Only Confident Men Are Able To Do This - Chris Bumstead
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- čas přidán 22. 07. 2023
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Chris Williamson and Chris Bumstead discuss the modern state of masculinity in the younger generation. How does Chris Bumstead define masculinity? What does Cbum think is the best way for young men to handle their emotions? What is Chris Bumstead’s plan to do to help the younger generation of struggling kids?
#chrisbumstead #cbum #bodybuilding
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Hello you legends. Watch the full episode with Chris Bumstead here - czcams.com/video/AncMbHY6b2A/video.html
The Way of The Superior Man is a book I wish I read in my early twenties. Talks exactly about what Cbum is talking about, the masculine and feminine polarity
I’m 18 years old and finished reading The Way of The Superior Man about a month or 2 ago, any other book recommendations or words of wisdom?
@@harleyforme1238
Iron John - Robert Bly
Fire in the Belly - Sam Keen
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - Moore & Gillette
The Rational Male
The Kybalion
Also, WOTSM is a book you should revisit every 2 years or so; it's so dense with knowledge that you'll get more out of it with multiple readings over the years
@@bb.buchanan appreciate it
Christopher Ryan made an episode critizing that book. I think the episode was called "The Way of the inferior man". He made quite a few harsh and (I think) valid points. I'm not saying the book has no merit and that you can't find value in it, just that you might want to check out some other critical viewpoints.
@@notimetowaste6012 Take what is useful and discard what is not
Cbum seems like one of few male public figures/influencers who adamantly peddle embracing both masculine and feminine energy as a man. Without one or the other being toxic or detrimental to masculinity and manhood.
Love it.
Fuck man, felt it when he said “I can go in the gym and forget about everything”… I literally say that all the time and even use it as a positive when introducing people to working out. When Chris said it in this light, it really made me realise how much in my life I’m just trying to cope with by forgetting everything for that 1-2hr dopamine window. Shit.
Hope you're doing well today my friend. Workout or not!
Hope you're alright brother. We're all fighting on this spinning rock that we call earth every day but I really do hope you're okay. I hope you find peace within long term.
A lot of passions or hobbies embrace this "I can go do blank and forget about everything"
Much better than boozing. At least it’s constructive
It’s much better to let it out at the gym than pick up drugs. Even weed is trash. I fell into an addiction with weed and that drug is the ultimate escape. It makes it seem like everything is fine when it isn’t.
Embrace your emotions. Process them and most importantly learn from them. We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to the things that happen to us.
Couldn't agree more, most people need a balance. Without it, we are not doing ourselves any favours. Bumstead gets it!
Growing up, I thought this is where we were headed. Nowadays, people push that it has to be one way or the other. I think I'm very centered as a male, and wish I could find more men like that to be around.
@hey_you that's so important, and tbh, having extremes makes you realise how important being centred is. If I need help I'll ask for it, if I need to cry, I'll cry.
@@AdamScottfit I agree, and thanks for saying so. I'm not quick to tears, but I don't shy away from a good cry. Most often, these days, I find myself welling up when I witness real human connections, and see people doing good things for one another.
Most men need alot more than balance...balance oftens leads to mediocrity.
@@DublinDapper how so? If you can't ask for help when you need it, you'll be stuck.
This man has so much emotional intelligence.
And he’s jacked af
Be really careful who you are trusting with sharing all of your traumas. I've known people who wanted to speak to me even when I didn't want to share anything. I told them everything and their response wasn't enough to console or strengthen me. Some people just act like they want to help, but they only want to know all your secrets. But I was lucky enough that I got homies who really listened to me, talked to me, honestly felt bad for me, and even cried with me. That is the level of empathy I need in my life. That level of support and appreciation really boosts a person's emotional stature and confidence in themselves. And sadly only a man can give another man that kind of support.
this comment is so underrated
This comment is bang on. There are People out there who only say they’re there for you so they can be nosey and know all your problems. Gotta find the real ones. The process to finding the right ones Usually comes with betrayal and being let down though, which sucks but it’s necessary.
Amen brother. I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone is truly trying to help, they really do just wanna know your problems so they can exploit it for their own gain. I’ve also luckily had close friends that have helped me through a lot. Haven’t had that with girls in the past. I think there’s some things that only another man can help a man out with
I don't know about the last part, but I'm glad you found some real people. The word we are looking for here is REAL. Not many exist anymore.
