All the lonely people | Karen Dolva | TEDxArendal
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- čas přidán 16. 10. 2017
- Karen Dolva
Title: CEO and co-founder of No Isolation
Dolva is the CEO and co-founder of No Isolation. Her background is in UX/interaction design and informatics and she has previously co-founded the consultancy company UX Lab. With her co-founders, Marius Aabel and Matias Doyle, she has taken No Isolation to 36 employees, build AV1 for children with long-term illness, expanded sales 5 countries and started development of a senior product in less than two years. No Isolation’s goal is to help as many people as possible out of social isolation and loneliness by making technology available for those who can not just use generic solutions to stay connected.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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This is one of 27 TEDx talks and performances from the TEDxArendal Conference September 8th and 9th 2017, where leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more. Follow TEDxArendal on Instagram: / tedxarendal and news on Twitter: / tedxarendal Like TEDxArendal on Facebook: / tedxarendal
Kategori Ideelt arbeid og aktivisme
Lisens Standard CZcams-lisens Karen Dolva is the CEO and co-founder of No Isolation. Her background is in UX/interaction design and informatics and she has previously co-founded the consultancy company UX Lab.
With her co-founders, Marius Aabel and Matias Doyle, she has taken No Isolation to 36 employees, build AV1 for children with long-term illness, expanded sales 5 countries and started development of a senior product in less than two years. No Isolation’s goal is to help as many people as possible out of social isolation and loneliness by making technology available for those who can not just use generic solutions to stay connected. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
The worst kind of loneliness is when your surrounded by people and yet cant talk or share what's really on our minds and feelings
I totally get it
Not the worst. Sealed in a cave is worse. But, I get what you're saying.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 I've experienced both. They're the same. Both have pros and cons. I can't go outside anymore, but atleast I'm not stressed about masking my loneliness
That’s why I try to be that person for others. I may not be able to perfectly relate or make that feeling go away, but I’m not gonna shoot anybody down.
True...
"Getting out and meeting people" means being lonely in crowded places.
@ Paul Moore .... Your comment makes me think of the following song line from 'Dance Away' by Roxy Music ... " Loneliness is a crowded room full of hoping hearts turned to stone, all together all alone" .
I know that feeling....
i agree, i try to mingle with people, go to malls, go into social media; but i still feel lonely and desperate...
That's the realest thing I've read today!
Doesn't have to be man
Its sad the fact that the only people who can truly relate to you aren't your family, friends, but people on the internet going through the same struggles you are going through
I always wanted a group to come together…without fb, in a safe space and meet and communicate 😍
@@cbcbmail1125 yes me too
@@cbcbmail1125 I agree with you
@@cbcbmail1125 i have that right now and its the best thing ever
Totally agree 😢😢😢
I don't remember where I've heard this, but it's true: "the worst thing about loneliness is that you get used to it".
No you dont
@@masterenos I did
I got used to it, but it affected my bones - they started to hurt so bad I got a bone scan. The scan came out fine and I realized it was buried loneliness. My bones stopped hurting at that realization, but now the loneliness persists.
Way to used to it, to the point you don't want anyone around anyway
Being alone isn't scary. Being lonely isn't scary. No one noticing that you are alone and lonely, that, that is scary.
People don't care when you're alone they care when they are alone
That's so true.
That's true. 😭
Not true. I have ALWAYS cared when my friends in the past felt lonely...
But it is ALSO TRUE... that now that the tables are turned--I can find no such help, solace, etc.
NO ONE calls me. No one. I used to call everyone. Now--they don't pick up for me. Makes sense. Fate is sometimes not without a sense of humor, and... there are some Fates worse than Death. Mine.
Prakhar Sharma Everyone is selfish these days. Ignoring us and hanging out with their friends, they just walk over us.
do ur bit to change that then. call someone you think is lonely
died at 18
buried at 65.
Smh, you're trying too hard
Too long to be buried
So it's not a crime to shoot you because basically you are a zombie
Same here but rebirth can come
For me its like 14
Her eyes speak how painful it is to be lonely. A huge respect for her.
She really is beutiful a woman of substance.
I mean how can she be lonely like seriously come tf on
@@saysyke2867 Why do you say that.?
@@saysyke2867 its more common than we realize. We guys experience a different kind of loneliness, but a beautiful woman still feels it.
@@paulcooper5748 May she get lovely beautiful and caring soulmate
The worst type of loneliness is having "friends" but at the end of the day feeling like they wouldn't notice if you were gone. Like you don't really matter
So true. It is a terrible feeling
Yeah-- ik how that feels.. even though my friends would say they missed me, but it didn't show.......... I'm just used to be all lonely with no irl friends, and even when I wanted to make friends, they wouldn't mind me much anyway... because they are "taken"
I always hated it when the "popular" ones would only take the glory---
It is now years between when I hear from my "friends" now after I gave up trying to keep the contact...
exactly
Yeah. I think we all need love and meaningful relationships where someone really knows us and cares about us. Casual social stuff is good but it's not enough.
This woman sounds like she is about to burst out crying any second.
probably because of the anxiety of being in front of a crowd
She's doing a marvellous job nonetheless. I think it just makes her delivery more powerful.
Because she i nervous and norwegian haha
@@benalexander2104 Yes she is definitely doing a fantastic job... and in fact I would argue that Tinder is one of the biggest contributors to loneliness, people on the app actually believe they can find a supermodel (male or female) and so normal people in their social circle are no longer good enough. So now you have people that stay single for longer (not withstanding one night stands of coarse) waiting for that "perfect" person.
i find her adorable
the pain in her voice...
I was just thinking about that...
Pain or nerves? I didn’t know
Bit of both
You can feel it...
i think its just her accent
The type of loneliness that hurts me the most is when you finally open up to someone you care about and thought you could trust, and then they betray you. Because what is the point of sharing in order to not feel lonely, if it makes you end up in an even worst place?
agree, i keep it with myself, life is a suffering anyway, I die one way or another
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. Be more positive.
@@vghr6100 you’re right
@@vghr6100 you’re right
It happened to me so many times 🙂
She's talking with tears in her eyes and trembling hands, yet give such a great message to the world.
