff, observing the classrooms, working with directors, and even overseeing the industry at the federal level and I find absolutely no flaw in anything shared on this topic in this podcast. In fact, what was shared is far more light and easy to digest than the reality that I have observed in the VAST majority of these care settings. I’ve long said that if parents knew what happened in most centers, they would have a different view.
Tell us what you witnessed, thanks
I want to share this to everyone I know. I’m a single early 30 something woman, not by choice. I’m so thankful for this information to be as prepared as I can be when I’m in that season. God bless you.
I worked in daycares. After the things I saw, I never trusted another daycare again. The directors are so phony. They defend their workers when parents are suspicious about how their kids are being treated. I have seen children be denied water and witnessed the director and other workers forcing the kids to take naps and pulling the covers over their heads. When the parents came to pick up their child, the workers would make sure the kids drank water before leaving so they wouldn't be thirsty when they left with their family. The director would act like she just loves the kids. The people working in these daycares are so phony. When I quit, I told the director how unfit she was and what a liar she was a well. I have a one year old, and I will never trust anyone to take care of him. If you have to send your child to a daycare, make sure that daycare has live feed cameras. If they don't and you have to send your child, I strongly recommend that you make sure you put a hidden recorder in their bags or a stuffed animal you send with them. Make sure you are protecting your child because daycares have alot of evil people working in them.
Another thing I noticed is that our American society has become so strict/paranoid with rules and “safety” that the daycares will call the parents to come into the daycare if the kid has a runny nose or weird day (he ate something unexpected, etc). Ive seen the parents run in during their lunch hour and then rush out. Daycare workers are too drained and they are NOT your family, they aren’t your friends, your kid is stuck in a room with caregivers who cannot love them and have to be professional and try to get through the day with a group of 5-10 kids.
I worked in daycares. Ages 2 and up it's 10 kids per teacher. After the things I've seen go on, I quit and took my child out of daycare as well. They smile in the parent's face and treat their kids like crap when the parents leave. Daycares also hire trashy people who are unfit to care for children. I worked in 2 daycares. I'll never send my baby to another daycare. The directors are liars too. They will defend their workers when they are in the wrong. They will deny any abuse that they can get away with. All daycares should have live feed cameras so the parents can see what's going on. The kids are treated horribly. Don't trust the directors. They are there to protect the facility. If you have any suspicions at all you better contact DESE because the only one that's going to protect your kids are you.
I quit my job and my husband and I took a pay cut as a result. I am having issues with conceiving and I think a lot of that has to do with the stress of my career. This is the beginning of changing our lives so I can be a stay at home mom and he can afford it! Thank God I have a husband who sees the value in this ❤
I am so glad you brought up low-income daycare users! I have seen the state requiring them to use x-amount of hours per week/month at the facility to qualify for the subsidies..so even on a parent's day off, they must take the child to keep their funding and spot at the facility! Some parents have even found it preferable so they can "get things done" while the child's away. I even see low income single mothers, who don't work, drop their kids off and go back home to relax🤦🏾♀️ Head Start used to be big, but never quite sat right with me. What education can a facility really give your Pre-K aged child, that you can't do yourself??🤷🏾♀️❤🙏🏾
Some women do not want to raise their children. I have heard many times how being at home with their kids drives them crazy etc. I truly believe if some women had to actually stay home and raise their children, they probably wouldn’t have any. And certainly not multiple children. Their ambitions are more important.
Exactly, some women enjoy the idea of the baby existing, not all of the care and energy involved to raise a future adult human! "All children deserve parents, not all parents deserve children." Thus, the cycle continues....
@@moonafarms1621 this right here. They like the idea of having a child but not all the work it actually entails to raise a person.
Better that we have intelligent, quality, loving women have 12 children than narcissistic bimbos having 1.
Thank you for bringing a hidden truth to a platform where more people can find it. It has also been a great reminder for me personally staying home the past 15yrs, especially seeing the grocery bill inflation and considering if I need to get an outside job!
I was a daycare kid(although it was home daycare and the provider only had two other kids and it was a very intimate setting) and I worked in a day care for two years in my early 20s and decided I’m not putting my kids in daycare. I understand some women have to, but it’s wildly over depended on and the daycares themselves are not set up to handle the load that is required on them. I’ve seen it first hand. They can’t pay their workers well enough and don’t make enough money and that’s why many shut down. I’ve been in classrooms with 20 3-4 year olds, even with tons of teachers your kid is not getting personalized care by any means trust me. It’s a failing system.
