This Animated Christian Movie is Beyond Bad

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  • čas přidán 10. 05. 2024
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    Outro: Pls Proceed by Baron Grand
  • Komedie

Komentáře • 4,4K

  • @TedNivison
    @TedNivison  Před 2 lety +22625

    For all of you concerned about my eyes being red, it was because I had been wearing contacts all day and I had to switch them out, and that whole process of switching them made my eyes red. I was not high. Drugs are a sin. I've never ever done any weed before and there's actually no evidence you could find online that I have done weed. Sorry!

    • @C4YA_
      @C4YA_ Před 2 lety +974

      💀💀💀

    • @ThatCroewGuy
      @ThatCroewGuy Před 2 lety +3937

      It's clearly because you were crying, because the movie was just THAT beautiful

    • @hailthealgorithm1059
      @hailthealgorithm1059 Před 2 lety +3003

      Thank you Mr.Ted Nivison for clarifying that. No one should ever experience the suggestion of accidentally ingesting a 400 mg edible. That would be sin.

    • @zerocen6930
      @zerocen6930 Před 2 lety +1351

      "the accidental 400mg edible" video on sidebar

    • @danielhackman612
      @danielhackman612 Před 2 lety +215

      Trump tweet

  • @callum8893
    @callum8893 Před 2 lety +6822

    8:50 "Sometimes a no means maybe" is the most predatory thing I've heard all day. Chris for sure ain't right in the head.

    • @AxxLAfriku
      @AxxLAfriku Před 2 lety +16

      SCHOOL! The answer is I don't go! Why go? I am famous. I am famous. I have more fans than fingers multiplied with toes multiplied with teeth multiplied with ears. I am famous. I am famous. SCHOOL? No, thanks. CZcams FAME? Yes. Good day, dear cal

    • @lunarcod7187
      @lunarcod7187 Před 2 lety +163

      @@AxxLAfriku sad

    • @idontwantmyrealnameonhere5955
      @idontwantmyrealnameonhere5955 Před 2 lety +123

      @@AxxLAfriku down horrendous

    • @demonchilde6664
      @demonchilde6664 Před 2 lety +106

      @@AxxLAfriku He's lost himself

    • @oxhens9419
      @oxhens9419 Před 2 lety +149

      Alright, so I spent a good 3 minutes doing the math and have figured it out.
      So we’re multiplying the amount of fingers (10), the amount of toes (10), the amount of teeth (average human has about 32 teeth with wisdom teeth and 28 without, so we’ll do both just for fun), and finally the amount of ears (2).
      So we start off with 10 • 10 which is 100, then we do 100 • 32 (wisdom teeth included) which is 3200 or we could do 100 • 28 (without wisdom teeth) which is 2800, finally we times 3200 (or 2800) by 2 to get 6400 (or 5600).
      Basically this person has more than 6400 (or 5600) fans.
      Signed,
      Someone who had too much time on their hands.

  • @paperedwillows
    @paperedwillows Před 2 lety +11866

    Ah yes, Chris. The most important character in the Old Testament.

    • @theman6422
      @theman6422 Před 2 lety +306

      Chris T. Ian, my favorite character

    • @TenzinBeifongIII
      @TenzinBeifongIII Před 2 lety +39

      @@theman6422 you stole my damn comment, take my like you jerk

    • @beastfitsmagee3769
      @beastfitsmagee3769 Před 2 lety +100

      Jesus Chris our lord and savior 🙏

    • @martyredmemer7678
      @martyredmemer7678 Před 2 lety +92

      @@beastfitsmagee3769 Chris Chan? Oh, I mean Jesus Christine Weston Ricardo Chandler Sonichu of Nazareth

    • @sharky99
      @sharky99 Před 2 lety +28

      Chris!!! My bible man

  • @sasariwtf
    @sasariwtf Před 9 měsíci +900

    The mentality of not doing bad things because they are wrong, but not doing bad things because god will punish you is always what pisses me off the most

    • @spoony8485
      @spoony8485 Před 2 měsíci

      Yea that’s kinda how Christianity works. I mean, all of the 7 deadly sins are sins specifically because you don’t keep god in your best interest when doing them, Not because they are morally wrong. There are even Christian’s who wholeheartedly believe that atheists are inherently rapists and murderers because they don’t have a god to tell them not to do something.

    • @jonasamon9091
      @jonasamon9091 Před měsícem +10

      I agree with the sentiment, but people simply won't do the right thing without consequences.

    • @sasariwtf
      @sasariwtf Před měsícem +60

      @@jonasamon9091 some people*

    • @SomebodywithaYouTubeaccount
      @SomebodywithaYouTubeaccount Před měsícem

      Agreed. That’s an eternal struggle of humanity

    • @cakecwkecake7479
      @cakecwkecake7479 Před měsícem

      thats not really the mentality people have dude

  • @cassandraburns9073
    @cassandraburns9073 Před rokem +1566

    "Thou shalt not kickflip" Was my least favorite rule growing up in Catholic school

  • @pugilism
    @pugilism Před 2 lety +9280

    That lion dad is lucky he's in a Christian film, 'cause I'm pretty sure aggression displays like "baring your teeth at a lioness" just earn you a violent ass-kicking in real lion culture

    • @AxxLAfriku
      @AxxLAfriku Před 2 lety +17

      NO, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME! why should i waste my time at school? i am super famous on youtube. tell me, dear cace

    • @big_sea
      @big_sea Před 2 lety +10

      yes

    • @humormethis9014
      @humormethis9014 Před 2 lety +244

      @@AxxLAfriku wrong number

    • @caitlinistired1050
      @caitlinistired1050 Před 2 lety +50

      ‘lion culture’

    • @manboy4720
      @manboy4720 Před 2 lety +2

      that'd get yo ass WHOOPED

  • @kristinella2428
    @kristinella2428 Před 2 lety +2946

    I choked on my breakfast at "This ghost is a registered sex offender!" and very nearly saw God. At least the movie is effective?

