The World No.1 Happiness Expert: Single Friends Will Keep You Single & Obesity Is Contagious!
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- čas přidán 15. 05. 2024
- If you want to hear more about the key to happiness, I recommend you check out my conversation with Dr Robert Waldinger, which you can find here: • 10 Life-changing Lesso...
00:00 Intro
02:13 Are You a Professor of Happiness?
07:28 Is Hope Important to Be Happy?
10:21 Follow the Science to Be Happy
13:05 Personal Responsibility
18:05 Enjoyment, Satisfaction, and Meaning
20:01 Addiction and Temporary Rewards
23:10 How to Turn Pleasure into Happiness
28:32 Diets: How the Process Is More Important Than the End Goal
34:48 What's a Good End Goal for Fitness?
38:13 The Why of Your Life
43:48 Finding Purpose and Link to Unhappiness
50:58 The Power of Meditation
01:00:14 Personality Types
01:04:49 Finding the Right Partner That Compliments You
01:08:21 How Your Brain Works When You’re in Love
01:10:25 Does Being in Love Make Us Happier?
01:12:12 Focusing Less on Yourself Brings You Happiness
01:14:15 Is Happiness or Negativity Contagious?
01:19:31 Are Introverts or Extroverts Happier?
01:21:05 What Is Metacognition and Its Role in Happiness?
01:25:31 Last Guest Question
You can purchase Arthur’s most recent book, ‘Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier’, here: amzn.to/3SmH5B2
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If your 2024 goals are centred around becoming your best self yet then you need to watch this! Share your favourite part of the convo below 👇🏾If you enjoyed this episode could you do us a favour and HIT that like button on the video! Helps us a lot 🙏
Sorry Steven, no like for you. I enjoy the interviews, but I am still waiting for your response to talk about sex. TikTok, or your website inbox. Or Instagram
Subscribers do not matter as mochas views, likes, engagement, etc. Because subscribers for a free subscription is a rather useless metric. You want to increase your relevance, which comes from the level of engagement for each video. Ask people to leave a comment about what they thought, or give them a question to answer in the comments. Ask them to like the video, ask them to share the video, leave the choice of subscribing up to them. That's what will let you get bigger guests and scale the show
69.42 actually are unsubscribed
Could anyone list the books he said to read I couldn't understand what he was saying I even kept going back lol 😅❤🙏
@@Tonywirthfilms Same opinion. I don‘t think that Elon, for example, would go and check the number of subscribers before according to an interview. In fact that would be a bit weird too.
My mother raised seven children with an alcaholic husband. She always seemed up beat and was kind to her children. One time something bad happend to me and I was pretty sad. She came over, put her hand on my shoulder and said. Bad thing happen all the time. Move on, you make your own happiness. She seem to understand that happiness in yourself. sure enough, I always been a pretty happy guy. She gave it to me in her genes. She lived to be 98. A month before she died she was arranging sewing groups at her assisted living facility.
She was a real woman. God bless her. A real feminist, a mother goose a Lioness and you'll meet again I'm the spirit world I'm sure. This type of woman is more Christian than 99% of the so-called Christians.
Great contribution. Great example. Ppl need that.
God bless her
bittersweet
❤💔❤️
God bless
For those who can't find purpose, I recommend start helping people around you whatever and wherever you can. You will contribute to making world a nicer better place
Then One might end up being a people pleaser and never espace that trap
Yes, I see it as each day gives me an opportunity to do good in the world. You never know how a simple smile or a kind uplifting word can have an impact on someone. It doesn't have to be this huge lifelong thing. Different jobs throughout your life, different relationships all give you a chance to help and support others.
@@bekabeka71being a people pleaser is more psychological. I wouldn't let fear of it stop one from getting involved.
The world is violent, unsafe and exploitative, yet men say "I DoNT KNoW wHat My PuRposE IS".
@@theformidabletruth you're right, the world is violent, but there is always time to alternate between capital and lowercase letters.
As a person who lost the love of my life along with every material thing I owned, in a house fire, and barely escaping it myself. I have found that I I now only cherish the things that make me and those I love, happy in the moment, as they unfold. I feel doing the best I can, every moment, that I can feel good, that I did my best, and that satisfies my need to be my best.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Sending love and light. 🙏
I AM SO SORRY. I AM PROUD TO HEAR YOU HAVE FOUND A WAY TO KEEP GOING. YOU ARE REALLY STRONG.
This is heartbreaking and uplifting and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
I'm a widow. My children have no father, and it breaks my heart for them every day. I've not been interested in absolutely any men after he passed away, and it'll be 2 yrs on May 13, 2024. However, I'm doing well today. Life is much harder, however, and soon, I'll have a small business that I'll be working on on the weekends. But life is still difficult without him. My kids and I gained a lot of weight after he passed, but we are slowly losing it by eating healthier and exercising. I am hopeful for the future, but it is really difficult to raise a boy without a father. My little girl is doing much better but she was his princess and it's been difficult for her, more so for her than him. These videos on CZcams have helped me. Thank you so much!!!
I want to respond to the part where they discussed losing weight and his conclusion that it will not make you happier. After about 25 years of obesity I gradually lost 130 lbs. Almost 4 years ago now. It absolutely changed my life and I am so much happier. People absolutely treat me differently because I am different. I am not full of Shame, disappointment, exhaustion, or embarrassment anymore. When I go out people don't look at me and then look away, or hold my gaze with disgust. It makes an enormous difference. And not only that of course, everything is easier. Exercise is easier, relationships are easier, everything is easier and brings more joy. it is everything I hoped it would be and I now maintain it mainly by eating a bigger variety of foods in small amounts instead of always feeling terrible about anything I put in my mouth. I also left a job that I disliked and don't stress eat anymore. Just have to say yes I am so much happier and everything gives me more joy without the physical weight, and the emotional and mental weight that obesity brings with it. I hope another obese person is reading this and this helps them stick with their healthy processes because it is so worth it. It has been life-changing for me but maybe that is partly because I am a woman and I do still believe that women are more valued for their physical appearance and men are still more valued for their earning ability. That has changed some but not totally. I am also single and I think my quality of life is much better than the married people I know in unhappy relationships. It makes me happy to see people in happy relationships. AND, I know several single people who also have quality relationships. It does not mean you are at home alone getting drunk and looking at p*** alone. As we are so often depicted in media. You can be happy with what you have, which is also a good point that he makes.
