6 Signs that someone is a good partner and a healthy relationship is possible | HealingFa.com
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- čas přidán 16. 08. 2024
- Recognizing a good partner could really help in creating a healthy relationship. In this video, I will talk about 6 signs that you can look for in a partner or potential partner. If you don’t recognize any of these signs in your partner, it doesn’t have to mean your partner isn’t right for you. This video is just meant for educational purposes!
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--- Contents --
00:00 Intro
00:58 No jealousy
04:07 Is understanding
06:02 Able to apologize
07:19 No set Image
09:25 Is respectful
10:52 Self work
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Video Title: 6 Signs that someone is a good partner and a healthy relationship is possible
This video is about 6 Signs that someone is a good partner and a healthy relationship is possible, but It also covers the following topics:
Unconditional love
Toxic relationships
Jealousy
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I want to add that all these signs are also a sign of health on your end. If they are not present, it is highly likely you contribute to the dysfunction. As Pauline said, if he reacted jealously I would’ve hid stuff that would fester. This mondset and behavior is just as unhealthy as the jealousy is and ultimately will cause it in the most healthy partners. Be very careful when you are stuck in self-victimized reasoning.
A personal anecdote from the receiving partner of someone that was on the receiving end of this search for red flags. I was never jealous, even had partners fall in love with others and thank me for the way I handled it. But all of that changed when I was in a relationship with someone that was scared of me being jealous and kept changing her story on everything. I needed a lot of time to heal from that situation. So, if you decide to break up because of the presence of one of these signs, be very careful on how you communicate it. It takes two to tango, you usually play a part in keeping the dysfunction alive. Don’t blame shift all the responsibility of it onto your partner as you leave. You could really do some damage to someone you once chose to love.
Very interesting video, thank you :)
I disagree about jealousy part. I mean, there's unhealthy jealousy, when you want to control your partner, when you suspect them in cheating where there're no obvious reasons for this, that's what you need to work on. But if your partner decided to leave you for another person, I think it's not just you're being jealous, you feel betrayed. I would never be happy to hear from my partner "it's ok if you fall in love with someone else, you don't have to stay with me", I would feel like they don't really love me or being passive agressive.
Also I think if you're in happy and healthy relationship and you fell in love with someone else, I think you just experience limerence, your brain craves dopamine. And immediately jumping to the new relationship will be not great idea, better try to increase dopamine from other sources.
That's my opinion :)
Exactly! In one hand that tip is good at that point, when someone left you, you should understand, it's not the end of the world, you should let the partner go and don't keep resentment on them.
But in another hand it has been presented like it's normal to leave your partner due to fleeting interest to another person. What's point of building healthy relationship then, if you are gonna destroy it so easily?
YES!!!
👍
To be connected to someone while at the same time having ability to independently grow as separate people is a magical thing to witness. Relationships are such a hot topic and this is seen in many places in our culture now but its always the 'what if' that can go well, or not turn out as good. Self work certainly is fundamental...great topic 😊
Thanks for your video Paulien. I reconnected with an ex over the holidays and it’s such a relief to discover that she isn’t the right person for me and the relationship lacks several on the points on your list. It’s so clear now and I can easily move on without blaming myself. Before I was never quite sure and needed to try again. But now I know. I think it’s also b’coz I learnt about healthy boundaries in your program and now see that the relationship cannot work if I set my boundaries. It’s a very important lesson for me. Thank you. Onward and upward! 😊
Some amount of jealousy is a sign that you are invested in keeping the relationship together. It’s actually an evolutionary survival instinct that is wired in to our brains. Possessiveness, controlling behavior, and toxic insecurity are other issues.
Vasopressin go brrr
I’ve been with the stalemate jealous controlling partner, made my FA worse. Thank you, great talk 💗
He has all of these traits, but how can I stop my mind from looking for bad things about him. I sometimes avoid him just to keep an imagine of him in my head where I don't villianize him. I feel bad, he's a good partner but my mind always finds something bad and I don't know how to stop it.
You are scared. Practice vulnerable communication, invest in your healing and reprogram your subconscious trust wounds. Good luck! Not an easy way.
My FA ex decided to have a friend with benefits, even after describing our own relationship as ticking all the boxes. It's pretty hard not to be jealous under such circumstances when the FA is putting a clear sexual boundary to avoid commitment.
Ugh.. As an FA I'd NEVER do that. I've seen that my FA partner could, and have, before, though.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson I'm fairly certain that it was just something to create distance between any kind of commitment because she admitted that the FWB would never go anywhere. That doesn't make it any less harmful to building trust though.
Totally agree with that. Truth and security, genuineness/authenticity is key
Yeah this is definitely not a healthy dynamic, and at least you have a very clear signal to walk. I'm FA but very healed, and at this point I've been in your shoes, but with someone creating distance by outright cheating. It hurt me in a way, but all the security work I've done on myself helped me see that they literally just weren't in a place to commit. I could move forward and open up to the right partner for me, because I tend to believe they're looking for me too. Anyway, hope you were able to find closure for yourself, you deserve commitment. Paulien just meant that feelings ebb and flow, that we'll be attracted to others throughout life because all humans are, not that we're allowed to act on feelings for whoever when we are in a commitment or building towards one. Loyalty in the agreed-upon form in our relationship is necessary regardless of attachment style.