I've worked in a few daycares, and it's not something I ever want to put my future children through ever. The child to caregiver ratios are completely unmanageable, it's a stressful environment for children and caregivers, and seeing children spend 8-10 hours away from their parents is heartbreaking. It absolutely causes behavior issues as well as connection issues.
So, imagine. In Poland, in a public kindergarten/preschool (children age 2-6) the ratio is like 1:20. Yes. One teacher and 20, or even more, kids. Sounds unbelievable comparing to the US. My mom was a teacher for 40 years, and I've seen her, or her colleagues manage just fine. And they always found ways to have fun with them, do crafts, teach them how to read, and give hugs if any of the children needed it. Of course, they were tired, but they are the example that it can be done😂
@@martaszyszka7654 I'm curious, how many hours were the children there? I think that makes a big difference. Most kids who are in daycares in the US spend 8-10 hours there a day.
My sister in law put her 2 year old in day care because “she’s a better mother when she has more time for herself” and “he doesn’t need her”
That's basically the rallying cry of the "me time"/"mental health day" women...no sense of sacrifice.
Really doesn't help that basically half of women are obese, nearly everyone is pre-diabetic with hormonal diaregulation, and is just generally in terrible health with poor energy.
How must that make the child feel, knowing "mom needs to be away from me to be happy"?!
Thank you for your podcasts! I am a mother of two under two. I had to pull my babies out of daycare because it got too expensive and I got worried about their well-being in daycare. Unfortunately I do not make enough money to be a stay at home mom. My husband supports me a lot too, but we are currently working on paying down a lot of debt so we can move out of our 1 bedroom apartment into something bigger and fits a family of 4. I go to school two days out of the week and my parents help me watch the babies as I’m pursuing higher education. I pay my parents too and they help me out alot too. Just find it hard for mothers to be pulled between work and raising their family. I underestimated how much goes into raising a family before I started having kids. I am pursuing a career to be an accountant from home and find ways to help families save and make the best practical financial decisions. I didn’t have financial literacy growing up and still sucked at it into my adult years. Now that I’m in my 30s I see the need for it and it’s interesting.
When my husband and I decided that I’d stay home with the kids. We were seriously broke! We lived simply. Shared a car, cooked from scratch, didn’t go on vacations, shopped at thrift stores and garage sales. But really small kids don’t need lots of fancy things. We went to the park, library, went to free family events. We spent a lot of time reading and playing together. These are my most treasured memories! My kids are all teens now and we’re making a good living. Once I was talking about how poor we used to be my kids said they had no idea we had financial struggles back then. All they remember is a happy childhood! If I could do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing! Make money later! Do fancy things later! Because little children don’t stay little. And nothing is as fulfilling as those years!
Thanks for your insight. I have long believed that daycare should be an absolute last resort. My mother-in- law once urged me to put my child in daycare so she could “get in there and learn to fight.” Holy cow, that’s the last thing I wanted. I wanted to raise a sweet, civilized child. She already knew how to fight, all too well. Thank goodness she grew up to be a kind and wonderful lady.
So glad for your podcasts. I listened to your last one about daycare. I stayed at home with my children mostly especially after working at Hardee's for a very short while after realizing that I was just paying the babysitter. I started nursing school after the kids started school and have been working since and so glad I was able to stay home with them for a little while. Now I'm a grandmother and my grandchildren are in daycare. I'm very seriously considering staying home with them if my DIL can't. I have found a way but bringing it up to my husband and Son and DIL is still in the works.
My MIL watched my niece for my brother and sister in law for half a year and my SIL recently made the choice to stay home which we are all supportive of! My MIL has 1 daughter and 2 daughter in laws (myself included) and we all stay home with our kids! I bet your son and DIL would be very appreciative if you made such a big sacrificed for them (or at least I’d hope they would be!).
