Masculine Men Hate Strong Women
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- Or is she lowkey critiquing these guys and saying that you can’t trust, respect, or feel safe with a “masculine man?”
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That's exactly what my mother used to say to me; that I needed to be very careful not to injure a man's ego because their egos were so very fragile, more than a woman's. She also lectured me on how men are naturally able to see the bigger picture, so a woman should never question his judgement because "He's thinking about what is best for the whole family". This coming from a woman who made all the decisions in the family, including when and where we moved to, while my dad literally could not care less. She also told me in high school that I was, "Too smart for the boys. I was making them feel intimidated." to which I responded, "Good." She wasn't happy with that.
Was your mom Mrs. Featherington? Also, some women will let the man believe he is in charge, but they pull all the strings.
Good gods my mom was exactly the same! Except she added religion into the mix lol
🤦♀️
Go, be yourself and the right people will stay and figure every challenge out with you!
Just be you!
Support from women for women is so rare. And I‘m doing my best to ignore „the unwritten law“ „as a woman you have to tell other women how horrible they are and worthless without being chosen by a man.“
Don't hate speech your Mom come on.
Where is the Love?
That being said yes men in general have different things they are resilient towards then women, being on the side of caution is never wrong.
@@Max-ki6df she isn‘t hate speeching her mom, she is just telling what happened to her.
That‘s a difference.
And I‘m sorry to say: but some parents shouldn‘t be parents.
Funny because no one actually wants to be in a relationship with a controlling partner regardless of their gender, but something tells me she’s not actually talking about an abusive relationship. Rather, she’s using a lose definition of ‘control’ to define women who’ve set _some_ expectations for the men in their life. She’s basically saying, “Ladies, men don’t want to be called out on their bullshit.”
Well, no some people do want to be in controlling relationships. I'm not even talking about kink. I'm talking about the small set of people who want to be in a controlling relationship so that they don't have to have any responsibility for their lives. The "Oh my life's in the pooper. It's all Darren's fault. He's the one that made the decision to blah blah blah" people.
It is rare, but I have come across some people who have wanted their partners to control them in the relationship. This is so they could be like a child and follow instructions without having any responsibility for decision making. One was a woman who had too much adult responsibility as a child. But after some years, gradually she regained power. Her husband went with it, and adapted with her, as they addressed each issue of power imbalance together. Because he loves her and knew she could leave if she wasn't happy with his control. He didn't want her to leave. They have transitioned into a relationship of equality. They have been through a lot, and are stronger together every day.
Two were men who had controlling mothers, and found what they were familiar with in a partner. They both had areas of their lives where they would do their own thing. They would hide it from their wife, to have some control, while attempting to avoid conflict with their wife.
I agree with the rest of your comment. That makes sense.
Yeah, I think can agree that a controlling and even abusive partner is consider by society to be a bad thing, despite the rare individuals who seem to want one. And if that’s what this fluffy blond throwback meant I’d agree with her. But we know she’s playing to the “keep sweet” mentally, or whatever they call it.
I remember my tomboyish undiagnosex Autistic teen self watching these girls my age humoring boys as they did and said the most irritating, asinine things, and wondering why they didn’t call them out on their bs. I even heard a guy in college describe these girls as “stop it… some more!” girls. The type that protests in a manner that suggests they aren’t really protesting.
@@beeziebubs2756 you are making a lot of assumptions there based on the framing of the video by the prof.
She could as easily mean toxic controlling and critical women. We will never know.
Yeah that was I was thinking. She was referring to the bare minimum of holding accountability and boundaries, rather than narcissistic sociopathic behaviour
I am very petite. I fit into "impossible beauty standarts".
I learned in University that A LOT of men are nice in the beginning but get more and more angry the more they get to know me.
For being better. For being critical. For not getting "boyfriend status" just because they talked to me. For rejecting them.
A LOT of men are very nice to me in the beginning. But the more they learn I am "not available" the more the kindness Switches to anger, bullying and in several cases STALKING
Several? I am so sorry.
The nice guy act, yeah I have two of those at work. They were all nice and sweet til I turned them down and they turned and have actively tried to get me fired. It doesn't work because I do my job but still, it's not cool.
I had one of those a couple yrs ago. He went after me socially by spreading rumors throughout the entire neighborhood, professionally by putting my biz on 2 diff escort sites, convinced others to start stalking & harrassing me. I don't find myself all that attractive either. He was just a fking psycho.
I hope you keep a weapon you're good with handy, because the older you get, the more physical they will become.
Society does absolutely nothing to prepare or help men to deal with and accept rejection.
Some of us figure it out on our own. But far too many don't.
Women can be real problematic too in this regard.
We as a society need to prepare both genders to react better to strong unrequittet emotions.
That's not easy and not done by communicating expectations. This requires an entire skill-set.
