Lewis Howes: The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships | E134
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- čas přidán 28. 05. 2024
- Lewis is the host of The School of Greatness podcast and the author of The Mask of Masculinity. An icon of American self-development, Lewis’ podcast has been downloaded hundreds of millions of times, and helped hundreds of millions of people.
Topics:
00:00 Intro
01:23 Healing my childhood trauma
11:59 What were the dynamics with your parents?
18:17 What was the impact of your dad’s accident on you?
23:56 Importance of communicating with your parents
25:44 Learning the art of emotional regulation / Allowing myself to be vulnerable changed my life
31:46 Why I didn’t compromise my core values (and being honest in your relationships)
41:23 The power of honesty in relationships
54:03 Knowing your values and vision
57:50 Balancing work and relationships
01:01:26 Biggest killer of relationships
01:11:00 Overcoming my fear of public speaking
01:19:51 How do I find meaning and happiness?
01:21:55 Why does helping people matter to you?
01:26:45 Our last guest's question
Lewis:
/ lewishowes
/ lewishowes
Listen on:
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Spotify - open.spotify.com/show/7iQXmUT...
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Instagram: / steven
Twitter: / stevebartlettsc
Linkedin: / steven-ba. .
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Lewis’ self awareness and ability to open up is something super special, this episode won’t disappoint …. Hit like and subscribe, we bring subscribers in every week to watch the podcasts in person 🙌🏽
Omg love ur channel I'm addicted! Xxx
More than 👍 like.
I needed this episode
I really like this! These communications are really interesting .... And the solutions/reasonings too!
What a chat!! Well done guys x x
PS. I'm inspired .....
Your ability to open up also showed strength and determination to be authentic to yourself also. So also thank you for that.
My screensaver is a 3 year old me. I talk to her, and when I first uploaded it onto my phone, after staring at her for 30 seconds, the ocean of tears just started falling. Man, I love that little girl. I always ask her how people could possibly hurt that little innocent angel. Now the self healing begins. Thank you Lewis. ❤
Beautiful Vision of Perspective! Thanks for sharing.
me too! my system joked that I seem narcissistic but i'm doing it out of self love as well
I agree. It's good to have it on to heal... for a while, then take it off, so it isn't narcissistic.
Beautiful souls ❤️
I used to keep a picture of my first holy Communion on my desk at work. It made me feel so good because I remember how pure and genuine I was. I had no judgment, lived my little life as an interested observer.
It breaks my heart to think about ANY children out there in the world who are feeling unloved. I just cannot imagine what it must feel like to be a child and feel unloved or unloveable...I could truly cry my eyes out just thinking about this...
I found this so refreshing, to listen to two good men talk about being better versions of themselves, being true to themselves, etc. I was married for 17 years to an abusive man who had been severely abused as a child. He just could NOT face his memories or deal with his self-hate, which he then projected on me. Now he is in his third marriage, quite miserable in it, but afraid to be alone. Both wife #2 and wife #3 demand that our adult children, both wonderful, high-achievers, very likable, not be allowed in their home. Consequently, he has very little contact with them. He has paid such a high price in refusing to look at, or acknowledge in the slightest way, the abuse he suffered as a child.
I sincerely hope that other young men would realize they need to face their pain and get help so you don't end up as that stereotypically lonely old man with no family. My children's father is 72 and I think that is still young (I am 70 and pretty healthy), but memories of regret, guilt and shame age a person -- they are very harsh companions in a person's later years. My children's father is wasting away - he is skeletal and looks like he belongs in a nursing home. Please, guys -- don't end up like this, a life tragically wasted. Get help. Reach out. Begin your healing journey.
“that stereotypically lonely old man with no family”. ...or a family that doesn’t love them and/or harbors resentments that adversely affect the love they have.
I'm so sorry to hear this. Generational trauma is so painful for everyone involved. People don't realise how far that trauma can travel x
Sooo refreshing to hear mature men want to have real conversations and be vulnerable and want to grow. Being female, a lot of men are not ‘there’ yet! Thank You 🙏🏼
I finally met one and he died. I'm devastated forever. 💔😭
@@vhayashi7369 oh damn. Sending you strength courage and hugs from Tulsa. 💪⚔️🫂💖☮️
Thank you
@@vhayashi7369 I'm so sorry.
A lot of women aren't either to be fair
I can so relate to Lewis's story about small talk vs conscious conversation I CRAVE intense deep and conscious conversation because I'm obsessed with human behaviour it's fascinating to me. Another incredible episode ❤
I, too, have a deep craving for conscious conversation which is lacking in my life now. People I know just don't want to get involved in deep thought
And most men are totally not comfortable with that now are they😢So it’s difficult ! Hell some woman aren’t either! But those that are I grab onto for real conversation! I can’t change who ii am
@curiouschronic582 Same! Not very many are able to engage in deep conversations though because they have become so used to the meaningless, every day talk or perhaps just being ignored and not heard all the time that they close up too. It'd be interesting to listen to other people's life experiences, thoughts, and life lessons. It's an insight to their behavior.
