Starting Over at 41: Shame and disgrace! But the lesson was finally learned
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- čas přidán 16. 04. 2024
- This continues my evolution, figuring life out even after 40 years on this planet. I am learning why I always feel like I'm drowning and how to move forward to make sure I can do more than survive, but thrive.
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I started over at 49 and was doing sort of OK. Broke all ties with my family 2 years ago and frankly, life bloomed. Clearing out toxic people from your life is always a win. (Edited for typo)
Always a win!
CLEARING OUT TOXIC PEOPLE!
Sweetie I am 50yrs and currently at rock bottom. I lost my mum in 2022 who was living with me and my daughter for 12 years, my siblings blamed me and said so many things. But I did my best and never let her feel like it was a problem, so that made me feel better now. I front it enough, as best as I can and FAILED and believe me when I tell you, mi a Batta now and a try fi get back on mi face outta di hole mi live inna . Buuuuuuut now I am determined now more than ever as I cannot let my daughter believe this is the best life has to offer. For some reason, with research and videos Mexico makes me feel like I could make a home there. So girl, believe me, you are 9 years younger and will be sharing your success stories by 50 and I strongly believe I will share my success stories by 55years. Your videos are a motivation for me so continue to share.
Whew the family struggles sometimes are too much to bear but like you said it’s never too late and the victories are coming. I had to dig myself out from Jamaica to realize the almost never ending battle
@@MoTheTravelingJamaican Yep, true, true so now I focus on mi and my daughter. I know exactly what you mean, I am digging my way out now by cleaning up debt and upgrading my skills and ways of activating my online business annnnnnnnnnnnd wooosh, we'll be out of here.
Wow your looking very pretty today. your still young and there is many avenues to travel. Do not measure life in the ways of the world but the ways of God.Please him and he will sort the rest for you. The world is a mess as we speak. We are all stuck one way or another. We didnt ask for this madness yet we will have to find a way out. This is prophecy being played out. Enjoy Mexico while your there with your family and loved ones. The simple things in life is what will carry you through the tough times. Dont set expectations you cant meet or expect others to do the same. The rule is less is more and you will see the beauty in simplicity dear. Enjoy every breath and every laughter with those you love. That is all you will take when you depart this realm. Greater is he that is within you than he that is in the world. Live to the max!!!!!! Your very pretty and just be yourself and someone on your frequency will be intune with you naturally. Let nature do the rest. Many blessings and best of luck. 🌷🌹🌜🌞🌈🎭🌅🎇🎆🌄
41 ain't old 😅 you still got plenty of time to do better in life. Im 47 going on 48 so im just now getting my stuff together. Hopefully by 60 i will be rich 🙏
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Same..47, divorced and starting all over again and I too am just figuring it all out..I believe that one isn't truly grown until you reached your 40's...I wasn't together yet even in my 30's..so life is actually just beginning for me, that's how I look at it..
@@obsidianbeauty76 and now it’s beginning with knowledge, wisdom and better earning potential 💕
43 here and starting over too, Mo. Life is what you make it and being selfish is a starting point. We can't thrive if we're caught up in other people's lives. Taking care of ourselves and nurturing our happiness is the ONLY WAY to go. Thanks for sharing. I know that feeling of shame too but everything is a lesson. Learn and launch onward. ❤
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Bless you Monique. Bless your home, bless your child, bless your bank account and bless anything you ever attempt in life. This was a word!
I am currently figuring it out.
The thing where life teaches you the same lesson over and over until you have learned it, is something I realized many years ago. There's a lot shrouded in fog where my future is concerned, but I tell you, that past is crystal clear!
I may not know what I want to do for the future, I may only be able to take the next step (very cautiously) then see where else I want to go, but I know exactly what I never want to do again and I'm using that to make decisions right now.
I'll tell you that sometimes it feels like I'm being naughty. like I'm being rebellious.. disobedient even, but we get such a short time here it's a shame to spend it wondering "what if".
Yeassss that last line. Choosing ourselves and our own desires can feel so naughty as you say. Do it anyway hmph
I think your story is highly inspiring. 41 is YOUNG in the grand scheme of life. Remember people are living until 80 and 90 these days. It just means you get to live the second half of your life on your terms using the wisdom you gained from the first half. Keep the videos coming.