    • @meltwire
      @meltwire Před 2 lety +12

      what does this comment even mean

    • @lunarionx8093
      @lunarionx8093 Před 2 lety +8

      XD

    • @DragonFIames
      @DragonFIames Před 2 lety +10

      lol

    • @shuruff904
      @shuruff904 Před 2 lety +4

      @@meltwire it's not that hard to comprehend....are u European or Asian? Maybe German?..really.....

    • @drivethroughthearttracksla6736
      @drivethroughthearttracksla6736 Před 2 lety +25

      God says game ending yourself is a sin, so all this movie is is a loophole to legally see god after an early death from choking to death. Bravo, very brave

  • @zooh8017
    @zooh8017 Před rokem +2888

    The ghosts interaction with Joshua is like actually dangerous to show to children it normalizes the most suspicious and dangerous things you should be telling kids to avoid

    • @kinashy8863
      @kinashy8863 Před rokem +54

      I totally agree

    • @nickythehickey
      @nickythehickey Před rokem +322

      “sometimes no means maybe”
      -how to create both rapists and rape victims in a single sentence

    • @spacebar_key4207
      @spacebar_key4207 Před 9 měsíci +55

      the pastors gotta do SOMETHING to pass the time okay man give them a break

    • @Napkin05
      @Napkin05 Před 5 měsíci

      ​@@spacebar_key4207🤨

    • @dogf421
      @dogf421 Před 2 měsíci

      a lot of horribly fucked up things are normalized in christian society

  • @paigieodo
    @paigieodo Před rokem +1040

    my 17 year old brother just walked in my room, looked at the screen and said "this guy looks like when shrek turned into a human"

  • @Murkymaid
    @Murkymaid Před 2 lety +6633

    i liked the part in the movie where joshua said "where's the land i was promised" and then he got really angry and set fire to an orphanage

    • @redmist6630
      @redmist6630 Před 2 lety +243

      but the mom has a mane even tho shes a lioness. you know what? thats the least thing wrong with this movie

    • @schlorping5156
      @schlorping5156 Před 2 lety +520

      @@redmist6630 trans rights i guess?

    • @nickk8054
      @nickk8054 Před 2 lety +8

      Time?

    • @redmist6630
      @redmist6630 Před 2 lety +153

      @@schlorping5156 clutch answer w

    • @obamium3020
      @obamium3020 Před 2 lety +33

      Really nailing that Old Testament vibe

  • @M0SS3__
    @M0SS3__ Před 2 lety +2650

    “They killed a baby” Joshua says calmly, showing no emotion.

    • @unironicallygae8614
      @unironicallygae8614 Před 2 lety +40

      Why did this make me think of the "baby in the oven" song- /lh

    • @amberhernandez
      @amberhernandez Před 2 lety +65

      "He appears devoid of emotion, uncaring about the situation or its consequences." - JCS Criminal Psychology

    • @arryyy2113
      @arryyy2113 Před 2 lety +20

      I thought this said "knowing no emotion" which is far far scarier

    • @M0SS3__
      @M0SS3__ Před 2 lety +6

      @@arryyy2113 you’re right holy shit

    • @tofudaturtle271
      @tofudaturtle271 Před 2 lety +7

      "They milled a baby." :L

  • @JPmax4ever
    @JPmax4ever Před rokem +2658

    As a Christian I am ashamed I didn’t grow up with this masterpiece.

  • @ultimateninjaboi
    @ultimateninjaboi Před rokem +239

    I love how this is trying to be a moral lesson for kids, when the moral of the story is "if you arent perfect, you are just as bad as baby murderers, and will be killed."

    • @Berryations
      @Berryations Před 8 měsíci +7

      Yeah without the redemption of Christ this is pretty wild

  • @SAMAHA360
    @SAMAHA360 Před 2 lety +10463

    on schlatt's jenga stream the other day i literally heard ted mention that "moses slaughtered people for worshiping a golden calf" and i was so confused bc it was so out of pocket BUT IT MAKES SENSE NOW LMAOO HE STILL HAD THE MOVIE ON HIS MIND

    • @keonarr2903
      @keonarr2903 Před 2 lety +129

      I mean who doesn’t? 🕺🏻

    • @froodlenoodle
      @froodlenoodle Před 2 lety +240

      ted goes in character and before you know it, you are REPENTING FOR YOUR SINS

    • @themm2271
      @themm2271 Před 2 lety +81

      Ted lore?????

    • @CyanDreams
      @CyanDreams Před 2 lety +59

      I thought it was an incorrect history joke. But no! You’re right!

    • @braydenhopkins3634
      @braydenhopkins3634 Před 2 lety +25

      I didn't know "Schlatt" did a Jenga stream

  • @ashr314
    @ashr314 Před 2 lety +3300

    I'm 90% sure that the reason this looks so bad is that they spent all of their budget on the destruction physics in the last scene.

    • @sambradley9091
      @sambradley9091 Před 2 lety +96

      there is no budget, it was a passion project that took 4 years

    • @suned3128
      @suned3128 Před 2 lety +20

      @@sambradley9091 damn, what a waste

    • @Eking-su3tr
      @Eking-su3tr Před 2 lety +37

      @@sambradley9091 4 yrs? Oof

    • @samuelclark6714
      @samuelclark6714 Před 2 lety +22

      Naw, they spent most of it on weed.

    • @spencykings3182
      @spencykings3182 Před 2 lety +13

      im like four minutes in and i'm... pretty sure the house model is the same as who's your daddy

  • @zapdog_
    @zapdog_ Před 2 měsíci +87

    Chris is 100% not allowed within 1000 feet of a school

  • @Manigeitora
    @Manigeitora Před rokem +213

    2:42 - They may not even be talking about their whole house when they say "den". A lot of people refer to the family room or living room as a den instead. So, instead of a single, small, insignificant change, they may have just made no changes whatsoever.