I think the trauma of our parents and grandparents ‘wars’ has caused our massive mental health issues ongoing down the generations 😥
Literally wars, not in quotes. The explosive rage that came home with the veterans was devastating and still is. Thinking about it regularly.
To an extent, it is partially fabric of the foundation we have to begin with - Our Biology/Physiology is even impacted by such as we're being made/developed within the womb Re. Cells/Tissues/Organs/Glands + Hormones' Reactions, etc, are all imprinted.....
So true!!!
This is from the beginning of human history. Rape plunder and pillage by egotistical men have hurt the little boys, girls, snd women. Little boys grow up to assert their aggressive behavior for survival.
Absolutely.
And one could argue that the korean and vietnam wars on top of WW2 sparked the serial killer era of america... sons of th3 vets finding themselves in a more permissive culture of 60s and 70s, people who moved around, freedom... easier victims, no one looking as quickly for jenny who always hitched state to state, open gau clubs, etc.
I'm a woman and I don't have siblings or a mom. My mom was a monster towards me. Not all women meet with other women everyday
True. Neither my mom nor my sisters nor anyone for that matter was safe when I was growing up. Al-anon helps but it’s just a life long struggle of trust.
Sending you good thoughts sister. My mom was an abuser. We are not alone.
Beautiful women have few friends
I loved my mom, but she was a monster also, so I understand. Coincidentally, I know several women who have a hostile relationship with their mothers or no relationship at all. It's strange and sad. I don't claim to understand it. Thanks for sharing.
Peace to you.
@adrianazollo2688. You are correct. I am a guy, but I've paid attention over the years. I've noticed how many beautiful women are Isolated through no fault of their own.. It's something most people don't know about or even... imagine. It doesn't occur to them as a possibility. It's also a gulf of mutual comprehension.. both sides are clueless about the real experience of the other.... other women hate them and most men are scared shitless to approach them..
except for really douchy guys, who ironically are the only ones who arent constantly kissing their asses.. Sound right?
I was told many times that I was the ugliest in my family. At one point I started to believe it.
Then some people came along in my life and showed me that is not true.
Sometimes the people closest to us are the ones that can destroy us.
So never ever limit yourself to meeting other people because you'll never know who can be the one to be a part of healing.
💯
That is terrible. I want to hug the child in you. God does not make ugly! 🙏
I have to remind the narcissists in my family...
It's better to ugly on the outside, than to be rotten on the inside!
my husband absolutely eviscerated me…………..and I am 100% convinced he was projecting his childhood wounds.
same here. we're all beautiful regardless of others opinions. ours matters the most
Steven you really do have a true talent in interviewing people, giving them the time, space and respect... and feeling comfortable to open up about the most painful of circumstances without pressure or judgement x well done to you x
Whoever Martha is, she is a blessed woman to have a man like Lewis! He is a man who takes accountability and is constantly working on himself.
They are now engaged ❤ they are a cute couple
I would no problem with being a number 3 priority because he would also be my number 3! 😍 On my healing journey now.
No kidding! I wish more men were like Lewis. That is so attractive to me. I think he’s a way-show-er and our future world will be full of men like handsome Lewis:)
At 32min and very relatable. I've had one long relationship from a young age to now single in my 30's. I definitely changed who I was, lost my identity, friends etc. Everything was to please my partner, and obviously she left me (I'm glad, not because I met someone else, but because I have lived - friends, few hook ups why not, working on my purpose and finding the real me). Still on that journey, always will be. I don't miss her at all. I've realised there are other women around who I would be more compatible with, and although I'm single now I will inevitably meet more and more people. I have always been introverted and living in my comfort zone, but started to slowly change that.
Tak up salsa!😘
Probably one of the best podcasts I ever heard. Things finally started shifting for me only when allowed myself to be vulnerable, seek help, and talk to a therapist. Highly recommend IFS, been a game changer so far for me.
Thank you Steven for bringing such a quality guest. It really does help tremendously for us men to know that vulnerability is not a weakness. It is our hidden superpower 💪💪
Hi dude, what is IFS?
@@thecitythesoul383 internal family systems
Is there an IFS practitioner you recommend?
I am delighted to read your message. Thank you for sharing your experience and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable. We need more guys to be open.
Vunerability is strength and sexy ;)
Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of change.
Great interview 🙏
Nice one.🙏😃
Profound. You will leave a toxic relationship rather than remain when the fear of the unknown is less than enduring the misery of the painful relationship.
Thank you both for this candid conversation. 32 years married, I finally walked away to be unabashedly me. Not easy, but no longer willing to abandon myself.
Right on sister, me either.
Where does one walk to? I try to 'escape' three times.
