Get Too Obsessed When You Like Someone? WATCH THIS! | Matthew Hussey
Vložit
- čas přidán 1. 06. 2024
- ►► Start Getting Results in Your Love Life...
Reserve Your Space for FREE for My Live Training Here
→ www.DatingWithResults.com
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my CZcams channel now.
I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
▼
We’ve all done it. We start to like someone and suddenly we’ve built a whole narrative around what our future could look like with them. They feel like a rare antidote we’ve stumbled across that will take us out of being single and into the relationship we so badly want.
The issue is, in the process of doing this, we rob ourselves of the ability to enjoy the experience-too stuck in our heads to be in the moment.
We also run the risk of self-sabotaging as we try to see danger where there isn’t any.
In this brand-new video, I share an easy and grounding phrase you can use RIGHT NOW to calm yourself down if you find yourself in this situation.
►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” → www.9texts.com
►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → www.SayThisToHim.com
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Instagram → / thematthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
People with inner child issues get obsessed too quick! It’s their inner child trying to attach to a rare found attention-giving figure because the inner child is so deprived of love/attention, they cling. Always remind yourself, you won’t hand over your inner child self to another person so quickly, it’s your child(your child self), take care of it yourself.
Good one to remember, thanks 👍
@@constance6761 you're welcome!
True 🥲🥲
Wow that last sentence
👍..
Since I used daydreaming as a form of escapism from the reality of my childhood, most of my dating life has been spent in my head instead of actual relationships, so I appreciate this topic being discussed. It's a wonderful thing to be self aware and work on yourself
Hallelujah and amen. As I'm almost 69 and have a hereditary predisposition to live 'til 100, even able and coherent, it's important to me to make my remaining time as rewarding and authentic as possible. So I'll keep working at my emotional sobriety. Respecting myself feels better even than a man's admiration.
Me too. I use day dreaming as a coping mechanism. I've realised I often end up suffering from limerence, which is terrible because it's not based in reality.
Damn I thought I was alone 😔 we sad
Damn I definitely relate to this.
@@cindyfern I'm a member of that club. Greetings!
So it's because of the attention that we become Clingy
that is sad !! This dating stuff sucks !! Fun, but SUCKS TOO !!
First, we need to understand why we are obsessed in the first place. We experience some kind of joy or highs with a person which forms strong connections in our brain. Our brain doesn’t like being sad or depressed at all. It likes those highs and misses them. “Its not the person but the feelings we crave.” We don’t have that chemistry with that person for a reason and we know it. But that person set a benchmark of highs we have had. It is natural for our brain to miss and want those highs. And that is why, despite all the negative experiences with that person, we still miss the beautiful memories we had. We move on when we meet a new person and experience greater joys or highs in life. Then we really don’t miss the past joys as they become insignificant with respect to the new benchmark. Now, this greater joy or high doesn’t have to necessarily be with a person. It can be something else - like any achievement that makes you happier. If not achievement then your progress on your path. For that, we need to focus on our goals and make a conscious effort to feel better. Working out is an add on and scientifically proved to improve mood. We should also spend time with our old friends and indulge in hobbies to feel better. Most importantly, we should think rationally about that person and remember the bad experiences - not to hate him/her but to get over him/her. Hope it helps.
Thanks! That’s very true. I just got over with it, thinking about the things that would not work out for both of us. It’s scary to be with an A personality. And if that person doesn’t even fall to the person that you really want to be with. It’s a blessing to separate with this person earlier than let it drag for long. It’ll be harder to forget. But I’m glad I’m progressing.
Thanks. We'll said. It's tough when they showed initial interest first and stop. Didn't know it was science behind this....I want said better Didn't know it's basically a chemical problem
This made perfect sense!
@@rasulsamad5860 that’s the puzzling part… when they were all over you then all of a sudden it’s like you don’t exist lol
The feelings we feel are for the person, so same thing
Abandon all EXPECTATIONS...just have fun, and see what happens
Easier said that done, but im trying my best atm 😅
It's really hard, but we can do it.
Man best advice, but it’s not so easy haha
How though? What are the steps??
This is my weakest point when it comes to relationships. I idealise so dam quickly! It makes me illogical and vulnerable. I hate it!