Congratulations on your new way of living and your positive perspective! ❤ I am also single and couldn’t agree more that being single can be a very fulfilling life.
I love this!! Congratulations and I agree with every single thing you’ve said!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thing is being obese from overeating is a coping mechanism for ppl who havent been developed as a child to deal with life, thus often its an symptom of something.
@@iFParasit That’s a whole lot of unnecessary insult. You had an opportunity to say something positive but look what you focused on. That says more about you.
Thank you for sharing your incredible journey. Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉
as a mom... you would not die for your parents because deep down you know that THEY WOULD NOT WANT THAT. they'd die for you. they don't want you to die for them.
Exactly, I was surprised that wasn't mentioned. I would absolutely not want my children to give up their lives for me. Outliving your kids is the worst human experience I can think of for any parent.
@@camiliabastos9816yes it is. Granny lost my dad and she’s still struggling with the fact that she had to bury her son. I feel worse for her than I do myself
Same thought.. Mom here!
Agreed. The thought of my kid sacrificing themselves for me is frightening and heartbreaking. I would happily do it for them, I don't understand how any parent would choose otherwise.
Such an intelligent observation 😊
Grief, illness, old age and the loss of loved ones shows you very clearly that anything can be taken from you at any time. We don't have anything like as much control as this man thinks we have - acceptance of that is one of the harder life lessons.
Anything can be taken away from you, including your knowledge and dependency to yourself in case of accidents etc. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't value, cherish or give all your best effort in them. Give your best in everything you love to have and achieve in life, whether you win or lose, you won't regret anything.
-Acceptance while positive can also be easily taken as negative and from how you sound, you have taken it that way, 'it is what it is' which is another way of having a nihilistic view in life. Enjoy and cherish the moment rather than fearing the end of it. Live and love while you stll have it, it's still so much better than not having it at all.
@@Telltalesign No I don't have a nihilistic view, and of course I agree with the sentiment that you should always give your best and appreciate everything around you. I suppose I was responding to the feeling I was getting (at least earlier on in the video) that if you do everything right you could actually control your life circumstances. In some ways you can, but ultimately, things happen, sometimes very challenging things, that you have absolutely no control over whatsoever, and the older I get, the more I experience this. Not accepting that fact gives you a distorted view of life, but fully accepting it, contrary to what might seem to be expected, can be liberating and take away some of the fear of inevitable things like losing loved ones, illness and death that are most definitely coming our way!
Agreed!! These people have all the answers don’t they! It’s crazy that people worship every word they say.
Yes, I think that's true. External things can change or disappear. Even our own bodies are subject to change.
It is a hard pill to swallow because we want to feel like we're in control.
Of course, we can do our best in our actions, but we can't control the outcome. All we can do is keep taking right action.
Like the Bhagavad Gita says, we have the right to action, but not its fruit.
I think you missed the point of this video. The question he asked repeatedly is 'why are you alive' and 'whst would you die for'. Neither of these have anything to do with external factors unless you choose to.
Im a pretty content person and Ive discovered that what I need is to always to be learning something. Every few years I learn a new skill, craft, philosophy. The progress is what gives me satisfaction and that makes me happy.
This is great!!
I relate to this very much
@@melissaalexander1042 ☺️👍
Same
Me too! Also focusing on my health has made me so much happier. It’s hard to feel happy when you don’t feel good!
Humans are wired to seek safety, not happiness. It's an emotion that comes and goes. Safety has the most effect on wellbeing. Feeling unsafe can cause illness due to stress. Simply being happy or sad, cannot. Especially if you feel safe.
I wanna feel safe at all times, then.
That’s why people love peace and hate war !
👏🏽 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Being single means I am safe.
@@benibluefoenot if you get attacked in public! If you were married you could push your wife at them giving you more time to run away.
English is my second language and I really didn't understand very well the meaning of agency, but this is the definition I found that I think fits the meaning of the word on how they are using it.
"Agency is the sense of control that you feel in your life, your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks and situations. Your sense of agency helps you to be psychologically stable, yet flexible in the face of conflict or change."
Hope it helps my multilingual peeps !
Love this thank you ❤
Interesting interview!
He mentioned faith, family, friends, and meaningful work as goals/ sources of happiness. The thing is we aren't always in control of external factors. Family members die, marriages break up, children move away, we might have to stop the work we love for some reason. Anything external can be taken away. Only internal strength can truly be relied on. A person's faith or philosophy is the only thing that can't be taken away from us.
You do have a lot of control over whether a marriage breaks up. First in who you choose as a lifelong partner, and second how you conduct yourself in that marriage. How do you treat the other person. People act like their marriage is some uncontrollable entity, but the choices we make every day affect our marriages. Affect the other person. Our behavior influences their choices and behaviors. And I'm not saying we have total control, but we have a lot more control than people want to admit. I have seen how much focusing solely on changing my behavior and how I respond to things has dramatically improved my marriage. You can stop bad cycles if you refuse to participate. If you refuse to be unkind. If you practice forgiveness and extending grace. If you make the decision to be loving and kind no matter what.
And I wish this could go without saying, but this of course does not apply in abuse situations.
@@bunny_0288 That's a false sense of control. Sadly, no matter how hard you try, when it comes to human relationship you can't do things perfectly. You can be the best partner ever and still get cheated on. People change, circumstances change. I have to agree, internal strength is what you should rely on.
People change their faith all the time.
@@silence4682 As I said the control you have starts with who you choose. I, for example, chose a man who loves the Lord with his whole heart. He had never even kissed a woman before me. He was faithful to me before we ever got married. He is a man who values loyalty and integrity. He was a good son and an excellent brother. He used his time to volunteer at church and to help others.
So I married a man who I know will never cheat on me. It is so against his character and who he is. He won't even watch scenes in movies with nudity because he does not want to disrespect me or look at another naked woman.
Even how we went about dating was not like the average couple. We got to know each other before we officially started dating. We built a friendship first and made sure we were compatible for marriage before we started dating and building a romantic relationship. We made sure we had the same beliefs and that neither of us believes in divorce as an option. We made sure we wanted the same things in life etc.
