She Cheated On Me and Thats Not All - Dr. Aria | E56
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- čas přidán 14. 05. 2024
- The topics we talk about in this weeks episode titled - 'She Cheated On Me and Thats Not All - with Dr. Aria':
0:00 Intro
1:10 The Story
14:19 Processing the emotions
41:19 Adapting my opinion of marriage and monogamy
01:00:04 How I Lost an intrinsic part of who I was
01:07:57 My Ideal relationship structure
01:23:00 Why unhappiness stems from conformity
01:40:42 Outro
Listen on:
Spotify - open.spotify.com/episode/3ZqN...
Apple Podcast - podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast...
My book pre-order:
(UK, US, AUS, NZ Link) - hyperurl.co/xenkw2
(EU & Rest of the World Link) www.bookdepository.com/Happy-...
Special thanks to my good friend Dr. Aria, you can find him at:
Instagram - @dr._aria
Website - dr-aria.com
Sponsor - uk.huel.com/
This video helped me more than anything: I caught the woman I thought was the absolute love of my life in bed with another man on the most important day of my life (my last chance for medical school exams). She had lied to me for weeks, saying this guy was just a friend and nothing else. I was devastated, my whole life was falling apart, and nothing was going to motivate me for the upcoming exams (in 2 days).
Thanks a lot, really.
UPDATE after 6 month : I did it ! The past few months have been the worst of my life, but I didn't give up, and I did amazingly well on my exams ! I'm going to be a doctor ;)
Sorry to hear this. Will you do the exams again?
Don't let anyone de-rail you from your studies. The fact she's done this to you shows the kind of person she is. It hurts now but at least you seen her true face now rather than later on in marriage. Study hard and when you pass that exam and when she sees that she didn't stop you from being successful she'll be like " wow he didn't care" . I graduated several years ago (also from medicine) and I had someone try to do this to me also. The way I thought was "Will I be more upset if i didn't try to sit my exams at all because of this cheater or than if I at least try to do my best." When you try your best , you'll feel better. When you pass you're exams you'll be filled with pride that you overcame this situation plus you might meet someone else like minded. I am very sorry to read this . Anyone who cheats doesn't respect you or themselves for that matter - you're better off without that
@@renn3014 Thanks a lot for your kind words ! Don't worry, I'm not going to let her ruin my life 😄 It was a really tough first month, but I'm getting trying to get back on track ! Wish you the best, you seem to be a really compassionate person 😁
Nayel,
You are clearly a smart guy who has a lot to offer.
You don’t need a woman in your life to be successful & happy but I’m sure eventually you will find one who is loyal and true to you.
You deserve love & respect.
What you DON’T deserve is a cheater!!!
Good riddance!!! 👍
@@stacysnider4899 Your words warmed my heart, thank you so much!
I am slowly recovering, and I am starting to fully realize that I was lucky to see what I saw, as painful as it was!
I was supposed to marry her in a few months, I really dogged a bullet!
The fact that she did this to me during my exams (while I actively helped her pass hers last year) still sticks in my craw, but I have no choice but to work even harder to fix it!
I know that one day, I'll I will be happy and proud to have gone through what I went through.
Thanks again, sincerely!
What I appreciate more than anything about this video is men discussing their deepest emotions so unapologetically, without holding back. Society mostly shames men for talking about their feelings, thought processes and the way they handle grief. This is so healthy and refreshing.
It’s so attractive to me! This woman didn’t deserve him.. and he still cares about HER feelings 🥺
@@user-xv1kp6qf7h exactly!
I think it’s mainly men who shame men
Attractive and healthy to see from the outside. Women want men that they can come to with their problems to fix them. Women don't want to hear about their partners problems. Yes occassionally is okay but eventually they lose respect for the man and then the relationship train takes a detour, next stop, she'll be bored with him.
It’s not about going to them with Your problems , I almost never want a solution from my male partner when I am complaining about my problems, I usually just want to vent and be validated in my feelings. And I’m fine to listen to his problems
So long as it’s balanced. But the whole point of why this is attractive is the ability to communicate & not being emotionally unavailable @@themaharaniscloset
This guy is an empath. We need more guys like him in this world. ❤
Only if we have a society that stops encouraging bad women.
This guy is an empath? This guy is a human being. Let's normalize empathy! A healthy human being has the capacity for empathy.
Should have learned sooner.
I think society, and sometimes family, pushes young people into idealistic relationships too much. We can't find our happiness in another person. It's a hard lesson. This man learned that a robust sense of self is very important and that marriage is not universal.
No I would have went scorched earth
This man is incredibly attractive and desirable (in all ways)....A totally precious man you would NEVER want to lose. What a powerhouse of a man....
Well he may well be exactly what you want. A man who hasn't decided that monogamy is right for him. A man who is unsure of children. Is this the man you want to share some of your life (as he is not committed) and have children with?
U sound easy
@@mandrews1245nah women say they want this but don’t not long term lol
@@mandrews1245I’m a 48 yo married woman of almost 30 years and mother to 14 children. I’m a stay at home mom, former single mother. My husband adopted my oldest son who was abandoned by his biological father. My husband showed me what a real man is and he’s the only man I trust with my life. I’d follow him into a burning building 😂 When he asked me to marry him he was very clear about what he wanted and he was only 20 years old. He said he wanted me to stay home to raise the children and he’d work so I would never have to. He’s a hard worker and has given us a life of security, liberty and comfort. I’d never betray him in anyway. Every time I hear these weak men who are so unsure of themselves or what they want, I am even more grateful for my husband who is the absolute most solid, trustworthy, intelligent person I know.
@@user-nk2ub1hd2pI'm 60 years old now and I can promise you this is what I wanted in a man. I have never found it.
"The memory without the emotional charge is called wisdom". This man embodies that
I disagree. I think the memory is the event but your calm reflection and analysis is what brings the wisdom
Crap! Application is key ( e.g no growth or better course plotted & taken) it’s all fragility if otherwise.
A past which one cannot change, is a burdensome weight of grief that only a self-pitying fool carries with him/her, and in the eventual moment he/she realises this truth, acknowledges how much of a fool he/she has been for carrying someone else's problem for so long and wasting so much of their own life dwelling in sadness for what is unchangeable.