This came at a perfect time for me. I just keep staying busy and active because I've built this massive backlog of emotional pain I don't know how to manage it. I worked a month straight of 10-14 hour shifts with no days off, exercising harder than I should in the little time in between, and drinking to help myself go to sleep because I don't want to deal with my problems, and all I needed is somebody to tell me it's okay to cry and want support.
I grew up in a similar household. Both the men and women in my family were raised to just hold shit in and carry the stress for the entire family. I carried on the family tradition until I had a freakin’ mental breakdown in late 2019. You can only avoid things for so long before they come to collect.
Facts, hope you're doing better now man
I couldn't focus on the actual conversation. The quality of your production is just on another level man.
Very balanced perspective. The key to opening up to people is finding the right ones. Get attuned to your emotions and learn to find people who are safe to open up to.
Any time a man shows emotion, he gets admonished, and his girl has less respect for him. It’s not the man who needs to change his behavior. It’s the people who shame him for showing emotion
stop beating around the bush & just say what you mean... its women who need to change.
This black and white thinking needs to stop. Sorry if you've had bad experiences.
True. But the world is not going to change, and good luck finding some unicorn woman who will be sensible. A man needs to accept what world he lives in and decide how to react to it.
But thats not realistic, we can’t expect everyone to change for us, especially with respect to something so deeply engrained in the psyche that it’s unnoticeable as the loss of respect, so it’s up to us to find solutions, and outlets to show emotion, like a bro who gets us and shares our struggles, or being able to communicate emotion in ways that show competence and other manly traits when expressing those emotions to women and society.
Not my experience.
Another great interview with great info to learn from! Also I had to take a second to admire your setup for how simple it looks yet polished as heck! ❤
This is the first video ive seen on your channel thanks for your opinion even if it doesn't work for everyone good to talk about. Legend in the sport
top tier quality of video. Man you've come a long way!
Greatly important conversation and I love the new podcast location Chris.
Cbum and this clip in general will help me a lot over the next few months. I realized the way I am and what I have been doing is suppressing myself, I have a lot to say and want to let it off and have been trying to for a while but I don’t have many adults in my life who I could go too. I was blind to it tho, but now I’m aware it’ll help me
Chris comes across as (without wanting to sound patronising) maybe more articulate and insightful than you’d expect. Really interesting podcast
very much so. and also as a genuine and sensitive person
a lot of top bodybuilders are very smart
Chris you just keep getting better as an interviewer and thinker. thanks for doing what you do.
What an intelligent man. Much respect.
His emotional intelligence is awesome. He’s so aware of his feelings.
Question, how can you be intelligent and at the same time take substances that we know mess with your health and lower your lifespan?
@culchie1982 he's being intelligent by taking only the right amount for his competition. Nevermind his great genetics
@@zackfozzy7506 How exactly do you know how much he is taking? Asking for a friend.
@culchie1982 and how exactly do u know the substances hes taking lower his lifespan and is messing him up badly? Asking for a relative
So wholesome to listen to. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for this episode.Wonderful and important discussion about balancing all sides of the human condition.
I've seen quite a few criticisims that women in particular are putting down men when they show feelings. This does absolutely happen, but equally you will get men who have the "man up" attitude to emotions.
It isnt about women or men, it's about the amount of people who are emotionally unintelligent putting people down for showing feelings.
I've experienced both women and men dismissing mine or others emotions, but I have also experienced both also showing compassion, understanding and support, and it has almost always made us bond closer.
Its about an individual's perception of emotions, and usually those who most fear confronting their own emotions and thoughts will be the ones to put others down.
If those you choose to surround yourself with are reasonable people, they are never going to dismiss you. So pick to be around good people.
N.P. Post emotional discussion sex is some of the best.
Very deep and insightful!
This guy is very smart and articulate, I’m positively surprised.
Balance. A word as old as time and requires you to be fully invested in order for you to truly be content with yourself, wherever you are in life
i haven't listened to much of Chris Bumstead but he's already one of my favourite people ever. He just seems so kind but also a beast. The guy practices what he preaches
I never been scared of showing emotion life’s a roller coaster if I can’t be honest with my self that what else do I have.
One of the things I like the most about exercise is that it removes luck from the equation.
If you do the work, you get the reward. Now, and tomorrow.