People act like every marriage has the same statistical chance of ending in divorce, but that's not true. Some couples are doomed from the start and others have an extremely low chance.
My husband and I have an extremely low statistical chance because we don't have any of the high risk factors for divorce. Both sets of our parents were married. We didn't live together before marriage, etc.
And since we don't believe in divorce we put forth the effort to keep our marriage healthy. We prioritize our marriage over everything and everyone except the Lord.
I have zero fear of ever being divorced because I chose an amazing life partner. He truly is the best human I know. No he isn't perfect and neither am I, but we are both very forgiving people who don't believe in holding grudges. We extend grace to one another and always look for ways to love each other better.
We have been married for 13 years and have built a truly incredible marriage. Not through luck, but through our choices and actions.
It's almost like... it's almost like he's a... he's a GRIFTER! Nah, Oprah endorses him, couldn't be! (*cough* John of God *cough*)
Volunteering and serving without needing to have any notice or credit will get you out of your small circle of problems and out of your head -- it makes you have a bigger purpose
agree, not all random acts of kindness need to be recorded and uploaded to social media and the people recorded might be embarrassed but still need to help
Scientists explain: If a group of women lives in the house, after some period of time, all the women start to have the menstrual cycle at the same time.
Its a physics, or quantum physics.
If the people in the audience start clapping during an event,
after some time, they start to clap at the same rhythm, at the same time.
Watch the video of the metronomes. The 32 metronomes are ticking at different times, in a different direction, but after some time they all start ticking at the same time,
except, one, but after some time, the last one is following them too.
So maybe you have to use your intuition.
If you have incoherent thoughts in your mind, they will go the different chaotic directions...
but as you start to feel coherent, happy and, listening to nice music, be in alpha state, and start remembering the good thoughts,
all the bad thoughts will also become happier and, coherent, except one thought that still holds a doubt in mind, as the one metronome did,
but after some time the last thought becomes more happy and, coherent, because you realize your true purpose and self-worth, etc.
Now imagine having good-hearted people in the community, they will act like the 32 metronomes, in coherent way.
except the last one that is still hesitating, but later he will follow the group.
I sit with my dog silently on our walks together no phone no distraction and try and listen to the earth sounds around me and look at simple things like the sky the trees the people and breathe and it has changed my life simple but necessary for me daily it is my happiness .This conversation reminded me of the importance of this.🙏🌸
Funny how in the city, this is becoming rare. Many people are absorbed into their phones as they walk their dog. It’s like society is wiring towards escapism today.
Dogs also help regulate your nervous system and keep you in the present moment. This is why I get upset when I see dog owners glued to their phone. Enjoy your time with your pet, it is more important that your phone. You’re not going to miss anything. 💗
Me exactly the same -I sit with my dogs in woods almost every day - my dogs are MY soul mates 🐾
@bonnygibson2297 did you just make that up? They regulate your nervous system?? Own a cat sheep... any animal not just dogss
I didnt have a smartphone until less than two years ago , ( because they place I moved to has lousy reception for landline based.) When I walked my dog I pretty much do not take my phone with e either. although I need to being older lol
I think this really means anything in life, when I stopped going out with the friends who drink excessively, only want to go out and eat , who continually complain I starting making space for the healthy choices .
Me too!
@@harmonizing888 well done legend
💯
My mental health always improves when I start taking time out to pray and thank God for what I have immediately in my life x
Delusions are the mind’s defense mechanism
Read Revelation. Jesus is coming back.
whatever works for you I guess...
@@cas_visI suppose having a crutch is better than having non at all? Or is it holding you back?
I am the reason for anything in my life....I choose not to blame others but be grateful for learning Experiences and staying Positive❤ My happiness, peace & safety starts within ✔️
"you need to want what you have, not have what you want". Satisfaction = mgmt of what you have. Powerful for someone who's always striving for more!
This part also stood out the most to me, as well. For years, I did not even know what I wanted! Now I do🙌🏼
@@melbaT2770what do they mean by mgmt
Yeah and the danger is you will kill all ambition for a better life because you will programme yourself to be comfortable with what you have
@@AbdulMannan-ve7ef maybe you know ‚mgmt‘ means management. So make the best out of the skills, tools, things, friends, etc you already have.
that nazi mentality , personal decision is more important than the existence of other people and soon we will see that as now everyone has technologies which mean we will see masive separations despite this channel tryng to keep us together in nazi , hitler wanted too a togetherness in nazi , i dont care about your life , you ware not part in me and soon you will seee that directly in direct decision in anti togetherness nazi , the colective needs is not my individualistic needs , truth is against togetherness nazi and females is the most nazi ever seen that why we will separate from the womb to make sure that the womb dont decide anymore unles it herself only then yes but for herself not for others
I’m just 59 .. this is for me ❤
What makes me happy, what is my purpose, what would I die for has changed remarkably over the years. I enjoyed contemplating that. Joy is a big thing for me now. I would die 10 times over for my adult children and my granddaughter. I’ve been a nurse for 39 years and have surved my purpose to my fellow man. Joy is so important now. Simple joys 😊
I was a CVICU 35 years, I felt I served my purpose in serving the sick who could not care for themselves. If the public really knew how hard we worked for mankind.
Thank you for your service to fellow humans :)
Ellen Langer , I am not familiar with her and mindfulness. I studied Joan Borysenko from Harvard . I have all of her Books, took seminars and I think that was in 1980's. I practiced Meditation and Yoga in the 1970's. I received my degrees in Psychology in 1970's and 1990's which includeed meditation, Mindfulness, Presence, Spirituality. I also studied Positive Psychology and Seligman. My primary interests were health psychology, cancer and complementary treatments and also grief counseling. Psychology Services must be available to Everyone, if not it has FAILED.
Yes, joy. There is so little time for that, unfortunately.
@@wildhorses6817I have started studying in my 50s a psychology course I love positive psychology & really interested in nutritional psychiatry
You sound like you have lots of wisdom 🙏🏻
Weight loss and getting into great shape will absolutely change your life and make you happier to at least a small extent. I went from 350lbs to 212lbs and in fantastic shape, and every aspect of my life changed. I got more attention from women, men were more respectful and treated me like an equal, and I had so much better of a time navigating every aspect of life.
