Viewer Question: Will I regret waiting until marriage?
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- čas přidán 3. 01. 2024
- A response to the question by @niksk3256 on whether the sacrifice of waiting until marriage to have sex is worth it
#dating #relationships #celibacy #monogamy #marriage
I love your videos and I feel like people forget that every experience is unique and that’s the beauty of it. Internet and social made us relate to people we don’t even know and try to mimic their ways. I love how you pointed out that was your experience and you regretted based on what happened after not on the whole waiting. You can wait and be with someone who is not compatible with you or not wait and be burned out by underwhelming experiences. At the end of the day it’s a decision you take alone and face the consequences alone
You really do such a wonderful job talking about this difficult topics with nuance. Keep them coming.
We tend to get stuck talking about sex as some binary thing: sticking a penis in a particular location. That is sex! I like the way Esther Perel discusses sex: It is not a thing we do; it is a place we go. It is the totality of our connection with another human being: The touch on the shoulder, the kiss in the morning, the kind note you leave your partner, the flirtatious text you send your partner, the bid for connections you send each other every day, the conversations you have about what you like/dislike about your physical intimacy, the laugh you have during intimacy when things go wrong, etc.
It has always been my experience that the best of sex was not the intimate physical act itself; it was all the little things that led up to the physical act itself.
I'm one of those who've decided to wait until marriage but i know that I'll be compared to the exes partners of my future husband since I'm not experienced on it. Living in a country where everything revolves around it, an active sexual life is portrayed here (Brazil ) as important as air and I don't even expect to marry someone virgin (as i am).
knowing myself as I do is unimaginable to me get into such a personal interaction without commitment and considering the fact that a child could be Born out of it without having a safe environment, or the vital foundation for one's life (family and genuine love). I truly believe that a baby is the greatest bless someone could ever have so in my case (I'm a woman) I wouldn't risk bringing this such precious thing to the world without having a solid, healthy, caring and protective environment to welcome it. I'm 23 now and I have no idea wether or not I'm gonna regret this decision in the future but what I do know now is that what I'm willing to offer on a marriage goes way beyond than body ( time, love, loyalty and effort) and I'm pretty aware of all the hard decision and sacrifices such endeavor requires.
I personally decided to only experience intimate relationship with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with but no judgements towards those who thinks differently. I think it would be great for you to make a video about dealing with a child's birth out of a context of a serious relationship. I detect a stoic approach in a lot of your content and hope it reaches to more people. Your content is tremendously relevant.
Thank you for your response Chris! I love your opinion, it definitely does help. Keep producing these amazing videos.
Very pragramatic and logical. Once again, well done.
I love how nuanced your response is
Thank you. It doesn't get clicks as well as promising people all the answers, but it's more helpful.
The average woman doesn't marry her 1st choice; she marries someone who is "safe" and likely a good provider - she marries someone she thinks is good enough and can't do any better than her. Surprise surprise when she isn't interested in sex with this man and does anything she can to avoid intimacy with him. Then she gets rewarded for getting divorced with all the cash and prizes and the guy is still scratching his head, wondering what the hell happened. He doesn't realize that he wasn't who she wanted. Rather, he was the best she thought she could get at the time, and she knew going in that she was only going to put up with him for long enough to get 60% of everything.
I grew up in the evangelical church. I do not believe in waiting, not after all that I have seen and experienced. I think this is even more true if you don’t have a strong belief in waiting, and you are just doing it because your partner wants it. That is so risky, because you don’t have the same values from the very beginning. I saw so many people rush marriage, or get married way too young. I saw so many of these couples end up in bizarre divorces. They couldn’t understand why their marriage didn’t work, because they saved sex for marriage, and that was supposed to make the marriage work. I saw couples that have lasted long term, but they admit they are not very sexually active. I wish I was never raised with that belief system, and I could have had a normal life. The hang ups around sex that long term celibacy creates, especially celibacy during those early adult years, never really goes away. You just give up trying to figure it out after awhile. It isn’t an issue of not being able to compare, it more of an issue of not having any idea what is wrong, and no way to figure it out. Everyone thinks the older generation waited and turned out fine, but they didn’t. My mother hates sex, and thinks it’s disgusting, and my grandmother is similar.
