#95: Thirteen Reasons Modern Marriage Fails
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- čas přidán 2. 07. 2024
- Today on the show we're going to talk about thirteen reasons modern marriage fails. Here they are:
3:00 Too many young couples don't understand the meaning of marriage
6:00 Adopting a Judeo-Christian model for marriage can solve marital issues
6:30 Men have become feminized, and women have become masculinized
7:00 Couples are holding back the tide of nature, trying to make something fit that doesn't fit
8:55 Women in modern marriages have ridiculously high expectations
9:50 Men have simpler needs
11:50 High expectations lead to disappointment
12:45 Stop expecting your spouse to react the same way
15:00 Modern married couples rely on love alone
17:40 So many women end up marrying the wrong man because they find themselves up against the clock
19:55 Our anti-male culture undermines respect for men
21:05 Not understanding the value of sacrifice or delayed gratification
23:05 Lack of maturity
24:30 Hook-up culture causes a trail of pain and heartache in women, ruins their ability to bond
26:12 So many young people are products of divorce
28:10 Materialism: money & fame over love
29:05 Decline in religion
30:35 Social media has unquestionably weakened marriages
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Since the 70s and the rise of single parent families, fewer children ever see what a healthy marriage looks like, they don't get role models for healthy marriage, and when adulthood comes, they marry and it fails and wonder why -- also compromise is a key, my late father said "marriage is great, but it's lots of compromises" my parents were married 51 yrs. and met on a blind date in 1951, married 2 yrs. later and had six kids, it was never easy, but they never quit on each other
My mother was a nurse. When I was planning to get married, she pointed out that we would not be young forever. Her question to me was, "It's all lingerie and lace now, but when she's old and invalid someday, will you be willing to clean her butt?" For her, that's where the rubber hit the road
Doing this now. And if she could she would take care of me. Married 50 years.
That is a great comment! I always told my boys that yes it's great fun and romance in the beginning, but sooner or later the toilet needs to be cleaned, you might get a tax audit and someday you might have to be fitted for dentures! Yes they laughed, but they also listened.
Mothers never warn sons about how destructive women can be.
Lol 😄
You said that passing on values to your kids is FAR more important than being a CEO. 100% correct. A past president of the Mormon/LDS Church said that no other success can compensate for failure in the home. Both men and women need to realize this.
I have to mention to be careful with Mormonism. That is a modification of Christianity. They believe in some very bizarre teachings. Becareful witht hat group.
@@yougetagoldstar Being a devout Mormon for 45 years, I know a little bit about it. Thanks though.
Respect you for saying that. Mormonism is an absolute blasphemy of Christianity. Very unfortunate. They believe with they do though and have billions to help their congregations.
@@2davivadiva LDS don't believe in the pagan inspired Athanasian Trinity, so yes, we're different. We have $ because we don't pay our ministers and our members actually believe in tithing. We have no debt...except to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I like the humor of social media being number 13. Very clever. Im 35. When i was about 18, Myspace was the popular new wave social media platform that everybody was flocking to. My buddies and I always had the ongoing joke and always used to say...."Myspace ruined my relationship." Fastforward 17 years later and the rise in popularity of multiple social media platforms, we now have a societal problem of epic proportions.
One more item somewhat related is that marriage is an acceptance of your partner for the flawed human being that partner is. It is a powerful thing to know your spouse sees your faults and still says "I choose you and to me, you will hold a special place in my life. You will never be alone so long as I live."
Again though, today that core is rapidly fading in to a quaint relic of odd thinking those stodgy ancestors clung to in harder times.
so true and so right, love means you accept the flaws and work past that
And accepting you are a flawed human being. So you know when things are not right you both probably didn't get it right.
Expecting your partner to be perfect will lead to disappointment, just seeing them as flawed and not seeing your own flaws will lead to resentment.
