Relationship Red Flags with Matthew Hussey | Season 2; Ep 1
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- čas přidán 15. 03. 2023
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Matthew Hussey, one of the world's leading dating experts, reveals important advice for recovering from toxic relationships and offers life-changing wisdom for finding healthy love.
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Guest Bio:
Matthew Hussey has the #1 CZcams channel in the world for dating and relationship advice for women and has empowered millions through his New York Times bestselling book ‘Get The Guy,’ sold-out live tours, six-day immersion Retreats, and powerful training videos. His advice reaches over 8 million followers weekly, and his CZcams videos have amassed over 300 million views.
Guest Information:
Instagram - @thematthewhussey
Facebook - Matthew Hussey
Twitter - @matthewhussey
CZcams - @thematthewhussey
This podcast should not be used as a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical advice, counseling, and/or therapy from a healthcare professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issue, or health inquiry, including matters discussed on this podcast.
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Narcissists are everywhere and these days it seems like everyone has at least one in their lives! Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, will help you spot red flags and heal from the narcissist in your life. Every Thursday, we will hear first-hand accounts from people who know this territory the best, the survivors.
New episodes weekly on iHeartRadio.
#NavigatingNarcissism #NavigatingNarcissismPodcast #DrRamaniPodcast #NavigatingNarcissism #NavigatingNarcissismDrRamani #NavigatingNarcissismPodcastDrRamani #DrRamaniPodcast #DrRamanNarcissismPodcast
It's refreshing to see a psychologist be personable and admit their vulnerabilities.
I thought your name said Uranusfishing😂
Mi
@@KoolT😂😅😂😅
Somebody lacking sympathy here, should get their loose screws fixed soon pshycho
Both of you have saved my life. I went from feeling like a piece of garbage after I was discarded by my narcissistic ex to being calm, confident and happy. The work has been extremely hard and the pain was almost unbearable. Please keep doing what you are doing.
I'm with you. This is so hard. My last hurdle is my inner thoughts. I am SO critical towards myself 😢
Going through it too. This is the worst feeling and it's like I meant nothing to him after thinking I was his everything. .. the pain and sadness is unbearable
I’m so proud of you. You inspired me today. Thank you. ❤
You both together, in one podcast , DREAMS DO COME TRUE
THE dream team 😍
thought the same!
lll
Yesssssss!!!!
So trueeee
It takes a long time to know someone. You have to wait till the dust settles & “impressing” is over. The mundane of life’s relationships is when you see the true person.
💯 agree. Also, I hate giving up my power to someone I barely know. Trust is the make it break it factor.
Yes!!! Take time, go slow
Narcissists do not always show off in the first dates, and talk about themselves - they listen and observe to learn who you are, to later use that and mirror you. But they do come on too strong, that's the appeal. They make YOU feel like the centre of attention. So I disagree with not making judgements and just throwing yourself out there to the love game as it is implied at the beginning of this podcast. If something doesn't feel right or organic, your gut is probably right, no matter how attentive or attractive someone is. There are some predatory men out there and they use different tactics, we have to watch out for them.
True, been there. And was aware of those red flags, but wanted to hope for a good outcome - wanting to see the good in them? But getting to know each other those red flags kept piling up. Needless to say, he was the victim and I was the crazy one. Although the rs didn't last long and I thought I got over it pretty fast, I often catch myself realising how it affected my trust in men, rs, etc
Agree with your statement, what you said was my experience
Narcs LIKE TO MOVE FAST. REMEMBER THAT
Like move on to get into another relationship?
Holy schlamolians! After 68 years of settling for abuse, I'd rather be alone. Toxic relationships are not adequate companionship. Nor do I call them "family".
I have/had narcissistic/psychopathic family of origin, offspring, spouses, and friends. (I collected the whole set.) I deserve better. They don't get to treat me like that any more. Life is short and not to be wasted.
Never settle. Blessings to you 🌸
Dr. Ramani = absolutely a live saver for me. Helped me ID, sit with Truth, and ultimately leave a relationship built on narcissistic abuse. Now, 7 months later & starting to date again, I see “narcissists” everywhere & could be projecting and over-correcting… so this is timely & great advice. ❤
5 months single free since seen narc cheating ex day 24 blocked from her stupid love bomb tactics in pain again cuz I almost fell for love bomb a month ago...ugh painful!! I know I made right choice I was stuck back and forth three yrs on off forgave her for cheating like a weak beta male I'm a total asshole now.
