I love how you take stalking seriously and point out how people who are stalked are not taken seriously! It can ruin someone’s life or be deadly like in this tragic case.
I was stalked. I was ‘laughed away’ at the police-it altered my life; moved 7 states away & hid for 3 years from every single person in my previous life.
@Jack Tha Real Sadly, your view holds merit. Statistics would certainly bear this out. Ms. Ellen , possibly a cat lady somewhere living a blue state mentality, would rather believe what “feels the best”..
I just watched a piece on a young woman being stalked for over a year and she is terrified for her life. I feel victims of stalking should legally be able to have special gun rights, shooting lessons and self defense classes. Too late is not early enough for self protection.
It is exactly the same over here in Germany and in Holland. The police can do nothing until a crime is committed. Such are the laws. They can give a stalker a warning and a good talking to, that's all.
Just goes to show stalking can happen to anyone. When I had to come forward about a stalker at work, I was shocked how many of my colleagues, male and female, who had similar experiences. One lady said her stalker crashed his SUV through her patio windows! These people are not confused or lovelorn. THEY ARE INSANE. You can't just "tell them to stop".
You are so correct!! I had a stalker as well, and no one can understand how scary and nerve racking that is unless it happens to them! The creep who was stalking me was a neighbor who thought he was going to get somewhere with me, I was totally not interested, and never did anything but (mistakenly) be polite when I first moved in! I believe in his mind he saw us as a couple. He had cameras set up facing my door and one facing my parking spot! I lived in a nightmarish hell for three years before I was finally able to move out!
give them a taste of their own poison, point cameras at his place, get a vicious dog to bark at his dumba-s and pepperspray him at the slightest approach.. but unfortunately sometimes moving away may be the only option
@@jayuhoo4806 Unfortunately, they don't care about that; retaliation makes them feel even more justified. A combination of my moving across town, and after he found me again, a visit from the police did the trick. It was a weird situation. His wife also began stalking me (long story), so two against one. Luckily, I had officers with excellent training, and they knew whom to believe.
@@micheleanello2953 That is terrible. I'm sorry that happened to you. I was in a similar situation, in that housing choices in my city are extremely limited, and I wasn't able to move until a year later. I would have had to quit my job and move halfway across the country to find someone who could take me in, knowing I had a stalker. I wouldn't inflict that on anyone who didn't know exactly what he was in for.
I work with domestic violence survivors. The fear they endure is so hard to witness. The police's dismissive attitude towards women makes me feel so discouraged. I am talking about Toronto police.
Everything will be better when we convince women to stop selecting men based on testosterone levels. As it is women see men with highest testosterone levels as the most dominant and sexually desirable, but they forget that these traits in men are also associated with impulsiveness, risk taking, and propensity for violence.
@@earlmcearl1244 So, perhaps women should ask for their blood samples on dates? To test their testosterone levels? I love how one-sided this is as opposed to being united as a society, and giving harsher punishments towards those who exhibit violent behaviours. Also, what about the men who naturally have higher levels, but are excellent partners, fathers, good samaritans etc.? They shouldn’t have any dates at all?
@@earlmcearl1244 you want to be an ally to women? Step in when another dude is out of line, like ‘she told you to leave her alone man, why are you still talking to her?’ And do that without the expectation of anything g more than a ‘thanks’ Also, if you have a female friend or relative being stalked and she wants to get law enforcement involved, get on the police until they DO something.
@@earlmcearl1244 I do see what your saying and understand what you mean and I'm a female. I don't see your comment as 'victim blamey'. To an extent there is some truthfulness to what you said. There are many layers to everybody, so not as to say it's stereotypical that a muscle filled meathead will be an abuser as opposed to a shy, soft, highly educated person being the sweetest kindest one that will never hurt or harm.
Dr.Grande is right that there should have been other means for her but the cold hard reality of the world is that, like he says, there are no consequences for stalkers the majority of the time and no help available, and it's not because people don't care but there are complicated things that cannot be overcome like the guilty beyond a reasonable doubt and the effort and expense of a prosecution that will probably fail, certain things aren't illegal and it would be hard to see how to make illegal a behavior like parking on a street and waiting in your car, I know that this is done maliciously but beyond the harassment laws that are already in place there doesn't seem to be a way to make illegal this behavior. That's how stalker's are so dangerous, they repeat threatening but ostensibly legal behavior that just steps up to the line and in many cases when they cross it there is no evidence or record. I think that getting armed is a good step to take in these situations because you know that every other means of defense is so flawed.
I agree stalking is Rule # 1 in the Murderers playbook, there is new laws but it doesnt stop them they will eventually find a way to get you, disgusting
@@FollowmedowntheNumberWhole It's not that, it's that stalking behavior is comprised of ostensibly legal behavior. There are harassment laws but without evidence and a record of the behavior there is no chance for a prosecutor to build a case that's beyond a reasonable doubt. It's definitely imperfect but it has nothing to do with how much law enforcement care about women or minorities, in general, law enforcement is very patriarchal and see themselves as protectors of the vulnerable especially women, it's not that they don't take this seriously it's that there is nothing they can do. What would be a good use of resources that would curb this issue is to assign detectives to build cases against stalkers that are strong enough to get convictions but when there aren't enough detectives to take on all homicides and violent crimes that happen then they aren't going to spare any on this. Ending the war on drugs is a good start to freeing up resources and increasing funding for law enforcement is the solution.
It's defined as harasment but hardly enforced by the law as far as I know, but if you dare to comfront the menace physically then you can be easily charged with assault.
Stalking is illegal in Scotland. More than two instances of stalking behaviour that causes fear or alarm is prosecutable. I don't think it's ever been enacted for so few offences but it has definitely got some persistent offenders off the streets.
It's absurd that victims have to wait until the stalker 'strikes' here in the U.S. As though the Stalker's rights take precedent over the victims rights.
I'm guessing it's to do with the whole 'freedom' narrative the US is being fed. Even though its creating a situation of unfreedom (which is apparent in other contexts that use freedom as the narrative)
It’s illegal here in US as well, however it’s not pursued legally as it should be. It’s so hard for me to understand her possible reasoning for not having a gun seeing how that IS perfectly legal in the US and would have, in all likelihood saved her life. There is also the option of preemptive action (NOT so legal, but definitely life saving!). I then realized that all I was thinking fell into the category of blaming the victim for having been murdered...and for that I am so sorry, because it’s wrong, period!
She obviously new he was very dangerous, but she did all she could, and I guess having the 8 year time span with nothing happening she must have felt the threat was over, very scary.
I think she should have carried a firearm, pepper spray just doesn't cut it. When she told her friends that she didn't know how to protect herself that broke my heart, she lived in California and worked in a very left-leaning field and I think that the idea of a firearm for self defense didn't even cross her mind. If you are being stalked, get yourself armed and learn how to use it. It would be such a better outcome for this monster to take 2 to the chest and for her to get away. Dr.Grande is right that there should have been other means for her but the cold hard reality of the world is that, like he says, there are no consequences for stalkers the majority of the time and no help available, and it's not because people don't care but there are complicated things that cannot be overcome like the guilty beyond a reasonable doubt and the effort and expense of a prosecution that will probably fail, certain things aren't illegal and it would be hard to see how, that's how stalker's are so dangerous, they repeat threatening but ostensibly legal behavior that just steps up to the line and in many cases when they cross it there is no evidence or record. I think that getting armed is a good step to take in these situations because you know that every other means of defense is so flawed.
@@bencheevers6693 I was looking for such a comment about getting a firearm because that's what I would, as a woman, do in this situation too. A stalker is a selfish coward. Most of them just need the sight of a gun to back the hell off. And if a person is trained on handling a firearm, he/she could safely fire warning or non-fatal shots to scare or disable the assailant. It didn't need to end like this for Amie...
Not rly, she looked like a high on herself hollywood wanna be star person who doesn’t care much except if she is getting payed. All good she has done she done it for the fame. Atleast she looked like that and looks like she had a bit of daddy issues.
@@stevearcher6100 i dont think many picked up on hanging around playboy mansion, and porn stars . i also think she got with Drew Carey for his status and money. id love to hear what he really thinks of her, i bet she has a toxic side also.
Thank you for understanding what stalking is Dr Grande, very few people do. When it happened to me (my ex) I had to inform one manager and she said that she wished her husband would love her that much. 😪This is not love, it is a debilitating experience that slowly crushes your joy, your sense of safety and massively increases your paranoia. It is terrifying, you see your pursuer everywhere and question your sanity. Thankfully the Police were sympathetic and helpful but I was in despair for a while. I feel so sorry for this unfortunate woman, her life taken away so violently but an evil man. May she rest in peace. She made the world a better place with her good work.
That’s the police for you. Never there when you need them, only there to clean up a crime scene. That’s why having a weapon is key, preferably one that you can use from a distance.
I was stalked by an ex. I withdrew from all social media and changed my phone, and after 3 months not being able to contact me she sent her two brothers round. That was great, I much prefer to face the danger I'm in than having it hanging over my head. I pursuaded them to leave and never saw them or her again. I think the message I sent back with them convinced her.