This time I'm not going to make it
Holy Moly! When I saw you write 32yrs married , my jaw dropped because I thought I was one of the longer married people who are married in a very unhealthy relationship. Ive been married 26 yrs with someone who was severely mentally, emotionally and on occassion physically beat. He doesnt beat our children or me but he says many damaging things that I cant ever forget. Its hard, but I am an extremely optimistic person. Still doesnt keep me from thinking I would love more peace in my life. Ty for posting your comment and I hope your life is peaceful :)
@@user-eh5uc1io4j I had no idea where I was walking to it was just away from what I knew I could no longer do. I saw the quote “we only have 2 lives, and the second one begins when we realize we only have one.” After taking the first few steps, life jumped up to meet me…still figuring it out. It’s been a journey. Not easy, but worth it.
@@ruthiemontes I was never physically abused (in all honesty this made it harder to leave and easier to stay). I had a clear boundary around physical abuse. Ultimately I realized the stress of trying to be what someone else needed, and less of myself was breaking me down and taking a physical toll on my body. I couldn’t imagine carrying that anymore. I tried all the things. I went to therapy multiple times over the course of 30 years, and pushed for us both to go many times. I kept looking for a solution. It turned out that the solution was to release us both from the artificial contract of marriage (I do realize how that sounds - but beliefs and how we’re raised plays into this so much). I believe marriage can be a beautiful thing…and it doesn’t mean it’s the only way. As I saw it, my leaving could potentially allow each of us to move towards more authentic happiness (I can only control my part of that), or we could continue to play this game that felt awful. I thought time would bring healing - that only works if someone is willing and able to make changes. Time alone just passes and doesn’t do any of the work. Ultimately my kids were grown and with as much love as I could muster I made the decision to leave.
There is a calm and peace in only being responsible for my emotions. Wishing you peace and clarity 🙂
Lewis practices what he preaches. I so much appreciate him. He’s authentic.
You are changing 2 things, Lewis: Also for women it's extremely hard to talk about childhood trauma. Took me 20 years to do it. It's totally different from talking about a situation in which one felt a bit insecure... Shame can stop you from living.
Respect for being this open nevertheless: It's courageous.
I agree Diana!! I'm glad he is opening up as this needs more awareness in our society but childhood trauma for either sex is difficult. Anyone who goes through unaddressed childhood trauma (and /or emotional neglect and/or does not recieve healthy relationships) has many many obstacles. It took me until I was in my 40s to do it on a more major scale...its hard work and requires support of those who surround you in a loving and meaningful way. It can also be really complicated if it sons many many events in childhood. My segway into finding CPTSD was someone telling me I was dealing with a lot of grief in my life...grief can exist outside of actual death of a person.
@@stephanie_smith thanks for your comment, Stephanie 💛
Yes it's not a gender issue most victims of abuse have similar emotions.
Lewis said, " So its como like I had" .
His gf is Mexican. And Lewis is now speaking Spanglish 😁
@@violetasw1880 how do you know?
Lewis, I am a female and have spent my whole life feeling very much like you express in the video. I relate to so many things that you talk about. However, my father was very angry and not loving towards his four children. I also have never had friends that I could talk to about my childhood. I am very proud of you talking about your childhood.
Me too, u often hear that women Express themselves, healthy relationships with other etc. This 'normalism' often make me feel like a freak but reading these comments, im not sure it's TRUE @ least not for those who have experienced trauma...if this was the case, why do a significant amount of women have autoimmune diseases which is a sign of non healthy expression and taking on problems of the world 🤔
Very proud of Lewis, me too.!
When I was working through my healing journey after my divorce. Peace, security and truth were the words that kept playing in my head. These three words became my mantra. If something and someone is not peaceful, truthful and safe for my mental health. I will leave that well alone. 💖
My two favorite podcasters sitting together for a long talk. I'm so excited to watch this!!!
🙌🏽 let me know what you think
Agreed.
I really enjoy you give Lewis time to finish his sentences and thoughts. You do not interrupt. You are a fabulous interviewer with good thoughtful questions. Bravo. 💪💜
My exact thoughts when I found this video!
I'm learning so much from this 🥰 when lewis said "i take full responsibility for every relationship I've chosen and been in and stayed in" it's so refreshing. it's so rare to hear that these days.
Having been sexually abused by my father for years …this brought me to tears …my 66 year outwardly successful life gehasst been marred by 4 broken marriages - me - and me choosing the wrong men- trying to fix my father
I got into a crazy to still find schiz mom, hiding herself in a movie behind her eyes. I do it now, day dreams, and mask in front of a survivor. Looks ok. Not sure where my I is,where I am. How to move. Not let love in. Like a knight.
Amazing!
Yep. I have been a clinical psych for 40+ years working with people who have attachment trauma injuries and I agree with what you’re saying here and here and here. Well said all of it! 🏆
I just realized I don’t want a new partner. I want 1-2 good honest friends, not relatives.