@@iamtaraalexandria It was painful as I'd made a pretty big change to commit as a result of both the strength of my feelings and the amazing words she used to describe our relationship, and yet she still wanted to keep the fwb because doing otherwise would impinge on her "freedom". It was equal parts maddening and hurtful.
Not sure why people are so upset over this video. I agree with everything you said and this is coming from someone who used to be extremely jealous and possessive. I dated a lot of jealous and possessive men who were super abusive, controlling, toxic and cheated on me. I no longer think that jealous and possessivenessis a sign of a love, it's a sign of insecurity and selfishness.The other person is not a possession to be owned and although it would hurt if they developed feelings for someone else down the road and chose them, that doesn't mean you weren't good enough. Sometimes people just grow apart and I wouldn't want to be with someone that wasn't all about me anyway. Its better to be with someone who trusts you to be honest with them if you are starting to crush on someone else vs cheater or insecure person that controls you so you don't cheat. Real love is wanting someone to be happy, even if it's not with you.
I found a wonderful man who was secure and liked me a lot, I was the one who became dysfunctional because of my triggers and wounds and ruined it, he ended up breaking it off and I feel like I broke my own heart 😢
I am confused by these signs..
1. Jealousy - My ex was never jealous. I was free to do 2hat I wanted with who I wanted and he never asked me anything.
2.. Understanding - My ex was very present I felt seen and heard. He addressed anything I brought up and tried to meet my needs.
3. Appology - My ex appologied when necessary.
4. No set image - not sure on that...but I feel he thought I was more perfect 'I don't sererve you' 😅
5. He tried and asked my needs and respected my boundaries
6. Building - this one he didn’t demonstrate
Based on this I thought I had a fairly secure person until he blindsided me with a sudden discard after a day together and I later figure he is likely FA and those behaviours was part of his avoidance, hypervigilence and people pleasing.
Can you please make a sequence on how to heal. I needdddd helpppppp😢
Ugh…honestly not your best. But everyone has an off day. Thanks for all of your content. Its most often very enlightening.
"If you say no for whatever reason they have to resptect that boundary. Even if they don't understand, even if they don't know why put up that boundary" 🤣
With this mentality no relation works.
With this mentality you create the deepest connections. With this mentality you create healthy relationships. Just imagine your boundaries only being accepted when the other person 'approves' of the boundary or understands the boundary, how scary and unhealthy that would be. Ofcourse in a loving relationship you try to understand eachother and learn why the other person needs certain things. But that doesn't mean that when you, as a partner, don't understand why that other person is putting up a boundary, you can just go ahead and do whatever you want because you feel like you are right. With that mentality, no relationship works. Boundaries are needed to feel safe. Safety is needed to feel connection and real love.
@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 I don't say no boundary is needed. And I don't say if your partner isn't agreed with you you can't set boundaries. Of course although they are not agree you can set a boundary. But what is the easiest way of setting a boundary. First you may ensure them. You must make explanations. Thet don't have to accept your views and you still can set a boundary. But first you have to say why you are saying no to them. A relation means "yes". If there are to many "no"es, there is something different. And if your noes goes with "whatever reason"s it will destroy your relation. They can accept or not but we have to (yes have to) give them the reasons.
And thanks for answer.
If you are married and fall in love with someone else you’re putting your relational efforts into the wrong relationship. That’s not OK
big disagree. you can develop feelings for others regardless of whether you're single or in a relationship, for friends or strangers, that's just how irrational feelings are
If you're in a committed relationship. Have some respect and self control, don't act on it..Flirting and seductive behavior is untrustworthy. One reason why relationships and marriage end. Infidelity.
Many people don't know how to behavior. Nor do they have healthy relationship skills. Trust is paramount. Setting boundaries are essential. A sincere apology is changed behavior.
James Sexton has excellent podcasts
@@landerlauritsif you are in a loving relationship,I highly doubt you can fall in love for someone else. That's why secure people stay so long - they know what happiness is and love. What you are talking about is infatuation.
@@MrMalum it starrs with infatuation and even stronger feelings can develop, if you really want proof think about people who are in polyamorous relationships
@@landerlaurits can you give any proof that polyamory is without any insecurity?
individuals with insecure attachment styles to be drawn to polyamory as a way to cope with their fears of abandonment or not being enough for one person. By spreading emotional investment across multiple partners, they might feel less vulnerable to the pain of rejection or abandonment from any one partner.
In other words, polyamory it's just a rationalization for avoidant behaviors. The fact that it works for some doesn't prove anything. We might treat it as exception for the rule, maybe, but how can you imagine families providing secure environment in polyamory? It's a sure way to create disintegrated families and destroyed identities.
Most of the people I read about,that create polyamory relationships lack emotional depth,which is typical for Avoidant behavior.
Cheers