This one really scared me Doc. I just found out my long-term stalker from years ago lives less than a block away. I haven't noticed any contact and I'm unsure how to proceed. You are right, there is no handbook for dealing with these people 😰
When at all possible do not be seen by him. This triggers them greatly, along with talking to the more texting Facebook etc. any contact is not good. Dress and appear different to how you were when he knew you. If possible I would move.
Just a suggestion. Take it, or toss it. Find a GOOD Martial Arts Teacher, who also knows street fighting techniques, as a last resort. Buy a gun, or don't. If you do, train with it until you can handle it like it's part of you. Put N alarm system on your windows, and doors, and beef up your doors. Know that ( and they WILL teach you this) if you point a gun at anybody, DO NOT do it if you're not 100% sure you can pull the trigger. Keep yourself aware of your surroundings when you're out and about. And most of all, have back up plan for your back up plan. That has saved me numerous interactions with a former stalker. Oh, and always remember, once a stalker, always a stalker ( or at least you have to assume that). Read as much as you can about the subject. If you do all these things, he may lose interest. Especially if you don't react to his crap. But...keep a notebook ( slide it under your couch) and every single time he tries to contact you write it down. If he talks to your family, friends or neighbors, write it down. And, if you file a Restraining order, be aware that he's likely to ignore it. File it anyway. Then call the Police every single time he "accidentally " runs into you at a store, etc.., If , ultimately, something happens where he hurts you, you'll have a great paper trail, and the police will take you more seriously, than if you're vague about your complaints about him. Screen all your calls. A yone who isn't in your contacts can always , and WILL leave a message for you if something is THAT important to them. Just a few suggestions, like I said. Do what you wish with it.
@@BaronSaturday66 oh stop already! Police cannot possibly be all things to all people who need them at all times! There are not enough of them! Do not out them on e this country down. I AGREE THAT SHE SHOULD TAKE IT SERIOUSLY ENOUGH TO PREPARE HERSELF CORRECTLY. Watching the movie ENOUGH with Jennifer Lopez will help her in doing this. And the Karate Kid series, no joke. THAT is what every one of us good people should have under our belt (the evil people need not read this!).
How completely sad and frustrating for this poor woman! Nowhere to turn or look to except over her shoulder for years and years. No one should have to live their life that way and she did until she was murdered. So sad.
Having a stalker was the exact reason I started watching your videos years ago, the first video I watched was about Narcissistic personality disorder..The laws need to be more severe when it comes to this type of situation. Thank you for bringing awareness.❤
She's not "pretty", she's well groomed. I guarantee you, anyone can pile on makeup and do up their hair and look good. If you doubt this, have you SEEN any of the before and afters on youtube?
@@dortesandal4303 yeah that’s obvious by the way she made sure to surround herself with quality people and she had loved ones around her to protect her…
If someone abused you once they will do it twice and it changes if you cut them off they go obsess over you and abuse go farther to real harm and death. Stay safe all. Thank you Dr. Grande 🤍🫀
I knew a girl while I was in college who was a victim of stalking and the police never did anything because her stalker (luckily) never escalated to violent behavior. But she went through months of hell with this creeper following her around at a distance, writing her cards, and leaving her hand carved wooden baby toys...
Wow...she had the financial and intellectual ability to do everything right, more than what anyone should even have to do in such a situation, and it seems as though it was so easy for him to do it as soon as he felt like it.
Stalking kills your soul slowly and painfully, and leaves you feeling scared, tired and paranoid. Sometimes the only solution is leaving your town or country and even that seems not enough. Thanks Dr Grande, hopefully one day authorities and mental health professionals take this issue as seriously as you do.❤️
Thank you for this video about an underappreciated topic. Even in cases where stalking does not lead to murder, it's terrifying for the victim. The anxiety can be really torturous.
You’re being one dimensional. There are a lot of variables that are factored in when considering the development of the human mind. Sometimes, several factors come together and the “perfect storm” is created. That’s not to say that these people don’t know right from wrong, they do, and they need to be taken out of society so as not to put ANYone else at risk.
The thoughtful care you put into this topic was incredibly touching, Dr. Grande! At best, stalking victims live a life of fear, and there's no need to say what the worst is. Amazing episode! ♡
This is one of the most tragic cases I’ve seen you cover. The way she did everything she was supposed to and was still murdered is so terrifying and heartbreaking.
@@infamousla815 because the murderers are not known to, on the first date, say "oh hey, I'm going to brutally murder you one day". Disturbing number of misogynists in the comments.
*I do as well! I know im going to like them, and its become somewhat of a system for me. I'll 'like' a video when I watch it, that way I know what videos I've already watched. Then, if its a bad video, after I watch it I just 'dislike' it.*
Another great take Dr. G, I think you addressed the "why didn't she get a gun" argument very well: not everyone is capable of/willing to take things to that degree, and at any rate it offers no "surefire" solution to the problem. I recall another case of stalking where the woman had her armed bf come over to her parents house with her the night things went down, and the all of them ended up dead because the stalker was watching the house and chose the right time to strike. If she made any mistake here, I think it was talking to him at the convention and afterwards: he was quoting voicemails from 8 years ago and berating her as if things had just happened, and it's hard to imagine any productive interaction could happen under those conditions. As in the Jodi Arias case, one must take heed when dealing with the mentally unstable: it seems the interaction only agitated the stalking mind-state (if indeed it was dormant). Of course, just seeing her again may have been enough, even if she had shut down the conversation immediately, and this doesn't not mean it was "her fault" for giving his delusions life again, but it is a caution for those empathetic souls who feel obliged to give crazy their time and space: we may just be giving the fire the fuel it needs to consume us.
I lived this life. The day my stalker was served with a Restraining order, he came to my home after work, looked me right in my face, waved the paper in my face, and stated " This is just a piece of paper, nothing else, it doesn't matter one bit!". Hecontinued to show upevery si gle day after I got home from work, he'd be waiting on my front porch. Ignoring him only made things worse. He was violent when we were married, and he only escalated. I had kids to protect. I remarried, and he still stalked me. The final straw was when I went to drop my Granddaughter off at the sidewalk, because her Daddy was over at his house visiting HIS Dad, ( my ex) . Things had been civil for quite a while). I opened the door to my pickup, took my Granddaughter out of her carpet, and set her on the side walk leading up to my ex's house. Like I said he drank a LOT, and suddenly I heard my Son yell from the porch "DAD!, what are youv doing!?" I tried to jump in my truck as fast as possible as he was running full out towards me. He slammed the truck door as hard as he could by hitting it. My lower legs had crush injuries to them across the shin bones. In shock I drove home, He had moved in 4 blocks away from our new house, and I knew then, he would always try to hurt me...he felt he owned me. This was insane. I sat with ice packs on my legs, and my new Husband wanted nothing more than to go shoot my ex's kneecaps. I told him he wasn't going to prison, his Kids, and Grandkids, and I needed him here. Ironically, the idiot made the mistake of calling me, still slightly drunk, and started screaming and telling me about how next time he would make it worse ( Like that hadn't happened when we were previously married) . Something just "clicked " in my brain. Like a switch being turned on or off. I simply yelled at him to " Shut UP! And then as calm as ever I told him ...if he EVER hurt me again, if he ever broke into my house again ( he'd done so 6 times AFTER I moved to a different house,because he insisted it was HIS house, and as long as our kids were living there he could come & go whenever he wanted) and like I stated before the Restraining Order meant nothing to him) I would shoot him dead. I told him I was DONE living in fear, he'd had 15 years of his sadistic fun with me, and I was "DONE!". Stunned silence on the other end of the line, then very quietly " Would you repeat that"? I said " Repeat what" ? The fact that I'm going to stop your abusing me one way or another? I think you heard me loud & clear the 1st time." Years & years later? He still makes asinine comments at the Grandkids Graduations, and I just smile, and ignore him. He leaves me alone now.
Must've felt so good to take control. Although I wonder why other family members still tolerate him after witnessing what he did, why is he even being invited to graduations and the like?
@@anonymouse6703 Because he is their Father. I am Civil to him. He has gone through a lot of heavy crap in the last 30+ years. Although, I'll never fully trust him again, He has mellowed ( except when he's drinking) a lot. Don't be fooled, I stay aware when he is around. If our grown children want to forgive him ( and he has done some pretty unforgivable things) and see him sometimes , then that's on them. They're free to choose, and make their own decisions. I will say, as of a year ago he had alienated every single child we had. He called ME wanting to know what was "wrong" with these kids. I talked to him and you'd him kindly, but firmly he was an alcoholic, and had some real issues. And, if he ever hoped to heal things with the kids he better get some help.
@@reneet5858 oh ok yes, that'd be the logical answer. I've had such toxic issues with my own family that at a young age, I made the decision to emotionally disconnect and leave them, and I forget sometimes that most people wouldn't cut their family ties like that. You sound like a very patient and empathetic person, and your kids and husband are lucky to have you :)
This is so scary. I think she probably tried to reason with an unreasonable/unhinged man because of her profession at that event. Rest In Peace Amie. Ps: you don’t own anyone anything especially an abusive stalker, you don’t have to give that person your time or energy because you feel “bad” for their upbringing
Makes me wonder how many people have just killed their stalker to end the fear. Like one day, they've just had enough, and decide to flip the dynamic. You have to figure it's happened at least a few times given the lack of protection provided by the law for stalking victims.
