I Have No Friends | Courtney Ryman | TEDxGeorgetown
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- čas přidán 14. 01. 2019
- "Meaningful connections are crucial to our wellbeing, but what is life like without friends? As someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder, I will discuss the struggles of forming and maintaining friendships, and how I'm working to be brave."
Strength can be found even in times of weakness and Ryman hopes to inspire the Georgetown community to find the bravery to reach out for help. Her non-traditional journey to the Hilltop brought an underlying struggle with mental illness to the surface as she works to actively destigmatize mental illness and speak about the value of human connection. Strength can be found even in times of weakness and Ryman hopes to inspire the Georgetown community to find the bravery to reach out for help. Her non-traditional journey to the Hilltop brought an underlying struggle with mental illness to the surface as she works to actively destigmatize mental illness and speak about the value of human connection. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
"I can go a whole week, and only receive a text from my mom"
Damn, I felt that..
Hello would you like to be my friend? Im lonely, fed up of work, i used to like drawing but my motivation has gone. I need someone to help me :)
@@RaikenXion same.which country do u live?
Me too
@@RaikenXion same :/ I'm in America though
Hi! Just wanted to say that to you today:)
All of us friendless folk in the comments❤️ I wish we all could get together for tea
It reminds me of a Soviet film where Cheburashka offered to build a house for people who search for friends so that they could find friends there. It would be cool if we had something like that IRL
@@kotrena Oh, man. If I could I would start something like that.
😭😭
Haha it's so easy to make friends on the internet but difficult in person. How strange huh
i want tea!!
All my "friends" are people who talk to me when they want to, but completely ignore me otherwise.
Know your self worth and walk away
I know what you mean
Same.
Yeah.They talk to you but when you got a problem everyone just dont care but when their got a problem their come to you😇😇😇😇Its so hurt.
Same...
And then there’s a lot of us who have ‘friends’ who still make you feel alone
Those are really just people you know then. Because they really dont care about you unless you have something they need. Another words you know them ,like who they are. But you dont feel close to them.
I got you b/c I've experienced it. Most friends are just acquaintances. There isn't even a word for 'acquaintance' in Chinese that I'm aware of, but close Chinese male friends tend to see each other as brothers rather than friends and I guess it's a good way to secure a long-term friendship that could otherwise drift easily. In 'Dora the explorer' movie, Dora said she never really felt lonely by herself but felt lonely in school where she didn't fit in. That really hit me. She did make friends in the end but b/c of a dangerous adventure when the classmates needed each other for survival. Anyway loneliness is not about being around people or not but the quality of relationships and being able to be yourself when you're around others. Some celebs feel lonely.
I used to have such "friends". Damn relatable.
That's how I felt so I deleted my only remaining "social media" - Instagram.
I've grown apart from so many people. I could not relate to them, our conversations are never finished, my comments are ignored, I felt alienated. It hurts but I thought it was so awkward to continue to "hang around" that I just deleted my life.haha Imma start over.
That's true. My friend makes me the loneliest person in the world with her lack of communication
It's comforting to hear someone else experiences this. I honestly was beginning to think I was alone. Not having friends can sometimes feel very painful. Thank you for being so brave.
This is crazy but if you want to become friends (even just online ones) I'm totally down.
Thank God i'am not alone too.
Yea it helps to know you're not alone 😌
You definitely are not alone.
!!!
I hate when people say I don’t have friends and they don’t mean it literally. Like I honest to god have NO friends. What a good speech though
Same
Same
Exactly
Only people who have friends are happy enough to even joke about it.
Same
- Standing alone is better than standing with people who don’t value you. -
So it is ok to be alone
You sure ?😔
@@j.cwalkes5822 Yes i had experience before
@@masternobody0 I sorry . I felt your pain . I so lonely even the depressed people don't even want me and my biological family ,I was adopted and i only have adopted family a very small group . Anyway i guess people only like to used people for they kindness and what they can get and people say they are not the same as you give everything they leave you like the Siberian desert dry with nothing 😟
but what if i don't want to be alone?
@@joseanurkkalainen2832 Go out and find someone who had similarity with you. Respect and trust each other.
When she said he could go a whole week and only get a text from her mom, I felt that.
I'm in the same situation.
jroberts7387 :(
Damm, I can't even get my family's messages through the week. Most of the time is me who starts conversations...
I felt that to
ditto
No1 is texting me. Even family.
When you're in a friend group and they have a separate group chat to make plans without you
Shadow Monster 😢 i’m in this situation
i left a groupchat recently with 30+ people who continuously had parties and nobody cared to invite me. there's no point trying to seek approval with people who have no interest. drop them.
Yeah;(
ouch, that is really rough. What you have to realise though, is the fact that they do something like that, means that they see you as something "less than" the rest of them. You're better than that. Drop these turds like radioactive waste and find people who treat you like a person. I recommended doing an interest of yours in public to meet like-minded people then taking it from there. I joined a Martial Arts gym, and after sorting through the assholes I made a friend.
Used to have to deal with that till they ditched me
I haven't had friends in a decade. Almost everyone has devalued me or abandoned me. Family, friends, whatever.
I haven't abandoned myself though. And you shouldn't either.
Just because other people can't see your beauty or your true character, doesn't mean you don't have any. Just means they aren't looking hard enough.
Stay strong people. Love yourself.
Xoxo.
I loved this. You are strong and amazing!
I resonate with you..i have had a life time of abandonment and therefore i dont hold much faith in any relationship..the only people i would not give up on even though they physically and mentally abused me were my kids who i build bridges with everyday...but this only happened when i didnt give up on myself so good on you...never give up ❤💜...il be your friend
This has happened to me as well. It has been very difficult to come to terms with that since my father died but I'm trying
@@sw01237 Honestly dont give up..iv learned there can be something good around the corner..i still struggle with trust in people but iv decided even solo i will make my life complete for myself and no one else i will continue to search for goodness in people and if i get burned again il smile and say goodbye to that toxicity that doesnt serve me anymore because we deserve better x
danapixelated. Omg 😯. It feels like you wrote my own life....... I’m in exactly same state.