You never go "damn I've been working hard all this week and I didn't even get a little bit stronger it's not fair"
In relationships, it's much more difficult and complicated.
So in a way exercise reminds you that there are at least some little things in life you have full control over, even when everything else fails despite your best efforts. It's a small island of control and certainty, with a baseline level of reward associated with it. It's an umbrella for the rain.
I wish everyone man and woman could and would listen to these words from Chris. Thanks for a stellar interview.
impressively well spoken
Love the camera work!
This video should be mandatory viewing for all young men.
Great words Cbum.
Be strong yes, but don't mistake emotions and being kind for weakness. Reject the extremes. Chris' message is spot on. Incredible human being and man.
I came here not knowing what to expect. Left pleasantly surprised. Respect to cbum
Letting out emotion isn’t breaking down, it’s getting rid of the bullshit trapped in your body. Ask for help, help others, AND take charge and fuck shit up. These things don’t contradict each other. That is how it should be and it’s the only way that it’s _physiologically possible_ to be the best version of yourself.
What does embracing your fears even mean? You ask for help or you face them, don’t just sit there and pretend to be tough.
Loved chris’s advice ying and yang its true, a balance for everything!
Wow just two minutes in and I feel it already. I can’t afford therapy but the gym is my best therapy. It’s my happy place.
Wanna take a moment aside from the great content and messaging to acknowledge whoever shot/lit this, looks very good! 👏🏻
Balance is key 💪
He nailed it, love this guy
thats a lot of great wisdom
Becoming skilled with emotions -- identifying them, processing them, feeling them deeply, and reading them in others -- has given me access to a whole new group of friends, and lovers too. For me, it's a healthier life. The majority of people can't handle it, that's true. But those who are left... the people who deeply appreciate who I am at my emotional core... these are the exact people I would choose to surround nyself with. So just be you, and if it costs you a bunch of people who don't approve of the real you... then you really haven't lost much. Hope this helps someone out there. Wishing you all some good days ahead.
Shut up
sounds kinda gay ngl
Thing is, when she kept asking him if he was okay, it made it harder and harder for him to pretend that he was. Each repetition slowly broke him down until he collapsed under her empathy and love.
Ironically its the same mentality in the gym. The more reps u do, the more ur muscle starts to responds.
Well, that maybe happens when you never really had someone that cared about you. What if no one really cares about you? Totally different and cold experience.
if only the other 98% of men could attract such women
Facts
Love this guy, he so real
Much love
When I started going to the gym shortly after the ex wife and I split I determined my why and used the weight loss journey as a avenue to use the pain of multiple relationship issues as fuel. But what I found out when working out was that there was a deeper pain and cry that I had to push through and even when pushing my max and driving those pains as a focus, after each workout session I felt a void in my heart. Years of damage both from my mother and from being with toxic women but also from areas where I felt I failed myself as a man. I gained the 100 lbs during a 2 year span of what felt like a living nightmare. Confidence shattered, hope lost, no god or deity to respond to my tears. And women have the nerve to call out men who start podcasts. Women have had emotional therapy sessions since the ability to speak. Men store so much in and when it explodes it levels everything around them. Only to take the blame for everything because “that’s what men do”. The gym is only a piece of it. Meditation, writing out, finding like minded men who you can trust to discuss our issues and look for ways to face them rather than run from them.
idk man I can understand men not wanting to release emotion, or being selective in how they release. The vast majority of us are in the trenches with minimal social equity. If you're cbum you have excessive amounts of wriggle room and I think overall he can be more authentic in expressing emotion. Secure career, income, relationship, etc, all giving him this space.
I agree it’s easier when you’re on top of the world. But think of it this way: he has much more to lose should it be a bad idea to express his emotions, right? Find some friend, either online or off, someone impartial but who genuinely wants to help. It’s that simple. How much lower do you think most guys can sink? What are they risking exactly? Someone think even less of them? In their view, this is not even possible. Man up, locate your balls and have the nerve to vent to another dude. We all need a strong support network, women and shrinks are not really useful in that regard. At that point you need more masculine advice to get you out of your mental hellhole, not feminine. Let me know if you need amy help in the “trenches”.
You guys over complicate everything then wonder why you can’t talk to no one.