A man told my mom that I could have many boyfriends, but I intimidate them. I told this to a boyfriend years later. His response,”Do you really want a man that is that easily intimidated?”
The phone call is coming from inside the house... Why does misogyny feel extra vile when it is coming from a woman?
Because its unexpected.
@@2SugarbearsIncorrect. We see it frequently. It's a vety basic and common trauma response and frankly the only reason things ever got that bad. And we needto own that. That things didn't just get bad because men started to propagate abusive systems but also due to too many women leaning into the abuse instead of fighting for their freedom and supporting those who do instead of actively trying to suppress the problem.
You know, people and fight, flight, freeze, fawn, stonewall responses and so on! 😅
Because it is.
It makes ‘sense’ for a man to do things that will work out in to be completely in his favor, it’s just ridiculous when women support a system that keeps all women down. Like women who fought against the right for women to have a vote/voice in the way our societies function. Those types of women may as well be men, since they are basically regurgitating exactly what the men around them are saying, and doing as much damage to women as some men do. I call them pick me’s. Because that’s basically what they doing. 😅
It’s that ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ mentality and it’s total BS that helps me women ‘in our place’.
It’s like slugs being for salt.
Same energy as black maga voters to be honest. Marginalized communities being puppeted to justify their marginalization en masse is a valuable tool in convincing people that their subjugation is somehow moral, natural, or otherwise correct.
It feels more vile because it's perceived as a wasted betrayal. It's a betrayal because they're trying to throw us under the bus for their own benefit, and it's wasted because it's either not going to get them what they want, or they're going to be in a worse position than they started in.
I’m Diné (Navajo) and we’re a matriarchal and matrilineal culture yet our male warriors held off colonizers for over 300 years. They were some of the fiercest fighters on the continent.
But women were given warrior names and could fight alongside men, were heads of the households, and older women were key in our governments.
A truly masculine man needs a powerful woman by his side.
She is the first line of defense for the home and children when he’s away.
Only a weak pathetic man wants a shrinking violet he can have the upper hand with. In my opinion anyways, and I have centuries of cultural experience to draw on.
I'm part Apache and love this.
You say weak and pathetic like you're talking about physical strength.(?) There are men much stronger than I am that have no emotional control, act like children, and that display blatantly obnoxious and vile behavior towards women.
Unless you meant something else.. like mental strength? Then yes it makes sense.
I can't remember where I heard it, but it reminds me of a quote: "Ladies, speak up! The only men you will scare off are men you don't want."
True but not in the sense you are thinking. Opposites typically attract. I don't know why this is so hard for people to understand.
When talking about a man, it’s called leadership. When talking about a woman, it’s called control. These subtle differences in verbiage have a huge impact on perception. It’s like an added subliminal layer on top of an already bad message.
There are not bosses in relationships. It is a partnership. You both bring your strengths to the table, you both support each other in areas where you struggle. It isn’t a fight for power…or at least it shouldn’t be!
Don't underestimate how stupid men can be.
THIS!!!!!!
Correct, on every angle.
@@lifelikelisa as many years as I spent trying to keep my husband from doing stupid stuff, my perspective is different.
@@petehoover6616… maybe you shouldn’t be with a person you have to closely monitor…like he’s a child.
…and by “masculine,” we clearly mean, “insecure, alpha, macho, toddlers, whose emotional range goes from ‘me hungry’ to ‘me angry’ with little in between.
me horny?
those are the 3 only available emotions for such "men"
the inbetween is "me horny" and "me want attention"
And you shouldn’t insult toddlers like that, they are much more complex emotionally than some men allow themselves to be.
Love this comment. YES!!
Well said!
If a woman only controls men she doesn't feel safe and respected with, and if masculine men don't like women who are controlling, then he should make sure the woman feels safe and respected with him.
That would be woman's work to him.
If a woman is controlling and critical she needs to work on herself and men need to find someone nicer until she does. That’s true of anyone, though.
@@BeeWhistler I've asked men what they means by controlling and often is that they are told countless times to do their chores in the house or don't know what they need if they go food shopping or little things like this that they would be doing if they were living alone.
And if men don't know what a woman needs or men need to learn something that any functioning adult should know just take notes and try to improve. No one is born with knowledge we all have to learn it.
@@BeeWhistler Yes, nobody really likes to be with someone who is controlling and over-critical, and yes it's true for women, men and other.
@@victorvanvolt8425 A masculine man does the "manly" chores around the house that are traditionally assigned to men w/o having to be asked or nagged to do them.
Taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning up the garage, doing small repairs that need to be done. Most husbands don't have to constantly remind a woman to do the cooking and cleaning, WHY should a "masculine" man have to be reminded to do HIS chores???
It's also funny that she's saying no man wants a controlling woman while also trying to control men by defining masculinity.
Pre-emptive note: I am aware that plenty of women do not like men. However, the fact that she's worried about men's masculinity implies that _she_ does.