It just hurts me watching all my instagram "friends" go out everyday and have the time of their life with different group of friends while I sit at home eveyday contemplating my existence. I just feel so lonely it kills me :(
I too am a loner. I put on a great show when people are around but I don’t have the energy for friendship. I have a ton of people I talk to on most days but they aren’t friends
You are beautiful, believe it,it's true!
I'm so sorry. I know how you feel
aha! this! always happens to me. after exams, all my classmates go out, and post on their stories and i just sit at home. on top of that, my mom yells at me. for not having friends. WHAT DO I DO
You're not alone girl
I literally have no friends...I'm not kidding.
However I feel at peace being alone. Everytime I tried to make a friend I was rejected. I don't know why, it used to hurt, but now I'm happy about it. No friends means no suffering, no betrayal just peace.
Felt that
That’s true, well I sometimes wish to talk to someone but I have become more independent when I don’t
I agree. I also, have no friends.
Go visit someone in a nursing home. A lot of these people have no friends either but they usually have a lot of stories to tell.
I feel the same way. In this day and age, people just aren't normal and right in the head. People are quick to use you, lie, backstab you, etc. There are some decent people out here but it's very rare.
I am 61 and I have never had a best friend or friends in general. I have learned to accept this is just me.
I am complete, I am fulfilled.
Kay we are a social species, you can't deny genetics hon u would be happier with friends no matter how much u trick yourself otherwise
SuTen exactly
i love not having friends lol
Peace Goddess I guarantee you have friends. If not I'll give u a million dollars. I'm the confident you're lying.
Peace Goddess .... silence...
It's so embarrassing to admit I dont have friends. I usually just lie about it.
Me too.
Me too.
I'm such an introvert that it takes me years to notice when I don't have friends 😅
I used to be embarrassed about it but now, I laugh about it. I mean, sure, it's lonely sometimes but it also means I don't have to worry about back stabbing, rumors and ultimately feeling worthless when a friend walks out on me. It means I don't have to say "yes" to plans then feel guilty when at the last minute, I decide I don't want to go (thanks, social anxiety). I think I am a decent person and if that isn't reason enough for people to be friends with me, then their loss. I'm a loner...and it is what it is.
@totallylooneytunes those are bad kind of companionship. i'd rather not to call them 'friends'
In my 50's and never had 1 friend in my entire life--been some challenging and lonely times for sure. For those in this boat try to remember there is nothing wrong with you and that it is just part of your life experience! Love, compassion, and self-acceptance is key.
steveincali1 💜💜💜
Why didn’t you have any friends?
💕💕
I'm 23 and have had no friends for yeras. Sometimes i fear i'll die alone because no one will want to marry me either. Did you find someone who understands? If not how to cope?
Earth angels travel alone
I enjoy being alone. I don’t have to deal with other people’s drama. I have my pets, my hobbies and my goals. I make no apologies to anyone. God bless all of you folks who feel badly about having no friends; be a friend to yourself! 😘❤️🌸
Same here! Unless they are happy and aligned, they just get triggered by whatever I do.
My friends are only my "friends" when it's convenient for them.
... I have no friends
lol same.
Sungod_Da_Don I’m just used for weed or money or my ID lmao, I haven’t hung out with anyone besides mooches that just want my weed in over a year, I get left on read from them when I ask to hangout but as soon as they’re out of weed guess who’s their favorite buddy!
Going through this now. I feel abandoned by everybody until they need something but I'm the one with no parents or siblings. Who's going to do something for me?
Precisely why I dont have friends. I'd rather be friendless than deal with unreliable friends.
That’s so true . I never get calls or texts from them. Just once in a while :(
She feels like the person I'd like to be friends with
@Ladies Entertainment Parlour That's a great idea
Me too
@Ladies Entertainment Parlour I want to be friends.
She is like the one girl at school who judges people by their character and not looks
Same here, momoring. I don't have friends too.
I realized I had no friends when the people whom I considered friends didn’t invite me to their weddings or life events. Learned I misinterpreted many relationships in life for a long time. It’s humiliating.
sorry, hope it gets better someday,
Truth be told... If a person has 5 real friends in their whole lifetime, they should consider their self rich.
Love this. I remember times when I had close friends and miss those times, but it's okay to be where I am.
@@nanscottdesignstudio it's so true, when i had good friends who were there to support and help me, and have fun with me, i just took it for granted and thought that making friends was an easy job and all you need to do was be good and helpful; but little did i know, how cruel and unfriendly people could be when I moved to a new place. I miss those times
yup, whence i was in kidergarden i made so many innocent friends i wonder if i can call them real friends knowing they changed with this world,,, HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH muahahahahahahhaahahhhahahahahahah
My mom said if you had 1 true friend... you were lucky
Gosh if I had 5 whole friends, I would ..
Same.....this is my final semester at college. I have made zero true friends for the past four years.
I’m going through the exact same thing, last semester and have made no friends, it can feel so humiliating at times
I’m only in second year but I haven’t made any yet either . I’ve met a lot of decent people and have conversations although have never furthered relationships outside of the classroom :/
I can relate to this so hard. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me. This honestly has made me feel less bad about myself knowing there are other people that feel the same way I do
Join a club.
SAAAMMMEE lmfao
All of these comments make me feel like I’m not alone. Us friendless people need to have each other’s backs.
So true.
Right we need to become friends.
@@datgurlky1 🙋🏻♀️ *waving a Florida hello* 🌴🌻
@@Its.nice2b_nice 😊 Hello from Michigan. It's 37 degrees Fahrenheit here. Don't you dare tell me the temperature there. Lol
@dangboof *I hoñestly am aloñe, añd very loñely, living with chroñic paiñ, ño friends, ño life just paiñ, makes this a real, sad useless existence, there's only 1 subscriber oñ my page, I don't kno who it is,that's not a friend cuz they neva said hello, don't kno hw to delete it*
My cat is my best friend. She gives me more joy, comfort, & affection than my human friends.
Same here. I know some people, but no one is really my friend. At least that’s how I feel My best friend is my dog.
@L Tchort
Pets are loving and non-judgemental. And of course you can’t get into an argument with them. But, wise? Emmm …
But unfortunately I have cat allergies:(
My two orange tabbies are my best friend and I don't know what I would do without them. I love them.
Yes I have Bren there but mine was a dog. She gave me her whole heart and did ALL tbe signs of doggie love. Devoted pets are a great blessings for lonely hearts aren’t tbey?