@@santostv. I talk to your mom all the time
What a well rounded fella
Lift heavy circles. That's the best advice.
man i like cbum before, after hearing this conversation, I absolutely love this man and is the new yard stick for me.
yeah he’s right about it still being there, i got cheated on and started going to the gym and when i get home i straight up just start replaying all the events in my head over and over
Good to see God helping hit the hearts and minds of men.♀️
You should be able to show your emotion as a man, the reality is that when you do, people do not like it, women don’t respect it. There is no way to show it in this society without some repercussion. It’s sad.
Not being able to is like a tea kettle. You hold it in until it erupts. Its a problem
@@jasonhutchins9239 well a solution has not been found, I’ve found myself in much worse situations releasing those emotions than I have hiding them.
@@benliftin4awhile It is almost an art to learn how to express emotions without letting it overwhelm you. In moments like this people around you can get uncomfortable, which is often because of confrontation with themselves (I love and care for this person, yet I don’t know how to comfort him/her).
I would urge you to try new ways of being expressive, and if needed, with help of a therapist. God speed.
When Cbum opened up to his girl, he said it brought them closer than ever before. Most people might not have a girl like that however it is clearly not impossible to find.
@@harleyforme1238 yes I’d still not take that one example and go give men advice based on a massive outlier, women are not biologically prepared or inclined to care for a man in his struggles, it’s in their nature to think it should always be the other way around. It’s just nature, the men who cried and complained didn’t get mates in the past, period, we need to realize as a species, we are not very far removed from what our biology dictated for thousands of years.
That being said, yes there are women out there that are wonderful and care for men, and care for their man and wouldn’t mind if the man unloaded his emotions every once in a while, but the problem is simple, it just doesn’t work out very often. Girl loses attraction.
Men just want to feel appreciated and respected . And when we ask for this we are emasculated, resented and given even less
I wouldn't use a collective civilizational approval/disapproval system that's struggling to identify human biological sex (within its own species) as ANY kind of gauge as to where I should be as a person. Look to the most proven men of the past, learn from them and understand that the closer you become to them (in earnest) as an amalgamation, the better you are in personal quality
Humans want that, it’s not a male thing. When have you met a random woman and just given her respect? You think as a male you are entitled to something just because you’re a male? If you can’t reciprocate those same beliefs to a woman you don’t know why do you feel entitled to a woman you don’t know doing that to you?!
@@meangreen6044what a terrible response.
@@meangreen6044Why did you jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t show women respect? Your projection is showing….
By who? Other men?
My parents didn’t show a lot of emotion to me as well growing up. I’m very similar I dont express myself and never reach deep connections with my friends
Same man. Sucks. I feel broken in a sense. I have no emotions towards most things.
bumstead in the mano-sphere -- didn't know i needed it
Always rated Bumstead, but hats off sir - preach!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:42 🤔 *Embrace both masculine and feminine energy for balance in life. A real man can be emotional yet take charge of his goals.*
01:53 💪 *Fitness can provide an escape, but addressing emotional struggles is essential. Balancing emotions is crucial for overall well-being.*
03:16 🛡️ *Childhood experiences can influence the reluctance to seek help. Breaking the cycle and asking for support is a crucial step towards healing.*
04:50 🤝 *Lean on loved ones for support; they may not know how to offer help unless you open up. If needed, seek professional help, like therapy.*
09:34 🔄 *The coexistence of strength and vulnerability is vital for a true alpha male. Embrace both aspects to be the best version of yourself.*
Made with HARPA AI
Totally feeling his words from inside.
Tate taught me dominating masculinity with some venom in it.
And I stopped following him.
Chris described the balance what I want to hear.
I can cry, and get the burden off of my chest. No fake chest pumping
You may be interested in Jungian psychology. "King, warrior, magician, lover" is a book by two Jungian analysts on masculinity. Short, fantastic intro to the field, and one of the best books I have ever read.
Good luck growing bro
Bro you will always feel like quitting, angry, bored, luck of smth. Fuck the feelings if you want to be recognized and known and do the thing you want to do the best. So follow tate!
I haven’t watched this video but checking the comments, I agree that if you show your weakness to a girl, that will not be welcomed by her. If you change for her in many ways, she will not respect you. Find yourself, learn and know what you want from a relationship and your girl first… yeah you shouldn’t follow eeeeverything that any person says. You should just utilize tate… you can disagree with him sometimes, that’s natural.
Don't cry in front of a woman bro whatever you do, they may not say it, but any respect they had for you will evaporate.