Yes you definitely start seeing narcissists everywhere, once you’ve been in a bad relationship
Dr. RAMANI is great!!! It is a great mystery to me why she is validating that huge narcissist Jada
@@calebkeegan3023 you aren't a total asshole... I've been down your road and keep getting love bombed back....I finally left for what I thought was For Good and housing circumstances brought me back for more of the same horrible cycle....I finally purchased a house but haven't closed yet ..let me tell you, I'm scared to death...I have limited education, limited job experience and no employment but I need to do this or I will probably kill myself....the fact that the end of this hell is insight is all that's kept me going....hang in there friend
Oh man, me too. A raging grandiose screamer, told me he was a MISSIONARY. 😂
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
Yup. Them saying "I love you" actually means "I love what you _do_ for me" 😢
Isn't it illegal to hack into someone's phone? Like, if I got incriminating info from my ex's phone, I wouldn't be able to use it in court, right? 😮
@@starlingswallow you can.
They don’t say,”I love you”!
This is one of the smartest pieces I've read about narc abuse. I agree and second the idea that they have no energy to build a real relationship cuz they are in a state of emergency or chaos all the time. When they're done with you it's cuz they've been found out. You see what they are and no longer admire them and play their game (accept them as a victim & excuse their bad actions). By this time, they're replaced you so you are no longer useful to them. They do not love, true and hate themselves making them incapable of accepting your love for them. It is exhausting to try. If you insist, the psychopathic tendencies will come out. And then you'll be running for your life. You have to find the strength to close that chapter. Do not take it personally. You were just a pawn in their game. Sad but true.
I was stunned listening to this! So many wise points, but more than that: getting to know that even dr Ramani has felt inadequate, ugly and unattractive, desperate for a relationship feels both horrible and a huge relief. A huge relief, since in my eyes (and I am a very heterosexual female) dr Ramani is so very, very attractive in every way. So intelligent, sharp and good looking. If even she can feel that way, we should all know how easily our minds can trick us, let us down. Thank you for outstanding public information! All my love!
So true. She is so beautiful and refined, genuine and honest, helping so many. Like super catch. We can all be damaged. No one is above it. Her honesty and ours will help others. We all can heal. It just takes work. I’m so grateful for these two helping us do the work. Have fun with the work. And most importantly heal.
I wonder if many joy-filled people are just choosing to remain single. Almost a year ago I ended a 25-year marriage to a narcissist. I'm so happy to again be giving my time to making the world a better place and building others up. I know now that my giving spirit and desire to be in a relationship made me a target for a narcissist.
Despite the suffering of the last 25 years, I like the person I've become (thank you Viktor Frankl, Dr. Ramani, and Dr. Carter!) and I am now free! I love being a Dad, and I love living with integrity. I really love being single again and living with meaning. I really don't know if I'd want to be in another relationship.
Do others feel the same?
I'm the same - divorced after being married for 12 years to a narcissist (plus other narcissist relationships before that). I got into my marriage because I had no family support (toxic) and I was lonely and wanted children. I now love myself so much I am quite happy being single, to be in a relationship I would have to meet someone as amazing as me and who loved me as much as I do, and treats me as well as I do. I'm free to be who I want, do what I want and chase my dreams unhindered.
Divorced after a 10 year relationship. And without all of the devaluing pulling me down, I'm suddenly recording an album!
Yes! Same boat but I’m 28. Left a 3 year relationship w a narcissist & do not intend to spend the rest of my 20s trying to understand anyone’s motivations other than my own. Will revisit the concept of dating when I’m entering my 30s
Yes I do feel exactly the same way. Single is filled with joy, no head games or manipulation. I sometimes can't believe how lucky I am to have such peace in my life. 10 years married to a covert narcissist.
Yes, me too... 60 year-old woman. My life is quite fulfilling, even alone.
The funny thing is, my boyfriend told me a lot of the things his exes complained about him, but he seemed so much the opposite when we first started dating, come to find months down the line, yup those things have come up as problems between us.
I love the work of Dr. Ramani and Matthew Hussey; however, I felt that this podcast episode fell flat. I received the strong impression that Matthew did not have a grasp on narcissism/narcissistic personality disorder or the relationship dynamics that exist if he were looking through the lens of someone who is a narcissistic abuse survivor. His dating/ relationship principles were grossly oversimplified --not realizing that when dealing with these personality traits on the spectrum and/ or those individuals who are disordered that these predators are not playing checkers-they are playing chess. In my opinion , there were two different conversations going on during this podcast.
I think that the whole deal and discourse of Matthew is how to bring the power back to the person. From that lense, it doesn't matter if the other person is a narcissist or not. He wasn't discussing narcissism, but rather how to build a sense of worth and how to start to imagine that a different reality is possible. I do understand what you are saying. I came out of one of these abusive relationships in 2019, and I think is very normal to see everything from that framework (so to speak) for a while. But at some point you have to become the main character of your life and focus in what builds you up, what strengthens you, what gives you solid foundations that others cannot destroy that easily. Regain agency, in summary.