It’s so unbelievably difficult to live without friends in today’s society. For me, most “friends” I make end up just using me and leaving me in the worst ways possible, and some people I truly befriend are put off by how I have no friends and that they wouldn’t view me the same way after. Nowadays I just kind of adopt to living with no friends instead of dealing with drama. It’s pretty dang powerful how she has the confidence to talk about this to the Internet, since this is a problem that is truly hard to admit for people with no friends.
@marthias lim Thank you for those words! I’m grateful to have a very good relationship with my family, though now as a college student and with corona, I haven’t been able to spend much time with them. I feel that with corona it’s becoming increasingly difficult to face the fact that I may be spending future holidays or special events by myself, though I try to learn to enjoy life on my own.
It makes me sad to see all of us who don't have friends, especially those of us who wish we did. I'll be your friend
Leslie Wray Doyle hello friend 🙂👍🏽
@@denisedouglas Hi Denise! I hope you're having a wonderful day 🌞
Leslie Wray Doyle aww thank you Leslie as a matter of fact I am & hope you’re having a wonderful day too 🙂
Me too. Let’s all be friends
Alright let's be friends!
I have no close friends. Just acquaintances 😭
Johnny Maldonado then you're exaggerating? That's friendships
I totally get it. There is a huge difference between acquaintances and friends.
Otter Whitewaterider But isn't that everyone? It's better than nothing, and completely different to someone who has no one.
@@John_Halo so what's the solution? Join a club, make friends at the gym or at work or at the shops.
Same, I know some people but I couldn't take them as my "friends". But well, friendship started going to be an awful concept for me.
I haven’t had a close friend since middle school and I’ve felt so lonely for so long. It gets painful sometimes and has given me a bad habit of overthinking. But tomorrow is my first day going to college in person and not online. I’m going to try my best to be confident, put myself out there, and make friends. Please cheer me on! 💖
Hey how was college
You are well come 👫👫💗💗🌹🌹 I m alone I like best friend
I always feel like I'm the only one without friends till I search up these videos. It's impossible to tell who doesn't have friends cause no one will admit it. Glad I can relate to these comments.
the majority of the ppl dont have friends
I don't I just know random people
I have no friends at age 52. We have moved a lot due to my husband’s job and I have been completely friendless for the past seven years. I can talk to anyone. I am open, friendly and lots of fun. My kids are grown, so I don’t even have casual, playground mom-friends. When I reach out to people I get the typical, “omg, we totally SHOULD get together...” getting someone to actually commit to a coffee date seems like pulling teeth. Sigh... everyone is busy and their cliques established. Creating a new circle is really hard.
You don’t have what she is talking about. People will become a friend to you.
Sum Ego -7 years have gone by and still no friend in sight...
Susie Klein hey I don’t know where you live but lots of areas have Facebook groups or other online communities where maybe you could find a friend! and if not I’ll be your friend (:
Nora Markham you are extremely kind! The world is a better place for having you in it!❤️
I can so relate to you. I'm 53, a single mother and pretty much friendless. I'm at the point where I wouldn't be bothered trying to make friends. Yes everyones cliques are established. I used to go to church and found most people cliquey and couldn't break through the cliques. I then joined a church with alot of poor people but still didn't fit in. Everyone assumed I was a snob which is so not true. I can't win. I've given up.
Thank you for sharing a very private part of your life, so we may learn.
That took guts.
Forgive me for laughing at your statement, "... sharing a very private part..." Aaahahahahahahaaa.
@mary sunshine You did what? You Farted?
@mary sunshine oh sorry, sorry, sorry. That's so shameful of me. I will have to stop taking these methamphetamines. I'm going crazy.
Abernathy Monsoon You should see my home videos
Especially because people use “you have no friends” as an insult.
She's so authentic and genuine. You can feel it listening to her.
Im 28 and have literally 0 friends except my animals. Society makes it hard for good genuine people now days
Lol I’m 29 and I feel ya
Hey everyone i really want to connect with you all
Tons people feel self absorbed. I don’t understand people at times. In the end you really all you got .
I feel you
ergo the profile photo! :)
Who, like me, is searching on the internet these things just to desperately find something to relate to?
Well internet is the best friend of the lonely people. We would be doomed without it..
Yep
Yes. 😩
@@whitenights4524 Books were the original friends of lonely people!
Definitely. Everyone wants to feel seen and understood. I think that's why a lot of people connect with the musical Dear Evan Hansen because everyone experiences loneliness to some capacity. If you want to chat in the future, I'd be up for exchanging emails/snap.
I gave up on friends. People are too wrapped up in their own lives. Social media is distorting reality. To all of you... You're a rockstar in this world too! Don't ever feel bad for oversights of your value when it comes to others. I got away from farcebook.. Etc.... You should. Be well
✌✌
I agree👏🏼
You said it
Using Facebook or Instagram of whatever is just a scapegoat on your antisocial behavior.
@@TheArtkaw The truth is somewhere in the middle. The behaviors and the social media feed one another. Also, being antisocial is hard for people. It's not necessarily about blame.
"i am a good person, i am worthy of friends" this has been my plea to the universe since time immemorable.
You're not alone bro.
I have friends, but friends who see me as the second choice. I feel so alone because nobody cares.
Be the smartest in your class.. and keep moving towards your goals..e.g best organized.. read more books.. instead vocabulary.. learn French online etc... eventually you will study in other colleges, university's and meet other ppl that you can relate to.
Yea I hate the 2nd choice thing in a way. Infact, most of the time I'm the Last Choice, Last to be Picked in a event/trip/team activity. Last to be picked whenever I play any sport related game... And I'm not bad at sports (Except for Football because I'm a horrible goal keeper, I'm better as a midfielder). They probably just pick me last because I don't say much.
@youtuby girl omg same
2nd choice is meh. Last Choice is where the pain is at.
@@UNLIMITED-DAN and when you do say something, they get defensive, like "how dare you speak out place" So I just keep quiet, if I get picked last or not at all I don't say anything. I've learned to accept where I stand. I hope at times the friends I do have, slowly forget about me. I can then just focus on me.
She amazes me. How she is able to get up and speak so candidly about her illness. And she's such a great speaker. This had to be so hard for her.