Painful story. My wife did the same. After our second child, she went distant, shucked all responsibilities in the household, the marriage, and in the bed room. She ended up filing a false PFA and the police removed me from my own home and I ended up in the county prison. She moves her lover from work into our home and I end up fighting for my very existence. All of the custody evaluations and court proceedings found that there was never any abuse buy me, as claimed by her. Yet the damage was done. It has changed the course of my life for sure, however worse...it has absolutely destroyed the life of my oldest son. Him and I were super close and all of this shredded his sense of security .Today, he is functional, but barely. The life he leads is heart breaking for me to see. The point I am making is this, an adult can regroup after this kind of trauma, but a child...YOUR CHILD....will be scared for life by this. Nothing is worth that....nothing. Please think of your children before you impact their life in such a horrific way.
So sorry this happened to you
I don't even know how to fathom the horror and pain you had dealt with and still deal with. I'm very sorry truly..
Good God! I'm praying for you and your boy. Stay strong.
The power of healing yourself and prayers will get through all of this. Seek professional help if you need to and share this process with your oldest son. Although it didn't work out please don't let her have this power over you. Enjoy your life and move forward. ❤
May God give you and your son healing from all the trauma
As someone who’s dad cheated on my mum, it’s actually very healing to hear men discuss their cheating wounds. Not because I want men to get cheated on, but to see that there are men who are loyal, and who get blindsided while in love too. I went through a phase where I felt very distrustful of men because I’d been dating ones that echoed my dad’s behaviour, but now I’ve found the one. ❤ I hope he does too.
Still waiting for a woman to condemn another woman. It's hard when women NEVER lie cheat or do any wrong
@@Pamanudavy-qz1vxsometimes they actually do cheat for the same reasons .
He admits that he “placed her emotional happiness” above his and that provides a key to why she felt comfortable cheating on him, stringing him along and then dumping him when she felt ready. “We teach others how to treat us every time we interact with them”
Marriage is about sacrificing for each other he just so happened he got on with an undeserving woman
Aha. I was just wondering how his ex-wife could cheat on a husband who loves her more than himself! Thanks for the insight 👍
Yep, after he finds out she cheated his first concern his for her well being. What a simp, she lost all respect for him long prior.
Thank you! I listened to this interview waiting for him to take a little responsibility for what happened and he refused to hold himself accountable. Instead he tried to excuse her despicable behavior by questioning the concept of monogamy.
Monogamy works, there are lots of people who have cultivated the discipline to commit to one person for the rest of their lives and even if they couldn't, they respected their partners enough to break a relationship before moving on to someone else.
Dr Aria needs Therapy, he isn't healed in my opinion and he hasn't done enough introspection. He needs to explore why and how he chose such a morally bankrupt partner. Why was he attracted to such a woman? I believe people who are this selfish (his ex-wife) display these traits early in the relationship. He is still making excuses for this woman and he isn't confronting that part of himself that needs to change in order to pick a better partner in future.
I too have been cheated on and I had to take personal responsibility for the part I played in my pain. I chose unwisely and allowed myself to be disrespected.
@@uzoo7581 agreed 💯%.
He deserves to be utterly treasured and adored. What a man. What a human being.
I totally agree! I wish our sons could express their feelings like this young man. He seems like a wonderful young man!! 💙
She cheated on him bc he treated her too well and that caused her to see him as a beta male. Very sad but true
@@yunque30gmail as you write, very sad, but true!
@yunque30gmail Yea, can see your point. He lost his edge. Same thing happens when relationships get too comfortable and static. No one should cheat imo, but we cannot ignore that it still happens and the reasons for it.
Well said, I believe he is ! ❤by us and his creator!!!❤❤❤😊
I know a man like that, his wife cheated on him and he dedicated his life to his 3 kids. I respect him so much, he is my hero. He is still single at 70. It happened 40 years ago.
His kids are all grown and doing very well, and they appreciate his sacrifice.
I’m currently going through what this man did. I’m in my 40’s and I have 2 kids. My friends say lean on them and never get married again. I had the perfect life and there was no reason for all this. 😢
Are you going to condemn the woman or question if she "had her reasons" ? I notice when a woman's cheated on there is hate at the man, but the other way round, either questions about what he did wrong or sympathy for him but nothing negative about the woman
prob how will end up :(
when i found out i was working 2 jobs suit tie in day as sales rep and UPS night shift, she fell asleep and i saw her phone i remember going blank think my mind shit down, i went def , driving off to work in silence when i got to my shift i realized i was in a suite and tie ..
At the half way mark, these 2 people are only talking craziness.
I felt the same 90% sadness 10% anger when I found out that my wife cheated on me. My first thought was: How could she do it to our 2 children (10 & 5)? I was so disappointed with her. It was the sadest day in my life😭
That is awful. I am really sorry. That is one of my biggest fears. The most disappointing thing is that it is so easy to just say no. While it's normal to have attraction to people, it's not normal to cheat. All people have to do is put up that boundary and say no.
I let my wife take advantage of my love for her, and she wrecked me. The anger comes from asymmetric power and morals. She had the power and hates God, I had no power and love God. She considers herself to be polyamorous, and asked me to help out her friend by letting him move in with us. I was lied to and used by everyone involved. From her perspective she was just trying to be herself and just allowing her impulses to take over. She was tired of trying to change my nature and morals, but didn't want to hurt me in confrontation, so she kept it on the down low.
Thats even worse, so everyone around you was "in on it"?@@jamestunedflat8942
@@jamestunedflat8942well there u go, never be unequally yoked, plus if she hates God she’s probably a reprobate.
Our sins covers a multitude. People are always considering what feels good to them, rather than the greater commitments to the Great Observer, the heavenly host, our families, our friends, and the hurt, brokenness, sadness, jaded joy we may have caused others to experience is actually greater than the smallest part of us (60 second organisms).
Wow, such a genuine compassionate man. He's been betrayed, hurt, absolutely heartbroken, yet he still had compassion for the person that done this to him. Whoever ends up with this guy, is going to be one lucky lady. He deserves the best. Good luck to him ❤❤❤
Hi. Are you going to say anything about the woman who cheated on him? I notice whenever a man suffers at the hands of a woman other women will ask questions rather than condemn the woman- they seem to lack the ability to accept fault or have accountability
@@schnarf5i was thinking the exact same thing.
@@schnarf5 what's the point of trash talking about her? I think it's a safe guess that nobody has positive thoughts about the woman, based on what we heard here. Why would we need to go out of our way to say them out loud, when it's obvious? Even if it wasn't obvious, what does it change about the fact that the guy is awesome?
