How to get out of really low points
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- čas přidán 31. 01. 2024
- Almost getting kicked out of my doctoral program taught me 4 important lessons that have helped me get from that low point to where I am now.
Everyone faces setbacks - some are circumstantial, some are self-inflicted - but how you approach those setbacks will set the tone for everything that follows.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.
I look up to you BECAUSE of your history. You have the cred that too many others do not. Your personal experiences have blossomed into an ability to communicate to others exactly what they need to hear. Book learning alone can never do that.
Same! Dr Scott, it's because you're real, you have struggled with the same depression issues that we do, triumphed and come out better for it. You're our role model, you care and you give us hope!
I got fired 2 weeks ago
I'm starting my own business now
I've never felt better.
Good luck to you, my friend! 👊🏻👍🏻👏🏻❤️🌹
Te deseo lo mejor,éxitos!!!!
❤
"Mistakes do not define your identity"...tell that to my 7 year old self. Please.
You can. Give your inner child a hug.
This is not talked about enough - I almost did not get my clinical doctorate either under similar circumstances. I was heartbroken, burnt out, and just plain tired. The system didn't account for life on life's terms.
In telling your story, you just gave away a handful of diamonds that would have taken another therapist years to explain. There are lessons in this that everyone can take and make their life better now. Thank you for never giving up. ❤
Of f-ups: "Make it a part of your story but you don't have to accept it as a trait that is part of yourself." Very wise. Thank you!
I am one missed deadline away from getting kicked our of my PhD programme after fighting through so much of life (surviving stage 3b cancer, pandemic related unstable housing situations, 5 family members dying, mental health issues, permanent cancer related physical health issues and reoccurring injuries, etc.). I feel like it is the only thing I have right now that is worth fighting for. I am also fighting the fear that after all the cancer treatments that cognitive damage hasn't healed in time, and that my work isn't going to be at a high enough standard. I find solace in the phrase "ad astra per aspera (we pass though difficulty to reach the stars)."
I wish you strength & courage to get through 🙏
You are so inspirational
I wish you strength!! Sounds really rough, but i'm sure you can pull through!
I wish you strength…remember little by little you will reach the goal!!!
❤💚
I had a similar situation for my grad program and was told I likely wouldn’t be able to come back from a bad exam. I got a tutor, joined a study group, started working out, buckled down with my sleep schedule, and I pulled out the grade I needed to pass clinical anatomy my first semester in grad school. Finished my program with a 3.5+ GPA and now have a dream job. Don’t ever assume that people know what you’re capable of.
I'm so proud of you Dr.Scott. You make the world 🌎 a better place
Agreed!!!
So real, so honest, so human. That’s why so many people tune in to you.
I am pre menopausal, have MS and just went through a bad breakup. My Dr won't get me therapy from someone who specializes in these things. They just keep adjusting my meds and give me general therapists that are interns. I'm at my wits end!!! If there's a way to will yourself to die then that's where I'm at. My faith is all that's gotten me this far.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please find another doctor. That is inexcusable. You need the proper help. I wish you the best.
Perimenopause nearly destroyed my career. You might want to ask a gynecologist about trying low-dose birth control pills. Many women now take hormones ("the pill") for decades to postpone the adverse effects of perimenopause and menopause. It made a HUGE difference for me. I also had very bad luck with general practitioners prescribing anti-depressant medications - I only had success when I finally saw a psychiatrist. I hope you find some better help. I wasted years of my life with sub-par doctors! Hang in there.💚
Please watch "The phenomena of healing, documentary film" part 1, 2, and 3. It will turn everything around for you and that is a 100% promise❤❤❤
Something that I particularly admire in you, is that you were able to relate this incredibly painful story to us in a calm voice, with complete openness and authenticity. You do not allow feelings of shame or defensiveness to distort the meaning of your story. Listening to you speak, I experience an immense amount of courage and trust on your part. You know and trust that we will accept your story and that we will continue to admire you as you share mistakes that you have made and pain that you have felt. I experience your example of self-acceptance as an invitation do the same in my own life. Thank you for your videos.
Well written :-) I feel the same about this video, but I wouldn’t be able to put it into words like that :-)
Well said. I noticed the same qualities. What could have been a histrionic story of academic hell and casting of blame was told in mostly matter of fact tones and acceptance of responsibility for his part in it all.
