How To Find A Good Therapist (It’s Simpler Than You Think!)
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
- Improving your mental health is difficult even in the best of situations, but what happens when the people you entrust to help you are actually making you worse?
Picking a good therapist is incredibly important. I'm going to walk you through my criteria for finding a therapist who is not only competent, but specialized and compatible.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.
After not wanting to filter through 50+ therapists in my city I asked my buddy:
- Hey, is your therapist available?
- Yeah
- Is she good?
- I argue with her all the time
Turns out talking to a very direct 50+ years old lady can be very helpful for a guy in his 30s.
I completely agree with your doctor! It's like going to a prestigious school to learn how to ride a bike. You can't ride a bike from reading a book, and if you have a PhD in riding a bike, you probably can't ride a bike any better than an eight-year-old can. It's all about riding the bike. Books just tell you where the pedals are, and how much air to put in the tires. I don't care what a therapist's education is. I care about their real life, face-to-face experience is.
Going to some, feels like they like the gossip but no help..I don't return ever!
I hear ya. Not what I'd want to pay for!
I have had 100s of hours in therapy and spent $$$$. YOU have helped me the most and I have never met you in person or talked to you. I have only watched you on CZcams. You have helped me more than anyone!
Spent 9 months with a therapist after my spouses affairs came to light that severely damaged me even more. Fortunately I was doing a ton of work on my own and found ‘real’ help out there. Find a therapist that actually experienced in real life what you went through is my best advice. Who cares how many books someone read on child-rearing, you’re not going to ask them advice on how to raise your child if they’ve never had one. It applies everywhere. Good luck and God bless. 🙏🏼
I'm a previously practising therapist in Australia and I've had a lot of therapy, too. A couple of things come to mind:
1) The best therapist for YOU is someone you feel comfortable with within the first couple of sessions.
2) It's ok to 'shop around'. Therapists expect this and don't take it personally if you disengage from their service.
One of the key things that helped me feel good about the therapist who I very first started with (and still see, even after she changed practices) was that she did not act like I was an absolute train wreck coming to her fresh out of my messy time at undergrad. I imagined a therapist who would recoil in horror but she was like “ok, and…” in a way that didn’t convey judgment at all. And she has never judged even when things have gotten pretty wild. As a therapist myself, my niche is student-athletes and teens/young adults, but I fell into that unplanned and it has made me seek extra education on that population, but niche feels different than specialty. I also make sure to ask new clients what has worked and what hasn’t in past experiences in therapy - it is super important to me to demonstrate the respect for their experience by being able to know what we could build on and what I should avoid so I am not “just another one who sucks”.
I had a really good therapist for many years. She retired and I have not been able to find another good therapist. I've given up looking and am focusing on trying to meet my own needs. Thanks for your insight.
I agree it's a hit or miss. Even if you connect with their bio, it can be a complete miss. Once a new therapist whose bio i liked asked me to identify where in the body my sadness was. It was the area just above my eyes. Then he asked to talk to my forehead to find out why i was sad. For four sessions, he kept doing that. It was even homework. I gave up! My forehead hasn't said anything until now 😂 i thought he was a one trick pony.
I had a therapist ask me to do that once. I just burst into tears. I am chronically ill. It's everywhere.
When I was younger I always wanted to be a therapist or psychologist, mainly because I seem to be able to understand and care for all kinds of people and I love helping them feel better - but I am also the kind of person people call an empath - so I worried I would take everyone's darkness home with me and I would drown in it. Life unfortunately went a different way for me, but I wish I had gone down that road now as I believe I would have been good at it - I really appreciate those of you who help other people so much. You are incredible.
Same here although I think for me it was the right decision not to pursue becoming a therapist. I've benefitted tremendously from therapy though.
I'm really glad you posted this. I've tried going to so many different therapists who just don't seem to "get" me, which causes me to think I'm the problem, and as you can imagine, that is just absolutely wonderful for my social anxiety. I think next time I am going to try to be more intentional about who I choose.