Got divorced 1.5 years ago after 13yrs marriage. Wished she saw this before she decided to divorce. Problem is, I don’t think she would of taken any of what you have to say as advice. Can only hope the content you supply can help others.
just find someone better and watch the ex self destruct. I did.
What could you as a man could of done cause i know you were perfect.... and i kno this because noone is 💕. Hopefully you are in a happy relationship now
Great points. I would add the effect that blended families has had. Because so many people are getting married for the second time with kids in tow, this creates a minefield for stepparents to navigate.
Marrying a single momma is a foolish man
One of the reasons I don’t want another marriage. Blended family would be a minefield.
Never marry a single mom .
The focus for most women is "what am i not getting".
And what he hasn’t done for me, instead of what he is always doing for you.
@@voltairedecent255 100%
Impossible to satiate...just do your best!
Today's woman's real husband is her boss at work or manager rather than her real husband.
Yep. That’s why so many affairs happen at work with the boss.
and ultimately......Govt.
and government. Which is more Daddy than husband.
Way too funny! Lol.
Hahaha!! I say this all the time!! Women complain about submitting to a husband but have no problem submitting to a boss. The dumbassery is astounding!!
For me marriage is over , I did my best , Lost everything , moved to the Philippines , now living with a woman , life is good again.
Your unmarried? That's sin, sweetheart. Your living in sin.& there are consequences according to the word of God. Give your life to Christ and marry her.
Too many women treat their feelings and urges as Gospel leading to endless bad decisions, then when men try and block their more awful decisions, they're labelled as heinous, and then oppositional defiance disorder in some women causes them to abreact and so do the opposite of what men advise !!
men should not be telling women how to live their lives full stop!
exactly
"Consumer Culture"; any guesses who the overwhelming consumers are?
Lol. 👩👩⚕️👩⚖👩🎓👩🔬👩✈️👩🎨👮♀️👸👱♀️
*I guess:* *_NOT MEN_*
No need to guess, it's been well established that women make the choices for the household
I had a female boss when I worked in communications field. She expected to feel as she did. It overwhelmed her. A few times she made reference that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. It really upset me for a while. Listening to Suzanne, I've grown to slowly realize that this is not just a marriage issue but a societal issue as well. Certain career industries can also enable this problem as well. I eventually made in career change and now work in disabilities field. Thank you Suzanne.
Women's expectations are through the roof. Add in the anti-male bias that is in everything from TV ads to the divorce courts and you have an institutional recipe for disaster.
All problems start with disagreements and one or both having poor disagreement management / resolution skills. The sparks really fly when each have different communication rules and interruption rules, and when one or both are totally inflexible when it comes to the need to update these rules. Women fixate on the presenting disagreement and see the man's attempts to fix the communication as domination with regard to the presenting disagreement, whereas it's really dominance designed to break through unbelievable obtuseness regarding the need to review and agree communication rules and interruption rules !!
Too often, one side is rewarded $ for leaving
Thank you for this kind of content Suzanne!,,,Society needs more of it!
My friend was married in NY by a friend of the bride and their vow was smth like: I promise to love you until I don't want to any more...
Oh Lord.
Aint love sorta grand?
Yikes
OMG -- seriously?
That is weirdly funny. If you don't value the concept why do it? But they did it anyway.
For hin the risks are huge, why put himself at risk for the sake of a weird ceremony with no meaning?
I would love it if you did a whole podcast on social media/phone use in marriage
Listening to you relaxes me
Great show and advice!!! I just can’t believe that you don’t have more subscribers on here?!?! Anyways,..keep it coming,… such a breath of fresh air!
Thank you so much Mrs. Venker 🤗
Your Contribution has SO MUCH PRECIOUS INHERENT VALUE - R E A L VALUES 😉😊
Greetings from Germany,
Bye, bye ladies, it’s all over with, just a big mess.
Thank you lovebug for the video
Thanks, Suzanne
Particularly like the last one, I went cold Turkey and cancelled Facebook, whatsapp and the rest and have been at peace since. Now I use Skype, email and text. It’s enough. Well said.