@@GetKingShorty one hundred percent I agree. Use your homies and immediate family to cry with but never cry infront of your girl
legends 💪
This guy knows about challenges. He's gone through his life with the name Bumstead.
I am SO GLAD that Cbum is bringing young men's attentions to the polarity between people AND things.
The reality is that if you want you seriously achieve something big in life, we need to realize the yin and yang of the way all things move.
North/South
Masculine/Feminine
Productivity/Creativity
There are so many. One of the best things we can do to really center ourselves on our missions and purposes is to realize when we are on which side of which equator.
Fantastic video CW and Cbum.
Anabolic/Catabolic 😊
The perfect man is someone who is reliable and caring. Someone who takes care of oneself and others. Someone who fighting for the RIGHT things, being kind and loving. The looks are secondary. A man who takes care of people who fall sick is the ultimate alpha. And if he himself falls sick he remains kind and will get cared for by others. Kindness in the end matters the most.
This is all you need for self help and the rest is all you. Be strongly vulnerable
Wow he explained that conflict really good. It’s not all just black and white people
I may have had top 1% best childhood (0 to 12) ever and now at 26 I'm doing fine but nowhere near to top 1% best life and it is hard, you know? Childhood is so simple, you need so little, but adult life is a true struggle
That’s awesome man. I also liked the Jesus reference
as a Christian dealing with insecurity beyond my comprehension, i appreciate all of what Cbum has said, but ESPECIALLY bringing Jesus into the picture. i felt like that was for me. i'm seeking a therapist, acknowledging that i cannot do this alone and that God has given me somebody out there for NOW to listen to me for now. thank God
As a man, it's VERY important to have male friends (even 1) you can be vulnerable around. You can cry, you can express fear, say you feel like a loser, etc. That way we don't become overly emotional around our women, & can be the unshakeable rock they need as a foundation to balance their emotions & lead them to THINK through things. Rely on other Men for emotional fortitude, not your woman. ✌️
This is such a sad way to live. I couldn't imagine not being able to emotionally lean on my partner. If the kind of woman you're looking for is only interested in an unshakeable rock, you're looking for the wrong kind of woman.
Bro is right. In my experience it’s much better to lean on your boys than to lean on a girl. As sad as it is a lot of them lose respect for you if you get vulnerable around them. There’s some things you can share with them but some issues only a man can truly help another man with
@@juice_man4439 I'm genuinely curious, what sort of issues do you feel like you can only talk about to another man?
The dilemma of many Millenials is they had such pampered lives they struggled to form a coherent identity…because struggle and challenge and failure is what builds character and humility. That’s why so many millennial influencers try so hard to create an image for themselves that is “authentic” and “rugged” because they are anything but.
I feel like the main reason we can't break this stereotype of being both the man who cries and the man who can channel his inner emotion to become his best self during times that call for it is that you are seen as "fake" if you do both. For example, if you take down a bear (or ace an exam, or earn your phd), then later that night are crying in a tent (or bedroom) with your Mom about the pressure you are feeling about what your village (close friends and family) expects of you in the coming days or near future, then you are seen as dishonest or not true to who you really are. Not showing who you are in front of others but instead showing others who you want to be. Something I am learning as I get older is that things are just more complex than you think they are, no matter how much you try to make things simple, and we want to think of things simply, the fact is that we don't work simply. Like today, I got more than enough sleep, but I was groggy, then I realized I was struggling to feel things and struggling to cope with stress. Sometimes when we get what we want (sleep) it doesn't make us better equipped to handle life. Why does getting sleep make you less able to cope with stress? Because it's not that simple! There are always more factors at play than we think too. Like today I actually woke up from a dream in which I was laying in bed the with the previous girl I talked to, after falling asleep texting someone else, because it made me realize how special that person really was to me, then later that day, I learned that she was not even close to the person I thought she was. Why? Because life is complicated and I was simplifying her, and in all of the good ways, which is in my opinion more dangerous than simplifying her in all of the bad ways, because then you end up with a partner who has a few too many flaws or differences to get along with you. Life is complicated, complex, often times preposterous, but it is that way due to multiple forces at play in every decision we make.
nothing but facts was said in this video
hmm lowkey hear it but i still feel like men can't be overly emotional but the best thing is to open up to the right individuals that can genuinely help and not see you in a different way
This is called being rational and down to earth. This is what a role model truly looks like. Tate out here just talking bs about a matrix and how if you slip off the path of world domination in the slightest it means God hates you. I cba with that Tate talk.