I think the whole term of so called mental illness should just be abolished!!!! It sets people back. People are not labels.
Lynn Marie Anderson I completely agree!
@@lynnmarieanderson1744 I was saved only because I was able to put a label on my mental illness
@@lynnmarieanderson1744 if they have a mental illness should it just be ignored then? 🤦♀️
@@lynnmarieanderson1744 the term of so called physical illnesses should be abolished! Labels hold people back! Diabetic? No way!!!
I have no friends either, but am not lonely, so it’s okay. The friends I’ve had in the past always made me feel like I was truly alone
It's funny how people can make you feel worse than being alone.
My friends in past left me like nothing and I felt that they are my life. Every thing was perfect when we were together but after the school they didn't even cared if I'm living or dying.
@@manvi1103 Happened to me, some people are just users and want the popularity and someone to entertain them instead of actually caring about people themselves. A lot of people have Asperger's syndrome and these are the people who don't call much and can't be there for you emotionally, why? because they mentally can't understand what the other person goes through by putting themselves in your shoes, they lack sensitivity and compassion and never say sorry, i know because i know too many with this condition. I don't have friends with Aspergers anymore as they are so negative and always moan and slag people off and they bring me down!
@@manvi1103 same with me
@@eifionphillips3004 hmm but still surprisingly life was going beautifully with them 😢
"And remember: Being alone does not have to mean being lonely."
- Dr. Daniel Marston
True!!!
Thanks for making it clear that 'having no friends" could be a conscious and crucial decision in the healing process of many mental health issues. This talk is so brave and honest.
I can make friends easily. After getting to know them, which can take a few weeks to a few years, I find it hard to maintain the friendship and I usually don’t. I would rather be alone than put up with drama or narcissism. I’m a great listener, very generous, always ask how they are doing or remember what our last conversation was so I can ask about them in a caring way. I rarely get that in return. It doesn’t make me mad, I just lose interest in the friendship. I’m so glad I have a hobby of quilting that keeps me busy and content.
I absolutely can relate to you on that. I've spent much of my time uplifting others and all I got i return are back stabbers. It hurt me but I got over it and started protecting my energy.
Mimi Ham Same here. I tend to feel like they don’t really want to actually hang out after an awesome connection and good conversation, days go by and it’s the end because of whatever reasons. I can’t bother with it anymore, I learned I need to be my own very best friend for awhile and focus on me and my family. Honestly that takes enough time. I’d enjoy a best friend that just understands me and my ways and could get together a couple times a month, that be awesome.
At least the quilt can't hurt you ,or cheat on you.
@@kenishahammond3935 Me too. I finally decided to think of myself. Lift weights, maintain a healthy diet, and I'm also money ahead. No drama,insults ,arguing.
@Katherine Alexandra Same here,and they only communicate when they want something.
I rather be alone than having friends who take advantage from me.
Or friends that are just missing in action when you need them.... we all know those ones.
Had friends get revealed as both these types last year
That is not a friend
Exactly! Yes I had been taken advantage of a few times...
the only friend i got its Jewel the smart person in our class then me we talk about strange disturbing facts that i rather not mention
I wish I had at least one friend whom I can share my feelings. I don't want to die alone. Not once I have thought of committing suicide lately but I decided not to because of these comments. After reading these comments I felt that I'm not lonely. Thank you all and I wish you all to have lifelong friends and be happy!!!
You're not alone in feeling this way, it's not easy but we'll get through these lonely times:) hugs from Ohio 💚
I was able to get through this feeling now, thank you all for supporting me. I realized that I had to feel this in order to understand what real happiness is, which I had looked for it in a wrong place.
I wish everyone who is going through this to overcome and become more experienced in this life.
@@user-gk7br4cc9i How are you now brother? If you could then share me your Instagram id or whatsapp, it would be great to become your friend.
*(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤Hello from Florida, and I believe our posts help lift and encourage others, its important to share your feelings at times, you never know what one is going thru, I genuinely believe that when I post for instance prayer or in agreement with illness etc, it helps others know they're not alone.*
Everybody is going to die alone. But I’m glad you feel comfortable now.
I never had a friend since when I was 10, if the universe going to give me an opportunity to have a friend I'm gonna accept it even if it's only one.
“I am a good person, and a good friend”
I don’t care if I’m gonna go through the rest of my life without anyone even batting an eye in my direction, but I know I am those two things
Same.
Same
At least you know who you are ,and you accept it. Some people don't know who they are, and continue to hang around toxic people who they think are their friends.
I'm glad I'm at least one of those things
I want to be that kind of person.
I had no friends for 21 years yes! And I'm 22. But since a year I started only thinking about my self care.
I exercised, meditated, prayed everyday, read good books, worked hard for my goals and smiled more and more even without cause and started to be unnecessarily nicer to everyone.
Things change guys! Life gets better! I felt like giving up for so long still sometimes negativity tries to get the best of me. But I will not stop. I want my mind under my control.
So love yourself and work on yourself. True friends will eventually come.. and friends could be anyone. ❤
Please keep smiling. Your smile is so cute. 😊
Thanks sweta you feel me happy.
Thanks.
Can i find you on facebook? I'm 20 and i feel the same😊
@@sofijasmiljanic3698 I am facebook . Will you be my friend
@@pranaykohli5205 yes
I've been alone without friends for so long it feels numb. But sometimes the loneliness just kills me.
I feel the same way. If you give me your email address we could communicate. I moved to Ghana from the UK and have found it so difficult to get to know people, the language barrier doesn't help either
You are brave for saying it outloud. Be good to yourself and don't try too hard
Watching everyone live life while you live in solitude, afraid of engaging with anyone due to bad experiences and fear is almost as low as it gets.
She's a really good speaker.
Indeed
There's no way I could ever have spoken like her at her age.... not even today!
