being skinny is the ultimate manifestation - exposing how the world sees us
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- čas přidán 17. 08. 2023
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This podcast episode delves into the idea that being skinny is the ultimate manifestation for women to get what they want in life. It argues that being skinny is not just about looking good or fitting into a certain beauty standard, but it is an inconspicuous signal of high income, cultural capital, and resource and time freedom. Moreover, Elle discusses how women are policed for wanting to fit into contemporary beauty standards, and how this pursuit can actually benefit them in terms of profiting from the world we live in. She argues that women should not be ashamed of wanting to look a certain way or to fit into certain beauty standards. Instead, they should make decisions that expand their choices and allow them to reap the benefits of the systems that were meant to subjugate them.
Throughout the episode, Elle emphasizes that the pursuit of beauty and thinness should not be seen as frivolous or embarrassing, but rather as a means to an end. The ultimate goal is to create a better life for oneself by attracting the right people, accessing better opportunities, and securing higher income. Elle presents the argument in a supportive and encouraging way, urging listeners to make choices that will benefit them in the long run. The episode also explores the economics of thinness, highlighting how much it can pay off for women to be thin. It provides real statistics and examples of how being skinny can be more financially rewarding than having a master's degree. Elle urges listeners to take advantage of this reality and to be strategic in their choices.
Overall, this podcast episode presents a unique perspective on the pursuit of beauty and thinness, arguing that it can be a powerful tool for women to get what they want in life. It provides thought-provoking insights, supported by evidence, and encourages listeners to take control of their lives and make choices that expand their choices and opportunities.
Keywords: podcast, women, beauty standards, thinness, resource and time freedom, systems, opportunities, income, economics, kate moss, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels - Jak na to + styl
5 life rules that we need to learn!
1- eat healthy
2 - have a good sleep
3- put yourself first
4- believe in yourself
5-Read the book Womens magic truths on borlest, it is the best book I have read and from which I learned how to be the best version of myself!
I started working out after realizing my body was a reflection of my lack of discipline. I addressed my issues, and now I am reaping the benefits 💖
love that from Leo 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
Good on you! Here for it!
Girl yes!!! Boss b*tch status, we are here for it 💎
The smaller you are, the more space you're allowed to have. When I was skinny, I used to jet through the crowds and people moved TF out of my way. When I got fat, people did not move for me and glared at me if I wanted to go near where THEY WERE. BEING FAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DISCIPLINE BUT WHO YOU CHOSE TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE IF YOU ARE 19+
I love that, never saw it like that thank you for sharing
Unfortunate hard truth. I lost 30lbs and I went from invisible to random men spamming my instagram messages, catcalls on the street, and women even complimenting me/being passive aggressive at my change.
In Korea they say "the best plastic surgery is weight loss".
same i lost 40 kg and suddenly i’m wanted
What's vital is to lose the weight while you're in your 20s, maaaybe max 30s. Especially if it's a lot of weight. A few kilos is no big deal as an older woman, but not a lot. Because there's nothing more aging in this world than losing a lot of weight when your body does not have the elasticity/elasticity-producing stuff to sustain it. It will age you so much, you're better off staying fat.
@@anka6356 not everyone is the same and this is purely a physical take. It is SO important, no matter your age to have a healthy body. If that means losing 60-100 at 40+.. so be it.
@@lashe5 completely true. I work in retail and there are stick thin women who come in 30-40+ and love how they can fit into kids clothes. Obviously millennials so it makes sense.. but the benefits of thinness last far out.
What's crazy is that it doesn't take a lot of weight loss for strangers to treat you differently. I was down from 290 to 250 and it make a big difference in how people treated me. On a short frame, weight on looks like a lot more, but weight lost looks like more lost as well.
It's disgusting how men are either oblivious or cruel to fat women and then call a woman "frivolous" if she wants to be thin
These males are cruel to attractive women too.
And what are you doing telling these males any
of your dreams and goals? what are you doing
@@falsehoodbasher7240 I'm not telling them, I have heard men make rude comments around women who are dieting. They also make rude comments around fat women too. It's like men are rude and nasty or something. Don't know why that wasn't clear
And then call us shallow when we want to date men that we’re attracted to and what we’re attracted to just happens to not be them
#notallmen
We're all people. And like all people, some of us are aware of our preferences, and also strive to treat everyone like a person. I don't need to be sexually attracted to you to understand your humanity.
@@falsehoodbasher7240 I responded to this years ago and I guess it didn't stick??? I have never spoken to a single male about my "goals." I am referring to other people in a very general way. I also weigh 116 lbs, so being thin is a reality for me and not a goal. Your comment doesn't apply to me and makes very little sense altogether.
This is soooo true. I was thick, got skinny, got thick again and got skinny again. People are definitely predictable.
Im curious what felt better thic or skinny?
Yes so true lol
@@aishamalik2282 Skinny. It also makes you more confident. Clothes feel and fit better.
I just realized that I slowly gained weight and I’m feeling so down. I don’t want to be slim thick I want to go back to slim skinny and super skinny. I’m 5’1 128lbs but before I was 120-122lbs last summer. Definitely going to be serious about getting this extra weight off fast. I’m even considering taking Ozempic to help speed things up!
Don’t take Ozempic honey. Try fasting and walk like your life depends on it.
"we are not here to compete with men," l love that.
💅🏽
Absolutely preach 🔥🤌🏻🙌🏻
We are not here to compete with men but envy still exists between the sexes
LOUDER
I'm sick and tired of feminism which is all about making men the standard for women to reach
Why not? If I'm not interested in actually being with men (because I see them as our enemies), I can compete with them in certain areas.
My dad was the only bachelor in his senior community. 200 single women, cuz women live longer. My dad was only interested in 1 woman, Betsy. Betsy is 71, she has good posture and a snatched waist (I think she still wears vintage girdles.) Not prettier than the others, just thinner. Men still beg for her attention. Betsy ain’t mad. Dad gives her anything she wants and she hardly will sit on the same sofa with him. It’s wild.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 still laughing at Betsy not sitting with him 😂😂😂
@@tinachristine4573 she'd be losing the comeraderie of 199 women for one man. He'd have to be some man.
Betsy the Baddie… definitely goals
Go ahead Betsey! GOALS!
That’s the truth. In my mother’s retirement community, there are 5 guys total, and 2 of them are there with their wives. The 3 guys pursue my mother. Despite being in a wheelchair, she’s a young looking 72-year old widow, was a model before she married my dad, and she maintained her appearance. She doesn’t want anything to do with them in that way (my dad was the love of her life)! When she tries to play matchmaker and set them up with other ladies in the community, they straight up say that they don’t want them because they’re “too old-looking” or “too fat”.
You don’t always get positive treatment, you get a lot of jealousy from it too. I lost a lot of “friends” and “family” when I had my glow up.
True! But hey I bet you love what you see in the mirror lol that’s all that matters
True... Even my best ppls just stopped talking n being with me after i have my glow up.. n when guys started asking me out my childhood besties left me n they were the one who talked ill about me without any reason..
Never knew changing my appearance would change 15 yrs of frndshp this way..
I’m happy that you lost those people who were not happy for you when you started shining. 🌟
You actually saved yourself years of misery by them leaving and fleeing back to their dark enclaves. Well done. 👏👏
I’m happy for you that you lost those people who were unhappy when your light started shining. You saved yourself years of misery by them fleeing back to their dark enclaves. Well done.
I’m happy for you that you lost those people who were not happy for you when your started shining. You saved yourself years of misery by them fleeing back to their dark enclaves. Well done.
Being skinny is 100% life changing. It definitely brings both positive and negative attention. However it did not change my life as much as therapy and feeling good with myself and in my own beliefs and boundaries. Dressing modest, well dressed/maintained and being loving and feminine was by far the greatest transformation I experienced in regards to myself and also other people.
Yessss, really wanting the modest dressing to trend
@@Jayladewhy do u need to wait for it to trend? Weird
haha no I've been dressing modestly for years, just wish it was merely more in style. @@user-us3jy2mb5r
That’s all that I want 🥺 I was so insecure that I couldn’t find real love until I lost weight. Then I gained weight and found someone so I thought he truly loved me but it turned out it was I just idealised him, and now I’m back at being scared of losing weight and not be loved at my lowest
say that again? that made no sense@@AngelicWitch444
Looks DO MATTER. Your appearance tells the world how you treat yourself. Your mental and physical health affects your appearance. It's that simple. When you respect your well being, everyone else respects you. Beauty is most def power.
.... and beauty fades 😊
@@SkyePhoenix It does not
@@jobunny919 come back to this comment in 20 years, hahaha. It abso-fucking-lutely does. Reality's gonna hit you like a ton of bricks.
@@Alex-mc5ynwear sunscreen everyday, exercise, eat relatively healthy but don’t stress about it. Don’t let a man stress you out, don’t have kids if you don’t want them, and don’t work a stressful job. Then it doesn’t fade.