Thanks for this. I was stalked for 4 years and in my country at the time there were no laws to stop it. It was exhausting and terrifying. Thankfully it didn't end like this case. Poor Amy. As you say, she did everything in her power to protect herself.
I wonder if FB stalking others is somehow less criminal? I would like to know why people do that? Although:. Some years ago one of my NHS colleagues met a girl, and their relationship although it lasted just a couple of years was not great. They always argued, he treated her terribly and he was unfaithful, They split up and he could not leave her alone, he would come into work crying like a baby, He missed shifts we all hated it when he was in work because he shirked his job and behaved dreadfully. His ex was admitted to the hospital where we worked, but not to our ward, we were accident and emergency and she was on an elective ward. I don't even know how he found out she was in! It turns out he attacked her with a knife while she was on the ward, he was restrained, arrested and sectioned. The lady in question survived. Just! She emigrated to get as far away from him as possible. He is no longer working in healthcare but I heard he married some poor soul last year!
If women being physically stalked can't be helped we're in so much trouble when it comes to social media. It's so sad that your colleague emigrated in the end. :( :( :(
If you can find out where he lives and who he married. Inform the police via an anonymous system. Just in case he does something and it prevents things getting really bad. All you can do unfortunately.
Well if the other person just can’t see that they’re meant to be, then that’s their fault and they deserve to be punished. I’m being sarcastic but it shows stalking is about dominant on and ownership, not unrequited love.
I feel like stalker laws across the board are not taken seriously enough. I’m so sad she lost her life, especially when she was running out of ideas on how she was supposed to protect herself. She just wanted to live.
Dr. Grande the same could happen to anyone. I learned in a sociology course specific to what I was last studying in that men studying in a university or college program are being targeted with violence more often than men get attacked elsewhere too. Unfortunate that no one, like a policeman, took the time to tell Amie how to upgrade her locks and secure her balcony better. Like reinforcing balcony railings and installing a four [3 inch] screw strike plate box in both front and back door frames. New homes need that upgrade too. Monitoring systems and practicing mindfulness always during waking hours helps protect a person too.
This is a great comment. Many people like to take the responsibility off themselves & ask for cops (or other regulatory body) to do more… that thought process is a waste of time. Everybody needs to get their heads out of their phones and be mindful & aware. Look to the right and to the left & run from danger at the earliest signs of it…We should all be scanning our environments As an innate survival instinct…not because we live in fear, but because we’re too smart to assume somebody else will be doing it for us…
This world is scary but it's even scarier when you're a woman. I always have to look behind me when I walk outside on my own due to my own personal stalker as well as an online stalker. Which is why I use this pfp and I'm actually not Korean. I hate living like I'm paranoid, but as women, you cannot let your guard down. Stay safe
Thanks so much Dr Grande, so eloquent and heartfelt. Amy should have been safe. It's wholly unacceptable and the law does need to change. Bless her and her loved ones, what a huge loss of someone who did so much good.
I called 911. 22 times...that's right twenty two!! My phycopath phycotic dissaciotive depressed bipolar diagnosed ex husband kept coming after me breaking into my gated community Getting arrested then released over and over...he broke into my house and tried to murder me...134 bruises burst eardrum broken ribs concision ...and only got 2 years...and he is a 3 time convicted felon already having served 2 ten year sentences which were covered up when I did a background check on him before marrying him. I met him from friends from my church. We dated for a year. I found out soon after he was a drug abuser and an alcoholic as well. I told him I was a professional and his staying up all night and loosing his job was not going to work for me and he then tried to murder me. Since his release he has continued his stalking and I finally him arrested again when he Followed me to a police station and waited outside of it when I went in. I brought the 22 police reports and the stay away order and my I d I was calm and told the officers I needed them to arrest him. They said there nothing we can do unless he is right here following you I then pointed him out in there parking lot next to my car. They ran his plates and indeed realized he had felony warrants out because if the 22 police reports and he had stopped going to his parole officer. I have been able to finnaky sleep at night I go to the court when asked with friends and family and many letters and photos of his crimes against me. Because he has money he has a private Attorney but no bail He is looking at a 20 year sentence finnaly I believe he would have murdered me if I had not had him finnaky put behind bars. Very scary Be careful who you date
You have interesting details that I hadn't heard. I just read that he "yelled" at her at the event, not that they spoke for 45 then 30 minutes. Yikes! Obviously, she thought that by being "nice" and talking to him, it might help. Unfortunately, it did not. He was a good-looking guy and could have easily found another love. Obsession is scary!
I would’ve call security to escort him out. If security ignores me, I’d call the police. I’d never talk to him because that’ll give a narcissist the impression that their tactic works or you’ve changed your mind about them.
Years ago, I met with my attorney to file a restraining order. My attorney asked me if the person carried a concealed weapons permit. I said, "yes." The attorney simply stated, "a piece of paper will not stop a bullet." Instead, it can anger this individual more, just knowing they have an obstacle to overcome. The stalking got worse. My husband and I went to the police. The officer told us that the individual has every right to do what they were doing, until they caused us (or our daughters) harm. Those comments have stayed with me and my husband. We moved away and live every day to the best of our abilities. By living our life and being happy, we believe it creates more pain for the individual that was putting us through hell.
A tragic case. I heard about it in passing, thanks to the Drew Carey connection. Glad to know more about it Dr. Grande. So am wondering if you have heard of 'tapping,' or acupressure points, as a form of therapy? I read about it once in a book. The one case that stayed with me was the one by a stalker. He said, he was stalking, knew he was, knew stalking was wrong, that if he did not stop he could be locked up. But just could not stop. Until a therapist tried acupressure points with him, and he stopped. He could not explain it, but was grateful. He said something along the lines of it ending, or releasing, his obsession with the poor woman. Have you have heard of this type of thing? And do you think there is any truth to it? Thanks.
@justin Of course, Dr. Grande did address that topic. However, I wouldn't own a gun for a number of reasons. But let's say in Amie's case she was sleeping and he barged into her bedroom. What good would a gun do you if you're being overpowered and the gun is in the nightstand drawer out of sight, out of reach? I mean in a perfect world you might be actually in a position to have the gun in your hand. I just don't think that would be the likely scenario anyway.
Move away and hide, get a bodyguard, or change your identity are some of the only options against domestic partner violence. It's hard to get the police to even acknowledge what's going on, particularly if you were in a marriage with your stalker. To the rest of the world, you are their property, women's liberation is behind the times on this subject. The courts should provide a bodyguard, offer to relocate people, and help them to change their identity.
I was stalked when I was in college, it is scary. I was in a major city, and I still did not feel safe, and my practical classes ran into 10:00 at night and he followed me home twice, one time I met him on my steps. I really wish they would change the laws surroundings stalking, it is incredibly disturbing
Harwick was so out of her killer's league. She was bright, beautiful, very educated and financially stable, even if Drew Carey said she had some difficulties. May she RIP. I have never been a stalking victim and don't think it's likely that I ever would be. However, I heard what steps Amie took (by the way I am a Pepperdine MBA and also lived in both Hollywood and W. Hollywood.) I think prayer is in order as well. So among other prayers, I do pray the Auxilium Christianorum daily followed by the prayers for the Society of the Most Sorrowful Mother. I also pray to my Guardian Angel night and day. Jesus I place my Trust in Thee.
My friend also felt like she could be violated at any random moment, her ex stalked her for years and years, driving up next to her on the freeway, getting into her apartment. Years of harassment, threats and burglary. Protection order worthless. Police could only pick up the guy and release him, multiple times. Never killed her, just her ability to relax.
I think Dr. Grande should be working with the legislature on this and many other issues. If they listen to him, we'd certainly be living in a more just society.
@@ToyotaGuy1971 you made a claim. Now state your reasons. My reason is that he is very very very very thoughtful. Given the current economic and psychological situation in our country, it’s safe the say that the legislators failing. You already know what the stats look like. So, please state your reasons.
In my opinion, the mental health effects on victims of stalking and continuous harassment are underestimated by courts and society in general. I've seen it happen to good friends of mine. The emotional scarring and fear that it instils in a person can last for years.
@@missmerbear I met her grandmother and saw her once at an event in Seattle in the early 90's. Smelled her expensive perfume first and knew there was someone very rich in a room full of punk kids. 4-5 generations of maternal abandonment,but intelligent women. The rumor is she is Marlon Brando's daughter. Read the wiki entry for Paula Fox.
Seems like the onus should be on stalker. Lock them up and make those consequences clear. Put them on parole and the minute they are within a 100 yards of their target, throw them back into jail.
I’ve been catching up on the videos with Dr. Grande this am, I truly can say, many of the ones lives that were taken to soon can really, truly, help so many with red flags, and so much awareness. I’d absolutely love to see Dr. Grande do a video to help so many, being stocked is very scary. We need many ones to bring awareness on saving lives. I always carry away much safety, & I always share with others.
Stalking needs to be taken much more seriously with harsher legal consequences. It is terrorism. Also, taking out a restraining order against the stalker often times escalates the danger. This guy was stalking this woman for a decade. Terrifying.
Thanks for your analysis Doctor. What I don't understand is why she did not file charges against him for assault. He would have gotten some jail time wouldn't he ? I also think the only protection against a maniac like this is a gun.
