Why is everyday so hard!
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- čas přidán 11. 02. 2024
- You might be inadvertently making your life more difficult because of one simple behavior.
Our social structures are based on punishment, and this is the major obstacle for why you don't change.
Avoiding punishment is the less effective internal driver. Sure, we don't want pain, suffering, loss, grief, discomfort - no one really does. But, our brains are wired to want reward even more than it wants to avoid punishment.
This is why punishing yourself for failures just turns into a vicious cycle with no correction.
I'm going to show you how to control this response and change it to relieve some of the burden of everyday life.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.
I'm glad that today instead of calling myself lazy and a hoarder, I instead went through a box of stuff on my living room floor that I've been avoiding, donated most of it, threw away the rest, and now I've got two square feet of clear floor space. Yay for me. 😁🏆
congrats!
@MagisterialVoyager 💐 Thank you. Every little bit of encouragement helps.
@@bhornannawindeedeigh5007 of course, i totally understand.
Well done 👏🙂. A small victory 😃👍
@melodymonger Thank you, Melody! Plus, I cleared out another box... not a whole lot, but it's something, yeah? 😁 I simply have to remember to focus on what I am doing and not on the mountains I have yet to demolish. 😢😅
This is like a form of self-compassion that truly works to facilitate healing. The world does mete out punishment every day. There is no need to be harsh or critical to ourselves, rather to do the opposite.
Self - compassion is the hardest for me!
My therapist retired six months ago, and this is now my therapy. After being in therapy more than 40 years I understand everything you’re saying in your videos but I haven’t heard a therapist say them or say them so plainly. Your videos are full of useful, applicable advice. They are keeping me going, and helping me tremendously. Thank you so much ❤ my diagnosis is dysthymia since age 5, but I go into major depression at times for years. Also CPTSD and I have 10 of 10 ACEs. I hope you will do a video on the ACEs. Learning that I had 10 profoundly changed my understanding of myself and my issues, mentally and physically.
Thank you so much!
You never give up on the world getting better, do you? It seems to me that you devote so much of your time to people like me. Go gently, Dr Scott, with your really effective downloads. You are the best among your peers and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. From Ruth x
Growing up, my "reward" for anything and everything was to simply not be punished, so I've continued to live my adult life that way. Punishment is the default. Reward is being able to avoid the punishment. If you go down this road, the "punishment" will become more and more severe until you question whether or not you need to be institutionalized, and the thought of being in an institution becomes the driving motivation for doing the bare minimum to keep yourself above water.
I have never said this before , because it’s never made any difference for me to know I am not alone - frankly Id I’d never assumed I was the only person who suffered from crippling depression FROM CHILDHOOD TO NOW 55 YEARS .
I’d see the people around me - other children suffering the same kinds of shit as myself at the time 💔 it always seemed obvious to me 🤷 but what you have described -WOW , I’m sort of kinda happy to know I’m not the only person who feels this way …. IM SORRY YOUR HURTING 💔🫂 . It sucks
Years ago when I was a new mom I saw Lea Thompson on Arsenio Hall (way back then!) She was telling him that she loves doing laundry and she briefly explained why. I remember thinking, “I wish I loved doing laundry!” I started an experiment pretending that I loved it.
To this day I still love doing laundry and getting it all squared away.
I'm sure you hear this hundreds of times a day, but your videos have been more impactful and applicable to me than years of therapy. Thank you so much for what you do.
Dougie is definitely on the couch. ☺
It's just that nothing feels like a reward anymore. When I do a hard thing / reach a goal and treat myself for it, there's no or barely any pleasure.
I feel the same way. My entire life I've never been able to register any sense of reward or pride. My dad embedded in me that life itself is a punishment and I have to do everything 100% right so I can skirt under the radar of its consequences. When's things went slightly wrong for me I'd fall back to this. It got to the point that nothing was worth the effort. Even making coffee in the morning feels like a punishment.
