Loving an Alcoholic - 3 Steps to Handle Your Anger
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- čas přidán 16. 09. 2015
- LOVING AN ALCOHOLIC - 3 STEPS TO HANDLE YOUR ANGER // Ever lose your cool when dealing with your loved one who suffers from addicton or alcoholism? I used to as well. Watch this video for 3 steps you can take to control your anger when you feel yourself being tested.
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I will stay. I love him. He handles everything for us. He is a provider and protector. I pray he gets a handle on his drinking.
When I heard you say Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde I nearly dropped my phone. My husband is the most supportive and loving man in the world but when he drinks he turns into the devil himself. I've never loved and subsequently hated someone so much in my entire life. I stay because I know if he maintained sobriety, we would have the most beautiful life. I recently caught him drinking again. Sneaking around his breathalyzer that he acquired because he finally got physical with me. Im devastated and don't know what to do. His grandiose promises of recovery no longer move me. Help :(
Hi Lauren, this is Laurie. That's definitely so hard when a loved one acts one way and then does a 180. When he starts acting in a way that you're not okay with, this is where boundaries (for yourself) are so important. I'm going to post 3 links below (one is about boundaries).
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Thanks for this I have beaten myself up for over 10 years trying to figure out if I should stay or go and I actually have left before several times but I always come back because it’s hard to throw away 18 years of marriage after watching this I have decided just to be at peace with my alcoholic husband realize that I can’t change him and that he will never change himself and just focus on my mental health and taking my problems to God and not vent to other family who don’t really want to hear about it
Please give yourself some grace
Kristen Brady you’re not alone!!!! Same here. Married 18 yrs as well.
Hi, I’ve decided the same married 10 years to my alcoholic husband. I’m a Christian and I have a 16 year old daughter I try to find happiness& peace in her and my faith. I also left twice and came back.
@@allisonb.8492how’s it going for you?
The biggest hindrance in telling people who are addicted to alcohol is that it’s a disease. Implying that I can’t be cured… I disagree with it being a disease my dad was an alcoholic who did it to himself. I’m glad you got away because once an alcoholic you always got a question if they turn back to it
Yes!! It is not a disease!! That's what I struggle with too, so many people say that and I strongly disagree. My alcoholic husband is not the same as someone with a brain tumor or cancer. He is not sick, he is selfish and weak.
It’s a dis-ease, it’s stems from trauma, it’s a slow suicide and destruction of their quality of life, no one wants to be an alcoholic and their trauma prevents them from stopping abusing themselves. As a partner of someone with addiction we don’t have to abuse ourselves, we can’t save them only ourselves
I agree!!! If you drink too much or too often, or so drugs too much or too often you will become addicted. It isn’t like getting brain or breast cancer. It makes the alcoholic/addict the victim once again and make those around them who get angry or fed up with the behavior feel even more guilty.
I’m also not convinced most alcoholics know or feel badly for their behavior.
Thank you and bless you! I love my husband. He hates himself. I've left for 24 hours at a time. I love him too much to leave for good. He needs me.
Kids of alcoholics have quite a ride as well
Absolutely agree...and unfortunately some of these children grow up to become who there model was when they were younger..which sometimes is the addict.
@@marlboroughsounds9710 yes..either they many times become the alcoholic or addict OR the co dependent.
Osmosis and programming.....even when they are DETERMINED not to.
My mom is quite codependent. I am as well. Her mother was the adult child of alcoholics. It really is a multi-generational problem.
Righteous anger says, "Love has been violated!" And it wants to rush in to fix the violation.
Thank you, Michelle, for your sage advice on our anger.
Underneath are the Everlasting Arms. Being still, we can hear FROM God!
This audio book "codependency no more" had saved my Life.
That's definitely a great book! ~Laurie
I was married to a alcoholic. He died from his addiction and my biggest feeling I’ve had is relief. I keep waiting for grief to take me down and it’s just not happening. I still get angry at him though.
Hi Mama Georgio - thank you for reaching out and being here. We're so sorry for all you've been through. Your emotions are completely normal. You've been through a lot and now it's your time to start your healing process. Many women that have been in the same situation also speak about feeling relief. It doesn't mean you don't miss him...but now you can start to think about your future and how you'd like to move forward in it. Take some time for self-care and reflection. We're here for you.
Start with forgiveness
Sad😔
Anger is part of grief
My alcoholic mother died a couple of months ago. This might make me sound like a bit of an arsehole, but I finally feel free. She was wholly self absorbed and narcissistic, always the victim making everyone around her miserable.