@@ToyotaGuy1971 Thank you for your witless comment, "ToyotaGuy," but you seem to not know the definition of "hypocrite," given the fact that you have so grossly misused it in this case. You also seem to not understand what "projection" is, and you seem driven to insult perfect strangers on the Internet for no reason. You need better hobbies.
Dear Dr G, great new shirt. Tragic ending with Harwick's death, of a talented and exceptional woman. Pity she did not up the security - big time. I take no chances. Steel bars over all ground floor windows, deadlocks and high megapixel camera's = so far so good.
Stalking in the UK is now often treated with far more severity. Once reported to the police, they tend to act fast. Here, we also have ‘Clare’s Law’; a domestic violence disclosure scheme which allows a person (who has genuine concerns about their partner) to know the criminal background of their spouse/partner. It’s a scheme that I feel should be more widely known and definitely passed in other countries too.
I really appreciate you taking time to speak thoughtfully about the inadequacies of solutions for people who are being stalked. It is exhausting to be in that position and it seems we always end up discussing all the things that WEREN'T done to protect the victim. And by then it's too late, as you mentioned. I do hope we see some changes in the amount of protection available. I'm at a loss for what exactly that would look like, but of course that's precisely why it so often happens that stalking victims are under protected. We can't seem to come up with The Solution on this issue.
umm idk, maybe the last video Dr. Grande did where the lady fell in love with the guy who randomly stabbed a dude that was dancing with her. Guy stabbed a random dude then wrote to her from prison till she came to pick him up and have sex.
It is true, lots of women prefer "bad" and dangerous men. Evolutionarily this signals to women that the man is a risk taker and probably has a high testosterone level. In reality most women cannot see past physical attractiveness and their own social conditioning
A restraining order rarely works if someone wants to hurt you. This poor intelligent woman who should be the last person that stalkers go after but then she was beautiful. But if a woman has to be out and about in her job, then what can she do. I think he could have stalked someone else during that one time he didn't bother her I wander if she had security at her home?. I have heard that many police don't think these things are a priority but a waste of time. Another sad story and thanks Dr Todd for this podcast. I was a little preoccupied with your shirt, nice color.😁❤️🇨🇦❤️
You’re right. The person with the least to lose usually is in a higher position… Silly pieces of paper served by law enforcement won’t mean much to them…i thought In most states if cops are called for domestic violence than an arrest is going to be made? In my stare, If you file a restraining order, then the cops have to present the order to the perpetrator by hand. If the cops are not able to find perpetrator then the “protection” isn’t in place. I’ve Heard of them being effective in some cases but agree more systems should be in place for proactive protection.
We don’t need new laws for a lot of things in the US but we definitely need more protection against stalking! 🥺😰 Horrible case. Excellent video Dr. Grande!! 💕👍🏼💕
Thanks you! Stalking itself should be a criminal offence. Unfortunately stalking and other sorts of intimidation that abusive partners (current or ex) choose to do seems to be mostly legal. The effects can be terrible for the victim.
Exactly. We’re also getting stalked by Apple, Google, CZcams, & cameras in highways, stores, etc. etc.… cameras everywhere. If you file an insurance claim it’s legal for adjusters stalk you to make sure you’re not doing anything You say you can’t do. Everyone’s acting like they’re in a Third World mob. It’s unbelievable that all of this is allowed to happen. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That is so terrifying and disheartening that she did everything a rational person would or could do to protect herself from this stalker but it still did not work!!! I like that version in Scotland some commenter stated that if there are at least two instances of stalking behavior, the stalker gets arrested. It is terrible that it is obvious to everyone that some person has bad intentions but the police won't do anything until you have been attacked?
I love how you take stalking seriously and point out how people who are stalked are not taken seriously! It can ruin someone’s life or be deadly like in this tragic case.
I was stalked. I was ‘laughed away’ at the police-it altered my life; moved 7 states away & hid for 3 years from every single person in my previous life.
Thank you for this clarification she wasn't taken seriously. I didn't realize that was the real reason or how ever I should say it.
@Jack Tha Real You obviously have no success with women.
@Jack Tha Real Sadly, your view holds merit. Statistics would certainly bear this out. Ms. Ellen , possibly a cat lady somewhere living a blue state mentality, would rather believe what “feels the best”..
@Jack Tha Real damn
Law enforcement would often say “there’s nothing we can do until a crime is committed”. Yes, but by then it’s too late. 😡
I just watched a piece on a young woman being stalked for over a year and she is terrified for her life. I feel victims of stalking should legally be able to have special gun rights, shooting lessons and self defense classes. Too late is not early enough for self protection.
*That would be where my friends Heckler and Koch come in!*
Exactly! This SHOULD be a crime
It’s not really there fault tbh police don’t make the laws they can only enforce the laws as they are
It is exactly the same over here in Germany and in Holland. The police can do nothing until a crime is committed. Such are the laws. They can give a stalker a warning and a good talking to, that's all.
Just goes to show stalking can happen to anyone. When I had to come forward about a stalker at work, I was shocked how many of my colleagues, male and female, who had similar experiences. One lady said her stalker crashed his SUV through her patio windows! These people are not confused or lovelorn. THEY ARE INSANE. You can't just "tell them to stop".
You are so correct!! I had a stalker as well, and no one can understand how scary and nerve racking that is unless it happens to them! The creep who was stalking me was a neighbor who thought he was going to get somewhere with me, I was totally not interested, and never did anything but (mistakenly) be polite when I first moved in! I believe in his mind he saw us as a couple. He had cameras set up facing my door and one facing my parking spot! I lived in a nightmarish hell for three years before I was finally able to move out!
I believe protection from a stalker must involve law enforcement.
give them a taste of their own poison, point cameras at his place, get a vicious dog to bark at his dumba-s and pepperspray him at the slightest approach.. but unfortunately sometimes moving away may be the only option
@@jayuhoo4806 Unfortunately, they don't care about that; retaliation makes them feel even more justified. A combination of my moving across town, and after he found me again, a visit from the police did the trick.
It was a weird situation. His wife also began stalking me (long story), so two against one. Luckily, I had officers with excellent training, and they knew whom to believe.
@@micheleanello2953 That is terrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I was in a similar situation, in that housing choices in my city are extremely limited, and I wasn't able to move until a year later. I would have had to quit my job and move halfway across the country to find someone who could take me in, knowing I had a stalker. I wouldn't inflict that on anyone who didn't know exactly what he was in for.
I work with domestic violence survivors. The fear they endure is so hard to witness. The police's dismissive attitude towards women makes me feel so discouraged. I am talking about Toronto police.
Everything will be better when we convince women to stop selecting men based on testosterone levels. As it is women see men with highest testosterone levels as the most dominant and sexually desirable, but they forget that these traits in men are also associated with impulsiveness, risk taking, and propensity for violence.
@@earlmcearl1244 So, perhaps women should ask for their blood samples on dates? To test their testosterone levels?
I love how one-sided this is as opposed to being united as a society, and giving harsher punishments towards those who exhibit violent behaviours.
Also, what about the men who naturally have higher levels, but are excellent partners, fathers, good samaritans etc.? They shouldn’t have any dates at all?
@@earlmcearl1244 everything will be better when we stop victim blaming
@@earlmcearl1244 you want to be an ally to women? Step in when another dude is out of line, like ‘she told you to leave her alone man, why are you still talking to her?’ And do that without the expectation of anything g more than a ‘thanks’
Also, if you have a female friend or relative being stalked and she wants to get law enforcement involved, get on the police until they DO something.
@@earlmcearl1244 I do see what your saying and understand what you mean and I'm a female. I don't see your comment as 'victim blamey'. To an extent there is some truthfulness to what you said. There are many layers to everybody, so not as to say it's stereotypical that a muscle filled meathead will be an abuser as opposed to a shy, soft, highly educated person being the sweetest kindest one that will never hurt or harm.
It’s so frustrating that the law doesn’t take stalking seriously!!
Great video Dr Grande.
Dr.Grande is right that there should have been other means for her but the cold hard reality of the world is that, like he says, there are no consequences for stalkers the majority of the time and no help available, and it's not because people don't care but there are complicated things that cannot be overcome like the guilty beyond a reasonable doubt and the effort and expense of a prosecution that will probably fail, certain things aren't illegal and it would be hard to see how to make illegal a behavior like parking on a street and waiting in your car, I know that this is done maliciously but beyond the harassment laws that are already in place there doesn't seem to be a way to make illegal this behavior. That's how stalker's are so dangerous, they repeat threatening but ostensibly legal behavior that just steps up to the line and in many cases when they cross it there is no evidence or record. I think that getting armed is a good step to take in these situations because you know that every other means of defense is so flawed.
I agree stalking is Rule # 1 in the Murderers playbook, there is new laws but it doesnt stop them they will eventually find a way to get you, disgusting
Maybe the law just doesn’t take poor people, women or minorities seriously, unless they’re forced to (?) at least most of the time. Just a thought.
