5 Harmful Behaviors That Are Actually Your Trauma Response
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- čas přidán 19. 05. 2024
- Have you ever engaged in toxic behavior but don't know why? It could be a trauma response you're not even aware of. Trauma is something many of us carry, and it can impact the way we react to the world around us.Whether you've personally experienced trauma or know someone who has, this video is for you. Let's create a safe space to learn and grow together.
#trauma #behaviour
Researcher/writer: Chloe Avenasa
Editor: Caitlin McColl
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Kzanng
CZcams Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Gillis, K. (2022, May 14). 10 Anxious Behaviors That Could Be Trauma Responses. Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202205/10-anxious-behaviors-could-be-trauma-responses
Greene, N. (2021, Aug 26). The Beginner’s Guide to Trauma Responses. Healthline. www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze-fawn
Klontz, B. (2013, July 18). Are You A Workaholic? Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-over-money/201307/are-you-a-workaholic
LifeStance Health. (2022, Feb 3). The 4 Types of Trauma Responses. lifestance.com/blog/four-types-trauma-response/
"Trauma is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you" -- Dr. Gabor Maté
I like this definition of trauma 🙂
So spot on!
? So it's what happens to you
@@Aderin.its the result. two people can have same experiences, but if that will create trauma for them will depend on the person. i mean the og comment put it as well as i can think to put it..
Whether a person gets PTSD or not seems to depend on what kind of support system they have. Or don't
Social withdrawal is my main go-to. Socializing is just so exhausting, emotionally and physically.
Me too. I don't have friends cuz it is easier not to.
Same
Same
same socialling is pure stress for me
Yep. Anyone else almost cancel this response, finally hitting the button in a near-panic sweat, after retyping a bunch of times? I'm getting better slowly, but texting or emailing is still often the same.
"Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma"
- Robin Williams
Using comedy as a medicine almost killed me. I'm grateful that I stopped attempting suicide and found therapy because it's incredibly traumatizing when one has to deal with waking up on life support 5 times because fate had other plans.
Comedy is fine, but look what Robin did in the end. RIP
Yes the sarcastic criticism of the fact can be too. I'm a humorous person don't throw anything out there that I might grab hold of.
But humor only goes so far. And especially when you're sitting in front of a person that's supposed to be a professional and no more about your thoughts than you do. And then they do nothing or the opposite of what you need to be done. Or expects you to take medications that makes you 10 time worse.
And doesn't listen to you when you do take this medicine that it's making you incredibly sick I'm making you worse. That's not funny that's crazy.
IMO the only laughter that helps is the one that feels light and you feel safe.
Laughter also can be used as an attack when directed towards others or ourselves from agressive thoughts in our minds and that's just the lashing out response.
Depression haunted my life from a very young age, and I was put on a bunch of SSRIs as a child in attempt to deal with it. None worked. Psychedelic mushrooms was brought to my attention. It was the first thing that actually had real effects. They should only be used with great care and respect.
I hear this is supposed to be good for people who have mental health issues. I actually just started the research process of microdosing and all that. Im to the point where I want shock treatment.
My first real mushroom trip 13 grams of fresh mushrooms. suddenly found myself in a world of fractals and melting objects, nothing was real anymore, all impressions amplified 100 times more. Definitely one of my craziest experience
Where do you fetch from?
dr.wheelershrooms
On
I.G
What I’ve learned is that what got me called “airhead” and “head in the clouds” as a kid was probably a freeze response the whole time. Damn.
Same
Yeah, me too
Maybe daydreaming? This is incredibly healthy for the mind ❤😅
@@kathleenchaffin2591 No, definitely not daydreaming. It’ll be a distinct feeling of just being completely detached from my body and my surroundings, no wistful thoughts. Just locked away from the present moment, not able to come back even when I try to make myself.
@@kathleenchaffin2591It's not daydreaming (gosh I hate that word)
It's more like the conscious mind stops functioning and the sub-conscious takes over. I can still see and feel but i loose control of my body and can only with wait it out or fight to get it back.
It's horrible because there are times where it gets really scary like when I'm in mid-high stress situations and I just feel detached from the moment and can't even think no matter how hard I try even if it's to save my own life.
For me it's accompanied by, dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming (this one usually has a trigger and doesn't happen in the same moment of stress or freezing up), brain fog etv
Childhood trauma has really made me see the world as this evil place run by bullies. Feels like everyone’s out to get me and most of the time I feel like I shouldn’t be here. Just wanna get out of here already…
Me too
The problem is that you’re right. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t be here just that you hit the nail on the head.
Same
In order to heal yourself from within you must no longer be afraid of pain. The fear of pain is an illusion used by others to control you. When you no longer fear pain you take back control of your life and become the good force that all living being were meant to be. Giving strength for everyone to rise together.
Or you have the choice to use this fear against others and become what you call a bully to who you believe deserves it living a life a pleasure gaining an illusion of strength and power rather than true strength and power that comes from within.
Had that feeling eversince but i tried myself to be busy like overworking but it didnt work when after pandemic i had my limit i almost breakdown and i had these feeling that i just wanna pop up and vanish but a few people that i love never gives up on me and just stayed there and listen and accompany me even its hard for them and i learned to love myself bit by bit. Nature helps me and taking care of animals and plants help me cope up i become more calm and bit by bit my confidence came back though its never easy 😢 find something that can make you hold on and lessen exposure to toxic people and pray.
I realized how f***ed up I am. I need a lot of emotional healing.
Sending you unconditional love and healing. ❤️💪🙏
Its so hard...
@angelawindom4711 I'm 65yr just now figuring out the letters of my alphabet soup; adhd, ocd, ptsd, and a lite case of autism coupled with being a severe empath capable of emotion collapse at any given time or reason, some days it feels like it's just impossible to function 😜🤪 However : I've got to pretend all is normal 🌄 bouncing back after taking lifes hits 🌅 we learn to sort out the stupid of life and grin from ear2ear on the inside knowing we merit victory but do it quietly 🤫
Highly recommend The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Mate. I have been suffering from the affects of multiple traumas beginning at age 4. I found
my escape mechanism at age 14 when I discovered my sexuality. This eventually became an addiction to pornography which destroyed my relationships,finances, career and body. At 77 I finally realized why I returned to this behavior over and over. I was trying to escape the pain of my many traumas. Many sources of knowledge brought me to this realization. It came incrementally. Dr. Mate was a key link in my chain of awareness.
@@richardlong9785 You are not alone Richard! I know I feel that way alot! I feel like I am the only woman in her 40's that sits home alone on the weekends instead of going out and doing fun things with people...to have friends...I have cut myself off from people and thats crazy because I actually love people and am also a great friend! I want to change this so much! I feel like life is passing me by! Every year another birthday goes by and my life is on hold!
"Does any of this resonate with you" you went down a fucking play by play of things I do for 4 minutes straight, I am in tears.
Let's break down the stigma around discussing trauma. Share a piece of advice or encouragement for others who might be going through a similar journey.