Agree that there were two different conversations going on. Dealing with abusers is not general dating advice. Also, Ramini has credentials to discuss abuse, not sure if MH has qualifications in this area
From the very start he didn’t answer the first question properly
Having standards is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Now I choose who I want and believe me it gives me the position I want in a relationship. I’m limited , but I’m happy.
I’m a 49 old Asian. My mother always told me she wanted a boy. My mother always told a woman is nothing without a man… as such I’m a door mat. My last relationship is with an extremely cruel covert narcissist. I left 4 weeks ago and I’ve lost all my money, been beaten, abused, told no man will ever want me because my vigina is too loose.. and the minute I left he has now got lawyers accountants and police on me.. this is why I was too afraid to leave for so long and atm I have a hard time understanding why this is all happening to me 😢
I am so sorry for you!! Be strong and safe! Bless you ❤️
You're so brave and strong, I hope you'll find happiness ❤
Praying for you Jeni, that you will have strength and clarity. I hope you find a safe place to recover, have you considered a DV shelter? They can help you takes steps to stay safe and find justice.
It will get better, hang in there and focus on healing ❤️🩹
Jeni, I am so sorry this has happened. From what you spoke of regarding your mother, she set you up to be a doormat, like my parents did.
You are everything without a man ❤ Please get to a DV shelter, they will help you get back on your feet. And before you do a relationship again, work on your self worth and self love. Define yourself, don't let anyone else do that for you or to you. Your mom doesn't define you, your job doesn't, money doesn't, friends don't, a man or relationship doesn't.
YOU define you.
Grab hold of that with everything IN you and don't let go.
Start journaling. What are the things you like and love about yourself? Who do you want to be? Who do you hope to be?
Do the inner healing, learn how to set boundaries with people because when you have boundaries, that will weed out the toxic people ❤
Sending you light and love!
Asking a better question works for me: What is the truth between us? It raises curiosity and lowers anxiety. It is a question without a goal, as opposed to: Can we be a couple? Finding the truth between us gives us more patience, but also enables us to create the relationship together, with integrity.
Approx 48:00 - 49:00 leading into important deep dive
-Don't have tactics, have a standard
I have modeled the kind of relationship I wanted from people in all types of relationships, personal and professional and have gotten no where.....All it did was build up a sense of entitlement in the other person where they expected me to be emotionally supportive of them and kind toward them but they dealt with me in a dismissive manner where they rarely ever asked how my day was and only did so if they had time to kill and could fit me into their schedule......Sometimes they dealt with me in an outright exploitative and dishonest manner....
I believe that it’s the other way round: Your standards are a concrete expression of your values
Unlike other commentators I didn´t like the collaboration with Hussey. Firstly, he made lots of statements which doesn´t add up to things Dr. Ramani teaches. For instance: "you can change at any given time in your life". vs. "personality patterns aren´t likely to change much".
So the term "changing oneself" is either used in a very broad way that could mean "you can look at what you normally do in your dating life, understand it and its implications and try to change it" or it could encompass the personality and trauma related issues also. So it´s very broadly spoken, vage and something one can expect from coaches (overgeneralizing something so they can never be wrong about what they say).
Secondly, I think there is a lot of "rationalizing one´s own feelings" going on in the episode. Which is contradictive to processing the parts of oneself that still hurt and need to be looked at in the light of possible trauma bonds and core wounds everyone has (and so on).
And for instance I wanna remind of the piece in which he told about an older female client who felt the need to lower her dating standards in order to get into a relationship at all or "staying alone forever". That one leads directly into old core wounds, to me it sounded like "being left out", "no one wants me like I am", "I am not wanted" and so on. But instead of looking at it emotionally, what I´m used to when I listen to Dr. Ramani, what happens? Hussey rationalized it, the core wound that showed up is not being taken into consideration, instead a "workaround" is found how to deal with it.
And these are my problems with this episode, I was really looking forward to. Because I really really like her work and I like her insights. I like her YT-Channel and I like her podcast. I´ve read her books. She´s helped me in so many ways and I know her work will also in the future help me with several things. I cannot thank her enough for this.
In this episode it kinda felt she´s only half there, not intimidated by him but kinda "off", not laid back but kind of, yes, half there. I´m sorry if this isn´t explained good enough, english is not my first language.
And lastly: her content usually speaks to everyone, besides gender, culture and sexual orientation. Hussey is a straight dating coach, therefore this content is highly heteronormative. Which I felt excluded from as a lesbian woman. And no, many things in the heterosexual world is not translatable into the lesbian and gay community.