My date literally said this to me. That I idealise too much, that we should have fun and see where it goes. There are no guarantees in anything. Just go with it and see where it goes. I hope I didnt mess it up yet...😬😶
Same here infatuated way too quickly,I hate it as well.
I’m not alone I feel better now . Thanks for sharing. I hope next time I can control my mind . Definitely this was a huge video advise for me . At my 42 still single , still don’t find love . 😕
“We’ll see” immediately made me calm down
After been on many dates with several people , I know now that I’ve finally managed this. I just enjoy every date to the most, I try my best to be myself and I NEVER expect anything from the other person as I understand is way too early for them to actually know if they really liked me . We can’t expect a man to live up to our imagination. Stop expecting a man to behave as a boyfriend when they just literally met you 1 month ago🤷🏻♀️
Hi,get help from Dr Wilfred in any kind of problem you might be encountering,he can help in getting someone (Ex) back, money spell,job spell, marriage spell protection spell,love spell, court cases spell, make himself/her confess spell, cleaning spell,also breaking evils curses in your life.
He really help me that why I am referring him to you.i advice you seek his help now
Thanks.
I needed to hear this quite a time back 💔
@@benazirrsathik991 shoot! Me too 😭
I will 😅😅😅
This sounds amazing. What you did to get at this point?
Huge issue, for me. "Limerence," I've learned to call it: obsession, or infatuation, when one conjures up an entire person and relationship out of ONE meeting. Then you scare the crap out of the person you're attracted to, and drive them off. You THINK you might grow out of it. I'm finding out, at re-entering the single world, that without conscious efforts to stay rational, I slide right back into it. In my case it comes from people-pleasing in my childhood, which backfires horribly when one is an adult who needs self respect. Thanks for bringing it up.
Same, incl the ppl pleasing tendency.
@@constance6761 Currently I'm getting some relief by re-assigning the purpose of my "limerent subject." I've decided he is NOT here to torment and humiliate me; he's here to remind me that my late spouse was not the last of his kind; that there are more out there; and if I cultivate my sobriety and character, I deserve to meet at least one more. I've been behaving myself very well, even with the limerent suffering. I feel more hope than ever that I am derailing this tendency in myself, by acting as, and thus becoming, a woman I really admire. So that others will too.
@@biondna7984 Wow you said this so beautifully! This also called me out too 😂because I went to an event on thursday and met and talked to a lot of people but I met this one guy and we clicked so fast and I see him again tomorrow and my mind has been going crazy wild not necessarily imagining scenarios too much but i find myself very impatient in wanting to see him again and I’m trying to calm myself down lol. But for my past crushes I do tend to place them on this perfect pedestal and I think that comes from my tendency to people please all the time, so much so that I hate rejecting anyone because I hate to make them feel ashamed or ruin their spirit… sigh people pleasing is so hard to unlearn loll
Yep same here I have just stopped dating for a while we'll see how that goes. I love the time and energy I have to focus on myself now. I don't have to worry about being the perfect one for someone else. I am doing what I need and want for me this year. Taking a step back makes me realize and even wonder how I justified giving all my precious energy to men who I barely knew. That was the worst form of abandon ing myself....all I want to know now is what does this girl need right here. All day every day. Nothing else is more important than that ❤
True and sad that we scare them off. I just have moods where I obsess, then I calm down, but too late, they are likely not around,
And this is how anxious attachments occur … you could be quite secure within yourself. Meet somebody that you really like and all of a sudden they might pull away slightly in your mind and then you get super anxious and then you become super needy. They then become avoidant because they’re panicking and you become super anxious!!
When you first meet somebody always remember they are turning up as the best version of themselves just as you are are … it takes time to get to know somebody so really try to pull yourself back and take it day by day and get to know the person for who they really are … ❤
So true, that obsession and crush thing makes us batt shit crazy 🤪 it's that addictive dopamine rush we latch onto and it can be dangerous! We must calm ourselves, give it time and focus on our own stuff amidst the emotional excitement....better to think 'will see', thanks Matthew Hussey!!!
You're so right, I think it's the brain chemicals that we get addicted to! There's more to it than just the thought process.
@@pris_6969 they say its as addictive as crack cocaine.