Mad respect to her.
She is nervous that's why
I can’t be the only one that spends my day job being incredibly nice to everyone, putting on a massive happiness front, then goes home every night to nothing and nobody? Netflix is my best friend these days 💀
❤️❤️
I do the same then go home to a cat..I plan outings by myself..I have tried to plan trips & things w others...I still do things by myself😔 You gotta keep going😨
This is my exact existence. The other day my workplace told me that I didn't have to stay late. I said, "It's OK, I'm just going home to an empty house." 😔
Its because they can sense thay it is a front and not who you are. Thats why you are lonely
Same with me
Her solution to loneliness is to call a friend as she says in the end of her video. Some of us aren't even fortunate enough to have even that luxury.
Reality Check Truth!
So many people are saying that, but you clearly missed they point. She wasnt saying that to people that are lonely, but to all of people. It was call for action to people so they reach out to other people.
or the blessing not to have one... but then again if you never had a friend how you can tell
Calling a friend isn't gonna help you..... What will help you is working on your self worth.
@0000 I came to the decision that relationships (not romantic necessarily) online can be just as valid as relationships in the physical world. I looked at the time the people I spent with people who wanted to talk to me online, and I looked at the time that people who wanted to spend time with me physically, and those online outweighed the time of people in the physical world. Therefore I think that if somebody online consciously makes the decision to spend their time with you, make the most of it. Everyone only has so much time in this life, if they're choosing to spend it with you, then why should their friendship and companionship be any less real than those in the physical world? I'm not disputing that relationships are the healthier option if possible, the way we are wired is to engage all of our senses in the way we communicate, but that's no reason at the same time to dismiss online relationships.
“You all have that friend...” actually no we don’t all have that friend.
I will be your friend, unfortunately I can be only online friend bcz most of my friends are from Philippines, Vietnam, Jordan, West Europe but I live in southeast Europe. Most of them have loneliness problem wich mean they will never 1st send msg but I send them, so keep trying u must believe in yourself 🙂. I hope this comment make u happy at least for 10seconds untill u read them.
Hey. I would like to be your friend. Just don't feel alone. I don't know how i can reach out to you, but if there's a way, Lemme know.
Same
True.
@@nnzrsinanovic2772 your a wonderful guy
but the bad part of loneliness is when i try to talk with strangers and they think i'm freak or intrusive😐
I agree. It's a cultural thing. In my home country is totally normal to approach a stranger and strike a conversation. In a bus stop, ride sharing, waiting rooms, etc... anywhere we go, we can talk to anyone and it does not feel awkward at all.
@@exceptionaltalentspc4954 What country?
Right? I have given up on making friends
@@heatherm8736 Never give up🙏🏽
y
*Watches video to feel better*
"You're going to get dementia and heart disease"
nice
hahaha XD
@@xMrJanuaryx Lol that means we get to die earlier right? RIIIGHT?
Lol
Yup well i guess ill be dead before reaching 30 yrs old then 😅
maximillion2k haha dont worry qt least we not alone
She looks nervous but I admire her courage to stand up in front of that large crown and speaking.
This x 10^6
She is very courageous and delivering a heartfelt message to us all. To reach out to each other more.
@@andydixon2980 I get the feeling, Andy, you don't have any trouble with people reaching out to you. :)
@@aiahzohar5636 I know what its like to feel lonely(i think we all do), and I think its something we all have to deal with, come to terms with etc. The secret is(in my opinion), to not try to avoid it but to realise that time alone is important, to learn about ourselves and what makes us happy, rather than attempt to seek happiness through someone else.
It's better to be alone and grow stronger in yourself than to hang out with the wrong people, just for the sake of company. :)
Yes, she seems stressed out which is making me stressed out.
"There's nothing cool or brave or great about going through life alone."
but that is how society want men to be
you will say men have wife and kids, but in practice men are all alone they have been told to keep it by themself, they give not receive, regardless if they have a family or not.
maybe that is one of the main reason why they die faster than women
@@flowerofash4439 No it's not. That is bad programming and unhealthy upbringing. Men are human just like women and they all deserve and have the right to have needs to feel and speak up.
Hang on so what's your point You're going to go comfort a bunch of lonely people?
@@archtura7276 read my comment. I said they can feel and cry because they’re human. Also, there are social workers and therapists for a reason.
@@jewelslove2200 whoops I think my reply was meant to be to the main comment not your comment
It is almost a crime to be lonely. Everyone pretends to be cool and have friends, because otherwise people will think that there are something wrong with you.
There are way more lonely people than we can imagine.
It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to just admit" "I am lonely and I need help."
You’re too pretty to be lonely.
Agreed when i hang out with other people, i could sense their loneliness just like mine. But we are just kept silent about it to each other and decided to have a usual meaningless small talk
@@elpacho....9254 that doesn’t even make any sense
@@Kirsten4260 it makes sense to ilma.
I hope that after this speech someone gave this girl a hug.
I'd like to give her more than just a hug.
@@patrickshenton769 Me too, I'd give her a high five and a thumbs up. Ooh and maybe a fist bump. I'm glad I'm not the only one who wanted to give her more than just a hug.
Her beautiful smile breaks through very often, as if there is no problem..
@@patrickshenton769 LoL
Or a pet
I believe loneliness is caused when there is a lack of vulnerability in friendships, they are only surface level and has no depth and true feelings and thoughts are not shared and known but instead shallow conversations and topics are entertained.
I very much agree with your statement!
Oh my god you have just put in the words an idea I have had in my head but could not express it
Jeff Hook nah, that’s why my girlfriend *stayed*
@Jeff Hook good luck on finding your own - or a culture where that is normal
Have to have friends to begin with. I don’t have friends. Never had a gf and probably won’t ever have either. Life has been nothing but cruel. And I’m 29 already. Been alone for more than 10 years now without 1 friend. Every potential friend has always left in some way. Heck the best friend I had from kindergarten all the way through high school graduation acts like I don’t exist anymore.
I often think, why in this world with billions of people, we can't find one friend?