At this moment, I’m going to continue my journey of giving 100% of my time working on me until 2022 is over.
Love your tips. Thank you for the frank conversation.
From my experience there are top three relationship killers:
- When you stop connecting
- You and your partner need to ensure you have similar views regarding money, spending, earning, and saving.
- If you neglect your partner, you are neglecting your relationship.
I'm pretty sure I'm destined to be single for life...
It’s so sad when one starts this process (quite young and don’t even know this is what they’re actually doing) and then someone manipulative, abusive, dishonest and maliciously selfish comes along and derails everything so strongly, you lose grip on EVERYTHING and experience an existential crisis for decades, without any escape. Of course there is trauma to cause this, and maybe there was some effort on their part in this way, but the DAMAGE of LIES are truly the poison of existence. Nothing works with dishonesty.
Thankyou for talking about this went through very similar.from a few babysitters as a child .had anger issues since I was 12 because it helped me keep people away but now it's damaged my life so bad I'm single and keep hurting others around me to protect myself .I'm in therapy and it's helping me alot .
i just want to say thank u for opening up and letting us people in the comments see what u have been through! it is so important to say what we feel. thank u for doing that
Wow. Wow. Wow. Lewis-I’ve been listening to you for a couple of years now, but this convo with Steven hit me hard. It’s been a few years of healing my heart and mind from my divorce. Everything you said about not compromising your health (and true self) was *exactly* why I had to leave my husband.
I loved him, and still do, for the great person he is. I didn’t want to see that we were just roommates. We tried to lift each other up, but our journeys were divergent from early on and I was too stubborn to admit to myself that it wasn’t working for me. I spent so much of my time in therapy discussing the shortcomings of my marriage, instead of being willing to admit to *him* that I wasn’t truly happy.
I repressed the desire to leave for over 12 years. Before that time, I never felt that I wanted to leave him, but knew I didn’t feel our marriage was completely fulfilling.
It all came crashing in on me in the fall of 2018. At that time, I truly thought my stress and discontent was due to my workplace. My mental health deteriorated-to the point of forcing me into intensive outpatient therapy and time away from work. It was during this time, that I realized I had lost myself years ago in my marriage. By constantly trying to please everyone *but* myself, I had been unable to heal those childhood wounds. I settled for safety of a protector, rather than truly reciprocal relationship.
Your comments about knowing your authentic self, your health and higher purpose, all resonates so strongly with me. I’m grateful that I had my marriage, and then ultimately gained the courage to see my divorce as the emotional healing I ultimately needed to move forward. I lacked that ability to recognize my triggers before that time. Emotional regulation was not truly possible, until I pulled myself out of “needing to be needed.”
Thank you, for putting it all so eloquently. I still continue to use a combination of therapy, mindfulness meditation, and clearing away physical and emotional clutter, to mine for my authentic self.
I know I don’t *need* a partner to create my own happiness anymore. I have my own goals to continue my vocation as an oncology nurse (OCN), while I find my way in holistic healthcare as a Nurse Coach. I’m excited to also help others on their own journeys to find their healthy, authentic selves. It’s early in that journey, but my heart and mind are far more aligned, than they have been in decades. Keep up your important work-both of you. You are such important inspirations to us all! 👏☺️🦋💙🧘🏻♀️
I perfectly understand Lewis. I went through it all like him. You have to be honest with yourself first and answer your own questions and you’ll flow through fear, overcome it and reach confidence within yourself. We have the power. I still think that coming across the right partner is an impossible dream. Everyone has their own mission and we have not come to this world to have a partner. Our essence remains but we go alone. ❤️
Lewis Howes is a kid I have always admired. For someone who has been through a lot, he is so mature and calm that it is amazing how he has been able to offer to serve humanity in such a unique way on his channel. His interviews and guests are so refreshing and relaxing the way he lays out his questions and responses. I know he is an old soul because he has the face of a sage . . . . he always has a smile on his face and kinda looks like he is always smiling even when he is not. Thanks for bringing him on.
My father was one of the men who lived his whole life never having healed from his trauma. He passed a few years ago and I never once saw him cry, which is so sad to me. Growing up, I remember that he could be loving, but he was mostly reactive and angry. He had horrible anger issues, and anxiety, and was obsessive with control. I wish that if he is ever reborn, he can heal his wounds and live a happier and fuller life.
Louis you are full of power in life you don’t look like any thing like your child hood . You are such strong person we love you .
I'm at the beginning of a speaker and writer directed to this VERY subject. People born in the 40's, through 70's NEVER told anyone and still carry wounds. I didn't really start telling people until the last three years as "I" got healed. Now I'm excited about establishing this platform to tell people there is healing for it and a peace, freedom and Joy avaiable!
So true! Parents who grew up in the Depression, they had all kinds of trauma, then they grew up and raised kids. Never knowing there were major problems with emotional regulation. Cycle continues until realization.