It's also just funny because there are DEFINATELY men that want a controlling woman. 😂
Some of the most masculine guys I know exclusively prefer strong women. They will refuse to date one who isn’t.
Strong as in they can confidently be themselves with their own opinions? or strong appearing as in bossy with anger issues?
They aren't the guys he's talking about. He's talking about the ones who are actually just bullies doing the alpha man thing. Do what I say or...
@@Csrracing2960Just like bullying mascs he's talking about, only female. No one wants either of them.
@Csrracing2960 how come neither option included being a muscle mommy that can bench at least 230
@@Csrracing2960 being bossy with anger issues is pretty weak appearing. like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
"Masculine men won't be attracted to you" is so not the threat they think it is.
Based on this and the "don't lead with your accomplishments" video, I'm tempted to make a dating profile that's just my CV and a dominatrix profile pic.
I like your idea!❤😂
It’s only a threat if a woman is defined by having a male partner (and often being a traditional wife to boot). If a woman doesn’t care about **needing** a partner to feel complete, then “scaring off men” by being assertive isn’t a threat. Unfortunately, the pressure for women to partner up and have children is still strong in certain areas, which makes this video dangerous to some women.
Lol!! 🤗🤗🤗 That’s perfect! It will weed out the chaff right from the get go.🤗❤️🐝
😂😅 LOVE it.
🤣🤣
“Masculine” here sounds more like insecure and fragile…
I guess “masculine” is a role to some people. Like a “stoic”. A restrictive set of guidelines to live by
Facts op
Only if your default assumption is that women are never wrong about anything. It’s not insecure or fragile to want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t badger and belittle you.
Feminists, in a broad sense, are very quick to paint any kind of male criticism of their partner as toxic and controlling. Yet any man who doesn’t have an infinite capacity to deal with criticism is fragile? Make up your mind.
@@Newnodrogbob But you're working from a caricature or straw man. The viewpoint the woman is pushing assumes the man should be the leader by default, reinforcing that particular "masculinity" ecosystem. The real position should be a mutual give and take, nobody should be controlling like that either way.
@@Newnodrogbob Prof here and much of the comment section is talking about how the woman Prof is replying to is wrong, so try again on that first part.
Secondly, it sounds like women around you have woken up to _your_ toxicity and removed themselves from your presence, and instead of performing any amount of self reflection, you've decided to demonize feminists who otherwise don't know you exist.
Women have been continuously criticized for centuries by _everyone_ my boy, it's only been within the last few decades that men have been subjected to the same. If you can't handle it, that's a skill issue and you should work on that. Granted, we should be working towards a culture that doesn't put anyone under that level of scrutiny, but social change moves at a glacial pace. You, however, can make personal progress much faster.
As a woman, I also need to feel respected and appreciated in a relationship. Funny how that works.
It’s almost like it’s because women, like men, are human beings, and human beings want to be respected and appreciated by their partners. Imagine that.
@@gryffindorftw6198 those ego boys sure do have a tough time wrapping their bigbrains around these concepts smh
No man, even the ones u hate so much that believe in old fashioned and traditional ways where men lead and women follow etc, none would disagree with what u just said. It's not oppression or weakness when a woman submits to a man she, loves, admires and respects and she's naturally feminine and gentle and he's masculine, has resources, is a leader and competent, but ur brainwashed by femenist propaganda which destroyed the nuclear family by leading women to thinking these men r controlling, it's the big bad patriarchy, no more being a traditional woman, ima become my own man be independent of men. what they doing is called divide and conquer, pinning us against eachother till it all ends and the comfortable distracted society collapses and naturally goes back to traditional gender roles to ensure our survival and femenism is thrown out the window. They did this in Rome when they were just like how it is now till the enemies barged in to them having parades and had no idea of the wars that were going on or too distracted to give a fuk.
@@robertsmith-williams5255everyone has an ego. Some people just show it more than others.
@@DrBased123som people simply do that because they are doing their job well enough and don't see themselves being a bit entitled as something wrong which is totally fair.
The best part about all of this, as a woman who leads with her accomplishments and expects the same of a partner, is men who find that distasteful are men I'd rather not be involved with so really, they're doing us a favor being so obviously detestable.
Exactly. Lead, follow, or get out of the way. In any healthy longterm relationship partners basically take turns making decisions according to their experiences or research, and they should each take their partners ideas into account.
I always wonder what these people expect to happen if the 'masculine man' in the relationship is laid low by accident or disease. Does he get abandoned as the woman seeks a healthy man to take care of her? Or does she set her jaw and do what's necessary, what any strong partner should do when the other is unwell? (oh wait, she is weak and incapable of making important decisions on her own. On to greener pastures!)
This is actually a good way to weed them out..❤❤
This is how I feel about the "single mom's are trash" crowd. Like okay, great! No one wants to be with a person who doesn't respect them anyways so it's not really a loss!