Be real with your feelings. Cry. Pray. Talk it out. Whatever is healthily necessary. 🙏🏾❤️
@psych2go uhm... Does this person has permission to post your videos? czcams.com/video/gTXFfGkkk68/video.htmlsi=WOpKLcb7EHKMIleI
They have alot of your videos😮
czcams.com/video/Vl5Kg-Pw3aE/video.htmlsi=VuVYeeHyNgsYwjdt
Here's my advice: you're not alone. Never ever. You may have gone through the most specific thing, but I guarantee that some character in a story has gone through the same thing, if not someone irl. Find them. Don't distance yourself.
You know who has trauma? Every character in every published story ever, and most people in the real world.
Tell yourself its ok to feel. Its scary, its painful, and it sucks so hard to have to deal with, but shutting off your emotions every time your emotions turn the slightest bit negative is hurting you more than you might expect it to. Experiencing your feelings only in the form of regular panic attacks and having them be the only thing you cant suppress is way worse to go through than crying it out and writing through your thoughts. If you cant cry it put in the moment then you can shut off your response but only until you have time to work through it. You need to ALWAYS work through it at some point, so let it be on your own terms. Stay strong u got this ❤️
Everything changed for me when I was 17. My confidence, goofiness and sunny personality took a dwindle. I now realize it was due to the emotional abuse I was suffering for 3 years from a toxic relationship and a friend group that only wanted to see me if we were getting high.
It’s really really difficult to be myself now and I never tell anybody out of fear I’ll have to explain myself and be vulnerable again.
If anyone’s reading this, thanks for listening.
Something similar happened to me when I was 16, toxic friends, and I wasn't well liked by my class (I had just joined this school the year before). This was very traumatic for me for the next few years. I would always be scared of making friends cause I was worried they'd turn against me and be all toxic. Even after a few years, I still find it difficult to maintain friendships cause despite me trying and putting in efforts, the same is rarely reciprocated.
Now, I feel just fine without new friends to hang out with. I feel it's a lot of effort for mostly nothing. I have 2 best friends from my childhood who I catch up with, and that's enough for me.
On the other hand, I've found online communities helpful, like learning a new language/courses together, discussing a TV show/movie, playing online games etc.....
Good luck on your journey! I hope you find what makes you smile.
I hope you heal and get to meet people who are similar and be able to share and be vulnerable together with them and with healthy people who care, sharing is beautiful and there are people like you no matter what. I too have my own traumas and struggled for a long time alone but when I tried to heal and took the steps for example using EFT Tapping method consistently and becoming more conscious about my emotions etc I tried to meet new people and a couple of them were similar to the traumas I've had so this does work due to manifestation and emotions.
I truly wish you the best fellow human and thank you for sharing your experience in the comments, you did good already.
❤ same
I’m relearning vulnerability to, I’m proud of you for sharing your story.
You can be many things in life. There is no right or wrong. Give yourself the gift of trying new things and exploring different identities. Isn't it strange that you can try a new persona on Halloween and at no other time of the year? Sometimes who or what you are in life gets completely destroyed, but learning to build up again is a great skill; especially if you use it as an opportunity to try something new.
Great! Now I am a Introvert with social Anxiety , depressed, overwhelmed by work, stressed, and also experiencing Trauma
Videos like these don't help things. They're terribe without proper guidance, because what may apply to you doesn't have to, and because it may apply to you, doesn't mean that you're not equipped to handle it.
We all have a framework for thinking. In order to be able to live a more mentally healthy life, we have to become able to slowly and kindly replace our thoughts with healthier alternatives.
So in short: You may now have a better understanding for some of your behaviors, in what ways could this be helpful to you?
I've been in therapy myself and always tried to abstract out the rules. I hope you take this post as intended: friendly, and a kicking off point for what may be a little more helpful.
The social anxiety and depression itself are probably a reaction to trauma. There's nothing wrong with introversion and everyone gets overwhelmed and stressed from time to time. Struggling with mental health makes it harder. Go to therapy
in a perpetual freeze response due to childhood trauma, chronic non-penetrative SA, and most recently, rape. the part mentioned under “freeze” about feeling unable to escape is so true. i face so much panic and distress over feeling unable to escape from places (like other people’s houses), and even unable to escape (being alive in) such a cruel and unsafe world. This freeze state has seriously impacted so many areas of my life, including school, my job, and finances due to decreased earning ability (still can’t manage a full time job due to extreme brain fog and exhaustion) + increased psychological / psychiatric treatment expenses.
i froze during my rape after trying to fend him off and cry and tell him to stop did absolute nothing (and was instead thrown back in my face by him telling me to “cry harder”). I remember just freezing and dissociating so intensely. Then the fawn response kicked in, and to this day i feel so disgusted with myself for trying to appease him - I wasn’t even consciously doing it, it was just automatic, like someone who knew what to do had taken over. I feel complicit.
I hate trauma. I hate being a person carrying trauma within me, becoming a cancer to myself and everyone around me and everything I touch.
I'm so sorry
Don't beat yourself up, you were scared to death. That fawning may have been a survival response, you did not want to die or be hurt worse than what he did.
Do get some help, don't go it alone.
HE has everything to be disgusted with himself about, YOU SURVIVED❤️ I am so sorry that you went through that, and I sincerely hope you know that it does NOT make you any less valuable or worthy of respect and love. You are a strong, beautiful soul and you do not ruin everything and everyone around you…you are not a cancer you are a survivor!❤️ I know how it feels to believe that peoples lives would be better if they weren’t around you, but don’t let your trauma fill your head with awful lies about yourself…you are worthy of happiness and everything you dream of in life!
You poor thing. I am so sorry. Rape ruined my life, early on, and I've never, ever gotten better. I hope you are about to recover like I never did.
All the love, to you all.
It's hard to talk about ❤
Can relate.
To anyone struggling with fawning:
They're gonna love you just the same, even if you aren't constantly revolving around them. In fact, it helps if you're not. And if they get angry when you don't cater to their every whim, then they aren't worth keeping.
You can do it! ❤️
Today I learned I have a fawning response
Think about this: Boundaries are necessary.
There are many people that need to hear this!!!
But I feel, they also need to be reminded of this from time to time.
I think I quit fawning, but still fall back to it when I don't put in the effort.
The thing is, like you said, they are gonna love or like you the same way. But if you provide for them every time, they will get used to it. And the bad people will use this to their advantage and disregard yours. So the best thing is to stop doing it so you can't get hurt even more. Not that all people are bad, but it makes you funerable to bad people. And yes that can be the person you trusted the past few months.
If you find yourself constantly asking others what they want to do when you hang out, start telling them what you want to do. Do'nt think about their financial or social status. It's up to them to tell you that, even if you already know. They have to put in the same effort for you as you do for them, if that' not the case, dail it back.
What I'm trying to add here is: Don't depend on others for the lack of acknowlagement you got, because you're gonna get it hurt. You do you!! It may seem scary but people will adpet to the new and original you after a while. And then and only then you can start to look for the few you're actually gonna do a little extra for.
I grew up fawning over my "friend" because I thought that would help and I got so used to doing this I would also fawn over my good friend probably because I didn't want her to turn on me ethier .
It's hard when it's your parents though.
My life is a trauma response.
😭
right 😭
Speachless-
Aren't most peoples?