@@FollowmedowntheNumberWhole It's not that, it's that stalking behavior is comprised of ostensibly legal behavior. There are harassment laws but without evidence and a record of the behavior there is no chance for a prosecutor to build a case that's beyond a reasonable doubt. It's definitely imperfect but it has nothing to do with how much law enforcement care about women or minorities, in general, law enforcement is very patriarchal and see themselves as protectors of the vulnerable especially women, it's not that they don't take this seriously it's that there is nothing they can do. What would be a good use of resources that would curb this issue is to assign detectives to build cases against stalkers that are strong enough to get convictions but when there aren't enough detectives to take on all homicides and violent crimes that happen then they aren't going to spare any on this. Ending the war on drugs is a good start to freeing up resources and increasing funding for law enforcement is the solution.
It's defined as harasment but hardly enforced by the law as far as I know, but if you dare to comfront the menace physically then you can be easily charged with assault.
Stalking is illegal in Scotland. More than two instances of stalking behaviour that causes fear or alarm is prosecutable. I don't think it's ever been enacted for so few offences but it has definitely got some persistent offenders off the streets.
It's absurd that victims have to wait until the stalker 'strikes' here in the U.S. As though the Stalker's rights take precedent over the victims rights.
I'm guessing it's to do with the whole 'freedom' narrative the US is being fed. Even though its creating a situation of unfreedom (which is apparent in other contexts that use freedom as the narrative)
Good job Scotland. I hope that they are staying in jail for a long time.
I have expreienced this and it is truly frightening.... good for Scotland
It’s illegal here in US as well, however it’s not pursued legally as it should be. It’s so hard for me to understand her possible reasoning for not having a gun seeing how that IS perfectly legal in the US and would have, in all likelihood saved her life. There is also the option of preemptive action (NOT so legal, but definitely life saving!). I then realized that all I was thinking fell into the category of blaming the victim for having been murdered...and for that I am so sorry, because it’s wrong, period!
“ stalkers can roam with impunity”... this says it all. Thank you for another thorough analysis.
♥️👍♥️
She obviously new he was very dangerous, but she did all she could, and I guess having the 8 year time span with nothing happening she must have felt the threat was over, very scary.
I think she should have carried a firearm, pepper spray just doesn't cut it. When she told her friends that she didn't know how to protect herself that broke my heart, she lived in California and worked in a very left-leaning field and I think that the idea of a firearm for self defense didn't even cross her mind. If you are being stalked, get yourself armed and learn how to use it. It would be such a better outcome for this monster to take 2 to the chest and for her to get away.
Dr.Grande is right that there should have been other means for her but the cold hard reality of the world is that, like he says, there are no consequences for stalkers the majority of the time and no help available, and it's not because people don't care but there are complicated things that cannot be overcome like the guilty beyond a reasonable doubt and the effort and expense of a prosecution that will probably fail, certain things aren't illegal and it would be hard to see how, that's how stalker's are so dangerous, they repeat threatening but ostensibly legal behavior that just steps up to the line and in many cases when they cross it there is no evidence or record. I think that getting armed is a good step to take in these situations because you know that every other means of defense is so flawed.
@@bencheevers6693 Agreed about the firearm, and maybe a rottweiler as well. So sad
@@bencheevers6693 I was looking for such a comment about getting a firearm because that's what I would, as a woman, do in this situation too. A stalker is a selfish coward. Most of them just need the sight of a gun to back the hell off. And if a person is trained on handling a firearm, he/she could safely fire warning or non-fatal shots to scare or disable the assailant. It didn't need to end like this for Amie...
Yea,definitely
She sounds like she was an interesting and very kind person. How sad that the world lost her.
Not rly, she looked like a high on herself hollywood wanna be star person who doesn’t care much except if she is getting payed. All good she has done she done it for the fame. Atleast she looked like that and looks like she had a bit of daddy issues.
@@user-w8jhtre23 - amazing skill you have to get into someone's personality and motivations purely by looking at them.
Its always the good people this happens too. Have you noticed that?
@@user-w8jhtre23 Dude, you got rejected by her?? Why so salty? You sound like the killer rly!! 🤦🏻♂️
@@stevearcher6100 i dont think many picked up on hanging around playboy mansion, and porn stars . i also think she got with Drew Carey for his status and money. id love to hear what he really thinks of her, i bet she has a toxic side also.
Such a sad case...she had everything to live for. Good show, Dr. Grande, and nice shirt, nice color on you. 👍
I'm not diagnosing Dr Grande but that shirt color is common among malignant narcissists.
Totally suits the doc !!
@@natehbrotherroy17 🤣 That’s mean!
She might be educated but she earned her money in a disgusting way. Working with adult industry, you get what’s coming to you.
@@LegBuilder smh
Thank you for understanding what stalking is Dr Grande, very few people do. When it happened to me (my ex) I had to inform one manager and she said that she wished her husband would love her that much. 😪This is not love, it is a debilitating experience that slowly crushes your joy, your sense of safety and massively increases your paranoia. It is terrifying, you see your pursuer everywhere and question your sanity. Thankfully the Police were sympathetic and helpful but I was in despair for a while.
I feel so sorry for this unfortunate woman, her life taken away so violently but an evil man. May she rest in peace. She made the world a better place with her good work.
Such a heinous hitch in our laws that a woman has to end up dead before her abuser/attacker/stalker is held accountable.
Societal misogyny
That’s the police for you. Never there when you need them, only there to clean up a crime scene. That’s why having a weapon is key, preferably one that you can use from a distance.
@@FollowmedowntheNumberWhole Your comment doesn’t make any sense
@@ToyotaGuy1971 you have some serious issues. Go back to your incel/MGTOW forums.
@@FollowmedowntheNumberWhole Uh-oh. You've brought out all the incels.
I was stalked by an ex. I withdrew from all social media and changed my phone, and after 3 months not being able to contact me she sent her two brothers round. That was great, I much prefer to face the danger I'm in than having it hanging over my head. I pursuaded them to leave and never saw them or her again. I think the message I sent back with them convinced her.
This one really scared me Doc. I just found out my long-term stalker from years ago lives less than a block away. I haven't noticed any contact and I'm unsure how to proceed. You are right, there is no handbook for dealing with these people 😰
Be safe please!
The Gift of fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~ By
Gavin De Becker
Let your local police know your fear through their ‘non emergency services’. It’s valid.
When at all possible do not be seen by him. This triggers them greatly, along with talking to the more texting Facebook etc. any contact is not good. Dress and appear different to how you were when he knew you. If possible I would move.
This is not good what is the probability that this location of your stalker is just random? Please dont downplay this.....
Ive been stalked before and again by the same person very recently. No one takes you seriously, especially the law.
That must be terrifying, I pray you stay safe🙏
Hello. Me too. It suuuuuuuuuuucked(cubed). Please keep going to your local police (daily if you must) until you find someone there that DOES listen!
Move to a different state
Just a suggestion. Take it, or toss it. Find a GOOD Martial Arts Teacher, who also knows street fighting techniques, as a last resort. Buy a gun, or don't. If you do, train with it until you can handle it like it's part of you. Put N alarm system on your windows, and doors, and beef up your doors. Know that ( and they WILL teach you this) if you point a gun at anybody, DO NOT do it if you're not 100% sure you can pull the trigger. Keep yourself aware of your surroundings when you're out and about. And most of all, have back up plan for your back up plan. That has saved me numerous interactions with a former stalker. Oh, and always remember, once a stalker, always a stalker ( or at least you have to assume that). Read as much as you can about the subject. If you do all these things, he may lose interest. Especially if you don't react to his crap. But...keep a notebook ( slide it under your couch) and every single time he tries to contact you write it down. If he talks to your family, friends or neighbors, write it down. And, if you file a Restraining order, be aware that he's likely to ignore it. File it anyway. Then call the Police every single time he "accidentally " runs into you at a store, etc.., If , ultimately, something happens where he hurts you, you'll have a great paper trail, and the police will take you more seriously, than if you're vague about your complaints about him. Screen all your calls. A yone who isn't in your contacts can always , and WILL leave a message for you if something is THAT important to them. Just a few suggestions, like I said. Do what you wish with it.
@@BaronSaturday66 oh stop already! Police cannot possibly be all things to all people who need them at all times! There are not enough of them! Do not out them on e this country down. I AGREE THAT SHE SHOULD TAKE IT SERIOUSLY ENOUGH TO PREPARE HERSELF CORRECTLY. Watching the movie ENOUGH with Jennifer Lopez will help her in doing this. And the Karate Kid series, no joke. THAT is what every one of us good people should have under our belt (the evil people need not read this!).
How completely sad and frustrating for this poor woman! Nowhere to turn or look to except over her shoulder for years and years. No one should have to live their life that way and she did until she was murdered. So sad.
Having a stalker was the exact reason I started watching your videos years ago, the first video I watched was about Narcissistic personality disorder..The laws need to be more severe when it comes to this type of situation. Thank you for bringing awareness.❤
When her picture popped up in this video as the Doc was talking, I was legitimately taken aback by how pretty this woman was.
Yes, so beautiful, stunning eyes and obviously a curious and inspiring brain♥️.
No shit
She's not "pretty", she's well groomed. I guarantee you, anyone can pile on makeup and do up their hair and look good. If you doubt this, have you SEEN any of the before and afters on youtube?