Ditching fb, instagram, etal, is the best thing ever.
I agree. Social media is poison.
Interesting topic.
Excellent.
My friend's wife (mother of 2) tried to cheat with me, so there's that.
So many of you wreck your own homes.
Today's situation is absolutely crazy. I'm a single man and these days many of the women I meet or attempt to meet are married or in a serious relationship (engaged, living with their boyfriend), or they're lesbian. But they won't tell you this until you meet up with them or you've already invested time, effort, and emotion to building up something. So I've learned to ask directly "are you married?", "are you telling me the truth?" before agreeing to continue further or to meet up with them.
It's scary, really, because I now think, "is this going to happen to me if I get married? Is my wife going to run around on me behind my back??"
Thank you Suzanne. You're right we are screwed if we don't do anything about this. And the ones that pay the price are our children.
Amen Suzanne !
There are over 6000 languages and Suzanne decided to speak Facts.
This was very informative. This is helping me to decide whether to get. Married or not.
Ask yourself what you gain in marriage you couldn't have without it. Even if religious you can manage it to avoid recognition by the law. If a woman isn't willing to stay with you without the sledgehammer of the law, ask yourself why.
@@SA-vz7qi very good point
Great podcast, thanks! I would add the victim narrative and some ambivalent notions about being a homemaker (or simply a good housewife) to the list. Yes, being a housewife is victimizing. If you need to cook, clean and do laundry (or, God forbid, iron), you are oppressed by your husband. End of story. It doesn't matter if he makes 100%, 90% or 50% of the household's income - any house chores are oppression and he can do them himself. But if you do it, make sure to nag and play a victim.
At the same time, those same chores are considered menial and depreciating, not up to par with any working woman's ego or skillset. Especially cooking is looked at that way. However, working for a man 60 hrs a week is a manifestation of being strong and independent. True story.
My only question is: if cooking is such a simple and basic skill, why most young (and not so young) women I know do not know how to cook? It's kind of contradictory, isn't it? I explain it to myself as a "Carrie Bradshaw mental" (you know, oven used as a shoe cabinet). Quite popular among women my age.
And I'm married, with one kid, in my mid-thirties. I'm the only one who cooks in our household (my wife does other chores). For me, it's a good way to cut off my brain from work and relax, even though it can be exhausting (especially if you cook bulk amounts to freeze stuff). I just wonder why is cooking such a raw deal for women nowadays? Because it requires planning and effort? How do they expect to feed their future kids? With some supermarket crap? And then you hear some crazy news that certain percentage of kids never saw... a cabbage (read this one in a newspaper several years ago).
Expectations are resentments in the making.
I think you missed the mark on the importance of a god in marriage. Ultimately, what you're getting at is that spouses need to be held accountable for their vows. Spouses need to view their vows as sacred. While believing that a god is holding you to those vows, that need not be the only way. I vetted my partners well beforehand until I found a woman that shared my moral values on key concepts, like liberty, humanism, animal rights, and raising strong children who would also learn the importance of those values. I do see your concern, however, if we're talking about nihilism, since there would (by definition) be nothing for partners to make their vows sacred. Unfortunately, nihilism seems to be growing at a swift pace amongst atheists.
I love her content but I wonder if she is grounded in Christ?
Totally agree "Good things come to those who wait" must be why there are so many miserable indebted people.
This is a excellent video with great information no the world isn't perfect and yes I agree guys get screwed over alot but if you are always looking for what is wrong you it is hard to see what is right
When the divorce laws are equal for men and women I may then consider marriage again. The stakes get higher the more successful I am!
Do u think this would happen in your lifetime?
Women don’t realise men waking up to the laws, and opting out. It’s scary what impacts this is going to have on the next generation.
@@futuretechx5754 I hope it happens in my sons lifetime
@@herbigp I have 2 sons. Hope it happens in their lifetime
@@herbigp I think even that is too optimistic.