Exactly my thought
This makes me cry. I have the 3 symptoms: at first freezing up and fawning (since childhood), and in the last decade: social withdrawal. I keep telling myself that I'm mastering the ability to be alone without being lonely. Yes, when I'm busy with all my projects and hobbies, I feel happy for awhile, living alone and away from others like a true hermit, my best friends are my cats (who will never betray me, I hope...) But deep, deep inside...I know that sometimes I feel very, very lonely. Because nobody really understands me, besides myself... 😢 I am trying so hard to love and accept myself, and to be either stoic or totally a clown (depends on when and where I was) in public, to show others that I'm happy and moved on. And that's one of the reason why I became a hermit, because I don't have to put on masks when I'm alone at home. So people won't know that I actually feel unworthy of love and secretly craving for someone to sincerely loved and cared for this old, fat, wrecked garbage for who she truly was, to appreciate her other than because they need something from this people pleaser... Sometimes I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
I learned a lot from the internet/CZcams, I know most of the theories, but applying it in real life is not as easy as the experts said. I just want to be peaceful nowadays, and not worrying about the fact that I am truly alone in this world...
I relate immensely to everything you said. Just want you to know you're not alone in your suffering.
Prayer helps
I'm crying... I've been fawning since I was born into this world... I need resources for help but I'm scared of accepting it out of fear of being in a deeper hole than before.
Time stamps
0:35 social withdrawal
1:10 lashing out
1:50 overworking yourself
2:24 freezing up
3:10 fawning
Edit:tysm for all the likes:) I never thought I would get 1k! I hope everyone reading this has a good day:D
Edit 2: tysm for 2k
Thx!!
@@smokingmygrandmasashes yw:)
Yes, I've experienced them all.
@@franm.8343 oh I'm very sorry about that,I hope ur doing better now
I was surprise over eating is not one of it, pretty common 🥺
In elementary school we had a teacher that picked out students, me included. She would constantly scream at us, saying we are not good enough, we will never make it. She would even grab us by our necks, pushing our heads on the desk. Nobody believed us and she threatened us to tell nobody. Some students switched schools and my mother moved me one class down after illicitly waiting in front of our class and listening to her screaming. Still this took one year for me. She was at this school for 3 years until other teachers noticed her strange behavior and it came to light that she got fired at 2 schools already. At high school i had a teacher that looked and spoke in a similar way like the one back then and i had panic attacks in her class but nobody noticed. I realized this when I was 22 and long out of school. Till this day i have problems when someone is calling my name loudly and if I have to calculate something right now (she was a math teacher so ..) Even when I accomplish something great I can´t be happy about it, because i get the feeling that I´m not good enough. Sometimes I don´t get my behavior either and i have no one that understands me, I panic when somebody gets too close, and I always think people are not trustworthy because i never experienced a real friendship or something like that. Your videos help me to understand myself more and are a bit like therapy to me. I don´t have a therapist here. Thank you for your hard work!
I'm so sorry you went through that. No one should ever treat someone like that.
Thank you very much♥@@AutumnOutdoors
I feel that, but the trauma was from my "father". He nearly strangled my sister, who raised, me to death, which triggered fairly bad survivor's guilt like symptoms. I can't hear someone speaking above a normal tone of voice without panicking, and if someone grabs me after saying things too loud, I go right into an anxiety attack and start screaming that I'm sorry. I also fall down from fear, my legs just stop working. Trauma sucks so bad
Robert Clancy and other spiritual sites help me.
@@suemoreno5217 Not everyone is religious. Don't try to insert religion onto people who don't ask for it, it'll just make them angry at you
It’s kind of scary how accurately this relates to me. The most traumatic thing I have been through is my dad passing, and yet all this relates to me
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
2:25 I’m glad freezing up was mentioned! That one isn’t talked about enough. Especially when people also talk about “fight or flight”. I always believe there is a third option which is freeze!
What does fight or flight mean in that context? For example: years ago I was in a very toxic friends with benefits relationship. We constantly ignored each other when we were around other people or in social settings because he did not want anyone to know. Today, I am “seeing” someone but he doesn’t want it to be public, especially at work. So whenever we hug at work I quickly withdraw the hug, even if he maybe wants to hug me longer. But it’s an automatic response and I feel like I don’t have my body under control. I would love to hug him longer but my body automatically walks away after hugging him. It feels like a trauma response, too. Is that the meaning behind “flight”?
@lahyte yes exactly a 3rd option. I freeze too and I can't control it no natter how horrible the situation! I don't know why. I wish I could change it.
There's fawn as well. Where the response can be to attempt to calm/placate the threat.
Is it possible to have both freezing and fawning as reactions in different situations? I think I do both. 😅
@@randomtoastyflight is so run as far as you can from the perceived threat.
Long hug sounds like faun, keeping ur wrongdoer happy, to protect urself
I definitely have responded/respond in some form of all of these behaviors. It took me until my late 20s to realize that what I had gone through wasn't just shitty things and bad luck or bad communication. It was constant contact with toxic people and always being taken for granted or being overlooked.
Same for me glad i snap out of it
So relatable! Stay strong :)
I’m another one, slowly learning to stand up for myself by actively avoiding toxic people and their crappy attitudes towards me.
I just turned 24 and now am realizing a pattern I’m constantly creating.
All of the above. Most of my life in freeze response. No one noticed apart from one visit to educational psyche. No help. V poor eyesight. No one noticed. Don't bring up children to be quiet and passive. Shout your life till they notice all children. Good luck all.
I went through a lot of trauma, basically my entire life unfortunately, BUT the positive that came out of it is that I’ve learned how to cope and manage that trauma. Some of the best advice that I can give to anyone reading this and struggling with that trauma is to find something that you love. It could be ANYTHING. Reading, writing, something artistic, going for walks, listening to music. Anything that brings even just the slightest bit of joy to you. And once you bring that joy to yourself a little bit more each day, it helps relieve that trauma. And then when you feel comfortable, push one step forward. Don’t rush into doing anything you aren’t ready for, because it will only set you back 5 steps compared to the 1 you just took. You got this ❤
As a survivor of childhood trauma, at age 51 it is only in the last few months I have allowed myself the graceto see how it has affected me, my behaviors, and my perception of the world. These are excellent examples. Thank you.
My therapist once said that “trauma is not just events, but what occurs inside your body and brain afterwards”. I have PTSD among other things and I never knew your brain was physically changed until recently.
Same. I’m glad you identified what it really is. It’s quite freeing when you realize it’s not “all in your head” and “you’re not crazy.” I wish you the best.
Groups of people who go through trauma, like wars, the trauma actually changes the functioning of the dna of their offspring. Let that marinate. Epigentics is the study of it.
I had a learning disability growing up, whenever I asked for help I was constantly told that I was just “lazy and didn’t wanna do the work” whenever I’d get a bad grade I was punished severely for it, but it’s only because I never received the help I wanted for the material I had issues with. I have a really hard time asking for help for anything now.