You know, everything doesn't have to be for everyone. You don't have to like everything on the menu -- just pick what you want and enjoy it. If there's nothing to pick, order elsewhere! Also, people don't have to have identical or even similar views to have an interesting conversation.
@@hhumh6911 Same goes for you.
And just bc I don't like everything "on the menu" it doesn't mean I shouldn't express my view on that just bc some - like you apparently - don't like it. It's not on you to explain to me how I should interact with content I find questionable. Critical thinking is part of any process.
@@calizero8503 totally agree with you about thinking critically. It's really important to keep reminding ourselves that Hussey is essentially a salesman so his bottom line is always going to have a huge influence on the advice he provides.
True! I am a straight single woman, but always found his videos off putting and lacking substance. He gives me a bit of narcissistic vibe himself. And he's rather a pop psychology influencer ( can't find a better description), but he somehow knows how to touch vulnerable spots in women who lack self-confidence and how to sell himself 🤷
I love how genuinely they were both enthralled with the opprtunity to speak with one another.
Falling in love with plan B and accepting to the point that you are glad Plan A didn't happen.... my oldest son is adopted. If I hadn't struggled with infertility, I wouldn't have him in my life. And my life would be completely less whole.
Mom told me she wanted a grandson. Well, she got… a granddaughter. She also wanted a boy when she was pregnant with me. So it is driven in our heads since early days that girls are inferior, “more difficult than boys”, and so on. No wonder we do not understand our worth until we get into “toxic” relationships. Such as a shame. Thank you for the great conversation.❤
Narcissist are experts at pretending to be the perfect "dater". They hide, they sneak, they pretend to be your ideal partner... then you get married and find out... the rest of the story as it dribbles in.
When I decided to leave my marriage, I had to create a plan B and fall in love with it. That looked like falling in love with a whole bunch of new things: struggling to support myself (looking at apartments and housing in a new way), finding ways to recreate myself as a single/solo mom, letting go of being taken care of, being excited about meeting new people and learning about myself through dating. It was a lot and took YEARS before I finally left because it was easier to ignore my truths.
Congratulations!
This is me but we never married. I can say after 22 years it's still the same process since we have teens & very much can get along. I however can't live with a lack of intimacy & adventure. His hobbies overpower mine so I'm finally spreading my wings. I'll figure it out...
OH ! My heart goes out to Dr Ramani as a baby girl. 💖💝💖
Me too 😢💔
Rubs me the wrong way when I hear: “Thank God we are having a boy” WTH? Even more so coming from a woman. Girls internalize the subtle (or not so subtle) message of “You are inferior” from their early days. Very few parents teach their daughters how to respect themselves and it is one of the most practical skills we need in life.
Wow, standards are so right on… playing the long game with the appropriate investment … authentic behaviors & showing up! You both have helped me grow immensely!!! Thank you!
Alone with a cat is just not so bad! 33 years with a narcissist, no need for a proper diagnosis! I had a masters in experience!
Honestly, Matthew can speak to his perspective as a conventionally attractive, white cisgender man. He has the privilege to not be a red flag detective. Personally for me, that’s exactly who I want to be. I have been socialized to let people take advantage of me from my parents, to teachers, coaches, & bosses who should have had my best interest in mind who were only interested in getting what they wanted out of me. I definitely agree with some of what he shared but for some people who are particularly susceptible to being manipulated and ‘had’ so to speak honing our red flag detective skills IS what we should be focused on. Of course once we feel like we can do that with efficacy we can relax a bit. The key takeaway is to GO SLOW and learn the person and allow yourself to be learned. But honestly most men don’t know much about needing to be hyper vigilant. As a straight woman I need to be on guard for men who are legitimately going to physically harm me if they feel rejected by me. Furthermore, as a dating coach Matthew makes money off teaching women how to play games with emotionally unavailable men. He’s out of his depth here. That’s how I feel.
Chantelle: Awesome comment, spot on!
Totally agree.
Rubbish. His fundamentals are about NOT playing games. He literally says playing games with people's hearts is dangerous and be very careful. I have been very successful twice on his advice. I also have very good standards.
I agree. He's monetising women's insecurities and wish to find "the one". I don't find his teachings revolutionary in any way. And I find it difficult to follow him on top of that. I mean, Dr Ramani has a way more complex vocabulary and explains some deeper stuff, but I still find it easy ( and pleasant) to follow her
I have 4 tips:
- Get a high paying job
- Workout and consume a healthy diet AKA get fit
- Avoid arguments of any kind, stay away from those environments, eventually this will come naturally
- Treat yourself to things that make you happy
Do this and watch things unfold
Omg I appreciate Dr R being vulnerable and transparent about her own experience. I have many of the same feelings and listening to her made me feel less alone and more sane. Very down to earth and real conversation. Helpful!