I've always been a lonesome soul. I found that while I desired for close intimate relationships, someone to call a best friend or a soulmate, I actually thrive when I'm alone. I've had friends throughout the years but eventually they fade into oblivion because they move on and I move on and it's like we never crossed paths. But I am completely comfortable with my lonesomeness. I don't crave human interaction in a way that most people do. I interact with others daily in my job but in the privacy of my home, I am completely alone. I like it that way. I don't think I would be changing any time soon.
ahh.. I absolutely relate to that entire history and present situation of yours.... i remember even with friends I used to pull back for a week or two... to restore my peace... they knew that I needed my me time. back when I used to have a huge bunch... mostly coz I was a student... Now I am a freelance writer... all my work is online... and guess my friends too... people from other countries... Netizens... with whom I have good conversations and maybe video calls once in a while... all the connection I need. And knowing them I can say... we are a huge number.... People who can't be bothered to make friends, or date, marry or have children, because we don't see the need for it. Instead we use our time to do things that make us happy and have each other to take comfort in.
I feel the exact same way. The human interactions i experience in my my job is more than enough for me.
I think there is something in our DNA that biologically pushes us to interact with other people. And when a person fights this group mentality or gestalt mind set, some form of pain results. I'd rather experience that pain rather than be something I am not.
Lain oh I recognise your life. I am just like you. Thank you for your honesty.
This is me spot on! Like I like people, and i enjoy the fleeting laughter and moments shared! But beyond anything else... I enjoy my own company best!
Crying. Thank you so much for this talk. I needed it. You're amazing. Being friendless is so challenging. My case is due to severe traumas I've experienced (I have complex PTSD), & mental illness too. Thank you for letting me and others know that we are not alone, & for being inspiring. Wishing you nothing but the very best experiences and company in life. You are worthy, and I'm so glad you said it.
Can I be your friend? Without any other intentions:) just friends,
And it's totally fine if you don't want to
Sometimes I can be fine with having no friends, other times like tonight, it hurts my heart and my soul. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. At 43, there’s probably not much hope of friendship at this stage.
Hope everyone reading these comments is ok ❤️
hope you are ok too
Hope doesn't diminish with age! It just changes forms. You are as able to make friends at 50 as at 20, though as this speaker says doing so or not does not determine your worth ❤ Wishing you all the best
Same. I know many people and suggest getting together with them. Never happens. I go out of my way to help others, without any expectations, but don't get the same in return.
Same with moi. My friends always needing someone to play the ROBIN role....never again...I'd rather be alone...as depressing as this may be...fml...
Better live alone than pleasing those ungrateful existences lmao
Same here.
same here. plus people tend to betray me in major ways
Awh me too :( sounds arrogant but often times I wish I could be my own friend
I’m a teenage boy. Right now is the time I should be hanging out with my friends, skipping curfew, going on dates, doing illegal things, whatever.
Instead, my best friend is my little sister, I spend time reading and playing the Sims, I’ve never dated anyone, and thinking deeply about whatever I want.
Sometimes I’ve wished I was different, and that I could give up my introverted ways, but I prefer myself the way I am.
It's actually one of my long term goals to form a strong friend group 😎😎😎
Glad your not doing illegal things.
join a sports club, do something where you can compete with other men, trust me it helps fighting lonliness
@Rafee Kazi you should always show respect to your competitors
Friends come and go, your sister will always be there.
What I have understood in life is that, the very best friend is just yourself... you always take care of yourself when there is something in need..... being hungry, being ill, being thirsty, being injured. Like I mean... does anyone, except your mom/family, say: ''Ohh let me buy you some food cuz you hungry. Ohh here take my chair to sit. Ohh come let me take you to the doctor, ohh so you have no money? here take all my 500 dollars''.....every single out there takes care of himself and just to understand that every man... is his own man...but... however... at some point, some people will offer you any of those. but don't view him as a soulmate/best friend cuz that is sometimes a mere illusion... cuz he/she just offered something to be nice.
so guys all in all I wish you a happy new year and stay strong peeps
Brave Girl! Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m 37 years old, I have two kids, and I still talk to my stuffed bear because there is literally no one else.
Wow, we have identical situations 🙏🏾
Same except I”m 44 and I have three kids.I talk to my cats lol
Nothing wrong with that.
I upgraded to a dog from my stuffed animals
You look beautiful, I can’t believe it!! I’m in the same situation though... 38 divorced one big girl at least we can support each other here!
This was recommended me. How did youtube know?
CZcams tracks EVERYTHING you look at. Then they run an algorithm on stats collected to determine your interests.
I personally believe they made thats choice for me because i watch a lot of Dr.Who 😭
Jazzy-J X I’d be your friend!
Right? CZcams is like “surely she has no friends with how many CZcams videos she watches”
I'm expecting the next video they recommend to be entitled "You Have no Friends".
"I have no friends"
Watching this in this quarantine period. I knew from before that I didnt have any friends and love being alone. But atleast once I think it would be better if someone just like me understands me better in the same way I do. I stay with my parents and elder brother. Everyone is busy with their own lives. When I tell my mom I have no friends, she blames me saying I cant mingle with people and keep on fighting with them this is the reason I dont like to open up and share things with others. Whenever people ask me who is ur bestfriend, I reply 'none' and when they ask how many friends do u have I just say two to three but I dont really mean that. I do have two to three friends but they dont really get me. As time passed by, I realized people change so fast and things arent the same like before,every individual think in their own way. We cannot expect people to think the same way like we do. Time flies,people change. Its so happy and peaceful being alone but we should have enough patience to become independent. Being dependent made me realize that its so tough being lonely! :)) btw i'm going to turn 18 within 1 day and as usual i spend my time only with my fam
I understand what you feel I spend all my time here on youtube watching videos i dont have any social app and when it became unbearable i start reading comments and reply to some of these which i like ,I am gonna turn 19 in two months I think it helps me i wish you happy Life
Turned 18 a while ago.
I shall call my friend then.
:)
Personally I think having no friends or a small circle is very peaceful. I've tried to connect with people. Have friends, be nice, be social and open up. But it seems with every friendship I've had I've been hurt badly. Been made to feel as if I'm not good enough or that I can't be myself. People are just disappointing. It's better to focus on yourself, learn to enjoy alone time. Improve yourself. Do things for yourself. You don't need others to be happy.
I am hypochondriac, have depression and anxiety and I think I am very unlikable as I am asocial person, introvert and have no idea how to deal with people. This is why I have no friends at all. I literally don't know how to small talk, and even few minutes of talking to someone exhausts me so much I need to escape. That is seen as sign of "unfriendly" person, so they all avoid me. I sometimes think people hate me because they can see I am not normal and they are afraid or repulsed by that.