As someone w two Master's degrees...and many setbacks to go along w them...this story is INCREDIBLE. Knowing the full details of the backstories of successful people is INVALUABLE. Ur experience was definitely traumatic!!!! How u did NOT GIVE UP was SUPER HUMAN ✨️
This was me throughout my bachelors which took me like 9 years to finish. This was also me throughout my career . It was so stressful and sad. I felt so inadequate for so long 😮😢😢😢
This sounds like me! I hope you are feeling better about yourself now X
It’s insane that one mistake could cost you so much! I was incredibly stressed out just listening to the story, and it didn’t even happen to me!
Same 😳
Dr.Scott, You will never know what difference it`s making to a lot of lives by sharing your setback(s) and what you`ve learned from it. We`re learning a lot from you. Big ThX.
From all of us.
Organization is a struggle for me with PTSD I zone out. I need to get a grip to be of better service professionally and for myself.
My problem too. Stay present. I'm starting a meditation practice. That helped me so much a while back.
Sounds like that experience lit a fire under you to get your sh#t more together. I can imagine some sleepless nights. Glad it worked out for you in the end. Being a licensed professional or practitioner of some kind is no joke.
Thank you so much for sharing these stories. This video is giving me so much hope. I'm a perfectionist, and I need to know that a mistake or failure doesn't mean that my life is ruined.
Jesus that was a close one. You've really been through it.
These videos are saving my life. You don't even know how good you are.
Man this hits very close home, everything you said. People starting families, getting nice jobs, while I'm still studying for a bachelor at 28. I had this conversation on the thesis where they told me I cannot do it due to the workload. I still asked for the details on the thesis and, after looking through it, I told them I can do it. I know I can, since I got over my procrastination problem after 8 years and I'm doing much better now, as I actually complete courses unlike the past. I'm not the procrastinator that I was labeled before. Life is as you said: you can use your setbacks as a springboard. I can convert previous experiences and pain into lessons and progress. Thanks for sharing a part of your story Dr.!
How did you get over procrastination?
@@user-it4rt5wf4p it took me years but I tried every single day and it was a combination of multiple different strategies. What works for me may not work for you, but it is important to always try something slightly different than yesterday until you find something that works for you. Then reproduce.
In my situation, accepting you can't complete all courses at once was the first step. Then picking the very easy courses to start studying and forgetting the larger, harder stuff. It hurts knowing you still have to do the hard stuff later or even next year but maximizing the probability to get yourself started is by far the most important thing. Then cut this project/course or stuff to memorize into smaller and smaller things that you can manage: try one chapter in one day, if it doesn't work, a subtopic the next day, if it doesn't work a page or paragraph, if that does not work, try some sentences, if that does not work, try the first couple of words the next day and if that still does not cut it. Try reading a single letter.
You'll feel useless that your progress is so little and that your peers are farther ahead in this specific domain of life, however you need to accept this feeling and reframe it as such: at least I was not as useless yesterday and I did pretty good making the tiniest step in the right direction. Savour the very small moments of progress and let it reward you by looking back time to time and see how far you have come compared to the beginning. It may not be much but the road is finite and eventually you reach the goal.
As you get used to letters, words, sentences, paragraphs, pages etc. you notice you can do a little more next day and then you notice the little wins even seep into other aspects of your life: you get dishes done, you mail teachers/contact friends, clean your room, greet strangers with one or two words etc. But don't get ahead on yourself, keep trying to the smallest amount of work you can manage. Bigger steps come later. As to when? We don't know, but today is our focus.
There are days that you don't make progress at all. This is normal, you are human. Accept these days and try something different the next. Such as studying at a different room or different library, where you surround yourself with people trying to progress their lives too or different time in the day. Keep applying a slightly different strategy until you find what works for you.
It took me 8+ years to learn this, but I hope I save you at least a couple of days when you've read this. The setbacks of procrastination made me into a better person than I was before. It is a humbling experience and I hope it learns to treat other people with kindness and love as they have their own struggles you don't know of as well.