I know it's hard to do and I fail to do often as well, but the best thing we can do is try not to judge others. For our own sake, it makes life a lot better.
@@schnarf5 why would other women need to be accountable or accept fault for what that woman did?
Because women are the ones who enable this kind of behavior amongst other women@@cathwalsh9921
Some people truly don't appreciate what they have.... what a lovely, kind sincere man. I pray he finds a new partner who appreciates him ❤
Messed up people get bored pretty easily with good genuine people
@@kellazephirin4245 This. Good healthy and normal are 'boring' nowadays. People want to ride the emotional whirlwind
We should not judge things we don't know, people are complex, people feelings change, there could be so many reasons we don't understand. He does not blame her, I won't do it either
So true ❤
You‘d have to hear her side of the story to judge. And even after having heard both sides of the story, you‘d likely only know a fraction of what lead to their breakup. Everyone is so focused on her choosing a new partner. She obviously had her reasons and she has the right to move on. He clearly had to learn this and even mentioned in the interview that he had to come to grips with the fact that he didn’t own her. This hard experience may have turned him into a better person. You don’t know.
The sadness is that so many of us wish we had such an amazing man. And another woman so carelessly never knew what she lost
Did you listen to the podcast? He expounds on exactly what killed the desire. Once desire leaves, it’s tough to rebuild without tremendous introspection on both parts. We don’t know ourselves enough, nor do we have the relational insight when things are dying. He said it very well.
And now she has someone better.
@@Christina-oq4tdthe point I made is that you don't realize that relationships like that are worth fighting for. Something you don't realize until later
He new man may well be better than the old. Don’t think can say she lost an amazing guy if don’t know her new man.
you cannot presume what she needed in the relationship. Likely she was not getting it and could not get it - our emotions are complicated things. She clearly needed something different. Its life... move one. Well done sir, its not the end of the world but a very enlightening experience.
betrayal by a spouse or direct family member is something you will never get over
you can and will go on, but that pure trust you were able to feel is forever gone. I wish this man good luck in finding a good woman
Yes family matters extremely traumatic...no real ending for the loss of trust
I agree, betrayal changes you permanently
My own sister slept with my boy friend. Here two people cheated on me.
Pure trust should never exist in the first place, you never know what someone might do, not even yourself.
You just put some trust in some people and hope for the best, knowing very well they might screw you over.
It is terrible to be betrayed, so painful, such a lack of disrespect makes one a harder person which is sad.
What I absolutely love about this pod cast channel is that no matter what subject being discussed on a male or female experience, the culture is that it delivers situations and subjects for both Male and Females to be able to listen to, consider. It really hits the heights of the birthing new conscious on this planet. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It’s very rare to hear real male emotion. There’s no space for it. It’s privilege to share this and I hope he finds peace.
rare! its not rare at all. Its ignored and not part of any soap story. Modern man is suffering for our ancesters underdevelopment's like a mental unconscious REPARATION .
My worst heartbreak turned out to be the BEST thing that happened to me.
Think of it as Redirection and not Rejection.
Same here. My ex-husband initially didn't cheat. He just thought we should both date. I thought that was a stupid idea.
20 years later, I'm married to the best man I've ever known and we've built a wonderful life together. I've experienced so many places and things that I never would have had I stayed married. I was angry and it was so painful at the time but he did me the biggest favor anyone ever has and I thank him.
I am starting to think my husband’s 2 yr affair woke me up and now I’m ready to live my life … he says he made a mistake and wants to work on our marriage and I am willing to try but even if after individual and couples therapy we cannot reconcile I know I will be ok … I feel like I found myself again after being lost for many years … I am focussing on me for the first time in decades and rediscovering what I want in my life … we have been together 35 yrs and I want to see if our love and connection can be rekindled but if it can’t I know I will be ok 👍👍👍
You cannot trust someone who has been unfaithful and disrespectful @@stephanie579
I’m so sorry Steven. I can’t even imagine hurting anybodys heart like that. I do have to say it happened to me after 23 years of marriage and I never cheated. I was hurt deeply. I never saw it coming 😢 But I’m doing good now.
Same here only after 22 years. Many humans are quite pathetic when it comes to maintaining connection.
Some people are so selfish that their pleasure is their priority. Loyalty and a promise given means nothing. The one who has decided it all meant nothing.
She will have no quams about doing the same again to her new man.
What kind of man is he? If he knew she was married, he was treating her like a tart, so they are suited, and neither can ever be trusted again. This man just dodged a bullet, so be grateful you didn't have a child with her.
❤🦋✨️🙏
Thank you for this…the day after my ex husband moved out 6 yrs ago I remember clearly thinking sitting in church “I’m going to deal with this with integrity”…it’s east to fall in a state of victimhood but I was surprisingly conscious when I would slip. I’m so grateful to have all of this wisdom available online to help us all heal 💞
What a lovely, honourable man. I hope he has moved on in a wholesome manner. The world is richer because of amazing souls like this young man.
I found myself nodding in agreement so much during this podcast. My reaction to my ex-husband's infidelity was pretty much the same - the sense of loss of the relationship and the hopes for our future together being destroyed. He only admitted his affair (which he had previously denied) when his mistress became pregnant. I was fifty years old at the time and we had three teenage children - I was more concerned how it would affect them. My faith was crucial to feeling I would get through it although my self-esteem was diminished by the betrayal. I came to believe that just because I was not loved by him, I was not unlovable.
I hope and pray that this lovely man will find the real love of his life.
Stay strong. You will get through it x
Hi, I was 46, my husband also only told me when his girlfriend and work colleague was pregnant. He swiftly moved out to begin his new life.
I was left with our 2 teenagers and our 8 year old, the feeling of loss was similar. I lost half my family, his relatives as there was real bitterness occurring. We had to sell our house, and lost our early retirement and future plans for some land we owned. We did have a lovely life together but he was suffering a midlife panic!
Our now grown up children were affected, it was so big a betrayal and a huge shock. He also had a personality change that was strange.
We did get through it and have a different life now but our family was fractured. 😢
Stay strong and yes you are loveable……his loss was to not realise that
Ditto. My first husband I were 34 when he had a long affair with, and impregnated, his subordinate co-worker (whose husband also worked there and was aware of the affair). Fortunately, he and I did not have kids together during our 11 year marriage. I handled the divorce process very similarly. Looking back 20 years later now, I believe my life has been much better than it would have been had we stayed together. Some blessings do not come in pretty packages.