If it makes you feel better I'm the same way mostly because my mom wasn't always the brightest tool in the shed and my older brother was always a asshole when it came to helping with things so I just got used to figuring out everything myself and while yes I might not be great at everything I'm proud of myself because at the end of the day I learned it, not always because someone helped me but because I learned to help myself. And I'm happy that I have that very capacity to be great on my own, and even though you probably don't wanna hear it you should be happy too.
I hope you know that those people who said that to you are being ableist. They are ignorant and don’t know what they’re talking about. I’m sorry I know how you feel.
Saaaame. Asking for help is a failure.
@@RIForg no it’s not everyone needs help sometimes some a little more then others but it doesn’t make you a failure. It’s better to get help so you can move forward instead of feeling stuck. I know it’s hard to ask for help but it’s important to know when to.
🙏🙏🙏🙏 I can relate. M
The good thing about these kinds of channels and therapy in general is we get a clearer mirror image to fix ourselves. For example, after therapy, my response from trauma was aggression and emotional instability. I’ve worked really hard and continue to, everyday, to recognize it, dismiss it and see the problems as puzzles, not frustrations. 😊
1. Social Withdrawal ✅️
2. Lashing Out ✅️, Anger ✅️, Sadness ✅️, Fear ✅️ and Anxiety ✅️
3. Over Working Yourself, at work, Yes ✅️! At home I do nothing that doesn't absolutely have to be done!
4. Freezing up ✅️
Dissociating ✅️, Zoning Out ✅️, Brain Fog ✅️, Emotionally Numb ✅️, Decisions Making ✅️ & Taking Action ✅️, Paralyzing Fear of Trying New Things
5. Fawning ✅️
Doing Things You Don't Want To ✅️, Over Apologizing ✅️, Struggling To Say No ✅️, Difficulty Expressing Your Own Needs and Feelings ✅️ & FEELING GUILTY ABOUT RECEIVING HELP FROM OTHERS! ✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️
The hardest part is accepting that something traumatic has happened to you. I blamed myself for years because my feelings were never validated and my abusers were. It took 6 years for those same people to realize what she did to me.
I knew I had major trauma due to many things throughout my life but never knew it could manifest like this.
Yes me either i suffered all these but now im overcoming by loving myself more
Once you can understand why you are the way you are, you can forgive yourself and give yourself more grace. I’m working on that everyday with you.
Depression hurts...
Fawning leads to self-loathing. The misery grows deeper.
I suffered from fawning a lot. I’m getting better about not always trying to please people all the time, especially my girl friend (even tho I try my best to always be there for her and please her when able). Being able to communicate how I’m feeling in the moment instead of internalizing them has helped me a lot.
Very cool also make sure that people who respect you love you will appreciate what you do even if you stop trying to please them They'll stay.☀️
That’s awesome. Sometimes we just don’t know how deep the trauma goes.
Childhood bullying cause me to not trust people or their intentions. Still healing from this😢.
Same. I was taught to trust no one. I stayed away from everyone and read my books.
I was lucky to have found at least some cool girls I could be friends with, besides all the bullying!! But, it stays with you, I know!! And, you shouldn't fully trust people anyways!! Unrelated to bullying, even the people we think we could trust, can end up stabbing you in the back, sadly!!
So I’m not the only one 😢
@@angelsamuel1222 Nope. I am 60 and it takes me a very long time to trust anyone, especially relations.
Makes me wonder, is it good to force kids to go to school if they are not safe from bullying there?
Anger: over what happened, as well as anger at the help that was withheld from you. I can really relate to that. I can also relate to the part about work. I used work to avoid my pain for a long time. I also worked in some pretty stressful and toxic situations, which kept me from healing. Getting out of a work environment like that has helped me immensely.
As a kid, I was fairly well-mannered. But after things fell apart in my family, I was a teenager, I became very angry, lashing out, standoffish, bitter. I don't think this is my true nature.
shoutout to my "friends" who treated me like i was just being lazy and inconsiderate for my tendancy to isolate
This is EXACTLY what has happened since my husband passed away 6 months ago at the age of 38. 😔 I've been completely distanced from anything social, go into major episodes of brain fog/disassociation & am fawning over everyone I come in contact with. Ugh, trauma sucks. At least I can see the issues, though. 🤷🏻♀️ I really appreciate these videos.
I’m so sorry for your loss! May he rest in peace and may you heal🤍🕊️
@@romymasella2702 That's very kind of you, thank you. 💜☮️
Sorry for your loss
I'm sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace.
Below is an article from the National Institute of Health on grief it assumes that the loss was experienced while people are older and have children but it does offer coping mechanisms and it's from a government website so it has to have some credibility.
Mourning the Death of a Spouse
www.nia.nih.gov/health/grief-and-mourning/mourning-death-spouse#:~:text=It%20is%20especially%20important%20to,the%20one%20who%20is%20gone.
Since your husband passed away only 6 months ago it's likely that you have widow fog, aka widow brain. Try googling it, it's a real problem but the prognosis is very encouraging, it's quite treatable.
Honestly, I related to different parts of this video and it honestly triggered something inside of me. My trauma was deep only because I was so young. I want everyone to know that it's going to be okay and you can get better and enjoy life! Everyone has had some type of trauma and no matter how "small" others/even you think it is, it's still something that you went through. It was real to you and that's what's important. Don't ever let anyone make you feel as if what you went through wasn't serious. Also know that you're going to be okay :) you just have to work at it.
That is exactly advice. Thank you
Omg. This one hit me the deepest of all I’ve watched over the years. Thank you. I keep asking for help and I always feel dumb but each and every single one of these points makes sense why I don’t let myself speak really.
Thank you so much, really.
IF this could be possible, could you please post some type of video of how to ask for help or what to show or say, to be heard?
That’s always been the biggest struggle.
But thank you so much for all of these videos. ❤️
I used to have a friend who showed some of these signs. He was very introverted and withdrawn and he would lash out a lot. I had experienced something traumatic during my very l8 childhood and I am currently in therapy. My therapist is trying to help me to get better. I am now afraid that people will scold me and discipline me when I don’t do what they say. I struggle to stand up for myself out of fear that people will get mad at me. I try so hard just to stay on everyone’s good side, and a lot of times I feel like my friends are controlling me and being bossy and I have issues trusting that people will respect my boundaries. Sometimes I feel like people don’t care about my boundaries, and they just want me to do what they want
I feel lucky that I've no one else to support me so I've forced myself to get over it on my own. Now I'm feeling a lot better and have over come all these issues you've mentioned. There is life at the end so don't anyone give up. You can get better.
This video is spot on, thank you for validating me ❤💙💜💚👍☯️
True the only thing im doing now is overworking 😂
I'm so glad to hear about your journey and how you've overcome these challenges on your own. If you're comfortable sharing, what strategies or insights helped you through this process? Thank you for sharing your story!❤
As a person who’s a maladaptive daydreamer who usually fawns, i had no idea these were trauma responses. Thank you
I started bawling my eyes out during this video because I do every single thing said in this.
Me too😢
Omg that is me! Thank you for presenting this video.
I was hoping you can add a video about how we become aware of our responses and how to cope with our thoughts, emotions, and stresses.