Lately, I contacted friends to train for a half marathons and play in a band. As learning the smallest things is applicable to everything in your life. A note, a chord, a walk, a run. The smallest of progress change into better rewards: a song/participation medal etc. display your progress a reminder how for you've come.
Remember this: always think of a new strategy until you find what works for you, then reproduce. Everyone, you included, can learn to learn.
So interested in how did you win over procrastination.. I need that😢
Ohh I feel you on this. I haven't been in an academic situation as severe as yours but back in school I taught myself two years of Latin class within two and a half weeks for an important test. And at another point I did months worth of work on a project within two days. So yeah, as you said, never let someone else tell you what you're capable of. I like to say: when it is truly necessary I make the impossible possible. Thanks for sharing this story, I had a great time listening! You're insane but that's why you're at where you are today.
That reviewer was partly to blame. She told you couldn't do it, but you did it. She tried to derail you.
In my Master's Program, the department chairman had Cancer of the Brain. She attacked me in a crazy way.
Her son later apologized to me because he learned what his Mom did.
She died. I was sorry. But someone in the department should have stepped in and stopped her.
I did get a Master's Degree, but not there. She had derailed me!
I ran across this video at the exactly right moment! I have been defining myself by my mistakes for my entire life. I also have let other people’s opinions inform my definition of myself. Now I know there is another path forward! Thank you, Dr. Eilers, for giving me a valuable tool I will use for the rest of my life.
This video is me right now. In a MA program, trying to restart my thesis (not from scratch entirely), after taking a year leave of absence. It’s been 4 years in this program that’s advertised to take 2. Almost no one graduates, only two in my cohort have out of at least ten people. The IRB took months, having me make so many revisions that they could have told me about in the first revision draft, then having my committee not signing my proposal off because they were too busy, slowing me down by 6 months. I don’t know if I can finish. None of the professors were willing to work with me because they don’t think I can do it or care enough after all this time. But I now have 2/3rds of my committee, probably fine with my third, a new proposal written, and I can still reuse my completed interviews I did for the first thesis. I can do this, even with all of this stacked against me. I’m 28, live with my parents, have never had a full time job or a boyfriend. I’m so ready for my life to start.
I need this right about now. I'm currently facing a few setbacks in my life. Can't wait for the metaphors and strategies. :)
Thanks, Dr. Scott. ☺️
You wanted it so bad that you gave it your everything. You proved to yourself that you can do anyrhing you put your mind to. Great story. I think you inspire people and your a bright person.
What do you do if you realise that you have wasted ten years of your life and have achieved nothing and you are exactly where you started while everyone around your age has moved onto better things ???
Here’s a pertinent quote from the 60’s: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” You can spend the next ten years unchanged, or you can move on in your own special way, in your own time, and achieve your goals. Your life is not over! Go out and grab it! 😊 And PS - don’t measure your life by what others do.
@@jeanpease9327 thank you so much for your kind words. This is exactly what I needed 🙏❤️
@@jeanpease9327Thank you so much for your kind words 🙏 I definitely needed this today ❤
Thank you, thank you, Dr. Scott. I appreciate you so much.
Marilyn Monroe said something to the effect -
Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can happen.
Thanks again, Dr. Scott
Hoo-ee! Your second story about made my hair stand on end.
You just said the first lesson and I couldn't help but think about your recent rush to open your private practice in record-breaking fashion and having the doors open but without insurance approvals. 🤦 I stopped to comment and I suppose you're about to mention that little disconnect between lesson learned and learned lesson applied. All I can say is I now feel better about my own such disconnects. Some practical lessons simply seem to defy practice!
(I'm 71 and only in the past two months realized I have a historical pattern of relationships with avoidant attachment narcissists... both the ordinary romantic kind and the run-of-the-mill friendship kind. Honestly, how can my brain have repeatedly let me mess up the same way? I'm now terrified to even try having another relationship!)
Whew. Wow. THANKS for doing this, saying this.
Wow. That was a lot to unpack, and even more to absorb.
Thanks for sharing that.
Thanks, this was very inspiring.
That’s determinations Dr Scott!! Refusal to fail mentality!!
just wow.. great experience)) Thank you for sharing!