I remember when my mom started dating. She is the definition of a strong independent woman.
Many dates were intimidated by her stability, and honestly, that’s their loss. She is a kind, caring, and smart person.
On her first date with her now husband, he tried showing off his metal credit card, saying how he got these yearly rewards and whatnot for it. My mom then proceeded to explain how he was getting ripped off with overpriced yearly costs in exchange for cheap gifts. Probably saved him so much money.
And two weeks into dating, when he got severe burns from a propane tank exploding, she took him to the hospital and visited constantly.
Relationships aren’t about finding a “masculine man” or a “good woman”. It’s about having a partner who will be there for you and you for them.
Why did your mother stay with the loser?
@@wyleecoyotee4252 he’s not a loser. He’s a good guy. He treats my mom with respect and love, just as she does for him.
@@wyleecoyotee4252sometimes people can be ill informed about finances doesn't mean he's a loser.
Per one of my favourite online conversation images:
When somebody says that "a man likes to feel like a man," all I hear is "A man likes to feel superior to you and it's your job to make him believe it."
(continued) Someone said this to me once, that a man needs to feel like a man, I replied "well I'm not stopping him" and had to watch this fragile creature try to xplain to me that my strong personality could demean men. Like, if I have to pretend you are a strong man and cater to that then clearly you're not that strong dude.
💯 if you need mommy to make you feel strong, my man, your are so weak 😆
Exactly, people like that are why I can’t take conversations surrounding masculinity and femininity seriously anymore, because oftentimes it’s watered down to, “Make man feel good about himself” or “Boss woman around”, either way people like that are basically saying that we should treat both genders like children, that’s not good, especially for women because they’re put in a more vulnerable position like that. These kinds of conversations often border on advocating for abusive dynamics.
@gryffindorftw6198 Treating both like children. That's a very good way to put it. Thanks for posting that, I'll add it to my repertoire.
@@gryffindorftw6198yeah like a lot of those people seriously just need to get into bdsm and stop pretending that their point of view is standard. Just admit that you like dom/sub dynamics and join your community already, y'know?
@@jamiejam9976 Your comment reminded me of the time I saw a guy try to say that bdsm is born from a suppressed human desire for men to be dominant and women to be submissive, he claimed that women liking Fifty Shades of Grey is proof of this, not only is that ludicrous, but he seemed to forget that female dominatrixes are a thing and that a lot of men in those communities prefer the sub role. I swear a lot of these people who advocate for “traditional” relationships often don’t know what they’re talking about.
I'm a VERY strong woman, mentally and physically. Yet I've dated MANY wonderful "masculine" men... gun owning, truck driving, strong muscled men... who also clean their own houses, do their own laundry, and cook their own meals. THAT'S a strong man!!
I don't have time for these delicate flowers who can't/ won't take care of themselves, or are afraid that listening to/ taking into account my opinions makes them look soft, or think that compromise is a sign of weakness. I'm not looking for PROTECTION, or a KING, I'm looking for a PARTNER.
Edit: slight correction, I'm MARRIED to my partner.
Well I think we know who wears the pants in your relationship and based on what you said it’s definitely not him.
@@RussianOccupier190 easily put and right aswell.
@@RussianOccupier190 Is that a bad thing? If the dynamic works, it works. Like, you know nature doesn't care what you think lol.
My husband’s mistakes become my mistakes, you better believe I’m going to say something if I think he’s being reckless or irrational.
Oh no. Men I don't want anywhere near me think I'm not attractive. Lmao. Anyways.
The type of men who are this fragile just don't want to believe that a woman can teach them something. It hurts their ego to think that a woman might know something they don't.
Yes, there are people who are actually controlling to the point of abusive but I think in this video, she's using the word "controlling" to mean a woman who has her own opinions and is discerning.
If these "masculine men" want to sit in silence instead of interacting with a partner, why don't they stay on their own.
>why don't they stay on their own
Because "alone" doesn't cook the food, wash the dishes, and clean up the house for them, and because their idea of masculinity involves having as many children as possible.
@@awfuldynne the funny thing is, if they can't handle having a conversation with a woman who has her own opinions, why would they want kids 🤣 50/50 chance their kids will be girls and will tear them to shreds 😆 when those kids turn to teenagers, they will call their dads every name in the book and if their fragile egos can't handle it, too bad
@@awfuldynneLoneliness sucks. The stuff you wrote about is just frosting on a cake of companionship.
@@petehoover6616 I think I agree, but the comment I was replying to basically said these men are refusing to treat their partner as a companion, so clearly they don't want that cake from a woman. (they only want the icing? Yeah, that sounds like the maturity level they've shown to expect of themselves. It can be fun to extend a simile, metaphor, or analogy)
@@awfuldynne I'm sad when I see people use dogs and cats as substitute people.
