Being Gay & Persian (with Zoya Biglary)
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
- Zoya Biglary joins Mal on the conversation couch to share her struggles with fitting in, coming out to her conservative Persian parents, and defying cultural expectations. Even though Zoya forgot to bring a piece of fruit, she peels back the layers of trauma and challenges that made her the out and proud Middle Eastern lesbian she is today. This episode is as aspirational as it is heartwarming, with subtle notes of sadness, and pairs nicely with a glass of chilled red wine. Salamati!
Please remember to subscribe, rate, review and share this podcast with your local librarian! Follow the show at @madeitoutpodcast and follow Mal at @malglowenke
"Thanks for being here" -----"I had no choice" 😂😂😂😂😂 Great episode and important one, very appreciative thank you Zoya and thank you Mal for consistently being a phenomenal host!
😂
love their banter!!
as a queer persian girl this episode meant a lot to me, thank you Zoya and Mal ❤️
I feel you dear I am also queer and Persian and I live in Iran I understand how things could be rough for us let's just hope to have a better tomorrow where we can be ourselves❤
Gay not q
Haram
*Iranian, persia doesn't exist.
@@slapjuicewasn’t it still called Persia less than a century ago?
That was really nice to see. Being a closeted afghan lesbian. I feel like I am the only gay afghan. I am convinced i will never ever come across another afghan lesbian.
I am glad Zoya could come out and not lose her family, it is a huge risk to take, I could never be this brave to risk it all.
I saw this comment and had to sign in to reply. I wanted to let you know that I’m a gay Afghan - I know it feels like you’re alone in this but there’s so many of us.
TikTok has been monumental for me. I’ve actually met quite a few LGBTQ Afghans including lesbians. You’re not alone. While I did come out to my family, I understand that everyone’s journey is different. Though I completely understand how extremely difficult it is.
I want you to know that the shame of others is not yours to carry and you’re wholly deserving of an authentic life.
You got this.
@@Hsalzthank you so much for taking the time to respond. You are the first ever gay afghan I have interacted with haha. ❤
I wanted to tell you I'm Arab myself but my ex girlfriend was afghan, we were together for 5 years in meantime I learned so much about the afghan culture and dari language, Afghans will forever have a place in my heart because of the amount of love I got from my Afghan friends and my ex's family, so yes Afghan queers very much exist, you're not alone❤
Hello
This is the nicest thing that I could ever read for real.
I am a afghan girl try to figure out myself.
I never thought I could see a comment who an afghan lesbian wrote.
So I am super excited and afraid
Literally so much for me
But I want to talk to you if you want to :)
As a child of Arab immigrant , i can relate to this . Well said Zoya
Not trying to be mean, but what does Iran have to do with Arab countries? Nothing.
@@ciaronsmith4995Arab countries are also hella religious and homophobic
Iran is not religious at a people level. At all. Persians are less religious than most Europeans. Iran's government is just brutal for many, many reasons that are political and above your pay grade. But again, that has nothing to do with Iranian people. Eastern Europe/Arabs/Georgia are genuinely homophobic people. Iranians are not. Get a clue. Even East Asians are more homophobic in my view. Metrosexuality was celebrated in Iranian culture for thousands of years too.@@mei2473
As a lesbian Persian girl who lives in Iran I totally get that pressure. The ones who were born before 2001 or so wouldn't even consider any options about sexualities but straight:) this podcast really helped me thanks a lot
I love you @zoyaroya
have u seen Circumstance (2011)? is it true it's like the most famous underground movie in Iran?
You are not Lesbian. You just can not get the man you want. I know a lot of Girls who claim to be lesbian but they switch as soon as they find a good man.
Total feel you. Don't live in Iran. I live in Pakistan. But I can't even imagine what you guys probably go through over there, with all the misogynistic drama going on.
Haram
remain strong! the regime will fall, and then everyone can be gay and free in Iran. Imagine gay pride in Tehran!
I love the representation with this video. Although I’m not Persian (I’m Indian), I totally resonate with the Mexican persona, personal isolation and it’s consequential effects, and the whole family dynamic/cultural viewpoints on the lgbtq+ community. This video is so inspiring and comforting. Seriously, thank you both so much. It’s incredibly amazing to see someone from the lgbtq+ community with your cultural background… wish we all had more representation like this!