My daughter has put my 17 month old grandson in daycare 3 days a week, 8 hours/day. My husband (her stepdad) asked my SIL if we could pay them to have my daughter stay home from working, and raise her son. She is also expecting my granddaughter in 4 months. I am devastated that my own daughter will not even discuss staying home, or reducing the workdays to keep our little boy out of daycare. They make a good living, but we would cover the shortfall by her staying home. No sacrifice required! I see that the hard truth is that she cannot deal with caring for her own children. Even when it is obviously far better for them. I bought a 2nd house to be nearby half time, and would pitch in gladly when able to be there. Yet I get nothing but a kick in the teeth, and sadly, so do my poor grand babies. I cannot stop crying thinking about complete strangers in charge of my sweet boy so many hours. He cries every time he is dropped off. Is this even believable? I was a single mother, and had my daughter in a very intimate home daycare that was stable with the same kids through kindergarten. Had no choice. She does, but refuses to save her children. How is this possible?
I think you are a wonderful person to offer this gift of love. Will pray for your family and especially that you can keep your sweet grandchildren out of daycare.
Sorry, this was meant for danaarmour, but applies to every grandparent willing to sacrifice to save the kids
@@kirashrugged170 I am so sorry. It sounds like you are truly doing everything you can. Those grand babies are so lucky to have you! I hope your daughter eventually changes her mind because she can never get this time with her children back. Would you daughter trust you to provide childcare for them in any capacity (assuming you are able)?
A great resource is old people, especially old women, who experienced life when stay at home Moms were the norm, and everyone lived a live without the modern "conveniences". or inconveniences, depending on your point of view. They can tell you the lived reality of what was good or bad, what worked or did not work, and the emotional life of living in that way. Ask an old woman her happiest memories of her life, and you will almost always hear the same answer, "raising my little children". PS Living without a phone in your hand is not a step down.
The number of times i hear my peers say variations on "why would you want to degrade yourself by serving someone else like that?" (Once exactly those words) when talking about SAHMs is just evidence of the strangle hold this evil ideology has on my generation. If you have half a brain, it's a mortal sin to give up your sorry career to be the one to raise your precious children. I understand the cultural sickness, but I'll never understand individual women who believe it.
Ego. But it causes their downfall e.g Dylan mulvaney
You could respond by asking them the same question. "Why would you degrade yourself by serving a stranger for money, to the neglect of your flesh and blood?"
I was a hospital administrator before I got pregnant in 2018. I knew - I just knew - as soon as I held my daughter that it would be a huge struggle for me to leave her with a stranger and go back to work. When my maternity leave ran out, I resigned and have been home ever since (3 kids now!). I have no regrets!
Thank you so much for what you do ❤ Not a lot of us would be brave enough to put this truth out here.
I was a daycare kid and then had very absent parents growing up. I really struggle with relationships and trusting people to be there for me and I'm realizing this now because of your show. I knew as soon as I got pregnant that I wanted to try my best to stay home and I thank God for the blessing 💖
Great podcast Suzanne. I really appreciate you elaborating on this topic and I would be interested to know more.
I had a successful business that I ended up closing once my daughter was born. I thought it was a no-brainer to put her into childcare and to continue working, but thankfully I listened to the gut wrenching visceral reaction I had when visiting a prospective childcare centre. Something felt off and I couldn’t bare the thought of leaving my daughter in the care of others. There are of course more details to my story, but I’m very glad to say that my husband and I have figured out how to live on one income and we have now introduced our second child into the world, our son.
I am choosing to stay at home for at least the preschool years, and depending on how things go, I might even homeschool them.
I am really enjoying your content on this topic as well as the information on men. Please keep it up! I would love to learn more about raising children, loving a man and navigating the juggle of entrepreneurial ideas that sometimes pulls my focus away from motherhood. I always come right back, but I do have a desire to something on a very casual basis. I just don’t know what that is yet.
Thank you!
Just to point out another facet of this problem: Growing up in Michigan, my mom ran a small daycare in her home while homeschooling her own children, but she has told me that she could never get a daycare licence nowadays because she would have to change the layout of her whole house because of all the regulations. You listed home daycares with a few kids as one of the better options, but one of the reasons those are harder to find is because an in-home daycare licence is difficult to get and regulations keep changing!