@@DawnMLaPointe "some blessings do not come in pretty packages!" 🙌👍
Wow! Mind blown.
He exemplifies what he stands for. Calm, cool, collected with his integrity intact. He did his work.
Wishing you the best.
I need to listen to this video multiple times. Thank you so much for this interview. This is going to be my first time joining a paid membership for a podcaster on CZcams.
You're so welcome! Really glad the show resonated with you! Team DOAC ❤️
Betrayal is something you always carry with you. It’s painful and the worst thing a spouse can do in a marriage.
Do you truly get over it ever !
@@user-yu8zj9lf7e Nope, that’s why it’s the worst.
If screwing around is the worst thing a spouse can do, then you have led a sheltered life. I'd say verbal and emotion abuse which robs the person of their self-worth is the most difficult thing that a person can experience. Many marriages survive sexual betrayal, although most often it is the male doing the betraying. Yes, you do get over it.... you move on. You do learn to trust again, maybe that person, or another, but you do get over it. Otherwise, you have never learned and matured from any painful experience.
no, sexual betrayal is definitely the worst@@mandrews1245
Dr Aria is a beautiful, intelligent man and it's just heartbreaking that this happened to him. You can tell by the way he told the story that he really loved his wife. I really hope that he does not lose trust in women after this experience and finds a woman with who he can build a meaningful, deep, sensual relationship in the future.
You are right, but these things nowadays happen to a lot of people. It's not a heartbreaking thing, but it's life. Humans are made this way. Only a few are faithful. Ive been cheated on by all men, same happened to all my female friends. But I know there are also a lot of female cheaters out there.
@@thevcountdown9824 I don't know if this will be liked or not...but the reason this is happening to a lot of people is popular media. The way they are normalising this by stupid excuses.
I appreciate your concern but let me tell you something and God I hope I'm wrong, he WON'T EVER TRUST ANY WOMAN after what happened to him. It's always going to be instinctive for him. He may put on a show and might even fool the other person but it's always going to be there in the back of his head. He won't ever be vulnerable because now he knows better. We as viewers can't really say what might have driven her to do such a horrible thing. If something isn't working out you should always have conversations and end it as a last resort but cheating really has no place. It destroys lives and drives people a downward spiral of never ending unhappiness. I feel sad for him I really do. We can only speculate but some people really don't deserve what happens to them. It's just not fair. It never is
Don’t worry about him too much ladies. Thousands of women suffer terribly every day for the same reasons. He is a man, when he feels better, dozens of women will want to make him feel,better. My daughter is his age, she has been in sincere love three times, she’s been cheated on three times……and she has to,keep,going…..
@@thevcountdown9824 it never ceases to be heartbreaking. Unless you've hardened your heart which won't help with the next man in your life.
I adore so many comments others have already made. I can’t help but think about Dr. Aria’s higher purpose in this world. In the work that he does - perhaps he was meant to go through this heart wrenching journey to help others in ways that he was not capable of helping as deeply as he wanted to because he hadn’t experienced the ultimate act of betrayal. As he continues his journey of healing himself I have a strong feeling that he will help more people in their healing journeys more then he ever fathomed possible. Dear Lord, please continue to help heal this incredible man.
🙏✨️🦋
I agree! Sometimes the crappiest times are the time you have the biggest learning moments.
He is absolutely a beautiful person and soul. This episode should be seen by every 18 year old.
This conversation took my breath away, so vulnerable . I am a year out of my husband walking out of a 36 year marriage, I hope I have been as graceful as Dr ARIA. My journey this past year has been similar. Much love to him going forward.
So sorry 😢
life just changes overnight …..
Me too
I love how he is not afraid to express his emotions and how he felt. Our young men don’t get told to do this enough
Men have been told to be sensitive and share their feelings for at least the 35 years that I've been observing such things. Frequently it doesn't lead to good results if the person they are sharing with isn't extremely mature and have their best interests at heart.
Just so nice to hear guys talk real emotions. And have a great time talking about it, good, bad, clever and real. Never heard Steve engage so much. Loved it in this context of two guys trying to figure relationship stuff out.
Thank You Steven he is a fabulous guest!!! A most honorable gentleman 🎉❤
This is why you have millions more subscribers than any manosphere bs. This is the epitome of masculinitiy. I went into watching this very skeptical from the title. I'm glad I looked past my own ego. ❤
I have lived a similar story, lost my wife, my home, my car and then had to put my dogs down due to old age and illness.....the overwhelming feeling was sadness and loss. 2 years on...it’s still hard. But maybe there is still a path for me to walk. Very inspirational, thank you 🙏🏼 xx
Hope it's going well for you 10 months on. There's always a path...
Hope that you're OK and that things are working out for you
Sending you positive vibes
I have lived through that too. Nearly 15 years ago, on our 25th anniversary, my husband told me that he is leaving me for someone he met online. Sense of loss n sadness is still felt today.
How soul crushing.
It's not only sad that she destroyed her own marriage but now she has destroyed the way he potentially thinks of marriages and manogamy at the same time. He seemed like he was totally happy to be faithful and married to the same person his whole life and it was her with the issues. It was only after she shattered him into a million pieces that he started to look for all kinds of different answers to questions in an effort to make sense of what happened to him. When you've been broken/betrayed like that your mind searches all sorts of things as the "reason" when sadly the person who did all the damage walks away and leaves you to deal with the disaster that their horrible decisions put in your life. I hope he meets someone that restores his trust in marriage and that he'll live a happy life with someone amazing.
Quite often Domestic Violence is the reason why.
If something goes wrong I look first at myself and ask 'what am I doing wrong'...
That was in 1985
The rest is History
But in my case the c... deserved it.
Ohh yes police heard it all
Convicted of Domestic Abuse
[she] has destroyed the way he potentially thinks of marriages and manogamy at the same time.... ALL cheaters do this to their victims
Amazing how many shifty people are out there that do things like this.
That is precisely what I realized as soon he started talking is so sad what these kinds of people do to their victims.
he went trough the process and reflected on his believes he had in this relationship. now its over he can go a different path and change his believes, it does not mean his ex-wife shattered his believe in marriage. You are all too fixated on marriage. marriage does not mean happy life or being with someone, he did it for himself.