I am the Queen of listening to podcasts covering many areas and subjects. But this one was a pivotal moment. The insight, honesty and authenticity, OMG! Thank you so much, you fed me more learning than I could possibly consume. I have been high ever since.
Is it possible to feel grateful and love the mentors of our lives, even if only from a distance.
I loved this. A very significant piece is that Lewis told his girlfriend he was doing personal work and what that involved for him. Initiating that conversation is crucial so your partner knows what's up and can be supportive (or not), rather than just radically changing behavior, which can seem very random and anxiety producing for the other person. Respect for self AND other.
Thank you both. Well, I'm 1/in 100 million whose life has been improved by hearing your message this week Lewis.
Oh my goodness !! You’re changing lives. My whole life is changing hour by hour, just by listening to one podcast a day. Even binge watching as many as I can is becoming problematic as I haven’t even finished processing the last. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.🎉
me too, wonder how many me too's are out there. Wish they ALL could watch this, is my prayer Lewis for President! Lets heal this WORLD!
This is my favorite so far. I'm really enjoying it.
“We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.”
-Brené Brown
🙏🏽
Yep. Just imagine having Brene Brown on this podcast. That would be awesome !
@@kierlak that would be really great
@@TheDiaryOfACEO Someone big touring Europe right now. Would be awesome if you invited him for an interview. He doesn't do many! Everytime I see your interviews, I just know you would both be awesome together.
Lewis Howes is a truly beautiful and loving human being. I have so much respect for him. He gives us all hope and helps us overcome/transform the torment that life deals to everyone in unique ways. His bravery and offerings of revealing himself is one of the most loving and courageous gifts that I have experienced. Lewis is a precious gift to the world and to my life. I so treasure his vulnerability which is actually incredible strength. Thank you, Lewis. You deserve the pinnacle amount of respect and love. Love you!
Yes he is a precious gift. I treasure him! Let's spread the word!
He chose chose chose ummm he chose to cheat. sorry this guy may have changed, but I don’t see ever….ever an excuse for cheating and that was on him.
I blame my parents for my f.cked up childhood and I'm 33. I never felt protected or loved. I find it hard to forgive them because I know I would be a totally different person if none of the traumas occurred right in the household where I was meant to be most safe.
you matter
Dear Princess, Rumi , the poet, wrote this for you: Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. You were born with greatness, you were born with wings. You are not meant for crawling, so don't. You have wings. Learnt to use them and fly!
Ugh totally relate. And the way you put it is so true - safety as a child is everything. But here's the thing: how long can we keep going through this? The way I'm trying to see it is that it was enough of a crime that we lost our childhood to trauma. I don't want to lose more of my life to it. I'm not saying it's that easy and you have to give yourself all the love and space to grieve continuously, but at the end of the day, I don't want this anymore. I spent my life being angry for what they didn't give me and I just want the freedom to live. I just want to breathe and not be angry anymore. Maybe a part of you can relate? As you pointed to safety being an issue, have you tried any somatic therapy like Somatic Experiencing or Sensorimotor?
It’s no easy road to have travelled and no words can ever erase that. You were not in control then , you should have been safe. You are older now, claim your power - by listening to such shows , fighting for yourself not by waiting to get the apology or even engaging with them
Take the first step by realizing waiting on them will deplete your life and the minute they pass - they will be removed from your life and you will be alone.
Focus on you , what you want , what you need - create a new story where you are the author and the story can go anywhere you want to take it.
For them to be abusive means they may never change and they will keep abusing you by denying you that apology. Use that experience and the anger to propel you to seeking healing and breaking free - best of luck
I can relate, it's so difficult.
It starts with a good heart. Humility, transparency, love, these are traits that I hardly see in men anymore. There is a place in time where they have to make a choice to take the high road, or the low road where contempt and selfishness dwell. Thanks, you two, for showing me that there are still a few men who have made right choices and become good men as a result. I am thrilled with your offering to society. You make a difference.
One of the best interviews I've watched. It fills me with hope for a better world, I hope Lewis reaches his 100,000,000 and it helps to stop handing trauma down generation after generation
Or doesn’t need the 100,000, 000 perhaps.
I can totally relate with how Lewis would lose himself when being in a relationship, boundaries and his mission would be abandoned. I have the same issue and am waiting until I feel strong enough to hold my frame when I actually try again. For without that there is no way I will want to be in that relationship because I feel I can't be myself. If you abandon everything that attracted that woman to you in the first place how do you expect it to work out.
To know there are men out there like you two gives me so much hope. Not just men like you, humans like you two. Thank you from the bottom of my broken but healing heart ❤️🩹 Thank you xxx
I agree with you Coconut Island, listening to these two men gives me hope too. Sending you love & light in your healing process.