Man or woman the main goal is to be the best version of yourself, as long as you wake up to see another day you have a shot so don’t waste it
crazy that the manliest man on this planet thing about the same stuff than all of us.
And young men that ask for help and get into situations where people dont know how to respond to that, because they are not used to it, get this feedback of feeling that people dont want them to ask for help. Theres definitely more to this than men themselves needing to learn how to be vulnerable. Telling men that they need to take responsibility for their emotions is just this new workaround way of being dismissive of their needs. We dont have a language for seeing men as vulnerable. Thats the problem.
1.Hit the juice.
2. When in doubt, see number 1.
No better feeling to go on a big empty gym with your AirPods that’s freedom, your mind is floating away
I think men have forgotten “I wanted it, I fucking got it” attitude. It can’t be given to you. You can’t stay sad and hope for a helping hand. The more independent you are in your journey, the more dependent people you will get which will make you a king. Just recall a definition of a king for a second.
What he said at 5:58 about his fiancé was real
What cbum isn’t really realizing is his masculinity is on the outside he wears it like armor. So he can be soft emotionally. Where Tates masculinity is more personality words etc. when you already look masculine as shit nice hair look good. You can be softer emotionally when your tall skinny/slip not that attractive your masculinity has to shine through somewhere and rate goes with personality at the end of the day you need to be one side of that coin. It is a balance for sure like he said but it’s more of a physical appearance personality balance over most.
31 old man. Feels like that the ship has sailed ⛵ for me.
Props for CBUM for bringing up Jesus Christ! Hope someday that him and us all can bring these sufferings and guilty conscious to confession, and actually liberate from them, and start a new life in the Grace of God. Thanks Chris Williamson for the great podcast!
W
Looks like a movie.
Jesus is the best ❤
IN OTHER NEWS is a weird way to cut into the sponsored ad 😅
how come ppl don’t think anger is an emotion
“You don’t think Jesus was a bad azz mf I think he was” 😂😂
we all know it but we can't change it. men who show vulnerability lose respect, and they dry women up. men who don't conquer and excel find it way harder to get a partner and therefore a family aka the most important thing.
we live in a time where to be a provider you have to be kinda exceptional... you can't just be a hard working guy and support a family and be a head of a household. that's long gone
Cbum is the gigachad haha
It’s not even “modern” masculinity. It’s traditional masculinity that is hurting men. I can’t remember the last time I’ve really let it out without forcing myself. I was told not to cry by my mom and dad throughout my childhood. So I grew up sensitive in the wrong way. I bottled that sensitivity up until it became anxiety and trauma. Now I’m older, trying to get my health in order. Other than weightlifting and education, my ultimate goal is to fix my emotions. I’ve had friends cry to me but I’ve never been able to cry to them. Hopefully I’ll get to a point where I feel no shame about it.
The middle-way.
Tate does also speak of creating a reliable stand-up network of men.
Try asking for help and opening up, only to be rejected and shut down. That shit f*n hurts.
Men live in a perpetual paradox, in that they are expected by society and women to be resilient and dependable, yet admission of own weakness is required for the self reflection that is essential to growth. It's a defining feature of successful people that they allow themselves to fail and learn from the experience. I would attribute my own early career success to the realization that everyone is winging it, regardless how successful they appear, an ethos I have consciously tried to share with my kids and others. This in turn I would ascribe to me having several good mentors, particularly in Scouts/Church Youth, who placed great emphasis on forgiveness and learning from mistakes - often sharing their own experiences of personal weakness.
With the competitiveness of modern life, particularity in the education system, where failure is punished harshly through social pressure, it's difficult to find the appropriate mentors that allow you to learn and grow from your mistakes, resulting in a crushing perfectionism in many young people, and especially girls. The male self-help in the mansophere often makes similar mistakes, with too much focus on working hard for success and not enough on accepting the repeated failure required to get there. It's not helped either by women that will drop a man at the slightest sign of weakness, or worse, exploit it to their own advantage. These are the times when you need to be able to fall back on solid male friends who will stick by your side no matter what.
It is impossible to think and feel at the same time. The brain can only be guided by logic or emotions, not both. Learning when to shift gears appropriately, is the key