My family must just be "off." I come from a large family of very hard-working, capable, financially successful men, that adore their kids and families. Not one of them married a weak woman. It has always been completely clear to me that weak men are are attracted to weak women.
Beg to differ. It’s dry scotch tape holding it together
Dried scotch tape with hair sticking to it
😂
Chewing gum.
Thoughts and prayers. 😂
Yeah, if it is ducttape, it will stay in place.
Well, it's their loss. I love strong women.
It never ceases to amaze me when people talk about strong men needing all these rules and explanations and protections to enhance their strength. If you are strong, then help is not needed.
Using her words: A masculine man will never need to be controlled. If you're feeling the need to control him, he isn't masculine.
No, there are a lot of masculine men that need to be controlled by the criminal court system. One of these guys will never make you feel safe and secure, but they are masculine.
@@vangu2918 Her rules create a tautology. It's circular or self defining. That is to say, useless. It's like the Speech Prof said, it's all made up.
In other words a masculine man is perfect???????Naaaaah!!!!
@@TheDYLAUGHING I think these vague labels can't be applied generally like the woman tries to do here because relationships are very dynamic with partners learning and adapting to each other all the time (or not). What is masculine or feminine is just a set of culturally approved characteristics which can change as culture changes. The words have limited use when discussing relationships beyond maybe describing initial attraction.
They say masculine when they want to say rigid and chouvinist. They say controlling when they want to say confident and independent.
"Confident", yet so insecure she cannot stand the thought of losing an argument.
"Independent", yet so dependent on the opinions of other women she is letting them dictate every aspect of her life.
Make it make sense.
@@jokhard8137Seriously, it can't.
@@jokhard8137 they definitely cannot hence the lack of accountability.
This reminds me so much about my latr uncle. He was this big manly man, who was ordering my aunt and their kids around, was expecting a meal the second he came back home from work etc.
But the second he saw my mum, aunt's big sister, he would run with his tail between his legs. Suddenly he knew how to vacuum, do the dishes, change the diapers or do the laundry.
His sons are the same, and it's always fun to order them around :D
One of the more important things I look for in a relationship--romantic or friendship--is someone who will call me out on my bullshit. If my partner is unable or unwilling to tell me when I'm wrong, I'll never grow as a person.
My mom was the most feminine church lady. She seriously talked in that sickly sweet church lady voice when men were around.
She was also intensely controlling of everyone around her including my dad. There's a lot of church ladies cos playing submission while dominating from the bottom.
Same with my grandma. She makes every decision in the household. If it was time to retire yet, if they shared a bedroom, what city they lived in, which exact house they lived in, if they got a dog, if they got a cat, if I could live with them, if my uncle could live with them, and once Grandpa passed she kept making the same types of decisions with my uncle living there. And I know that she went to choir practice just a few hours ago because she's a dedicated church lady. She sits in the front row. She owns one pair of pants, she's wearing skirts pretty much every day, she curls her hair, I've seen her actually reading the bible in her free time. She is the most religious and feminine woman I've ever met. But the household was definitely her household and not my grandpa's.
@nyandoesthings omg yes. People would say "who wears the pants in the family" and I had to have someone explain it to me. In my family the decision maker was dressed like a very modest princess 👸
Seriously . . . If you are afraid of others opinions. It's probably best to go it alone.
The only people saying anyone is afraid are you and the speech professor creating a straw man. What is in this video is a woman saying what should be the least controversial thing of all time: men don’t like to be henpecked and belittled. I’m uncertain as to why that is so triggering.
@@NewnodrogbobI think the crux of this disagreement is in the perception of being belittled, no?
The idea that you're entitled to leadership despite the odds of being less competent in certain fields has led to the idea that attempts to offer expertise come across as belittling as opposed to collaborative.
@Newnodrogbob I agree. Anyone taking a controlling role in a relationship is unhealthy. Regardless of gender.
My, issues is I've heard similar arguments so many times that I feel I can hear the unsaid meaning. "A feminine woman would never share her opinion with a "masculin" man.
I'm not saying I'm right. Just saying that I wouldn't be surprised if that wasn't the subtle message she was implying.
But, being a clip, it could easily be misrepresented, and I could fully be in the wrong.
@@Dragonmoon8526 I completely understand that. Where you (and the speech Prof) are not wrong is that there are plenty of toxic weirdos out there using this kind of language to justify foolish behavior. Her emphasis on using the phrase “strong, masculine men,” definitely puts her in some part of the Ven diagram with those people. Absent more context on this woman in the vid, though, I feel like we should just take her words at face value, and they’re not a big deal.
@@zacharybosley1935 that’s an absolutely valid point that should be worked through between individuals in any relationship. Unreasonable men will call reasonable women controlling unfairly, etc. So you have to evaluate your own experiences on a case by case basis.