It's a power but it's not all that as some women tend to put it above all other virtues. But how you maintain yourself is saying a lot.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Looks matter. Do not be fooled, no one will be young forever.
Do not build your self worth on a foundation that vanishes over time. No mater what society tells you, you should look for a deeper meaning and purpose than a beautiful facade.
Why do y'all merge beauty with youth. Women of all ages can be beautiful.
@@Orangelemon167male conditioning aka Johnny Depp gets voted sexiest man alive at 50 while women’s perceived attractiveness is tied to being young as that implies fertility.
@@Orangelemon167no. Beauty vanishes with age let's not kid ourselves....some more than others....and some get lucky and age nicely. However that's not the norm.
@@tinag7506 I don't agree with you
Beauty doesn't equate youth...aging doesn't mean that you're ugly
As someone who lost 50lbs in 2019 and went from a USA size 14 to a size 6 - the social benefits of being skinny ALONE are worth it!
when you said "the number one thing men are afraid of when they meet a girl on the first date is if shes fat, whereas a womans biggest fear is she comes up missing" before you said "if she comes out missing" I was in my head thinking "If hes short or bald" LOL but ur right
You don't like bald men? I think they're super hot. Balding, on the other hand, is not.
I don't give a flying fork if a guy is short, but bald is a no for me. See, women have different opinions...
@@WynneL Exactly, and it's ok.
Pretty privilege is real, I went from obese to skinny tomboy hair to long rapunzel hair and I’ve never been treated better in my life fr
"Being skinny as a woman is the ultimate manifestation to get what you want in life" Well summarised! so true
Youth too. A 40 yo plus skinny woman isn't a super hot catch in this system either
@@isisneteru1013Still more of a catch than a 40 yo non skinny woman
@@rubycube4115so freaky real and true!!!!!
Some men like older women
@@SummerSun-sg3wf Yes. The ones with good taste 😉
“Women are policed from doing anything to profit from the patriarchy” she spoke the truth. Ladies let’s welcome each other to the winners table and profit from the system that would subjugate us 🧡
@@ineedhoez YES! The prohibition of sex work does not make logical sense. It's men gatekeeping women profiting or 'winning' in ANY way from their desire. To me it boils down to masculine terror that women will gain power.
The truth is that Men are well aware of how poorly women have been treated historically. They're afraid women will treat them as badly, if given the opportunity (personally, I don't think we will)
One thing to consider is that people are motivated in different ways. The mentality of working out to 'fit the beauty ideal' has an oppressive feel that will not motivate someone who craves freedom. Its better for some to mentally envision a scenario where they are not starving and doing grueling work in the name of oppressing themself but rather in the name of loving themself, respecting themself, and honoring their value, treating themself like something that needs maintenance. I think this helps to explain "strength" as a reason to workout- you are providing yourself a stronger life foundation.
i was very average looking and then lost a lot of weight and became super skinny. I will say, people treated me way differently & i attracted a lot more attention. But it’s not always the attention I wanted; yes, being skinny has brought me a lot of opportunities but I had to also put in a lot of work mentally to stand my ground, develop confidence, & be able to distinguish who has the right intentions quicker. I made the mistake of thinking just the physical change on the outside would solve my problems & got carried away by the new “attention”. Just thought id share my two cents, great video!
Agree. Not all attention is "good" attention. All the best to you.
Tbh as a plus sized/fat woman... it's really at the core of it about how YOU are feeling about yourself. Often times fat people, especially women, are internalizing the negative things we've heard from others while being bigger. So once someone loses weight they start feeling better about THEMSELVES. And thats where the different treatment is truly coming from at its core. Detach from how the world percieves you, how family and peers perceive "people like you" whatever that may be..and create, build and percieve yourself only. Nobody creates your experience unlesss YOU allow them to by giving your power away.
Great lesson❤
As someone who lost a ton of weight from being sick and then developing an Ed I actually have gotten better treatment from being a healthier weight than super skinny. Plus maintaining my thinness was always on my mind. Take care of yourself everyone
to each their own! This was my story, that is yours. both can coexist, as long as we find what works for us!
Probably because you LOOKED sick
Yeah, it’s true that being “sick” is off-putting. I acted like a fricken weirdo when I was deep in my unhealthy obsession w food and weight. People want people to be thin naturally and not have to worry about it.
@@no.6377Not everyone is conventionally attractive or thin. It’s no big deal - you more than likely have other traits that are great. We can’t have it all and I really hate the narrative that we ALL have to be pretty and have a great body - because not everyone can or will. Ever lol
People typically like normal range I think and less extreme unless its a preference or fetish lol, but it shows youre healthy so naturally men are attracted to it genetically. I’m about 10lbs over weight. I work out tho like 5 days a week often unless its exam week like now, and even though I’m thickish, I got a fat ass and I look like I’m strong and confident because I am and ppl like it. I’m not too hot I’m a threat so girls are super nice to me now. When I was skinny and looked like a model (im a bit older now) women and even my friends secretly hated me or were just straightup about it and I didnt know why. Now I get it haha
I went on a date today with a below bare minimum low effort man and girl I’m so glad I’ve been watching your videos because I know it’s not me, it’s him, and I’ve deleted the dating app I had and will now focus on myself. He turned up hungover, despite me saying we could reschedule, and this was our first date. Thank god for you Elle, bless you. ❤❤
Ewwwwww, he couldn't even be sober for a potential lover??? I swear to God, just 🗑.
So glad to see younger women understanding market value of women in the patriarchy and using to their advantage. As a 43 y/o divorced woman, young ladies please put yourself first and don't let people lie to you about reality and how this world works. Make sure you use your fem., your youth, your beauty, your intelligence to your advantage because if you don't this world will eat you alive and spit out your bones 😜
Divorced females giving advices
@@Frivals They always have the best advice for what to look out for!
i'm happy this is being talked about. i have a huge hot take on this - please don't come at me I'm just sharing my honest experience so people can know it exists for some women. i spent the first 27 years of my life wasting so many of my thoughts "wanting to lose weight" - not really VERY overweight but always had a bit extra I wanted to get rid of and it bothered me consistently. I simply just wanted the life experience of living life in a thin body to see what it was like. turns out, I actually love it. 2 years ago I finally lost all the weight and have since kept it off. I am very thin now, size XXS/00 which is often hard to find and even sometimes 00 is too big. I wholeheartedly feel more confident being thin. I no longer look in the mirror and don't like what I see and it's so refreshing and confidence boosting, it's actually made me really happy. I feel like I can go shopping and buy anything I want. I love to express myself with fashion, and now I feel free to do so whereas I didn't before because I didn't like the way certain outfits made me feel. I feel like my body proportions look good, it's just my bone structure. I also spend way less money on food and I still eat foods I love every day. Once I reached my goal weight, I actually don't desire as much food as I did before because my body fills up on less, so I honestly feel like I generally can eat whatever I want and not "get fat". It's been shocking to realize that this is actually possible. I definitely say this with caution because everyone is different, but I never hear about people like me, which is why I am sharing this. Becoming skinny 100% improved my life and made me happier, PERIOD. my life isn't perfect but i am very happy I decided to choose the life experience of achieving my dream body.
and for anyone wondering how I did it- I'll be creating a YT in the next year sharing my journey. I'm laser focused right now on my current business first (YES BESTIES GETTING PAIDDDD) - I'll post back here!
How did you do it?
@@alectrateri if I may share, I have a similar experience to the first comment. What really helped me Kickstart my journey was read good sugar bad sugar by allen Carr. The rest then fell into place by itself. When you are slim and skinny you want to look good and keep your look, so working out and being serious about self and skin care then also came along with that
No lies. I presently lost 20 pounds and just returned to work. Ppl have literally told me they can’t stop staring at me. Being thin is almost like being rich or famous lol and I can say this because I’ve been as small as 103 and as big as 153, measuring 5,1. I’m still going to keep loosing weight. FYI, I had to control my hypothyroid issues ❤
Congratulations on your weight loss! 🎉 Don’t worry about telling your story. You’re telling the truth that some people don’t want to hear.
i feel like “skinny” has become an umbrella term for women with small waists. As a woman who is actually skinny, i don’t feel like my body is considered aspirational in this day and age. the true standard is “slim thick”. and even though beauty standards have “evolved” i think the one thing that has remained constant for the past 200 years is that your waist must be small.
edit: guys, *curvy women with tiny waists like marilyn monroe ARENT SKINNY* They’re curvy women w small waists. It’s different.
I so agree with this. Small and snatched waist somehow has more weightage than perky boobs and ass.
This is only true on online and in media, in the real world there are men who love your shape and search for it, always remember this! 🫶🏽
yes it’s a waist to hip ratio that is assessed
Yeahhh lol I wanted to comment this.. Apparently "skinny" here means small waist, big breasts and wide hips.. Not the actual naturally skinny women.
I disagree I am very interested in being typical (90s model ) skinny. Because I noticed that black skinny women get treateda lot better by wealthy men.