During high school, I had two big group of friends, then got rejected by them all for unintentionally hitting on a girl I liked and calling someone a slur, when I didn’t. It flooded my brain with so much guilt and distress that I hide my past self by becoming an emo boy, which I still am.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼💕💕💕
This reminds of a time in junior school, so I was probably like 9 or 10 I'd say. There was a black kid in my class and I once called him a racial slur, I think I'd heard it on TV and didn't realise how offensive it was - like I said we were kids. Let's say...he taught me a lesson and I apologised, knowing not to do it again. Fast forward sometime later, days/weeks, i can't remember, me and the other kids were stood in this little courtyard waiting to go in class...this kid marches up to me, slams me up against the wall and accuses me of calling him this slur again. I burst into tears and tell him I haven't, because I most definitely didn't, not after the 1st time. In fact we'd kinda made friends after that. So I start sobbing and he releases me, then says such and such (2 boys I thought were my "friends") told him I had. I then glance over and see these 2 stood smiling with smug looks on their face, watching the whole scene and felt so betrayed. I pleaded with this kid that I hadn't called him it again, because I hadn't, and he left me alone. But I still remember the looks on those other 2 kids faces. Why would they tell him I used that racial slur again when I didn't? Just to get me in trouble and potentially beaten up? I thought they were my friends. I know we were kids, but they were old enough to know that's a sh*tty thing to do. That was the first time I felt betrayal. I remember it many years later and I know it changed me. I've had trouble trusting people since then.
Anyway sorry for the wall of text, what u said just triggered that memory in me which I thought I'd share.
Bullying has changed its form from name calling to accusing someone for name calling. It’s still bullying.
@honkosaurusrex6552 Imagine the trauma of being called racial slurs simply for existing as a black child.
@nomdeguerre247 I'm fully aware of that, but I wasn't at that time. Don't preach to me when you clearly didn't comprehend what I said. Like I said I was about 9/10 and heard the word for the first time on TV. I said it when we were messing round just playing. I was a naive child and said it ONCE out of childish ignorance and stupidity, not realising how offensive it was, not out of malicious racism. I was just repeating something I'd heard, as kids do. This was over 20 years ago to give perspective. Anyway, I quickly learnt my lesson, made amends with the kid and everything was cool.
But what those 2 "friends" did - accusing me of doing it again when I hadn't? That wasn't childish ignorance, that was purposeful maliciousness. Betraying me and potentially getting me in big trouble when I was innocent. There's a big difference between what I did and what they did. People make mistakes, especially kids, and I learnt from mine. Theirs' wasn't a mistake. The way your short but triggering comment puts it, makes it sound like I was a grown adult fully aware of what I was saying (that ONE time), which I wasn't.
So I don't need a lecture from a stranger on something i completely understand. And who the hell do you think you are trying to invalidate an experience I had and the trauma it may have cause me? Which it did. I learned from my silly mistake and paid the consequences. I didn't deserve to be accused of that again. That's what forgiveness is about. Especially for a dumb kid who didnt fully comprehend what he was saying. You've got some nerve swooping in here with your self righteousness, when I just thought I'd share a very personal experience. I suggest YOU think about what YOU'RE saying next time.
I used to notice a couple of these signs in myself a bunch about 2 years ago. I remember I used to almost straight up become emotionless anytime there was an argument between a couple of my family members (mainly my dad and my older brother, they’re nice but both got big ego,) there was one time I randomly zoned out in the middle of a conversation with one of my cousins (it was one of the weirdest feelings ever,) I’d daydream a TOOOON throughout the day, especially before I went to sleep too keep from ruminating on how absolutely horrific Attack on Titan is, and definitely had a harder time making decisions for myself, mainly on what I was going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner if my mom or dad didn’t have anything planned. Now a couple years later, all of that has died down considerably. I do still have a little trouble trying to figure out what the hecc I want to eat since literally NOTHING IS NEW and I find myself still daydreaming before I go to sleep. Honestly though, there are sometimes when I’m actually kind of glad I accidentally watched AoT 3-4 years ago. If I had never seen AoT, I wouldn’t be into horror games as much as I am now, I would never have daydreamed so much and made up amazing stories that I still love looking back on, because of the constant daydreaming, I love writing now and am working on a really cool fanfic with one of my besties, hecc, I would never have even created my persona! All the cool interests I have today are because of a silly scary thing I watched when I was younger. It’ll always be a part of who I am and I’m okay with that 💜 (sorry for the essay lol)
Glad you share your own experience it helps. Daydreaming before sleeping is a nice thing to do for our mental health acc to psychologist and i also do it eversince i was a kid coz when i experience trauma i had no one to tell about it and to endure it and move forward i had to condition myself to do a different story in my head where im the protagonist so after that i can sleep well and do my studies and act like it never happened so til then its become my coping thing when i had a bad day so i wont think much of the bad things.
Thats so nice..
The truth is, I have all these toxic traits except for overworking myself, especially when I'm in a situation I can't handle. School work has been stressful lately, and to be honest, I'm tired of it all together. When I fail, I break down and spiral into a place where I don't easily get out.
I socially withdraw myself and physically punish myself by not eating. I see myself as incapable of anything and end up thinking I'm so useless that disappearing might be the wisest decision.
I lash out at others without meaning to, and instead of overworking, I drown myself in a sea of CZcams videos just to get my mind off the problem at hand.
I'm too nice for my own good, so when I lash out, I break down into tears, say sorry, and run away. After that incident, I try my best to make up for my brash response.
I run away when people confront me about these issues. It's not that I haven't told my friends, but I feel like talking to them about the same topic every day is tiring.
I don't want to wait for them to say it themselves, so I stopped altogether. And it's progressively becoming worse every day.
What do I do? I feel like giving up. I can't talk to my parents about it, and I think telling my friends again will produce more problems rather than solving the existing ones.
Should I just disappear? It seems like a great option. I don't know; I just wanted to rant.
I have CPTSD from a chaotic childhood and parents who were in volatile relationships who abused and neglected me. Almost all of these show up when I get triggered and even when I don't feel like I'm triggered. I have a hard time expressing my feelings and I have social anxiety so bad I used to have meltdowns over doing everyday things. If you have trauma but are undiagnosed, you are not alone! Highly recommend therapy and learning how to regulate your emotions and unlearn behaviors used for survival in traumatic childhoods.
Felt like a callout post and brought me to tears - I've been struggling with my mental health for close to 6 years since I developed depression at the early age of 10 - I'm currently 16. I was diagnosed MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) 3-4 years after the depression started to develop and a year or so after that, I was diagnosed with Autism as well. Ive been treated and medicated for my psychological issues ever since. However, I cant help but feel like it isnt enough... I can't ignore that this video resonated with me deeply - most of the behaviors in this video felt like someone made a video after spying on me my whole life and it hit me hard to know I'm still so broken. Lashing out, being very aggressive, afraid of people getting too close to me, overworking myself because I can't simply sit for 5 minutes without my thoughts overtaking me and causing horrible anxiety, being so afraid and sad because I can't connect to people because of how i am - its debilitating.