Biljana Malesevic same
maybe your hypochondria makes you think you have depression an anxiety (jk) Hope you overcome everything. Despite everything crazy happening right now in this world, life is too precious. You are not unlikeable, you try to conmect to the wrong people. Been there. Sending happy thoughts.
@@teodoraghioc3106 thank you, that is possible. At this point I am not sure what causes what. I am just so tired.
I’ve never read something so honest and true. I experience the same thing. I also feel like people hate me because I cannot stand small talk and I am very antisocial. It’s weird how similar this post of yours is to me. I also am a hypochondriac and very anxious. I think too much, I think people can sense that.
@@gothicshawty5676 thanl you for nice words. It's hard to understand people like us. I am still not able to manage relationships with people and it gets harder to try with years going by.
I’m in my third year of college and I have no friends either. I made friends in first year but they’re not true friends; they’re only concerned with themselves. And as a premed student, I found that my grades increased when I stopped hanging out with those people. Hence why I have no friends. I enjoy the peace of mind.
i made "friends" in college but once we graduated, we never talked or hung out again
@@buffycatnip same
I thought I was alone :( only know people for one semester and then they are gone.
Id like to be your friend i would keep in touch, let me tell you one thing about myself i have a binge drinking problem which im trying to get sorted, every weekend i just binge. Im feeling alittle bit of anxiety even right now because of it.
i have “friends” but they never text me or ask to hangout. i always text first and carry on the entire conversation. i’m the one who has to arrange plans. i hate it
exactly me. i have to invite them to hangout first all the time or else we won't meet up. it sucks so much.
I had a friend and she came to my house quite a bit but she never invited me to her house or wanted to celebrate her b-day with me.
I would get away from them as fast as you can. If you don't, you will keep getting used.
i asked my two "friends" if they wanted to hang out during the weekend and they said "sure." next thing i know they went on a road trip to california without even telling me about it that same weekend.
baby jimin I have asked my “friend” to hang out several times. We’ve never even hung out before but known each other for years. This girl STRAIGHT UP told me she doesn’t wanna hang out with me, yet weeks later it’s still me for some reason who receives her 30 texts a day even tho I’ve made it clear “do not speak to me anymore.”
"Though I don't have any friends right now, I intend to have them in the future. I am a good person. I am worthy of friendship. And I don't make too bad of a friend myself."❤❤🙌🙌
I'm 70 years old and my "friends" are my myriad of Doctors I see, the only people I see. My GP, Specialists, technicians etc.
At times I'm so lonely I want to swallow a handful of pills. I have nothing to live for and feel useless and think "who would cry
for me if (when) I die?" The true answer is NO ONE. The world would go on as if I never ever existed. Most nights I lay awake
in bed wishing I could just stop breathing. It's said that suicide is the coward's way out but to my thinking you need a huge
amount of courage to even approach that precipice.. Thank You for taking the time to read this comment.
@Tiffany's Piece of Cake Thank You Tiffany. Do you really want to befriend a 70 year old Canadian man?
I'll afraid I'll be too much of a burden. BTW I know the Internet can be a scary
dangerous place but I am who I appear to be. I'm even afraid of you. Actually my best friend is my cat,
Hi Daniel - Your honesty took courage as well. Thank you for sharing. So I second Tiffany in another offer of friendship.
I felt so sad reading your comment. Please don't give up on life and don't give up on people entirely. Maybe the way your feeling means you need to do something differently, like try to find some type of activity where you can meet people of a variety of ages, maybe joining a book discussion group at a library??? I have problems with severe depression myself, what gets me out of my shell is I like to sing and sometimes I go to a local bar on the weekend and do karaoke. It's just fun!!! I truly wish you the best.
You can do this! If we can survive Canadian cold, we can build and join a community again :)
Daniel, you must reach out and take courage to do whatever it takes to not feel bad, aka do whatever it takes to make you feel good
I have no friends either. Even if I “try” to make friends, idk what to do. I have become so accustomed to being alone. The only txts I receive are from my mother or brother.
Same here. Mom, sis, bro, niece. Those are the people I message, but I'm thankful because not everyone has good relationships with their siblings or parents. I learned to appreciate that those are healthy friendships. Some people have literally no one.
Can we be friends?
Same thing. I’m 24 about to be 25 and I only receive texts from my mother. I’m afraid of what I’m going to do when my parents pass away.
Well it’s nice since you’re not completely alone at least. Most of my family never seemed to like me. And we barely even speak at all.
It's true. U feel u dont know what to do when u try to make friends/ or are actually around someone others, when u spend so much time alone.
I don’t have OCD, but I do have a whopping case of ADHD which birthed a MONSTROUS case of social anxiety. It’s so good for people like us to hear others talk about their symptoms. It helps to identify the cruel thoughts we have as symptoms and not truths.
I like your choice of words,
Monsterous and whopping.
It is more like internalizing your own feelings and personal fears through experiences. It’s pretty heartbreaking. 💔😢
Anyone who sees this, I will be your friend.
@@apurvasharma02 well then, you found one!
You are really good 🙂
I have no true friends either. My world revolves around my children. I'm a single parent. I feel, I've lost myself along the way. I even have trouble dating. Gosh, I've never spoken this out literally. I pray things change for me this year and find a good fitting mentor. Thank you for sharing.
I feel the same way you do. I'm a single parent and only have one friend from my childhood. It's hard to make friends as you get older. My life revolves around my children. However, they will go to college one day and I'll be alone. I pray to God that He brings Christian people in my life so that can have meaningful friendships. I'd also like to remarry one day, but don't have the desire to date now because I'm focused on my children. I trust God and He knows what I need.
@@BeeChance, thank you! Praying it all goes well for you and your heart desires.
find your virtues and abilities and passions and dreams ...... those children that don't hv parents wish they had parents;some children with abusive parents wish if they never had one........same applies for dating,1in 562 will be your perfect match, science has shown..... .
Parenting is a job from which we all must retire early on,only then our children will be able to learn to be strong on their own .........we must pursue our own passions and dreams,.. children will find their ways on their own,it's our duty to instill in them compassion,and kindness,and wisdom, strength,for their journey is far different from ours.