@@user-cf4jj8gb8p yes or sugar and chocolate 🍫 😋
@@pris_6969 yeah sure is, our brains kind of don't know how to handle it, so we sit on a weird euphoric cloud and are on a high in fantasy land lol....I mean it is a wonderful feeling...but reality kind of disappears....just keep saying 'will see' that's such a great thing to say 😊
Is exactly that... 😩 I did that... Wen we are in love or something we do only stupid things! And then after all we are not like that... And the everything goes apart...
Matt, I'm a guy and everything you have said in this video applies to us just as much as it does to women.
Used to be obsessed with one of my closest friend. Was into her for a couple years. Later found out she kind of liked me too.
All of a sudden all that potential energy that had built up in my mind, the unreal ideology of spending a future with her, all that came flooding in. Having these projections really made me anxious of losing her. Something that wasn't even real, was completely made up in my mind is what was stressing me.
I started having expectations from her in a way that she could fill up those ideologies in mind. Dont get me wrong, I made her feel very special, like a Queen so I did deserve the best. However those expectations brought out a needy, constantly worrying, insecure basically an ugly side in me.
She had just started liking me but the projections I had built up after liking her for years made it all 100% complex. She simply couldn't keep up and I was pacing trying to chase that " future with her" which was uncertain.
All we ended up doing was fighting.
Needless to say we had to end it.
I don't have any ill feelings towards her.
But it sucks to lose my closest friend.
I'm still trying to find a way to still be friends, it is not easy thought, this story of her I had made up in mut mind was keeping me out of living the moment and I ended thinking I wasn't worthy of her Because of anxiety, coming back from there is hard, but I'm learning how to take out all the guilt and shame and put myself together, we need so much self love so we can give it it out without expectations, that's just enough sometimes believe me, hope everything's OK now!
My close friend gets obsessed with every guy she starts talking to. Then when it fizzles out, she gets her ego bruised and blames them. This video describes her.. It's hard to watch her do this every time.
You just me saved from ruining my last 10 days of college from obsessing over a girl doesn't have high interest in me, i am just imagining a marriage with this girl, thank you my brother
I'm the type of person who rarely ever gets attached. However, whenever I do, things never turn out well. To me, liking someone is so rare that when I do, I do it way too fast, way too hard. I find myself coming back to this video for the second time. Thus, this is the second time I get attached to someone and feel like things turned sour, then started obsessing over it - things like they don't seem to respond the same way anymore, they don't seem to prioritize me as much, so on and so forth. However, being the second time I caught on to it in the first week of it happening, whereas the first time took me 6 months of being played with to realize what was going on :) So yeah... I'm still screwed in the head, but I guess I can call this improvement.
I needed this. This is so true. I started laughing so hard when you said the friends hype them up like they just got engaged that was hilarious😂😂😂😂
I confess especially right now this IS VERY difficult for me to do; either I'm emotionally invested, or I'm not. Probably a good thing I'm not really doing any shopping at this time.
Yup totally me as well. Lol
The phrase: "We'll See", lasts a life time...for you will never know if the love you gained, would last your lifetime (until death)...so...it puts you back at square one: regarding one's fear and anxiety
I know this obsession feeling is terribly painful, but it's also refreshing in a world that can leave a person misanthropic. It feels good to know that even though it is painful and not always optimal, people can still think and act like puppies.
That was me with this girl 3 months ago. Once things started moving along, I got too obsessed and attached too fast which ended up me being hurt a lot when we had to end it
Why’d you have to end it
Yes please.more info
I genuinely realised a few months back that I had put myself through this downgrade procedure! I've been dating someone for a month and, first and foremost, I don't talk about it much with my friends because I'm not sure yet.
Second, I tell myself that this is a dating situation, and I should not be obsessed with him or anyone else.
And it actually worked.
Now what mattered is that I learned to control my mind and emotions.