Best you can probably hope for is the ability to help them protect themselves.
Add the social conditioning, the legal system and the loss of my DNA choices, and we get a horrible system that will only get worse.
Thanks Suzanne.
Please can you do a video on why it is impossible to please a woman? It may help us all...
I don't think it's that religion is dwindling, but rather that in tandem with that people are also actively rejecting the values that religion espouses. As an atheist myself, I still respect the values Christians are supposed to live by, I just don't believe in God or any of that other stuff. I don't know enough about other religions to speak on them, but I'm guessing that most of their core values are also respectable.
Why in the blue hell would any man want to get married to a modern harpy? let them be independent and pay their own bills. Poon is free these days, it is a win-win for men. Long live Feminism! Winning
It's free for the alphas and costly for regular guys.
14, The legal system makes it so easy for women to get rid of the sperm donor (husband) and often get shitloads of free cash.
Clown keeps saying the same thing . Woman make money and are paid better then men in 20s . It's not free cash .
You are SO right about looking to 'old movies'!!... Especially War movies!!... I think "Best Years of Our Lives" should be required viewing. It's an unflinching look at REAL relationships and building a life with another person.
Just think how many of the earlier points could have "exacerbated/created by social media" next to them.
High expectations ... (12:00). I ruminated over this a decade ago as well. I finally came to the conclusion that, "if you don't expect anything you're never disappointed". Since then I've also discovered that receiving something unexpected is a pleasant surprise.
Which would a woman prefer, a dozen roses on Feb. 14, or a bouquet of fresh cut flowers on a Tuesday evening? Only a woman can answer this. What's the answer?
A bouquet of fresh flowers on Tuesday evening. ⚘
Have wondered what your reaction to the show "Strong Successful Male" may be. It's pretty negative as far as women are concerned. I have personally experienced the female traits he describes, and it's not fun. I agree with your view that the nature of the sexes is vastly different, but the majority of the difficulties women present seem to defy common sense, common respect, common decency, not to mention a narcissistic attitude that doesn't even recognize the efforts being made to make them happy!!!
This is the real "13 Reasons Why".
Number 6 is a big one.
there are some out there who will just say men 13 times and think they heard what you say
there is no framework, so going out of frame is no problem. it is not a selfish act. its knowing the meaning of, " the union of marriage"? immature selfishness is ruinous, especially to children.
Technically that thing that is now called marriage, is not marriage.
I hope they give you a good return on this video. 1/2 way through and I have a had 8 commercials. I don't begrudge the commercials. I want you to get credit for them.
wow thats a lot of reasons
Men are not as unscathed by extramarital sex as people (including themselves) think.
Men are scathed ny premarital sex. Very much so but often it differs from women. Sin is sin.
I think 5 and 6 go together you want 5 almost to the exclusion 6. Eventually 6 will understand why he was chose. Marriage is just a tool. They had completely different reasons for wanting marriage.
Christian 'spiritual' marriage ethics are subservient to State imposed marriage contract. State imposes marriage contract without consent of man/woman. The Issue, no-one wants to discuss, is How to execute a FAIR pre-nuptial and separation agreement that gives peace of mind to Both man and woman before they commit for Life. What Legal advice should a Mother give her Son?
Talk to his father. Is her son's fiance's family intact? Does she have a long trail of human wreckage in her life? Does she have a mariiage endurance ethic?
PC should be "CC" for Communist Correct. Wait a minute....."CC"....that also stands for something else....
will summarize it to just 1 reason: modern women
Is real love between a man and woman conditional? I’ve heard a lot about this and I’m trying to understand better. Men and women’s idea of love is different? So if one realizes this what does that mean ? Does it mean the man is going to always have to meet those conditions to be loved by his wife? I’m just trying to understand.
Early is always way better 18 to 20 is best
The question to really answer " why does the female get so bored that she has to divorce ? " Everyone knows the statistics by now.