Thank you!
I didn't like Matthew's story about how he first ghosted his fiancée, and then zombied her. If it were me, I would have blocked and deleted him from my contacts. The nerve!
And this while selling this image of rs expert helping women in distress ( while being paid for his good deeds 😏). The audacity!
MH speaks about trusting. I trusted my partner for over a decade, then made a discovery. Got help for the relationship and did my best to trust again. What happened was gaslighting, narcissistic abuse, lying and cheating. Lying and impressing during therapy. Good idea to begin with trust, but it doesn’t necessarily work.
He actually talks more about having standards and always working on yourself striving to be your true self.
I come from a very long line of first born Scottish males named Robert. It was never said to me directly, but I always knew I ruined centuries of tradition and lineage as a first born girl. I remember at a young age being at a family function and saying that everyone must be disappointed that I was a girl and seeing a roomful of dropped jaws. I don’t know if it’s because I made the connection without being told or because I had enough balls to say it out loud!
All that to say, it set me up for confidence issues and feeling very uncertain about where I fit in my family and the greater world.
They could have named you Roberta.
I’m writing a book about how Multiple Sclerosis became my biggest blessing, rescued me from a marriage to a psychopathic narcissist.
My journey from disabled to enabled.
I think it’s a good read, unless you’re the narcissist.
❤❤❤
VERY happy to see the next season. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability Dr. Ramani .
This was me, something was better than nothing, but that something cost me six years and a whole lot of devaluing of myself. I am 67 now. I did not have six years to throw away so casually. It would have been better to be alone during that time to discover me.
I think my ex wanted a fan. When I tried to talk to him about slowing down the relationship he would get upset no matter how kindly I brought it up or how up front. And whenever I held him accountable for messing up or acting childish .. he couldn’t take it. Instead he wanted me to just deal with his inability to make good decisions, surround himself with bad friendships, make ridiculous economic decisions and then complain about everything to me…and when offered solutions he seemed to get annoyed by me or just dismiss me. Then why complain? And he wanted me to mirror his feelings back to him whenever he complimented me or told me he loved me or missed me.
When she started to tell about her vulnerability about her current relationship and how if it blew up she doesn't trust that she could do it again...in those moments, she looked the most feminine, the prettiest, I've seen her. Its interesting that when we are guarded, it even changes the way you look.
Text them back! It’s better than waiting around wondering. If the person tells you in one way or another, that they are not interested, they’re the wrong guy!
I like the picture of someone wanting to come through the wall rather than the door. That’s huge.
I wonder now, with the epidemic of loneliness, the desire to hold out for someone who is willing to invest on par with you is slowly dissolving. Many of those in relationships abandon friendships and don't want community outside of a relationship which not only puts a heck of a lot of pressure on your partner but also makes your previous friends very very lonely which can lead people to go and try and find a relationship because we're told that is the answer to loneliness (which isn't true).
The part where Matthew talks about Audrey's text is really good: it's a real life example from him, with vulnerability, lessons learned, it's real! That's really touching. Same for Ramani's part where she talks about her childhood that forged how she entered into relationship. I'ts, I think, the first time I see those two do that and I'm grateful for them opening a bit more bu talking about their journey. ❤️🙏
I must say I was really positive surprised from the level of subjects discussed. Nice podcast. Dr Ramani, as a female physician with middle east origin I can understand the hardship for the women of color. Somehow our culture has disappointed us but honestly western culture has disappointed me too. The world is still not ready for women, who are career oriented and opinioted. Most of such ladies around me found love in blind dates organized by their friends and I see the point, these are the men who value such ladies .
Wow I'm in tears feel the same way Dr Ramani several narcs and this last one worst. Six months since seen her in two months re blocked her from trying to Hoover me back and I'm in a lot of pain and I just want to move on and it's so difficult and I'm sitting here in tears watching. I hope I can get over it I'm such a mess. I did it tho I said no and blocked...day 62 of forever still so painful cuz dad a narc and arguing w him on phone haven't seen yrs since mom died suddenly and was born in cult.
When ending up in a relationship where you have to verify facts, that's a little too much. You have to just go with your gut & if you choose to ignore those red flags one by one as flags passing you by, you have to have responsibility for your own choices in the actions you portrayed in this scenario. You're not the victim at fault. You also contributed to the outcome of ignoring your first red flag getting out of dodge.
How a partner shows up in their behavior daily is key, in the end that's what helps me make my decision. As soon as contempt, insult, criticism show up then it's time to go.