Being fit is the ultimate status symbol. I’m average size - working on being skinnier.
I'm fat-sized- working on being average size...lol.
Me too.
Tbh as a plus sized/fat woman... it's really at the core of it about how YOU are feeling about yourself. Often times fat people, especially women, are internalizing the negative things we've heard from others while being bigger. So once someone loses weight they start feeling better about THEMSELVES. And thats where the different treatment is truly coming from at its core. Detach from how the world percieves you, how family and peers perceive "people like you" whatever that may be..and create, build and percieve yourself only. Nobody creates your experience unlesss YOU allow them to by giving your power away.
@SwearWerdDebris My mom has a friend, she is in her early 50's. She is fat with an hourglass figure. She is the most fun, feminine and friendly person we ever met. Men on the streets are crazy about her. When we go out for a walk together we see how much attention she receives. She even got in trouble with a neighbor who was stalking her, he said she has a strong sexual energy. I agree with you that personality and self-love has a great influence, but I also think that not all body types carry weight well.
You’re right! Being skinny has opened so many doors for me. I am at an elite college and I have observed that my looks and taking care of my physique makes a massive impact and the intelligence is just a bonus.
Yikes 😬
Tbh as a plus sized/fat woman myself... it's really at the core of it about how YOU are feeling about yourself. Often times fat people, especially women, are internalizing the negative things we've heard from others while being bigger. So once someone loses weight they start feeling better about THEMSELVES. And thats where the different treatment is truly coming from at its core. Detach from how the world percieves you, how family and peers perceive "people like you" whatever that may be..and create, build and percieve yourself only. Nobody creates your experience unlesss YOU allow them to by giving your power away.
"The intelligence is just a bonus" - well, shouldn't it be the other way round...? 😳🤔 What a hypocrisy... From all sides we're told that it's the INNER VALUES that matter, not the physical appearance... Society SUCKS... 🙈🙈
That speaks more about how "good" that elite college really is if all they're interested in is having graduate classes made up of pretty students that may or may not be somewhat smart too.
❤
Being skinny makes your life way easier.
I am skinny and “thic", my mother says that its a “desirable” figure for women, but because of it I've always attracted unwanted attention and people staying cheap stuff about me behind my back, its terrifying and ugly. That's the reason why i stopped going out and started isolating myself, but why should i hate my body because of them? Why should a women bend because of society, no matter if ur thic, skinny, overweight, its never a pretty experience, you just gotta love yourself no matter what it is❤️
When you realise that negative comments from men are them being into you but being ashamed to express it.
People have done the same things to me and I'm skinny with no butt and no boobs.
Losing 150 lbs changed everything for me. My life is just better. My own sense of self is just better. Thank you for being the kid pointing at the naked emperor! I'm so sick of the fake "self love" movement which is just a death cult full of crabs in a bucket.
So proud of you for losing all that weight! A lot of people have a hard time doing that but you did it!!!
Can confirm . At 25 I was at my heaviest and got minimal male attention from undesirable men.
At 30, and 70lbs lost, I get a lot of things for free from men of better quality. Including a ring.
Its maddening but she's being real.
How u loss it?
@@wtch4446 calorie deficit and exercise
A ring IS not a Flex!! 😂😂😂 Been there done that!!!
@@Roller324sometimes the ring actually ruins your life
Tbh as a plus sized/fat woman... it's really at the core of it about how YOU are feeling about yourself. Often times fat people, especially women, are internalizing the negative things we've heard from others while being bigger. So once someone loses weight they start feeling better about THEMSELVES. And thats where the different treatment is truly coming from at its core. Detach from how the world percieves you, how family and peers perceive "people like you" whatever that may be..and create, build and percieve yourself only. Nobody creates your experience unlesss YOU allow them to by giving your power away.
This is diamond information for us: 1 week before your period, you must start working less. Prepare for more relax time during the period. After your period you have more energy. But yes..I took notes on health and hormones for women.
Where can i get more information like this?
@@smallypuppy22 by researching this topic yourself
What do you mean "working less"? That's not an option for a lot of us..
@@Kat31017 Working less as in ..dont give your all..take longer breathing pauses..go to the loo more often...ve alone and dont talk too much..rest time...
Lol, working less a week before and during? So, basically, I would only work at my full capacity for 2 weeks in a month. Not viable at all.
I read somewhere that in NY: the smaller the girl, the bigger the apartment.
Lol 😂
The smaller the girl, the bigger the bed feels
You’re SPITTING. I can’t tell you how many counselors and dietitians I tried explaining this too. I decided to stop explaining and start doing instead.
🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
I'm a counsellor and talk about how we live within the reality of society
@@captainman2clever351 I wish my counselors had been like you cause I got tired of explaining the same shit over and over
I want to be a dietician so what do you want to hear from one? I completely agree with this video btw, but I feel like I would get canceled if I said this to my patients
@@iclandiccubicle2798 that makes sense the professional space probably isn’t safe to say it so I have no advice but I just feel it was not helpful to ignore or minimize the reality of how your daily life quality is directly impacted by your weight
I was invisible when I was fat! I lost over 140lbs and my life has CHANGED! I love being slim. It’s the best feeling in the world. I know you’re not meant to admit that but I love it!
How did you do it?? Congratulations!!
ive been skinny my whole life, and i felt unwanted many of it because so much about having a thicc, hourglass figure, of at least big thighs. im embracing my figure but just cuz when you genuinely accept yourself for who you are and do what’s healthy for your body, then you attract whats aligned with you
thissss thank you for sharing 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Take it like this. Thicc is a trend that is slowly decaying away with the Kardashians. Slim will always remain a "classic". Everything looks good. Your body can probably get away with wearing more risqué clothes without looking like you know what. Capitalize on the power of being universally appealing! Don't get mad get P A I D 😂❤
I understand you. Here’s what it is there’s skinny and slim thick. It needs to be clarified. Slim thick has wider hips and bigger bust and a small waist. There’s skinny women who don’t typically fit this ratio and this doesn’t really apply to them all the time. They’re also judged and ridiculed. I know.
@@minuit6305 (plz ignore my spelling lmfao) Being thin hasent always been classic before it was often* godly/soft feminine look like imagine beyonce sadly nowdays curve somehow always is seen as something erotic as a archetype instead of feminine this depends on the country but becouse of the clothing culture, even the dresses people used to wear would display a curvy figure in eroupe where people tend to be on the slimer side eugenics lead to beauty standards changing aswell as other factors like one size clothing. And what was in durring the starting era where models often were underweight out of being poorer there now its also a exlusivity thing its a bodytype thats hard to achieve outside of puberty (similar to slim thicc) models are often young combined with the height giving a bold androginous look. The slim look is probably also partly the result of modernism + our male centered society. Also what is concidered risque is based on what slim people can pull off a less slim person can lower the skin shown and try to go for a similar level of exposure.
@@cocosnow-rv2np Yea I understand. That's why put "classic" in quotations. Everything you said I agree with. But alot of people in today's society are either uneducated or don't care about the past and what curves actually meant. They only care about the here and now and how it benefits them. Being slim seems to be the thing that will always remain a "classic" in our society and we all need to get on board and make it happen. I'm looking for a good partner and I know that if I want to have more opportunities I can't continue to look the way that I do.
I am an obese girl watching this and im trying to lose weight so I can fit the ideal one day. I hope I can be able to so I can be as successful as you guys. It has not been easy as I work at the hospital and get worse treatment from doctors and nurses because of my weight.
Good luck girl don’t lose hope !🤍
Bestie you will get there. It’s going to be tough sometimes and also feel so so good when you’ve reached a milestone you’ve set. You got this
I used to be overweight, and I always look back and wished I loved myself more even when I was thicker (and wasn’t so harsh on myself) cause she needed love too. Even after the weight loss,
I still struggled with truly accepting myself. Sometimes it’s not always about the ideal, and it’s more about enjoying the journey even when it’s hard 😭😭 all in all, give yourself love no matter what “ideal” or not. you’ll reach your goals!!! I manifest the best for you
@@kristinanguyen7256this is beautiful💓
@@kristinanguyen7256yup. being skinny means nothing if you don't love yourself and have no confidence. that's why fat but confident women are wanted
I lost 40 pounds age 20 to 21 & my life changed to be better by 10x
I realized this early in life. I was fat af and treated completely differently from my skinny sisters. I lost alllllll that weight in my freshman year of college. I went from a size 10/12 to a 0 and then I became the “pretty one”.
I remember walking into a restaurant needing a job at 20. I was hired on the spot as a hostess, no experience no application. I simply asked “are you hiring?” Boom. Instant job.
A very obese girl walked in behind me a few minutes later and asked the same. She was looking for a server job. The restaurant owner immediately told her “No we aren’t hiring” when in fact they were looking for servers.
That’s heartbreaking. I feel sorry for the girl
You just discovered that the water is wet
I used to weigh 140lbs and I got so much attention from men. People would stop me in the street and tell me how attractive I was! 140lbs might not be “skinny”…but I had low body fat and curves. Men and women used to comment that they thought I was beautiful. Women would tell me they were jealous of me and everything.