This woman is visibly terrified, her voice is shaky, she's obviously way out of her comfort zone, yet she's still speaking. Her need to communicate a message she believes in, wins over her fear. Ladies and gentlemen, witness courage in action.
Even CZcams recommendation knows I'm lonely 😂
bruh it's no news that google is listening to your microphone, and spying on you
@@user-xz4ck8zs2u Omg, I knew it. Hide everyone.
FBI OPEN THE DOOR!!!
@@user-xz4ck8zs2u google listen to what? there is no one to talk to. Even google would get bored spying.
Omg ! I thought about the same
so much sadness in her eyes, so much stress in her voice..
i wish random hugs on the street were just as normal as taking pics of the food you're eating and sharing it on insta.
i'm sending a hug to every person that is reading this, you are not alone
i wake up every morning wishing for a hug but don't know who to get it from...
I don’t think I want strangers touching me🙄
*virtual hug*
Hugs to you too, kind samaritain
@Fu Manchu Tears sells good
I think something that makes this even worse is that people who are more socially awkward, and therefore tend to avoid social interactions, will be more likely to be lonely. Then, if they try to connect to people, they feel awkward, and with the lack of practice, will seclude themselves again, and continue to silently suffer.
Yes.
Well if people were friendly and not cold abusers that wouldn't be a problem in the first place
@@rol407Exactly. The reason they make you pay for every little mistake is they have bad manners. And people with bad manners are quite objectively worthless.
Me reading the comments and finding all the friends I never had. Loneliness is a lack of connection and here is a place where we all connect with a common suffering across countries and cultures. Sending you all love. Even in the comments section of a CZcams video can we find just a little more hope out there.
Hi
@@rhodamwende1736 hi
Hello, that was a wonderful insight
sometimes I feel selfish reaching out to people as if I am using them as a cure for my loneliness even though I do care about them.
Alex S. No never think like this, this is not true,
Alex S. If you do care about them, then is not selfish to do what you do, don't worry 😋
There is an element of "selfishness" to it. We have that need to socialize and we need to fulfill it. But it's neither good nor bad since all of us have it. Just respect the fact that not everybody wants it right whenever you want it.
@ hgzmatt that makes sense
Alex S. its a two way thing. social interaction is always a two way thing, it cannot be benificial to you without being beneficial to them. and if there is no connection you both are suffering!
that moment when you are sitting by you'r self drinking coffee in a crowded place , watching couples walking by you is the the most loneliness moment ever .
Yes this.
every fu*king day !!
Whenever couples see me, they start making out. Why they do that? LOL
@@sw-hg8eq
They wanna tease you don’t mind them lol 😆
Yes
Sending out hugs to anyone that feels lonely right now . Remember , you aren't the only one going through this.
And YOU WILL overcome this and find better days.
thank you
The fact that I am not the only person going through this makes it worse as it shows that it is not going to be easy to no longer be lonely.
@@CarterWills1 Someone once said , God gives his toughest soldiers the hardest battles . Perhaps you’re dealing with your issues because a lesser person wouldn’t be able to handle it . You got this friend! One day you’ll look back and help someone else going through the same thing.
Lonliness hurts so damn much, I wish I can cry for no reason at all because I'm so damn hurt. Being alone amongst people and being misunderstood is the worst pain I've ever felt.
I've been misunderstood my entire life. I'm also lonely.
Thank you for saying that. I feel most lonely when I am in a crowd.
Me too. And we don't connect with everyone. There has to be some kind of commonality and chemistry for friendship. It's not easy to find, even when you are trying, it can't be forced.
@@pixieheart9303 sorry. I think I know what you mean. I have been an outsider my whole life. It's hurts and makes me frustrated and angry. Just not fair.
The thing SHE doesn't understand is that we can feel lonely even around people.
Loneliness is not a lack of people around you.
Loneliness is a lack of connection to someone OR something.
Sadly, being hitched, is not a guarantee. I don't know any happy married people...including my own parents. Seems like it too often makes a bad situation worse. Then they get the bright Idea to try to stick a relationship together with a baby. Usually, its bad luck for a baby.
Maybe she suggest people to start build the connection...
Exactly. We are losing our human side
THIS. YES!! I live with my family and am always surrounded by people who care about me. Yet they can never understand my loneliness and wouldn't be able to help even when they do understand.
@@saraf5414 Exactly. I'm in the same position. I hope it gets better for you, I know how you feel :( I've started playing piano and that's made me feel connected to something.
I told my mother jokingly one day that if i die nobody will know until the neighbour would complain of a foul smell coming from my apartment. we both laughed but deep inside i knew that that was the truth.
Don’t feel like that I too don’t have anybody
Sounds like a change is needed
fish and banana How much of the social disconnection is due to economic pressure?
fish and banana 😔😔😔
Ask yourself how many people's lives would be adversely affected by your death. If they are not dependent on you every day, then their lives would not be affected much. A wife would certainly be emotionally and financially affected by her husband's death, and vice versa. Dependent children would certainly be affected by a parent's death. But the lives of aunt, uncles, cousins and other family members who don't depend on you every day, will not be affected to such an extent. For them life goes on tomorrow just like it did the day before, with your death having little actual impact. So when you think of how many people's lives your death would affect . . . probably not many. So say a prayer for the people in you life for whom you are dependent on every day, for they are the true blessings for which you should be thankful.
I dream every night of all the people I've met in my life and I wake up craving them so much that I'm physically in pain. How did I get so isolated
I know how you feel, I haven't even spoken to someone my age for three years.( I'm 14)
so sorry.
same here
Me too 😔 I dreamed that figurines turned to humans and dogs I hug
I think about all the people I've known about in my life too and how they've come and gone. After all these years, I think it's me. I've come to that realization.
One thing I think not talked about enough is the fact that even friend relationships take work. They require investment and checking in on someone otherwise that person will stop caring about and checking on you too. That's the sad reality- you get what you put in. But for some of us, we don't find ourselves in the social interactions enough that foster friendships being made. And that's unfortunate.
the pain in her voice is immense. she is hardly fighting her tears back. Loneliness is like living with a chronic debilitating disease and intolerable constant pain and darkness.
I quivered as she talked nervously
I think the worst part is not being able to share with anyone around you how lonely and horrible you feel , even if its eating you alive.