  • @thenerd5992
    @thenerd5992 Před 2 lety +6131

    I just realized that every character in the film was one of Joshua’s toys on the shelf that Chris the Static Angel decided to peek at.

  • @skylarchungus9249
    @skylarchungus9249 Před 2 lety +4504

    You’ve made it Ted…my grandma now loves your content.

    • @ebbindodds3826
      @ebbindodds3826 Před 2 lety +48

      Wow now that's surprising

    • @19DannyBoy65
      @19DannyBoy65 Před 2 lety +136

      Ted is the GILF master

    • @KingNedya
      @KingNedya Před 2 lety +60

      @@19DannyBoy65 I didn't need to know that that is a thing.

    • @unironicallygae8614
      @unironicallygae8614 Před 2 lety +17

      @@19DannyBoy65 true, he gets all that dry-/j (not gonna finish that sentence)

    • @qaiwiwi
      @qaiwiwi Před 2 lety +4

      @@19DannyBoy65
      Are you serious.

  • @yandenjav9774
    @yandenjav9774 Před 6 měsíci +216

    Throughout the movie, Chris gave such creep and manipulator vibes I was constantly questioning his true intentions.

  • @cyndrift
    @cyndrift Před 4 měsíci +163

    as an ex-christian this was several layers of batshit insane to watch and ngl kinda cathartic. it feels like being half asleep and dissociating with a friend as you talk about your childhood lol

  • @jackofclubs6229
    @jackofclubs6229 Před 2 lety +3345

    “This ghost is a registered sex offender. Everything this guy has said other than a lesson about God has been sus.”
    Ah, so he’s a _priest._ Gotcha.

  • @benrey47
    @benrey47 Před rokem +73

    23:45 it’s the same situation the kids in Narnia went through. They lived their lives and then had to go back to being kids again,,,

  • @blumist4332
    @blumist4332 Před rokem +809

    Can I just say, the demon people were just born like that? And we’re literally just doing their own thing, and then their land just gets taken?
    this reminds me of something but I can’t quite put my finger on it

    • @gloryiusgessepi2381
      @gloryiusgessepi2381 Před rokem +77

      You’re right, wasn’t called something like crusades?

    • @blumist4332
      @blumist4332 Před rokem +131

      @@gloryiusgessepi2381 Yeah, there’s another word I think it was um..Colonisation? I’m not sure, could be wrong

    • @gloryiusgessepi2381
      @gloryiusgessepi2381 Před rokem +52

      @@blumist4332 I thought you were going on about the crusades, but I suppose they’re basically the same thing, just colonisation being the umbrella term.

    • @Idran
      @Idran Před rokem +48

      @@gloryiusgessepi2381 given that the promised land is the future location of Israel I found a third subject in the same general area to compare it to

    • @randriu1221
      @randriu1221 Před rokem +1

      i think there is another comparision, ugh israel taking land from palestine and fucking killing innocent people?

  • @LuzuraHater
    @LuzuraHater Před 2 lety +3344

    ‘Also, who is this tiger character? He is absolutely fucking goated, hes like the John Wick of the bible’
    that will FOREVER be one of my favorite Ted quotes

    • @Shiffyyes
      @Shiffyyes Před 2 lety +97

      I really like “a rating of 4 pogging Moseses, and 1 angry pharoh.” I don’t know the rating system but it won’t stop me from using it all the time. I’m adding ‘stone-faced Joshua’ and ‘goated tiger’.

    • @amberc6403
      @amberc6403 Před 2 lety +18

      I literally was reading this and he said it as i was reading it. Made it twice as funny

    • @erinw.9256
      @erinw.9256 Před rokem +9

      Bruh I love this thread

    • @LuzuraHater
      @LuzuraHater Před rokem +9

      Yo thanks Ted for liking my comment! Love ur content 🫶 love the fact ur still going through old comments :)

  • @Styxin
    @Styxin Před 2 lety +3895

    I feel at 27:14 the reason they apologized so quickly was they felt the aura of a 44 year old with years of combat experience who killed the literal devil in the body of their 7 year old son. I would too

    • @chrono9503
      @chrono9503 Před 2 lety +24

      I don’t have a goo comment here I’m just gonna tell you that you have 600 likes

    • @erinw.9256
      @erinw.9256 Před 2 lety +39

      I mean for real tho

    • @eivinkringen4725
      @eivinkringen4725 Před rokem +54

      They read is power level and said “I ain’t fucking with this”

    • @JellybeansDrawings
      @JellybeansDrawings Před rokem +2

      Lol 😂

    • @exzyyd392
      @exzyyd392 Před rokem +6

      He walked in and they heard his boss fight music start

  • @Mei_Ayanam1
    @Mei_Ayanam1 Před rokem +86

    11:23 really just hit the griddy whilst with Moses.

  • @jimthescrub
    @jimthescrub Před rokem +76

    As a Christian, I can confirm that this scares the living snot out of me.

  • @itsisabel420
    @itsisabel420 Před 2 lety +5356

    The fact that this movie is legitimately just a one-man project made in a guy’s basement and most likely voiced by people he knows is the part that gets me.

    • @nightstar6179
      @nightstar6179 Před 2 lety +308

      That makes it a little less bad to me. To be fair, i probably wouldn't do any better

    • @aydensmith8668
      @aydensmith8668 Před 2 lety +64

      this amazes me and scares me

    • @Irreverent_Radiation
      @Irreverent_Radiation Před rokem +123

      @@nightstar6179 if someone cooks a horrible, shit filled dinner you can say that it's terrible even if you don't know how to cook

    • @Irreverent_Radiation
      @Irreverent_Radiation Před rokem +2

      @@garfaldo6731 "Making a movie? *hits his bong cracks dick* Please, call an ambulance"

    • @cherie..cherry
      @cherie..cherry Před rokem +102

      @@Irreverent_Radiation true. But IMO, it’s still impressive to make a whole movie by yourself whether it is good or not. Cooking requires effort, yes but not as much as producing an entire movie.