The concept of marriage is doomed and needs replacing with equal parenting protocols. That is a better way. Parental custody of children is actually a very simple matter to solve given the true desire of “What is best for the child”.
We need to separate and discard marriage from family law as they no longer seem to be connected.
We can develop protocols that confer (over time) equal parental rights and responsibilities,…..once parentage is proven.
Children’s natural maturation process has 3 essential stages of need.
A.The unconditional love of the mother from birth until about 7 years of age. The mother to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance.
B.The conditional love of the father, who takes his children out into the world, gives security and teaches social boundaries from 7 until about 13 years of age. The father to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance.
C.The friendship and respect of peers from 13 until 18 years of age. The child to have “thefinalsay”.
If these 3 stages are not gone through in order, maturation is unlikely to be satisfactorily achieved and mental resilience reduced. This has now become generational.
Such a regime of equal parenting rights (over time) would bind parents into a co-operative relationship, because (over time) each will hold the power of “thefinalsay” sequentially when they are best favoured to use it.
Such family protocols would be the default position, (allowing love, courtesy and humour to prevail) but could in exceptional cases be varied by the court.
Buckminster Fuller said:-
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”.
To alleviate suffering is worthy. To prevent it is divine, but thankless.
When you analyze the human heart deeply you see that the law whatever it will say will always be diametrically opposed to healthy families. First, laws almost always do the opposite of what's intended. (No-fault divorce to reduce tension in divorce? Ha. Court rulings focusing on the kids best interest. Ha. The Affordable Healthcare Act? The Respect For Marriage Act? The Inflation Reduction Act! Do you really want Trump or Biden appointees in charge of your kids?!...) Secondly, what's most needed for children is parents with good hearts. Laws, especially those trying to force moral behavior, actually work against developing a good heart.
Grow a deep, wise strong heart in yourself and support others doing the same. That is how marriage improves. It's very hard but it's the only way.
Contraception masculinizes women and feminizes men.
I don't understand why everytime Suzanne posts a new video, there are legions of men crying about their failed marriages/relationships in the comments. This is obviously a channel about learning to MAINTAIN a MARRIAGE. Why these same men are talking about "I'll never get married!", "I'm happy being single!", "MGTOW!", and regurgitating Kevin Samuels quotes are hanging out here is beyond me. Go to any video here and that's at least 80% of the comments.
I don't agree with Veganism but I don't hang out in those videos' comment sections trying to argue my point. If you're truly happy in your situation, you wouldn't even be seeking out videos that don't pertain to you. You can easily click Don't recommend this channel or I'm not interested for these videos. You guys are weird af!
And what do you say to the women who hang around channels that talk about "I don't need a man!" "I'm strong and independent" yet they're the same ones crying at night in their empty apartments wishing they had a man?
Many of these men do want things to get better. That's why they're here. It's just so sad that the culture is so far gone that we wonder is there any real hope that things will actually get better. Channels like these are like a ray of hope.
@@hobbyvideography How do you know what they do in their apartments at night? Are you hiding in their closets?
I suspect that they're deliberately creating a toxic environment to prevent women from seeking help with their marriages.
@@toomuchinformation if you let women talk enough they will admit these things.
@@caroldreamer no one is deliberately doing anything. When women complain y'all sympathize, but when men finally express themselves, it's a problem.
Brilliant analysis! Keep spreading the truth. Interview Kevin Samuels. He’s leading the charge for men in the black community by educating women about their unrealistic standards and developing a huge following.
I agree with everything except the religion one.
Remove God and the natural order of things, and everything is a complete train wreck
@@David-pm6df?
@@David-pm6df can you explain?
@David So you say Judeo-christian religion forcefully imposed on people for ages, is natural order of things? Religion that destroyed many natural and animistic religions? Are you sure sir?