Thank you Trudy-Ann 🙏🏾
Kudos to you. Being aware is half the battle. I can't count how many times I've started over, and honestly, can't quite say I've learned my lessons all the way yet, but I'm getting better. You have no where to go but up. We're rooting for you young lady. You got this!
Thank you Cartess, good to see you around these parts 😁
Your thought process and level of self awareness is very good. You can't pour from an empty cup is so right! Many of us need to limit the access others have to us until we are in the space we want to be in. Because you are aware of how you have slid backwards, you will be able to move forward , many don't see it and accept things however they come, less or more. Don't be ashamed of your situation! SO many of us have started over many times! You already have the best tools in your toolbox; recognizing where you are in life and don't want to be , being uncomfortable with your current situation and having the desire to change it. Best wishes to you and your hair is gorgeous!
Thank you so much and yes my hair is behaving right now lol
40 is still a baby. Oh yes, you can start over as long as you have the finances to take care of yourself. One can be homeless, raise themselves up, and STILL start over. One has not lost the game of life until they leave this realm admitting they have lost.
I can tell you that “choosing you” sounds like the thing to do but it is very hard. Especially when you’ve been brought up to take care of family. Will you really “choose you” when you know your family members are suffering? They need medicine, they can’t pay their rent…on and on? These things will always come up. I think it’s great that you have seen the pattern and want better for yourself and your child.
I have 5 children and I had this moment of realization myself. My mother passed away and I had to get my dad out of foreclosure twice. Once 16,000 and once 11,000 usd. And I ended up homeless with my kids. It’s not his fault for needing my help it’s my fault for not saying no. It’s hard to see that I couldn’t help him. If you have the money it feels like the right thing to do is to help. But I’m a single mom and there’s nobody to help me when I’m down bc I simply have too many kids so now I think of it like this, whatever I give to someone else I’m taking away from my kids. I had to leave Mexico to reset my visa and do some medical stuff so I’m back “home” for a couple of months and family members have already asked me to borrow money. I’m living out of motels and sleeping on my cousins floor and camping bc I’m literally homeless when I come back and they still think I can help them bc I’m traveling the world 😂
Set some goals and some boundaries. Something like “I’m going to save $5,000 or even $2,000 and until I’m there I’m saying no to everything and everyone. Sometimes you’ll have to say no to the things that you yourself want and just learn to have to say “no this is the goal”. Then decide how much you can help outside issues. Meaning set aside $1,000 or whatever you decide and that’s it, that’s all you have for any outside emergencies that happen. Who knows it might even be an emergency of your own that you will have to pull from it and replenish that emergency fund. You should never touch the 5,000(or whatever you decide to save). That should be your last resort to float you while you yourself are down. I felt like I never wanted to be at ground zero again. As women in our 40’s you’re right it does not feel good to not be able to take care of ourselves and have to lean on others. Good luck on this new journey of financial awareness ❤
Excellent advice all around here, thank you. I know exactly what you mean when you say they think we have it when we’re traveling but we left for our sanity. I have my little emergency fund I am building on now and guarding it with my all. Experience gives us wisdom and I expect this to be my last restart at least at this level of ground zero.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and bravery. I could say so much, but I’ll leave it at I can relate. I’m a South African living in the United States. Where I come from we are communal than anything. I’m constantly trying to figure out that place where the me can thrive. Choosing me first has never been easy and culturally looked down on cause ‘How dare I’? At 40 I am learning how to choose me first. Thank you so much.
You and your hair are GORGEOUS 💜
Thank you 😊
I love this video. Thanks for being so vulnerable with us. I can relate, and I also have been in a similar situation my whole life. Di cup soo bruk here as well, and I have to try and find some way to cut things out that are to my own detriment.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am 41, turning 42 this year. I've been struggling with the decision to quit my current job and become a full time writer. I've talked myself out of it so many times, but hearing you tell your story so sincerely and unapologetically has given me a boost. I'm looking forward to following your adventures in Mexico.
I would just hate to get to the end regretting taking a chance, you know? I hope you take the leap too 💕 thanks for being here
@@MoTheTravelingJamaican That's what I tell myself. The regrets are the worst to live with. I guess that's the advantage 40s give us. We know the stakes.