I am a woman and I grew up in the world of my parents cheating and how debilitating it is. I have never really been in a 100 % relationship or marriages . It follows you through life. This brought emotions up for me. You never really heal from it. I loved my father more than anything and he died when I was 12 and that left me feeling empty, but somehow you pick up the pieces and go on and realize we are here having these experiences. This is part of our souls growth and how do you navigate through life with wounds, but to be able to ever trust again. But it has happened over and over. So now I spend a lot of time alone. You are safe there. You deal with insecurity, but that’s what makes you stronger.
His ex wife took an immense loss, she obviously didn’t see or couldn’t appreciate what she had. Then again, that was probably her own path and his as well - to go through this. This guy is what many aware and awake women wish for in their lives. On top of it he’s cute! 🥰
No women appreciate what they have. They live on chaos and excitement.
@@user-wq5ws1qs7x I wouldn’t categorize women in any absolutes. Many women may be like that, definitely not all women. Just like not all men are jerks, but many are.
We don't really know what their relationship was like and how they were growing apart and why.
@@charliemilroy6497 true, but that doesn’t mean you can cheat.
@@user-wq5ws1qs7x Yes, but people who get cheated on often just claim to be victims without taking any responsibility for their part in the breakdown of the relationship.
Massive respect to this man! After 12.5 years in the biggest relationship in my life I went through a similar thing without the baby… and all the emotions and turmoil explained here and most importantly the SAME type of recovery… “I Release You” was my closure statement and I realised why people do what they do has nothing to do with my faults or lacking… now I’m working on releasing ME from the programming that was “myself” and that to me is the superman level 💪🏽💪🏽 I’m doing ok even when I’m not ok… best life lessons have been endings!
so mature.. hope you're doing okay Superman!💪
Gwaaan superman!!
I disagree that’s shirking personal responsibility. If you kept things interesting and exciting inside and outside the bedroom and held the correct masculine frame, looked after yourself physically by training and even fight training, alongside constant self improvement across various other aspects such as better your financial position they’d likely not have done it. Do you genuinely believe that would have happened if you looked ripped, we’re earning good money, blew her away in the bedroom, come on mate your lying to yourself. Take responsibility.
@@tommygbaby9830lol
After hearing this deep conversation, I am definitely joining and will contribute to this podcast. As a man who experienced this, I realized how much this has helped me personally. Thank you Steven and Dr. Aria
I can relate to it, too. Believe me, I got divorced during my burnout syndrom, we signed the papers, she went to the new guy behind my back already, now is married again and has 2 kids. After signing, my father had an accident and was in a coma half a year, my mother fell into a depression, I lost my job also and had to pay the leasing rate for 2 cars, one was from my ex wife. She got a new car afterwards, had a great job because I helped her financially and doing home works with her studies for years. She left me during a really hard time. And I'm still standing. Getting to know a lot of new people and passions, building new businesses, kissing and other stuff with wonderful women etc. but still looking for my next wife. But it took time to get to this level again - those 2 years after the divorce were the darkest and loneliest time of my life. But there's a light - you need to fight through it.
Only just seen this video. I am 48 years married , so have a little hindsight. I listened and learned so much from you both .I only wish that all young people had the opportunity to hear your discussion before they making relationship/ life decisions. I have ridden the ‘wild stallion’ of marriage with someone who was obsessionally concerned with work and himself whilst declaring love for myself and our two children. I come from a generation where ‘you make your bed and lie in it’ so because my husband was not unfaithful with another woman I kept going. The outcome has been that we have had lots of space from one another. Good you might say. Yes, we have kept out individuality, our own interests and become self sufficient. But! And this is the problem with giving each other space. It can go too far. Beware of excuses why you prefer your own company. Beware of no shared times to make memories and discuss your philosophies and dreams. The only thing that I would add to both of your visions to future relationships is that you did not add the awareness of creating common platforms for life. I hope this makes sense to your viewers.
You mean they are a bit clueless and have no idea about connection and mutual respect.
This resonates so much. My long-term boyfriend and I headed this way, and then he fell out of love.
I’m just recently divorced after a 44 year marriage,cheating fake husband who was not able to accept me mostly health issues.Let’s face it Sometimes your spouse is an ass more than you are an ass.The crux of it is who is willing to work on the difficulties and who is arrogant enough to think they are more important than the other… It’s a lot!
Thank you for this comment. I wonder if you could give some more comments or examples on creating common platforms for life?
@@thearodriguez8073 full on
Two years late, but you can’t love someone and cheat on them. There is no love without respect. And if you really respected someone you wouldn’t do something like that to them.
Usually women have to have feelings for a person they let inside of them but men can cheat while being in love with someone else. They can and do seperate the love from the act of cheating quite often. They will go home having erased the other memory like it never happened. Kudos to the men that don’t but they’re a rare find.
@@debbiemanning5983but that means you don't respect your partner, your relationship nor you care about her getting hurt. Don't do something to your partner you don't want them do to you
@Debbie Manning No. That's just a sly cop out men use to shame women because they've been caught out. I, personally don't buy into that bs, if anyone is in a serious relationship, if either one cheats, it's over period. If you want multiple partners, stay single, detached and don't enter into serious relationships. Trouble is, people want their cake and eat it too. Subscribe to this bullshit, and you'll get burned....
Are u speaking from experience?
Affairs are just a symptom of something else that is going on in the marriage. I have been married twice and both ended because of an affair. Painful experience...took me years to recover
There are no coincidences. I stumbled upon your podcast,and your words resonated deeply. I, too, have experienced several “perfect storms” that are beyond reason. I am learning so much about me, accept the reality of what was, and am learning to get on with my life. Spending all my time resonating on how I was wronged served no useful purpose to me. I am aloud to be pissed, but not for an eternity.
It is a work in progress, and am becoming a better me today because of the betrayal I have walked through. I remember telling my daughter, all will be well, all will be well.
Learning to take my own innate power back, and placing my energy into positive.
I could go on and on. I believe through my hardship, I have grown into a strong resilient woman who can walk through anything, finding beauty along the way. As you stated, we are not our thoughts. Thank goodness!
My motto today. Kindness, love, dignity and respect….
First off, I am personally going through a major ongoing heartbreaking situation.
Secondly this man has immensely helped me psychologically and emotionally with what he is saying and that makes me feel grateful.