@@dortesandal4303 yeah that’s obvious by the way she made sure to surround herself with quality people and she had loved ones around her to protect her…
@@SirenaSpades Exactly. I looked her up on a search to see more images. She does herself up well but her features aren't outstanding.
If someone abused you once they will do it twice and it changes if you cut them off they go obsess over you and abuse go farther to real harm and death. Stay safe all. Thank you Dr. Grande 🤍🫀
@@JayJordanJuly I hope you are safe now
@@JayJordanJuly don’t blame yourself people. Emotional manipulation
That shirt is just peachy!
🍑🍑🍑
🍑
🍑😂
😁😁
😂😂😂😊
I knew a girl while I was in college who was a victim of stalking and the police never did anything because her stalker (luckily) never escalated to violent behavior. But she went through months of hell with this creeper following her around at a distance, writing her cards, and leaving her hand carved wooden baby toys...
This is such a horribly tragic case. Thank you for remaining respectful while discussing it.
Wow...she had the financial and intellectual ability to do everything right, more than what anyone should even have to do in such a situation, and it seems as though it was so easy for him to do it as soon as he felt like it.
Great analysis along with a caring tone.
Almost ten years she suffered and feared this outcome - truly horrifying
Dr Grande should maybe address the victim blaming / misogyny on some of these comments in another video ...
For real. Some of the stuff I've read thus far in the comments ranges from shallow to upsetting. His perspective on them would be helpful.
THIS
I dont think we are hearing everything about her here. id like to hear what Drew carey had to honestly say why he broke it off with her.
@@tankthearc9875 what the heck does that have to do with anything??? WTF
@@tankthearc9875who the fuck cares what Drew Carey ( her ex fiancée ) thinks about her ? You need to check yourself and sit down.
Stalking kills your soul slowly and painfully, and leaves you feeling scared, tired and paranoid. Sometimes the only solution is leaving your town or country and even that seems not enough. Thanks Dr Grande, hopefully one day authorities and mental health professionals take this issue as seriously as you do.❤️
Thank you for this video about an underappreciated topic.
Even in cases where stalking does not lead to murder, it's terrifying for the victim. The anxiety can be really torturous.
Abuse at an early age or whatever the case, doesn't excuse someone from their actions, especially as an adult. Dangerous people out there.
It’s not an “excuse”, it’s a reason (BIG difference!).
You’re being one dimensional. There are a lot of variables that are factored in when considering the development of the human mind. Sometimes, several factors come together and the “perfect storm” is created. That’s not to say that these people don’t know right from wrong, they do, and they need to be taken out of society so as not to put ANYone else at risk.
@@noobie7719yea, away from it!!!
The thoughtful care you put into this topic was incredibly touching, Dr. Grande!
At best, stalking victims live a life of fear, and there's no need to say what the worst is. Amazing episode! ♡
This is one of the most tragic cases I’ve seen you cover. The way she did everything she was supposed to and was still murdered is so terrifying and heartbreaking.
When women say they’re scared of men, this is what they mean :(
Why do they continue to become the lovers of these dangerous guys?
@@infamousla815 because the murderers are not known to, on the first date, say "oh hey, I'm going to brutally murder you one day". Disturbing number of misogynists in the comments.
@@jonnylumberjack6223 bullshit. I knew my unstable ex gf was unstable the first 2 weeks of dating. After then, it was my responsibility
It's the men who engage in mindless feminist sloganeering that women really need to watch out for. It's often the camouflage of the sexual predator.
For a fictional 4th grader from an adult animated comedy you and your friends have always been wise beyond your years. Well....except for Cartman.
The gorgeous cactus with the 🤍🤍🤍🤍 printed on it is now the center of attention in the cacti family. 🙂 Great topic btw.
I agree
Yep
I always like Dr Grande’s videos before I see them. His videos are always entertaining.
*I do as well! I know im going to like them, and its become somewhat of a system for me. I'll 'like' a video when I watch it, that way I know what videos I've already watched. Then, if its a bad video, after I watch it I just 'dislike' it.*
*To be sure, I never dislike any of Dr Grande's videos, I was referring to other videos on CZcams when I made that statement.*
@@Griselda_Puppy I absolutely knew that😁
@@Griselda_Puppy 👍🏻👍🏻
@@Griselda_Puppy omg we are the same yay
Another great take Dr. G, I think you addressed the "why didn't she get a gun" argument very well: not everyone is capable of/willing to take things to that degree, and at any rate it offers no "surefire" solution to the problem. I recall another case of stalking where the woman had her armed bf come over to her parents house with her the night things went down, and the all of them ended up dead because the stalker was watching the house and chose the right time to strike.
If she made any mistake here, I think it was talking to him at the convention and afterwards: he was quoting voicemails from 8 years ago and berating her as if things had just happened, and it's hard to imagine any productive interaction could happen under those conditions. As in the Jodi Arias case, one must take heed when dealing with the mentally unstable: it seems the interaction only agitated the stalking mind-state (if indeed it was dormant). Of course, just seeing her again may have been enough, even if she had shut down the conversation immediately, and this doesn't not mean it was "her fault" for giving his delusions life again, but it is a caution for those empathetic souls who feel obliged to give crazy their time and space: we may just be giving the fire the fuel it needs to consume us.
I lived this life. The day my stalker was served with a Restraining order, he came to my home after work, looked me right in my face, waved the paper in my face, and stated " This is just a piece of paper, nothing else, it doesn't matter one bit!". Hecontinued to show upevery si gle day after I got home from work, he'd be waiting on my front porch. Ignoring him only made things worse. He was violent when we were married, and he only escalated. I had kids to protect. I remarried, and he still stalked me. The final straw was when I went to drop my Granddaughter off at the sidewalk, because her Daddy was over at his house visiting HIS Dad, ( my ex) . Things had been civil for quite a while). I opened the door to my pickup, took my Granddaughter out of her carpet, and set her on the side walk leading up to my ex's house. Like I said he drank a LOT, and suddenly I heard my Son yell from the porch "DAD!, what are youv doing!?" I tried to jump in my truck as fast as possible as he was running full out towards me. He slammed the truck door as hard as he could by hitting it. My lower legs had crush injuries to them across the shin bones. In shock I drove home, He had moved in 4 blocks away from our new house, and I knew then, he would always try to hurt me...he felt he owned me. This was insane. I sat with ice packs on my legs, and my new Husband wanted nothing more than to go shoot my ex's kneecaps. I told him he wasn't going to prison, his Kids, and Grandkids, and I needed him here.
Ironically, the idiot made the mistake of calling me, still slightly drunk, and started screaming and telling me about how next time he would make it worse ( Like that hadn't happened when we were previously married) .
Something just "clicked " in my brain. Like a switch being turned on or off. I simply yelled at him to " Shut UP! And then as calm as ever I told him ...if he EVER hurt me again, if he ever broke into my house again ( he'd done so 6
times AFTER I moved to a different house,because he insisted it was HIS house, and as long as our kids were living there he could come & go whenever he wanted) and like I stated before the Restraining Order meant nothing to him) I would shoot him dead. I told him I was DONE living in fear, he'd had 15 years of his sadistic fun with me, and I was "DONE!". Stunned silence on the other end of the line, then very quietly " Would you repeat that"? I said " Repeat what" ? The fact that I'm going to stop your abusing me one way or another? I think you heard me loud & clear the 1st time."
Years & years later? He still makes asinine comments at the Grandkids Graduations, and I just smile, and ignore him. He leaves me alone now.
Must've felt so good to take control. Although I wonder why other family members still tolerate him after witnessing what he did, why is he even being invited to graduations and the like?
@@anonymouse6703 Because he is their Father. I am Civil to him. He has gone through a lot of heavy crap in the last 30+ years.
Although, I'll never fully trust him again, He has mellowed ( except when he's drinking) a lot. Don't be fooled, I stay aware when he is around. If our grown children want to forgive him ( and he has done some pretty unforgivable things) and see him sometimes , then that's on them. They're free to choose, and make their own decisions. I will say, as of a year ago he had alienated every single child we had. He called ME wanting to know what was "wrong" with these kids. I talked to him and you'd him kindly, but firmly he was an alcoholic, and had some real issues. And, if he ever hoped to heal things with the kids he better get some help.
@@reneet5858 oh ok yes, that'd be the logical answer. I've had such toxic issues with my own family that at a young age, I made the decision to emotionally disconnect and leave them, and I forget sometimes that most people wouldn't cut their family ties like that. You sound like a very patient and empathetic person, and your kids and husband are lucky to have you :)
Nice work! I love stories like this. Not worrying about what the cops will do you you took control and flipped the script & That’s what they need.
Very sad. Amy must have been so terrified in those last moments of her life. Yes, laws need to somehow change. 💔
That is such a sad story. That poor woman.
Great recommendations for a conclusion.
Dr. Grande, I agree with others about the peachy shirt. It's a great colour!😊
This is so scary. I think she probably tried to reason with an unreasonable/unhinged man because of her profession at that event. Rest In Peace Amie.
Ps: you don’t own anyone anything especially an abusive stalker, you don’t have to give that person your time or energy because you feel “bad” for their upbringing
Such a sad situation and a great loss of a high quality person. Thank you for sharing the story, I didn't know everything about it good to know thanks
THE ONLY WAY A STALKER WILL STOP STALKING - WHEN ONE OF YOU IS DEAD. - Shelley
Thanks Shelley
Are you quoting yourself?