This is an excellent comment. I'm a woman and I completely agree with you.
I want to let you know that your Videos Are so Important. Thank you for your videos. I was in a Similar situation and I left the realtionship. In the end its your girlfriend who should you have Sex with ? Other than cheating.
Imagine committing to someone without GBD… or having GBD and choosing not to have sex. Both are impossible
Context matters: if she's a virgin who desperately wants to marry him and have him forever, that's different than someone who isn't just trying to make the guy wait longer than the men she was actually attracted to.
What is GBD?
@@andrea-mj9ce Genuine burning desire
I remained celibate for 5 years during my relationship but i was disappointed waiting as it was boring... A work in progress...if i knew different i wouldn't wait again ... I know waiting makes the relationship stronger but i beg to differ...
I appreciate you addressing this topic. (Side note - it is amazing to me that you can read the bible in the original languages. That's impressive.) I just did a practice video on this exact topic because it's so important. Personally, I don't believe in waiting until marriage. But I also think it depends on the person. If a person has decided that it's best for them to wait until marriage, that's fine. But what I usually see is a lot of religious programming about waiting until marriage and I think this is extremely detrimental. If a person has truly gone within themselves and decided to wait, that's one thing. If they're waiting because their religion is telling them to do so, that's completely something else. I believe there is a middle road where you can be discerning about who you have sex with/make love with. I was a hyper sexual person when I was young and that was not good. But having zero experience isn't good either. Each person must make their own decision and, unfortunately, there isn't much guidance as society tends to swing towards either being extremely religious or extremely permissive. I think the important thing is to harness your sexual energy. This isn't talked about often enough. I wish I would have known about this when I was young because I would have benefited from doing so...I wouldn't have been so permissive. For men, harnessing their sexual energy is one of the most challenging things they'll ever do, but it's also rewarding. Use your discernment with who you sleep with. As Chris mentioned in this video, you could have the best sex with an unstable woman, but is it worth it in the long run? Be careful who you open yourself up to. Sex is the most intimate act you can do with someone. Make sure that person is worth it.
"Don't rush into a deeper commitment until you've seen someone at their worst." You hit the nail on the head with this sentence. Too many people rush to make a lifelong commitment when they're in the honeymoon phase - the first two years. I think you really need to be through some difficult situations to see how you both handle adversity and to see if you will be there for one another.
Comparing yourself to others is the Death to Your Peace and well-being. The regret that he's talking about is that he's not in the tribe. Those that have a tribe mentality will usually die along with the tribe
Perhaps. He seemed to have deleted his comment. I saw he got some grief from other commenters for even asking his question, which is unfortunate and not something I want here.
Hopefully he replies to clarify. But I assumed that he was talking about missing the opportunity of "sowing his wild oats".
But that is possibly influenced by my own thinking: I sometimes wished I had discovered that I wasn't ugly and unloveable earlier in my life. I would have had many more loving connections with women and not spent so much time feeling lonely and unwanted.
Hi yes, I did end up deleting that comment. Yeah the comments were quite overwhelming to hear. But yes i also pose the question would it be something a man would regret if he missed out on ‘sowing his wild oats’ Theres always stories of man who commit infidelity, while married.
@@niksk3256hi, I am a married guy who just slept with one person and while I do have stray thoughts about other people and the "what could have been", I am more than happy to give that up for the relationship that I have today.
The other elements that the video covered are way more important. Especially the "does she say sorry".
The sex can be amazing but afterwards you have a whole person to deal with. Remember that.
@@Xairos84 Hi, thank you for sharing your opinion. It’s definitely a brilliant way of thinking.
Its a beautiful thing you waited till marriage but there is no judgement if someone does before. Society has normalised it as we live in a very sexualy charged society. Each to their own.