After all these years, I still havent been referred to a therapist and I think that's a big part of why I'm still struggling so badly. I've been trying to go to therapy for over 4 years but to no avail. I'm trying my hardest, but I can't seem to get anywhere with a lack of proper resources, mainly tied to an incompetent therapist's office refusing to refer me and on account of my insurance being cancelled suddenly and making it hard to refill on my psychological medicine, worsening the issue at hand. I was manageable before my insurance decided to cancel, but now I'm an even bigger trainwreck.
Im trying not to lose hope that I'll someday get the help I need and finally be able to lead a normal life, but day after day it just gets harder and harder to keep staying hopeful. I don't have it the worst, in fact im relatively lucky - i have friends who understand me, friends who have known me for years and would back me up for years to come no matter what I was going through, but I still deal with debilitating anxiety of losing those I consider my closest friends because of my aggressive personality. I want to keep trying, but im not sure what good it'll do. I'll do it for the chance that there's a me in the future who will thank me for my effort.
Anyways, sorry for all that 😭its nice to get it all out once in a while haha. Thanks for reading and I hope your day is going alright. Whatever youre going through, keep going. We'll all get through it together ❤
Is there a school counselor that you can trust ? Is there anybody that you TRUST?
May I suggest you something? You could try out somatic exercises. Maybe this will help you.
i relate to all these videos so much i wish i didn’t because i don’t like being traumatised
Please do not forget that this does not define you as a person, it only means you need to do some work in order to live a happier life
@@mariafromgermany well a lot of these videos kind of just make me feel upset, don’t worry though, i am trying to feel better
No one does buddy. I hope you heal with time
@@marklouis1890 thank you so much, i’m glad you care
@@MOVEDCHANNELLLSS you are very welcome. I've been experiencing a similar situation
...eyeing anyone that looks important, and making sure they're not about to attempt something malicious that would be an abuse of power. If they act too suspiciously, leave before they can zero in.
I can't thank you enough for posting this video. I can relate to everything said in this, and it is bitter sweet. Tough but important to understand why we are the way we are. Which brings me to a bunch more questions. But I'm sure I'll figure those out along the road of life.
just the fact you think you'll figure it out means you will def figure it out cuz not many such people have will to heal tgey are stuck in a toxuc cycle ,,, i am rooting for you ✊
It is never a quick fix and everyone follows a different path to self- realization. If you want it sincerely and don't give up trying you will find it. "It is never too late to be what you might have been" George Elliot
I'm 77 and finally free. Despite all the
pain I want to say at the end that I've had a wonderful life. This is happiness. This is freedom and it is indescribable in words. ❤
Yeah, I checked all of them. Childhood trauma is really something I had unknowingly suppressed for years. However, I am healing myself and surrounding myself with people who truly care about me and my well-being.
Good job👏It's wonderful to hear that you've found effective ways to manage and navigate through your experiences.
i got bullied, beat up a lot in grade school for stupid reasons and i made the mistake of not telling my parents our close people about it, even til now. it made me see the world around me differently, its like i constantly feel the need to steer clear from people, thinking they would harm me. ive been struggling with the 1st, 3rd and 4th behaviors as shown in the video, but watching this made me realize why ive been like that
Recognizing trauma symptoms is fairly easy. But finding a therapist who is actually any good at helping someone manage it is the biggest challenge.
I think for me, social withdrawal and freezing up are the main two I see myself doing, but I also saw some of the fawning response in myself too as I remember being over-apologetic in the past.
My motto: It is better to be alone than with BAD companions!
The last two hit way too close to home. I always freeze up when I feel like someone’s disappointed with me and feel my eyes tear up even if they aren’t actually mad. My parents always had a common saying “We’re not fusing at you” and tbh most times it felt that way to me. And the last one, I have a heard time telling people no and pleasing them before they ask me of anything. I thought maybe it was because I was introverted but I would more than often help others when they wouldn’t help me. Say yes to things I was very uncomfortable with and I still feel awkward asking for help. I’m slightly better now but I still feel like I don’t speak up enough. Even if I do people get surprised by it and it always makes me feel weird for it.
When I was in an abusive relationship O did all these things. I still have a tendency to flup back into some of the behaviours if i feel threatened or stressed. It's something tou really have to work on. I went through EMDR therapy last year to deal with my C-PTSD and it was LIFE CHANGING. If you struggle with Post traumatic stress I highly recommend it. I was skeptical going in but it's the best thing i've ever done.
I discovered this channel for the first time yesterday. Suddenly, I'm getting more of the videos. And it is right on time. Thank you so very much for these videos. They are extremely helpful and I'm subscribing right now. This one hit me particularly hard.
I just learned my situation is worse than I thought. I always felt like a lone wolf and always had issues trusting anybody, have been unable to get an actual social circle until I was in my early 20s, not to mention Ive always had a phobia of approaching women. I thought I was getting closer to meet someone/ move forward with my life, and I realize I have waaaaay too many things to fix😅
It's called being human friend. Try not be so hard on yourself.
That puts you ahead on your healing path & as you move forward you become a safe and caring partner/to/be
1. Social Withdrawal (0:35)
2. Lashing Out (1:10)
3. Overworking Yourself (1:49)
4. Freezing Up (2:24)
5. Fawning (3:10)
Have a lovely day, thank you for the information road! ♥
The world is indeed a DANGEROUS AND DISTRUSTFUL PLACE
Fawning and freezing up is my most common response to people randomly talking to me, or just talking to me I’m general
Timestamps
1). Social withdrawal 0:35
2). Lashing out 1:10
3). Overworking yourself 1:49
4). Freezing up 2:25
5). Fawning 3:09
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
👍
I unfortunately went through the trauma of having fake friends for 6 years who gaslighted me and wanted nothing more than to watch me suffer. I’ve hurt a lot of people because of how it’s changed me :(
freezing up, fawning, and social withdrawal tend to be my go-to harmful behaviors tha tI need to learn how to cope with. I was never really given any sort of boundaries, and was often seen as "too sensitive" or "overemotional", so my issues were downplayed to the point where I just learned to ignore them...
Wow, everything was on point in describing me. It feels better to be seen today in my recovery and find videos like this about Trauma. I've been one to mix alcohol with it amongst other drugs to pacify my own feelings of guilt, and feeling a burden to others with my health and my past with leaving my abusive husband. Sober 9 and a half months now. Stay strong my fellow warriors. It does get better after the realization and it helps to forgive yourself to be able to take it one day at a time. ❤
You said understanding these things can help us understand ourselves better...but I think it also helps us understand others better. It makes me feel more compassion for those that express anger and I think it will help me not be as reactive toward them.
Oh no. I relate to all of the mentioned atributes. I overwork myself a lot, a have a big fawning response to litteraly everyone because I'm scared they'll leave me, I have lashed out at my loved ones and at myself a lot in the past to the point where it ruined a prior relationship I had with a group of friends, and now instead of lashing out I freeze because my prior relationship has made me think that freezing and being as non-threatening and passive as possible is the best way to do things because I'm scared that I'll be abandoned if I speak up for myself. And yes I also do often retreat to fantasy as a coping mechanism. Occasionaly entertwining with my other coping mechanism of looking at cute things (usualy animals or fictional beings with animalistic features) being happy and/or acting silly. And I did withdraw socialy throughout most of my life as well.