I will never understand how anyone could treat a person who is there for them in an intimate relationship with anything less that respect and kindness. If ANYONE likes us, wants to spend time with us and seems to think we are important, and is kind to us we should make sure we recognize that and value it. Because in my life's experience you can go a very long time and not meet anyone who gives a toss about you, at all. True connection and a potential for healthy love is a rare thing, something worth working towards and showing up for by being our own best self. And, appreciating it as the special thing that it is.
When hiring: I always talk with references. Also, if it's too good to be true - it's NOT! I also found this - beware of eccentric dressers. They often will NOT conform to working well within a team. Put people through actual skills-based experiences during an interview process - this will usually remove about 70% of the applicants from consideration. Talk is cheap - show us you can DO it. If you apply these ideas to dating then do the same thing. Talk to people who know the person. Beware of love bombing. Put them through the paces - don't make things easy for them. Take dates camping or on hard hikes. See how they handle difficulties. Then slow things down - way down. Oh, and always maintain your separate finances - do NOT become vulnerable to other people financially.
Wooohhh, I can't believe that I am seeing Matthew Hussey talking to Dr. Ramani and bringing this conversation to public!! You guys are truly amazing!! Thank you so much! Kind regards, from Madeira Island.
What's so bad about dying alone? I would rather die alone than have someone who uses me. I mean, literally, wth. Standards is the empowerment. Have standards for yourself. If you want to set the bar super low - lying. Lying is horrible. Lying, if you don't do that? Then why justify it in other people?
10:56 don't go head over heels on first dates either. Go slow watch for 90 days.29:27 standards if you've got legacy. I got boundaries.hitting or two timing its OVER to me
I needed this podcast right now.... The segment about not having a reference point and going back to the same person or type of relationship has hit home so much with me that I have already backed this up and rewatched it 4 times already
Go in without an agenda. Just have fun.
People reveal themselves in time.
I love how Dr Ramani breaks things down and summarizes the conversation. It brings it all together.
Wow this was such a deep and meaningful podcast. You both discussed issues that go undiscussed so much in society. I appreciated the vulnerability you both showed. Absolutely amazing. I wish everyone could listen to this conversation it would change so many lives in such a positive way
Dr Ramani, THANK you for sharing a bit about your story. I love this new age where we don't have to idolize our teachers, they don't have to hide and pretend they are better than everyone else for us to listen to them. It is our vulnerabilities, it is our negative experiences that provide us the DRIVE to do valuable work in the world. So I just wanted to acknowledge the vulnerability you have shared here with us, it is important and I hope you feel appreciated and embraced for doing so.
That’s so sad about the whole cultures where woman is devalued and receives trauma from the very beginning - just for being the “wrong” gender. So many of them in the world! That wires additionally to stand abusive relationships. So relatable!
I love Dr. Ramani's raw honesty here. 💕
I didn't know her story. Now I empathize with her much more.
That phrase,I’de rather have something than nothing at all.. that made me cry which caught me by surprise.. I realize I need to reevaluate my standards in my relationship.. Thank you for that simple phrase and simple understanding of one’s own value..
The openness & honesty from the both of you is truly remarkable, brave & incredibly appreciated. Your heartfelt “truth” Dr warmed & touched my heart. Thank you 🙏🏻
I’m so impressed by Dr. Ramani even more than before. Thank you so much for letting yourself be vulnerable this means so much more and 💯 relatable.
The part where she opened up really helped a lot.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, for bringing up the biological clock and time concern. I am 36 and my most recent online experience was filled with criticisms from men telling me I am too old to have a child.
Those are some shitty men. You have around another 10 years of fertility. If you're healthy, there's nothing to worry about biologically.
I just ended a 3 1/2 year relationship with a narcissist. I should have listened to my instincts. When I met him the first time I felt like I was punched in the stomach.
"in dating we don't get references".. in the middle east here it's common to go meet the person's family, neighbours, friends and acquaintance to know how they're like treating people and such
Agreed that at the end of the day, if you are not happy or things do not make sense even if you love the person and would like it to work ...It really doesn't matter what they are, they are not right for you
It is so difficult to meet people these days. I have tried online dating and it is definitely not for me. I'm in my late 40's and have pretty much accepted that I may never meet my person. I choose to remain single... it's better than being in one unsatisfying relationship after another.... especially with a narcissist.
I can relate to this so much. I recently discovered that my father has been a narcissist, and it's been a difficult journey to come to terms with how this has affected me and my relationships. But through awareness and understanding, I'm finally on the path to healing. To anyone else going through something similar, know that you're not alone and that awareness truly is the first step towards healing.