I've noticed that guy in the gym. He looks like a really decent adult man. Even though we haven't talked yet, our eyes have met a couple of times. This has been going on for several days/weeks and I got hooked on that unknown feeling that I get whenever I see him. It makes me so joyful. But it scares me a bit because I'm not used to flirting and I can't control that giddy feeling he gives me (I'm enjoying it though, so strange!). You know, I'm that head-in-the-space, happy-go-lucky nerd girl (sometimes with a mental age of a teenager) who was never good at this stuff. And I thought to myself, 'Why would such a decent guy like him be interested in an awkward girl like me?' He should be dating (maybe he is already dating) cool ladys with tattoos and toned bodies and a great sex appeal (I don't have any self-confidence issues, I'm just a realist.) Anyways, I guess my interest in him turned into obsession (maybe?) because I keep thinking about him and lately he appears even in my dreams. Oh my...I feel so helpless.
But your video helped me a bit in dealing with my little obsession. ^^ Luckily, it will disappear once I stop seeing him due to my work (which starts next week). girl
I never found the middle ground. I'm either completely obsessed with someone or I have no interest. I believe I have an anxious attachment style and because of it have been friendless for 15 years and never had a relationship while I'm 29. It's very strange but now I got into this mindset that because I'm so socially inept and atrophied that no one would want to spend time with me, so I self sabotage at every convenience. I feel that I'm just not a social animal as many people are and I'm trying come to grip that I'll live like this for the rest of my life. Of course it is very peaceful. That's the good part.
This is seriously the most helpful dating video I’ve watched because I’m so guilty of fantasies, projections and filling in of gaps. You teach how to level the playing field by the concept of someone investing in us and a healthy level of give and take, most importantly in a way that’s self-loving. Thanks for relieving all the unnecessary stress and anxiety I’ve been putting on myself for years. You have such a knack for getting in people’s heads! Love you and your videos Matthew❤ I signed up!!!
good stuff
“We’ll see” I already feel better saying this over and over again. Such a simple phrase that depressurizes dating situations which I used to think of as high stakes
I follow a reciprocation rule. Only show the amount of interest that the person your interested in is showing. If its very little then show little. If its a lot of interest, show a lot but not all.
Divine timing this video flashed up in my feed. I am obsessing over a man that is not even free. I want to let go & make space for an available man & not obsess over a projection I have created 💪🤗
Uhhhh same!! The thing is.. He's actually constantly messaging and calling me and wants to meet. So confusing 😭
Hey hey'. Been kind of there too... You don't love the person.. you just gave her power over your emotions.. its called attachement and you have to work on yourself to free yourself from it
I’m in the same situation and it is incredibly PAINFUL. When I manage to break free, I WILL NEVER EVER give my attention to a man who is not free.
right literally
I recently got to know a guy who wanted to sleep with me and tried to guilt trip me when I didn't. His real character was revealed and when I declined he showed it. It takes time to get to know someone. Casual sex and moving too fast is Dangerous. You never know a person until you get to know them, you could be sleeping with a psychopath or abuser.
It's all about boundaries and no expectations. I just did exactly this with a girl I saw potential with , let my fantasy take over and caused the pull back .
This happens to men too?!!
@@montserrattorresnadal5087 All the time!
same here :( any tips on how to get them back after the pull back besides space and time?
@@LiLxWEiRD0x don't chase em replace em .my only advice
@@LiLxWEiRD0x yea gang once that shi happens she lookin at you differently. Best to move on tbh
I really needed this
I looked up “how to stop obsessing over a new potential relationship” and this hits it right on the head.
I’ve been toxic in the past;
Obsessive, pushy, jealous…
I’ve been cheated on and I am self conscious with my appearance and can’t imagine someone having true feelings for me
I am mentally destroyed
And this person is really everything I’ve ever needed in my life, complimenting my insecurities
Having the same hobbies
Balancing each other out
Etc etc…
The way you calmed your tone when you said “we’ll see” made me feel a lot calmer …
I need to just be myself and go with the flow
I wish I can come back to this comment in 3-6 months from today and tell my past self what happens.
Or give myself advice…
I am so stuck in a loop and I hope this ends up working and i don’t sabotage it like I have many many times before
Any news?