@@alexiswinter6948 sorry about that. Making coffee or tea for myself is satisfying...y'know, for 10 minutes 😉
Dr. Scott also has a video about ahedonia
Same here. Nothing comes with a reward, even good things. I don’t punish myself. I am benevolent and caring with myself, but I don’t feel joy or pleasure internally. I try to do things I know will be beneficial, but it is so hard because even consciously I know they are good for me in the long term, I can’t feel any reward despite my efforts to congratulate myself. As pointed out before, it’s called anhedonia. Supposedly, meds can help us with this, eventually. I hope so, because no therapist I believe can help us. I was a teacher and I agree a long term reward oriented life is much worth it, but the problem comes when the reward doesn’t feel like it, even if you know is there.
Doc, I'm 100% certain that this reinforcement from this video is going to help me... I'm also 100% sure that this video (alongside your larger catalog of mental health education videos) will *literally* save lives. Thank you!!
i hope your demons never come back because you are healing me, and so many people.
they come back...
In the example of putting away the laundry the answer is quite simple. Hire a housekeeper to put away the laundry, mop and wax the floors, do the cooking etcetera.
Another incredible offering from Dr. Scott. Thank you for gifting us this perspective, tool, and strategy. 🔑
If 'punishment' equates somehow to a negative self image that denigrates subconsciously...then I align with the consequences as described. Anyway, I had a friend who was all about reward based activity...and I could not relate. I will now see if setting a reward for completing a task actually helps me face and get it done.
Finally..... Steve, you've gotten over your procrastination.
I think there was research conducted that shown that fear of punishment is around x5 more effective than a vision of reward.
This content actually brought to light how much I actually use punishment to try to motivate myself, so thank you Dr. Scott!! I am a college student, and after watching this video I have found myself be able to study when I want/need to using the reward method instead of punishment method. I realized that using punishment to get me motivated actually caused me to procrastinate more on tasks I want and need to get done.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Ooh that is exactly what I needed to listen right now!!! Thanks! I'll try it this very moment
Me too!
This makes so much sense. I’ve watched a few videos of yours now, and I have to say they’ve filled in the missing pieces that got me so frustrated with therapy. Thank you.
Thank you. This made me go back onto the rowing machine after 3 days of 'excuses' and self reprimand 💚
Do you have a hydrow?
@@DrScottEilers haha, just looked it up. Noooo, far too expensive for little me! Mine is a plain simple device. I listen to you while rowing
@@jomckee4447 I have the “cheap” hydrow just wondered if we ever battled each other on the leaderboards
@@DrScottEilers Had to look that up too. No, we haven't, which is a good thing as I would be the self titled winner of the universe. It's a good thing we don't.💚
This makes perfect sense! Thank you!
People crave acknowledgment from others and the more often people don’t get acknowledged the more likely they are to think there’s something wrong with them
That explains a lot. Other people only acknowledge me when they need something or if I fucked up
@@Swiss816
And most likely you aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s sad how often people end up saying they should have taken the time when someone else was still alive and now it’s too late.
This also informs leadership. Positive unscheduled random reinforcement for desired behaviors is the strongest long term behavior changer. And it doesn't burn people out. We often leave that tool untouched in favor of chasing people around with negative punishments.
this is something I really need to work on. I am full of self-hate, self-loathing so punishment is all I know. it isn't easy to move away from this. I will make an effort. Thank you Dr. Scott, man I really wish your practice was near me, I relate to you, I sense your aura even through the internet. it is comforting
I absolutely adore these thought provoking videos where you blow my mind with something simple that I never realise I am doing - but I totally am doing - and I DEFINITELY use the loophole - thinking I'm being kinder to myself by understanding 'why' I am too tired to do the 'thing'. Love this. It can likely change very small things like the laundry example to VERY big things in your life. Thank you.
I do think showing yourself understanding is more of a kindness than beating yourself up. You could see it as >one< step towards more kindness.