I'm not claiming it'll be a cure-all, but if you're really overweight and unhealthy, getting a ton of weight off your body will 100% yield a happier existence in so many ways.
Good job.
@@MakeUpTraffic ty. Love you vro
Great job dude!!
I love you. Have a great day@@SuperAlphaKirby
This was a great show. I do feel it necessary to point out that empathy for a child or teen is not as "wrong" as he makes it sound. Feeling someone's pain is actually WONDERFUL if we, ourselves, are empowered enough to bring them through it. What he's referring to by indicating that the worst parents of teenagers are highly empathetic is when the parent is weakened by their own empathetic nature. I get it. It takes personal development and skill to master the gifts of empathy, but the blanket statement that "the WORST parents are highly empathetic," bothered me. Way too general a statement from someone in his position. I have always been empathetic, and yes, I had to learn to separate myself from other people's pain. Totally. But it IS possible. I still feel other people's pain, but I don't let it "paralyze" me anymore. My empathy is now a gift because I can say with full confidence, "Oh boy! I sure do know exactly what you're talking about, and I understand how you feel, so if I may, I can offer insights in how to get through this." Otherwise, yes, great show! A ton of wisdom and insights. I love what he said about pleasure versus enjoyment, for example.
I would hate to be his kid. Something about this man is really, really off-putting to me. I can't put my finger on it, but I do not trust him. At all.
Excellent clarification.
Empathy like any other human attributes, if misattributed is ill-effective for the circumstance or purpose.
Yes I agree this guy is wrong in so many levels, he's said because his parents weren't available emotionally. He doesn't understand attachments, childhood wounds God I could go on.
So you empathize, then use your ability to switch to compassion to have a deeper connection and actually help the person instead of being stuck in the same emotional space
@@MajICReiki Great elaboration. Thanks for your wise input. :)
I'm a victim of a war in my country, as I had to flee my house, however, that didn't stop me from being happy every day.
I'm happy that I'm alive, I got to experience so many things that I wanted to experience and learned new things.
👏👏👏
Scientists expalin: If in the house lives a group of women, after some time, all the women start to have the menstruation cycle at the same time.
Its a physics, or quantum physics.
If the people in the audience start clapping when watching some event, after some time, they start to clap, at the same rhythm, at the same time.
Watch the video of the metronoms...The 32 metronoms are ticking at different time, in the different direction, but after some time they all start ticking at the same time.
except, one, but after some time the last one is following the same direction as the other metronoms.
So maybe you have to use your intuition.
If you have incoherent thoughts in your mind, they will go different chaotic directions...
but as you start to feel coherent and happy and listening nice music and remembering good houghts,
all the bad thoughts will also become happier and coherent, except one thought that still holds a doubt in mind, as the one metronom did,
but after some time the last thought becomes more happy, coherent and balanced, because you realize your true happiness, and selfworth etc.
Weird headline. It’s absolutely possible to be friends in different relationships’ states 😊
Agree, the headline is a bit judgemental of diverse relationships. It was particularly off putting also for the ob*s*ty mention, and unnecessary
In my experience these things sort themselves out. People with partners and kids tend to not have the time to hang out with notorious singles. I am a long term loner, and I don't see how I would endager the relationships of my friends in marriages/relationships. I have zero control over their time, so as long as they have their priorities right it's going to be allright.
I rather see the opposite effect: singles who have no tolerance for the fact that familial obligations take up a lot of the time that was previously spent with them tend to turn away from those friends that start families.
As someone who is the single friend, I find the headline crazy. So now people should avoid me and increase my loneliness?
@jonbeltrano3925 I am single too, but I interpreted it this way: single people who do not wish or are incapable of seeing the positive aspects of being in a (healthy) relationship will try to get you to do things that might compromise your relationship (in order to not feel so alone themselves, or maybe because they are prone to toxic behaviour and similar reasons). If you are a single person who can think about romantic relationships in a healthy way, then of course you do not have anything to worry about and your friends should naturally make time for you even if they are in a relationship :)
I agree. The thumbnail is shockingly false and offensive. It makes no sense to make such a broad sweeping statement like that. It's like any other prejudice.
I always thoiught I was a happy person for 70 years until I moved to the Philippines and here now 2 years and I now know what happiness really is.. I live as I want and do what I want and have a great relationship and get respect here from youmng perople that never happened in the west. I enjoy every day I wake is a great day and a better dat than yesterday.. I am so positive and have so much a full life now I never knew existed till 2 years ago. And money is not the key, I nedd some to live on but I am comnforable with less anf get more out of my life now.
That sounds awesome. Where do you live in the Phillipines?
I was adopted at 12 months. I know for a fact I adopted bouts of depression and moodiness. I’m thankful for the environment I was adopted in which was peaceful, secure, and full of love and strength.
I really like that Steven can articulate so well and he also chooses guests who have a fine quality of speech. English is my second language and it helps me to comprehend the content. Also I have come to appreciate his humility in letting the guests speak and to respect their views. Thats the point of an interview and a successful conversation in my opinion. And it relaxes me while listening to it.
❤
You shouldn’t expect anything less
Yes Stefan really is the best interviewer. The best.
For me personally, my reason for being alive I believe is to become the best version of myself - spiritually, physically, emotionally, and psychologically, so I can be a good role model for others. In terms of my purpose, I believe it is to make the world a better place for the common good by helping others in any way I can 😊.
❤ leave the world in a better place just by your imprint being positive
To be honest, this is the same purpose as what nearly all people come to. People need to come to their own realisation of this. For some it might be slightly more specific to a context, or tweaked a little. But ultimately, pretty much everyone comes to this same purpose you mentioned
For most people, it's having a family - that's it... A very shallow existence.
@@brunowa8652if everyone has this then the world will be a very individualistic and selfish place as they will spend the majority of their time on themselves. I don’t see how this is a positive thing for humanity.