It’s also good to take a second and do some breathing exercises when you feel your mind running. The inhale 4 seconds hold for 7 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds for about 25 repetitions helps to calm your mind down when you feel it racing
@@linfrommdl he lives with me now but we are broken up, we jumped into it too fast and he tells me he loves me more now than he did when we first met - but we are just taking it one day at a time, he’s the first person in my life that buys me things and doesn’t expect anything in return, not that it matters but it’s just the little things I notice - although we’re broken up we still are semi exclusive, we don’t like when the other talks to another person as more than friends- I can’t tell if that’s toxic or not but what I do know is I feel secure with him and I know he feels the same with me- the one thing tho is that I think I have more feelings for him than he does me, BUT I won’t doubt At all that he has strong feelings for me because the moment there’s an argument or anything like that he expresses his feelings toward me and just is protective over me and keeps coming back when he doesn’t have to (metaphorically as well as physically …altho he just moved in, cuz we were spending every day together and I told him that he should just stay with me instead of with his roommate)
Idk
To sum it up, we’re not official but we’re together and we’re closer than ever before
The downside is I get jealous really easily but I don’t express it much, I keep it to myself because I know how unattractive that can be
Sorry for any typos I have a broken hand cuz he ran me over last week
Lmao
It was an accident tho I swear 😅 we’ve shared so many experiences together since I left my comment
He met my parents and family and I’ve met his and they tell him they love me for him
But ultimately, we aren’t together anymore because we both agreed we jumped into it way too fast and it’s time to take it slow and see if this is something that can work out in the long run. It’s scary honestly but it’s all worth it
@@cesg7749 thank you I’m gonna Try this next time I feel it coming 💙
@@linfrommdl btw seeing that I left this comment 4 months ago was pretty shocking just now, I didn’t even realize it’s been that long I had to do the math
We met august 22 and started dating September 1 and broke up October 1
Only one month dating but 5 months together
I always say "we'll see" to peole, and I still get obsessed xD and like you said, i can't bring my true self after fearing to loose the relationship... but I fight it cause ... we'll see
I struggle with anxious attachment and OMG I felt like You were talking straight to me. Thank you for this.
I am sooooo completely guilty of this.
It takes about 90 days for someone to show who they truly are
So relatable! I got this way with the last guy I went out with. I refer to it as a "case of the crazies" and whenever I get this way it never works out because I'm not loving myself or living in reality. I realized I have stuff to work on with this last guy and I'm taking a break from dating to just focus on me, myself, and I 💜
It’s tough when you’re making them a better version of themself in your own mind. Be willing to walk away. It keeps them off the pedestal.
I've caused too much hurt to myself being obsessed with this person... and I couldn't shake the feeling that it felt like a one-sided affair.. I think this vid really helps me see it for what it's for... gonna temper my emotions from now on and wait.
Thanks for the advice, and I guess.. "I'll see" where it leads me too
In honor of Mother’s Day, my mom ALWAYS reminds me to slow down, even after a fantastic first date. 💕
I'm a very easy going, calm, open and mature guy, so when a women says "we'll see" it is such a turn off for me and it usually indicates they like to play immature mind game rather than being upfront about their feelings.
I understand IT IS NECESSARY when you seem desperat, but if that's not the case....
Just make sure you use "we'll see" in a playful flirty tone😘 and smile😬. Then he should melt
This is exactly what I am going through atm. Thank you so much for giving me a realistic perspective on the situation. It reassured me.
I have been the queen of self sabotage in the past. I work so hard to self preserve and end up projecting and pushing them away before they F me up.. lol we live and learn
Perfect timing for me
Same, I was really getting amped up 😅
Great video I'm going to send this to my son who is depressed and shattered after like two dates with this girl that he met recently. I love how you broke it down into layman's terms and put into words things that we never even think about while pursuing somebody we think we care about and want to make a long-term relationship with. Very articulate brain there man
share this with your friends that are looking for someone. we need to live in reality and not our imagination when we choose this other person as our partner. Don't fall in love with potential
I have been divorced for 3 years after more than 20 years of marriage. What I have discovered as I tried to dip into the “dating pool” is that I’m becoming obsessed with how much I miss my husband.