Any general discussion, though, has to start from a neutral place. “Men like to be appreciated for their strength and leadership, and aren’t attracted to controlling women,” is only controversial if you assume that the only time a man says a woman is controlling is when he’s a giant fragile baby. That’s not a fair assumption.
For many years I worked in a sign shop. We had many cutting scissors around the shop for regular cutting of our paper-backed vinyl sheets which we fed into our machines to make vinyl lettering. So, we had one set of scissors that had fluorescent pink handles.
So here's the conversation:
A: could you hand me a pair of scissors please?
B: (hands then the scissors with fluorescent pink plastic handles.)
A: no, not those, not the pink ones, those are gay!
B: oh, what would happen if you use them? Would your fragile, potato chips in masculinity shatter? That's okay, I'll take them. I'll put them in my back pocket. I need them to help bring my copious excessive amounts of masculinity down to a normal level. Thank you.
I even have to wear pink frilly underwear to help this drastic condition.
😂😂😂
Lovely. My spouse was carrying his friend's pink Hello Kitty suitcase, and friend's mom tried to embarrass him - a man walking around with a pink suitcase! DH just shrugged in confusion.
LOOOOOOOOL
She is right, but if you flip the genders it’s still true. A man who respects a woman won’t be controlling either.
I'm a fairly masculine man, and I love a strong woman. The men she's talking about are insecure.
"cosplay of masculinity" Oh my goodness! That is the perfect description. This is just a pandora's box of insight.
Yes, very true. Bolstering a manly man is an exhausting full time job.
No one wants that job
She needs to define her idea masculine, because it doesn't sound like mine.
If masculine is defined by a fragile Ego, then I don't want to be masculine
Natural leaders don’t need outside validation and certainly don’t feel threatened by other capable people
Grandma (born in the 1910’s) always considered men very weak and needing constant protection from reality, as she’d been taught by her mother and so on for generations back. I really don’t know how the fragile egos of men who are threatened by women’s strength would cope with knowing women have been quietly indulging their fantasy of dominance for centuries, often partly from affection, but mostly as a form of self defence.
My grandma, also born in the 1910s, was the same way. She worked a "real job" while grandpa "played farm" (of course, she never told him that to his face). Grandpa wanted to be a farmer, so they bought a farm, but apparently the farm never made any money, and they were lucky if they broke even, which is why grandma kept her bookkeeping job in the city. Eventually, he realized it was a bust (took him about 15 years), and they moved to the suburbs, where he got a job at a hardware store, but grandma still kept that bookkeeping job until she retired at 65.
So basically, you're not dating a man. You're raising a giant toddler.
There is a clear distinction between masculine men and real men.
Real truth
The thing I like about all of the "masculine" men is that they fly their red flags proudly so those of us who want a partnership with mutual respect, kindness, and support can stay far away. I feel bad for people who have so little self-worth and have been brainwashed into thinking that you need to accept someone treating you badly to be in a relationship (or they can't even see they are being treated badly).
Her actual comment isn't wrong, it's just completely one-sided: No one wants to be with a partner who is controlling and disrespectful. And it's not just men who lead.
As a response to the world around a woman, I as a woman became controlling. I’m very glad for it now.
Bet you're only controlling your own affairs though, and not trying to control anyone else.
This reminds me of my parent's marriage. My mom bought a house but she wants to protect her husband's fragile ego so she says out loud that he bought the house. 😂
It’s no different than male actors,athletes,etc thanking their wives or partners when they accept an award for their athletic achievements 🤷🏾♂️. Just say you hate men and get some therapy.
I need and have a strong women in my life, I was wild before her, she is my peace and she calls out my bullshit
I feel like noone should find controlling critical people attractive like that's just basic relationship stuff.
I can remember a time when girls were told basically to “dumb down” because apparently that’s feminine.
Girls were told to dumb down to preserve a man's ego
I love myself because I am honest with who I am.
For better or worse, I don't have a facade that I have to keep up constantly. My masculinity isn't fragile. It's forged in the fire of 30 years of suffering, happiness, and self-reflection, all with the goal of being as authentic as possible.
It wasn't an easy road here, but the beautiful result is that I have amazing friends, and I have 0 problem letting go of relationships that aren't good for me.
I wish there was an easy way for every one of those insecure men to also get here, but sadly I think it's a journey nobody else can walk for us.
It is a good thing that I am attracted to wimpy geeky guys who are confident in themselves, and those around them, then.
If I may ask, where do the wimpyness & confidence coexist? I'd always been taught that those were antonyms.
@@zacharybosley1935 I understand wimpyness to be a _physical_ trait, while confidence is a _mental_ trait. They're not mutually exclusive, but it is rare to see them together.
@@kitsunephantom6155 fair enough. My exposure to wimpyness was always a bit more encompassing than just physical weakness. I'd never call pre-serum Captain America wimpy for example
@@zacharybosley1935 That's also fair, tbh.
Duct tape is fairly sturdy, though. You could make some decent stuff out of duct tape.