WATCH ECKART TOLLE VIDEO,IT WILL HELP A LOT....and Stoic philosophy stuff.
Online courses help women a lot in training in dating......
That's my opinion.choose as you may........thank you....be happy
@@philosophicalmonkachu7711, thank you! Appreciate your kind words.
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Having no friends feels crazy so alone and unwanted.
I know it might be hard to believe right now, but just know that there are people out there who want/care about you. You just have to let them get to know the real you. If you want talk sometime, I'd be up for exchanging contact info (emails/snap). Maybe we can become pen-pals or something.
It feels refreshing and liberating to me. I have more peace of mind and I can focus on me and my needs. I don't need "friends" to validate my self worth.
That’s what happens when you live for others acceptance
It's depressing.
How do you acquire friends.
Good lord, young lady, your vocabulary, self-possession, introspection, superior public speaking skills, authenticity are such strengths. You are a gift. My daughter has OCD, diagnosed at 12, and is now thirty. She found significant help through cognitive therapy, although she continues to manage it and it pops up in different ways. Bravo for shining light on this condition and for taking the leap to disclose your experience. So proud of you.
When I feel alone...I just came here to read the comment section even if I red it many times....nowdays I just can't bear the pain...being an introvert sucks badly😥
I'm so sorry @ayantika paul ♥ 😔
@@scarletlove214 🙂💛
I can relate to having no friends. No one calls me, I don't get any invites.
I have had to go through this for many years...and it hurts.
Kurt R. Warner I'm sure you have a few friends.
Kurt, join a club or organization where you can meet like-minded individuals. Give it some time and don't come across as desperate. Have pride in your appearance every time you go out into public places. Good luck!
"It's a lonely world full of people who are afraid to make the first move" @ the film green book. If someone wants something, its up to them to actively peruse it (I.e. initiating conversations, try friending apps Bumble BFF, etc.). It isn't easy making friends, but if you keep at it someone is bound to stick. I'd be up for exchanging emails/snap or something, if you want to talk.
@@Bob-ej1er only people with no experience in this topic would say something like you just said. It isn't that simple. If it were, no one would be lonely in the first place.
@@rollerbladinggeek5507I said that because for a long time I would rarely initiate anything. I expected if someone wanted to talk to me, they would just approach me. Passively waiting didn't really get me anywhere. I may not have gotten the results I wanted yet, but at least I can be proud of myself for trying to take some control of my life. However I apparently have no experience in this topic, so don't listen to me.
I have no friends and feel so free. I now can focus on myself and manifest the things I want. If you love the person your with which is yourself, then you can never be alone.
I have learned to live without friends and I am happy
Some people are meant to be alone.
Once you accept that you will be free to enjoy life.
manifest?
I hear her. I wish the best to all the friendless people out there.
Holy Goddess! I didn't know OCD also meant ALL OF THAT! Respect to those who live with it. Holy cow, you guys are amazing!
This comment section and video are such a comfort. I don't have friends. I've had them in the past, but depression and anxiety has made it difficult to keep them or to make new ones. Honestly, unless it's going to result in a meaningful connection, I just don't have the energy to put into people. I'm incredibly lucky that I have a wonderful fiancé. But that doesn't stop me from being lonely sometimes. I feel so out of place every time I step onto my college campus that I can't help but think something is seriously wrong with me.
Nothing is seriously wrong with you if you want a meaningful connection with somebody.
Animals. The best friends you can have.
This would appear to be very much true
as long as you have food for them
@@rollerbladinggeek5507 And $$$ for vet, teeth cleaning, grooming, ect. Adoption is for life. The joy & comfort they give is priceless.
they’re not judgmental. they don’t care they love you unconditionally
@@cherrybomb2600 but you need that money in order to afford that price
I knew that a video like this would have comments giving advice about "Just choose a life of solitude and you won't be disappointed by people", people sharing their preferred and content life without 'disappointing' friends and family and such.
And the main pattern I see in all of these people is that they have had unfortunate experiences, many since childhood, and due to these consistent experiences they've lost trust in trust and hope and it's completely understandable
When you keep getting the same results for your work, it nurtures into you. It becomes a part of your beliefs, your fundamental. It becomes your perception.
But this needs to be acknowledged and understood that not everyone is like that. Not everyone is going to be a bad friend or family. I know, it seems impossible to think that when each time you've turned out to have a bad friend. Each time, you were used or abused. But not everyone is like that.
I say this as a person who despite having a great, loving family believes that they would have a better life without making or having friends, that I shouldn't take on the annoying responsibilities of friendships and just be content with myself and be my own best friend for life.
But I've also realised that if friendship done with the right person or persons can be one of the greatest things in your life. It doesn't have to be many, just a small circle or even one person.
What I mean is is that you don't have to make a definite decision about how you will live life, what you will do and never do. Because you are always changing and the things around you are too. Just keep doing what you love, live your life and if somewhere along the way, someone comes in to your life who brings significant happiness and you like who you are because of them and you want to keep having those kind of changes, then why not? Why not take a chance on them?
Be the person you wish others were to you, be unapologetically yourself and you'll hopefully attract the right people and even if you don't, you were a great friend to yourself and you did not regret it.
She's taking personal responsibility for her situation. It's soooo easy to play the victim, and she is voluntarily accepting responsibility instead. That takes unbelievable courage, discipline, focus, and commitment. This girl is badass. She inspires me.
She did a great job with her presentation
I just prefer to be alone now. I chose to become a friend to myself. I don’t need anyone to like me.
I like you 😁
Alexa Boxler too late
It’s good to be your own best friend.
You seem to have really cool interests based off your playlists (art, gardening, fitness). I bet you'd be fun to get to know
This summer was the worst summer I’ve ever had, because my only friends left me since they found new one’s while I was in summer camp. I’ve suffered a lot, even showed my weak side to one of them and I regret doing that, but now I am happy, because I realised the real best friends that I’ve always had are my dad and mom ❤️😊
This woman has very powerful words that strike me in ways I can’t explain. She laid out her arguments beautifully! I also thought she looked so beautiful the whole time. Awesome TED Talk
I was always the kid who ate their lunch alone at school, went home and didnt go out to play at the weekends. I'm 22 now and nothing has changed. I leave the house to go to work and that is it, after work I'm alone in my house, on the weekends I'm alone in my house when you're 22 years old and all you can see is people clubbing on their Instagram stories, or snapchat stories of their days out with friends, and you're alone wishing things could be different. I dont want to be like this, but I dont know how to fix. I've been lonely for so long I've lost all self esteem and convinced myself that I must be too boring for friends, and I probably am. But the depression can become painful sometimes.