(I never comment on videos haha but this video is (happily) my exception).
I am not persian i am indian!!!
Which ethnicity from india????
Persian is an ethnicity and she is not persian, we dont own her.
@@user-it1ek5ok7w what do you mean she is not persian?
“I never really thought much of anything. I was so focused on fitting in, I never took the time to dive deep into how I felt.”
Really really resonates with masking to fit in and a level of neurodivergence that has been clouding things for so long.
I definitely related to that.
Honestly, I feel like being able to mask is a privilege, to a certain degree. In regards to neurodivergence, I mean. I personally have never really been able to mask, as every time I tried, I failed.
For a long time, I remember feeling so bad that no matter how hard I tried, it always failed. I’m glad I’ve eventually come to accept who I am, and have stopped trying. Though there are a lot of times where I was unsafe because I couldn’t mask. Now, I’m primarily upset at how disappointing the world is, and how much further we have to go with fixing bigotry (in regards to this post, ableism).
"hyper-aware and living on edge; Hiding from people, hiding yourself. Those things don't go away quickly. " I agree... I didn't know how to describe how I felt but watching this made me feel seen. Thanks, @zoyaroya for sharing your story.
Great episode - we need a continuation of this please! I am Muslim & queer born in the U.K to immigrant parents. So much of what Zoya said resonated with me.. a huge part of me mourns all the years I’ve lost being closeted, and the shell of a person I’ve been through all of my past relationships. Unfortunately my parents passed away before I could come out to them but I did eventually come out to my siblings at 32! I’m only getting to live my REAL life now, in such a late part of my life. I don’t believe I or people in similar circumstances can ever fully be free. There is this sense of guilt that occasionally lurks in to remind me that I haven’t lived up to the expectations of my parents, the community, my faith.. it’s so hard wired and it’s something I will battle with forever. Anyway great to see minorities on this platform ❤️
my partner and i met each other at 25 in shanghai，had a dog together at 28, came out to family at 30，immigrated to canada at 31，had two kids at 34……right now kinda suffering from the first generation immigrant parent burden of raising the kids well and not to mention at the same time being lesbian parents and being women facing job anxiety in the new country issue, so at least three aspects of burden at the same time, but i never regretted the choice of spending life with my partner.
Hang on there friends everywhere❤
Hello from another Canadian lesbian!!! ❤❤❤
Neither queer nor Persian but absolutely loved listening to Zoya and her story. Thanks for sharing. And l do want to give a shout out to Mal for asking interesting questions & giving the space for Zoya to fully share her story without interrupting.
as an iranian im proud to have zoya as a representative of us
Zoya articulated it really well, that by hiding we do harm to ourselves. Thankyou Zoya for doing this episode. For people like me who relate (so much) to her experience, it’s really helpful to see an episode like this.
I really wish this episode were 5 hours long! I love Zoya so much, and I really look up to her like a big sister. It was super comforting watching this, and I didn't want it to end. Thanks for this gem of an episode, and I'm sending love to all kids who are struggling to come out to their immigrant parents. It gets easier I promise
This was wonderful, thanks for sharing, more LGBTQIA Middle East voices need to be heard!
Iranian people don't even have a problem with it.
Try going to Georgia (country where they attack gays), or any Orthodox Jewish, Conservative Christian region or country. They won't even offer the reassignment surgery Iran's government does, not to mention Iran's people are not religious at all.
I loved how zoya talked about the struggles that the children of immigrants go through, it was enlightening to listen to it
Thank you so much for this episode! as a first generation Filipino American lesbian, I resonate so much with everything y’all talked about in this episode. I found myself just nodding my head to everything. Zoya said thanks for all the representation and Mal thanks for this podcast.
I love the diversity. Pls bring more diverse audience. Lovely podcast.
Iranians are classified as white on the census. Look up what the word "Iran" means.
They are caucasians genetically. It's deep stuff.
omg as a persian and also a lesbian im so proud of her she did such a good job representing our culture (what’s happening rn and how it used to be)
Don’t lie you’re not Persian
She is@@solohabib7
as a closeted queer muslim from Indonesia, thank you so much for making this episode!!! it literally meant so much to me!!!!💜💜
So grateful for your podcast as a baby gay at 36.