  • @mothlesbian
    @mothlesbian Před 2 lety +2220

    Saberspark got his community together to reanimate Joshua and the Promised Land, I highly reccomend watching it!
    Lots of biblically accurate angels 😌

    • @mitchie-baby2161
      @mitchie-baby2161 Před 2 lety +160

      The reanimated version was so amazing, best thing I've watched in 2022 so far, I hope ted sees it as well

    • @leoultimaupgraded9914
      @leoultimaupgraded9914 Před 2 lety +59

      It’s really awesome yea, everyone did fantastic work on that collab

    • @Ramquesting
      @Ramquesting Před 2 lety +34

      NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • @emdo8437
      @emdo8437 Před 2 lety +43

      Biblically "accurate" angels are fucking terrifying

    • @theunepicgamer3066
      @theunepicgamer3066 Před 2 lety +11

      @@emdo8437 by “ ‘accurate’ ” do you mean that the chapter that everyone refers to is high symbolic and not literal.

  • @luv6071
    @luv6071 Před rokem +45

    14:14 this needs to be recreated with good animation cause oh my god that sounds like the most badass entrance to battle ever

    • @Epic11705
      @Epic11705 Před 7 měsíci +3

      14:19
      You can literally see them dive straight at the enemy 😆

    • @pilazpilaz
      @pilazpilaz Před 7 hodinami

      there's a whole reanimated Joshua and the Promised Land on CZcams!

  • @emilyofjane
    @emilyofjane Před 5 měsíci +43

    I feel so sorry for all the Sunday school kids that were involuntarily subjected to this

  • @jaebebifi
    @jaebebifi Před 2 lety +734

    I think the worst part about this movie is the ending. It's literally teaching children
    "If you learn about God, your parents will stop arguing and being abusive"
    What the actual fuck man

    • @barrothontherocks3325
      @barrothontherocks3325 Před 2 lety +46

      would have made more sense if maybe joshua busted in the door and made them say grace or something at the table and that's what magically fixed everything

    • @anstupid4093
      @anstupid4093 Před 2 lety +10

      @@barrothontherocks3325 How tf would that have made more sense

    • @barrothontherocks3325
      @barrothontherocks3325 Před 2 lety +50

      @@anstupid4093 anything makes more sense than him killing the devil and magically fixing a failing marriage somehow

    • @skyebeyea4282
      @skyebeyea4282 Před 2 lety +20

      Instructions unclear, I read the necronomicon /j

    • @ZekromAndYugiAndDrago123
      @ZekromAndYugiAndDrago123 Před 2 lety +48

      I mean that's arguably not even the worst lesson they teach, given that earlier they say "If a strange man appears in your room, and wants you to come with him not knowing where you're going, go with him, no questions asked!"

  • @EngineerInASweatshirt
    @EngineerInASweatshirt Před 2 lety +626

    "We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he broke my dad's arm and dropped me off in the Yukon

    • @theradmadlad7681
      @theradmadlad7681 Před 2 lety +43

      "We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he committed vehicular manslaughter and took us on a high speed police chase

    • @massdysfunkton
      @massdysfunkton Před 2 lety +4

      “We’re gonna go on a little trip” is the last thing Ted said to me before he stole my kneecaps and broke into a NASA facility to send me on a one way trip into the sun

    • @ABucketOfFish
      @ABucketOfFish Před 2 lety +8

      “We’re gonna go on a little trip” is the last thing Ted said before dumping 30 drops of high concentrated acid on my tongue and forcing me to watch Joshua and The Promised Land for 12 hours straight.

    • @Chrokosaur
      @Chrokosaur Před 2 lety +3

      "We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he turned into an athropomorphic walrus and drove my car into the sea.

  • @xandragon.
    @xandragon. Před 2 měsíci +29

    This is probably my most replayed video ever. I don't know why but whenever I feel bad youtube just recommends it again and I can't help watching it. I've been struggling with a bunch of mental health problems recently and I just wanted to say thank you for cheering me up ❤

    • @stephendonovan9084
      @stephendonovan9084 Před 2 měsíci +4

      Hey, sorry I know I'm just an internet stranger who can't really help in a very meaningful way, but I hope that situation improves for you. If there is in fact a way that an internet stranger could help you, like if you just need someone to talk to, I guess feel free to let me know? But otherwise, just offering my condolences

    • @HikariHolic
      @HikariHolic Před 2 měsíci +2

      from one person with mental health conditions to another! i hope things get better for you soon! i also equally love this video and have it on a comfort watch playlist when im not feeling great

  • @crazedaxebutbetter5208
    @crazedaxebutbetter5208 Před 10 měsíci +15

    25:25 and while this is happening there's like the most happy, kirby track sounding song playing as if thousands of people aren't dying in seconds

  • @itzjobi
    @itzjobi Před 2 lety +1884

    This movie was dragged from the deep dark depths of hell to teach us a *biblically accurate* story about a lion with emotionally abusive parents

    • @sari9645
      @sari9645 Před 2 lety +20

      I audibly laughed at this

    • @emmepatr7197
      @emmepatr7197 Před 2 lety +4

      pretty much, yeah

    • @justinmartin4662
      @justinmartin4662 Před 2 lety +4

      Except that’s it’s not biblically accurate.

    • @justinmartin4662
      @justinmartin4662 Před 2 lety +8

      Like most of Christianity, most Christians have cherry picked out all the parts they don’t like.

    • @itzjobi
      @itzjobi Před 2 lety +16

      @@justinmartin4662 No Justin I assure you.. it is biblically accurate.