Thank you for posting this. I’m a dude and specifically looked this up because I do this every time and this last time (last week) was the first time I realized it was me that was the problem. I feel like I want to skip the dating and get right to the relationship because I was married for so long and I don’t want to go through that journey again. I also have to stop comparing her and how she txt me all the time or just wanted to talk to every other girl because we had known each other for a long time beforehand
My dating life sucks because even tho I go on many dates, I am not attracted to the guys I meet. This is so frustrating! They may be good looking, kind, family orientated, having a good job and bright future ahead but... I feel nothing, n-o-t-h-i-n-g! Many times, I'd tell myself to give it some time and do not give up on someone after just one date. Second date is usually a torture for me, I literally must convince myself that I should give it a go. There is never a third date as I can not do it. The worst part is, these guys do not get a hint that I am not interested and they continue to text/call and this is so annoying. Especially, when there is nothing interesting in their messages... How are you? or What you're doing? They just seem very desperate, getting hooked on too much too soon or simply having no life of their own...
On the other hand, when I finally meet someone I am attracted to, it turns out they're just looking for a fling.
After 2 years of being single, I dated someone for 2 months and was so pleased every time he texted, called or came to take me on a date. I even met his brothers, he also moved closer to me. I kept it cool, still learning if he's even a husband material and the right one for me. Not much time passed when I called him out on something, he was sorry and promised to make it up to me. He didn't. Soon, I called him out again on similar thing and I distanced myself. That's when his attitude changed completely. All of the sudden he was like ''I'm a single wolf but I'll come around if you need someone to keep you warm''. I said it's a deal only losers make and I cut him off.
Good for you that you cut him off, what on earth was he thinking?
@Laura UK I went to summer party few weeks ago and met an educated, successful and very aware of her worth woman. We talked about men and she said: '''okay so you want kind, ambitious and hot man, good guy with an edge... in this case I need to ask you this, are you ready to share? Because many women want this man''.
I have many options but I crave to have just one person by my side, with men is often the opposite- when they see they have many options, they would explore rather than stick to one.
This is basically obsessing over the idea they are the perfect match even though you haven't figured that out yet. You just imagine that in your head.
I wasn't obsessed at all and I remember he used to tell me that you're so chill about everything but after 2 years of relationship I got a little obsessed and jealous , I hate this feeling. It makes me feel weak :)
“We’ll see” 💜
Oh gosh! This video was calling me out. I have such a problem with fantasizing about how a relationship could be and I get so wrapped up in that I don’t see the red flags or I get so excited and obsessed and if they don’t treat me how I pictured them or I worry I will lose their interest and my anxiety gets triggered and it is a mess. I am learning to calm down and live in the present.
this really hit for me as a man, i get so excited and give myself expectations even when i shouldn't have any! I'm definitely guilty of the things he was saying like telling my friends about the person and when it doesn't work out then my friends will ask "what happened to the girl you were talking to?" and I feel guilty every time because I get too excited. Thank you for this video, t's nice to hear this stuff at times, especially when I'm at the point where I want to look for a loving relationship
I'm really liking this new girl after heartbreak. But if she leaves me today it's ok, because I know there's people out there who can give me this spark,even if she's not the one for me
It's very beneficial to your own heart as well as the other person's to not be investing 100% from day one. There has to be more left to discover, and I loved the line you said about seeing if their positive personality traits turn into their true character or if it's just a performance on a date. Well done 🤘
I'm a dude and this I needed to hear. 10/10 advice.
My friends do that all the time lol I have learned that not saying anything until I actually get that job or start a relationship with someone. Because the hype will only make the loss that much worse for me.
Projection...Transference...Limerence....Idealisation....I've experienced intense infatuation with certain individuals since early childhood. I think it is because my mother died when I was 4 and I'm from a dysfunctional, trauma bonded family. I'm only now starting to gain awareness of this pattern. Putting someone on a pedestal, which happens automatically for me, I don't DECIDE to put someone on a pedestal, it infact overwhelms me. I'm tired of this pattern now! I'm 46
Matthew's advice helps , he explains things in a clear way.
I wish this video had been available 3 weeks ago when I was doing exactly this and completely self-sabotaged with a potentially great guy. I freaked out, which freaked him out and off he went. And now I’m beating myself up so hard and just wish I’d kept my phone out of my way and mouth shut.