Fast forward to now and I now weigh 238lbs. I’m basically invisible. Men don’t look at me. My friends all started ignoring me. People look at me with pity because I’ve gotten so overweight. Men I’ve been involved with romantically have treated me TERRIBLY.
Please listen to this wise lady. She is telling the truth about how society will treat you if you are a big girl / boy. It’s incredibly lonely and as somebody who has been on the other end of things, it’s awful to suddenly become invisible. I became obese after a few traumatic experiences in life, but I’m now currently healing myself and on a mission to become healthy again. I will get there.
It’s been 5 months and I hope you’re doing better already
Fat not big
❤❤❤❤
Be kind to yourselves. I am now in my 50's .
Was super thin and super strict.
I got very little, bar loving myself in the mirror.
I had no period for 27 years.
The health issues WILL catch up on you.
Floating around being thin never filled any hole in your life.
This is not a reason to be unhealthy or fat.
Get a life of wisdom and beauty.
Set new standards.
Edit.for clarity, my BMI was 19. I was not medically underweight, and never looked anorexic, just 'fashionably slim', considered very disciplined, and manifested the 'careers of my dreams' which were only suited to very slender Women in most situations. My bodytype is 'natural' in Kibbe system and am 6 foot.
If you didn't have a period, you were underweight with an eating disorder. That is not what shes talking about, no nuance Nelly. Sit in the front.
@@violetvixxxprovixen6682 she’s not a no nuance nelly, she’s explaining her story and the dangers of getting sucked into the diet mindset. one should not promote being skinny without also being aware of what could happen if you go too far. many models, actresses, and dancers are encouraged to neglect their health to reach skinniness. everyday women do the same. by shutting her down for what she said, ironically you’re the one shutting out nuance.
@@violetvixxxprovixen6682 As a real (NOT-no-nuance-) Nelly i have to say: You don't have to be underweight to "lose" your period. It's like looking at your BMI seeing your are at "overweight", but not thinking of the fat/muscle problem within the BMI tracking... You can have the ideal BMI, just eat clean, having a high metabolism, but/and not enought fat in your body. For woman a little bodyfat is actually important. For example: One of the biggest problems of professional fem athletes is absence of period. And they are high on protein (and even fat) in their diet. (Women do even need fat to build up muscle faster. Works better on us than on men.) But they still have less bodyfat than they need. They just can't produce estrogen and progesterone anymore. You do need bodyfat for that.
For some woman it's just not healthy in that way to fit some standart. Get as close to it as possible but don't overdo it.
And personally - Please:
Don't just make a diagnosis. That's disrespectful. No Bestie Behavior -> No-nuance-Nelly Behavior. Learn about things before you trie to judge someone (you have never seen or don't know personally). Or better don't judge at all over someone that is opening up, telling her story... (Don't get mad, get paid. Paiment in this case = Learning about your triggers/others perspectives)
Better look why you feel triggert about it.
Have a nice day.🌻
the difference of how I was treated at 150 pounds and 120 pounds was insane
OMG, seriously, why is this the first time someone's saying this? I'm naturally skinny, but sometimes I catch myself slipping and gaining all this unnecessary weight because I'm not eating right. And you know what's weird? Everyone's always like, "Just love yourself, it's all good!" But honestly, that just stops me from actually taking care of myself. It's like, we can't deny that how we look actually freaking matters, especially in this messed up world we live in. It kinda pushes me to step up my game and become the best version of myself so I can actually get ahead. Don't get mad, get paid!!!! 💰💪
For real. I ruined my once naturally beautiful body because of so called body positivity. Somehow if I don't want to stuff my face with useless processed sugar junk food I have a bad relationship with food. It is so hypocritical.
When I was younger, I was the Queen because I was skinny. Now that I wear XL men make fun of me and treat me like shit. Im not angry anymore. Play the game. Dont be mad at it. I started to exercise better. Not more. Just better.
I hope u know you don't deserve to be treated badly, I'm kind of in the same boat. I've been chubby my entire life with skinny friends and I hate the way that I'm treated compared to them. Im doing this bc I don't want to be angry anymore
Same, I grew up thin and people worshipped me, oh how spoiled I was lol. I'll get back there after I pop this third baby out lol :)
Once your skinny you can start laughing at them for being broke.
@@evaphillips2102 Once I am skinny, I do not even think of them as an option.
Pretty skinny life is the life for me. Thank you, Elle. 💕
😮
😮
Tbh as a plus sized/fat woman... it's really at the core of it about how YOU are feeling about yourself. Often times fat people, especially women, are internalizing the negative things we've heard from others while being bigger. So once someone loses weight they start feeling better about THEMSELVES. And thats where the different treatment is truly coming from at its core. Detach from how the world percieves you, how family and peers perceive "people like you" whatever that may be..and create, build and percieve yourself only. Nobody creates your experience unlesss YOU allow them to by giving your power away.
@@SwearWerdDebrisI’ve gone from overweight/obese to average weight and holy hell people treated me differently. I was still the same yet all of the sudden men were interested in me and women complemented me. Before, I was ignored. Being skinny or atleast skinnier changed my life.
Got curvy and all the sudden I got my period back. Thick, well nourished women are Strong and healthy. Don’t wear makeup except eyeshadow for fun. The way I opted out-I started offering services from my heart that only I can offer. If people want what I offer they have to look past any judgements about my looks
I would like to point out that the “work out to be strong, not thin” campaign and just the general mindset tapped into the desire to no longer feel the pressure of beauty standards. You go to the gym to feel good inside and feel strong and not care about how it makes you look. I was a professional ballerina, which is like gymnastics combined with beauty pageants and the saw franchise. I did HORRIBLE things to myself in order to fit the beauty standard. And I did profit from it. I was a pro. I also have a laundry list of permanent physical ailments that will never get better and likely get worse as I age because of my career. I’m 26. My ballet career is over, but the damage my body sustained achieving that beauty standard is still hurting me. I used to go hiking almost daily (I live near a trail). I didn’t do this for fitness reasons at all. I love being outside, I love nature, I can hike the same trail every day for years and it’s so peaceful and comforting. I only hike a couple times a month now because of how badly it aggravates my Achilles tendinitis. There are trails I wanted to climb my whole life that I just can’t do now, so I never will. This is one of many fitness activities that I really love but is limited because I achieved “excellence” in another area. I also can’t eat spicy food because of the severe bulimia I had in order to stay ballerina skinny. I genuinely love exercise. I love hiking, skiing, yoga, TRX, skating, swimming, and dancing. I would have so much more enjoyment if I wasn’t so obsessed with how I looked, not just because of how ballet damaged me, but because I would have more fun if I could just focus on the activity instead of also making sure I burn enough calories. It’s unrealistic to be able to live under patriarchy and also let fitness be about yourself and not fitting a beauty standard, but wanting that doesn’t make you a pick me. I also don’t think it’s frivolous to achieve beauty standards with cosmetic procedures, shape wear, and surgery either. I’m just saying that the idea of working out for no other reason that you want to is incredibly appealing. I know that if we lived in a world where there were no beauty standards attached to fitness, I would still be a very active person, and I’d be a lot happier and deal with less chronic pain. I’ve been really trying to focus on the positive aspects of fitness that aren’t attached to my appearance for the last few years, especially as my physical capabilities get more and more limited with age. And I have to in order to protect my mental health. If I spent my life trying to become the 100lb ballerina I was when I was 18, I would literally die in the attempt.
Yes I feel this! I hope you’re okay sending love ❤️
Hey Elle I want to say thank you for speaking on this! My whole life I was overweight. And then I got scary overweight for me and my body. I was up to 426 lbs. I took control of my life and poured the love I gave to everyone, into myself for once. Now I’m happy, fitting in normal clothes like I always wanted to. My dream was to be able to go to a mall and shop at any store. I’ve never had that til now bestie and I’m 39. It’s amazing! I am so thankful I took back my life. I am inspired to help other women do the same. Sending love and light to all. You can do this! You also don’t have to do this! It’s your choice sis. ❤
Ps I weigh 191 ❤❤❤ I can’t math it’s like 235 lbs down ❤and my goal is 180.
YOU ARE ✨AMAZING ✨
@@sabrinamba450 you made my morning!!! Thank you queen 🩷🩷
You welcome sis😊😊I hope that you've reached your goal by now, and if not yet, just keep pushing. You got it . Even though we don't know each other, I believe in you and I'm sooooo proud of you and what you've accomplished. I wish you a good and healthy life.
Have a blessed day Queen 👑!!!!
@@sabrinamba450aww thank you sis ❤❤❤❤ I took the pressure off losing weight and now I’m focused on my gut health and toning up! Sending you good vibes ❤
Wow. I am impressed. You must feel fabulous.