Loving this channel. Mal is such a polished interviewer; relaxed and casual while always maintaining the thread of the conversation. Glad I found it.
thank you🥹❤️
Let’s hope the regime doesn’t get wind of this, but I’m a Persian lesbian who hasn’t fled the country. I’m out to my parents, close friends and relatives here, even though I’m from a religious Muslim family and live in a small city. After studying Quran in 2020 I’ve came to realize that Islam is not against homosexuality, but rape and cheating based on the story of Lut, and I’ve never had a closer relationship with the source of life. I’ve only recently realized I was born on the international day against homophobia and feel like none of this is accidental. And the thing is, I actually couldn’t imagine my current life being a possibility as a lonely odd teenager and was always planning to leave the only family I knew and loved for the possibility of ever having one of my own. I guess what I’m trying to say is, If you feel rejected by your own beliefs, by your community and family, just hang in there and be you and spread your inner love and light, things will turn around and you will find your bubble.
I’ve come to a similar conclusion after studying the Quran too ❤
Persian!
ایا فارس هستی!!!!؟
Are u ethnic persian!!!?
If not, never use persian.
Be real.
قومیت خودت را ذکر کن فارس را نه. و فارسهارا نام بد نکن.
Story of Lut As
Similar conclusion about the Christian Bible and the story of Sodom & Gomorrah. Love is love. God is love. Lust when made into an idol above God is sinful. And that's independent of sexual orientation. Love is love! Get and keep your heart right with God and let your light shine forth like the dawn. Spread love.
Stop lying about Islam ! Its well known that Islam does not accept gays or lesbians and those who act as lesbian or gay its BIG SIN !
thank you so much mal for this podcast. seriously you have no idea how much conversations like this mean to me and make me feel less alone.
Wow! My story is soo similar to Zoyas. I was born and raised in Los Angeles. My father is Jordanian and I never felt like I belonged in school. And I didn’t realize I was gay until college.
It was a great podcast! I understood it so well because I’m also Iranian queer. It’s hard coming out when you have family members that don’t understand you. It’s great to know that I’m not alone. 💜🌈
As a queer Persian girl who lives in Iran I feel your pain dear I just want you to know you are not alone and some day everything will get better:)
Love you Zoya! My lesbian daughter came out 2 years ago (her 2nd year of university) and it was rough going with her Persian father. It's okay now mostly because we create an environment where he doesn't have to be reminded and can pretend it's not true. Not how we want to live when she comes home on school breaks but it just makes life easier. I think his main issue is based around what others will think.
It's wonderful when this beautiful host is a Lesbian and is so open and bold on sharing topics regarding women who are in love with women in various cultures. She deserves high honors in helping the community of women not to hold back but to feel free in a full open relationship. I totally trust her.
I've been really looking forward to watch this episode! Thank you @madeitoutpodcast & @zoyaroya for raising visibility on this topic! As a gay persian woman myself, I really feel seen and understood for the first time in my life! ❤
I am so glad you had Zoya on this episode. I’ve enjoyed the podcast so far since day 1 but this one hit home bc I’m a south Asian queer immigrant and have a big extended family with no queer elders and everything Zoya said is spot on. Thank you both Zoya & Mal ! And Mal for giving Zoya the space to talk. I hope you invite more diverse guests in the future ! 💫💕
This hurts my heart 😔 I can not imagine what it's like to not being accepted with open arms because I was very very lucky. And that first acceptance is so so important. Even when people come around eventually, it doesn't take away the pain and hurt and trauma and I think it will never be fully 'fixed'. Zoya you are absolutely wonderful and I am so happy to see that you are being loved by SO many people all over the world because people like you are the ones that need it the most! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m learning so much abt Persian culture from this convo.❤Thanks for posting
What a beautiful, deep message as always💖 Thank you for sharing!!
it’s wonderful how much representation and different stories you can bring on this podcast! Loving it, keep doing it!
I love hearing more and more about Zoya. You’re ambitious, have strength, passion, relatable, beautiful, the list goes on !!! I have yet to try your vegan fish. I’d love to soon. Also love this new podcast! I’ve been watching weekly and rewatching episodes because I can’t wait for the next one and also just to hear enlightenment that I might have missed the first time. It’s also hilarious and so comforting! Thanks all involved 🤍
I’ve never resonated with someones story so much. Thank you for helping me! I also come from immigrant parents and I relate so much.