@@ShinyaKyo Yep I hear ya 😁. Except I tend to use it as an excuse to NOT push forwards into something that makes my life better and instead stay in negative slump etc.
I think what's so special about what Dr. Scott does is that he is straddling the division between psychology and philosophy.
I appreciate that. I think psychology on its own it’s frustratingly limiting
This video is brilliant. It is the single most powerful advice I have heard to fight pervasive negative self talk. Profound thanks!
Once again I find myself on a path undesired. I don’t understand this because I’ve been on the right one and happy. Not even certain how I got here. Your teaching may just be what helps me identify and turn my thinking back to a happier time. Good self talk is critical. Thank you Scott.
This makes a lot of sense.
So true! Whenever I am stuck somewhere I tell myself wherever you go there you are. I then try to think outside the box without staying inside the misery. Decide to abandon the self-sabotage. Once you recognize it. Give yourself that carrot and reward your own good behavior 🩷
Again, you get to the points that no one else ever mentions. You put it in a way that is easy to understand and use in reality. Thank you!!
This is brilliant. I am having a bit of trouble applying it though. I think I can explain by using the laundry example. So I intercept the thought "I no longer put the laundry away, I've given up on doing so because its just to hard, I'm a disgusting person and things are just getting worse". So to invert that I would have to say If I where to put the laundry away I can reward myself by feeling good that it was done. BUT I wouldn't feel good that it is done, not for very long at all. For that feeling to sustain I would need to believe that my actions would eventually change the quality of my life, right now, and for the majority of my life I really don't feel that way at all. Logically, I know its possible.. That's why I keep going through the motions of the various things that I am still doing.. So the question is:
What do you do when you can't find a worthwhile reward?
My mind is drawn to say, hey put the laundry away and you get a candy bar. and yeah that would work, but eventually It would loose its appeal and I would be more poor and more fat.
I guess I could make myself physically stand up and cheer for myself in excitement as a reward, but without the belief that things will get better I feel like this would be empty.
I hope you understand my my problem. Any advice?
Diminishing returns. Spot on. I'm fifty four. I've put that bloody laundry away thousands of times. Nothing is ever 'done'. Everything is just 'done some more'. So, should I try to incorporate a regular shock of being way outside my comfort zone? I, kind of, have that already. About once a fortnight I am (figuratively speaking) removed from my cell to do the Green Mile walk. Get escorted back after a temporary reprieve, and a 'See you, again, in two weeks.' and then there are only a couple of days where there is any sense of relief before the panic starts to build again.
I need to get to work on a secret tunnel. I don't know which direction is 'out', though. I don't know where things like plumbing and other impenetrable obstacles are. And it's not like I can ask around. I know I'm mixing Shawshank with Green Mile but I think I need to get to Mexico. I need to spend those two reduced anxiety days digging my tunnel in the hope that I can get to somewhere without an extradition treaty. Or, I can barricade the cell door and the cell can be my Mexico - but then there's no food or water.
If not the candy bar, EternalKernel, is there anything else that you have identified that you still enjoy? It might be almost imperceptible, now, and worn smooth with over use. I still quite like sitting in the garden but, if I stay there till I feel okay there's only a moment of okay before 'I'm enjoying this too much. I have things I need to get on with.'
@@batintheattic7293 I think I'm at the point where I have to take away something and give it back if I do the "laundry" But thats just actually negative reinforcement though right? I might have a little extra money I could spend on my self weekly, though this will definitly not help me move out of my father in laws house (im 48). on the other hand no amount of saving my income will allow me to have enough money to move out before I'm dead of old age. So.. Maybe bribing myself is a good idea.
Maybe what I should do is spend more time drooling over material things... You see a looooong time ago like when I was 30 I decided I'll never have nice things.. maybe I need to un-decide that and allow my self to be motivated by thoughts of having those things. idk
Thankyou sincerely for this video. I am going to watch it regularly to continually reinforce that I need to retrain my mind to ignore thoughts of self flagellation and self hate, and instead to focus on self care and self respect; reward is indeed a much better and infinitely healthier motivator than punishment.