I enjoy your videos so much. I have some points to make for anyone that cares. I’ve been ‘tall and lanky’ all my life. But Im a melanated woman and grew up in the south so it wasn’t something to brag about. I got teased a lot for it (you could never bully me it was just annoying.) It wasn’t until I became very physically I’ll and was wheelchair bound that I began to appreciate my once able body. I got better and immediately started modeling. This is when I noticed the ‘value’ of being skinny (I was in NY and LA). 2. Fast forward I am one of those girls that works out to feel better and maintain mobility. I use cycle syncing and listen to my body. In the beginning of my workout journey I found myself trying to fit certain standards of beauty and ‘build a body’. But that’s difficult to maintain. Women are cyclical beings. I just want to be healthy. 3. Women collectively have the power to shift the male centered paradigm if we really wanted to. It starts with investing in self and creating the version of you that brings you the most fufillment on a personal level. MEN WILL ALWAYS FOLLOW WOMEN BECAUSE WOMEN ARE CULTURE CREATORS. Men are also magnetized by HEALTH AND VITALITY. If enough of us realized our power and value we could quantum leap into a more favorable reality. Skinny is attractive but men are attracted to anything that breathes. If you want a man swooning over you be the best version of yourself mentally spiritually and emotionally . Love your vids! Thanks for the lesson ✨
- Kweeni
Yes queen 👑
Men are even attracted to things that don't breathe like corpses. Male attention means nothing
i started dieting 40/40/20 in a slight calorie deficit w/ walking often. my waist got smaller and what happened was i ate “differently” rather than cutting everything out and binging, restricting, and rapidly losing/gaining back the same 10lbs while essentially looking the same. i realized if your diet is constantly in your head, it’s bc it’s not something you truly believe in doing. 20 down now!
How long did it take you to lose 10 pounds? ❤️ and how long did it take you to see any changes?
@@f.aaa1 generally speaking, the common advice for sustainable weight loss is 1 lb per week. You don't need to be in a huge calorie deficit to do this, so it's much more sustainable in the long run than crash dieting for fast results.
So if you wanted to lose 20 lbs, it would take about 20 weeks. That might feel like a long time at first, but 20 weeks is about 5 months. Less than half a year to see some significant results, with dietary and habit changes that are small enough to not feel deprived.
Such an important message. I also feel that my life got genuinely better when I dropped my extra 5-7 kilos and became skinny. Reading good sugar bad sugar helped a lot because following it reset my nutrition, which helped loose a bit almost instantly and also improved my wellbeing and skin in general. When I reached that I naturally wanted to preserve that and improve my beauty in general, so workout, skincare and just look after myself. Dressing up is so much more fun now knowing that it actually looks good instead of worrying if I look a bit too chubby.
I remember seeing a street interview where guys were like "i prefer to date someone who's fit or slim because it seems like they are more disciplined instead of dating someone who's fat, because it seems that they lack discipline in other areas of their lives" i was quite offended at the time, but they were so right 😅😅
Yes at some point you have to be honest with self and that what weight means: lack of discipline. We all have hard times and it shows on the outside.
But what about when you age and you don’t fit the beauty standard regardless… probably better to let go of placing so much value on your looks as soon as possible - and by that, I don’t mean not looking after yourself or your appearance. But finding reasons to workout other than appearance is way healthier, because you have to ‘opt out’ eventually, or you’ll be forced out
This comment!!🎉🎉 Intrinsic motivation always lasts longer, and theres always younger and slimmer right behind you.
My understanding of what Elle is explaining is that women should be honest and aware when they choose to play into a system (the patriarhcy) that has been designed to restrict them and their self-actualisation. By fitting into the ideals of the system, they gain the highest advantages/quality of life permitted by said system. While it's easy to see the benefits of this, I can't help feeling like I'd be somewhat implicit in the system. I know the system would continue to exist without me, but I feel a sense of moral obligation to others who find themselves at a disadvantage to playing into the system because of genetics, for expample. By playing into the system and not challenging it, one is choosing short-term, personal gains over the betterment of society for future women (and men, if the system is the patriacrchy).
YES!!!! I’ve been looking for this comment and I 100% agree with you. Additionally, the beauty standards is extremely Eurocentric because of colonialism and this has lead to discrimination and racism towards ethnic communities who do not fit this standard. The double eyelid surgery and skin whitening industry are worth billions of dollars. Another way for capitalism to capitalize on our insecurities. So wrong on so many levels :(
Thank you! I remember a friend trying to convince me that my diet (low carb) “wasn’t healthy” and I was like I’m not trying to be healthy I’m trying to be skinny. I think she was shocked I would just come right out and say it 😂
Omg, same. I started out wanting to be skinny and realized that low carb is also healthy because added sugars and simple carbs do so much damage to your body.
My life and wellbeing also massively improved thanks to a low carb diet and I get the same comments of "but you need carbs and sugar for your brain" and it's like... Nope, actually you don't need all that added industry bs... And I also feel unhealthy when I eat those things. Once you go low carb and enjoy the real foods that are mostly fruits and veggies you'll find that bread, pasta, sugar candy, chocolate etc makes you feel sick.
@@Diana__Simionit’s all about portion control! i hate the narrative that carbs are bad. we need those complex carbs!
@@idunablack2592 Totally, and as you can see from the other comments, people are quick to jump in and be like "you NEED carbs! It's just calories!" I don't even bother trying to convince people it's healthy and you don't need to eat refined carbs. It's easier just to say it's to stay thin because the results speak for themselves and you can't argue with that. It's what works best for me and what I find easiest to stick to and I don't know why people care so much that I don't want to eat carbs. Honestly...
@@Diana__Simion Whatever, I'm in my 40s and the same size now then when I was in my 20s, which is the perfect skinny without being too skinny. I love my body and it makes me happy. It's what works for me and has been for 20 years now and I don't know why everybody seems to care so much if I eat carbs or not. It's not like I have ever said that this is the ONLY way to be skinny or that carbs are bad. This just works for me and it's easy and what I enjoy. You can do whatever works for you, I personally don't care.
❤❤❤
when i first lost weight and became skinny my life was so different, but i was so self conscious that i didn’t realise, and then i gained all the weight back + more making me overweight and omg. the difference was insane. i had guys telling me i’m cute, friends always complimenting, me family telling me how good i looked. and after i gained weight i was like invisible and got like so many insults from my family. and i’m still trying to lose the last 7kg to get back to that 🙏
Good luck! 😊
I’ve been skinny with a naturally fat ass and pretty most of my life yet most people including family still treat me like garbage 🙃on top of it i get unwanted attention from men. Like why can’t us women simply exist in peace!!
@@kyojuroswife4112 yup enforcing my boundaries hardcore and cutting them all off now is saving my life
I have a similar body type. I had a naturally pear/hourglass body type which was the ideal when I was in high school. I joined the track team, and wore workout pants. I got whistles and remarks made at school the next day on my bottom side. I was honestly mortified, and quit track. I didn’t want everyone to know me for my body. I honestly feel you. People think if you fit the ideal it’s all cherries and cupcakes, but it’s really not.
My mom is an extremely religious person. I’d wear normal clothes, but if my body looked good, she’d tell me I wasn’t modest and I was making men stumble. Hearing that since I was 13… happy to be in a different state now.
speak !! being skinny / pretty does not help.. being fit isn’t enough anymore. it helps but I’m still working on this message because I’ve always been slim
@@kyojuroswife4112And this is where women get physically hurt, murdered or SA comes in :)
If you could go into a different timeline, and live your life till now as a fat woman you would’ve seen yourself be treated way worse.
girl I don't know why but whenever i am with you I always feel so calm in my peace, protected and cared for. I am LITERALLY so thnkful that I found your channel because I was always fitting the system for being a woman But now I know what can I do as a woman and I am literally using my woman charm to profit off it. Thank you so much for this girly support group.
Once I stopped worrying about how people will potentially treat me because of my race and gender it lifted such a weight off my shoulders. I stopped worrying about spaces where I'm not appreciated and don't belong. Once you stop worrying about things you can't control and focus on the things you control, life becomes so much better. Get that bag ladies!
Yes girl, this is a game changer! Let your energy and actions speak for themselves 👏
I’ve been skinny my whole life but I’m still insecure since I’m the “flat/boyish” kinda skinny. It’s slimthick or skinny with a hourglass that’s praised since its more feminine/dainty.
Same here lol
Same. Change your workouts to build your thighs. Game changer to build curves.
It depends on what era you grew up in. When I was younger, your body type is more attractive. Now having some curves or being slim fit is the beauty standard.
Gurl same lol. I've been naturally skinny (flat as*, small chest) everyone used to make fun of me. But honestly I never really cared. Even my parents used to bodyshame me.
Idgaf about men. I'll always embrace my body. I can eat n wear anything without worrying. My height is 5'2, waist -28[slightly hourglass], I wear S size clothes.
@@thezu9250 I think hourglass body shape has always been the most desirable it just that it's also the most rare out of all body shapes. In general tho, just being fit and skinny is already ideal.
