Can Men and Women REALLY Be JUST Friends??
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- čas přidán 1. 06. 2024
- The OTGW gang discuss the (new) age old debate of whether or not men and women can REALLY be friends.
Believe it or not, there's actually been a scientific study done: goo.gl/xt2ZE
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Generally speaking he is correct and accurate from a broad perspective. There are exceptions to every rule.
***** There's plenty wrong with you. I figured you could some honesty. Now you can take your CZcams cancer comments to another channel. Thx
I completely agree with Alex F. He is so dead on about this subject.
Thank god there are a few exceptional men i.e. civilized men not neanderthals.
I'm really speechless, also kinda disgusted that 95% of men are incapable of seeing women in a friendly sense only. It makes me also feel kinda great, feel special that I'm part of the very very little amount of people who are the exceptions
I feel like so many of my questions have been answered. But for all you girl commenters, it's not that your guy friend has feelings for you, he's attracted to you. Whether it's physical or emotional or a mix of both can be debated but ultimately, attraction and feelings are not the same.
I quite like the fact hes saying all of this casually in front of two girls ahahaa
I think that men and women can be friends if they start thinking of each other as "family". Like sister and brother kind of relationship. And family members never date with each other.
Unless you're into incest
Eddie Wu First of all, you should probably keep that info to yourself unless you don't want a social life anymore. And second, how old was your little sister when you say you were attracted to her before college?
Condoriaano lmao your saying to keep the info to ur ur self while your asking for the age 😂
BLACKRED PINKVELVET well since he was so open to revealing his attraction to his sister, I thought it would be fine to ask how old was his little sister when he started liking her. But I guess he wouldn't reveal it anymore since I told him to keep it to himself haha.
I was just curious if there was something more than incest. Like maybe him liking little girls?
Condoriaano There is a biological reason why siblings naturally aren't sexually attracted to each other and for that to occur siblings have to live together for many years. Turns out that the scent or pheromones of family members subconsciously repulse each other. Nature did it to prevent incest.
I think having girls that are friends is just like a tiny attraction that isn't big enough to act on but is nice to have.
i dont believe in men and woman being freinds. some one will always be disappointed.
I know this is an old comment, but it doesn't matter if you "believe" in it or not, you just need an example to prove. And there's lots of examples, including me.
*I think he speaks the truth!* Men always have a smallllll bit of attraction.
It doesn't matter because the woman chooses.
A woman doesn't care how much a man is attracted to her; she cares how much SHE is attracted to HIM.
In my opinion women have it too. ;)
If a guy isn't attracted, he's off chasing women he is attracted to and not wasting time with the girl he's not interested in. Sad fact and the same with women who aren't using guys for perks.
@@celticgibson i personally think it's possible because i friends with 3 girls and i never once was attracted to them now obviously there are girls im attracted to but the the 3 i mentioned never once was into them
@@JariSatta that's true for men too
Dan is damn war hero! Dude sneaks behind enemy lines, infiltrates their ranks, earns their trust. Enemy Commander Felicia never suspected a thing until it was to late.
Dan is spot on. I believe that friendship between a man and woman developing into romance is how it SHOULD be done, but it's not realistic to expect it to happen. I know because it's not happening to me right now.
Ever since getting married, I don't have any close female friends and my wife doesn't have any close male friends. We have other married couples we are friends with, but it would be really bizarre and unusual, for instance, for me to be hanging out with the wife of one of our married couple friends just one on one. (And vice versa.) At least that has been our experience and we've been happily married for over 10 years!
David Chang thankyou!! Faith in marriages restored!!
Essentially a spot-on video on the psyche of both sexes. Dan also gave a good overview of the historical background leading up to this. There are unicorns, though extremely rare.
it was actually eye-opening about men's point of view
And this is ALL men except the kind that are hiding it from you and as a result are untrustworthy. Trust guys who are honest about this.
@@celticgibson don't automatically assume that, they could be gay
If in MY eyes she's not attractive attitude personality or physically...shes in the friend zone. I have no interest
That Anarctica and Mexico analogy was hilarious 😂 Dan pretty much nailed the difference between how men and women approach relationships.