Both of you working together, a BLESSING! I really enjoy hearing you both on different podcast and shows here on YT.
Second season on. My life officially makes sense again.
Yes, when you stand up for yourself your phone doesn't ping as much. Learned to say no to siblings for $ and they no longer ask. 👍 Thanks very much
I’m so glad season two is here! I also didn’t know they were video episodes of the podcast, thank you!
Dr. Bruce Lipton says 85 percent of people didn't experience self-love or self-acceptance, because their parents didn't teach them self-love and confidence at age 0 - 7...The first 7 years are the most important for child's brain to save the most important subconscious programs, that they use in adulthood. The subconscious programs work exactly the same as the computer program.
So it means the guys also were taught to be tough and not experience some artistic philosophies or whatever, that inspire them.
I loved the content. Just felt that he kind of minimized a little how much an empty shell that a person is after years of a narcissistic relationship. My marriage is ending after 18 years and I honestly think I'll never be able to date and trust men again (because I totally know I'm wired only to toxic relationships and absolutely cannot trust myself). I'm 41yo, I love connection, touch, hugs and kisses, and the thought of being alone for the rest of my life is terrifying, but I don't see any other safe alternative. It's heart wrenching. I'm completely terrified of my future...
Thank you very much for this episode. Dr Ramani when listening to the episode I realised I have been justifying my horrible (yes it was horrible) and traumatic in almast every possible way my childhood and teenaged years when living at home. When my siblings tried to say something negative about it I always said that you can either remember the good or the bad things. It's about you not the experience. Oh my goodness how well was I trained. It was unbearable. Thank you for that.
Re. The episode it looks like Matthew didn't do his homework on narcissism (even though you are friends). Your questions are spot on Dr Ramani but it looks (I might be wrong) that because Mathew doesn't know the subject like you do he doesn't give the answer that is waited for rather than changes slightly to the subject he knows really well.
All my best to both of you.
You are both great in your fields!
“How a person shows up” is the reason I just ended my recent marriage. Are they easily angered? Will they ever consider that I have needs? Will they ever 😢care about the hurt they caused with their words? Why is it that all I see from him is minimal effort? Is there another man out there that wants the relationship as much as I do?
Being Equal "fans" Genuinely is necessary too! I totally believe the best relationships happen rather than being conditioned or played - they're Natural and Honest. Sometimes it becomes apparent much later that it isn't what you thought it was. Personally, I don't take this as a wound but an experience. I have the luxury of not having the "time" issue though. So that means my approach is not rushed for Any reason ever. The saying, "If you love someone set them free, and if they come back they are yours; if they don't (come back) they never were"... rings very true in my real experiences. One just cannot force anyone else to remain or return UNLESS IT IS GENUINE LOVE & RESPECT - and one shouldn't because it doesn't work short/longterm because it never was genuinely meant to be. Just be yourself (no game playing or acting like something/someone you are not) and be Strong&Confident enough in Knowing there will be many who don't think you are the best thing since sliced bread - That is OK - don't take that personally. Be Patient in findind the one that IS your other half AND you are theirs Genuinely. Caveat: You will have to "kiss a lot of toads" in the coupling process. Sometimes it comes SO close, but no deal - those hurt. Be patient and do not lose your confidence.
I havent even started yet bit I'm really excited- I found Matthew Hussey back in 2016 and did his program and courses and he was integral in my self care. I realized quickly in that I was depleted and had completely lost myself between my relationships, work, and I quickly realized it really is necessary to create a love life of yourself and the things that light you up inside or you're just going to keep picking the same characters for traumas that keep playing out consciously and subconsciously.
Aaaand enter Dr. Ramani a couple years later, lol. And all her insightful brilliant work. Grey rock saved my life, many times, many occasions. Knowing WHY they were behaving as they were saved my heart, and knowing there was nothing I could od about it but move out the way and take care of me and my kids saved my soul.
I'm really excited for this podcast- two awesome teachers in one room. Thank you both for your work.🙏
I think,"We'll see," needs to be the mindset even after time has lapsed and the relationship has gotten serious, because there are Narcissistic individuals can hold the mask in place until after marriage or birth of a baby.
Its baffling how different the image we have about ourselves is from the image others have. Dr Ramani comes across as such determined, self sufficient and strong person ( which she definitely is), you'd never think she would settle for someone who treats here any other way than right. It's somehow comforting to know we're all humans at the end of the day. It was funny that she mentioned the single cat lady, I sometimes think I'm gonna die alone. Is it a sad thing to think about? Sure it is. But I prefer it to being with someone who makes me feel lost and wondering who I was before meeting them and how did it come so far?