Wow you came through a huge hurdle - I feel for you, so glad you made it through! I have never been a 'keep going' and keep fighting person and I really struggle with those hurdles and giving up. Hell, I even give up when things are going great and I don't even know why!!! Likely because of my depression and deeply ingrained beliefs that I don't deserve things I guess - but this year I am on a journey to finally get myself out of a deep hole and I just need to not give up and keep climbing and this channel has been a huge help for this. Thank you.
Incredible that you did it. It gives me insight that I can get my life back on track.
This gave me so so much anxiety listening to this. My goodness im so glad you made it. You're amazing not to give up, you sure have determination. What an achievement. If you had given up we wouldn't have your fantastic self helping so many people.
Wow. Thank you for sharing this story. You are so inspiring.❤
Your stories and lessons learned are important for me to hear today. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this story. It's very inspiring. I have so much respect for you pulling through all this.
“And I did.”
Feels good man
Thank you, Dr. Eilers, for sharing this experience. Thank you.
It's a good thing you made it! Very inspiring story, and thank you for making yourself vulnerable.
Thank you! Powerful, resilient, honest and vulnerable sharing/experiences. It is an excellent reminder too.
Wow, you really speak my kind of language! Thank you so much!
You are an amazing honest doc, I needed to hear this now.
I think you are SO marvelous!
I’m so glad that you pushed through!! I just found your channel and it’s helping me while I’m trying to pull out of a very long depression. Thank you 🙏
This might be my favorite video you've done ☺️
Thank you. This encourages me, I am on similar path currently on my doctoral program.
What a story! At this point in my life, I would definitely give up in a situation like that. Glad you didn’t! And I agree about the last point
Thank you Dr. Eilers for sharing your story.👍 (Greetings from Germany)
Wow I’m so glad you powered through all that to make all these great videos!
I have watched around 100 hours of videos like this over the past 2 years trying to understand my own trip in life - the way you explain things in the two i have watched so far is more helpful than ALL of the videos i've watched in the past combined. Thank you so much.
Wow...just...wow. I've never heard from anyone else who has experienced this level of --what do I call it? I never found any adequate words for a sinilar sort of experience. Thank you. I don't feel so solitary now. It was 50 years ago but your description brought all of it back as if it were yesterday. I'm reminding myself to breathe deeply even now.
got kinda same with my PhD but i cancelled. i started to feel myself just a walking disaster, but now i started to rewrite my story from my own point of reference, and kinda started fixing my life immediately. thank for your story as a point to be shure i’m doing right. and i was kinda walking DSM and now (partly thanks to your videos) i left only with muscule skeleton pains and i about to take it over too
There must be many patients who are glad that you continued. You've probably helped them more than any other human being has. And although they might not show it, I am sure they are very grateful.
That story is intense, at this point in my life I'm not coping very well with anything and that would destroy me. You did the work to come through!
Thank you so much for speaking about your experience and the things you’ve learned. It really gives me hope
Thank you for helping me today when I've been so low and things look so black. I aways give up and now I see how I can keep going on.
You are doing such great work for those who need (your) help. Thank you.
I admire your honesty and vulnerability. I think that is what draws so many people to your channel. You so humbly offer us help with your down to earth stories of your own experiences & hard-earned lessons. Thank you for everything you do Dr. Scott! I wish you and your family all the best.
Thanks Dr. Scott. I had a very bad day but your video made me feel good and laugh (at the way you told the story) ❤
Could you please share with us your organizational habits?
I look up to you more because of this video... especially because I had a similar experience (although much lower on the educational scale) when I found out -during student teaching- that I really had no idea how to interact with people. Specifically adults. It's like, my issues stayed nicely wrapped up until I needed to make a living. I have struggled with this idea that I'm a fraud ever since. 😢 I bet I connected so much with your book because of some similar "almost didn't make it" and "nobody but me knows" experiences.
I remember growing up in a family of shift workers and the whole family were night owls from the word go. I had a friend who was a morning person and I was so jealous. At one point, I remember I made a conscious choice to make the switch. It wasn’t easy but I did it. I am now a morning person. It’s NOT nature, it’s nurture. All day long, you can set your mind to do something and then do it. More or less.
I have been struggling with my youngest son (12yo) with this issue. He much prefers being awake late at night & sleeping in. He’ll be up til midnight then sleep in til after 10am if given the chance. This doesn’t work for school and I’d like to change his routine but it’s difficult as he complains he cannot sleep if he goes to bed earlier than usual.