That’s not why! It’s because it’s very time consuming and many mothers are overly paranoid and cause hell for childcare providers so sometimes inviting that type of energy into your home is not good lol
Thanks for speaking the truth about something that no one talks about nowadays... And when it is discussed, it's not looking at it from the well being of children and families
I'm a single mom. The one thing I wanted when having my daughter was to be home with her. To make it work I received state support, used credit cards, and ran a business part-time, worked from home + had Grammy care for my child while I worked 2-3 days a week for a couple of hours. It's possible to do if there's a will. I've now been home with my daughter for 6 years!
My question is, should we also be looking at the amount of time children 5-12 are spending with other adults as well? Schools get more time with your children than the parents I think it's worth looking into.
Thank you for this content! I am a counselor and I specialize in traumatic stress. However, years before I was a counselor I was a daycare teacher for 5 years. I worked at a few daycare centers through college and a little after college, and even the best ones I worked in I wouldn’t send my kids to.
The ratios are horrible. Who decided a 4:1 ration in the infant room!? I remember having one baby in each arm and two in those spring-y bouncers. I would bounce each with one foot. The teachers are underpaid and stressed, and children don’t get enough attention. It’s a shame because many of the teachers love what they do and deeply care but it’s not enough. They make mistakes due to their bodies’ physiological responses to stress. When I was an assistant teacher and learned that our lead teacher - a teacher of 20 years accidentally fed a baby the wrong breast milk because there were 6 screaming babies and only 2 teachers, I knew that daycares are not the best choice.
I myself mis-buckled a baby in a stroller because I was in a room with 15 screaming babies and one of the teachers just kept passing babies to me to buckle in. I felt like I was in a factory. When a baby slid out of the stroller my heart dropped, but thank God his mom took him to the doctor and he’s okay but I will NEVER forget that for my entire life. I cried the entire day. I still pray for that kid today. Now that I’m older and have 2 kids under 3, I always triple check the seatbelts because of that incident.
Mistakes happen and they move on like nothing happened, changing policies and the way things are done instead of just realizing that the real issue is that we shouldn’t be raising children this way. Teachers are human beings whose bodies respond to stress the same way everyone else’s does. Blood pressure rises, it becomes harder to focus even on simple tasks, and mistakes are made, in some cases the mistakes can harm helpless human beings.
I don’t send my kids to daycare based on my own experiences. But I am planning to send my 2.5 year old to 2k or 3k only for 3 hours in the morning just to get socialization and so that I can have more uninterrupted time with my 4 month old. I own a private therapy practice so that I can have autonomy over my life and work part-time, primarily virtually - and even that is hard since I’m breastfeeding.
This was the encouragement I needed that I made the right choice. Keep informing people of the dangers of daycare. Thank you!
I would really encourage you to keep your toddler at home too. Your baby will love to have their older sibling around to watch & learn from. And the older child needs to learn how to help & be a big sibling. They will both benefit greatly from being together with their mother. No need to send one away! That’s like if your husband came home with a second wife and then sent you away for a few hours a day!!!
@@haley2542 I understand what you mean, but my daughter runs away screaming from other children when we are out and about. She needs more socialization and there's only so much I can do for that when I have a new baby and I'm breastfeeding. We go to the park, the library, play dates, Sunday school, etc. daily. I also go to tumbling and swim with her. If there are 24 hours in a day and she spends 10 of them asleep, that leaves 14 waking hours. I think she can spend 3 hours socializing with other kids and 11 with us, that's not a bad thing. The daycare that we're sending her to is run by our church so we go to church with the people taking care of the children and we know the children from church and Sunday school too. My son has a medical issue that needs attention and daily exercises. I can also tell that I hold him less than I did with my daughter. I'm giving her what she needs (socialization skills) and my son what he needs (individualized attention) at the same time. Definitely doesn't compare to my husband coming home with a second wife and sending me away for a few hours. Unless it is to give me a break so that I can take a spa day! LOL 😂
@@mommysocialscientist I just don’t get your logic. Your proposed daycare solution seems like a traumatic way to try to force your idea of socialization, on your timeline, onto a toddler who is clearly showing you that it makes her scared and anxious.
It sounds like she doesn’t have the confidence in herself yet to be out in the world without you - which is pretty normal for a 2.5 year old girl! Girls that age mostly want to be with their Mom, engaging socially with her and learning what she is doing.
I’m not saying we never push our kids to do things out of their comfort zone… but a 2.5 year old is very young, and if she is forced to navigate the world without you her Mother she will do it out of stress & fear, not competence & confidence.