Today I am celebrating the one-year anniversary of the day I "broke up with my best friend" of 20 years. I found it hilarious that you guys mentioned 20-years in your video, because that was me. Yes, it exists!! I was the one so completely attracted to my best friend, but he never felt that way about me. I held onto the friendship in hopes that one day he'd get that proverbial lightning bolt and see that I was the perfect woman for him ... but it never came. Eventually, I had to do the hardest thing I've ever done and tell him goodbye. I still think about him all the time, and it's still very painful, but my self-respect was rapidly declining and I had to set my boundaries. Haven't seen or heard from him in a year now, and that's the longest we've ever gone without contact. Would I ever do it again? Attempt a platonic friendship with a guy? Probably not. Once bitten, twice shy.
Very interesting and honest comment. So basically you felt the effects of being friendzoned from a male's perspective! Kudos to you for doing what was best for you and your peace!
It wasn't a real friendship then. You used the 'friendship' as a way of trying to get with him. That's not a friendship.
I think if a guy doesn't want to befriend a girl unless he's attracted to her physically, it's because he's not confident enough within himself -- he feels he will be judged by other guys (and maybe girls too) as a failure if he's with a girl that's not particularly attractive. Some girls have the same issue, but many girls don't mind being seen with a less attractive guy because women tend to be nurturing.
Cynthia Balfour-Traill more like women like being the attractive one to feed their vanity.
Dan is spot on! Guys may not seek out the friendship for future possibilities, but it just so happens that you become friends because there is some sort of attraction, even if it's just a very minimal bit of attraction. Oh and thanks for starring us at 5:54! Lol we were surprised that the random names you used happen to be ours! Lol
I have alot of platonic relationships with the opposite sex. Nothing wrong with that...however, i noticed men often think of serious relationship than I'd like. When I begin to sense this, I turn ignorant to dissuade it.
@@user-di2on5gl2d lol you need a
Husband so you can move on because almost every guy or woman does this or have done this.
I've been close friends with a woman for 16 years and not once ever tried to date her or get intimate with her. I like her as a close friend, nothing more. I'm also close friends with my ex, despite not having any romantic interest for her any longer.
Osley Sallent so basically man also has unicorn right?
Would you categorize either of the two women as being unattractive? If you did find them physically unattractive would it change your enthusiasm to hang out?
IllumiNada I'm definitely not physically attracted to either one. I'd say one of them is attractive, and the other average, but it doesn't matter, they know me well and I know them well, and share a lot of history with me as friends. That's all that matters. Frankly, I have another woman in my life now who I'm very happy with, so my two female friends will remain just friends as far as I'm concerned, and I wouldn't want to change that.
Okay. But I'm not saying you have to be pursuing sex(and I applaud you for being faithful in your new relationship.) I'm only saying that either you're a unicorn, you do find the two women at least "do-able", or you're not allowing yourself to fully consider that you're just a dude and attractiveness matters.
I hear you Markigirl, and I agree. But you must also agree that if attractiveness, money, status, prestige, etc. have nothing to do with your allure to a partner or enticement toward friendship, then you are in that "decent person" unicorn minority.
I think a man and woman can be friends but there will always be a moment in time that the man or the woman will be attracted to the other. Either it is fleeting or the person won't want to ruin the relationship because he or she knows that the other person would not be interested or the person is afraid if it goes further and things go south they can't be friends again.
He's right "if I friendzone a girl I'm never gonna hang out with her" every guy thinks like that
Hamza Khairi yepppp same here
Very true. Women expect us to forget our animal instincts. And be soft as flowers. If that was it no babies would be born
@@Stephen-lt1tp you dont have to mingle romance into this, you can be just friends without any sexual attraction
Plus no one needs a baby
Carleeto meepo I guess you missed the whole point of the video. Are speaking from a mans point of view or a women’s? And most men don’t want babies they want to have meaningless sex.... according to you millions of years of male and female evolution is out the window
@@Stephen-lt1tp I dont think ever man out there is going to be after sex, my point is that as long as there is no sexual attraction which there mostly isn't, then a friendship is okay
Dan is correct.