Lastly, that woman lost a brilliant and very good man. I believe she will regret it for the rest of her life. She more than likely stayed with the other man because she became pregnant by him.
I believe in monogamy. I have been faithful to my husband for over 32 years and him too!
Me, too!
Loyal & faithful for 28 years.
Even through some VERY tough times and being hit on by other guys since I lost 44 pounds.
I would NEVER EVER cheat.
No matter WHAT.
My conscience and value system is in tact. 👍
So you think
We belong to the animal kingdom, so there are monogamous relationships that work, as you find animals that coupled forever like albatross but there are not very common…
@@stacysnider4899hat's wonderful!!! I believe in it too❤ (despite experiencing betrayal from previous partners). It depends on the person, and them keeping their integrity.
@@pomelotree2it has to be enforced by society. Jordan Peterson explains it beautifully.
Such a nice guy, it’s so sad this happened to him. He’s intelligent, kind, and beautiful, I pray his next relationship matches him.
would love to meet this man.
nice guy finished last and this man is a living example.
@@alanalan4935 Exactly what I was thinking. It's so painfully true, but sooooo many people are attracted to toxic habits and people who chose a dark way of life. Eventually, when they screw their lives up they lose a lot and regret it. The problem is they screw with the lives of everyone around them in the process. It's so selfish.
If he is SMART, he will avoid women. Never cohabitate and never marry women. Snakes in the grass. Women can't even get along with their own gender. Says alot.
Nice guy the friend zone you go. His wife will have a child that eventually finds out she’s a whore, tough life ahead for that kid
SB this has to be one of the best podcasts you have done. Amazing work and great guest who shows amazing strength and courage
I LOVED this. It was such an open, honest, trusting, and amazing conversation between friends BUT SHARED with the world. It will be helpful to MANY and could change many outcomes for others. So they process what happens in their lives differently. Thank you Dr. for sharing such an emotional rollercoaster you were on with us.
What a sweet and sensitive guy... I pray that he finds a loving partner soon. He will also make a loving father so I wish he would have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after with his family.
He won’t. You and I know this.
Rather than wishing him that. Wish him to open his eyes so be becomes more evil than people are.
That’s the secret of a good life
@@blahblah2779wtf dude…you take being a hater to a whole new level 😅😂😂
Once you believe in yourself you will be ok through any situation
He's in a happy relationship now, can be seen on his instagram
@@blahblah2779 Are you still in Broadmoor or some other secure ùnit? Youve typed to be evil & treacherous...I hope you are medicated or under supervision.
The single most powerful episode of anything I’ve ever watched ever. Game hanging. Life changing and starting a conversation our society really needs. Thank you!
It's ok to be angry in exceptional circumstances like this, in my view it Will only be destructive if it's prolonged!.........remember even Jesus who was meant to be perfect for angry when the scribes, money changers and false prophets were gambling in the temple!!
Same!! You must wrote my exact 💯 thoughts. Incredible video. So thought provoking and I'm sharing this.
@@vicasbailey6895 He did say he did not feel his anger initially. it came after. He took the time to feel and heal.
What an amazing human being. Such dignity and decency. Huge respect for him. Wishing him much happiness in the future.
The emotions coming through in his voice. It’s something so touching and I can’t quite forget it. To offer this whole story and analysis and emotion up to others….it’s interesting and such a generous offering. I’ve never experienced this, but I would hope I could remember his words and channel his strength and sense of self.
I admire the grace in which he approached this situation.
This is by far my favorite episode - I'm randomly choosing topics to listen to here. For me, the realization that the Universe has shunted him from the path he was to the path he's on now, is just amazing. The way he processed the traumatic experience is enlightening.
This is the one of the most vulnerable, honest, sad, enlightening and funny conversation at the same time. Would have loved to be there in the studio and listened in person. Bless you both!
This is two friends having the most open, concious and inspiring conversation. It helped me so much on so many levels and I'm looking forwards to have more open minded conversations with other people like this to create my life path.
If only she knew what sha had lost!!! A rare gem!!!
A very black and white view.
Such a beautiful soul
Women know what they lose, it's 80% of the time extremely pre- meditated, she had an affair not a one night stand. Women premeditate these things and think about it for hours. Men cheat instinctually
She knows. And she’ll find it again in a snap. That’s how it is.
Yes. More space on so important... Either a separate house/ apartment or at least separate bedroom, bathroom and you go visit.
Dr. Aria is wise beyond his years. Thank you for such an amazing conversation! I've watched it twice already
When his ex's new relationship falls apart, she will see what she lost and I hope he doesnt take her back.
F*ck no, and raise another man's child, a child she conceived while cheating on this guy? Lol no no no
In my own personal experience that does not happen. It is a nice revenge fantasy. I used to have this fantasy after my ex husband told me that he was going back to his affair partner 2 years after I discovered his affair and he promised to work on our marriage. After going through the divorce process I found out how much of a liar he really is and was. In fact he continued to lie to me after the divorce (we have 2 children). Now I hear of all of the lies he tells our children, his own mother and others. He just lies so much that it is hard for it to not get back to me.
He will Take her back! Trueuly belive😅what a fool
This is such a great episode. I appreciate Dr Aria’s sharing of his story AND hearing his perspectives around it and his view of it for his future. So helpful!!
For the first time in my life l have heard such an understanding gentleman. He is in so much pain yet he is so forgiving. He is not angered by betrayal. God be with you through this difficult time.
He doesn’t seem forgiving to me. He basically exposed his ex-wife to whole word. Did she give consent to share her story of getting pregnant? I don’t think so. He gives unnecessary details such as she was having an affair with a colleague. That’s not relevant to his story but certainly can damage her career. This more looks like his way of revenge while seeming saint-like getting all the love and exposing his ex-wife to online hate, loss of reputation in real life, potential issues with her loved ones. I’m sure he thought about this too
NH, honestly, what happened, happened. She made a *choice* to cheat, and she made the choice to cheat with a colleague. Facts are facts, and the truth is the truth. He spoke the truth and the majority of extramarital affairs happen with a work colleague anyway. So this is not shocking or damning. She is not a victim and doesn't need to be "protected" like you think. Theyre no longer married. She got her happily ever after with her new man and a kiddo. She's moved on. This is his story just as much as hers and he has the right to speak the truth. Instead of having an affair she could have asked for a separation or a divorce and then got involved with the other guy to avoid this entire story even coming to fruition. But no, she had to have her cake and eat it too and caused a lot of emotional pain to others due to her own selfish desires. If she wasn't happy in the marriage she should have just left instead of all this sneaking around. So him sharing the story of his experience is simply one of the consequences she accepted when she decided the affair was worth having. It's not fair to accuse him of being reckless by sharing that it was a coworker and they got pregnant. He's just saying the truth. Wasn't she acting a tad "wreckless" when she pursued a full blown extramarital affair? Was she concerned with the humiliation and pain this would cause her husband? Clearly the risk was worth it to her.