@@mengoinggodsway9024 I don’t think I can take anyone seriously named “heroes of social justice” with a gay Jewish flag pfp
As someone who was once stalked for nearly two years - this is terrifying.
Poor Miss Harwick, she sounded like a wonderful person.
She was so beautiful. Very sad.
What her looks gotta do with?
Makes me wonder how many people have just killed their stalker to end the fear. Like one day, they've just had enough, and decide to flip the dynamic. You have to figure it's happened at least a few times given the lack of protection provided by the law for stalking victims.
Thanks for this. I was stalked for 4 years and in my country at the time there were no laws to stop it. It was exhausting and terrifying. Thankfully it didn't end like this case. Poor Amy. As you say, she did everything in her power to protect herself.
Dr. Grande, I ALWAYS find your analyses of topics to be interesting. I appreciate you! 😍
A Smith & Wesson brand security system seemed to be in order.
Not everyone is able to face the reality of the need for lethal force. Getting to that realization is a process.
Smith & Wesson also invented the very first “point and click” interface.
Did you listen to the entire video? Dr. Grande addressed the point about getting a fire arm.
@@garmtpug Yes, and I know.
@@YTInnovativeSolution LOL! I'm stealing that one.
I wonder if FB stalking others is somehow less criminal? I would like to know why people do that?
Although:.
Some years ago one of my NHS colleagues met a girl, and their relationship although it lasted just a couple of years was not great. They always argued, he treated her terribly and he was unfaithful,
They split up and he could not leave her alone, he would come into work crying like a baby, He missed shifts we all hated it when he was in work because he shirked his job and behaved dreadfully.
His ex was admitted to the hospital where we worked, but not to our ward, we were accident and emergency and she was on an elective ward. I don't even know how he found out she was in!
It turns out he attacked her with a knife while she was on the ward, he was restrained, arrested and sectioned.
The lady in question survived. Just! She emigrated to get as far away from him as possible.
He is no longer working in healthcare but I heard he married some poor soul last year!
If women being physically stalked can't be helped we're in so much trouble when it comes to social media. It's so sad that your colleague emigrated in the end. :( :( :(
Bravo on emigration.
Bravo
Wow, someone married him? Could she have not known what he did to the lady in the hospital??
If you can find out where he lives and who he married. Inform the police via an anonymous system. Just in case he does something and it prevents things getting really bad. All you can do unfortunately.
Does anyone else think it’s an extreme irony that a stalker who feels he/she is “destined to be with” their target
will kill that person?
Well if the other person just can’t see that they’re meant to be, then that’s their fault and they deserve to be punished.
I’m being sarcastic but it shows stalking is about dominant on and ownership, not unrequited love.
No because it’s all about control. if I can’t have you nobody will.
homicide in their mind may represent the ultimate form of dominance over the victim
That's how nuts they are. No ability to think rationally! So scary!
No. I don't see irony - I just see a pathetically dysfunctional and inadequate little man extracting a horrific and total "revenge".
Thank you for always being so respectful.
I feel like stalker laws across the board are not taken seriously enough. I’m so sad she lost her life, especially when she was running out of ideas on how she was supposed to protect herself. She just wanted to live.
Dr. Grande the same could happen to anyone. I learned in a sociology course specific to what I was last studying in that men studying in a university or college program are being targeted with violence more often than men get attacked elsewhere too. Unfortunate that no one, like a policeman, took the time to tell Amie how to upgrade her locks and secure her balcony better. Like reinforcing balcony railings and installing a four [3 inch] screw strike plate box in both front and back door frames. New homes need that upgrade too. Monitoring systems and practicing mindfulness always during waking hours helps protect a person too.
This is a great comment. Many people like to take the responsibility off themselves & ask for cops (or other regulatory body) to do more… that thought process is a waste of time. Everybody needs to get their heads out of their phones and be mindful & aware. Look to the right and to the left & run from danger at the earliest signs of it…We should all be scanning our environments As an innate survival instinct…not because we live in fear, but because we’re too smart to assume somebody else will be doing it for us…
Thank you for your views and opinions on stalking. You are a fantastic doctor, I appreciate and admire your dedicated and insightful content.
Dr. Grande, please post more episodes. Quickly! My habit of listening to one of your episodes to help me fall asleep isn’t mitigating my insomnia!!!
This world is scary but it's even scarier when you're a woman. I always have to look behind me when I walk outside on my own due to my own personal stalker as well as an online stalker. Which is why I use this pfp and I'm actually not Korean. I hate living like I'm paranoid, but as women, you cannot let your guard down. Stay safe
Thanks so much Dr Grande, so eloquent and heartfelt. Amy should have been safe. It's wholly unacceptable and the law does need to change. Bless her and her loved ones, what a huge loss of someone who did so much good.
I called 911. 22 times...that's right twenty two!!
My phycopath phycotic dissaciotive depressed bipolar diagnosed ex husband kept coming after me breaking into my gated community
Getting arrested then released over and over...he broke into my house and tried to murder me...134 bruises burst eardrum broken ribs concision ...and only got 2 years...and he is a 3 time convicted felon already having served 2 ten year sentences which were covered up when I did a background check on him before marrying him. I met him from friends from my church. We dated for a year. I found out soon after he was a drug abuser and an alcoholic as well. I told him I was a professional and his staying up all night and loosing his job was not going to work for me and he then tried to murder me.
Since his release he has continued his stalking and I finally him arrested again when he
Followed me to a police station and waited outside of it when I went in. I brought the 22 police reports and the stay away order and my I d
I was calm and told the officers I needed them to arrest him. They said there nothing we can do unless he is right here following you
I then pointed him out in there parking lot next to my car. They ran his plates and indeed realized he had felony warrants out because if the 22 police reports and he had stopped going to his parole officer.
I have been able to finnaky sleep at night
I go to the court when asked with friends and family and many letters and photos of his crimes against me. Because he has money he has a private Attorney but no bail
He is looking at a 20 year sentence finnaly
I believe he would have murdered me if I had not had him finnaky put behind bars.
Very scary
Be careful who you date
Sorry 😟 you really are blessed to be alive. Hope they keep him in the whole 20.
Another great video Dr. Grande! Loving the peach color on you, it really suits you ☺️
You have interesting details that I hadn't heard. I just read that he "yelled" at her at the event, not that they spoke for 45 then 30 minutes. Yikes! Obviously, she thought that by being "nice" and talking to him, it might help. Unfortunately, it did not. He was a good-looking guy and could have easily found another love. Obsession is scary!
Even with insight It's hard for agreeable people to deal with narcissism in all sorts of ways, internal and external.
Maybe she was just trying to avoid triggering him and causing a scene? Who knows.
I would’ve call security to escort him out. If security ignores me, I’d call the police. I’d never talk to him because that’ll give a narcissist the impression that their tactic works or you’ve changed your mind about them.
"Another love!?" He never loved her!
i think they were on and off, it wasnt a typical stalker case as being shown.
Years ago, I met with my attorney to file a restraining order. My attorney asked me if the person carried a concealed weapons permit. I said, "yes." The attorney simply stated, "a piece of paper will not stop a bullet." Instead, it can anger this individual more, just knowing they have an obstacle to overcome.
The stalking got worse. My husband and I went to the police. The officer told us that the individual has every right to do what they were doing, until they caused us (or our daughters) harm.
Those comments have stayed with me and my husband. We moved away and live every day to the best of our abilities.
By living our life and being happy, we believe it creates more pain for the individual that was putting us through hell.
Good living is the best revenge. God bless you.!
A tragic case. I heard about it in passing, thanks to the Drew Carey connection. Glad to know more about it Dr. Grande.
So am wondering if you have heard of 'tapping,' or acupressure points, as a form of therapy? I read about it once in a book.
The one case that stayed with me was the one by a stalker. He said, he was stalking, knew he was, knew stalking was wrong, that if he did not stop he could be locked up. But just could not stop. Until a therapist tried acupressure points with him, and he stopped. He could not explain it, but was grateful. He said something along the lines of it ending, or releasing, his obsession with the poor woman.
Have you have heard of this type of thing? And do you think there is any truth to it?
Thanks.
EFT Emotional Freedom Technique “Tapping” an effective Therapy
Bless her sweet, giving heart! Such a devastating tragedy at a time when we need all of the truly good human beings we can get!
This case is a strong argument for concealed carrying a firearm, even in your own home.
Did you listen to it?
@justin Of course, Dr. Grande did address that topic. However, I wouldn't own a gun for a number of reasons. But let's say in Amie's case she was sleeping and he barged into her bedroom. What good would a gun do you if you're being overpowered and the gun is in the nightstand drawer out of sight, out of reach? I mean in a perfect world you might be actually in a position to have the gun in your hand. I just don't think that would be the likely scenario anyway.
This case is so tragic. The irony is not lost on me.😢Thank you for compassionate and informative analysis Dr Grande💛
Excellent another early Dr Grande video.
Move away and hide, get a bodyguard, or change your identity are some of the only options against domestic partner violence. It's hard to get the police to even acknowledge what's going on, particularly if you were in a marriage with your stalker. To the rest of the world, you are their property, women's liberation is behind the times on this subject. The courts should provide a bodyguard, offer to relocate people, and help them to change their identity.