Oh yes, pretending nothing is wrong. Raised in the south, it's all I've ever known, but I'm trying to show folks what it looks like, and how I've been dealing with it. Come on over and visit here if you get time.
Yep. I know. Involuntary loneliness.
And even worst than that is when you do share, and they don't even care or leave you lol
@@beth.5986 😭😭😭
Yeah :(
Anyone else feel like they've just got so used to being lonely that it feels normal now? Like waking up, going to work or school, coming home and seeing 0 messages on your phone, zero missed calls. No plans for the weekend or nights. No success with dating apps and other shallow programs claiming to "connect" individuals. Going out to a club only to just stand there awkwardly with a drink in your hand watching groups dance and thinking "how do they reach that point?"
But strangely enough still feeling content with it. Because it makes every meaningful social interaction much more memorable and important. I think people take social attention for granted. Most people aren't interested in making friends unless it's somewhat beneficial to their reputation or provides.
It's similar to what this woman said about technology. It benefits those who need it the least. And leaves the ones who actually need it most behind even further. Being lonely is so common because it's a status that severely impacts the ability to make connections. You can't connect the dots if you don't even have any.
How do they reach that point?..
I ask same question
@@Electrikal_Practikal yea that's how i feel. The loneliness is pretty much normal to me now, For me it became normal just by living in it for about 2 or 3 years. Now its been 6 years and i do have suicidal thoughts sometimes. I don't know how to get out of it.
I really get that man, I never get messaged by anyone. Weekends I sit at home and do nothing. My soccer coach even knows that I have no friends. The only time I really talk to people is if my twin brother asks them to get on xbox. I have no friends of my own but I don't feel like putting in effort to try and make any friends. I always think to myself man if I just had a girlfriend I would be fine but Ive only ever tried to talk to two girls and it was just a big waste of time. Ive got zero confidence to even try a dating app. I can't even take a picture of myself because I hate the way I look and I feel like it won't matter because no girl will message me.
@@joshhenderson9108 I can suggest a few things, 1) join a card game club or a werewolf social game club 2) start doing good outdoor photography( mountains, lakes etc) 3) buy a drone and do some aerial footage, edit videos and show to friends 4) invite people to the trips ... Works for me, but now I discovered I prefer to do this alone most of the time :DD ... In fact I relized I generally hate people, I just need a girlfriend and a few buddies ...
Tony Light thanks for replying man! I would do that kind of stuff but none of it really interests me. My only hobbies I guess are soccer, sorta cars and video games. I’m really only super invested into soccer. I play at a college but the only people that I’m really friends with on the soccer team are internationals and they are all leaving as well as I am leaving. I know I should branch out and try and meet new people but I just don’t have the drive to I guess. Thanks for the tips though maybe I’ll give it a try when I have more motivation to
Me reading all the comments thinking I'll never find someone who feels how painful my loneliness is and wanting to cry cuz i read your comments and thats exactly how i feel..maybe that's what they mean with " you are not alone" ..here's a big tight warm hug for you all.
You are not alone
Right back at you Hala.
It takes so much courage just to admit that "I'm lonely and I need help!".
When you feel lonely, it becomes so uncomfortable to be around people. I have never been able to pick up the phone and call someone else when I want to talk or vent. I never had anyone to reach out to either when I attempted suicide. I am always the listener, available to those who aren’t to me. Yet if I try to talk, I feel too selfish to have someone listen to me that I just back away and hold my tongue back.
Life really can be the cruelest teacher. But that last statement speaks volumes, "Yet if I try to talk, I feel too selfish to have someone listen to me that I just back away and hold my tongue back."
I won't pretend that I know you, but from one stranger to another, you have self-worth. And in realizing this, understand that compassion for others doesn't just extend towards other people, but also for yourself. Be kind to yourself, be loving, it isn't easy but it's always worth it. *You* are worth it.
Ostrum Tempus your response means a lot. Thank you, life is defeating and it becomes hard to love myself during that process but you just made me realize that if life can’t be kind to me then I must give that kindness to myself.
That is so crazy how we operate! I feel the exact same way. My phone dont ring...just to say hi! Its more like they may need something. I just wish things were different because I am a nice person.
When I started standing up for my happiness, I started losing people all around. I was isolated. But it was better than being alone in a crowd.
You gotta learn it's ok to be selfish. I tell you something I learned, I was much like you in some aspect in life on that unhealthy amount of unselfishness, but then I read one simple sentence that changed it for me.
It's ok to be on the receiving end of good things, beneficial for the giver too, because by seeing how happy you are from receiving their thing, they feel like they've done something good and that will make them happier. Both with.
It's quite easy to get along to people no matter how introverted or whatever you are, after you learn the balance of talking and listening and be yourself and go with the flow in the positive way, and restrict going with the flow when things take a negative tone, but don't judge those negative things either. Just accept them as a part of life. They won't weight so much after you let them be in their natural place and then fade away.
Legend has it, that audience is still raising their hand.
There's one girl on the right who puts her hand down.
Between all the comments of people being real with themselves and truly expressing their emptiness, we all need comments like this which make our shallow lives a bit more entertaining. You won this comment thread, sir.
thanks you make me laugh when the comment section is full of depression story :'D
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😏
You are not alone on this one...
I've been lonely for my entire life. Honestly, it never gets easier.
Although, I would much rather be alone than be surrounded by people who make me feel lonely.
There's a difference between loneliness, and disconnection. You can be surrounded by people yet feel isolated and not belonging.
That's exactly it. From being so isolated and living alone, when I occasionally say, go to our local bar to try to mingle, I ALWAYS fell disconnected from everyone! Almost like I'm not even human, watching all of these humans interact with each other, laughing, talking about things in common or trips e.t.c, while i just sit there and listen and try to get in that head space, yet i can't relate!
@@bryanbenson6551 people are fake,you're looking for perfection,no wonder you feel isolated,may God bribg you peace
I've died many deaths because of loneliness, rejection and depression
Learn to value yourself, no one's opinions are worth anything, pray and exercise
Jesus is here for you
I can relate.