This whole video describes all the crazy things I can’t understand why I do & don’t do certain things. I felt like I was broken. I’ve been through a great deal of trauma in the last 10 years. I lost my mom, my dad, my husband, my cousin, 2 Aunts & my best friend, it’s been unreal, everyone in my life is dying off like flies. I went through a Hurricane alone top floor apt, I was literally in a tornado that almost destroyed our town, I was in my bathroom in dark, as the tornado tore my apt apart. I lost almost everything including my car. I knew I’d changed but didn’t know why. This video is unreal, it describes it so well.
Huh, so i have been traumatized this whole time 🥺🥺
I have a freezing problem whenever I get confronted. It has become better, but it still happens a lot in my relationship.
I have most of these trauma responses but I can't even tell what traumatized me during my childhood that made me like this 😂
I did prolonged exposure therapy and it helped me. I never knew how harsh my sa was as a 6 year old child. It formed some kinds of “physical” and “mental” responses and I’ve learned to accept them. I hope you get the help you need, the internet can be a blessing just like this video. Stay encouraged.
Same! I'm sitting here pondering that myself.
While in intensive therapy I realized that I had "black holes". No memories. Then the night terrors started. Memories that had been suppressed started showing up. Some of them are still just glimpses of abuse. The trauma is real even when the memories of why are missing.
Everybody responds differently to things. That’s why no two children have the same childhood. What one can consider trauma, another doesn’t. If you can’t pinpoint yours, it could have happened before you even started storing memories. It’s just the pain embedded in your subconscious. I wouldn’t have considered myself abused until one day I was able to look passed societal surface traits or normality and realized that they don’t make up for the way I was treated. Just because I was financially taken care of doesn’t mean the way my parents raised me wasn’t downright CPS-level abusive.
@@2cats24GOD theres a thing for that, theyre called repressed memories
I've figured out that whenever I've had a truly traumatic event, I've been in shock for some time afterward. Interesting to see your explanation.
All of the above for me. I am so glad that I now understand that all I
have been experiencing and why I act, react, and respond the way I do...especially in certain situations and with certain people.
My ex-best friend was the one who helped me through trauma at the time. She made me feel loved despite my emotional baggage, didn't care about my trauma, and taught me to have faith in others.
The she went on to defend the guy who r*ped me, accused me of lying, then broke off our friendship and used my childhood and recent traumas as an explanation of why I suddenly became unloveable.
She is now a therapist.
That was almost 3 years ago, and I'm still struggling to let people in, and still battle everyday with the belief that I'm unloveable because of all my trauma. I really don't have much faith in myself, or people anymore.
I'm learning too. You Are loveable, you are loving, you deserve love, YOU ARE LOVE!
Have you ever had anyone that invites you to their place but as soon as you arrive, they rage and demand you to get off their property by threatening to call 911 if you don’t stop “harassing & stalking them” unless you leave right then and there? Along with threatening to call 911 for “trespassing” if they ever see you again after banning you from going anywhere near them despite telling you to meet them beforehand for a friendly get-together? Yeah, same here… 💔
No but I have been invited to places and then when I get there, their body language and attitude feels like they didnt want me there.
Ouch, yeah that’s unacceptable. It’s cruel when people play these crazy mind games, especially if they say you’re the crazy one for not “getting the message” smh.
This makes so much sense, I find myself freezing up when in situations where I need to take accountability with my words and actions. I want to heal to better my life…
I've never had a video describe me and my life more. Thanks for putting it together. ❤️
TIMESTAMPS :
1. social withdrawal 0:35
2. lashing out 1:10
3. overworking yourself 1:49
4. freezing up 2:24
5. fawning 3:10
Ty!!
Thanks ⏲
I really feel the social withdrawal, freezing, and fawning. I used to love having my friends over at my house as a kid, and somewhere along the line, it just wasn't enjoyable anymore, and I slowly stopped talking to my friends. As for freezing, a recent example was when i went to dinner with my abusive mom who i hadn't talked to in years, and as soon as she opened her mouth to talk to me about my childhood a fog just settled in and I zoned out the whole time. I was lucky my sister was there to keep the convo going or else i probably would've had a panic attack. And as for fawning, I rarely ever express my opinions in front of my Dad and his family. I know I'm going to just get treated like a moron since we're on opposite sides of the political spectrum, so I've found its just better not to talk and just nod along whenever he's talking about Joe Rogan or Donald Trump or whatever.
I love your voice. It makes me feel calm and at ease. Makes me feel heard. Keep the good work up on sharing mental health. You are beautiful.
This made me realize I do several of these things, and my world view has definitely been affected drastically. I'm very different from how I once was. I did learn a lot!
The way you described Freezing has resonated with me a lot more than I was ready for. I've never even thought of my spacing out and indecisiveness in that way, but it explains so much.
I related to all of these. Part of me feells like "great, I am more f-ed up than I think", part of me feels "how do I have so much trauma? my childhood wasn't that bad". But mostly I am glad I watched this video so I can bring up these trauma responses with my therapist and if I truly do act out in the ways mentioned as a trauma response and not just a personality issue, I can work with her on getting past the traumas.
Another one i would add is not being able to take criticism in any way. Because it leaves you vulnerable.
People don’t talk about freeze & fawn enough & it’s so important to have empathy
All of these apply to me except for the lashing out. Depending on what stimulation/trigger it is i do one for this and another for that. I have been learning these things are trauma related for some time now and have been trying hard to work through/around them with the help of family and my therapist. Its a struggle but so worth it especially because i have many other types of responses to trauma such as forgetting the trauma which makes it harder to identify and deal with. To everyone out there struggling with their trauma responses, you've got this. Its hard as hell, but worth having the release, relaxation, and ultimately piece of mind and self
I’m glad I scrolled through the comments. Your comment has given me genuine hope that I too can overcome my trauma response. It’s easily the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I want to do this and need to honestly. I need to get back into therapy and better myself. Not just for the sake of my well being, but for the people I care about and love as well.