I was listening to this while staring at a huge of dishes in my sink. I'm going to do them right now so when I'm done I feel good that my kitchen is clean and I don't have to do them anymore😊
Absolutely brilliant insight! Thank you!
You do really talk about things no one else talks about.
Thank you for this content. Definitely an eye opener& I found it very helpful!
Not rewarding *enough* becomes a thing when there's something missing from your life, and doing the 'thing' doesn't move you closer to the thing that's missing.
Brilliant. Your guidance is going to change my life. Thank you.
You can do it!!
Hi Dr. Scott! It's me again. Yes, when I was a child I was always in trouble even when I didn't do anything wrong. It became a pattern for me in life of always fearing the worst and expecting things to always go wrong or that I just wouldn't meet anyone's expectations including myself. A good friend mentioned that I had learned helplessness. And I think that it might relate to this information you gave us today. More and more Dr. Scott you help us have the tools we need to get out of the life situations we have found ourselves in. Thank-you so very much! Now we have to use these tools even if it's hard to do. It just takes work to reframe the thought process to go a different path. Thank-you bonce again!!!
I can totally relate to what you say. You organised what the punishment and reward outcomes and patterns are like. I need to think more kinder to myself so I can accept kindness from others. It can be a hard lesson from so much pain in the past but I’m working on it (:
THIS is an answer to my question i wrote here a while ago.
Gladly I stopped punishing myself years ago and overcome the "dark" depression. I am able to find joy in the little things at home, but nowadays my subconscious still triggers the trauma reaction when I want to fulfill my dreams. I am stuck.
With your information know I see, that I *expect* punishment if I do the things I want to do from my heart. So I am afraid to be in contact with others...
The hint with reversing is simple and good. I'll try this from now on to change and hug my subconscious part. And yes, I feel that it is not easy.
Thank you a lot lot!
You're one of the only people I subscribe to that makes sense and offer realistic and practical responses.
Ugh! I saw myself in your laundry example. I do something very similar when it comes to cleaning my apartment. I tell myself , well, you've had a bad day, so who cares if you do it or not? And I do the self-punishment talk all the time. 😒 Now that you've explained the catch and reverse technique, I'm going to really try to stop. This is something we probably all know, but...old habits die hard. Thank you very much. 😊
I couldn't imagine a world without my dogs on my couch with me. They're my family; my world, and most of the time, my only comfort and happiness.
Thank you so much, this is incredibly helpful
A messy house feels the same as a clean house to me- there is no difference anymore. I don't remember the last time anything other than heavily medicated sleep felt like a reward. I feel like being alive and watching things unfold IS the punishment.
Very helpful .. please make another video on it with more examples and exercises.
Could you give more examples/suggestions on the reward side please
Thanks for everything Dr. Scott ❤
Excellent content. Love the specific examples to follow. Thank you.
This is a great video, I feel attacked 😂😂😂 I'll be working on changing my self punishing thoughts from now on
I always find it easier to movtivate myself to do what I'm supposed to do but harder to motivate myself to NOT do something I'm not supposed to do... like NOT eat that piece of cake when I'm not supposed to...
This was EXCELLENT ❤❤❤
I like how you point out that that's how the world is mostly functioning, and thus why we adopt these behaviors too. Instead of (passively) acting like the world is fine but something's wrong with the patient. Also that it's actually hard to act against that. Because that's been my experience. You try to act positively, open up and trust etc. because therapists etc. make you believe that's what "healthy" is but then so many people in the actual world go ahead and behave in toxic ways, making you question yourself all over again.
I always had an issue with the "rewarding yourself" concept because the way I heard it what was suggested was either some sort of food, mostly chocolate, or some sort physical activity. In the first case, for me it's like "ok, but I'll have to pay for it, so I'm actually punishing myself." and also, I'm not gonna stuff myself each time with chocolate when I don't feel like it, or withhold it when I do just so I can use it as reward for things I don't want to do anyway, because that would be a punishment too. As for the physical activity, that would be a punishment because I also would need to do it when I don't feel like it, but also just always have low energy.