Wow. This one video of advice just saved me at least $300+ in therapy appointments!! You made it make so much sense to me. I’m a 42 year old woman married for 22 years now. And tho I wasn’t obsessive with my husband, I definitely was when I met my half brother, when I was 34. I came with so much expectations and fantasizing of what our relationship was (not sexual) that it ruined what could have been. I portrayed the ugliest version of myself when certain expectations weren’t met on his end. I felt like we had to make up for so much lost time. But he lives in NC and I in Texas. Both with families and lives. But I just kept feeling like I was the only one putting any time and effort into our relationship. Anyhow just wanted to mention ways this can effect other relationships besides just between lovers and daters. This video is much appreciated 👏🏻
Damn I really needed to hear that. I'm having the date on wednesday. Wish me luck
have a great date! bye
good luck!
Good luck, you will smash it 😊
Good luck!
Bruh soo much cringe when i remember all the things I’ve done wrong in the dating world, makes me toss and turn night. This fantasized idealizing bit me hard recently, saw all the green flags and only wanted them to cater to my needs. The flaws and what they wanted was ignored and now i know why we are barely talking anymore. We live and we learn. Always be true to yourself and realize that your gut is always right.
I've been trying to get over my 12th grade crush for a couple of months. Actually I've liked him for more than a year and I opened up to him this summer but in the end it didn't go well. And the worst part is that he's a jerk and I'm aware of that but I still obsess over him. And I believe it's coming from my insecurity problems. A year ago he showed me signs of attraction but I was too shy to interact with him and he didn't really try hard. He got himself a girlfriend a couple of weeks later. I was okay at first just a bit disappointed but by time i became more obsessed with him and was jeaolus of him and his girlfirend. They seemed so happy even though it was so far from the kind of relationship that I wanted. Anyways because I'm so shy and also have social anxiety it's so hard for me to interact with people especially with the opposite gender. And I think I got obsessed with him because i thought nobody else would find me attractive like him. I don't even think he's a good person but my obsession has been going on for so long now. Anyways I finally deleted his pics and our text messages today. I don't want to feel like shit anymore.
Good job it’s tough getting over someone but small steps 🎉
Way to go girl..
You deserve better. 👏
Fir the first time, I really like someone but I am NOT obsessing and I’m not practicing ANY self restraint, I am not playing it cool or hard to get either. I am at peace, i am waiting to see developments, i am giving the appropriate time and space to us both and not just as a facade or on the outside while I secretly plan our future and stalk them on the internet and have to stop myself from texting “I think I LOVE you, what do you think of me?” LOL! Yikes. I took the midnight train straight outta cringetown and i finally feel like a grown woman with true awareness of my value and my worthiness of taking my time!!!
This is my natural state when liking someone a lot now, where it used to be 100% obsessed and already married with children in my head, to the other person! Lol. I always had that anxiety when awaiting a text or response, I felt disappointed when they didn’t react or didn’t respond how I wanted or was expecting and a lot of times I jumped the gun and ended up hurting the other person bc I discovered I didn’t like them as much as I thought and declared and then I’d freak out and run for the hills. What a basket case!
How did I get here from there? I had a long history of fast tracking relationships only to end them after the firework’s subsided when I discovered we weren’t even at all compatible, I’d break up and run. I finally got engaged and felt like that was it! It started like all the other unhealthy ones and in reality was only different because i chose a very toxic and dangerous person who hurt me very badly in almost every way. So then a very hard breakup, my hardest ever! It broke me down so much that I had no desire to ever try again. So I didn’t.
I deliberately took some time (2 years) off from dating and sex altogether to be with myself, know and learn to truly love myself. I began to do the work to heal my past and I gained a strong sense of individual purpose and self esteem by teaching my self to rely only on myself and not be addicted to “love”, I broke my serial monogamy/rushing pattern. I became more level headed and realistic. I chose to not be driven solely by a need to be loved, admired and given affection and attention.
I feel like THIS is winning and this is loving myself and this is the right path to finding the right person for me!
I just really hope it’s this guy! What do you guys think? He probably likes me too right? It’s just he didn’t text back tonight and I KNOW he read my message. 😉
Just Kidding!
Expectations down.
Authenticity up.
Chemistry and time will decide if it feels right in the long run.
Damn, all of these things. And we hadn’t even been on a date yet 😓. We’d been talking/texting and had some walks together (you may call them dates; they weren’t), but did I know what it would be like to be in a relationship with her? No, but I already envisioned how it could be. And of course it was absolutely wonderful in my mind. I should’ve had a “we’ll see” attitude, but that’s hard when everything felt a million times better whenever she was around.