Hey there, Psych2go. I can really agree with social withdrawal and lashing out. On a previous video, you saw me commenting on the differences between the western and eastern values. I grew up in that battle all my childhood- my parents are from eastern background and yet bred and educated me in the west. We'd have argumenta over clothes, going out with friends and relationships, namely that they were authoritarian. They weren't supportive of my LGBT identity as a teen and nor did I have the freedom to go to sleepovers, go out regularly with friends, go out alone with my male friends or have any relationships. It was just a plain big fat NO. NO negotiation allowed in our home. Nontheless, my parents insisted I was a spoiled child with no boundaries just because i started to stand up for myself and wear what I wanted. Not only did they berate me, but my toxic mother brought back my abusive father to torture me and my clothes were the end all be all- I had to dress the way my family wanted or get harshly punished. I was overly restricted, there was no to little negotiation and I was ALWAYS HARSHLY punished with no negotiation. I had no choice or opinion for even minor things like clothes or hair. Whatever it was, my parents would clock up a fuss and make it look as though I was some sort of curfew breaking drugster, rather than a normal teen who just wanted to express herself and socialise! Then, at the same time, they would complain about me not being social and lacking social skills; CONSTANTLY berating me for my tech use, especially my dad. Before I went through bariatic surgery at 15, I was body shamed by all my parents and family members and no matter how many boundaries were set, it continued. I went out of the country and was abused and restricted like HELL by my relatives. Now I'm an adult, I still live with my mum, however we've set that boundary that she can't control what I wear or do outside the house. I have more freedom to wear what I want and do what I want, freely, no judgement. I'm currently busy re doing GCSE and I need to get at least all C for an apprenticeship after 1 1/2 year which will last 1 year then I'll take about 6 months to settle into my normal adult job, learn deiving and find a good room and bathroom or small apartment in a good place near work for me to live in and commute to and from work. Within 3 years, I have a clear perspective and plan. I'll be on my own two feet with my education completed and a good job, knowing how to drive and having taken full control of my own life, by getting a part time job during GCSE for experience and save up once my studies settle and I can ease off subjects. This is a clear, step by step three year plan to get on my own two feet, out the house and fully out of my family's grasp and control, an independent and self sufficient young adult. Whenever I have involved police or authorities over the situation in my house, they have been supportive and considered my complaints and desires reasonable. But my family members or any eastern family friend have always been quick to judge and react due to that mental health stigma and lack of understanding for boundaries pervasive in eastern culture. So I've just come to understand that I need to keep to my western support system and therapy and focus on building my life as per my values. It'll be ocer and done with in a few years. My mum isn't and can't restrict me now and I'll be out and independent within a few years, having saved up enough with the necessary skills and experience. Nobody can stop me, dictate me or question me once I'm happy and on my own two feet. Then after a few years, I can see about partners and getting married to start a family- always valuing their independence, never treating them the same way!
P.S. Im getting my own Psi and Psych2go shirt and book. You support my mental health so I want to remember you every day of my life and in a positive way as I move forward with mt concept and goals clear. These are some suggestions of videos from my side:
1) Self care ideas.
2) How to muster the courage to report abuse.
3) Eastern society and its mental health decline: Why academic pressure does more harm than good in the long run.
For the last title, let me share my own perspective. As a child, my parents always pressured me to academically excel and forced me to get admission to a grammar school. They'd yell at me, take me to tuition and force me to study with my cousin for 10+ houra a day when I was just 10. I didn't want to. It led to power struggles. Even once I had passed the exams, it wasn't enough, I had to repeat further exams. I passed all of them but it wasn't good for mt mental health. When I finally got into a grammar school, my atudies and mental health took a major decline for the worst. I had decided, look, I've had enough of this pressure. I don't care anymore. My grades began dropping and I went from perfect student to below the radar, the worst in the class.
My parents continued assigning tutors, belittling me and even forcefully sitting me down with them. But since I was angry for all their force and academic pressure, nothing worked. They gave me a cell phone very late at 13 whereas all my friends had them at 10-11 and, weirdly enough, my friends whose parents gave them a cell phone earlier, gave them freedom to go out and didn't abuse them, all of my friends were motivated to study and go to school and did quite well with grades. So you see, the eastern concept of academic pressure is totally wrong and harms mental health, family relationships and even grades in the long run. As you can see from my own story, force never does it. Ambition comes from the heart. It's not a now or never thing. Some people just aren't academically inclined so you can't force it- mental health is important. This is a main reason as to why mental health issues and suicide are far more prevalent in the east than west- due to this wrong culture of stigmatising mental health and enjoying younghood and the toxicity of perfectionism and family values. The west values individualism and the west succeeded in ways beyond the east. You won't find people moving from west to east. But thousands migrate to UK, USA. Better law, better culture, better environment. Psychology these days is also based on western philosophy and, as an eastern myself, I find western philosophy very right and powerful. Jordan Peterson has a lecture on why the west is the best. To each their own, whatever they follow, but as a British Pakistani, i value and follow mty British culture within certain religious boundaries. I value certain concepts of eastern culture and sont disregard my family even though they were abusive, but I have built my values and life around western values just as long as they stay within my religion.
Wow! You've gone through many things.. may you find peace ✌. And as an Eastern, precisely Indian, I agree with you to some extent ( I know my opinion doesn't matter, but...) yeah there is still mental health stigma here, tbh, it neither increased nor decreased. I hope the situation changes..
What’s even more messed up? i can’t even identify why i have trauma. I’m afraid of socialising and escapism is my go to emotion.
It’s been going on for so long, I can’t even identify where it stems from anymore
Thank you for making this real. I don't lash out, but I do everything else.
I have been in denial of my trauma but I am slowly realizing what happened and how to feel and it sucks man
Hey, it's totally okay to feel the way you do. Recognizing and processing trauma can be a tough ride, but the fact that you're slowly figuring it out is a big step.
@@Psych2go tysm honestly ♥♥♥
No matter how much people talk badly about how my mother treats me, I know she just went through the same thing as I did with her parents so I don't mind being treated like that. As long as my parents comes first.
The freeze thing touched me so much, the video made me realize that is a trauma response. I never realized that I was masking whenever I was talking to someone.
Well, thank you for this. I relate to all of these. My life has been trauma. Thank you for helping me figure out why I've been so angry. As well as all of these...
A lot, if not all of these behaviors are very familiar to me, or OCs I've made in the past. Some freeze up, too scared to do anything with others for fear of harming them. Others hide their feelings with elaborate emotional masks, thinking that telling others about what they're dealing with will result in making things worse. Even one of my characters tends to overwork and cater to everyone around her, to both distract herself and hide her horrendous past. Seeing it all in a 5-minute video really struck me, especially since even fantasy characters have real trauma responses, with real documentation of it occuring..
This makes way too much sense. And I sadly can relate to most of these. People in school wrecked my self-esteem and ability to socialize and my workplace has added to that. On top of that, the past few years saw my grandmother (my last surviving grandparent) and my Tae Kwon Do teacher die. They both meant a lot to me.
Granted, I’ve done things that, looking back on them, I’m not proud of. And those added to my shame and guilt.
I’m trying to open up and really process things and try to get a decent support network.
You explain trauma so well that everybody can understand why people act how they act. You helped me with this so much. I understand now that i lived in the freeze for decades and now i know why. Never going out even if i was a pretty young woman.
Same. But I am 26. Do i still have hope? The trauma and bad moods are just overwhelming at times.
@@no-empathyy-lynn-molment Yes, if course. You are very young and there are so more knowledge today. Read the books of peter levine bessel van der kolk and deb dana stephen porges and gabor mate. Use neurofeedback andcsearch contact to people that have already really heald from trauma. EFT and IFS -therapy are great tools and schematherapy. Dr. James Cameron is a wise mentor too. So do not give up and fibd slowly the way out. Care for good food. The internet is ful of brain healthy food.
Ashawanga and gaba and melatonin can help you a lot.
There are many many things that you can put all together and get the solution step by step.
It takes time and the right nentors and the right methids but then you will heal. Trauma is to be brojen untill we put the pieces goid and nuce together and with the new design you will be totally fine. It will be different but it will be good and ok.
I know after a trauma, it's difficult, but you have to get back on that horse and get back to living as you did before the traumatic event. Thank you for sharing this, God Bless You and stay safe 🙏 ❤️