We Want an Adventure: CITV adverts and continuity, 1996
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- čas přidán 5. 07. 2012
- From my late Gran's pile of decomposing VHSes comes this raddled old artefact, with the sound and picture going up and down at random (I normalised it in segments so you could hear it at all, but some bits are still louder than others, careful with that volume control). This particular tape started out with the last ten minutes of a barely discernible edition of Can't Cook Won't Cook from the Lambie-Nairn BBC1 era, but this was the first thing of interest that came out visible.
First, the end credits of a Scooby-Doo episode, from the shit and awful era when the cast had been pared down to Shaggy, Scooby, bloody Scrappy, and just for eye-candy and damsel duties, Daphne. Note the CITV DOG in the corner. Featuring that vaguely fascist and/or communist Hanna-Barbera logo, and the needlessly creepy World Vision Productions (not affiliated with WorldVision International, a religious and charitable organisation) one. You should see the World Vision Video one, though. It is quite genuinely terrifying.
Next is some CITV continuity! We're well into the out-of-vision Steve Ryde phase, although Ryde himself appears to have the day off, and instead a vague soundalike introduces the next show: How 2! TVS's revival of their predecessors' old "things to make and do" show, almost a full decade after it died with Southern. Unfortunately, they themselves were to go the same way in only a couple of years, but happily, their kid's show chief moved to Scottish and managed to keep much of TVS' kiddy portfolio alive under their auspices.
Anyway, then it's kiddy advert time! The first one is for Sindy, Britain's very own answer to Barbie, only much less successful. Especially of late. This is from Hasbro's primacy over the doll, during which they gave her the exact face (although not chest) of Barbie. This the slightly altered one that Mattel insisted on, but still very much adhering to Hasbro's strategy of "Dannii to Barbie's Kylie", which effectively led to her decline and Hasbro giving up and going home. She's currently between labels, but her creators are thinking of relaunching her next year for her 50th anniversary; they reckon that the dolls these days, which command little girls to act like teenagers AS SOON AS POSSIBLE might have created a gap for sort of wholesome, old-fashioned Barbie dolls that Barbie doesn't do anymore and Sindy could. To be honest, I say good luck to her.
Next, in letterbox format for reasons beyond the realm of human understanding, some kids put on an impromptu performance of Bugsy Malone whilst trying and failing to invent dubstep. The product in question was yet another escalation in the ongoing child-obesity arms race, and remains to this day completely and utterly awful. Beware of any cheese that's simply labelled "cheese". If you can't specify what kind of cheese it is, chances are it's actually soap.
The next one's almost inaudible, but you're not missing much. Beware of turning your volume up, though. The mid-nineties was full of this sort of thing advertising Frosties (a much better name than "Frosted Flakes"); they spent good money on Survivor's Eye of the Tiger, and they ran that song into the ground over about five years.
After that, Yasmin Le Bon is surprisingly serious about this shampoo. IT WILL HAPPEN. Even though hair does not work that way, has never worked that way, and neither do vitamins. Ali Ballantyne picks up the slack on the science bit.
Then, boy's toys! First, train your children up for some horrifying future war with this weapon, I don't know. Or, you might could want to play it yourself, why not. Next, a wordless and expensive-looking spot for Lego System - with which you can build anything from pirate galleons to spaceships to piles of bricks all over the floor. Or oil tankers and cities, which strikes me as kind of boring but whatever.
Then, a trailer for the new, pointlessly abbreviated series of Children's Ward. Steven Ryde makes a pretty bold claim here, but that's how he rolls. Besides, with the likes of co-creators Paul Abbott & Kay Mellor and Doctor Who legends Russell T. Davies, Paul Cornell & Matt Jones among the writers, it can safely be said that any given episode is at least nine times better than Casualty has ever been this century. It ended in 2000 (having returned to its real title) for purely arbitrary reasons.
Then, our ersatz Ryde introduces How 2, with a title sequence and logo I don't remember, although it is the classic lineup of Fred Dineage (who presented every nanosecond of both the original How and the revived How 2, and is enough of a legend that I'll even forgive him for having a Tory MP for a daughter), surrounded by the Welsh, in the form of Gareth "no longer calling himself Gaz Top and thank God for that" Jones and, in her last series, Carol Vorderman. I remember the climax of one episode in which the two of them tried to teach Drainage how to pronounce Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. He did OK. - Zábava
I've just seen it on CZcams, found it - jeez oh bloody mighty, that is bloody freaky, it made me shiver. And somebody thought THAT was a good idea to put on TV/home video?!
That World Vision logo I wasn't expecting (having not read the description) - frightened the crap outta me.
Can you find one on classic watch it! Ident from early 80's is they any video of it ?
It could occasionally be unsettling for a small child. Said video quality helps sweeten the pill here. Like I said, it was the Home Video logo that was really frightening.
It's on CZcams. It's the same thing, slowed to a crawl, and it is quite genuinely terrifying.
Have you got any full classic episode of Scratchy and Co[01/06/96] (1996) please thank you very much
World Vision logo, scary? What ARE you on about?!
The only thing making me feel queasy is the tracking/jumpy video ;-)
Have you got any classic interviews of rhino from gladiators on citv please thank you very much
Haha! Is it? I can't remember now if I've seen the home video version...
It's Rankin-Bass compared to the World Vision Home Video one.
do you have that full episode of how2🙏😕😒😅
Have you a full classic episode of CITV Goggle Watch[04/09/96] (1996)please thank you very much
Afraid not.
I haven't, no. Try ZzzapJohnny, he even put it in his name.