After a lifetime of trauma even though I have worked on myself and wanting a partner, I am unwilling to be w a Man who does not provide safety. My 5 cats provide that. Abd Id rather have peace w my cats than no peace or safety w/o them or a man who does not provide that.
Here was a frist red flag. A woman invited me to lunch and when we were being seated she said;" I want a booth near window,I'm not looking at her face all the time whoa! Then I was told if you need a ride anywhere I'm here. i did and she screamed at me thoughout the ride I wanted out of course, she didn't. now she questions my motive for going to the senior center,like there's an alterior motive for trying to fellowship. No counselors available here and I'm lost how to stop this person without leaving the center altogether. I do attract nacs like a magnet. Thank you for your u tubes so much
Dr Ramani it’s not every day and every physiologist who a) have been born in the different culture b) admits to the indifferences of culture and the effect of that in their upbringing and c) admits even though they are successful that those conditions and cultural differences have made them have a different outlook in life. Sadly in some cultures it’s not even the parents fault because had they been educated and had access to other point of view or were in the different environment, they would have learnt better so they wouldn’t have treat their amazing daughters in such ways. Women in many countries are second class citizens as they have been tiered down due to the religion or culture or aristocracy. I am glad you have become the voice of this particular issue. It’s very courageous and vulnerable. I think this will make parents or future parent question themself and hopefully they will become a catalyst for change and we break this toxins belief. For my parents they got to learn this in their older age, and the mistakes they had made for wanting boys over girls. My dad comment was I am so glad God ignored my wishes and I hope you girls forgive me for making you feel not wanted. I know your parents deep down also feel this, but there’s huge amount of ego that come with parents from certain culture and or religion and that admitting or apologising is not something they learnt or comfortable at their core. Your statement made me want to write this so you can read that you are not alone in this. Much love ❤
Thank you Dr. Ramani for being authentic and your willingness to be vulnerable about feeling a insecure in the realm of dating. I would never have guessed that about you based on your confidence and your intolerance for mistreatment of others, I can relate to the idea that when it comes to others, I’m the first to stand up for the underdog for the abuse or mistreatment of another but yet I have accepted much less for myself. I respect your insight more as I grow in my own healing
My favorite episode so far and video too! Amazing ❤❤❤
This was amazing.Thank you.
Im glad your starting a podcast. IT would be nice to get all kinds of experts that are qualified to talk about topics related to other frields.
What a privilege to listen to the two of my favourite people on the internet. Both of you changed and rewired my mind in so many ways i can't begin to describe. You are both truly genuine souls with the mission to help and the way you articulate your thoughts is just something I'm looking up to. I feel so grateful for this talk and for both of you.
I wish you energy and drive to keep your exceptional work going.
With love 😘
This is out of this world. I stumbled upon something with a similar message, and it was absolutely astonishing. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Amazing discussion thank you for sharing
I enjoyed this combo as I did follow Matthew for a while but struggle to fully understand his concepts sometimes but you concretize them. It is a great pairing.
This means the MOST rn.
TY 🙏🏻 💜
Thank you for podcast, there were so many take aways. I’ve just gotten out of a marriage with covert narcissist and have been ruminating over all the red flags I ignored or explained away. I had always thought I was a great judge of character and yet ignored the red flags, so interesting and helpful to hear “I don’t know”, that has really stuck and the plan B. Working on what the plan B looks like.
Oh Dr Ramini I just want to put my arms around you and show you how much loveliness and beauty you have inside and out. I can absolutely relate to this. I just wound not be able to admit it because I would be so ashamed. Thank you for your openness and willingness to share this with us. You are beautiful and we love you for you, just being you without all the advice just you alone is that special child that you notice nobody sees but you grew and that’s all that beauty is there and you just weren’t appreciated but that insecurity has been welded inside and my heart breaks for you. You are truly wonderful thank you for all you do but mostly for being you
Thanks for supporting us!
Im In aa sobriety and getting to know someone is so lovely and to take my time is so nice. Last relationship helped me to get in to therapy and fins out y I was attracted to toxic men xx
Both of you have had tremendous impact on my life when I was struggling the most. Both of you validated my version of what I was experiencing in abusive relationships and encouraged, literally, me to have the courage to value myself too. I am now happily married and am supporting so many people. Im on the other side. One day, I would love to shake each of your hands and say thank you.
Until then, thank you. ❤
❤️ This is beautiful, thank you so much for your constant help Dr. Ramani and Matthew.
Gold pure Gold & wisdom for all !!!!!!!!!!!
This is a powerful, informative, helpful interview, and conversation! Appreciate you both!
Great podcast. Thank You.
Such a great conversation here, thank you.