Nathaniel Mills yh
THANK YOU for convering this! WF kind of addressed this dieing a lunch break once too... I learned so much!
I love your talking videos!! you always make simple topics interesting :-)
Great videos always entertaining and informative. pleasure to watch your videos. keep up the good work guys
Totally agree with Dan, such an interesting discussion!
One of the reason my past relationship ended, was because I was mad about him texting a girl almost everyday, if not everyday, they just have really long conversations. I talked to him about it, but the problem was never solved. He doubted about the relationship because he thought that I was saying he cannot have any female friends. I thought I was a little being too jealous before so I didn't say anything until I saw him changing the girl's name on the phone to a cute nickname. That totally crossed the line imo. Also, they always text in paragraphs, just reminded me of how we started. And the thing that bugged me the most, was that I saw sparkles in his eyes when he saw her. He has other female friends that I don't mind him hanging out with, but he was just denying the fact that he was obviously attracted to that girl and being mad at me saying I'm overreacting. Also, IMO, if you are truly friends with that person, you will know you shouldn't text them or ask to hang out that often when they are in a relationship.
Exactly 💯..I'm having the same problems now with my partner and his female friend
Congratz, I really liked this talk and the topic!
Been a subbie for a while and I swear you guys must have read my mind! I NEEDED this segment bad. Glad you guys spell it out for me! Salam untuk Mia, so happy to see an Indonesian fellow here!
Brilliant video. The guy represented us well... pure truth in the freeked up way we/I work!
hey Dan ,Mia I love this channel watch it all the time I love the discussion topics you do
Very insightful! Thank you, Dan for peeling back the reasons why a guy is friends with a girl, and explaining (and confirming my suspicions) of why he just doesn’t actively pursue to get himself out of the friend-zone.
And I love your example of 20 years before a guy might make a move.... (speaking from experience - it’s been 17 years!! But things are still unclear as to which direction this “relationship” (or whatever it is) is headed. 😕🤔 Hopefully it’ll all be cleared up soon, in a good way.
I really appreciate your honesty 😃 so true. At last someone said the truth
Bloody summed it up perfectly Dan!
This video makes so much sense. thank you!
yey!!! finally a new vlog... with Fel and Mia together❤
I discovered this difference of thinking when I talked to my brother about one of my friends putting him in the friend zone. It took me 2 hours to get him to understand the concept of the friend zone cause he didn't think of a girl who is a friend as not a potential gf but girls won't think of it as a potential if your in the friend zone.
So true about when guys friend zone a girl. Upon reflection I've done this a few times.
Yes indeed
I think you're correct on one level that it's hard for guys and girls to be friends. I've experienced it myself when I've tried to be friends with guys in the past but it back fired as they got attracted.... Even today after being married, other guys still find me attractive. So I guess it's about male and female's psychological thinking and how the perceive a relation.
wow I really loved this talk
Friend zone, regardless to guys or girls, is just a zone to escape. Attraction is always a primary ingredient to start a relationship. You can call the chemistry. If someone is attractive to you and you zone him or her, that's just a plain denial to yourself.
Dan made pretty fair analysis about friend zone. You just can't friend zone someone who's attractive to you.
Moon Cake yh
I take it as "yes".
Loved this discussion! :)
this is actually delightfully insightful
I love your videos. Love you guys!!!
This is such a good video thank you! Good solid information and not just talking at each other. A problem that I’m not sure I heard discussed was when as a woman you are very attracted to your guy friend but sometimes a platonic relationship is just more valuable to you at that time so you sort of selfishly keep them there. Especially smart, funny, thoughtful guys like Dan who is totally cute but I can see him being friend zoned selfishly because the woman may not want a relationship with anyone right now but still wants to keep him in her life. Meaning just because a guy is friend zoned doesn’t mean they aren’t attractive to their female friend in which case he probably needs to do something to break free of the friend zone. Also, thank you, this helped me realize how selfish it is to do this 😅
Dan pretty much nails it here, good job man
This is an interesting topic. It would be great if OTGW done a video talking about the differences between first love and mature love.