🙏♥️🙏@@theformidabletruth
Steve, I'm pretty sure your parents would say the same as me: hearing that my son is ready to die for me is a horrible unnatural thing. Parents want their children to live no matter what. It's the instinct, it's something that keeps humanity alive and moving forward. Your reaction was the right one
This is crazy because I've been wondering what my new life purpose was gonna be but in the meantime my only goal was to feel happy and stable and the only things I was putting energy into to keep me stable was spirituality, family, close friends, and figuring out what I really want to do for work 😅. Here I'm thinking I'm slacking off in life when really I was building the foundation that I needed to be happy and stable. Thanks Steven for having him on and having such a great podcast. Been following since you started btw. I've loved watching you grow over the years. Congratulations 🎉
Want less, appreciate the journey - the progress, and remove the anticipated joy of achieving any goals.
Brilliant, the key to happiness!
Thank you!
want less...ok, but you want what you want, I mean, how could you want less?
@@martin-fc4kk what car do you drive? How much is your mortgage? Do you work more than you would like to? Does your ‘want’ for that car, that house, that wife…does that make you happy? If so you don’t need to want less, you are happy. You ‘wanted’ just right.
What if you don’t want any of it? What if having none of it and playing with your kids 2 days a week would make you happier?
You have found a way of wanting less and becoming happier.
Very few of us are ever significant. I don’t understand the need to be so. We are each ordinary. There is great value in being ordinary. Ordinary people are necessary for society to thrive.
You just spoke more wisdom than this man will ever know
But signifikant for som people and som or some causes is important to me at least.
So true! There's a niche for everyone. Accepting that is what makes us happy, my ex hated that I use to love my low wage job, a poly house, spring to summer, no one buying flowers was ever in a bad mood. Even when they had to replace what the deers ate. The plants outside the poly and and all the annuals made me very happy but because low wage jobs can not pay bills or even help pay much, he looked down on it and me working it. Why didn't I want more for myself as if being happy isn't a goal.
Ripples in a pond. That's how most people are significant. Even the smallest action can have consequences that we'll never know about. Young people yearning for the fame and supposed riches of the influencer life are missing the mark. Even influencers have illness, divorce, tragedies of all kinds. Follow almost any successful youtuber for more than a couple of years and watch it happen. I watched another one melt down just yesterday. Most of us will never do anything grand in itself, and that's as it should be, but we can all touch other lives for the better, and that's a wonderful thing.
I have thought about this often. There is a saying: to the world you might be just one person but to one person you might be the whole world. I think we should focus on those types of relationships where we touch few people profoundly than many people superficially. Those really become part of who you are.
The description of enjoyment as 'pleasure that is both shared and will be remembered', is so self-evident and yet profound that it redefined how I look at the world. I'm not a regular of comment sections, I just wanted to say this is perhaps the most enriching 1 hour of anything I've ever listened to. Bravo to you both.
I love this guy. Straight, no chaser. incredibly knowledgeable and funny. The best way I learn.
I just have to say, I am single and most of my friends are coupled up. When I hang out with couples, I never meet any single people. It gets ridiculous. They don't seem to like to hang out with single people. I will never meet a man hanging out with couples. I've decided I need to find more single people to hang with.
Yeah I immediately disagreed with that point. I have both a wide selection of single & coupled friends………. Those relationships are all maintained better when I’m single. Hanging out with couples does not improve my chances of finding a relationship.
Absolutely. And I find that couples can often drop single people like a hot potato when they get together. Like somehow single people are diseased.
Who needs single friends "ruining your marriage" when married people cheat on their spouse with other married people all the time?? LOL.
@@jackieruso6493cuz married people hang out with married people. Far better chance, sadly, that your spouse will have an affair with one of the spouses of your friends.
Seems ridiculous that single people ruin your marriage you do that on your own.
The narrative around finding your purpose is so backwards. It’s like expecting the answer to find you when you haven’t even had the life experience to know the question. It could be argued that purpose is not found, it’s created. When life causes us to be so moved by something that we would die for it… that level of purpose is earned and ever-evolving. Thoroughly enjoyed this episode. Thank you ❤️
Agree, I think we are all born with a purpose. I liked how he speaks about taking time to contemplate what our highest values are and then live that out with Faith, Family, Friends, and work that serves. So classic.
Scientists expalin: If in the house lives a group of women, after some time, all the women start to have the menstruation cycle at the same time.
Its a physics, or quantum physics.
If the people in the audience start clapping when watching some event, after some time, they start to clap, at the same rhythm, at the same time.
Watch the video of the metronoms...The 32 metronoms are ticking at different time, in the different direction, but after some time they all start ticking at the same time.
except, one, but after some time the last one is following the same direction as the other metronoms.
So maybe you have to use your intuition.
If you have incoherent thoughts in your mind, they will go different chaotic directions...
but as you start to feel coherent and happy and listening nice music and remembering good houghts,
all the bad thoughts will also become happier and coherent, except one thought that still holds a doubt in mind, as the one metronom did,
but after some time the last thought becomes more happy, coherent and balanced, because you realize your true happiness, and selfworth etc.
He described what makes HIM happy. A religious man with a family saying two of the most important things for happiness are faith and family isn't really a surprise. But as someone with. no religious faith and no family, I'm amazingly happy and content with life. So he doesn't seem to be able to get beyond his own parameters. Having a purpose is clearly something that contributes to overall happiness, but that has to be on each individuals terms. I have what I believe to be a meaningful job, good friends and very fortunate to be free of debt, so I can do the things I prioritise and that contributes significantly to what makes me happy. Freedom to do that is surely a far greater factor in overall happiness than having a family (which might be a contributing factor for many but not be great for everyone) or faith in a greater power (again, its is easy to understand why that gives many folks comfort - but not all and religion can often be quite manipulative). Definitely some good lessons from the discussion - but also definitely a very narrow approach to what actually makes people content and happy with their lives.
Dont take this the wrong way but I thought I was pretty happy before I had a family.
He's playing at the macro level so while it may not be true for you he's coming at it from the general scientific we're all human beings approach, not the religious approach.
With the term Family he doesn’t mean u have to make a family. But to have solven the main issues with ur mother father etc. even if they are dead. And faith he defined it as anything that you believe in. But I get ur point, it’s important for him to have a feeling that u r a part of this creation, and that somehow this creation will take care of u according to ur act
But we all have faith, not necessarily religious one. We have faith in our belief system and values we hold precious.
And by the family he means "human connection", intimacy which translates to "intomesee" with close people, which is indispensable for human experience. Not only with romantic partner (in fact sometimes such relationships can also be deprived of intimacy and then they indeed make us unhappy ).