@@monicarriles5279 Aww thank you! Sending you love & light too x
20 minutes in and it's already one of the best episodes
I feel there’s still a balance between being authentic and not abandoning yourself and modifying some behaviours when you’re in a partnership
My two favorite Podcasters together opening up on the male prospective, all young men should listen, I was particularly impressed with the advise to Stephen to spend more time with his Dad, how he broke it down to possible days he had ..... onwards and upwards to you Stephen. 1love.
Very true
Wishing all men are more comfortable with sharing their emotions... health
I’ve watched you with interest a few times, but this episode was superlative. I’ve admired Lewis Howes as a host for several years, and he was an outstanding guest. You have a new subscriber.
Totally agree with NEVER compromising who you are at the core !! Also I would not have a problem with being number 3 under those circumstances! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Steven, I am incredibly thankful to have listened to this particular podcast to immediately share with my husband of 13 yrs. Healing his 8yr old self has been and still is a challenge today. The sexual abuse caused extreme anger that he does not understand how to process. Year 2 of our marriage, I asked him to stand in front of our bathroom mirror, look himself in the eyes and say, I love you Jon…1 hour later he could not do it…2 hours went by and after falling too his knees in tears, once the tears dried, he stood up, face the mirror and said the words. I believe that is the day he began to feel worthy. His anger has greatly reduced over the past decade, however, the work is not complete. Thank you for inspiring me to be there for his next steps of healing. Peace❤ Teresa
Lois has gained empathy. Until one experiences a similar traumatic situation, you can not truly understand the feelings associated. I think about this often with having a my 3rd child out of 4 kids having multiple disabilities and medical challenges. Our family is so much more empathetic to others with disabilities and medical challenges. Empathy is like a rich treasure that is beyond beautiful
A super amazing episode that needs to be watched twice to really soak in all the wisdom of self-awareness. The exchange of vulnerability, admiration, and passionate listening transport you to open your heart to learning. One of the best episodes of 2022 so far.
Thanks for sharing Thomi!
Definitely a great episode! I am so grateful for it!
Yes you are right about watching it again and again. Let it all sink in down deep.
I an an 85 yeat old woman that has tried to make a happy relationship 5 or more times. I am working on the 6th one now and need your knowledge. I will watch this more than one more time. My life has been one trama after another from parents that were abusive and dad did not want children and was never in our childhood years. My brither left the USA rather than be drafted and never returned until dad died.
Mom was badly abused by her family and my dad. No wonder I lived the kind of life, always looking to for love. Thank you for making the learning adjustments and sharing them like this . I had no idea there was so much abuse in our world. Please don't stop. Debby
I too was abused as a 5 yr old little girl. It destroys a child. A life of discovery and healing!!!
I’ve shared this with my adult kids. I hope they have better relationships than I have had. Thank you Lewis
Wow! What beautiful men and a beautiful conversation. So incredibly humbling and moving. I had no idea of Lewis Howe’s deep life struggles. What an extraordinarily courageous and conscious man, with a beautiful soul and mission. Thank you for sharing your incredible honesty and vulnerability and being an example of what healing and self responsibility can look like ❤
Yes yes yes I’m a therapist and an emotional coach and do the inner child work. It’s so powerful and This is the best interview. ❤❤❤
Wonderful to hear Lewis on the other side of an interview. He is so humble as an interviewer that I didn't realise how enlightened he is in himself. Thank you.
Wow! I have always been listening to Lewis podcast especially last 2yrs. But I never knew Lewis had this much challenges in his past. How grateful you are to the universe who gave this opinion to become a better person and share your own story openly and honestly to everyone. I certainly can connect to your story as I have similar experiences. And I am doing an ongoing journey about reflecting and changing my past experiences with the help of professionals. As you said we can't do it on our own. I have been living on my own for years now because I am scared of getting hurt. But I am slowly coming out of that fear. It's a long journey but getting easier. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences 🙏
Thank you for being such a MAN and sharing your authentic self because I’ve been for so long grateful & appreciate for all the good & bad in my life which has giving me PEACE & that peace to say if I’m not for you or you are not for me it’s ok. I applaud you for doing the work & helping this lost society. All the best to you! You will find all the joy you & everyone deserves.
The more we work on our own selves, the better we attract, in this case, a better partner and a phenomenal relationship. There’s no such thing as the “right person” (to an extend) we have to become the right person first! You got this, I believe in you and invest into YOU! Best investment you can ever do is in yourself for your family, others, future and lives overall! 💯% back guarantee return on your investment! Have a great day! 🚀🎉❤️
Couldn't agree more. I really understood this once I read a book by R Schwartz: You Are The One You've Been Waiting For. If we want to have better relationships with others we have to start by improving a relationship that we have with ourselves.
Amen to this!
Wow thank you I so needed that
@@kierlak So good! Couldn’t have said it better, you nailed it. Thank you for sharing the book! Sounds like a must read! 😃
@@JaneG Thank you Jane! Hope you’re doing well! 😊
A demeanor of a person tells more stories and pains than words can express .