Dan is great! Loving how accurate he tries to open their eyes!
Yes guys can be friends with girls but that is an "Initial attraction" a.k.a first impression which is usual in guy:girl friendship.
The "potential attraction" only starts when the guy friend gets isolated with the girl. the more you two spend time together alone, thats where things start to develop. Intimacy is the catalyst of falling for the other person more.
This is true
Dan's surprisingly thoughtful, and on point!
guys aren't always lying when they say that they used to like you, but not anymore. I have a friend she's fun to be around but she has some traits that I'm not attracted to, and that makes her a no-go. I saw those later in the "friendship"
Great topic guys!👍 👍. Here's another topic you guys might want to talk about as well. 1) If you have been friend zone, what have you guys done to get out of it? 2) Have you ever changed your mind on someone you have friend zoned and start considering him/her a potential? I believe this will be great topics of discussion.
Hahahahah Dan just expossssssed every guy but definitely helpful!
Here is a tip: Best way to get foreign friends is to learn their language and participate in all kinds of exchange student meetings. They will be amazed and immediately your friend if you can speak their language very well. So through language learning you can easily have friends opposite sex. (I have tried this using my Japanese and Chinese)
Perfect Discussion! Diversified, Rational, and Deep Arguments. I thoroughly enjoyed the video. I particularly loved the Unicorn concept. Totally true! :)
omg i died at “unicorn” lmfao😂😂😂. He does speak truth though lol Guys that friend zone females most likely won’t hang out with them.
I think this depends a lot on age. When I was younger, I was much more like Dan described. Now, I value companionship more than anything else. It is great to be able to just relax and enjoy a woman's company without being pressured to make the relationship sexual.
Think it depends on the country too 🤔 when I visited France for a while, I saw a LOT of guy-girl friendships and significant others didn’t seem to really mind, especially if the SOs knew the guys/girls they were hanging out with
My heart is so happy right now...
I love your channel!!!👍👍
can one guy really speak for all men? not really... coming up: all of dan's female friends are suddenly unavailable to hang out. as far as the study, as you said, it was a small sample, plus we know nothing about what cultural groups, ages, etc.. were represented, so that is not reliable information.
mad dusa however theyr looking at all the opinions online but this is the general view
mad dusa 'all Dan's female friends are suddenly unavailable' lol
mad dusa
Yes, generally we call them representatives.
Their interpretation may not be the conclusive definition for all. However gives you a very good sense of what's applicable to most people in most situations.
As long as there's no sexual tension, you can have friends of the opposite gender!
The problem is that usually it is attraction that brings two together in the first place. Men in particular do not go out of their way to make friends with a woman unless there's something that attracts them.
@@celticgibson I'm friends with a girl for the same reason I'm friends with all my guy friends.
Coolfred because you’re normal lol
No sexual atraction of different genders? only if one is gay
oh my gosh I love you guys!
great talk! 🎶
i'm just here to say that felcia's the best
tiny but you have very big eyes... ;)
Mia is a true Asian girl, tough on the outside but heart of gold!
This is a much better discussion than most I have seen on this topic. So often it is portrayed as they can't be just friends because the guy always wants more but that's not really true at least not for me. What is more accurate is that the guy will be open for the possibility of more, if it doesn't happen, OK, but there is always potential. There are times where a woman can be "just one of the guys" but that's s usually as part of a larger group and so more has to do with the collective nature of the group than her as an individual I think .
It's.....really very true.
What a great topic! And you've handled it SO WELL! He states that it's impossible, except for unicorns, and ...he's right. I would just phrase it a little differently, to make it clear: If you have a man's body, you will always be aware of the sex of your friend. You will always imagine (if you're single) sex with your friend. (Maybe married too.) it's the man's body that causes this "problem." My man's body removes all doubt here: I will always return to the position of wanting sex with a woman, regardless of anything else.
This is the realest video everrrr....so true
Funny & facinating!