What I gather from this video though is that the sense of accomplishment of the task, or the direct outcome of it is supposed to serve as reward, and you should take time to revel in it. I can get onboard with that.
I have heard the advice about punishment vs reward before, put in different words. And my problem was always that I don't actually think out these things in my thoughts. It would be kinda easy if I did. But for me, I might notice that I feel bad, but it can be hard to figure out what underlying belief is under it that causes it. Or I may know (or think so) what makes me feel that way but feel powerless to do anything about it.
I'll try and see whether I can apply this "reverse thinking" to things I think I know the cause of..
I think a major problem for me is that I still believe that my defense mechanisms from childhood still serve me, so I can't get rid of them (going back to the toxic people comment above).
What would be a fantastic, and much more direct form (than chocolate - for example) of reward, would be an obvious and pretty immediate drop in anxiety. But then, again, that's running away from punishment. I need to watch this video, again, as my mind was doing its usual thing of racing off course and I'm not sure the information went in properly.
OMG - Let Dougie on the couch!! He's a good doggie and you are his world. Also, fur = LOVE!! 🥰
Thank you. ❤
Thank you.
Can you PLEASE do a video on things to do for severe depression! I’m sick of seeing the typical - workout, eat healthy, get enough sleep, take meds, etc. I’m doing all these things and yet I STILL get depressed. So debilitating. Please help!
I really like this video. I know this is something I need to work on a lot. I feel like I find it hard to articulate my own thoughts to myself which would be the hardest obstacle. But perhaps I can turn this into a writing exercise so I can understand it better...hm. Thank you. I think it's good to emphasize learning why we want something because that is also really difficult to understand.
At 12:00 he describes one reason the job of stay-at-home mom sucks. Some people think being a mom who works is more challenging. Maybe sometimes physically but certainly not mentally. DEFINITELY NOT MENTALLY.
Thank you a lot!
I love this!
This was great!
It is amazing how I can relate to every video that he posts
You are so special. Probably because you went through many différent and difficult Times yourself. But this is not enough to really help others. You have that precious 💎 way of explaining that is so simple and understandable, also with the examples you give. It’s just great that I can benefit of all your vidéos from Switzerland 😊❤. This one will help me a lot to cure my usual procrastination. And I will enjoy looking for rewards ideas 😉 Thank you so much 🙏
THIS MAKES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH SENSE TO ME!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
Thank you❤
Thank you 🙏🏼 Also, maybe compromise with the puppy and get a sofa cover? I can’t imagine not allowing our two puppies get on the sofa, especially given how close they are with us and enjoy being part of as many activities as possible. I have allergies so I get it. But a hairy house comes with the reward of having a puppy. Nothing to do with the video but wanted to share. Much love to your puppy.
And again, thank you so much for your content. I watch all of your videos and am learning to embrace the pieces of me that don’t smoothly fit in with my surroundings ✨
I think, maybe, if Dr. Scott doesn't like getting dog hair on him but Mrs. Scott doesn't mind - a reasonable compromise is for Mrs. Scott to keep a throw folded up beside the sofa for when Dr. Scott isn't there. Fewer marital contretemps and, perhaps, the dog will learn that when the throw is on the sofa the dog can be on the sofa. The reward suggested by the throw on the sofa opposed to the punishment suggested by the Doctor on the sofa. ;)
Enjoyed the talk 😊
Good advice 👍
You do such a fantastic job Dr Scott, I find myself on all your videos. Where do you find all this energy? I am jealous on your energy, I feel like your doggy on the sofa ❤
today. i dont feel like i can make a difference in anyone's life. i am not suicidal, just in a funk. .
* video title * TURN AROOOOUUUND
Dr Scott, thank you for your insights, glad I found your channel. I was wondering if you ever heard of a individual person who somehow become a dumping ground for everyone's problems?