@Stevo so sorry. But know that Jesus is here for you .
If they ask for volunteers to goto Mars...I'd raise my hand.
CZcams said and I quote "people like you watched this"... Even CZcams knows I'm lonely.
Paul Cozens yeah google monitors your browsing habits via artificial intelligence. Everything you do online is recorded.
@@glitchinthematrix555 Nothing new there
It's ok batman's groin!!! But seriously Paul get out there man, join some groups!!!
My mum had cancer for two years but couldn't get treatment because of Covid restrictions. My Mum's mind went with the isolation of not getting out to meet her friends. My Mum was my best friend and Hero and I loved her so much ❤. My Mum took her own life in January 2021 she was 74. The lonliness without her is horrendous, I moved back to my apartment. I find my lonliness has caused a lot of anxiety and depression and my blood pressure is through the roof. I set up meetup to try and meet people and get new friends. But I find in society now people just think of themselves and are not looking for friends but for intimacy from people. It's so hard to find genuine friends, I find every single person wants a partner and not a friend.
I wish you find a good friend
I‘m so sorry for your loss :( I wish for you to find genuine people in your life ❤
i can be your friend!
Im sorry . That is very sad . My mom took her own life when i was 11 yrs and I am 66 yrs now . She was a wonderful person just got sick and had trauma as a girl . Apt was bombed by nazis when she was 4 yrs old in England . for eg. I have felt alone since then . I have Jesus which helps a lot but not the social support or ppl I can talk to other then professionals . I have ppl that care about me but i FEEL lonely anyway . I want a friend not a partner lol. GBU dear. Take care .
I went through simular situations as yours in the same time range, I have never really connected with women even though I am consistently kind, accomplished, etc.
I love when she says "just be bored together"
I started growing plants to cure my loneliness.. what Ive learned was to properly care for the plants and started caring myself.. started cooking and eating healthier again..
I too have been doing the same with my plants. I love my plants. I have also broadened my skill sets in arts & crafts and baking which are hobbies I am only now developing because I have stopped caring about the fact I am lonely and have no friends. I use my hobbies to keep me happy.
I raise a pet to cure my emptiness. A little happiness in life help me ease the pain inside my soul.
@beep boop Beep
You should all be friends you all like the same thing
Get a pet also.
I like that.
What if there is no one to call? People always assume everybody has friends as if this is mandatory. There are no friends to call or talk to.
Lyrkel R
After divorce especially.
Who would bail me out the next time. Child’s birthday is today. No contact at all. Fifty fifty custody. But what da ya do. Had lost them in night a few back. Never was the same. Any friends that helped her had done damage. Won’t have them back.
@@Mr.EeToMyself I am sorry to hear that. I do hope you can get your family back. People destroy things by complicating everything. If it is fifty fifty custody you have the right to take part in the child's life. I pray to God to help you solve all that.
Lyrkel R exactly...
@Mark s I'm so sorry about that. You can talk to me if you like. Facebook messenger or somewhere else
Same here....
.
So sad to see such an attractive and intelligent young woman struggling with loneliness. Loneliness sucks :(
The worst loneliness for me is the feeling that no one has ever fallen in love with you. I have been alone all my life and losing my mum recently has made it worse coming home to an empty house. I think this comes out in my own music sometimes.
Sending you hugs 🤗 🤗🤗
I send you Love❤
Believe it doesnt mean that you are not lovable! It means that we are too many on earth, and most of us are blind.
"Call that one friend you know you have."
Me: .... 😥 That was a big assumption.
We have the same initials, so we're destined to be friends:)
Yes - The moment she said that my heart broke even more, it was painful
What friend?
Pretty bold of you to assume I had any friends in the first place
Cheers, bud. Great comment, btw.
This comment section breaks my heart... May all the lonely and kind people find happiness. Know that when you feel lonely, you're not the only one in the world feeling this way at this moment. Love you all
And to you too.
Thank you.
Added this video to my playlist just for the comment section.
Thank you. It is people like you that are solving this problem, one kind word at a time. :)
Yes, we can all be lonely together, knowing nothing about each other, on our separate devices our only point of contact being a single comment section that will inevitably be drowned in the ocean of the internet.
We are all scared of sharing our real feelings with others because we fear that others will betray us because we have been betrayed our whole life.
Exactly
@@raees6330 Thank you for your kind reply man.
I'm fine with being alone but going alone in places where there's a big groups of people around you can be haunting.
Yes, I can relate to this.. Sometimes you need a dose of interaction but it doesn't happen when you need it the most.
yeah, i hate crowded places. Apart from music shows, that's where i don't mind being among other people
This is why i dont attend any family functions and get togethers
Keep your head up
Don't think that everyone there is happy...there'll be many who are married, but lonely with their partner; others with a group of friends but not feeling a connection...some content to have company, but bored by it. I'd bet there'd be several people there who felt at least as lonely as you, and trapped. It's human nature to think everyone else has it sussed. They don't 💗
She said lonliness has become a pandemic, she predicted 2020
Loneliness has been a pandemic since civilization my dude. Ever since social structures rose, people have been lonely.
Loneliness is a bigger epidemic than obesity
ik.... wish i had come back to this earlier in the pandemic. i think it would've helped a lot of people.
This social distancing have been really hard on me
@@MM-vs2et Have you researched how previous societies worked? They were much more interdependent than they are today. Today technology largely replaces the need to interact with people.
When she mentioned dementia, it reminded me of my mom’s who’s was lonely trying to raise me. 😢
The worst kind of loneliness is the fact of being somewhere and feel uninvited , excluded and have nowhere to go
And disrespected.
Most people don't understand about exclusivity.
I spent 15 years of depression but now im over.... i dont care anymore. No sadness and no happiness. Just empty.
Sorry to hear that Ya Hilal. I struggle with depression, though it is somewhat less. I can see that you're numb.
I know what you mean. Step out into life, go on a walk, meditate, see new things, put yourself in social settings around people, your feelings may change. try painting what "empty" looks and feels like. It may help you within. :) remember a lot of people likely feel as you do. Youre not alone.
Jan Schlossar who are you to tell me what I know and don’t? I live in my head, while you don’t.