  • @spaceace4263
    @spaceace4263 Před 2 lety +735

    I'm so glad the only Christian content I was subjected to as a child was veggie tales and the prince of Egypt and not whatever I just witnessed

    • @boohoobibsi
      @boohoobibsi Před 2 lety +41

      for being christian veggietales still slaps

    • @emeraldelm3140
      @emeraldelm3140 Před 2 lety +2

      same

    • @solgerWhyIsThereAnAtItLooksBad
      @solgerWhyIsThereAnAtItLooksBad Před 2 lety +33

      Behold, the only 2 watchable christian anythings

    • @WyvernTheLost
      @WyvernTheLost Před 2 lety +19

      Listen, doesn't matter what you believe, Veggitales was, is, and forever will be the pinnacle of child's tv.

    • @yourviewer7984
      @yourviewer7984 Před 2 lety +4

      @Qwilldred I don’t know if I should thank you for the nostalgia trip, or curse you for getting that song stuck in my head-

  • @JPmax4ever
    @JPmax4ever Před rokem +49

    15:45 I mean if I saw God I would probably would be making the same face.

  • @elmoworld850
    @elmoworld850 Před rokem +19

    I'll give him some credit because as a person who has studied animation, animating a movie all by yourself ain't easy. 3-D animation is even harder due to the UV mapping and texturing. If he had multiple people animating this, I would have judged him.

    • @3mindrebel
      @3mindrebel Před 4 měsíci +1

      There is no excuse for this movie, there are one-person 3D animations studios that have reasonable character design, at least

  • @ayas5050
    @ayas5050 Před 2 lety +2131

    Kinda crazy how right he is when he said:
    "They died for laws they didnt even knew"

    • @Bacon2000.
      @Bacon2000. Před 2 lety

      It was murder and enslavement they should know it's wrong

    • @lunaliciousgeek
      @lunaliciousgeek Před rokem +223

      "that were made L A S T W E E K"

    • @bungiecrimes7247
      @bungiecrimes7247 Před rokem +23

      To me being racist was always said to be a bad thing a second ago. Soooooo... Not my fault I committed a hate crime. 👉👈😌

    • @davycard760
      @davycard760 Před rokem +107

      Congrats, you summarized the Bible in 8 words

    • @jesuschristbutafab9923
      @jesuschristbutafab9923 Před rokem +96

      imagine ur in the afterlife and you find out why you got genocided and its just like:
      "uh...yeahhh so apparently the hot new religion doesn't like when people don't follow their rules soooo....yeahhhh all ur people are kinda basically dead...even the kids!"
      "....WHAT"

  • @Just_The_Krust
    @Just_The_Krust Před 2 lety +3536

    You know, one of the best things about Ted is that even at 1.17 MILLION subscribers, he STILL goes through and likes people's different comments. That's just so cool of him, what a super guy. Ted, you're a real super guy.

    • @TedNivison
      @TedNivison  Před 2 lety +1118

      Thanks! yeah I kinda just check the comments of the new videos throughout the week to see how people liked it!

    • @grimmyboi
      @grimmyboi Před 2 lety +162

      @@TedNivison this video inspired me to watch the full movie and I think my soul is gone now

    • @lemonade1457
      @lemonade1457 Před 2 lety +46

      @@grimmyboi omg you are now one with CRIS

    • @KingZedusPrime2009TyrentKaiju
      @KingZedusPrime2009TyrentKaiju Před 2 lety +32

      @@TedNivison I liked the video, but whats with the part where you started ranting about how much you love to boil dogs? I mean it wasn't in context to the movie, and you just kept talking about how much you love killing and boiling dogs. Not that cool man.

    • @fazeelk7171
      @fazeelk7171 Před 2 lety +9

      @@KingZedusPrime2009TyrentKaiju Yo Ted's Based?!?

  • @katjosephperez8772
    @katjosephperez8772 Před rokem +81

    Joshua says “They killed a baby” too calmly. There’s some tenderness in his voice, but watching a town murder a baby is quite different from war. I wish they had him read the line very choked up. Barely able to get the words out

  • @katjosephperez8772
    @katjosephperez8772 Před rokem +14

    As a child, I would get put in the kids’ daycare/Sunday-school room. The PUPPETS used for EVERYTHING were TERRIFYING. There was a long, tall blue one with that goofy, deep, clown voice that haunt children’s nightmares. I was petrified by that one to the point of sobbing and begging for my parents several times as the ushers were trying to find them in a massive church. The girl tried to reassure me that they were on the way, but I needed them to get me outta that room immediately. That happened each time, so my parents just brought me into the main church. (I cried there bc if you’re trying to sing praises loud enough to reach high heaven, it’s also loud enough to make young ears bleed. I had to stuff paper towel bits into my ears to dampen the sheer volume of an Episcopalian choir.)
    I grew up attending a mega church. The preaching style and judgy parts didn’t sit right with me, so I follow podcast sermons every now and then. I’m probably a Red Letter Christian now because I know they’re are metaphors and ancient cultures that are important context for the Bible. I’m bisexual, and I think that’s just fine based on monks’ interpretations.

  • @huggablebears
    @huggablebears Před 2 lety +1578

    The lion-parent argument unlocked my memories of that facade game. “tinkering with that car again, trip?”
    “its my day off, grace!”

  • @dorbacal
    @dorbacal Před 2 lety +908

    As a secular Jewish person, who knows very little about the Bible (all my knowledge comes from school classes), this is probably the most inaccurate representation of the Moses story that I have ever seen

    • @emdo8437
      @emdo8437 Před 2 lety +151

      As an orthadox Jewish person who's been studying each section of the bible every week for the past six months, this is one of the most inaccurate representations of the Torah I've ever seen

    • @doubleslashkarma
      @doubleslashkarma Před 2 lety +114

      Adding to this, as a Methodist Christian who has taken Catholic religion classes, this is the weirdest depiction of the story of Moses in both Protestant and Catholic Bibles that has ever cursed my eyes.
      It's *vaguely* accurate? About... some things?
      I don't
      What

    • @justayeet5905
      @justayeet5905 Před 2 lety +52

      As a nondenominational Christian who’s been trying to study the Bible. This is very confusing to my brain

    • @dippyfresh8155
      @dippyfresh8155 Před 2 lety +100

      As an atheist, what the hell is happening in this movie

    • @omegaflowey7436
      @omegaflowey7436 Před 2 lety +19

      @@dippyfresh8155 dude, ya dont need to say you're an atheist.
      No one knows.