This seems to be my deal, for example I was walking my dog and this complete stranger asks me if I usually walk this path. I said no, why?
He said there is a girl laying on the sidewalk in distress can you check on her. I looked down the path and saw nothing, he said she is further ahead.
So I walked away and thought....why is this stranger dumping his problem on me when I was never the person who encountered this girl in the first place!
Anyway my issue is, this seems to be my problem, my achilles heel, my burden. I'm talking all kinds of dumping on me from friends, family and co-worker and even ex relationships. it's like an invisible disease, even strangers! Like what is it ??????
Can you please talk about CPTSD, and tools to deal with it. I think there are a lot of us that have been going through this our entire lives. I have been white knucking life for 56 years.
I literally put my laundry away while listening to this
Interesting. I'm actually the opposite... I look for loopholes for rewards _(I just give myself the thing)._ I also do & put away the laundry/ clean/ etc because I don't want to have to redo tasks/ do them with more intensity.
The thing about self rewarding, though, is the diminishing returns. Going by the laundry analogy - the first time one sees everything put away and neat the feeling is great. Once you've done it a few thousand times you start to think of how to make less washing.
I want to get back to the kind of psychological reward I would get when I was very little and I had done a wonderful job tidying my bedroom. Outside the room was often chaotic but inside it was all under my control. I had an easily defensible space. The boundaries were well defined. Everything, in its right place, was a mood booster. The shine has worn off the rewards, now. I think I learned just how permeable I am. There is no defensible space unless it's a small cluster of cells in my lizard brain.
I discovered something odd, though. If I am physically prevented from doing the things that I usually struggle to find motivation for, for long enough, I really really really want to do them. It becomes all I can think about. The loss of muscle, from being stationary for so long, becomes less of an impediment than it should be. Maybe Sundays played a much more critical role than we ever realised. Forced to do nothing, for one day a week, is a miniature form of being hospitalised for a fortnight. Homo sapiens just never rests, now. Even when we sleep we know it's to aid what we must do when we wake.
Didn't Dr. Scott talk, recently, about imagining we will never be able or allowed to put the laundry away ever again? Or something like it will be the last time we will ever be able to do it? When you think you can't do it - you really want to do it.
Nobody wants to do laundry, it's a never ending, thankless job, same with all the housework.
Mmm dinner was great! Thanks, as they ALL leave room, the table, and the dishes, and counters, and the sweeping. I don't want the effing compliment that the food was good. I would like to have someone cook for me for the last 50 years, and shop for it, and clean it up, too.
How about polish the woodwork? And damn there is a lot of it! Or plan the birthday parties, holiday doings, buy the perfect presents, make the magic. No one is waiting on me.
So I quit!!! Sure...
Hey, Dr. Scott. Peace. I have a question. I recently started exercising after getting inspired by one of your videos. I'm actually doing it to make my anxiety around assignments more manageable so I don't procrastinate. I tell myself that I don't ever want to feel that feeling of pain that comes from procrastinating again. Is this self punishment? Or something in the middle? I find it to be a pretty strong motivator. My only fear is that it won't work, and I'll procrastinate anyway. If it's not good for me, how do I invert?
Do I just tell myself about how good I'll feel when I conquer my procrastination? Because I think I do tell myself that as well. I say both...
A side question: does exercise help with procrastination?
Could not find how to join ahead of time as 'waiting'. Also, I chose to be notified...and was not.
Dear Dr. Eilers, would it be possible to get a links to research behind these dynamics; reward and punishment as motivator? ❤
Can it also be true that if you use internalized punishment long enough that you are just beaten down into worthlessness? This video makes a lot of sense to me. I'm completely burned out and hopeless. I keep trying to dig myself out but I think I am using negative self treatment to do it because it's all I know and I've reached a point where going on feels pointless. Changing that feels impossible because being nice to myself used to get me in trouble (me and my siblings.) Thank you for these videos. I think you can do your job because it's for an external "locus" if you are programmed to please others to get some sense of identity. Do you know what I mean?