@@Ikr2025 I would imagine it would have to be his choice. I chose to be a morning peson despite my natural inclinations. My entire family remains night owls. I know I can't call them before noon and they know they can't call me after 9 PM. LOL
@@Ikr2025that is very common for teenagers--there's science to back it up. It's probably hormonal---let him sleep when he can
I am glad you didn't choose/ had to choose a different a different career path. Your videos helped me a lot and they literally saved my life
Wow!! I would have handled that differently. You’re amazing
There's great value in opening up about your mistakes, scott. We live in a world where tv heroes are all slick and the best at what they do. We seldom get chance to hear that others have been as disastrously disorganised or monstrously misinformed about life. It's a paradox but I am reassured by admissions like this because I'm not the only one to be like this. It might even be normal. Nobody talks about mistakes.
Dr. Eilers, this story is inspirational, not embarassing!
Ouch! Thank you for posting this. I'm stuck in the middle of my dissertation. Also I have to defend my tenure portfolio. I was stuck. You are helping me to move forward. Thank you.
Oh wow! That really does sound like it sucked. It would have been incredibly disheartening to say the least. But when I heard your story all I kept thinking to myself was “he was 29, married and on the verge of getting his doctorate!”… that’s huge. I’m so glad you didn’t accept the limitations that other places on you.
I didn’t even start my law degree until I was 32. And, I too am a bit of a crazy person when it comes to taking on too much at once. I took a full study load, I was working full time with significant daily travel and in between I bought a house, had natural disasters, a pregnancy and I had a baby… gotta say - it’s incredibly hard to sit a law exam when you have morning sickness and baby brain. With all that I managed to finish 2 degrees in 6 years (taking breaks (2 breakdowns) in between)and kept my grades at a high GPA…don’t know how I did it and couldn’t do it again.
It is no surprise to me at all that you’re fallible, I think we all are but not all of us recognise it or are willing to acknowledge it.
Thank for sharing your story of perseverance. I think there were some great lessons to take from it.
Amazing that you landed on your feet after such dire circumstances. Genius. Thank you for sharing. I’m humbled… 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼☺️💙
“Never let anyone tell you what’s possible for you.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to but ignored advice and ended up figuring it out anyway in my own way and time. I do respect experts but I also know I have to get my hands dirty in order to learn and understand for real. Talking home repair, mental issues, how bureaucracy works, etc. Not a sheep nor a rebel. Just me. Frustrating to some in my life who like prescriptions but my way works for me and I eventually reach my destination. Bravo Dr Eilers! 👏💙
This is a golden nugget, what you’ve shared here. Mad respect and sincere appreciation for you, Dr. Scott. Thank you for what you bring to the world.
You have no idea how much you've helped me. Experience is invaluable and your experience helps us all. Thank you!
No reason to be embarrassed telling these stories! You told them well (concise yet suspenseful) and they're helpful to the rest of us when it seems like accomplished people only have theoretical, ivory tower problems and not ordinary human problems. And the springboard part was very inspirational. Thanks for sharing!
This was the realest pep talk I've ever seen. Thank you so much. I'm struggling with some health issues that may mean I can't complete an apprenticeship that I thought was my future. I feel very lost, but I hope I will be able to look back on this time like you look back on your PhD program.
Resilience, grit, hope in the midst of apparent hopelessness! What a great story, ty! ❤️
"The stoy you tell yourself about what has happened" - I would like to highlight this. Plus set an exclamation mark besides it.
I love all these stories of yours I think it's the life experiences that are the lessons. And the fact that you back up the knowledge of psychology and the brain . What happens if you feel you cannot do anything well that's new what happens if the thinking is all about that you think you are too stupid .I cannot get past this . I did try to change my thinking and failed over and over .I tried new jobs overandover I can't get past this
Dr. Scott, you are extraordinary. I don’t know how I stumbled into you but I’m so frickin’ frickin’ that I did. The Bar Exam is what’s holding me back. Studying and working full time. I feel like blowing my face off. In a good way. You help me so much to get through. Thank you.