@@nh7568 as she deserves
@@nh7568what tf is wrong with you. Noone should have to explain to you why what your saying is sociopathic.
He has every right to speak his truth. He has done no harm to his ex wife .
I love how he described anger as just ego reacting. The clarity was beautiful. The fact that ownership makes you angry when we don't own anyone. He is so wise. Thank you, TDOACEO, this is wonderful work. I love all your podcasts.
I dont believe that at all I think it's the typical feeling of betrayal. To say that it's ego and its the shattering of perceived control makes it sound like she wasn't in the wrong and that he's at fault due to his ego. Imo if he felt anger it would be justified and righteous. It's what he does afterwards that matters.
@@onepunchflan3071agreed 👍
It is always about denying anger as a valid emotion
Anger is the ego reacting ... how poignant.
My favorite Diary of CEO video so far! Such raw open honesty and so much insight, that you so much for this interview!
Thanks to Dr. Aria for articulating so well his process of moving through the painful experience of betrayal...such a moral and spiritual man.
This man is very emotionally intelligent and i relate to so much of what he has been through.
At a very young 60 I find myself wishing I’d met a man like this when I was 20 - what an enlightening interview - and I also love the “CEO” - thank you!
Me too :)
but you were after Chad in your 20ies and did not even see, men like him.
@gunnargunn5473 you sound like a person that got dismissed for a 'Chad'.
Let her feel her experiences in a comment section without your notion of what her experience really was. Grow up
@@obibuaku how about you go back peeling potatoes
@@gunnargunn5473 trigerrredd???? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 we see why you were dismissed and overlooked
Personally I found much of this conversation contradictory. "People need their own space" but also "historically peoples lived in groups and sex was casual with multiple partners". Groups will always have a hierarchy which means less choices and less freedom. I don't personally feel like the construct of marriage is the problem. When the handsome Doctor was talking about history and when marriage became a thing.... what were the social structures like? Because it sounds like we were all still quite primitive. If you look through another scope, marriage enabled us to build a society around family and it was after marriage was introduced that we had the space to focus on our intelligence and progression because we weren't in constant survival mode. I don't believe monogamy or marriage is the problem... I believe peoples greed and constant desires are the problem. A lot of people are just NEVER satisfied.
The ultimate betrayal and loss- I get it as I have been through it myself - these experiences are so painful and difficult - I appreciate the honesty and compassion- I could never forgive such betrayal as it was behind his back , it’s the dishonesty, disrespect and the lying which is not ok - but you have to move on and be able to overcome this sadness somehow
Has to be the best podcast I've watched ever, so raw, honest, emotional and hilarious. I loved when these two let their little boy side come out when they played with the thought of grabbing the interloper and punishing him, playing with the thoughts that naturally arise when we're so hurt, but the playfulness between the two was so refreshing and such a great way to burn off some of the hurt.
As someone who was cheated on by his wife; the feeling of betrayal was so much more than just anger. The pain was multiprong and soul crushing. You need to keep moving forward. It will get better with time.
Yeah it is. Currently trying to heal myself from heartbreak due to infidelity ... and my soul is broken in a gazillion pieces.
It's hard when there's a part of you that doesn't divorce & the other part does.
Shit happens. Get off the toilet, Wipe, flush , wash your hands and get on with your life. You don’t need fakers in your life.
Reflecting back to my college years I can truly say I’m in a better place now and it’s all thanks to you. Being self aware of my emotions has helped me tremendously because I used to be the one doing the cheating without recognizing the impact i was doing to my partners.
Hands down! The most enjoyable, fascinating & life changing podcast I have ever listened to … Thankyou to both of you 🙏🏻❤️
My first husband cheated on me with a prostitute when we were only 22 and living in Germany on a Airforce base. We had 2 children at the time, 1 & 2 yrs old. It was a really hard time for me. I ended up divorcing him and graduating with honors. It’s amazing what ppl can overcome. Our daughters are 22 and 21 now and their dad and I get along.
You broke up a marriage for that. Sheesh!
@@rashapetrice5674 get a life.
@@rashapetrice5674 says a lot about you. Wouldn’t you break up if your wife cheated on you with a prostitute?
@@rashapetrice5674 why not?
@@rashapetrice5674 As she should've. Why stay with someone who clearly has no self-control - it would be a complete waste for her to "give it a shot".
What an incredibly calm, collected and wise soul he is! To speak about something so personal so openly and rationally, and with hope that everything will be okay regardless of the pain, is just truly awe inspiring. Thank you for sharing this!
Nope he'll end up taking her back or getting someone else, just as bad. UNLESS he learned his lesson. Stop Simping! And be a gentleman until it is TIME NOT TO BE ONE! I'm sorry Y'ALL you got to have some BAD BOY IN'YA! AND STAY ON YOUR GRIND! BE UNPREDICTABLE! If you had shit going on before you meet a women keep it LIKE THAT!
This is an incredibly honest and brave discussions about the challenges within a marriage/relationship and remaining true to oneself. There is no blame, no accusations.
A rare public revealing of emotions between two men. Precious!
I can see a new generation. I'm 74 😊
It is so valuable to listen to two men who speak so well and have really thought about life and it’s meaning.
I am so grateful. Thank you for your continued thought provoking and insightful podcasts 🙏
This man is attractive from the inside and the outside. Just look at the energy in his eyes
When he talked about dismantling the internal model of how he imagined his life, I can so relate ... Thank you both for the sincerity & awareness !
I love how sincere he was with his feelings and process, so refreshing to see that someone tells the truth.
I am sure a lot of women would like a partner like him.