Work doesn't feel very rewarding in these times of inflation.
Dr. Scott, I moved into a condo which is driving me crazy because of neighbor noise. I am very sensitive to noise from neighbors and can't get any rest for the last 8 months. It has gotten to the point where my anxiety is through the roof, and lost my appetite and can't work. Is there anything I can do? Please help!!
What if avoidance of something punishing has a greater weight than a flimsy reward? How does one manage that or shift that? I suppose this is what you meant when you talked about going with the flow of ones surroundings?
Nie wiem co miałoby dla mnie być nagrodą. Wyższe poczucie własnej wartości jest zwykle bardzo ulotne i chwilowe, jeśli tylko popełnię jakiś błąd wpadam w negatywne myślenie o sobie i zapominam o wszystkim co było dobre. Chciałabym wprowadzić kilka zmian w swoim życiu, ale nie wiem jaką nagrodę sobie dać, jeśli uda mi się czegoś w tym kierunku dokonać. Nie widzę nic, co by mogło być tą nagrodą. Za to wiem, że zawiodę się nieraz na sobie, bo nie mam siły sprostać swoim wymaganiom wobec siebie długoterminowo, więc po co w ogóle się starać? Mam trochę czarno - białe myślenie. Jak z tym walczyć? Są jakieś przydatne strategie?
What examples of rewards are also self care?
Anything that makes you feel better and or calmer. Examples that come to mind for me: drink a cup of tea, listen or sing to a song (singing can be therapeutic and help you get stress out), take a rest (sit or lie down for a few minutes, enjoy the quiet), anything related to taking a rest really, like lighting a (scented) candle and enjoying it, taking a moment to look out the window (or sit outside if you can, breathe the fresh air), play a game for a bit (if you can regulate your usage), kind words and understanding.
You could also try googling for "self care rewards" and maybe get some ideas, although the results I'm seeing have a lot of "junk" (mostly buying things).
I feel less weird when I hear you.
This is one of my favorite comments ever
Would you kindly do a video on unrequited love please?
Great idea! I’ll work on it
@@DrScottEilers thank you 😊
Do you have any public speaking engagements that can be publicly attended?
I dont punish myself, i was abused and now i have PTSD do you have any suggestions? I can not overcome the fear
everybody: which one was the "John Madden" video? wanted to share that with somebody, but i can't remember which one that was.
what about when say you used to go to the gym and was healthy and now your not and you want to go back and get fit again but your internal sense is saying 'whats the point' its going to take too long 'ill never get back to where i was' do you invert those phrases or is that something completely different. Because I know I want to be healthy i just keep sabotaging myself
Dear Doctor Scott, I have received two messages proporting to be from you, but I know the sender is not you. I j thought I would share this with you. From Ruth x
What kind of a monster doesn’t want his dog to be on the couch?! 😱😢☹️
I like watching you but plz my guy get a good mic
I've tried to go the "reward" route. When it doesn't happen, that in itself is punishment.
Interesting content but hard to concentrate with “untidy” space behind you. Why has the door now become visible? There was enough distraction before but now everything is fighting for space … including you! You were better in the centre of the frame where at least you were the centre of attention. Also your last couple of videos haven’t been properly synchronised which also makes it hard to watch what you are saying. You are so good at what you do Scott, please don’t let yourself down with presentation😢. I do tend to notice things and be a little bit critical so maybe no one else is bothered. But just go back to look at your wood background videos and just compare them - you are directly talking to your watchers and the points you were making had more impact and clarity. Please forgive the criticism, I think you are doing a wonderful job for everyone - you are breath of fresh air amongst your peers and I send a silent thank you every time you post something new❤
I learned my self-hatred, shame, guilt, etc., from the "loving" jew god.
I needed this thank you so much you saved my life 🥲🥲