That was great!
Love it!
This video change my life forever. Not in a good way. Hey Mia we are together.
dan with the real talk
love you guys and your videos :) this was pretty a pretty sweet-o video 👌
As a guy I can somewhat agree... I have a lot of hot friends and some I have had for 15 years and never made any type of attempt despite times where they have made some attempts at sex with me. I could see them as long term partners and have no jealousy when they are in a relationship I just am ok with whatever way the wind blows.. a value exists for having attractive friends.. they usually have attractive friends and you learn a lot about women who are popular or attractive along the way.
So basically, Dan's saying that all my guy friends have feelings for me,
. Which means more than half my friends have feelings for me WTF
carmen leong He's saying that a guy will never friendzone you, as in he might not like you but he could if given the opportunity
i duno that it means that they are like obsessed with u or stay up late at night staring at a pic of u outlining the shape of ur lips with their finger. its more like they'll be normal friends with u but if one day u came onto one of them they'd easily go with it and get with u no problem.
carmen leong,
Short answer from a guy: If you're a woman I will ALWAYS try and get you in bed. If you can live with that we can be friends👍
Yep I try to tell my daughter that but she won't believe me. I am not trying to scare her off of having guy friends but it is just something present that can't be helped.
and even then for some guys its not that they will TRY to get their female friends in bed. more like they're biding their time and if the girl happens to let things go in that direction, the guy will help it continue there. where as a girl in most cases would be like "oh no your my friend".
I love y'all so much... Dan, Felicia and Mia... Why don't you guys do a meet up? Please please please.
Damn I totally agree with Dan. But it's kinda hard to talk about these things clearly at times. Good explanations man !
Dan: I’m not your friend, I’m friendly with you. 😂 Love it! 1000% true! 🙌🏽
I guess I never really thought about it before, but Dan's description is pretty accurate
I have tried to have this conversation, like Dan, with so many of my friends who are girls!! Dan is RIGHT. Guys can be friends with girls, but they DO find you attractive and would be intimate if the opportunity came up.
Awesome Peep
I used to always have close guy friends and it always ended up awkward between us or, everyone else just made a big deal about it. It's just stressful. I think the best way to go about these friendships is hanging out in a big group.
Depend on the Situation
Did the Chinese sage Confusion write this script lol Strange basis for a religion ? Loving the clips
Be honest with each other. Make your expectations clear from the start, and these "unspoken" feelings and rules wont be as much of an issue. As a guy, let a girl know right away that youre looking for a potential partner, but its also on you to move on if she says no. For girls, its on you to not lead guys on. Dont start hanging out with a guy, if you have no intention of being anything more than acquaintance/friends.
I think time plays a huge role in this. I've developed a friendship with my ex-wife. Like a genuine friendship. It's like we did the relationship thing and moved past it to friendship. Ten years is a long time, love can change into a more family like relationship. Agree, disagree?
As far as i'm concerned, i can only be just friends with a girl which i've... well... friend-zoned.
a girl i meet will eventually end up in 1 of these 3 categories :
- girls i'm attracted to : while i will be "friendly" (as Dan said) with them and might hang around sometimes, i won't ever consider them as just friends as i do see them as potential future girlfriends. ie i cannot truely talk with them or behave around them as i would with my actual friends.
- girls i'm totally not attracted to : the moment i realize there's something i absolutely cannot bear about a girl, i won't even consider being friends with her, not will i even care of having them in my life in whatever possible way.
- girls i friendzone : pretty much the same as if i had a male friend in a female body : i do not care if she farts every 10mn after she had a beer or if she's wearing a sexy dress, she's someone i have fun talking with or having around. while she may (and often) look attractive to others, i personally do not feel romantically attracted to her one bit.
for myself (male) I'm over the boy girl issue in friendship. once you know what you want and stop focusing on desire, it's very easy to become friends. When I befriended a pretty girl, some of them become confused when they feel I don't want to take it anywhere. almost like, "why not? what's wrong with me?".