  • @starlight12267
    @starlight12267 Před 9 měsíci +22

    I want Ted to play a concerning yet comedic villain, it would work so well lol

  • @m.k17
    @m.k17 Před rokem +79

    This honestly looks like it was made in the backrooms.
    Imagine how scary it would be watching this in a dark room without the music.

  • @simonwilcox9830
    @simonwilcox9830 Před 2 lety +728

    I like how Joshua just hit the griddy when chasing a quail like hold up bro im getting sturdy

    • @bingdinggold1877
      @bingdinggold1877 Před 2 lety +108

      That sentence gave me as much whiplash as the entire movie

    • @w0zvo
      @w0zvo Před rokem +10

      Yeah

    • @fukkthisnewupdate8882
      @fukkthisnewupdate8882 Před rokem +14

      I'm still trying to decipher it

    • @SomeCatWithGlasses
      @SomeCatWithGlasses Před rokem +13

      it’s like trying to decipher the rosette stone backwards while drunk

    • @DarlingMissDarling
      @DarlingMissDarling Před 7 měsíci +7

      Lol "hold up bro, I'm gettin sturdy" just made me cackle like a cartoon witch stirring a cauldron 💀

  • @shiekatyt4635
    @shiekatyt4635 Před 2 lety +316

    joshua was actually moses' right hand man so not only did chris put joshua in a random ass person, he put a CHILD in one of the most important roles in the journey

    • @ryanweeks6118
      @ryanweeks6118 Před rokem +16

      To fight in a war. Good thing there’s no gore ig

    • @vsptylore3639
      @vsptylore3639 Před 5 měsíci +15

      And I mean, what about kid Joshua's problems made this story relevant? His parents were going to divorce, what about that was explained or solved by making Joshua fight a war and then starve in a desert for 40 years?

  • @macttyluv
    @macttyluv Před rokem +20

    This is what I think when people refer to things “acid to the eyes” like there’s something so uncanny and difficult to watch ab this…

  • @cappycook
    @cappycook Před rokem +57

    This movie looks like it's going to take a really disturbing turn at any moment

  • @RandomUser11170
    @RandomUser11170 Před 2 lety +1250

    Ted Nivison does not want to show off his sins to the creators of this movie, or he would surely be persecuted.

    • @DooMBucket117
      @DooMBucket117 Před 2 lety +2

      I smell botted likes

    • @RandomUser11170
      @RandomUser11170 Před 2 lety +2

      @@DooMBucket117 If they are botted, I didn't do it, so don't come after me

    • @bananacat3109
      @bananacat3109 Před 2 lety +1

      well then as the bible says, he will be sacred. “blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness”

  • @cgumby
    @cgumby Před 2 lety +894

    Best thing about your channel is that the random ass topics you cover make them really fun to show to new people

  • @JoeyTolenMusic
    @JoeyTolenMusic Před rokem +18

    I never thought that the question "are humans canon?" would be one that I ever have to ask.

  • @C.V317
    @C.V317 Před měsícem +5

    “A sizable portfolio of trauma,” is a great description for the entirety of the Bible

  • @hsimone
    @hsimone Před 2 lety +579

    I remember watching this movie as a child i swear to God. I went to a really weird private school and they showed this movie to us. I vividly remember that after I had the worst nightmare I've ever had- after that night I couldn't sleep alone for a month I am dead serious

    • @tomtomtrent
      @tomtomtrent Před 2 lety +45

      Was your dream a multi-year experience of your namesake? Did some weird predatory bear take you to live the life of the biblical Hannah?

    • @riley_6363
      @riley_6363 Před 2 lety +32

      That's a whole different flavor of religious trauma

    • @acorntea
      @acorntea Před 2 lety +10

      @@riley_6363 lemon flavor

    • @autumnrose2728
      @autumnrose2728 Před 2 lety +16

      Chris found his next child to kidnap and take on a very obviously safe trip

    • @acorntea
      @acorntea Před 2 lety +4

      @@autumnrose2728 little einsteins moment

  • @johnnyshortfor
    @johnnyshortfor Před 2 lety +665

    The happy flute music over the destruction of Jericho was truly a choice someone made. Idk if that choice was made by the actual filmmakers or Ted but either way what a choice

    • @ISimp4FictionalAndEmoMen
      @ISimp4FictionalAndEmoMen Před rokem +24

      I'm pretty damn sure it was the filmmakers choice

    • @michaelangel888
      @michaelangel888 Před rokem +3

      I'm pretty sure that all choices are choices someone's made.... Or do I completely misunderstand the entire concept of choices and how things come to be?

    • @iwtbwiw
      @iwtbwiw Před rokem +5

      yayyy! the absolute fucking demolition of an entire city including children using giant-ass hammers!

    • @JacksonDeeds
      @JacksonDeeds Před 9 měsíci +10

      @@michaelangel888😐 you sound like you kill the vibe of every room you’ve ever walked into.

  • @AVClarke
    @AVClarke Před rokem +17

    I saw another video about a couple of producers of Christian films, and they were speaking at a church about their productions, and they said that their goal first and foremost is to proselytize. Proselytizing is always their primary purpose above all else. Acting, directing, scripts, art design, cinematography, these are all secondary concerns. It really points to why these types of films are so bad. Making a good film is not a priority.

  • @Staticblox
    @Staticblox Před 10 měsíci +8

    I think what makes up the destruction scene is the cheery music that plays while absolute despair and madness is being displayed on the people

  • @FrenkTheJoy
    @FrenkTheJoy Před 2 lety +601

    This is the only movie I've ever seen where I think it would be LESS creepy if the animals were anatomically correct.