Wishing him all the best 🙏🏽
Still waiting for a woman to condemn another woman 😂
-''I had to rip apart, take down, dismantle the internal model, of what life looked like'' - or should look like, such wise and realistic and courageous approach to the unexpected on the path of life , as myself had to dismantle the inner model of retiring in comfort as a couple, because in my early 50s became the care giver for my husband due to his degenerative Parkinson's disease, went through bankruptcy, and difficult health issues myself, and in my mid 60s became a widow . . . exceptional interview and a helpful therapy'
I could relate to this so much. 4 years ago my husband left me and our daughter - because of feelings for someone else... the devastation is so so hard to deal with... it made me think of wanting to erase the memories - good and bad... eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... related to so much and wish that I could have been as thoughtful as Dr Aria in my healing...
Most people marry for security and feelings come and go for most
I went through a similar thing. It was the toughest experience and the overwhelming sense of loss was what I felt first. There was no anger surprisingly. It was if she had died in front of me. I urge anyone going through it to just do that, go through it, feel the battle scars and you will come out better and stronger. I did. The emotional scars are there to be embraced and embrace them you must to move on. Do not wallow in self pity too long and do not ply yourself with substances to blot out the pain. It is a chapter that is closing of your life and a new exciting one is about to begin. I realised quite quickly that she was not the one and when I reached that paragraph in that final chapter I knew I was going to be fine.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for this show. I’m currently going through something very similar. I have been married for over 50 years, and I’ve put up with so much throughout a great deal of our marriage. At this point I’m tired and would like out. However, I have 50 years invested here and the more he says that he loves me, and forgive him, the child in me just wants to run away. His affairs are beating me into the ground. I know that all I have to do is walk and don’t look back.
Believe in yourself, listen to your inner voice ❤
Once you said affairs...💔
There is a difference when someone says they Love You and cheat, as it means, I am selfish, you piick up my slack and I need you nearby to make myself feel better also help me pay the bills.
If they cheat with you knowingly, they'll eventually cheat on you, too. We treat people how to treat us. Never accept less then you deserve. Love yourself first.
True
Absolutely horrendous. I hate cheaters so much for what they do to a person! Well done for speaking out about this. Thank you, truly.
That’s what Charles and Camilla did‼️CHEATERS‼️ And they should be crowned?? NO WAY‼️
It happened to me and I’m still trying to recover. This person is the center of your life, all we do is for them, and then you find out they’ve been cheating on you. Then your whole life changes, your goals change, your trust changes, the way you see people changes…… I digress
@@Harmonious-jm3syit's one of the greatest dishonourable acts one can do imo.
Men expressing love and emotions. What a pleasure to listen and to learn from this man sharing his growth from such a heartbreaking experience. Best of love in life.
Here he is, 💯 an Empath, doing all the things that empaths do, even when dealing with narcissists. Sending her love, forgiveness and a good life, after all the terrible betrayal. We need more men like this in the world, definitely.
Wow! What a great, mature conversation coming from such young men! Congratulations to both! Very true and enlightening❤
What a remarkable human being DrAria is. I wish you all the very best life has to offer. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to open up and share such a deeply personal experience. The self awareness on here is on a different level. Thank you again and God bless you.
The most powerful episode ever. I finally realised that I was ‘taught’ marriage was the only goal. I’ve never been happier than I am now, single & doing what is right for me. Knowing who I am & realising that loving yourself is so vital to happiness! This has given me more to think about & discover about myself. Thank you to you both.
I was taught marriage was something to do also. Another thing people just did at a certain age. I made a lot of decisions I regretted based on that teaching and ended up in some awful situations. I believe many of us weren't taught about love properly. Unfortunate.
Yep, taught that marriage was the goal. I was miserable in all my relationships. I felt like I was treading water. I have been single for 10 years and have been at peace.
Ruth what we were "taught" in life the "expectations" that were laid on us - were the things that brought us the most pain! It is so freeing to be self actualizing and not be married/tied to another, so freeing to not have to make compromises, so freeing to just "be"! God bless you.
I'm in the same boat. Relationships I've had were always unsatisfying and made me feel like property, as he mentioned. I think it's very toxic. The red pill community is very representative of how men feel about women.
Men as a whole see women are sexual property we are the ones who say yes or fuck off lol
My God. This man's story has literally left me speechless. Excellent speaker. Very heartbreaking to hear that this happened to such a beautiful, loving couple. People's stories matter.❤️
9:25 Don't ask 'God, why am I suffering', ask 'God, where are You taking me?'
You are so unique and genuine and I want to applaud you for how you’ve shared your story. I can relate to so much of what you went through. I caught my ex husband cheating on me only 10months after we got married. The pain of the betrayal was unbearable that I thought I would die of a broken heart. Thankfully I got over it and I’m now stronger and relieved I’m no longer with him. I understand all the process of grief that you gone through. I’m still watching as I’m writing so I don’t know yet if you’ve met someone else but all I know is that you deserve someone amazing who will appreciate your kind heart. 🙏🙏
The open emotional connection between these two is refreshing and fascinating.
Love this conversation so much...went through similar hurt and healing 10 years ago,no one understood my forgiveness but the peace it gives u is priceless
Wonderful that 2 guys can talk about such emotions so well
Truly inspirational.
Amen! ❤
This was an incredibly insightful video. This entire conversation was so helpful and allowed me to step outside of some of my own cyclical ways of thinking. I wish I had more conversations like this in my life but I don't think the majority of people are comfortable enough with themselves to be this vulnerable, let alone having the vocabulary to communicate it effectively.
Thank you for sharing the most intimate part of your life. It can be challenging to share. I cried. Thank you many blessings ❤
The level of raw honesty and expression of emotions was mind-blowing. Thank you both for this.
This guest is a very wise and spiritually progressed human. His broken marriage was his test and proving grounds from which he was able to take the highest ground and demonstrate unconditional love. Well done.
Fascinating episode! How interesting to hear two intelligent men talking about their inner most feelings.
And just to wish that beautiful man all the luck in the world…you deserve it 🥰
Thank you for this profound interview with Dr. Aria. There was a sincere connection between the two of you & you created this environment of trust. You asked the difficult questions & he shared his emotions & steps toward healing which could help all of us. I am not experiencing the situation under discussion, however, I am interested in healthy relationships & how I can develop more self awareness & forgiveness. I'm a first time listener now subscriber to your podcast.
What I respect and value from Steven’s Podcasts is the vulnerable and authentic men that appear on these podcasts. There is a lot of value that I personally feel a lot of men can gain and women 🙏
P