7 aa)🎉19
😟🐝. A. 🎉😮 th
01:13:26 Unfortunately, basically every message we get about happiness these days only talks about "self-love" and how loving yourself should always be your #1 priority, completely forgetting that humans are social species and getting social approval from others, like our friends, makes us happier than just saying "I'm the best, I'm the best, I'm the best" all the time. In fact, we know that Narcissistic people (who have the highest levels of self-love of any group) are generally unhappy.
And it's on the rise as well (subclinical narcissism)
I think the self-love movement is designed to counter the self-hate movement. It doesn't have to be narcissistic. It can be about caring for yourself with kind words and thoughts so you are then able to extend those kind thoughts to others.
Narcissism is saying things like I'm the best. Self love is just not saying unkind thoughts to yourself and replacing them with kind thoughts. Like, I care for you. I'm here for you. That's not narcissistic to be kind.
Loved this...however, my question is Grief, when people have suffered a tremendous loss in life, it is difficult to follow all of these suggestions as you question everything, especially when that loss has left you with no family. It's not just this podcast that I learn from but all of your comments. Thanks for sharing.
I can relate to this, I found that focusing on gratitude for the time you had with them while they were here, and understanding that their loving energy will be with you always helps me. It is also a good reminder that we never know how long we have here and how long we will be have our loved ones, even if they are friends or pets etc and so we must treat them well. As a Buddhist I find comfort in praying for them in their rebirths so that they will have good lives the next life they have. I hope that helps 😊🙏
True, the comments are a big part❤
read "man's search for meaning". it will change yo life
You've had several experts on on Happiness. My personal opinion is that this is by far the Best podcast you've had on this topic by far.
As a single woman who is continually lost friends because they prioritized trauma bond relationships over their own sense of self, I don't think I could stomach listening to this guy. I live in poverty and I still enjoy life more than any CEO I've listened to, If anyone's a happiness expert it's me I just don't brag about it😂😂
Lol @ expert 😂😂😂
@jessicaharninger7535 🤔Are you insinuating that he might be encouraging trauma bonding?
“they prioritized trauma bond relationships” This!! 💯
Everybody in these podcasts is an "expert" and usually the top, number 1 or best of the best. It's ridiculous. I only read the title and thought it is not just BS, but it encourages the "us vs them" mentality that this world really needs to stop. Grouping people and putting them against each other is truly one of the mst hideous practices out there.
@@loytoco dude we don't care who he is
I just want to say that as an interviewer you are second to none. Because of the depth and breadth that you bring, we are able to fully imbibe in the expansiveness of what your guests have to offer. BRAVO!!! In my humble opinion, you own this space hands down. Thank you for being you!!!!!!!
God be in my head,
And in my understanding;
God be in mine eyes,
And in my looking;
God be in my mouth,
And in my speaking;
God be in my heart,
And in my thinking;
God be at mine end,
And at my departing.
Beautiful ❤️💯
I've successfully applied a lot of this to my life the last few years, and it's worked for me. I consider myself a very happy person. I wish more people practiced and believed the things he's saying here.
obesity is definitely contagious as it people’s lifestyle they adopt and tastes for food. It’s something I’ve discovered after befriending a guy in college. His family for the most part just has it in their family tradition to consume high calorie, high carb, and oily fried foods. That coupled with drinking pop/soda filled with sugar on the regular multiple times a day. I convinced him to adopt my lifestyle that I myself have gained from listening to those in better places in life than myself over the years and he has grown into a fitter and stronger version of himself. As soon as you can switch lifestyles and find healthier recipes and drinks you can enjoy on the regular the easier it’ll be to lose weight and stay fit. This is why special diets never work and it is because of people going back to their old eating habits and they never enjoyed their diet foods well enough for it to be something that stays for a lifetime. On the opposite end there was a while where he negatively influenced me as we were eating really unhealthy for a while and I gained 10 to 12 lbs of fat during that time. Lifestyle and eating habits are definitely contagious and it depends on who’s the bigger influence in one direction or another.
I’m a little over 30 minutes in and this guy was able to expound on the phrase “enjoy the process”. Something I’ve been desiring to articulate better for myself. Thank you 🙏
1:14:00 I can attest to the truth of giving money to certain people making me happy. I don’t give donations to charities; for me they are too anonymous. When I directly help a person and see the benefit, it’s a beautiful feeling. But heck.. I’m Irish ☘️💚🇮🇪
BTW, the happiest country for the past 5 years has been Finland. But it is not about this kind of American style of "how fantastic, how amazing"-happiness. It is more introverted type of satisfaction on small precious things in one's life!
I am the latter kind of happy, but I am always doubting if my life is good enough because of the constant bombardment throughout my life with what happiness "should" look and feel like. It is soo hard to relearn what true happiness is, I have had to very much detach from society in a way. I think connection is vital, but it certainly comes at a cost as an American.
@@DoriterEater Yes, ofcourse our surroundings have a strong affect on us. I am Finnish and fex. today my happiness came from turning my sauna on (almost every house has its own sauna here = 5,5 million people and about 3 million saunas) and going for an hour long walk in the cold (-15C) and snowy weather. After the walk in the fresh air I went to sauna to bathe and warm myself up (in the Finnish sauna you throw water on hot stones so you get this nice humid heat into the sauna room) and then ate my evening meal - and I could not have felt more relaxed and happy after it.. Just to give you one example of how the Finnish happiness might look like.. ❤
It also has to do with things like universal health care, better and more affordable/accessible housing, much healthier food - starting from what children are fed in schools, real access to quality education and valuing trades and not just promoting the myths of 'anyone (a majority!) could be a billionaire', etc -- and not having the tremendous gross economic inequality and the constant talk about how competition and 'trickle down' economics , and the commodification of everything including human beings in late stage capitalism -- and calling what is a society rife with monopolies (including in media) and bought government, and a two-tiered justice system 'the free market', etc -- in places like the USA -- vs what is happening in countries like Finland. Look at the contrast in the educational systems or in pre and post natal care in Scandinavian countries vs. the USA. Etc!