Exactly how I feel!
Stop consuming (or just cut it down) youtube/netflix/video games/weed or whatever else you use to numb the pain. This is important because these things mess with your dopamine-levels and well, numb you. I've always been called a "stone" for not feeling. I've spent massive amounts of hours on the internet it's saddening.. Also, when you are constantly in this sort of transe-state you might experience derealisation. So confusing...
Her: Loneliness makes a 29% increase in heart disease and a 32% increase in having a stroke
Me: good so I can die faster
I know this was probably a joke but every joke has a little truth in it. Please don't give up on life you are valuable and so is every human being. It breaks my heart to see people talking about their lives like that. God really loves you💕.
@@DdD-om1mr I know that this is how it seems to be sometimes or for some people even most of the times but thats not true. If I wouldn't believe in God I would probably say that too. But since I do I really believe that there is hope and no matter how hard life is Jesus can and will save you if you just want to.
Romans 8:38-39:
,,For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
@@katharina7770 Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. He will never leave you or forsake you. Call on Him Kathdi! I did and l know. 🙏
This is how much lonely I feel all the time 😭
Same every day before I go to sleep my last prayer is I hope to die now I'm done I had enough
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone."
- Robin Williams
Feeling deeply lonely it is basically seeing the truth. We are nothing in the universe. And this is absolutely unbearable.
Very true.
True 😮😢
Absolute truth
Loneliness has been killing me for several years. I feel it. I know it.
Just hold on. It'll get better...
Diana Liech hi
Your awesome.
Start by telling your sub conscious that you’re happy. Dr Bruce Lipton could tell you how to do this.
Imagine living for 10 years in loneliness, you might just die or go insane or something. thats real loneliness. I've lived extremely lonely for a year bc of anxiety, i still am afraid to go out the door alone. Gaming is always on my mind, food and alcohol en medication too. u just become addicted, although i lost weight i still have alcohol problems. i barely sleep at night. im always on edge.
who else is facing depression because of loneliness?? 😃😃😃
Im severe depressed but because loneliness fucks anyone obviously but at the same time i feel like i hate everyone.
I am pretty much accepted I would be depressed for the rest of my life. I am in awe of happy people.
Me. I have no friends and dont have a girlfriend probably will never have nobody to love or to love me
joel rengasammy
Hold on stay strong ! Wish you best of luck!
It usually is the other way around inasmuch as depressed people isolate themselves.
I am 30 years old. Have no friends or partner. Nobody to share, hang out or travel. Sometimes i enjoy the solitude. Sometimes it's worse. Depression is crawling beneath skin. I trying to hold, fight back. Tried suicide many times. Still i have hope to live.
hope is what keeps me going too
be strong, it has to be better one day
@@flowery666 thanks it will get better as you learn more
What a brilliant, sensitive, beautiful woman.
She sounds like she's on the verge of tears the whole time. I just want to give her a hug and be bored together ;)
Being hitched to the wrong person is way more lonely than being single...
Tim Prendergas, or in an unhappy relationship. I totally agree.
Haha I know. When she said that..I had many examples of married couples in my mind,ready
Tim Prendergast I get lonely in crowds in cities.
what do you mean by wrong person? there's nothing wrong with those we chose to love.
There are those that are not who you think they are... and you try anyway.
that's so true, I've never felt so alone.
This made me cry. Just the way she was talking, like she was on the verge of tears and talking about loneliness in a real way. Believe me, I know. It's the most painful thing there is. I was diagnosed with cancer last year and it's worse than that. It's worse than death. It cuts you right to your core and brings you to your knees. And no one wants to talk about it or admit they are lonely. I'm not sure everyone has a friend that they can call, and I also don't necessarily agree that technology is that helpful. I think technology can make it worse because it's like when you are starving eating a candy bar instead of a good meal. I think another thing that people could and should do is REACH OUT to those who are alone.
If you know someone lives alone on in your neighborhood and you don't see them having any or very few visitors, stop by. Bring them some nice baking. Invite them over for coffee. Offer to mow their lawn. Smile at them and say hi when you see them outside. Let them know you are available if they need a ride to the doctor or shopping. Stuff like that is life saving to lonely people. It's hard to reach out when you are the lonely one because, she's right, you are so depressed and screwed over by it that it's too much for you to do and to risk another rejection when you are feeling so bad isn't worth it.
I honestly don't expect to survive much longer. I'm only in my 50's. But in addition to the cancer, I can feel how toxic the loneliness is to me, to my body, mind, spirit. When I see people walking together or in family groups, it just makes me feel worse. I feel like an outcast, like a freak, a reject.
So I would say, take it to the very local level. Look around your neighborhood. If you see someone living alone, esp. if they seem withdrawn or aren't coming out of their house much, go ahead and reach out to them.
About a week ago, the neighbor across the street came over and brought me a little bag of candy for Thanksgiving. We talked for a couple minutes at the door. It really made me feel better. And I used to have another neighbor who said hi to me every time he saw me. That was good too.
It's just nice to know there are people around who SEE you and are there to help even if it is just for an emergency or to help you with your yardwork or something. Anyway, I guess that's it. It's so sad. Being alone is so sad and so painful and so shameful. No one should have to go through that. If anyone read this whole thing, thanks. Take care people and take care of each other.
Hi there I can’t see you, but your your words have touched a nerve and I just wanted to reach out and say hello, how are you doing? You sound lovely and I’d like to be your friend 🥰
My oh my. I read your comment 👌thank you so much
You sound like the type of person the world desperately needs more of: a truly kind one.
If you’re interested, I highly recommend Victor Frankl’s “Man’s search for meaning.”
I'm lonely and have no friends. I guess you are all in the same boat too, since you're watching this? Lol.
edit: well, you can all be my friend. :)
Jimmy Stone sure
Would like to
I can be your friend ❤
I'm lonely but it's not Because I. Isolate myself it's because people live in the digital world instead of the real world.
Let's do this!!!
I'm kind, witty, interested in people and good company, so I'm constantly told. Yet no one calls and I'm always alone.
Why? Because *THEY* are *NOT lonely* so they don't need to call anyone. That's all.