    • @monhi64
      @monhi64 Před rokem +13

      To be clear you want them to be red rocketed up and that will make this less weird? Are we sure about this chief lol

    • @MarkFromNextDoor
      @MarkFromNextDoor Před rokem +17

      @@monhi64 what? I'm pretty sure just look like animals in a kid friendly way so you know without red rockets and such

    • @phifuru
      @phifuru Před rokem +9

      @@monhi64 dawg what

  • @thequeenofcringe1585
    @thequeenofcringe1585 Před 2 lety +1717

    Saberspark’s reanimated version of this movie is by far one of the greatest abominations I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s the perfect amount of people genuinely trying their best, people just shitposting, and furries. And the different interpretations of Chris really top it all off.

  • @ahoro4201
    @ahoro4201 Před rokem +235

    I liked the part where joshua said “it’s joshin’ time,” and joshed all over the bad guys

  • @r3mx556
    @r3mx556 Před rokem +17

    18:39 Dear Saberspark viewer, here's what you're looking for

  • @confusedmaggs
    @confusedmaggs Před rokem +1067

    I love how Ted rightfully calls out how slavery is morally wrong, but ignores baby murder.

  • @afoolishmortal5265
    @afoolishmortal5265 Před 2 lety +423

    The idea of a character going through a 40 year long dream as a kid is actually a cool concept for a film.

    • @MrTophatter
      @MrTophatter Před rokem +59

      Isn't that basically what happened In the first Narnia book?

    • @fukkthisnewupdate8882
      @fukkthisnewupdate8882 Před rokem +19

      Isn't that kinda the plot of Junji Ito's The Long Dream?

  • @preciousseong
    @preciousseong Před 2 měsíci +5

    it took me five whole minutes to realize the reason i thought ted looked a little different was the fact that he wasnt wearing glasses

  • @_TheYeaGuy_
    @_TheYeaGuy_ Před rokem +6

    11:24 Bros doing the griddy on the birds 😂

  • @belnry5020
    @belnry5020 Před 2 lety +527

    26:23 the fact he says “I thought I was dreaming!” Truly shows how long he has been experiencing this nightmare for that he has even forgot it was a dream to begin with and the though it was one at some point was nothing more than a distant thought

  • @theshadowdraguin7177
    @theshadowdraguin7177 Před 2 lety +385

    This movie missed the most important part of the parting of the red sea.
    I didn't see a beyblade parting it. How could they forget such an INTEGRAL part of the story!

  • @thisislife7627
    @thisislife7627 Před 6 měsíci +6

    This is the video I come back to whenever I'm sad, it always makes me laugh.

  • @reese6001
    @reese6001 Před 8 měsíci +3

    I can’t get over how when Joshua is chasing the quails it looks like he’s doing the gritty

  • @daxgraham4585
    @daxgraham4585 Před 2 lety +121

    This is the kind of thing you would find on a VHS tape in the basement of an underfunded church as a 4 year old.

    • @daxgraham4585
      @daxgraham4585 Před 2 lety +7

      I swear to god my church had this

    • @FlareStorms
      @FlareStorms Před 2 lety +1

      @@daxgraham4585 did u forget to switch accounts orrrr

    • @daxgraham4585
      @daxgraham4585 Před 2 lety +5

      @@FlareStorms it was just an addition to the comment

    • @FlareStorms
      @FlareStorms Před 2 lety

      @@daxgraham4585 ah

  • @chrono9503
    @chrono9503 Před 2 lety +623

    I love how the reason for the people being bad is that they broke laws they never knew about instead of.. y know…
    *brutally killing a child*

    • @carlywelch4935
      @carlywelch4935 Před rokem +47

      also he says ritual sacrifice is "detestable to god"... have these people read the old testament?

    • @jacobwheeler1348
      @jacobwheeler1348 Před rokem +32

      @@carlywelch4935 Yeah, like, the whole point is that it's a HUMAN sacrifice. God allowed ritual sacrifice of animals, so it's so weird that they didn't explain that crucia; detail

    • @JeremiahMcaninch
      @JeremiahMcaninch Před rokem

      The punishment for the murder of their own citizens, was the murder of all the citizens 😅

    • @bungiecrimes7247
      @bungiecrimes7247 Před rokem +15

      @@jacobwheeler1348 they are animals.

    • @thatoneguy2816
      @thatoneguy2816 Před rokem +1

      @@bungiecrimes7247 and it's just a child 🤷‍♂️

  • @bigangenbygang
    @bigangenbygang Před 2 měsíci +5

    Adapting Exodus for a child's movie is insane. Literally a story about escaped slaves committing a genocide to establish a theocratic ethnostate.

  • @acecxke
    @acecxke Před rokem +29

    Ted explained the Bible better than the movie did lol

  • @weewoo6480
    @weewoo6480 Před 2 lety +210

    The parents were simply scared of the warrior and the monster Joshua had become. War changes a man and they could see it in his face

  • @wyldonkey2064
    @wyldonkey2064 Před 2 lety +130

    Just checked my Bible and I can confirm that Joshua did say “LETS GET THESE GUYS”

  • @GlitchEcho
    @GlitchEcho Před rokem +12

    12:51 - Are they monkeys? I think they're monkeys

  • @legalmoider
    @legalmoider Před rokem +12

    7:30... Are the Egyptians on computers? 😭

  • @rainydayaudio
    @rainydayaudio Před 2 lety +890

    As a Christian, this is one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I’ve ever seen

    • @commie_dog_boy
      @commie_dog_boy Před 2 lety +86

      as a pagan, this is also one of the funniest interpretations of the bible Ive ever seen

    • @Unjustly_Confident
      @Unjustly_Confident Před 2 lety +87

      As an atheist, this is also also one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I’ve ever seen

    • @thatguy3903
      @thatguy3903 Před 2 lety +62

      As an agnostic, this is also one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I've ever seen

    • @Terra654
      @Terra654 Před 2 lety +73

      As just some guy, this is also also also one of the funniest interpretations of the bible I've ever seen.