I’m so so thankful for this podcast ❤️❤️❤️
As a lesbian persian girl with religious parents I relate to this so much
Me too:)
@@hasti204:)))
I can relate so much to that pain and initial shame to have disappointed your immigrant parents by coming out. I think if you take the step to come out and you know you can escape in case of bad reactions, it is worth it because after that, it is as if a weight is lifted off your shoulders and you can finally breathe. Thank you for these talks!
Going to high school in Arizona, in the 80’s and I had several friends from Iran, Laos, and India and Mexico. They had left their countries with their families, so I really enjoyed knowing them, and finding their backgrounds of their homeland and their food.❤❤❤love the culture
make them last longer!!!! pleaseeeee
Wonderful, great to hear your Story, thanks for sharing....i really like the ripple effect. Show the World who you are, thats why we are here for 💜
in tears watching this. thank you Zoya for speaking up on your journey, we queers in Iran wish we were you(lol). stay happy❤
I’m really glad and happy that youtube suggested me this podcast especially this episode.As an Iranian girl I really proud of you and thanks to both of you for not just making this podcast but sharing the story ❤
Thanks for sharing zoya, I completely resonated with her story and feeling as though within a culture or around people different to you
I really wish one day we can stop carrying this weight of justifying the acts of our parents as "they were doing the best they could". they really hurt us and we deserved better
what a wonderful interview!
So very interesting hearing about the culture and family issues. Such a shame some people and cultures are not more accepting of who we are as it causes so much grief. What a great guest.
I come out sooner.. I did it (or actually, I was thrown out of the closet by my brother) when was 20.. And my parents' reactions were really like Zoya's. but they never came around. It's like coming out and not being heard or seen. And never talk about it again. I had a phase of being single and trying not to live my own sexuality because of that lack of acceptance. And I had to come out again like 5 years ago when I found someone I wanted to spend my life with (I was 33). And again, it was so painful and not really worth it, because it brought them distant again... And lastly, about a year ago, I had to tell them I got married. From a video. Because there was NEVER space to share anything real to them. It's like, I know I shouldn't care, and I say I don't. But it's so hard not to find that acceptance from the people who nursed you, and took care of you, and helped you become the little human person that is now out in the world trying to live well emotionally, physically. It's hard to take care of ourselves when there's this lack of importance shown to you as a human being by the people that sadly, matter the most. Anyways, I am so glad that more and more, the newer generation is having it easier, as their parents are younger, and have a better worldview and hopefully there won't be a need to come out anymore, heterosexuality will not be the norm, and what's "expected". Loved the episode. Thank you
Just an all-around extremely impressive human being..
Thanks my dear for being this much courageous and you are the LIGHT for gay people in Iran ,thanks for being you!!
Thanks for sharing zoya it means a lot❤️hope that we all overcome to worry about these stuffs, and may the world let us all to be free however we want without being worried about the outcome.✨
Absolutely enjoyed this episode.
The part with the persian lady having a stroke made me cry. I relate to this episode so much. Thanks love❤
Wow, this is so relateable. Thank you for sharing, Zoya.
love the podcast! wish it was longer
That was just Perfect! I enjoyed every second of it, So proud of you Zoya and thank you for being Honest and sharing with us.
Zoya,
I know you must be such a great roll model to the young people in the persian community.
Your family are extremely proud of you💐💐😍😍
24:41 it's a bitter sweet story and thank you for sharing that; I just wanna say as a Persian who lives in Iran and like 100% straight, still it's so so hard to live with the community and deal with couple of Persian parents! So your parents were some kind of bright angels! But I know it's very challenging being gay and Persian and immigrant at same time
Thank you so much for this video, it has made me open my eyes up more to what my girlfriend is going through. She lives in Colombia and I live in Australia, so it is really hard for both of us knowing her family and friends don’t except our relationship.