I love your lessons! Please can you talk about s*x. It seems like women have nothing to gain by just being a girlfriend. Giving s*xual access without any commitment from a man seems like a recipe for suffering for women. Would love to hear your thoughts on this. 🙏✨️
You are right
Marriage( commitment ) is the ticket to enjoy with you otherwise they enjoy you and make you beg for commitment or worse abandon you
Giving sexual access?
What does that even mean?
Is sec😮 transactional? A woman's loss and a man's gain?
@@favourayiamudusex is riskier for woman both socially and biologically.
@@favourayiamuduyes wtf happened to PASSION people, seeing sex as a transaction to commitment is nuts ngl
Look up “rotational dating.”
Genuinely lost 50 lbs after watching this. People treat me significantly better, men ask me out every week. It kinda makes me sad actually. I don't know if I'm better off. I don't look at myself and feel particularly proud of what I see.
Don't forget how you feel mentally if you are thin and work out vs. being overweight and not working out. The mental impact of not having the "ideal body" and being treated as a second class citizen because of it is hard to handle I gained some weight when I was in school due to stress. I was also mentally unwell at the time (having panic attacks and unable to sleep). When I started working out again, my anxiety improved, and so did my sleep. I think it was from both the exercise and knowing I had a body I liked again
The conversation in the video was very healthy however the discord in the comments is not. Being brash doesn’t make you “real” and I hope some of you guys show yourselves more compassion while you chase your desired body goals.
This video came at a perfect time. I'm down 27.4lbs since January and I'm *right* at the normal/healthy bmi range. This is my second rodeo in losing weight and although I'm technically 13lbs heavier than my lowest weight (120lbs), I'm torn between wanting to push further to reach my ultimate goal weight (110lbs) or hovering where I am. I've consistently lifted weights over the years and I love my body composition. I went from a size US 10 to a US 4 despite being 132lbs at 5'1 (and 1/2).
On one hand, I get great feedback on my current weight but I internally feel like I should try to keep going to get as skinny as possible to reap THE MOST benefits in society. I've even been grappling with lowering how much I weight train so as to not look "too muscular".
I can't share these thoughts with people without coming across as vain or being told to "just be healthy". Yes being healthy is a great goal, but we all know that being skinny (regardless of true health), attractive, tall, wealthy, etc. yeilds higher positive benefits than being obese, poor, etc. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do what is necessary to get to where you need to get in life.
Yesss, you go girl! I also started my journey to loosing all my extra weight last year and it's just been amazing ever since
I’m feeling this way too…. I’ve put in 10 pounds this year after starting to lift heavy 5 days a week. While I love the confidence weight training brings me, I feel like I’ve seriously put my cortisol levels and hormones out of wack and my body can’t handle intense training this often. Plus, my upper body looks muscular now, and I feel like I just don’t look the way I want to look:( I know that whenever I take breaks from lifting weights and choose low intensity workouts and walking instead, I always loose weight and look thinner. But I also lose my butt which I’ve worked so hard to grow. So idk what to do. But I miss feeling thin and fitting into more clothes uhg 😞
Girl it sounds like your body composition is great. I'd use body fat % and your measurements to determine whether you lose more weight or not. The number on the scale really isn't the best way to measure this stuff.
I also want to add-chose partners and friends carefully, they can destroy your beauty, health. My heart breaks for domestic abuse victims that were once beautiful and have had teeth knocked out, gained weight from emotional abuse etc.
I'm a dietitian and it's sad that pursing weight loss is becoming controversial. I love when my clients own they want to be thin instead of sugar coating it. While I am trained to scan for EDs, many women pursing weight loss aren't at risk. They just need structure, accountability, and not someone telling them it's OK to put chocolate chips in their oatmeal if they "feel like it." That messaging is confusing. Just my input but great video! Hard to watch while I'm pregnant though with an ever-growing waist line LOL
Bruh, of my entire friend group, I and one other person are plus-size. The rest are normal to skinny. Me and that one other person? No Boyfriend Since Birth. The rest? 2 are married, one to a generationally wealthy guy, another to a man building outside of my home country. Another is dating a man who is prime husband material and preparing for the next step of their life.
Screw this, in 2024 I'm going to start getting skinny no matter what it takes
You got this!! Let's get it girl!!
I tell my friends “i’m trying to get skinny”. No facade. And then I ignore anything they say to deter me from it. If saying “skinny” triggers them That’s something internal they need to address. And i tell them that too. With love.
tbh as a black woman i don’t think men really care if i’m skinny. i have a flat stomach, but a booty and hips. idk. idc about being western/european skinny.
Yeah same that’s why this doesn’t really hit for me, personally. Like I agree with some points but more of a sense of looking healthy and maybe a bit slim but for my body and body type that doesn’t necessarily translate into looking “skinny”.
Having a flat stomach still puts you in a good position
I think us curvier girls have more privilege to look attractive at a heavier weight than other women. I still focus on losing weight for health reasons but I agree with you. Trying to be skinny is for women who don’t have hourglass figures.
I think this still applies for black women, the only difference is our skinny is not "their" skinny. Our skinny is just being toned - we can look 'skinny' and be like 180 pounds. But that's just my observation.
As a Black woman who has always preferred other races of men especially due to how BM have treated me, being thin matters to me. I still have dated NB men while big but I know I’d get better quality of them once I’m thin.
This is so true. I lost 75 pounds and got extensions. Everyone around me including ppl I hv known forever now treat me like I’m a successful woman now. I know what I say doesn’t matter I show up and look good and that’s all ppl care about. It was fun at first but it’s much work
Another excellent video! One thing I would add to encourage everyone: learn how to dress yourself. Wearing the right clothing for my body type that feels comfortable but also flatters me while making me look more like the beauty standard is my goal. Knowing I look good literally makes me glow, and when I feel good about myself, I feel encouraged to keep working on my physical appearance, which includes working towards my ideal body. It literally costs me nothing to do some push-ups every day to burn some upper body bulk I don't want. I see the results when my nice shirts fit me better and make me look even better than they did before, and that is such a good feeling. Your wardrobe can be a critical ally as you work towards the goal of looking skinny while improving your physical health.
Madame, you are wise beyond your years, and I’m impressed that you’re willing to touch upon a sensitive subject. Nobody wants to talk about this because a certain group of women get into their fee-fees and start pulling stunts like attempting to cancel creators.
The reality is that the slimmer and fitter you are, the better off you are. It’s not just a person’s health - there are a LOT more advantages in all markets (dating, business, etc) for being fit. You already touched upon the economic benefits of being fit.
In the dating market, straight men will tell you - the majority of them are NOT attracted to plus-sized girls, and they’ll only entertain them if they need to “break a dry spell” or they want some financial support. Sure, your mother’s neighbor’s daughter’s work colleague’s aunt who weighs 300lbs may have bagged a rich, handsome man and have men begging her to be their girlfriend, but that’s the exception, not the rule. Straight men will also tell you that they look at the body before they look at the face, so if you’re a plain Jane (or less) in the face, it behooves you to get a smoking hot body. The plain Jane with the hot body will get more men than the plus-sized girl with the pretty face. The truth is the better shape you’re in, the more spoiled for choice you are, AND the quality of the man is much higher. The dusty men looking for a sugar mama go after the big girls.
As for the women of a certain age, it also behooves you to get in shape and look as ageless as possible, because age is a strike against us, and many of us are still in the dating and business market. Menopause will change your body and metabolism, so it is imperative to adjust your diet and get on a good supplement regimen to stay slim and ageless. I’m speaking from experience on this one - when menopause kicked in the door, I was gaining weight even though I was exercising and eating right. I went on “Operation Leanout”, where I discovered that since my hormones changed, I can’t eat as many calories as I did pre-menopause, and I had to adjust my carb and sugar intake (not going low-carb, but just reducing the carbs and sugar), and I’m not only slimmer than where I was pre-menopause, but I’m 15lbs away from my weight when I was in my 20s when I modeled and did TV commercials. Oh yeah, I’m often mistaken for 32-35, and I’m getting even more high quality guys OF ALL AGES in my DMs that STILL pursue me when I tell them how old I am, and I’m currently developing a serious relationship with a very successful 60-year-old businessman.
I agree. Post menopause, you have to be careful what you eat. I'm thin, but I eat far less than I did and I'm ok with that. Gaining weight is uncomfortable for me. Working out definitely helps (and I do that 3-4 times/week) but 75% of it is what you eat. Good for you for staying on top of your game when so many people give up. All the best to you!
Tbh as a plus sized/fat woman... it's really at the core of it about how YOU are feeling about yourself. Often times fat people, especially women, are internalizing the negative things we've heard from others while being bigger. So once someone loses weight they start feeling better about THEMSELVES. And thats where the different treatment is truly coming from at its core. Detach from how the world percieves you, how family and peers perceive "people like you" whatever that may be..and create, build and percieve yourself only. Nobody creates your experience unlesss YOU allow them to by giving your power away.