We tall about being elderly and alone, but when you're young and lonely it can sometimes hurt even more. I'm wasting my youth and my life with it.
As a homebody, I can really relate to what you wrote. Would you be interested in exchanging contact info (emails/sc) maybe we can become pen-pals or something.
Ryan B It is amazing how you explained your whole life from the day of your birth until where you are now and let me tell you, I have been through every single moment you mentioned so it’s not just you. I literally have been alone my whole life, I just didn’t know how to make friends although I wasn’t shy to talk and participate during a discussion. And I’m 23 today and still lonely even though I have a few friends of my own but I don’t get along with them so well. I don’t know where you are now and whether if you’re gonna read this one day but I just wanted to tell you my story which is pretty much the same as yours. Anyway all these things have been going on for a long time in my head and I really needed a person to tell so thanks. Sorry for my bad english lol
Ryan B Funny thing is I didn’t realise that i’m so lonely until I was over 20 years old! I used to be kinda fine with being alone back when i was a kid. But now It actually began to hurt, sometimes I even start crying the moment I realise I don’t have any real friends around me, I have some who love me but what’s the point of love when you can’t understand me right? And they all keep making promises that they don’t keep and wouldn’t talk to me for weeks while I never leave them without checking on them from time to time! Any way Sorry to bother you but It’s just that I was super tired of keeping those words inside my heart so I just figured it was the right moment to let them out
@@re553 Thank you for sharing. This was petty relatable like why do people suddenly have an existential crisis in their 20ies about things they didn't care about/pay much attention too before. Love can be tough because people express it differently (example: touch/tactile, gifts, acts of service/favors, quality time together, compliments, etc.) and it can be hard to accept love from someone if you don't feel they know who you really are. Also, it is hard to find real friends where both people are equally invested in each another and I also hate when people get my hopes for no reason. I don't think people are intentionally trying to be cruel, they just may not know how to effectively support/show they care about somebody else. We all have limited time and energy, so its important to consider who and what we invest ourselves in. It's sad most people want the same thing (i.e. be loved unconditionally), but not everybody's willing to reciprocate it.
I was the same way I never got to experience clubbing and going out when I was in my early twenties and felt lonely. But now that I became a mom I realized that it’s not important. I think that not being involved in that kind of lifestyle gave me a better head on my shoulders to be myself and not do what others perceived as cool
This is incredible -- so intensely raw, heartfelt and brave.
Absolutely beautiful
“You ever been in a group a crowd ? And still feel alone, your made to stand out guys you/we don’t need friends” 💯🦋
“Having a preference for organization does not mean you have OCD.” TRUTH!!!
“I abandoned the people who did not abandon me”
Very deep.
I have basically no friends either. Isn't she the coolest bravest young woman. Wonderful talk.
As an older guy I wish I could put into words how sad it makes me feel to hear young people admitting loneliness, people need to ground themselves first, dispel the myth of apparent happiness and admit the sky looks beautiful today, then youll become the truth you seek..you sit under the light of the same stars, you are not separate, only if you embrace it, we are one..
Love these two comments
@Goldenmath and yours. WONDERFUL
Sometimes what is also really hard is when you have friends ( I have 3 ) but they all have busy lives with boyfriends and children and I have neither of those things. So if I want to go on holiday or do something on the weekend none of them want to spend it with me. Only once in a while and when they do they always have to leave early to go back to their partner or some calling from their full lives. They are genuine nice caring people but just too busy for me with their own lives. That can be SUPER lonely too.
Good thing she has a good mom. Mine was an abusive narc that I had to leave behind. We all have our own issues.
Same here
Yeah. But we don't know what her mom is really like. Narc mothers tend to make OCD children. Being raised by a narc is what makes you hate yourself and second guess yourself constantly.
WhatAWorld spot on. Crazy moms breed overly conscious self-children.
@@themaggattack 100% true in my experience
FlyingRose S same!
PPPPREAAACH!!!!! Courtney, you are a beautiful human being, and I'm so grateful that you shared this. I also struggle with anxiety and depression, self-isolating when connection is what I desperately seek. I am observing compassionately, the shame I've created around my mental health, and want to let go. Bless you big time
U can let it go it with exposure therapy...expose to your fears more and more,......face them and you burn those demons bit by bit,it's like going to gym,,.......Watch ECKART TOLLE video ON FEAR...
IT Will help you....... sufferings are the greatest spiritual teachers ,let's learn then shall we...God bless
Self-isolating is so me
I am so grateful for this time we live in where a friendless young person will speak up about her situation
Hi
👫👫💗💗🌷🌷
Holy heck that may have been the best delivery of a ted talk I have ever seen.
As someone else said, this talk took guts. I've changed my thinking on this; I used to be surrounded by people all the time, I had a very busy social life with lots of partying - how many of those people could I really count on as friends? In the end, after all those years, only one. When you are talking about friends, you are setting the bar high and talking about 'meaningful connections'; most people who seem to have a lot of friends still feel isolated because the relationships often don't run deep. This talk really made me think about the inner lives of others. We live in a society where a sense of isolation is very common (almost the norm), even though we are told we are all more connected and social media accounts show thousands of friends.
I've never had true friends. I've tried to have them, because I felt there was something very wrong with me enjoying and preferring to be on my own. Now, several years later I've accepted that I don't have the need to have friends. Realizing and being ok with that changed my life. I have my family and my partner, and I couldn't be happier living as simple and peaceful as that. I'm sure friends are great to have if they truly are your friends. But you don't need them to be happy. Loved this TED talk!
Better to be alone then in bad company. I learned the hard way.
5 years ago my husband and I moved to a 55 and over community in Florida. I thought,”Now I’ll be able to have friends”. At first I socialized with people, and if I tried I probably could make friends. But I realized I’m really a loner! No one else reads the books I read, or is interested in the things I’m interested in. And I finally realized I could not care less about not having friends. I’m never bored, I have too many interests.