I kinda lost myself and sabotaged whatever we had, but that projection is still in my head. And even if the reality could’ve been a tenth of that, I would’ve been a happy man. To never know what it could’ve been like… That hurts and it’s certainly part of what makes it hard to move on. If only I could’ve learned my lessons more quickly. Perhaps we would’ve been just friends (even that doesn’t seem likely now), maybe more than that, but it definitely would’ve saved both of us a lot of pain 😔
@@redrumax I would argue against those being dates, because neither of us had any romantic intentions or anything like that, although looking back I probably had feelings for her already without really knowing or acknowledging it. I was super nervous, especially during our last walk, though I still enjoyed it a lot. It was my favourite day of 2021 and one of my favourite days in general. Before you ask, nothing happened between us. It was just… wonderful being there with her.
Either way, it doesn’t really matter. I messed up later on and… Well, it sucks.
Let's call it what it is often: limerence! It has a lot to do with childhood and unsolved issues from there including insecurities and having some attachment style.
First time hearing that word, but wow does it encapsulates this state of mind perfectly. We desperately long for the love and affection from this person, sometimes after having received objectively, little to nothing from them. That little spark of excitement can quickly grow into a fire within our minds if we aren't careful with our thoughts...
It's for this reason, projection, that I think we should be wary about when we feel "rejected." We're not rejected by people who we go on a date or two with...we're rejected by somebody who actually knows us.
That is very true, and vice versa the rejection by someone we hardly know is more about our projection on to them. I guess this all happens at the subconscious level based on our childhood experiences, etc.
But we can gain more conscious awareness with each new experience of meeting someone new.
I'm determined to start accepting people for what they are - not my idealised version of them.
Unless the person you've been living with for a year 'remembers you' as the fantasy version and everything real is just downgrade from that. Doesn't mean they know us, they actually never did, lol.
Just talk to that person but act true with little to no barriers and that way you kinda feel fulfilled and can be patient until you see that person again
In my months of working on myself this is probably the best piece of information I have gotten
min 5:00 “We’ll see” is a very powerful phrase
I totally agree with you. But there's an exception. When you're an energy reader and trust your intuition, you don't see the 100% of the person of course, but you can see a lot, and both positive and not so positive things. But you have to be conscious of all this to know what's real what may be not.
I never got wrong so...I trust myself completely. 🙂
THAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNKK YOOOOOOOOUUUU! 🙏
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear! My anxiety has already shot way down, just from this video 😊
These 2 little words, "we'll see" will be my mantra from now on 🤗
There's a song that describes this state of mind perfectly - 'Just My Imagination' by The Temptations.
What this and his “Take your power back” video. Absolutely enlightening and the way he describes it, it all makes sense.
theee best channel for dating or personal growth without throwing a sponsorship for 3/4 of the video
Needed this! Thank you!
What a legendary person you are, everytime I'm in any doubt I come to your wisdom and charisma, and recharge.
I'll never be angry/bitter as long as I keep trying to improve - Thank you Matthew
Thank you. I really needed this!
Thanks for existing!❤
Thank you, Matthew, I needed this! 😊
Thanks so much for this wonderful advice! This is super helpful 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
You have the best timing! Just what I needed!!
I needed to hear this. Thank you!!
You are the best Matthew!!!! I have needed this all my life!
This calmed me down a lot. Thank you
Thank you for these! These happen to me 👏👏 Thank you Thank you
This is absolutely all i needed to hear
Great video! Thanks for sharing!
This is so relevant to me that’s it’s literally cutting me up :( people can do little about how they feel
great video, I feel Matthew's content has gotten a lot deeper over the years
Perfect timing!
I love this, Matthew you are very wise as usual. Big thanks!
As a man this advice is excellent, we similarly get caught up and project those powerful emotions and future scenarios. Thank you 🙌
Hands down one of the best videos I have ever seen!
Omg this is exactly what I’m going through right now. Thank you for this video it helped a lot. I feel like because I’ve been lacking love and attention from my spouse that once I encounter someone who actually shows me attention I become obsessed for this person.
Wow I really needed this
This is on point. Thank you.
Thanks for this! 'we'll see'😉 perfect
This is completely correct and is extremely informative
Absolutely brilliant.