I think their costumes are held together with safety pins.
I vote for dollar store invisible tape. You can make things happens with safety pins but that stuff only sticks to itself when you're looking for the end, otherwise it's just ribbon with a broken promise of glue.
Thanks. I'll take the quiet, geeky guy that knows an asset when he sees her and values mutual appreciation and safety. Who better at his back?
Does strong willed = controlling? I don't see that IRL. At least she didn't say submissive.
Uhm..isnt she being a bit strong willed and opinionated in this video? Just asking!
maybe she actually doesn't want a masculine man to be attracted to her :D
That's not the same thing as controlling?
So many people in these comments are interpreting 'men don't want to be controlled' with 'men hate strong women.'
Strong and controlling are not synonyms.
@@cmm5542 well, the point probably is that that's what they mean... as if it was the only situation when the word changes meaning depending of context and speaker. Like masculine has the same fate - when used by certain people it's just a euphemism for macho.
Every time I've had conversations like this come up when I was dating whenever I would respond the anger that came out was like flames. Men would say I was too masculine and needed to learn how to be feminine and submit. I would say to them that I had a Daddy who is now at rest. Not looking for a parent. I want a partner. All I got was 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
To be fair I wouldn't be in a relationship with a controlling partner either and I'm a straight woman.
I think to them, a confident and independent woman is "controlling". They don't actually mean controlling
Alasyou would not be with the sort of man she's trying to sell as respectable 😂 as they are controlling
oh no, coming from men, it's leadership.
it's only controlling when it's coming from a women.
that's the whole point of the video.
the hypocrisy of double standards!
Note that "masculine" isn't defined here. The only things that are defined is what the MAN WANTS, and what the WOMAN IS. At no point does she talk about what the MAN Is or what the WOMAN WANTS.
Why is that, do you think?
Also she talks about how being controlling is distasteful, but then describes her ideal man as controlling.
Note that when these videos say "respect", what they really mean is "confirmation" or "validation." Strong people are open to growth and improvement, and they understand that "respect" includes constructive criticism. Weak people hear, **"I know you can be better, so you should stop doing this"** as a threat, not respect for their potential.
I had two girlfriends who thought they were stronk, but they were only controlling and combative. All other girlfriends were relatively nice, some were more strong or less strong but none of them ever put on a front of stronkness. That's because aside from the two, I avoided women who were like that, and the nice ones noticed that about me.
Oooh if i left my fellas in charge, we'd all be homeless 😂
I have no idea what she said. Seemed like she was giving advice and trying to tell me what to do but I don't listen to controlling women. So I just blanked out till The Professor returned.
"Big, strong, masculine" is entirely orthogonal to "trusts, respects, and feels safe with" in modern times. Where you are on the strength scale has no impact on where you are on the trustworthiness scale. The reason people don't feel safe around these hyper-masculine types isn't because the hyper-masculine people aren't strong enough to protect them from outside threats, it's because so many of the hyper-masculine people ARE the threat.
So...she cannot have leadership and strength. K
Last guy I dated kept having issue with: 1. The fact that I didn’t just drop everything and do whatever he told me to do; 2. My having a life outside of him, his children, and his family; 3. My not tolerating any maladaptive behavior on his part. So he broke up with me three times and kept coming back to me on the grounds that I change to become what he wanted. When I refused and said I was tired of being shouted at and being treated poorly, but _was_ ok with being friends while he dated someone else (which he said he wanted), he shouted back “YOU ARE SO CONTROLLING!!” Strangest conversation I ever had, smh, but I’m pretty sure he was trying to use reverse psychology. Call my behavior something bad so I’ll stop doing it. Smh, guess we weren’t “meant to be”… friends or anything else.
am I crazy or am I the only one who would not want to be with a controlling person period? If I'm not allowed to be myself and do what I want then im not dating you.
The contradiction isn't a bug, it's a feature. Sexism is not a coherent ideology, and therefore it needs internal contradictions in order to survive. Because that way, if one part of the ideology is challenged, the contradictory part can rush in to play defense. The core of the ideology - the belief that women are inferior to men - can be protected by throwing out as many contradictory claims as possible because for any given situation, one of them can be useful.
Vikings are the symbol those masculine cosplayers adore. And Vikings wanted their women also strong.
The cosplayers don't.
A masculine man wouldn’t need a woman to be less, just to make them feel confident. It’s
Who are all these strong, confident, controlling women?
I would venture to say that the venn diagram of "confident" people and "controlling" people are almost totally separate circles.
A confident person probably doesn't feel the need to control others because they respect and value themselves with or without you.
A controlling person is usually coming from a place of insecurity, needing constant admiration and companionship. Not very confident based on my understanding of the word.
Men who have to make a display of their strength, lack of emotion, toughness and so on do it in a vain attempt to disguise their psychological weakness and stunted emotional range.