Oh I would LOOOVE to write a 100 page paper--that sounds amazing. The rest of the courses I would have trouble following lol.
Wow, someone who comes thru as a real person. The way you talk and explain things are amazing. I never got anything out of psychiatrist videos. Or maybe your just one of those people that just click with me, which ain't many. I'm around the same age as you, but am struggling with depression, anxiety. I was also addicted to heroin for 13 years, been pretty much clean of them for 7 years. I also lived in Detroit 35 years, and it's amazing how much a environment can make on your future. I'm positive you will hit a million subscribers. I would stick with this format it's going to catch on.
Thank God your professor did this because your videos have saved my life several times. Thank you.
you're really the best! I watch your videos every day and I'm not exaggerating, thanks a lot!
Hi, Dr. Scott, I'm in my late 30s and have spent the last 10 years of my life feeling like a complete failure and I have absolutely let my mistakes define me. I'm just starting to come out of this decade long funk I've been in and get my life together. I'm glad that you made this video and I see what you're saying that it was not healthy to let my mistakes define me, that other people shouldn't define my limitations and that I can change for the better by changing my behavior. What you went through in grad school was insane and it's amazing and inspiring that got through it successfully.
You have many decades left! If I was in my late 30s, I would probably start a new career. I hope you follow your dreams💚 I know how it is to waste a decade. Medications made a huge difference for me, but it took seeing a good psychiatrist to dial them in.
Ugh man it's heavy out here , I guess every one is struggling somehow 😔 at least the world is not against you
So powerful was your message and your inner strength to go through this all is astounding! Often times, we discover our inner strength through challenges, where we are forced out of our comfort zone and you did not go under. Wishing you many successes for the future ❤
Congratulations on this. I was glued to this video, just wondering what the outcome was going to be! I had gone through similar situations in school but I quit. I got a job and left school behind me. Now, like you, I am over the top organized. People tease me about how organized I am. Thank you very much for sharing!
So much food for thought...thank you so much for sharing this. I am going to adopt this principle in my life. My therapist is getting tired of hearing about you, so l will share this with her, and she'll know what l mean.❤
Hahaha! I have mentioned his name and channel to my therapist as well and referred back to some of his content🤣❤️
That really was a crazy story. Part of me can’t help but think, “Well, I’m not capable enough to do what Dr. Scott did to pull through in a similar situation.” But I’m trying my best not to let that thought win. I have to give myself more credit. Thank you as always.
I’ve watched so many of your videos and I hope this doesn’t land poorly (coz I don’t see it as a negative)… you consistently sing the song of my neurodiverse people 😄.
And I think neurodiverse peeps who find the tools that complete their toolbox are unstoppable.
I hope you’ll keep sharing your truth. 🧡
Not gonna say, what you should or not do.
Sometimes “mistakes” actually can turn tables for good.
Really glad that you achieved yours goals. Well deserved it.
Only on the lookout for more successful achievements.
Cheers dr. Scott.
I don't usually use this term, but that's quite an inspirational story.
My lord, God was smiling on you. You are amazing. 😊
fellow mentally ill therapist thank you Scott
I find focusing on a round smooth yellow crystal helps works through colour and shape
Healthy eating
Walking on spot gets endorphins going in the brain
Connect positively with nature trees and flowers
Or simply rest and cuddle a cushion
Scott love colin
You have so much empathy and charisma that it would have been a travesty if your story had played out differently❤. I wish I’d had someone like you when I was young enough to re-evaluate my life. When we get older we still have the same hopes and dreams but any changes we might want to make would be built on shifting sand. There does come a time when you run out of time and must accept who you became. I find listening to you cathartic and your attractive honesty and openness is helping me cope with changes I have little control over. Your story is inspirational and I feel for what you have endured to be where you are now and you still have much of your life to live your dream. If relating your experiences helps you I am sure you have many willing ears to hear you. I hope your clients in Iowa know how lucky they are.
Sending love from Julie in Hampshire, England ❤et
Sorry about the typo at the end, I couldn’t delete the ‘et’!
I appreciate the message of differentiating between identity and behavior. I currently identify as a slob, but I aspire to become someone who has displayed slovenly behaviors. I would love to hear some of the theory on clutter and depression (beyond simply not having the physical energy).