Don’t get played by a 3rd world 304
@29:21 I feel the same way about being Jamaican. There's warmness with aspects of the culture. And I LOVE my culture so much. But there's still this underlining negative way in which that same culture sees gay people. And as a Jamaican lesbian it's a battle. Another great interview.😊 30:20 "rip the Band-Aid off" So true. I'm still not out to my parents. I might just rip that band aid off for 2024.
A JAMAICAN LESBIAN omg I feel so alone 😭
@@jordanyaedwards168Right 😭 I'm also a Jamaican lesbian and I don't know a single other one. Most isolating thing ever.
Awww I’m not Jamaican but I’m also Caribbean as I am Haitian…and yep that anti lgbtqia settlement is also shown in Haitian families and as a lesbian it makes me so depressed that I have to be in the closet
@@blueizumi Us Caribbean queers are obviously out here. We need to find community with each other.
@@jordanyaedwards168 Caribbean Queers Unite🫡 It does feel isolating.
You're just lovely Zoya. So proud of you. Wish you all the best in the world.
I’m Saudi Arabian, and as bi person we don’t just face homophobia we face racism too because some surrounding countries claims that our nationality has to do with our sexuality which is so not true, anyways love the episode
This was the perfect interview ❤
She is lovely and so well articulated!
That was awesome, as a straight Persian girl I am proud of your bravery and tolerance.❤ Good luck all the time.
Zoya we are very proud of you. Persian women are so strong and such an inspiration to all of us Persian men.
It was a wonderful episode, thanks Zoya for speaking freely and honestly
My grandma’s part of the huge Persian community in Orange County and I’m so proud of u for being the first one to come out ❤🏳️🌈 This is giving me the courage to maybe someday be the next 🥹💖
Beautiful story, glad she's happy.
Zoya as a Persian man I’m proud of you. Keep doing what you’re doing.🌹🌹🌹
I totally like this format. Such a great podcast!
Somehow that episode made me cry
As a gay persian, I tip my hat to you!
As an persian girl I'm happy to see Zoya here ❤
Love Zoya....they are pure joy!
Great interview! I can relate to this! I'm a black 25 year old black girl born and raised in a christian and third world latin country called Panama.
Great interview!!!
I love you Zoya. What an incredible journey
Great interview. Honest and real.
I think this episode is the most meaningful one (all of them were meaningful too) buy because I can relate to it most..with culture and society I was rased in.. so thank you girls, means a lot ❤
Persian culture is so beautiful ❤
As a gay persian girl , i loved it ,tnx zoyaaa❤
Great podcast and another thoughtful conversation. Enjoyed meeting the ever articulate Zoya so much. Question: What is the title of the text Zoya was reading at 33:03 ? Intriguing words!
the children of immigrant guilt is so relatable. i'm struggling with it now even at 29
Straight cis male here listening and subscribed. Great podcast! :)
Zoya is so well articulated . A true role model
I truly enjoyed this! Thank you for sharing. I'd absolutely love to marry a middle eastern woman! Hopefully someday I can find her.. 🙂
Thank you to both of you
As closeted in eastern country i feel related thk u for story 😢
as a persian women that is also heterosexual i love you zoya and you are such a strong and empowering women i adore you and you're wonderful girlfriend she has become one of our own the videos you two make are the best 🤍🤍🤍
thanks for being our voice and tell the truth about Iran and government freedom issue. we are proud of you Zoya jan 💚🤍❤
This is everything I've ever wanted to say but couldn't put properly into words
Thank you zoya for sharing your story! Your dimples are so cute
What a beautiful, intelligent woman you are, Zoya. Very informative. You are stunning. 😮
She looks like ana Brenda Contreras, those dimples ❤❤❤
I love watching this segment.....many lessons you learn about what happen to a lesbian..I really love all lesbian
Hi Zoya, I just wanna say you are a great role model and inspiration for the queer- Persian community specially for those of us who currently live in Iran and giving us hope and a sight of how our lives could be…someday 🫶🏻 thank you both for this amazing episode ✨💅🏻
Hi dear I'm a queer girl who lives in Iran, if you know any Persian queer community please tell me I would like to be a part of them
Thanks
i'm loving the amount of fems i'm seeing here! my type is fems and i thought they didn't exist for a second😭 i thought i was gonna die single bc no ones my type. Also do most fems come out later in life?
Bravo 👏👏 wishing you all the Best ❤️