Desirable men don’t have to display anything on the surface because they are confident in their strengths, aware of their weaknesses, and want to be with women who are the same, have similar interests and values, and with whom they experience mutual attraction.
They don’t get angry when a woman says no or doesn’t change to conform to their criteria. They just go about their lives, hoping they’ll meet the right person but not making having a “girlfriend” a priority.
Knowing that he’s self-sufficient is a first step to knowing how to be a partner.
"cosplay of masculinity" This is the best term I've heard yet for the made up stories we've all been fed of what we should be like or be attracted to. Thank you!
My mo taught me to be an independent person because no one would help me. That's mostly been true.
Then somehow my mom gets into weird headspaces where I should let men be rude to me because they're hurting. Idgaf, I don't want people hurting, but they can't put that on me.
You gotta love when a woman assumes how men feel about themselves by looking stereotypes. This is same as alpha podcasts talking women is this women is that
There's a very clear difference between a person who knows what they want and what they need against someone who wants to forcefully dictate other's actions regardless of gender and personal autonomy.
9 times outta 10 the 'Bossy' woman is simply trying to adhere to an established routine and has to forcecully drag a lazy man along like a spoiled bratty child that complains every second of the way and then gets crazy mad because 1) He doesn't get his way and 2) she left him to fend for himself because he's a grown ass man and she ain't his mom.
The only thing I disagree with is her presumption that these preferences are gender-specific. NO ONE (healthy) is going to be attracted to someone who is demanding and critical. EVERYONE wants to feel safe, appreciated, and respected by their partner. This is also foundational for ANY meaningful human relationships, not only romantic ones.
Hahahaha a woman who has positive self esteem, doesn't need to be "picked" in order to recognize her own value, and sets goals for herself (and works toward those goals in a healthy manner) has no interest in trying to control anyone.
Controlling and critical people of both genders are generally speaking no great partners.
There is a huge difference between being strong and knowing what you want on the one side and being controlling and critical on the other side.
Don't mix them up just to have a point.
When people want to controll their life partner that's toxic and the result of unhealed trauma and insecurity.
Being critical comes in varying degrees and you can be too critical and not critical enough. The right amount depends on circumstances and lies between those extremes.
Narcissists are controlling and critical. And are nothing that deserves advertisement like this.
How about we avoid relationships where one partner is trying to "control" the other? While we should be open about our boundaries and what we'd like out of the relationship, this doesn't need to be a form of "control" by either party.
There’s a big difference between being strong versus obnoxious and unfortunately, weak Men don’t get to choose which type they get.
Thank you for the video!
Imagine being this fearful of crap mostly inside your own head. I mean, I have anxiety and I worry about things that aren’t entirely woven out of dark imagination.
“Oooh. Am I manly enough?”
Those are the musings of a child.
Cosplay of masculinity is such a good description of whats going on with some men
“Klingons appreciate strong women”- Worf
What's up with this assumption that all (heterosexual and bi) women want to be with a masculine man (whatever that is)? It seems like we're supposed to think this is a given but it's not!
I fell for my wife because she was strong and stubborn.
Great advice. Perfectly worked for me. Be strong willed and indipendend and you'll weed out all those fragile mommyboys. I found myself a "real" man who wants a strongwilled indipendent partner, because thats exactly what he is.
Her internalized misogyny is pushing this yuck out to a whole new generation....
🤦
I saw a video a little while back with a table of men saying that a women in her late teens/early 20s is more desirable because she is "less likely to be compative and more likely to be respectful". Obviously, we all want our partner to respect us and treat us kindly, but I really think what they wanted was a women that wouldnt challenge them in any healthy way or who would see through their bullshit.
Obviously said by a person who had never MET a teenager or twentysomething. I used to be a secondary school teacher, and if there's one thing teenagers ain't, it's respectful.
Is she advertising men to me? Because...pass? I don't understand why I need this product. All my extra space is for the floofer. Thanks anyway.
My ex was masculine. I trusted, respected, and felt safe with him. The problem isn't masculinity. It's immaturity and fragility. Got nothing to do with abs or being abusive.
Amazing. Thank you!
She seems very controlling, trying to tell men that they shouldn’t let controlling women control them. 🤔
I am not sure if I am getting the argument here.... but no one should be in a relationship were someone is controlling? Both of you should work together willingly and non-manipulative.
Cosplay of masculinity sounds like like an amazing stage Play
Scotch tape, not duct tape. Because you can see right through it, and duct tape would make it far more resilient.
To be fair, people in general are less controlling of those they respect and feel safe with (some after unlearning some trauma behaviors, but that does happen more often in a safe and supportive environment).
Not what she was talking about, but that specific point is still generally true
She’s trying to train women to find a hyper masculine man and make sure HE is ok with her behavior. Why would any woman want that? Why would
that be a goal ?
poor guys will never know that a battle of control at the right time could mean a lot of fun