I wanna grow up to be you.
Okay 32-35 is a huge stretch, I would've guessed you to be around 60 yrs old by your profile pic.
Right? lol@@Rosemary46840
I'm so glad this was finally addressed. I have said this for years and have just been shut down, insulted or called an internalized misogynist. Reality is reality and it's better that we accept it if we are to change it.
I got bashed by a group of women when I told them " you have to be extra disciplined with your health and what you consume if you have certain fitness and gracefully aging goals. IDC if your partner eats donuts everyday and never seems to gain much weight". They bashed me saying " we dont HAVE TO" "women shouldn't have to".. I was like dude. Don't label everything as anti-feminist sp when I am a feminist myself. Biologically, our bodies are storing more fat in certain areas bc it helps with childbirth later on. I hate it too and all bodies are different. But is anything in life fair? What are we going to do about it? Complain that its anti-feminist to get fittest and feel your best? Okay I choose to work hard and give my best instead of waiting on my couch for the society to change.
this is such a straight up way of explaining this. You can also opt out for a couple of years and take a break from it like I did, when I separated from my sons father when he was one, and I needed to take some pressure off of myself and focus on my son, and me, in order to make a new life. it was a lot easier to do not worrying l how I looked doing it. Now that our new life is pretty much set up 2 1/2 years later I can focus on more surfacy stuff like my appearance
Underrated advice. It's okay to let aesthetics take the back burner during certain life seasons if you're focused on other things. Proud of you bestie 💗
So true. I've opted out a few times. It's totally ok to do that if you're in a position to for sure.
Queens don't gatekeep. Thank you so much @Manifestelle
Im a fitness model. Sometimes, people seem GENUINELY DISSAPOINTED when they see and hear about the effort, time, and money invovled in maintaining abs , muscle definintion, skin and athletic skills. 😮😮😮😮 people want to beleive its easy and effortless.
I got my degree in dance and ES, so this is my life and job. I hate to see women feel like I'm the standard, when its actually a whole job and took me 8+ years of hard training to look like this 😂❤
This!
It has to be clarified. There’s skinny and slim thick. What you probably mean is slim thick.Slim thick has wider hips and bigger bust and a small waist. There’s skinny women who don’t typically fit this body ratio and this doesn’t really apply to them all the time. They’re also judged and ridiculed. I know.
I think it depends on your location. But generally a skinny body will yield high(er) results than a thick one
I don’t believe the women she used in the thumbnail should accurately be called slim thick.
Victoria Secret models are not slim thick and their body type will never cease to be the standard. Slim think is a beauty standard among black community one of which it took the Kardashian’s to popularize globally but even that is dwindling given the shift in body shapes the Kardashian’s are resorting to recently.
@@BlueBerryBronzerThe beauty standard and slim thick hourglass figure, it’s not Victoria secret model skinny because so manyyy people mock them, say harmful things or make fun of them making them feel like shit.
@@BlueBerryBronzerslim thick is not going anywhere. It's about as the girl in the video said, its sexual Dymorphism. Having well developed breasts, hips and butt will aalways be in. Don't get mad bestie.
Lost 50 pounds and it changed my life. Put yourself first!
I just wish that all girls read " the beauty myth " this book will give u not only a different perspective about beauty/ skinniness but also give u explanation on different subjects regarding feminism , misogyny, capitalism ect ect
To be completely honest, seeing a women with a healthy slim body gives me the impression that she takes care of herself and lives a healthy lifestyle vs the obese gives me “she has little respect towards herself”. I’m aware that unhealthy slim etc exist as well but I’m talking about the general idea and I do admit that I treat both differently and wouldn’t want someone with an unhealthy lifestyle in my close circle
I had a friend who was very messy in her lifestyle and the second I dropped that friendship the weight just started coming off. I have an autoimmune disorder and was told losing weight was going to be difficult but the second I got serious about the life I wanted everything started coming together.
It’s great that you are aware your perceptions. What I observe is that overweight people often have hormonal imbalances that makes it more difficult for them to lose weight. Also, many people use food as an emotional outlet due to unsealed trauma.
@@Waddehaddedudeda yes I had BED too, actually I totally understand. In such cases the mindset is more important if the person is actually intending to make change or not
What were some things that helped you? I'm struggling with overeating even when I'm full
Unhealthy people are also deserving of love and friendships, so you know
Don't forget the fashion market, there are beautiful clothes for thin women but take a look at the plus size clothes and it is very limited. It just goes to show what's important in society.Being skinny after menopause is near impossible.
Intermittent fasting and green juices are the way to go
What a relief to finally hear someone say the quiet part out loud 👏👏👏👏❤️ i freaking loved your video!
While I'm all for benefiting from systems meant to subjugate you, in this case I don't see how playing into this standard really helps women. While I agree that it is not wrong or frivolous for women to want to feel beautiful and attractive, we need to rethink what that means to us outside of these distorted ideals created by male egos (I explain more on this later if you keep reading). There is a big issue in not analysing where these beauty standards come from and what the potential effects of upholding these standards are, as opposed to dismantling them and creating ones that actually benefit women, based on feminine strengths like creativity and expression. I'm not talking about normalizing or fetishizing unhealthy weight gain, I'm talking about recognizing that health and beauty are much more than an external view of one's body according to some fixed beauty standard. Men are not the prize, and their notion of what makes a woman attractive shouldn't be dictating decisions that effect our health or the potential health of our children, because perceived skinniness is not always synonymous with health, and in some cases the pursuit of perceived skinniness is in fact detrimental to our health and fertility.
Storytime: I grew up idolizing the skinny aesthetic because Kate Moss 'heroin chic' was so prevalent in the media when I was younger. Although I've always been at a healthy weight and physically active, my younger sister was always much skinnier. She had a pretty unhealthy lifestyle until recently, as well as a lot of health issues with her reproductive system, which often meant she was in and out of hospital. The irony is that she was socially praised for being skinny as if it meant she was healthy, when it was something that had nothing to do with her health or wellbeing or even her trying to be skinny, whereas I- who was always the healthier between the two of us- able to recover from illness more quickly, less likely to get sick, worked out more often and more athletic, ate a cleaner diet- was consistently socially looked down upon in comparison to her... (!) At one point these constant comparisons as well as other pressures put on me led me to develop an eating disorder. This eating disorder ruined my life for many years and momentarily derailed my excellent academic path (I recovered and went to one of the best universities in the world for my undergrad so it was okay in the end, but it did set me back, especially financially).
I did become very skinny (later, in a healthier way, when I initially transitioned to a vegan diet for ethical reasons, rather than for weight loss), but I did not enjoy being skinny. I grew to hate the comments I got from partners and men who were interested in me which fetishized the smallness of my body (I'm also quite short). It gave me the sense that these men needed someone small to make them feel big and strong, which I find gross and actually makes me think those men are weak and insecure, like an adult who beats a kid at sports to feel good about themselves because they can't beat people their own age and size. A man's sense of being strong should some from his ability to compete with other men his size, not with his female partner. Over time I've realized that there is a pretty disgusting reason why the patriarchy pedestals skinny women: p*dophiic s*x culture and catering to fragile male egos who don't want to feel threatened. I've also come to find the skinny aesthetic really gross and unattractive... it makes me feel grossed out when I see women who have the body of a prepubescent girl "modelling" a "women's" bikini and getting thousands of likes for... what? For simply looking like their body never hit puberty? Some of them even look like young boys. It grosses me out that this should be the beauty standard for women, when for most women, our hormones and reproductive system when we our flourishing often will bless us with sensual curves which signal the nutritional abundance that is ideal for having babies. Ironically, in many spaces I don't even feel that I can express how gross I find this fetishization of childlike, hairless, skinny bodies because apparently its 'body shaming'- despite the fact that women who have more normal and natually occuring bodies are being shamed on the daily for having healthy womanly bodies which actually benefit their overall health, and being compared to these childlike physiques.
Constantly validating this artificial ideal of skinniness that was created by insecure men as normal or desirable (amongst ourselves as women and as a society) is deeply problematic for women's internal relationship to our own bodies. I recently gained some weight (not much maybe to an outsider, still in a healthy range but the heaviest I've ever been personally) due to being very sick and not having energy to be as active as I usually am; the weight itself bothered me a lot less than the effect it had on my ability to do things I used to do regularly after I was weakened by getting sick (like handstands, pole dance tricks, lifting heavy weights, being able to go for long walks and runs etc). Hell, to be honest, even though I gained some weight around my waist that I don't like that much, I was low-key thrilled to have a nice round ass and bigger breasts, it makes me feel so sensual and beautiful. However, I will probably lose weight again simply because I have a preference for eating healthy (my body is very sensitive so eating unhealthy food really decreases my quality of life and I end up craving fresh vegetables/ fruit/ high protein/ healthy fats naturally) and I enjoy doing my active hobbies because they make my body feel good. I don't try to be strong to compete with men, I like being strong because it actively helps me in my life. This is not some 'excuse', its legitimately how I feel, and I find it sad that a lot of women only want to do physical activities to be skinny and simultaneously feel they need to lie about their motivations. Its like they don't actually feel their bodies from the inside, but rather only see them from an externalized male gaze. It disrupts the sacred connection a woman needs to have with her own self to understand her hormones and cycles. Let's face it, men often don't know a lot about women's bodies. It is very dangerous to allow their ideals and standards for our bodies interfere with our relationship with the vessel through which we experience our life and bring new life into this world.