Suzanne Yenker has mentioned a couple times that actual socialization doesn’t happen til closer to 4 years old…so maybe that will help you not worry about that aspect at this time. Maybe revisit it in a half year or so.
I would also say as a former elementary teacher in public school…the same concerns apply…too many kids to one teacher whose stress response is human at best 😊
I can understand how the seatbelt incident impacted you as working with so many kids can easily lead to an honest mistake
I have a small in-home daycare. This has been the hardest group is kids yet. I accept 12 months and up, but mostly around the age of 2-3. I’d say 99% of my kids have never been to daycare before. Now I have a 13 month old and a 20 month old, I’ve realized how HARD it is on the under 2 camp. I learned about daycare sleep (one of your videos) parents that work, just don’t prioritize a schedule for the young kids and it’s been a honest nightmare this week. The over 2 yrs old adjust a lot better, but I still think it’s unfair to have a infant in daycare. I do understand that a lot of moms chose to work, but dang. I am completely honest and tell families all the bad and good. My business isn’t about making $$$ it’s about the comfort of the child, myself and other kids in my care. It’s a brutal business and I myself will not be putting my baby in daycare after seeing the pain of the under two yrs old kids. They need their moms not grandma, babysitter and whoever else. Heart breaking, but thank you for everything
Breaks my heart for all these families. Such a lie that has been pushed on to them. I love being with my child and can't wait to do it again. No regrets ever
So interesting. I worked at a daycare for 12 years. It was a very stressful environment. SO many varieties of behavioral and emotional issues that were dealt with, feeding them, putting them to nap, all of play time. Not to mention all the diaper changing and vomit clean up and illness :/ I was also quite young. Some of the kids were there from 7 am to 6 pm. It always broke my heart. But I loved them like my own the best I could. Granted some parents had no choice. The interesting thing is I’m now 37 years old, and most kids that were in day care then are now 20 years old or so dealing with this current society and the identity crisis of so many young people. I’m not a mom yet but would like to be one day so I can’t say much on a parenting. I’m sure everyone did the best they could. I can just speak on being a day care worker.
My sis in law can’t seem to accept that her child is in day care. They call it “school” because it’s called a learning center. A baby doesn’t need school they need love.
This was very powerful. Again, thank you for your service. I was a newlywed in the 70's. I worked until I became pregnant. My employment skills were such that I would pay most of my wages to daycare. Plus, I would have shifts that wouldn't line up with hubby's. And I could never imagine handing my child over to a stranger. My mom was SAH until I was a teen. One little brother had to have day care but it was an aunt.
And thank you for the point about how it affects the children. It seems you can't say it out loud, but one can look back and see how things have gone so wrong since mothers deserted the home willingly.
So glad you’re back Suzanne! Thanks for the video! ❤
So, so happy to have found you Suzanne! Thank you for validating a lot of my decisions, which have been countercultural. Thank you for your view on men and women. It has helped me in my marriage already tremendously! I had my first born 7 years ago. I tried to go back to work when he was 3 months old and I was just in tears every day. Although it wasn't daycare, we had a family member watching him. (I knew from the beginning to hire the nanny or have a family member take care of him because I had worked in a few daycares, and as a nanny). I just couldn't be away from him and had to quit. I really believe that some of my depression came from the idea that I needed to be doing something else while taking care of an infant! How terrible, how unnatural. Now after having two more children and being much more aware, I have rejected the idea that I need to be doing anything else but taking care of these kids right now! It's only for a season that they are so little. We make it work by being frugal. Honestly, it's women's intuition to stay with their babies.❤
My daughter is 2.5 and enrolled in a montessori school. Even though its the best a school in the area, i see how inefficient it is. It takes them 10x as long to things like read a book, eat, etc. than it does at home. There are only 5 kids in her class. A whole day of daycare they accomplish what i do by lunch
I wonder if it’s related how hard we’re pressured to believe that it’s normal and even beneficial for young children to constantly be sick. My almost four year old has never been in daycare or preschool, and he’s has had 2 colds (one I suspect RSV) and 1 COVID (picked up on vacation). My friends who have kids in centers all day get sick monthly or years on end. I’m told their kids are developing stronger immune systems…?