I was stalked when I was in college, it is scary. I was in a major city, and I still did not feel safe, and my practical classes ran into 10:00 at night and he followed me home twice, one time I met him on my steps. I really wish they would change the laws surroundings stalking, it is incredibly disturbing
Dr. Grande's advice on public policy matters is some of the finest I've ever seen.
Harwick was so out of her killer's league. She was bright, beautiful, very educated and financially stable, even if Drew Carey said she had some difficulties. May she RIP.
I have never been a stalking victim and don't think it's likely that I ever would be. However, I heard what steps Amie took (by the way I am a Pepperdine MBA and also lived in both Hollywood and W. Hollywood.) I think prayer is in order as well. So among other prayers, I do pray the Auxilium Christianorum daily followed by the prayers for the Society of the Most Sorrowful Mother. I also pray to my Guardian Angel night and day.
Jesus I place my Trust in Thee.
When I see a criminal case , I come here to listen DR Todd Grande, he always explain the cse , PERFECTLY AND IN DETAIL, BIG THANKS DR.
It's a very sad situation.
I can't imagine being stalked.
Thank you.
My friend also felt like she could be violated at any random moment, her ex stalked her for years and years, driving up next to her on the freeway, getting into her apartment. Years of harassment, threats and burglary. Protection order worthless. Police could only pick up the guy and release him, multiple times. Never killed her, just her ability to relax.
I think Dr. Grande should be working with the legislature on this and many other issues. If they listen to him, we'd certainly be living in a more just society.
Unfortunately money seems to be more powerful than reason in the government. Hopefully doc has some fat stacks hidden away
@@ToyotaGuy1971 you made a claim. Now state your reasons. My reason is that he is very very very very thoughtful. Given the current economic and psychological situation in our country, it’s safe the say that the legislators failing. You already know what the stats look like. So, please state your reasons.
In my opinion, the mental health effects on victims of stalking and continuous harassment are underestimated by courts and society in general.
I've seen it happen to good friends of mine. The emotional scarring and fear that it instils in a person can last for years.
Someone make a compilation of every "Hello, this is Dr. Grande"
It'd be cool to see all his shirt colors in the compilation.
Dr Grande have you ever done Courtney love? I’d love to hear what you have to say about her
That would be a good one. Yes!
Her mom is a therapist and wrote a book about her too
@@missmerbear I met her grandmother and saw her once at an event in Seattle in the early 90's. Smelled her expensive perfume first and knew there was someone very rich in a room full of punk kids.
4-5 generations of maternal abandonment,but intelligent women.
The rumor is she is Marlon Brando's daughter. Read the wiki entry for Paula Fox.
@@BaronSaturday66 Well we can only wait and hope I guess.
Your right, that would be interesting👍✌️👍 She is a smart woman in a weird establishment.
Seems like the onus should be on stalker. Lock them up and make those consequences clear. Put them on parole and the minute they are within a 100 yards of their target, throw them back into jail.
I’ve been catching up on the videos with Dr. Grande this am, I truly can say, many of the ones lives that were taken to soon can really, truly, help so many with red flags, and so much awareness. I’d absolutely love to see Dr. Grande do a video to help so many, being stocked is very scary. We need many ones to bring awareness on saving lives. I always carry away much safety, & I always share with others.
i have no doubt her stalker being there was no coincidence
You are an advocate for people who are victims who are being harassed. Great opinions!!
Put a tracking device on all stalkers. If they try something a small explosive attached to the devise could be set off.
Linus l think you're onto something there.
loooool half of NYC would go up in flames
@@jayuhoo4806lol
Stalking needs to be taken much more seriously with harsher legal consequences. It is terrorism. Also, taking out a restraining order against the stalker often times escalates the danger. This guy was stalking this woman for a decade. Terrifying.
Excellent as always. . . Thank you Dr. Grande❕💛
Your Analysis's are Outstanding and Sooo Remarkable Dr.!! I Enjoy Them Sooo Much!! Thank You as Always!!!
Thanks for your analysis Doctor. What I don't understand is why she did not file charges against him for assault. He would have gotten some jail time wouldn't he ? I also think the only protection against a maniac like this is a gun.
Your content is always interesting. Thank you for providing this content.
It seems at least ten people are pro-stalker and have given "thumbs down" to this video.
@@ToyotaGuy1971 Thank you for your witless comment, "ToyotaGuy," but you seem to not know the definition of "hypocrite," given the fact that you have so grossly misused it in this case. You also seem to not understand what "projection" is, and you seem driven to insult perfect strangers on the Internet for no reason. You need better hobbies.
We now have 47 that are pro stalkers. 🙄
@@nansi113 That's true. My comment was knee-jerk and overly snarky.
There is literally someone in another thread blaming the victim and saying Amie was the narcissist and the murderer was the victim. Seriously.
Dear Dr G, great new shirt. Tragic ending with Harwick's death, of a talented and exceptional woman. Pity she did not up the security - big time. I take no chances. Steel bars over all ground floor windows, deadlocks and high megapixel camera's = so far so good.
Stalking in the UK is now often treated with far more severity. Once reported to the police, they tend to act fast.
Here, we also have ‘Clare’s Law’;
a domestic violence disclosure scheme which allows a person (who has genuine concerns about their partner) to know the criminal background of their spouse/partner.
It’s a scheme that I feel should be more widely known and definitely passed in other countries too.
I really appreciate you taking time to speak thoughtfully about the inadequacies of solutions for people who are being stalked. It is exhausting to be in that position and it seems we always end up discussing all the things that WEREN'T done to protect the victim. And by then it's too late, as you mentioned. I do hope we see some changes in the amount of protection available. I'm at a loss for what exactly that would look like, but of course that's precisely why it so often happens that stalking victims are under protected. We can't seem to come up with The Solution on this issue.
Life in prison, or death sentence would do. Or be sent to mental asylum. But I guess laws, justice system cater criminals
I thought Neanderthals were extinct. I feel so sad and sorry for Amie. Living in terror would be terrible. Dying a violent death is worse.
Neanderthals where not evil.
My DNA is 3% Neanderthal, and so far I have kept the murders to zero.
Homo sapiens have been far more violent in terms of killing our own species and others than Homo neanderthalensis
Homo sapiens might have wiped them out.
@@earlmcearl1244 This seems to be the case. We were the aggressors and dominated that species.
Another excellent analysis, Dr Grande. Thank you for making this video.
If this doesn’t convince you to stop texting your ex, idk what will haha
umm idk, maybe the last video Dr. Grande did where the lady fell in love with the guy who randomly stabbed a dude that was dancing with her. Guy stabbed a random dude then wrote to her from prison till she came to pick him up and have sex.
Excellent coverage of this murder. You are aware how dangerous ‘stalking’ behavior is. 🤔😢
Ironically, I got an ad for male dating advice- specifically for when she appears to lose interest: 'Breaking Those 'Nice Guy' Habits'.
Wow
It is true, lots of women prefer "bad" and dangerous men. Evolutionarily this signals to women that the man is a risk taker and probably has a high testosterone level. In reality most women cannot see past physical attractiveness and their own social conditioning
Jeeze
@@earlmcearl1244 ...Great Point📌
@@earlmcearl1244 sounds like incel ideology 🤨
A restraining order rarely works if someone wants to hurt you. This poor intelligent woman who should be the last person that stalkers go after but then she was beautiful. But if a woman has to be out and about in her job, then what can she do. I think he could have stalked someone else during that one time he didn't bother her I wander if she had security at her home?. I have heard that many police don't think these things are a priority but a waste of time. Another sad story and thanks Dr Todd for this podcast. I was a little preoccupied with your shirt, nice color.😁❤️🇨🇦❤️
You’re right. The person with the least to lose usually is in a higher position… Silly pieces of paper served by law enforcement won’t mean much to them…i thought In most states if cops are called for domestic violence than an arrest is going to be made? In my stare, If you file a restraining order, then the cops have to present the order to the perpetrator by hand. If the cops are not able to find perpetrator then the “protection” isn’t in place. I’ve Heard of them being effective in some cases but agree more systems should be in place for proactive protection.
We don’t need new laws for a lot of things in the US but we definitely need more protection against stalking! 🥺😰 Horrible case. Excellent video Dr. Grande!! 💕👍🏼💕
Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic.
Thanks you!
Stalking itself should be a criminal offence. Unfortunately stalking and other sorts of intimidation that abusive partners (current or ex) choose to do seems to be mostly legal. The effects can be terrible for the victim.
Exactly. We’re also getting stalked by Apple, Google, CZcams, & cameras in highways, stores, etc. etc.… cameras everywhere. If you file an insurance claim it’s legal for adjusters stalk you to make sure you’re not doing anything You say you can’t do. Everyone’s acting like they’re in a Third World mob. It’s unbelievable that all of this is allowed to happen. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That is so terrifying and disheartening that she did everything a rational person would or could do to protect herself from this stalker but it still did not work!!! I like that version in Scotland some commenter stated that if there are at least two instances of stalking behavior, the stalker gets arrested. It is terrible that it is obvious to everyone that some person has bad intentions but the police won't do anything until you have been attacked?