Where does it end? Say that more and more women actively say 'I want to be skinny' and do what they can to be skinny. Okay, so a lot of women now all become skinny, now the dating pool has a surplus of skinny women, what now? Well first, skinniness's association to class and elitism falls away. Now the women who believe they have to 'compete' with each other have to be skinnier and skinnier, going from healthy slimness to the point of emaciation, or they have BBL surgeries in order to maintain a kind of weight distribution that is generally not found naturally in human bodies. Women are competing with photoshopped images, emaciated models with smoking habits (and who's diets might lead them to infertility) and women who have been chopped up and put back together. FOR WHAT BESTIE? To get a foot ahead in the dating market place? Even in the modelling world today, so many women fit this ideal, but many are not rich, many are exploited, underpaid, and constantly critiqued despite having what society deems to be the perfect physique. Physique aside, it is still only a minority who are able to actually financially benefit from their skinniness, meanwhile in many cases it can threaten their physical and mental health. This all sounds like a high price to pay, to be honest, and ultimately foolish because aging and sickness are a part of human life. There will always be a woman younger and skinnier than you who will be able to replace you while you compete to financially benefit from your physique. You talk about not competing with men, but frankly, I'm not terribly interested in competing with women either, and I don't think validating these toxic beauty ideals is helpful to us as a whole.
You repeatedly said 'don't get mad' in this video, but I actually didn't feel mad at all, I just felt sad. I thought about all the female relatives and friends I have had over the years, whose bodies are amazing, beautiful maps of their experiences, yet who are ashamed of and self critical of their bodies. Women who have stretch marks that are souvenirs painted by nature from the time where they performed something as miraculous as childbirth, or who developed eating disorders after childhood s*xual abuse and put on weight in recovery as they healed, or women who have worked so hard at their health and fitness and balanced their hormones and are at their physical best, but who don't fall into that 'skinny' category because genetically that's not where they are the healthiest. I even think of all those men who date skinny women for social clout while following IG models, watching p*rn and sometimes even having affairs with curvier women who they are personally more attracted to but can't even admit to being attracted to because of social standards. The whole thing is so sad and pointless really. Your body is so much more than what it looks like on the outside to people who have a limited ideas of what is beautiful and what is not. Be kind to her.
You said it all! Brilliant!👌
Yesssss. You get it. She usually has very wise things to share, but this video just ain't it. Being so market-driven sometimes makes people lack empathy and common sense.
I’m skinny. It’s my time ⭐️ to shine✨
A seemingly shallow topic turned DEEP. I’m here for the truth telling 👏🏼
i'm literally obsessed with the straightforward feedback. its giving get with it or get lost (in the 3D reality) 💖
i have been watching you everyday for about two months and you have changed my life. i appreciate you so much for talking about this, because NOBODY WILL!!!
4 years ago i was at about 210 lbs at 5’3, still considered obese for my height but if you look at a picture of me i didn’t look obese. i’ve always been curvy, i didn’t have an awkward phase when i started puberty, i instantly became a woman. because i didn’t look like the other girls who were gangly and skinny, i thought i was fat, but i wasn’t. until i got into high school, i lost about 20 lbs to reach that 210 weight. i was happy with the way i looked, i felt confident and beautiful. i wasn’t skinny, but i was comfortable in my skin. other men and women perceived me as attractive, but despite all of this i still suffered from low self esteem, and dated below bare minimum low effort men. the last dusty i dated was the most emotionally toxic relationship i’ve ever been in, and i gained 80 lbs in a year, and about 10 or so more after we finally broke up. in just a single year, my body completely changed. i’m 300lbs at 5’3, and i have never felt so low, disgusting, worthless and ugly in my own skin. i would do anything to get this weight off of me, i felt more beautiful and worthy at 210. now some women may not want to be 210 at my height, and that’s fine! over the last three years i felt i have been gaslighted into believing i should NEVER want to lose weight for simply wanting to look better. it must ONLY be for health reasons. but if losing weight helps me feel better about my appearance, does that not benefit my health? it does!! why are they telling me i DONT need to lose weight? that i’m beautiful the way i am? that i’m healthy at every size? i do need to lose weight, i don’t feel beautiful at this weight, and i most certainly am not healthy. climbing one flight of stairs made me feel like i was going to pass out. i could no longer stand at my job for more than 2 hours, and i was showing symptoms of developing pre diabetes. also society HATES fat people, and as much as i appreciate the body positivity movement for saying we are still worthy human beings despite our size, people still do not treat us as such. i’m disrespected more at this size, people do not take me seriously, and i’m treated as if i’m ugly. i see tiktok lives of a fat person just playing video games for fun and all of the chats are people saying the most heinous things. i’m tired of living like this. and i will proudly say i want to lose weight for physical health reasons, AND to look more physically attractive to myself and others. i have learned to love myself at this size as i am changing. i learned how to weight lift, started eating better and less, and am on phentermine. physically i feel so much and have lost about 10 lbs 💕 the journey is far from over, but i’m so happy i’m finally doing this for myself. changing the reality has definitely helped me feel more beautiful, and i will never again let any man or person cause me such emotional damage that i begin to permanently damage myself. thank you elle 💕 you are helping and healing so many women!!!
you have a really enjoyable way to tie everything together, I not only agree but also appreciate it a lot. thank you for SGSG. I feel comfortable, reassured, supported, accepted, you name it. chefskiss to you
Definitely in the road to getting back skinny 😊 I was happier and felt lighter
"There are no doors that beauty cannot open,"- Constance Langdon, American Horror story season 1.
I've been bigger and smaller, people definitely treat you differently 🙃
I'm unfortunately at an unhealthy weight/size at the moment (I have hormonal issues so being skinny is pretty hard). It's definitely rough out here.
it's so refreshing to listen to someone being REAL and honest
Elle your channel is so comforting to me. I'm so sick of lying to myself, lying to others and hearing lies.
i love that you talk about this without the shame wall that usually comes with it. thank you
I lost 30 pounds (and gained it back) TWICE, and I can assure you, the difference in treatment is STARK. You definitely attract higher quality men. Geez thank you for this video!!! finally someone brave enough to talk about this 😅 and brave enough to say it straight up.
Gosh this is sooo refreshing. Reminds me of makeup and how I’ve just decided to be honest and stop saying “oh I just wear makeup everyday because I enjoy the ritual of it” when the honest truth is that I wear makeup to make myself look better because pretty privilege is so real and why wouldn’t I do what I can to take advantage of it? I now say that I wear makeup because I like to feel like I look my best… it’s the damn truth! Love your content 🙌
Listen, I was genetically blessed with a fast metabolism and I have always been skinny. In my adulthood I have said multiple times that “I don’t want the problems that come with not being skinny, so I want to be skinny for the rest of my life“. And I don’t feel bad about it.
you are so articulate about this topic and i love how you just keep it real. thank you
Back when I was 20, I went from 148 pounds to 110 pounds. I’m 26 years old, still having a flat waist at 120, but I’m going back down to 114lbs to be safe. In my opinion, the ideal skinny means flat stomach with breasts and a butt. But then again, I’m black so that just so happens to how I’m built naturally. Just be careful about those models with a abs with large breasts. It’s really hard to hit a low body fat percentage and not be flat chested.
How did you lose the weight help
This is just sad. You can't outsmart a system by doing exactly what it wants you to do. There is no power in that. You may feel that you have outsmarted them, that you are in control, but you only live within the boundaries they set for you. It's like being a chicken that's allowed to live in free range instead of factory farming. You're still in a cage, just a bigger one. And it's fine to like the aesthetics of being slim, wealthy, etc. But to basically tell women to bow down to the system that oppresses them and make the best of it, instead of at least questioning it and possibly trying to fight it, is absolutely wild. All the things that most of us women can do today, like go to university, vote, choose our own career path, are because the women before us didn't accept things as they were.
The 'system' that you are referring to is not man-made, it is natural. Therefore, it cannot be thorn down.
@Juniperus_Godegara 😂😂😂 never heard of a skinny animal being better than a healthy one...this is literally a man made system to keep women as a commodity
@@natashak9335 The opposite of skinny is not healthy. That the first misconception right there. You don't see animal obesity in wild animals because overweight is not normal or natural, it affects people because of lifestyle. The opposite of skinny is fat and the opposite of healthy is ill.
Exactly. Just reinforcing the status quo.
@@Juniperus_Godegara anndd?? I'm so confused....so...what's your point again😅