If someone has a partner and kids, they are busy. If they split up, they'll call you.
This is the good news: it's not about YOU.
But that's also the problem: _sometimes it needs to be about YOU_
goldeneddie Jesus Christ! You're so good!😮 TBH, this comment alone can heal many!
So true!
Very true...
I guess so but not totally
Deep
I’ve been married for 31 years. I’ve been lonely for at least the last 15 years.
How’s that, don’t you talk to your husband
If a woman this attractive is that lonely, then I am screwed.
hahahaha Exactly my thought. Imagine me being a not so good looking female on her late 50's. Now, that's really fckd up.
76 year old single male perspective: The only cure for loneliness is loving and caring for others, sometimes random acts of kindness. Always focusing on self is probably going to result in some sort of inner pain or delusion.
@@exceptionaltalentspc4954 But it is not about looks.. Clearly that's not the answer to anything. Why do we even THINK that handsome and pretty, (whatever that means to you) is a panacea. Its not. Never has been. WHO are you and what are your values? That is what's important!
I guess not, because it's mostly hot chicks that feel this way. Other girls are jealous and so are men. Besides, maybe you should research Marilyn Monroe.
@@boballen2930 Loving should be a two-way street. The heart is like a bank account, you need to replenish in order to get something out.
Having a pet helps remove the loneliness. You also meet more people by walking around with your dog.
Yeah, but when you have a cat you only have more fur stuff on your keyboard.
Very true, having pet also can make us forget the sad thing in previous life.
i'd like to buy a Shikoku Ken.
@@elliot43289 a who? Hee❤
@@tiffanytaylor1502 Shikoku Ken it's a dog. Google it.
She is great...She took the stage to speak her heart out...I respect her courage !
Vivek Singh The emotion in her voice is almost unbearable.
Jason Lam When you speak the truth from your heart, it is obvious to be shaky. But Being vulnerable is being strong, you should speak anyway. Most of us shout out behind the veils.
Be the change !
Forever respect for the courage she has shown :)
Shes realy beutiful a woman of substance.
Imagine being on work everyday and be happy with collegues, after heading back home every night, you dont have any one to talk to.
Its really sad.
It's why I started Journaling. It helps but, it's not be all, end all solution.
Saddest part of being lonely or loneliness is, you can't share or talk with anybody all those beautiful thing, your happiest moment in life, your saddest moment and knowing that if you are gone, no one will miss you and being completely alienated by society.
I agree
@@kissa7709 hope, you are living your life happily 🙏♥️
@@allaboutlife2837 🥺 yeah hope eventually ..I wish you the same!
She’s so sad and nervous, she sounds like she is about to brush out crying any second .
she needs a hug
@John Gatselis 🤣
@John Gatselis *granpa
She is beautiful ,but lonely .
I feel like she is just shy and scared of standing for big crowds
I was crying by the end of that. I'm sure my depression is from loneliness. I've been lonely for a very long time now.
Art - Thanks for your reply. I'm doing volunteer ambulance officer training all weekend. My loneliness is from years of childhood abuse, I'm working through it but I'm behind on lots of life skills, socialising and dating being the big ones. I guess they will come but it's slow going. Wishing you a wonderful day :)
Hi Tim. I’m
Here to talk.
+ Adventures With Karlie, Hi, Thanks for the offer. I think the best long term solution for me is to become happy alone. Being alone as long as I have has messed me up in bad ways.
@@Islander185 you seem like a good guy. Sorry that happened to you. Where do you live?
@JE ENN - Thank you. Most people are surprised I have never had a relationship before now (I'm 40). I live in rural Australia so there's not many options around. I left it too late, most people here find a partner in their 20's or move away.
She is so brave. I can't thank her enough.
Her voice already sounds so sad, I think she has internalized those loneliness into her personality, like many of us 😭😭😭😭
I'm 32. I've felt lonely my entire life. It started sometimes after elementary school. Ever since then I've never had any friends. Never understood why up to this day. Always felt like something was wrong with me but could never figure out what. It's very frustrating each and every day especially on days where you are really trying to feel connected to other people and them to you but for some reason you can't. It leaves you thinking "Why don't people like me?" every day but too scared to vocalize it for fear of sounding insecure and juvenile. It hurts the more you get older.
This is the absolute same feeling i have. I am through the same situation I fail to connect to people and they to me.
Jay P 😥😥😥😥😥
Same....
I'm in the same position. Though for me my isolation is a result of shyness, social anxiety, generalised anxiety and introversion. Never had *any* close friends. Only feel somewhat comfortable around my parents & brothers but can't see them everyday.. I don't think I'm a bad person, but it gets harder to justify to myself of that the older I get.
I'm feeling lonely too, It has not always been like that for me, but I fail to keep the connection with people, and as time has passed I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to anymore, no one to call when I get this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Sometimes I realize that I haven't talked to anyone for several days, it scares me :'( It also scares me to write it down, it becomes too real, you know.?
I want to give her a hug
same here :))
Julian Voth me too 😇
yeah not until they decide suicide is the only way to remove the pain
peter england did you watch this video?
Me too, and the talk hit me ... damn
“Be lonely together” that was so cute ❤
"Loneliness is a barrier that prevents one from uniting with the inner self." - Carl Rogers
Lonliness is a paradox. The more lonely you feel the more detached you become. The more detached the more distant you make yourself. This grows until they can talk to you and you cant even listen. Your mind is preoccupied by itself and your so used to being alone you crave it. Your friends grow further and you grow less dependent on them. And then you wake up one morning and everyone is gone and you built the wall keeping them away. Its can happen to everybody. Social isolation is a killer. Once you get to far away it's very hard to come back.
That's where Ive been for over a decade... coworkers are all I talk to. It's all fake superficial chat, I go home, go to sleep, wake up to be a worker drone again. Then I watch a movie where everyone is happy and living carefree, I have to live vicariously through actors and their false portrayal of reality. I guess I'm normal lol.
Damn. It is more peaceful without others, no drama, focuses on the self. That is the advantage but it also comes with drawbacks.