It doesn't make you sound that way at all. I'm so sorry for your loss. But now you can move forward with your newfound feeling of free! Make sure to take all the time you need for your healing. You've been through a lot. ~Laurie
Why is it always up to the partner who is negatively affected by it to take action? Doesn't something have to give at some point?
Hi Michelle - thanks for reaching out. That's a great question. One of the things we've learned through all of this is that there's nothing fair about addiction. Having to put up with your loved one's actions and chaos is tough. But the loving truth is: we can't control someone else's actions. We can only control how *we* react to those actions. This is where learning to set and enforce boundaries is so important. Do you currently subscribe to our free weekly emails? These contain blog posts and podcasts plus free tips. To sign up for these free emails, you can either send us an email to Info@LoveOverAddiction.com or click the link below. We're here to help
Michelle Clarkson because they’re weak people were stronger hence not being addicted We have a 6 month old baby I don’t wanna give up but I’m tired he’s pushing me away
czcams.com/video/jLEK1Ya0nT8/video.html great video and illustration/ Analogies. Stay strong!! 🙏🏽 feedback?,
Thank you I have always had hard time accepting my anger. And I understand I need to go to God with this emotion. Thank you I am so angry at him for broken promise. And my adult children are now there too. I am homeless and have a part time job. And my children addiction I fall short of Gods Glory. I have touched alcohol in 9 years. Thank God but this part is really hurting thank I will remember to go to God and let him know how disappointed I feel and anger of the repeated promise that never come to provision. Thank you again
Why americans take so much drugs.
6 children with an alcoholic, wow! I hope you are all healthy and happy, good luck with everything
I'm watching this again a year later
Watching it again in 2022
I found you today and I must tell you I am so relieved to have done so. Thank you for sharing your experiences, kindness, truthfulness, and calming voice. I have new hope in new ways. Thank you - Lauren
We're so happy you found us! You're not alone. We're here for you
I came across your video and wanted to say thank you for sharing something very personal and helping others that have similar experiences. From my personal experience, it can literally turn you also into someone that is totally out of character of who you really are as well...I found it stunted my growth because I wasn't the true women, mother I wanted to be because I was emotionally drained by constantly over thinking every situation and I think because your lying to yourself by convincing everyone around you that life's great when its not can also have damaging consequences on your physical aliments as well. All I can say is all the best to all the women, men and children who live with someone who has an addiction and I hope you all find the true serenity and peace which you all truly deserve.
Thank you so much for your amazing feedback! We're sending you many hugs xoxo
I found out my boyfriend had a drink problem he was a ex soldier he had PTSD. He was drinking in secret we did not live together so he could easily hid it. I was gutted because he was so nice. Deep down I could not put myself through any heartache I had previous bad experience. I wanted happiness not any hurt. I don't think he will stop drinking because he lies. Sad thing was that I feel in love with him. He hid it so well regarding the drinking. I walked away ended the relationship.
That's definitely tough when they hide it, and then you find out. Honoring what's best for *you* is so important. Your well-being and happiness are the most important
@@loveoveraddiction54
Thank you Laurie. Still hurting but it was for the best
What about men who suffer with an alcoholic partner
You would do the same thing
I am just going through this same situation with a wonderful girl who I love, but she has betrayed me and after an amazing Halloween night and feeling closer to her than ever... She left and got drunk, passing out in her car. At least, that’s what I pieced together. But maybe she was with someone? That is the forever lingering problem - trust. Now she is being forced into rehab and we cannot communicate. I am crushed and heartbroken tonight.
We just get left.
@@lunarvision 😭 4th of July and he went back to drinking.
dollface Rosenberg me
You hit the nail on the head an thank you .. so much ..
That how I feel
I’m glad I started cutting down cause I didn’t want to ruin relationships at that I had with family / extended family / friends lover over addiction
Sending you hugs. You're a strong person
What a wonderful video thank you. Most of the videos I've watched the husband is the alcoholic. When the wife is an alcoholic the family dynamic is quite different, however I find your 3 steps are universal and I feel comforted by responding. I will follow your advice. Its the best I've heard yet. It seems even the videos made by professional psychologists make the husband in the relationship the alchoholic. I really wish there were more that speak to the husband about their wives having the disease. I have a need to hear how the husband should handle the situation. Once again, thank you for this sincere video.
I had feelings of anger ,after trying to help a friend for the last two years, to get sober ,I ended up being told by my doctor that I need therapy to deal with this , I have tried to deal with it myself , because if I told a therapist about my feelings of anger and my thoughts ,he or she would probably have nightmares, as of today ,he has made apologies to me in front of the police ,and swears that it will never happen again ,I did accept his apologies, but deep down ,I do wonder if the peace will last ,I am doubtful to be true full
I understand that healing your anger from within let your environment become healthier? I mean your good vibrations spread all over your your life situation with your husband and his addiction? And he started recovering? Please explain it to me... Thanks and blessings!