The ghost phone in Japan. The kid that prayed believed God was listening. Now a young man stopped praying because he knows God is not actually there listening!! Brought me to Xmas & Santa 🎅 kids that figure out Santa isn’t real stops writing letters to Santa and Xmas isn’t the same…thanks love & light
15:00 Happiness is not a feeling. It's a decision. You have all the power to change and control how you feel by changing what's inside of you
17:22 Happiness is 3 things: Enjoyment, Satisfaction(Appreciation), Meaning
I really appreciate how straightforward this guy is.
This is not a coincidence. I relate much with Dr. Waldinger. Parental situation (but mine are divorced), wanting to feel close to my kids, my kids are not so close to their grandparents. I went thru a hard way to find and learn meditation after the age of 41-42. Then doing reflection / contemplation becomes a natural part of me. Asking what my purpose is, and trying to redirect myself in enjoying the processes and have a more fulfilling life inside me. I love looking out the window too when riding trains and car and observing what's outside. In figuring out our purpose, we just need to sit still and breathe. It will come to us eventually. I still have struggles because of bad experiences in the past. I like learning other new information from this podcast too. I do believe that life gives us a 2nd and 3rd chances.
I have 5 different degrees and the more I learned the more I understood that happiness is not outside, it is in you. The society is made to oppress and suppress people and that make you lose yourself which later leads to to chase someone else ideas. Society makes you to chase and with all of this chase you become exhausted and tired. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally which, has no scale to measure it.
It is incredible that such a video and information has only 21k LIKES. This is pure gold, and would save a lot of people's time to understand themselves.
This is the 1st video I've seen and I already love your channel, thanks for providing so much value Steve. A big hug from Argentina :)
People think they have friends. They really don't.
As soon as you become sick, homeless or lose everything, you'll never know.
When you have money you think you have lots of friends. 😢
Yikes. I went through a period of poor health and my friends and family showed up and showed out for me inside and outside of hospital for encouragement, to bring me food ☺️, to pray for me. I feel truly blessed. 🙏🏾 I hope anyone going through tough times has someone that will be there for them and that also you will extend the same support for them when they need it.
It's very easy to be friends with someone when things are going well. BUT when hard times hit, you find out who your real friends really are. Less and less, people value friendships enough to really be friends with someone who is suffering. My theory is that the modern world has decimated people's mental health to the point that taking on another's hardship and feeling empathy for a person who is in pain will push THEM over the edge. It's almost like a self defense mechanism at this point. I do not blame my friends for abandoning me when everything started coming apart in my life. I don't want my pain to transfer to them anyway. I would feel horrible. I will suffer alone until it's too much, and then the goal is to quietly slip away unnoticed.
Your definition of “friends” is probably being mixed up with “Constituents” and “Acquaintances.” Today, people think that people they know online are “Friends” they even call them that. They are NOT. It’s time to actually learn what the REAL definition is of friend ACTUALLY IS. The people who are not there in the hard times (fair weather friends) ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS…..
@@ReginaMcNeish tbf I don't even think ppl give a shit anymore to be anyone's friends... they are just there for good times and anyone going through hardships can go suck it up! That's what I experienced and those ppl just added to my pain... I cannot call these ppl who just turn up to restaurants and coffeeshops gatherings (friends) and its hard af to find a real supportive network in the modern days....
@@dickdarlington3559 I've experienced the same exact thing and resonate with ur statement! It's hard not having anyone supportive and positive around when you're going through a hardships! I withdraw from others cuz I don't wanna be a burden to them and end up left a lone...
Anyways what do u mean by quietly slip away unnoticed?!
Genuinely one of the best DOAC podcasts in a long time. I had never heard of Arthur before but now I’m going to binge watch the rest of his podcasts and interviews and will buy his book. Thanks Steve
I have been a big fan of DOAC, but have always found myself skipping bits and pieces.. Today was the first time I listened to the full podcast in one sitting. This was incredible. Thank you Robert! I loved how everything you explained was backed with tons of science from multiple fields.
You know it’s a good episode when you go through it as slow as possible. Day two and I have only made it to 40 mins. Need to pause take a moment and incorporate on my life before going further. Love it
This was my favourite episode it is like it was sent for me at this very moment in my life of hardship and despair and have given a whole new perspective. Thank you as I think may save a few things in my life
Divorced friends can advise you where they went wrong in their marriage… and because they are true friends and NOT just mates or buddies, they will speak justly regarding themselves and their ex-wives.
Married men are either in denial about how pathetic they are or completely honest about how they ruined their lives
Agreed 💯...the headline perpetuates a stereotype.
Thx so much to you & your team’s passion & dedication.
I’m a recovered drunk in my 50’s. Learning to navigate my own self, others & life with truth & self integrity.
Finding your channel has been encouraging & beautifully challenging.
Thank you for your honesty & tireless work that you & your team do to bring us all this content.❤
Love this. So appreciate the Dr Waldinger’s perfect balance between science and a sense of the Divine. Wonderful.
Right on with the poets. I've had to fight to overcome the darker side of my mind, because I am really a happy person, but unhappy because of everything that we see and know and learn, thsts so painful in this world, BUT I write it all in my poetry, the pain I'll have. It becomes written into the wind.
I’m 49 minutes in and this conversation is gold. You already have purpose that’s why answering questions like these are so valuable to realise you don’t need to go searching outside yourself, only inside ❤❤ thank you as always.
Those ending remarks were remarkable!!!!! Indeed, pure wisdom. Only focus on what you CAN control and let that which you can't go unfocused.
I really enjoyed this interview.Thank you so much!Happiness is my road, I have chosen positive emotions, enjoyment and gratitude couple years ago and I keep going.❤
The best thing in life is not satisfaction or happiness, but contentment.
The German word for contentment ("Zufriedenheit") has a more positive connotation than the English. Sometimes when I explain it to someone I say it's Christian contentment and then most people understand what it's about.
Most people understand me because if you look around a normal church congregation in Germany you see a lot of people who are just optimistic and understand what is in their control and what is out of their control.
If you want to be happy as a man, find something difficult or something you think you couldn't do and DO IT! The journey is where you will find fulfillment and subsequent happiness.