Life is lived forward but understood backwards. Sadly there are millions out there with similar or worse stories. Please feel free to get it off your chest. Depending on your support system, life trials and tribulations can either be a stronghold in your life forever or a platform to liberate many lives in bondage of pain , regrets and guilts.
I pray for healing, restorations and wholeness to all, in all endeavours of lives. God bless yall 🙏 ✌❤💥
I sent this to my 33 year old son and my son-in-law, I truly hope they watch it and don't blow it off, especially coming from 'mom'. But this could have saved at least one of my two marriages. Thank you, and when I expressed the need for many of the things Lewis mentioned I was always greeted with some smart ass comment like 'this shows you really don't want to be in a relationship, let alone a marriage" The answer after selling myself out so many times, was finally "Yep, your right, because this isn't a relationship, nor a marriage."
One of the best podcasts I've listened to in recent years, I resonate a lot with what he is saying around relationships. I've listened to many of Lewis's own shows and I am really impressed at how much he has grown and how he can share the wisdom from his learnings in a really clear and down to earth manner. So inspiring!
Thoroughly enjoyed this podcast. Lewis radiates warmth, strength and resilience, and is such a pleasure to listen to. I have signed up to public speaking classes after listening to this podcast. Thanks Steven and Lewis ❤️
@siama where did you sign up for public speaking classes. Thanks
I might do the same and I’m oldish🥳👍😘
I often watch Lewis Holmes Podcast. Did not know about all this trauma he had in his life, his face always looks so happy, bright and his laughter is so infectious. I love this man.
So great Lewis’ acknowledgement both of his parents’ lack of the tools he has for healing (until dad did) and also of his siblings having a tougher time while also acknowledging his own wounds. Supporting men learning to communicate AND the wounded World that results, awesome!! Also, just FYI abused women usually do NOT have a friend to talk with every day or even week about the shame etc. especially at the age Lewis mentions but even as adults; until everyone is encouraged to be vulnerable etc. then women will not be able to fully heal often either.
The biggest mistake I’ve been making, is to defend myself of things I didn’t do. Trying harder to be a better me who is still not good enough. I am intelligent, but still, I honestly don’t know how I got here. I thought it was right to always forgive, put it behind me and just carry on. Numbing things which are done to me. I have lost the person who God created me to be.
This was a tough watch. Knowing that my father was probably going through a tough time with his mental health. Wondering how good of a father he would be if he understood his mental issues and had people to speak to. I hope that more mature men start to reach out and talk more. It’s so needed.
Men need to fix themselves in bit here to heal men good luck
So true! When I changed, the people around me start to change as well. I was trying to please others before and after my depression, not having real friends at that time to focus on myself, I changed the way I interacted with my friends. I learned to listen and pay more attention, to express myself and avoid those that are not good for me. I learn to say No to others so I can say Yes to Me. I enjoyed spending time alone and reflecting so I can stay on track and not waste the precious time I have left on this earth. Sometimes we forget that our bodysuit don’t last forever and being mindful help us to enjoy the time we are given to have the best experience while we’re alive. You got this! ❤️🙏
I have learned that there is good and bad in everything..ex..the brain accident and everything and everyone is constantly changing big and small..ex..your Dad fixing his anger issues. Hope you can stay grateful for the good times. He sounds awesome. 👍🏼😁💙
This mission is so globally important. Much more so then the traditional focus put on material success alone. Inner growth and healing is catalyst for ALL other happiness, joy and ultimately “successes”. Kudos to Lewis for his work and you as well for shining a light on it’s existence. 😍
Lewis is such a genuine guy, it was a pleasure to meet him and speak closely with him not long ago.
I love how open and acknowledging these 2 guys are in conversation. I wish I had people in my life like these fellas, that I could dig in and explore my thoughts and emotions in a supportive way.
This should be the new norm for relationships!! Lay it out in the beginning and session with exercises when things are good. You are right, it is a practice.
Truly a life changing conversation 🙌🏾
So many truths were revealed to me about why my past relationships haven't worked. Thank you and bless you all the people who worked together to produce this podcast for us 💖🙏🏾💖
Lewis I just feel so much love in my heart for you. Your openness is awesome. I relate to it all in my own life & it really helps to listen to you to heal those old wounds
I SO agree with you about Lewis. He is one amazing young man and bravo for his courage to speak out.
I watch your podcasts regularly but this is the first time I am commenting. I am VERY grateful for this episode- thank you both.
Lewis u r such a blessing to all ur listeners. I’m sorry for all ur suffering, u r now an example n teacher to us all. No life is perfect, we are all here to learn in this school of life. We stumble n fall but usually repeat same mistakes. Thank u for your wisdom. May God Bless u on ur journey 🙏🏻
Yes isn't it amazing how he turned his suffering around! We can also do this.