I love your transparency. You have many blessings coming your way❤❤❤
thank you 🙏
Can we talk about how vivacious your energy is!!!! Can we acknowledge the embodiment and the GROWTH!!!! Congratulations to you darling. Your bravery is paying its dividends
This is the best compliment everrrrrr love that my energy is giving! Thank you my darling 🙌🏾💕
Turning 40 in Sept. I have a bs in psych and I can't do social work. I've tried. It's about the only work you can do with a bs in psych. I'm looking into coding bootcamps so I can become a software engineer. Im a single mother with a five year old. I'm definitely at a low point.
Hey Sis, just an encouragement, doing a coding bootcamp was the best investment I ever made in myself! It's a rough process but keep going!
Ig I am too young to start over because I am only twenty one but I am most definitely about to reinvent myself. I want to change my life in ways that love. I just got out of a year relationship & lost myself in that relationship because I was so comfortable. I’m ready to heal, build my relationship w/ God, & build a relationship w/ myself ❤.
It’s great to learn these lessons when we’re young, sets you up for success as you grow
Brave woman wishing all the best things Irie Diva❤
Thanks Dy 💕
2 Corinthians 12:14 "for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children".
Hola! Don't ever give up! You're a survivor. Hang on tight!
I’m in there like swimwear! lol
@@MoTheTravelingJamaican I'm 68. I feel as if I'm starting over every day. You are a wonderful example for your daughter. She is taking mental notes believe me.
Stay encouraged! This is for a time, not a final destination. Every decade brings new and different experiences.
Omg Monique, this is Ceola, the one who made the macaroni. I'm 41 and going through the exact same thing! We're back in the states and starting over. This is so tough for me at this age. I gave out so much money helping others and bringing my mom to Mexico and then rushing her back to the states and it hurt me so bad financially. Your video inspired me because we're sitting here in this airbnb and I am feeling so down and out, trying to figure out exactly what city we're going to be in, and just ready to get settled again. Thank you so much for this video, I have hope again.
Hi Ceola! Happy to hear from you and wishing you all the best on this next chapter. it's so hard sometimes but we get through it every time 🫶🏾
Much success great video
Thank you
I’m 41 and I regret stopping my life so many times for family. Focusing on my family needs was my demise😔
thankfully we're still here and can course correct with wisdom and experience
Congratulations on getting your residency and choosing you and your daughter.
Thank you 😊
Merci
I am here with you! About to turn 50 and all has gone to poo...again...but we will rise up!
As long as we don’t stay down, as many times as it takes
Darling that is a multigenerational curse that is not your fault. This started from and came from our enslavers. We never was taught about money the enslavers made sure of that. You can break the curse my daughter taught me. You will not believe the miraculous change; now I have excess finances, God did this by the way of my child. Let us help.
You’re right it’s definitely generational. I will break it too
We will be filming our show live I think Saturday next week. Check my community board for our times when we will be live and you can ask questions. I pray I will see you there,
Wait did you say Black Americans are exhausting??? 🤣😂😂😩 I gotta hear this lol
I think it’s just the environment we were raised in but not all of us are like that-just the ratchet ones from the hood LOLLLL a lot of us are cultured and were raised in well to do families.
But I made it here by suggestion of CZcams. I’m 40 (just turned in January) and I’m literally in the midst of starting over on the west coast of America (I’m originally from Maryland-east coast) -subscribing because I need to hear the black American conversation🤣🤣🤣🤣😩 AND also because I love your spirit-please give us some patois too ❤️🙏🏾
lol yes I promise I don’t mean it in a mean way Lolol ok maybe a little bit. That story is coming trust 😂😂 thanks for subbing! The patois comes out any time I’m stuck on my words 🤣 the friend I mentioned in this video who helped me when I was down is from Maryland. Good peeps!
When you create THIS video, it will surely go viral…please tell us more!🤷🏾
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I am Jamaican too and my goal is to retire early. 51 years old and looking to retire in Dominican Republic.
Love your energy 😊
Thank you. The DR is lovely
You’re always coming for our black American NECKS!! We know we’re a mess. It’s the environment we were raised in.😆😆
Your talk reminds me of my sister. Our mom, her husband and her (adult) kids won’t be happy until she loses her mind. They ask SO much of her and she always puts them first. Never taking time for herself. That is not sustainable.
Not sustainable at all!! I hope she sees that sooner than later and yes I definitely believe you about that toxic environment y’all in 🤣
We come for y’all be because we see your potential and look up to you! Don’t take it to heart -an African