It's way easier to believe in Sun or a sacred tree. At least you'd respect the nature around you instead "filling the earth and subdueing it". It also makes much more sense to worship some kind of sacred mother figure as a goddess of fertility, not virginity. Just my two cents to that topic.
@@pancakewsx I never said religion, and it’s not forced on you.
and, would it not be better to worship the creator of all things rather than worship the things?
In the beginning God created all things, and He made Mankind in His own likeness and image, from the elements of the earth He made them and breathed life into man. God set in forward motion His order of things. Everything He created naturally follows/obeys Gods order.
Mankind does not follow/obey, and it’s so obvious that in these last days, society has really gone off the rails. Serious problems all around. The time is short, turning around and asking God for grace is the only Way, and Christ Jesus made it all possible if you just ask and believe.
Now, if that sounds like dinky dust to you and you prefer to worship mother earth or your own gods, that’s your choice....
But the title of Suzanne’s awesome video is “13 reasons modern marriage fails”
Admitting we have failed is a great 1st step.
Father Yahweh and Jesus are alive and well and very active in the affairs of this wrecked world, and the time to settle up with our creator is short.
Peace and mercy, grace and love are so very possible today !!! But not without the Source that provides them all so abundantly for those who will ask, repent, yield, and believe, and for the price of our dereliction paid for.
The debt has been paid.
Believe it !!
Choice is yours ;)
Peace pancakewsx
What happens the female partner want to have children in mid 20s. But financially the male is aiming to buy a house at 29 and kids at 30?
The male is a family man. And refuses to not be living with his child. it's not financially possible to buy a house and rent together befire hand.
Men are definitely not coming back to the plantation, Suzanne :)
Until the gynocentric laws where men don't win in any way, change.
Lol.
Re title this to 13 excuses... The reality is that there is only one reason and that is the divorce courts highly favor wahmen! There is too much incentive thru the courts and, too much encouragement from friends, for a wahmen to WORK on maintaining a marriage.
perhaps the reason your wife didnt want you any longer is how you call women "wahmen". Check yourself before complaining and whining.
@@kelliejackson3563 I'm pretty sure that falls under "It's always his fault!". Right?!
My ex's favorite saying; It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.
@@donhammer186 doesnt fall under anything. But calling women "wahmen" makes you sound like a bitter twisted old man who hates women.
@@kelliejackson3563 I don't hate women, I despise what they have become... just too busy being fabulous. Go find Terrence Popp, he explains it perfectly.
@@donhammer186 no tar, dont need to listen to another man moaning and whinging about women.
You had me up to religion. I'm kinda sick & tired of people spouting that religion & morality are the same thing, they aren't. In my personal experience the most immoral people I know go to church every Sunday while they spout racist, misogynistic, homophobic, & xenophobic rhetoric or are banging their secretary/boss/coworkers during the week. That's not to say there aren't legitimately good people that find comfort in religion & try to live by the general tenants of it, I don't fault them one bit & I say more power to them. I try to live my life as morally as possible but I also recognize I'm no saint nor do I pretend to be. The haughty & quite often hypocritical superiority of so called religious people flies in the very face of Jesus's teachings. It's why I turned my back on religion, it's a construct of man not God thus it's inherently flawed & far too often used to justify atrocities.
I find more comfort in more humanistic & holistic traditions of eastern religions (which are taught more like abstract philosophies than dogmatic religion) & paganism (the worship of nature itself) than the Judea-Christian traditions which far too often gets bogged down in it's own dogma. Even Islam has been co-opted by psychos that use it's teachings to justify atrocities despite it very much teaching pacifism.
Christianity is no longer for Christians.
Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! Too many people who practice actions of hate and hurt are often the loudest in society to blare out “Jesus this”, God that” and “The bible other”. They never go to the mirror when the problems of the world and life are on the discussion table. Never.
Sorry, but "men don't ruminate" is not realistic. Men ruminate because life makes little sense. Even a tape worm would give some thoughts these days.