MY HUSBAND AND I TALKED ABOUT US BEING FRIENDS BEFORE WE MARRIED, WE RESPECTED EACH OTHER
WE HAD A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE!!!!!!
We were best friends when we married. We waited with sex until the knot was tied. Best way to start. 55 years now, and it is such a treasure to have shared so many memories!
This podcast is fantastic. It is great to hear two men have this conversation. I am excited for all the men who will listen to this and start their journeys to a healed, fulfilled, peaceful and joyful self. You guys are changing lives ♥️👏🏽👌🏾
Very inspirational. Not everyone can afford a therapy and getting help to heal the wounds and start the life they could have.
A great man forged by trauma and the character of a timeless warrior who knows which fights are worth fighting
Thank you both
If you can say to yourself, on a daily basis “ I love my life” and say it with genuine gratitude, and integrity WHICH MEANS taking full responsibility for your actions and intentions then you will view your life through a perspective that brings freedom and joy. Use everything that happens as a gift of learning.
We are all waves of the same sea.🙏🏻💙
I love this podcast and I really appreciate both of your honesty. This brings up the social aspect that men go through. So few men reallllly talk about the difficulties that they go through emotionally and their dreams and goals and passions.
We are all human and are prone to be hurt, pain and setbacks. Men have every right to express their downfalls and I wish we would accept it more.
“If some treats me like that and I stay, that’s on me.” Wow, this sunk in… finally after 3rd time listening to this. Thank you. Yes, this is true. So glad I’m aligning myself with what I am truly called to do. Thank God for sending this message through you guys. ❤
This has helped me understand my relationship issues immensely.
I love Lewis Howes!! He's one of my favorites!
I appreciate you both for this type of conversation
I love listening to Lewis and partner in conversation.They have so much insight and are true to themselves . Carry on with the good work.
Wow... what an inspirational geeza Lewis is and I love this conversation. I have struggled in relationships all my life, finally got some long-awaited therapy after experiencing anxiety and depression and managed to understand why my childhood was impacting all my intimate relationships so now I practice self-love in a much authentic way. It's so refreshing to hear how Lewis has gone on a similar journey but I must say, the way in which he conveys his story is so powerful, I'm thinking that the year he spent learning public speaking must have been a year well spent! Thank you for sharing this episode with us and for all your hard work in delivering such a great podcast.
Absolute pure GOLD. What an amazing interview.
I feel every male should watch this, they will relate to so many inspiring comments.
Lewis and Steven you are an inspiration to a lot of people - I hope to be able to meet you one day on my own podcast where I am working to follow in your footsteps. 😎
This is my favorite Lewis Howe interview yet!
Lewis has been a mentor for being kind, open, and that consistent honest accountability.
Listening to his own journey and now knowing why he has been resonating, so parallel to my own 'story'.
Some how, this instills core abilities, holding space, having trust, for ourselves, each other, and how hugely significant for congruent health, that is.
Excellent his mission and relationships are in consistent radiance.
Extra great, that I am not able to reduce it to gender, generation or any other deflection, because we are different in all those areas.
My message in a golden envelope... I'm part of your tribe and have been for almost 1-year now. I'm waiting this episode approximately 1-year after it was released...
This interview has unlocked everything and given me all the answers. I'm successful in business and ro most in life, im even a certified coach, but relationships I've been a serial failure!
Thank you so much.
I would love the opportunity to talk to you one day for 10-minutes.
Keep delivering us the high quality content.
Wishing you continued success and growth in life.
Kindest regards,
Peter
Love this and pray more people will be authentic and able to share their feelings so easily...Thanks again for sharing and Thank God!!!
Fantastic episode! We need to hear more guys talking openly about their emotions.
I agree! we do need to hear more guys talking openly.
This is one of my FAVORITE episodes of DOAC
The way y'all can speak with each other, and not to each other, problem Solving mindsets, focused on a specific topic.
Feelings are peculiar, but setting mile markers on creating a endpoint to a topic, is unique to Manly Mindsets. Women speak easily about feelings, yet struggle with compartmentalizing situations vs the Full Scope of Life. Men are great with Starting/Stopping then moving on from a project set before them, yet speaking on intangibles like "feelings" eludes us. Speaking like y'all are doing here is the hybrid humans need.
Love Lewis as I've been watching him for years. However, Zi've bever really knew his personal story up close and in detail that aldo shows his amazng faith in taking a leap by determination and spirit to make the world a better place. Thank you. Excellent interview!
I have a partner who can accept my honesty whole heartedly and it is significant difference than any other relationship I’ve ever had. It’s amazing! I feel like I could walk away if I wanted to. But the truth is this person has made me feel so secure in my relationship that I’m not afraid anymore.
my Dear you are so lucky!
First time seeing someone interview Lewis Howes, I loved it 💯💯💯 thank you!