And when you Google that, the “experts” say that is so. Yet data shows it’s the variety of bacteria you expose to, not just the sick bugs, that build immunity. So havin animals, playing outside, etc. 😢Is that just to make mothers accept that it’s “normal” and “healthy” to constantly be sick so they actually consider it a pro instead of a con to the daycare/preschool conveyor belt?
Those daycare kids don’t get breastfed either! Even if their moms are pumping breastmilk, it’s not the same if baby isn’t suckling at the nipple because it’s the baby’s saliva at the mom’s areola that tells the mother’s body to create antibodies.
@@haley2542most women who pump breastmilk also directly nurse when they are present, the pumped milk in bottles is just for when they’re apart
@@LexiLadonna True. I think it unfortunately contributes to very early weaning though. Talking about in the US, most women are stopping breastfeeding way earlier than they originally planned. CDC says only 1 in 4 infants are exclusively breastfed as recommended by the time they are 6 months old.
Very grateful stay-at-home-mother hearing this. I was just talking to my husband the other day about how depressing it would be to drop our beautiful baby off at some daycare each day...imagine only seeing him in the evening. It's absolutely disgusting and wrong. The thought of it literally grates against my heart.
In year 8 of my marriage, my (stay at home mother) ex-wife started working part time. In year 9, I remember her saying, "i am woman, hear me roar". In year 10, she filed, and kicked the breadwinner out. Then she lived off child support for a while, then some part time paid under the table. This kept child support maximized for 15 years. When CS was over, the kids said she was working 3 jobs. Since she had a government job, I saw her income go up 5 x the year after child support ended. Oh, and in that 15 years, she used her parents for child care almost always. The judge didnt care about her deception, alienation, or denying my first right of refusal to care for the kids. She won every battle with that court on her side.
Suzanne,
Thank you for putting this information out there!
Proud SAHM here! I am so blessed to be able to stay home with my little boy and LOVE every minute of it! ❤
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is *Victoria Lee hess*, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I'm really sorry you are suffering right now. It's only been a month and of course it's still raw.
I received a lot of help from my parish priest. If you can go to your local parish priest, he might be able to help. Priests have seen and heard a lot. They normally understand people and relationships well.
My daughter is an infant daycare worker. This is a fancy center that takes no state aid. The parents roll up in high end cars and if you can believe this….a few of the babies have mothers who do not work but the baby is there 40+ hours a week anyway. It’s sad. We lived, 5 of us, in an 1100 sq ft house. I worked at home in a time that nobody did that. I worked freelance around my kids, during naps or after bed. I could not leave them like that and my husband was also committed to keeping them home. You cook from scratch, we had one car at times (and it was the 90s), and all the rest.
Just discovered you, and cannot agree more. You are on target and very insightful! I will be sharing. Thank you!
I’m glad I found your podcast. I never thought daycare was a good idea so i’m glad i intuitively knew that.
The ONLY daycare I will ever use is my gym’s. I can drop my son off for one hour *maximum* to prioritize my health and he actually loves the gym attendant. But this is three hours per week. Not day. Week. I would never use standard daycare.
I just came across a video on YT of a woman who is "Single Mother By Choice" by IVF with donor... and she is putting her baby into daycare after taking a three month leave from work...!!! Interesting times we live in.
Wow 😧
Can you post a link to that video please? Would like to watch that. ⚘️
I feel for her on the IVF front. It took me a long time to get pregnant and that is a devastating process month after month. But I’m not single. She’s obviously desperate for a child (and husband) that she’s lost her mind and not thinking clearly. It’s sad.
Just bought your book. You are so right!
I love this channel! This message is refreshing and I hope it reaches millions.
The idea that if fewer families-only single parents and the “working poor”-used daycare, then the quality of daycare would be better…
is ABSURD! Since when is any institution or program that’s considered “just for the poors” BETTER than the things that “middle class” people also use?
For instance, “low income housing projects” have turned out to be horrible, while mixed housing is better. (Although in some countries the dedicated “social housing” is okay. I wonder what we might learn from those countries? Coincidentally, many of those same countries also provide long paid parental leaves, and decent childcare for older preschoolers. Hmm.)
There really are better ways to do things!