Though I will admit that both my male and female friends are attractive I think. I don't like the feeling of being around things that give me that unattractive feeling. If I feel it's happening on her side though, I give her a hint to shut it down.
I love this
I have a problem that I can’t figure out me and this guy been chillin it’s amazing BUT we are in early recovery so I just been cooling it cuz the rules are you shouldn’t date in first part of recovery but I hope I don’t loose that chance tho I think we be great together!!
man u nailed it~
Why not? We've been very good friends for 20 years and we're both married (not to each other). And we did not hesitate to say to each other that we missed one another. My wife knows her, too, and was a bit jealous of our friendship in the beginning.
The thing is.. when one consider someone attractive and one think like 'yeah, I could be with this person uder certain conditions because he/she is physically aesthetic for me or 'have that factor' in them', why they can't be friends and nothing more? People tend to spend time in place that they like how it looks or one that make them feel good and safe. Why can't they spend time with someone that looks good to them, makes them feel good and safe? Without romantic and/or sexual involvement?
They talk, they are honest, they like to hang out and they don't act upon their attraction.
Plus I think that woman also is more likely to be friends with man that she could possibly be with. Some women prefer to be friends with potential material for boyfriend instead of someone they are completely not attracted to. Who could with time develop feelings for this girl and she knows that when it happens, she will have to break his heart and loose good friend.
What if from thinking 'friends forever' we change 'forever' for 'for now'? It can change a lot. I think man and woman can be just friends till the moment one of them develops feelings for another and acts upon it. So the man-woman friendship has a time stamp.
Unicorn has one too. It expires in the moment when he becomes so desperate to have anyone that he will start to search in the closest area to him. If he stays unicorn, it's one who doesn't act upon his feelings cause he is too shy and haven't yet pas the point of desperation after which he won't care anymore if he ruins the relation totally. Or she has boyfriend and he is so moral, that he would wait till she is free, which can never happen. That's a possibility. Of course he can also reach the point when it stops to matter. It's always easier to fall for someone well known than keep searching somewhere else. Right?
I talked to my current boyfriend before we became a couple for 2 years. I don't know if I would be doing that if he wasn't attractive in my opinion. But than again... I could possibly have a friend who I'm not attracted to. And him I could call temporary unicorn ;)
All my relationships have been with my best friends and I believe that you should be friends first because your partner should be your best friend
I agree with Dan. Guys need to be able to show his guy friends of the girl he's hanging out with, and having an unattractive girl as his BFF would totally tank his rep with his guy friends. Besides it's fun for a guy to think he's got even a remotest of chance of be with that girl. It's like Jim Carrey's character in Dumb and Dumber: "You mean I have a chance?"
That's a problem, you(and everyone else) needs to stop worrying about what others think, it doesn't matter what they think about you, you'll all end up dead eventually and then no one will care.
Easier said than done.
Not really, it's quite easy...probably helps how you are raised too.
it'll change when you graduate.
Just so you know, us girls can smell a douche who's only trying to get with us immediately. Stop being a jerk and actual be a person offering friendship to another goddam person.
Answer before it starts, yes you can. My best friend is a girl, and we are just friends. I have many female friends. Even if I have had crushes on some girls that aren't in my inner circle, I let it go.
Honestly, as a guy, some of my best friends were girls who I was specifically not attracted to. Like, for me, it seems hard to be friends with a girl who I am attracted to because the fact I'll always want to be more than friends will dilute any actual friendship.
Most of the girls who I'm friends with are people I'm not attracted to because of this.
However, I must say this has been my experience over the last several years where I haven't been considering getting into a relationship.
I've noticed more recently, having started to feel a stronger affinity towards having a relationship, I've begun to lean slightly more towards what Dan is saying here.
Although it's not always the case for every guy, at all times, there is definitely truth what he says.
Yes, men and women absolutely can be friends.
LordVader1094 it is more like yin yang becuz theres man and theres woman
LordVader1094 and if collapsed then it is not yin yang anymore
Dan is so right on in this video. Hahaha!
never been this early!!!!!!
So many older women who's husbands die end up dating male friends they have known for years.