@@ayoutubecommenter1827 Jesus is here for you
@@TheEternalOuroboros Jesus is here for you
@@krystalsunshine7412 I appreciate your words of encouragement. Perhaps i will find a deity at some point.
I feel more lonely when there r people around than when im alone
Introvert?
Ye
@@Nokss87 ye
It's because the people around are not of your choice.
It’s because the people around you aren’t real friends.
To everyone feeling lonely: I wish you all the best, take care of yourself 🙏💫. You might listen to positive affirmations and try new things, even small ones like a walk, until things get better. Corona made it harder, but you'll find a way. You matter.
46 yrs old here. Been lonely my entire life. No relationships. No marriage. Major depressive disorder, chronic severe anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and agoraphobia. Dimensia is all but inevitable. 👍🏻
I’m looking for a friend.
"Im always here for you"
"U shoyld seek proffesional help"
These are words that people say before they leave you
So called "professional help" doesn't always help... remember, a therapist is a person who is paid $ to pretend to care about helping you... there are no real feelings of care , concern or compassion.... regarding my experiences with therapists is that they exacerbate one's pain and suffering..
@@tedmalley7636
Better than nothing.
But, selfish people want you to "get therapy" when what you need is simple kindness.
@Zan YUP! :)
@@tedmalley7636 beep wrong. Therapists help you solve your psychological problem. I have to say it again your "PSYCHOLOGICAL" problem
Professional help is often exactly what you need because a lot of the time, you just need someone to talk to but may not have that kind of trust for one reason or another to regular people in your social life.
I am reminded of when my wife was diagnosed with cancer. Family and friends all said "We will be there for you!" and then disappeared.
😮😧😧😧😢❤️
Spiritually..lol
I rarely feel lonely. I try more to get people to leave me alone. It's a balance. I'm an introvert who gets lonely sometimes. The big secret to getting people to seek you out for attention is to show you are interested, care and want to help. I got there because I cared. When you really care about certain people or even random people, you will have a hard time having alone time. Those people will seek you out. Keep doing this and see what I mean. It's overwhelming.
I've been married. Believe me, it is possible to be even lonlier being in someone else's presence.
😓
Nothing like sharing a bed with someone 2,000 miles away from you.
This is 100% true. The worst thing is not to be alone. It is to be with someone who makes you feel alone.
When Lonliness is recommended to u by CZcams .
that means you have no life CZcams knows that atleast
@@hero9610 hahaa! That was unexpected lol
@@hero9610 🤣the heck
Ok, CZcams had that right!
😂🤣🤣🤣😅
There’s a BIG difference between being alone and feeling lonely... her voice shows the despair in her loneliness
Yup that's true. I know because that's how my voice gets wen i talk about being lonely.
Loneliness has its roots in childhood. Mothers or caregivers who were emotionally unavailable, whether through, neglect, narcissism, lack empathy or even those who were distracted by anxiety, depression, domestic violence etc etc. This lack of connection then feels normal & the child’s personality adapts to expect lack of empathy from others or they attract more of what’s familiar, & the disconnect goes round & around in a loop. They key is to take huge risks in finding empathic, kind, sensitive people but that will involve having to reject many more unempathic selfish types to get there. A good counsellor, although it costs money, or self help groups can help heal loneliness.
"A good counsellor, although it costs money, or self help groups can help heal loneliness."
So true, yet in America, there are tens of thousands, including me, that cannot afford the high costs without insurance, which ALSO is too expensive. Sad to think that THE RICHEST first world country in MODERN HISTORY, cannot and will not help it's own citizens, whom are to the point of total breakdown.
I'm just 1 of so many that try our best ALONE, without a best friend or family to talk to. Without any kind of help, we realize that ultimately, help is never coming to nearly all of us who are struggling and this is the sad state of our failed country. But meanwhile, billionaires are taking joyrides to space and our politicians refuse to do ANYTHING.
I've lost respect for this country and now completely understand other countries hatred for such a bloated, mega rich country full of shallow, money chasing narcissists that do NOTHING to solve ANYTHING.
you are so correct.....I know this is my issue
good insight. the huge risk taking part makes sense. it's hard though when you are ill or old or severely depressed
@@bryanbenson6551 also, it is nearly impossible to find a good counsellor,at least that's been my experience.
@@bryanbenson6551 pure truth!
She had me at “if i had died at twenty two”, literally my life story i left my country to live in a better one, i live alone know no one and i have no family. if i died no body will notice.
I can relate.
I checked your profile and I see by your playlists that you are still active and so, still alive. Very glad to see that 😊
I'm sorry you feel that no body would notice . I myself feel alone and cant really
Get anyone to understand how I feel . I have people in my life but I don't really feel like i have anyone who understands fully . It's hard doing it alone
It sucks .
Loneliness happens in all ages. I am 48 and I've never felt lonelier in my entire life. My mother passed a month ago and she was the last person I could always call and talk to. People mostly hurt me in life, and I just had enough. I don't want to be hurt anymore, that is why I am alone.
Sorry too hear this i lost my mom at 15 it really sucks most humans only care about themselves
🤗
Trusting people is a big issue, they can betray you or leave you.
Feel the same about my dad. No matter what I could call him and talk to him and he would try and help me with whatever I was going through. He truly had unconditional love for me. My mother is the surviving parent who has not loved me since I was a small child. Once, she sat down with me at the kitchen table, looked me straight in my eyes, and told me she hates me and has for years.
She hates me and that she will never love me again. So the rare times she says that she loves me now, I don’t have any reason to truly believe that. I think it means- I love you for now.
My aunt? She used to tell me she loved me, back when she used to talk to me- she’s made it plain she hates to talk to me.
One of the last times she phoned me, I asked her why she was calling because she never does. She made her voice sound very self important as she replied “I called you because I had a weak moment”.
I am tired of the abuses that come from wanting connection, being told I’m not good enough to deserve it. And I’m tired of the pain too.
I don't want to appear to be Mr Quickfix or anything, but finding people in your area with similar interests would really change things for you. It could be a book club, hiking group, aerobics class, chess club, cycling club photography, anything. Or do a course where you'll meet people with exactly a common interest - the course.
It sounds simplistic but it could literally be a life saver for you.