Also-in the comments I see MANY people who say “I worked in childcare and I really cared about the kids and was conscientious about acting in their best interests; BUT….[whatever]”. This just goes to show that many, many terrific, caring, conscientious people work in childcare-and maybe childcare centers should make a greater effort to hire people like that. Also, more people should start daycare centers with lower child/adult ratios, part time and occasional attendance options, lower prices or sliding scales, and other innovations.
Even if some parents prefer not to use daycare, we shouldn’t accept as a fact of life that daycare is inevitably “terrible”-or ever stop trying to make it as good as possible for the kids who WILL experience it!
So thankful to have found you! ❤ I was thankful and grateful my husband and I wanted the same for our children that i would stay home and raise them. We have 3 beautiful, grown daughters, that I would give anything for. I relish each day I was caring for them. We have a wonderful relationship now and always have. Of course we went through the teenage years so I don't want you to think it's all rainbows and unicorns. I am praised by them for their childhood. I now work as a director of an after school program for K-5 grade. We close at 6:00 pm, these children start school as early as 7:30. Some are with us until 6:00 pm. 😢 most of my families are double income, some single moms. The children are great sports but they really just want to go home, and be home. The behaviors in the last 3 years have gotten much worse. We've had a hard time hiring staff in the last 3 year's. Once hired it's very likely they will quit/leave or only stay for the school year. Thank you for educating and supporting families. You're a blessing.
Thanks for your work. Much needed in these times.
I really appreciate your dedication to this!
aaaaaaaaaaaand shes back folks, to deliver the one two punch on why this is seriously not a good idea.
I read an article recently about state run preschool and the outcomes for the children were actually WORSE when they went to those schools. They followed the kids into their teen years. Having children at home with mom worked for centuries.
It's so heartbreaking! I am thankful that I was raised by a mom who stayed home with us so it was already my default approach. And also that we are financially able for me to stay home.
I have always felt this way but I went and got my education, higher education too. . .i was on my way to becoming a career woman but i didn't want to take too many risks before i raised my family. . . Now I get so much shame to want to stay with my baby. I was in day care at 6 months old and all i remember is wanting more time with my parents, when they did get time with me, they were always annoyed, i felt like a burden, unwanted. . . Always "go be quiet and leave us alone" when they were home. . .i don't want to outsource childcare. . . But the shame i have been under for this choice is insane.
Thank you, Suzanne
My husband and I have always made things work on one income. When I briefly had an out of home work situation, my son stayed with grandparents and even that was miserable because I missed him and he missed me all day, and he was 3! I can’t imagine leaving him as an infant! Maybe we don’t have everything our heart desires but we’ve never been hungry, never been homeless. Had to work hard for everything, because we have a fixer upper to make it work, and now we are having baby number 4, still no daycare, and I homeschool my older kids. Is it hard? Some days. Does it require sacrifice? Yep, having relationships always does. Is it worth it? Of course! I don’t even have plans for a career, my husband has made it very clear from day 1 that even when our kids move out, he will provide financially for me, and I am more than happy to provide domestically for him. As a wife, I don’t feel like my value is or ever will be less than a man simply because I’m not bringing in some numbers on a screen, cause let’s be honest, money is a sham these days anyway!
What we gained from taking care of our own children far exceeded anything we gave up. Thank you.
God bless you, Suzanne!
I wish I had the choice to stay home, but I’ve got 6 months of maternity leave and after that my husband will be home full time with him. It’s the best we could do. It entailed changing our budget to go down to one income but it’s worth it. I grew up in day care and I’d never do that my kids
Love your work on the subject and love reading the comments from the daycare workers confirming your work
What is a regular working class American going to be able to do with this info? Unless we have some major policy changes in this country, a typical working class family needs both parents to work. Its not just a matter of tightening your belt and living frugally. Americans do not have job security and most do not make enough to build up a sufficient emergency fund that could cover living expenses and health insurance during periods where the father is laid off and looking for new employment. When our mothers had to go to work full-time during the 1990 recession, they couldn’t quit once it was over because it had become apparent their husbands were never going to have real job security again and we needed both parents working to ensure the family didn’t face financial ruin and loss of a roof over their head when the dad inevitably gets laid off.
Oh yes some friends of us were telling my husband and I how their 1 year old daughter goes to Kindergarden. Please.
Welcome back Suzanne!!!