    • @ditistristan815
      @ditistristan815 Před 2 lety +125

      As an Alcoholic I need help

  • @pooticorn6470
    @pooticorn6470 Před 2 lety +192

    the emotional trauma in ted's eyes is palpable

  • @emeraldemperor2601
    @emeraldemperor2601 Před rokem +3

    "pink pig rat nymph fairy that wears a bow tie" killed me

  • @3mindrebel
    @3mindrebel Před 4 měsíci +6

    11:51 "Just one small problem: TO WHO BEN? FUCKING AQUAMAN??"

  • @rilesatwork
    @rilesatwork Před 2 lety +530

    Fun fact: It's been proven that this movie will give you nightmares. There have been reports of many strong, brave, adult people who watched this movie one day and could not sleep without a night light ever since. One man watched this movie, and he had died shortly after. He looked at his girlfriend and said "Oh my god it's real. The world from the Joshua movie is real. They're coming for me." before dying on his death bed

    • @autumnrose2728
      @autumnrose2728 Před 2 lety +15

      Welp, I was gonna give this movie a full watch for giggles. Nvm now-

    • @rilesatwork
      @rilesatwork Před 2 lety +2

      @@autumnrose2728 lmao

    • @SLDM_WAZ
      @SLDM_WAZ Před 2 lety +10

      fr? or is this a source - Bro trust me , type comment ?

    • @rilesatwork
      @rilesatwork Před 2 lety +2

      @@SLDM_WAZ I found it on IMDb so… um… maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t? Idk

    • @pigeonatic
      @pigeonatic Před rokem

      @@SLDM_WAZ bro maybe the internet isn't for you

  • @thatoneduderighthere6872
    @thatoneduderighthere6872 Před 2 lety +179

    I like how the first reaction to him being hated by his parents is to toss him into a dangerous part of a biblical tale

  • @TastyCox
    @TastyCox Před měsícem +1

    I love your movie reviews! You should do video games too! Xoxo

  • @felflamel5196
    @felflamel5196 Před rokem +6

    ya know Ted, its been 9 months since you posted this. And too this day, I still watch this to try to wrap my mind around the absolute fever dream that this movie is...

  • @NotEpimethean
    @NotEpimethean Před 2 lety +79

    "let's go on a little trip"
    *proceeds to place him in biblical times for 40 years*

  • @cosm1c_moonl1ght15
    @cosm1c_moonl1ght15 Před 2 lety +161

    "Because children fear the unknown..and I have NO IDEA what that thing is." This made me laugh

  • @Lyddy-Draws
    @Lyddy-Draws Před 4 měsíci +7

    15:50
    Bold statement from someone who currently has red eyes

  • @sadspacebean5004
    @sadspacebean5004 Před 2 měsíci +2

    4:36 I think maybe what was trying to be conveyed here is that all the toys look like the other characters in the movie, so maybe Chris was taking inspiration from the toys to make the characters something familiar to Joshua? Idk

  • @KFCGAMING55
    @KFCGAMING55 Před 2 lety +498

    This felt like watching a VHS tape I found in the basement of an abandoned house, thanks Ted very cool

  • @cypressfinch3480
    @cypressfinch3480 Před 2 lety +326

    I love how disheveled Ted looks in this one. Truly this movie has taken it's toll.

  • @emila9899
    @emila9899 Před rokem +1

    Thank you for a good laugh, I really needed it haha

  • @Dexobite
    @Dexobite Před rokem +1

    Man, I was binging a bunch of these bad animated movie videos from Ted after getting like no sleep, and it seriously felt like a fever dream.

  • @Uni_op
    @Uni_op Před 2 lety +706

    “He’s like the John Wick of the Bible”
    - Ted Nivison, 2022

    • @Uni_op
      @Uni_op Před 2 lety +16

      Time stamp for anyone who wants it - 15:08

    • @Reviwitha6
      @Reviwitha6 Před rokem +7

      Tiger guy is built different

  • @mushr0oms_and_m0ss42
    @mushr0oms_and_m0ss42 Před rokem +1

    Decided to watch this with my sister a bit ago. My soul has left my body and I can never recover, but this was also the best thing I've ever watched. Ever.

  • @topopurrito5397
    @topopurrito5397 Před rokem +10

    At 16:29 when he says “I didn’t realize the Old Testament was this on the noise” I chuckled because it is anything BUT on the nose of you go to a Jewish day school like I do! I have at least 2 classes where we talk about this, currently I have one talking about how when we were instructed not to steal it’s actually saying don’t kidnap people and the way we know this is based on how we are punished, and in the other class we are talking about the timeline in the desert because of Korachs rebellion and that whole thing is a mess! There are tons of opinions and wacky language! The Torah is not simple my dude! Sorry I just really needed to vent about that.

    • @MaximusChivus
      @MaximusChivus Před rokem +1

      But that's the original Hebrew, it can seem pretty on the nose in the English since a lot of Christians are English speaking and don't know any Hebrew and assume there can't possibly be any mistranslations or anything

    • @topopurrito5397
      @topopurrito5397 Před rokem

      @@MaximusChivus thank you for bringing this to my attention! I always forget that even though I suck at reading Hebrew some people don’t even know what the letters mean! I was mostly just venting but that is a great point!

  • @hastypastry6353
    @hastypastry6353 Před 2 lety +282

    I love that when the battle scene started Ted entirely stopped talking about how bad the movie is and just started talking about how cool he thought the battle scene was.

    • @nicupetricas9718
      @nicupetricas9718 Před rokem +9

      It's because it's a cool battle scene. You seen the bible? It's got some really cool battles, Ted would agree