Thank you for sharing hope 👍
Yesss for God everythings are possible 👑🗺👏❤️🎯🤩
Of only he existed...
When is it time to say enough is enough this is really hard making a decision to leave him after 8 years loosing his job 3 times? There is no abuse or harm to me but the frustration of him loosing his job is huge! Feels easier to let him go but i feel so quilty in faith doing so! Any suggestions please?
If you feel you've had enough then it's probably time, staying in a relationship with an alcoholic enables them, maybe leaving them will be a wake up call to them or maybe not, but put yourself and your sanity first
And ... does he still drink? Confusing. You are happy with him like this?!
wow..thanks for encouraging words.
What if he never promises to get better just continues to grab a can and get more sick? It’s not always us that needs to change they need to hit rock bottom still
I've lived this HELL for 15 yrs with my alcoholic husband. I wanted to believe that Maybe this time he'll quit drinking, lying. What I finally figured out was this, it wasn't going to change if I waited for him to quit, Only when I divorced him did I get Peace and Quiet. I had to be the one who changed my situation. Best thing I ever did!
Did you leave him and go with someone else?
Great information for such a much needed Gap in growth and help for people affected by addiction. However I feel it’s crucial that recovery is given away FREEly. Another channel with potential only to be led to purchase a “system”? Really? Money should be the last concern in recovery and true service. Open a bible, have people with a strong program and be accountable and alanon. What are your credentials? I really want to give constructive criticism but I am guilty of being extremely passionate about this subject.
Hi Ian - Thank you for your feedback - we're also incredibly passionate about this topic. We offer tons of free resources on our website via our blog, podcasts, and downloadable guidesheets. ~Laurie
that’s literally the same thing I experienced
I appreciate your video, but wish you were clearer about the fact that you are not with him any more.
I just had a spouse of an alcoholic as a client.
Looking for resources for her and other spouses of alcoholics
Thank you for the spiritual advice. I just suggested it too .
Love and blessings to everyone.
Thank you so much for your feedback! That's truly helpful.
What is that beautiful painting behind you?
ounds like my future, loving dovorve. At a point even if they are forced or voluntarily went into recovery, there's that need to accept they could relapse in 10 years when you're ten years older. And is it worth it. For me, I think not anymore. Separating soon.
We totally understand. That's definitely a great question to ask yourself about them and the future. We're sending you lots of love and support xoxo ~Laurie
@@loveoveraddiction54 thank you💓💓💓
thank you so much
Thank you for listening! We're so happy you're here. ~Laurie
wow where have you been. I need this
AL- Anon can help look them up
Thanks. Helped a lot ..
... Send this also to others
....
Hi Madelelein (I love the spelling of your name! It's so pretty!). Thank you so much for taking the time to watch our video -we appreciate it so much
Thank you!
We're so glad you found this helpful! ~Laurie
Thank
Very helpful 😊👍
Thank you! We're so glad! :)
I really congrats you.
Thank you for this! I feel like you read my story. Your married with 6 kids...are you still married to your husband you are talking about?
Hi Charlette, this is Laurie. I'll be happy to help answer that for you. :) Michelle divorced her husband that was suffering from addiction after 10 years of being married to him. She's now remarried
such truth
Giving advice can get a addict or alcoholic killed. Share from experience, but never an opinion. Just saying, from my experiences.
I got 8 seconds in and she said it's for women.
Hi Christopher, this is Laurie. While the tone of our content is more feminine, the principles certainly relate to men, as well. In our newer episodes, we've been more mindful to not specify women/men.
Started fine, then you went full God.
Just RUN...RUN FAST...RUN LONG!
THEY NEVER CHANGE...EVER!
If God is so great, why does he make his daughters suffer with drunks.
Smell the coffee and get out.
Codependency is fun?
Dont listen to this, hes burying you in debt, abusing you and the kids, costing you family and friends, and many times, YOUR LIFE!
Pack a bag, grab the kids and go to your mother's.
Hi there - thank you so much for taking the time to watch our video and comment. While we'll never tell someone to stay or leave in their relationship (it's not our place to do so and each situation is different), Michelle did the make the decision after 10 years to leave her ex-husband that suffers from addiction. We always encourage each person to work on their own healing and do what's best for them (and their kids, if there any) for their future. That's always the most important thing.
Aaddicts suck the life out of you.
I love my wife but she HATES herself. She yells at me for not wanting to have sex with her (i never say that and its not true) in reality she is angry because she hates that the drinking has blown her up to 260 lbs. 115 when we got together I still stay, I love her and our children way to much to leave.