Up there as probably the best episode so far! Absolutely loved this, so much wisdom, knowledge and sincerity. Loved how you both communicated throughout this discussion, such brilliant, harmonious energy, it was an absolure joy to watch. Thank you both. ❤❤
Love Dr. Brooks’ voice, it’s magnificent! Never tired of it.
Limbic fantisms. Today wasn’t the day I thought I’d hear this phrase. Super super interesting! Thank you Steven for consistently having such educational, interesting, helpful guests to teach us all.
Happiness is so scarce that you need a professor now……. Good one this
One of the best episodes ive ever listened to on this podcast! So insightful. So powerful. Thank you so much to both of you. ❤
What a delightful person and what a delightful conversation! We need part 2 & 3!!
One can be happy only if they are satisfied with what they have in life. If you aren't as satisfied, no billions or things will ever make you happy
I love your book “Build your own Happiness.” I read it 3 times!! It’s changed my life!!
I will get it!
As an artist the result is never as satisfying as the process.
Process is everything,the enjoyment is being in that moment where you are creating something new ,the possibility of something exciting and fresh.The result of those efforts and the feeking you have of completing a pice is fleeting.
Thank you for this information from Dr Waldinger. I adore your videos here on DOAC. I listen daily since work at home. This video discussion made me cry. So many good points.
I have read Arthur’s recent book and it was fabulous for me. Faith, family, friendship and work that serves others. I have a gap based on this list that I need to work on. Thank you for another great interview…
If you base your happiness based on a list that someone has laid out in front of you (this guy isn't the best example of a happy person), then you need to set out to fail, just like the gym fanatic or the yo yo dieter.
31:26 The four goals that really matter are faith, family, friendship and work that serves others.
You don‘t know me!
It's such a privilege to listen in on these conversations. I feel like I've been to a lecture or seminar at the end of this video
I watch a lot of these types of talks. This one covers more and is the best one for overall acknowledgment. Recommended it to all my friends and loved ones.
Interesting that he doesn't consider sugar as addictive as alcohol, when studies with rats showed that, when given the choice between a very addictive drug and sugar as a reward, the rats went for the sugar. And arguably, the majority of people with a complicated relationship with overeating, do eat highly processed foods with a lot of added sugar that gives them a dopamine hit. The illusion of happiness in a burger / pizza / ice cream. How many people celebrate exciting events with a food reward? Or feel sorry for themselves with ice cream?
If u give up sugar you won't die, if you are a long time alcoholic you could die. While sugar is addictive , it's not the same
@@erinwill6743 But the damage a substance can do to your organs says nothing about its addictive potency.
I watch your podcasts religiously. They are all amazing, but this one was something else. Reconfirmed all my personal beliefs, despite society and family telling me otherwise. Purpose, family, contemplation, gratitude, discipline all lead to a happy fulfilling life.
If you agree with everything someone else says, why are you watching them? You should just be happy talking to yourself. Only listening to what we agree with warps are minds and makes us susceptible to brainwashing. It's really important to use your critical-thinking skills, especially when someone else agrees with you.
this podcast interview is by far essentialy accurate and on the mark,must watch till the end explains a lot
I am happy person because, I have purpose in my life. I was destined to help others . I practice gratitude even when the sky is falling in my life. I have various friendships groups from my spiritual spaces, professional spaces, family. I practice reading the Bible and pray 🙏🏾 daily. Bless you all for reading this message today.
17:28 3 things
21:22 Pornography
21:54 People and memory
29:50 Processes not goals
30:16 Dalai Lama
31:21 Goals deep
I postponed everything I programmed to do this morning just to listen to this incredible subject. At least I will start what I've programed with a new perspective.
Wow! A Professor with common sense. What a great change of pace in today's world. Great interview!
This is maybe one of the best podcast eps I have listened to. I have been trying to deliberately minimize what I am consuming online, because most of it is utter BS. This, however, was a seriously enlightening talk. Thank you.
I thought my husband’s cheating was the reason for my divorce. Didn’t know it was my single friends.
I'm very sorry that happened to you. That truly sucks. 😥 The way I see his point is that perhaps a person is more likely to cheat if their friends are living the single lifestyle? Nothing to do with you, per sei, but how the environment affected your partner's selfish choices.
When asked what happiness means, Buddha said a list of things but one of them was - "not being associated with fools" . not exact quote but something like that. Taught me to get rid of people who were awful in my life. It resulted in being happier.
I’m only 10 minutes in and I’m already fascinated and agree 100%, this is going to change my entire outlook on my relationships 😅
Yes, joyful are those who live like this! Joyful indeed are those whose God is the LORD.” - Psalm 144:15.
But if our happiness is found outside of God, then it is temporary. True happiness cannot be found in relationships, wealth, status, or accomplishments because all of these things can disappear rather quickly. Christianity has told me that in the end, you'll just feel empty inside. That nothing on earth can satisfy you.
To find true happiness you must look to the Lord Jesus, find beauty in His character, fall in love with His work, and stand in awe at what He has done for you and the future you have in Him. In Him, we have real joy.
I will pray for you 🙏🏽
Before they changed Yahweh for Lord that verse said: Happy are those whose God is Yahweh.
Wisdom - knowledge combined with life experiences. Without experiences, it will be just intelligence, which can be empty and mean nothing. Wisdom requires both
This one of the best podcasts i seen. And it opened my eyes. It came in exact right moment. Cant thank you enough
You know what? Your podcast activates the contemplative part of my brain. I leave each episode I choose with my brain lit up with new thoughts and perspectives that are actually deeply shifting. I have a lot of gratitude for what you do. Thank you.
What an amazing guest❤ by far my favorite episode to start the new year!
What an EXCEPTIONAL intro!!! Super Skilled Editing!!! Loved it! Wow points for me: The "Arrival Fallacy"= progress more important than accomplishing goal/arriving at destination. Addiction topic (Add people & memory turns pleasure into enjoyment can reduce addiction factor). Also the "temporary rewards" pleasure factor, turning pleasure into toxic practices & addictions vs satisfaction.
I thought he was Robert J. Waldinger because of your description comment. Seems Arthur C. Brooks's name is missing from the title & the show nites.
This was a podcast that I listened to without any interruptions and could listen longer. Made some notes and will implement this in my life. Grateful for this episode ❤
This is one of the best podcasts ever thank you, I’ve got to try and watch this again and again 😄