I’m so glad someone said it. The amount of schooling to become a therapist is ridiculous and highly
Unnecessary 🤦🏾♀️ 😒😮💨😤🤯😡
Talk therapy, when you REALLY need some deep healing work, is 100% useless, even damaging. I’ve experienced lots of therapy and therapists (I”m an older person), I found out that body-centered therapists are most effective, actually heal, therapies like Core Energetics. I’ve also seen non-traditional, non-traditionally trained therapist, a “meta-therapist,” who’s helped me a lot when I was young and just starting out in therapy. Body-centered therapists who also include the soul, are the best.
Most modern accredited therapists should be trained in a wide range of therapy types. I've had tremendous benefit from such therapies as CBT, ACT and more.
How do you know if you need a body centered therapist, and how do you find one?
Therapy can be a real minefield if your politics/religion/worldview is different than your therapist.
Thank you Dr. Scott.. I've been in therapy over 25 years. The past 10 years I haven't. I got to the point of being sick of talking and taking baby steps forward , then going backwards. I'm not blaming my therapists, which changed over the years. I have been troubled with anxiety from childhood and no therapy, When I was 19, my family doctor gave me tranquilizers til I was 22, then he said , he was stopping it.. I had asked him a few times to find a psychiatrist for me. His answer to me was, you cannot afford one. They are very expensive.... I knew nothing about mental health.. I found another doctor who practiced in my neighborhood. He gave me the prescription for tranquilizers. I realized back then that the doctor's really didn't care about me. It was the money ( even though I didn't have much ) Anyway you care about your patients. And all who go to you are so lucky.. Many blessings to you..
As a 'professional' patient I agree with most of these. After seeing over a dozen therapist from all categories, I've had pretty bad luck from therapists at hospital/clinic settings and private practice. The therapist that clicked and I stayed with for years was from a community organization.
I had a therapist that fell asleep during our session. I had a couple others that used a lot of our session to tell me about themselves. Sigh. I did have good ones support me in my darkest moments. I’m glad those were there when I needed them most
I find them Alll Worthless. But they ARE VERY GOOD AT COLLECTING $100.00 AN HOUR TO SAY UH-HUH, UH-HUH, AND NOTHING ELSE. NO HELP TO ME WHATSOEVER!
After my last therapist I vowed to never go to another one. They aren't smarter. They don't know if they haven't been there. Some things you can't learn from a book.
Amen!
Same here, thats why I´ll never go to a therapist again. Too textbook dorks. "I understand..." no you actually don´t, cause when you throw them an off the wall question to their "understanding", they have no answers etc. Not to mention your always on a set time usually 50mins, which isn´t sufficient and just makes you feel like a number and not a person.
@@Proposal12 while dealing with an especially bad round of su side thoughts (I think the actual word is weirdly banned. Shhh. Must not talk about it out loud!)
This therapist, after hearing a portion of my disturbing series of traumas, shook her head slowly and said
How do you live with this?
Are you serious right now?
Who says that to someone who finally broke down and is seeking help at a dangerously low point in their life?
That would be listed under, Things to never say to a patient, especially one who is depressed and has a long history of the s word.
The last one said, at the New Year, maybe you can start the new year by telling the truth. You think I'm daring to come outside, walking to your fancy office building and opening up to a complete stranger, in order to lie? How wonderful your life must be that you can't believe these things actually happen to people.
Whatever. I have so many stories of the incompetence and I specifically ask every time if they can treat trauma.
How's this, if you don't have expertise in trauma, don't say you do. Trauma is disturbing and can be alarming to those who aren't ready to hear it.
I will never Trust another Therapist.
I am a victim if abuse by my father..
This Therapist said the sex had to be the best in the world with my father.
Also I don't have any decent insurance and I am a old widow woman.
I have learned more from you Dr Scott then all the help I got being in the mental health system since 1979.
Thank You..
I've gone to dozens of therapists, some good and some not as good. But I can't imagine any therapist who would say that to a victim of incest-- so sorry to hear that horrible therapist (and horrible human being) said that to you. I'm glad you benefit from Dr. Eiler's videos. I hope you know that any modern decent (and competent) mental health professional would never say such things. I encourage anyone who experiences such verbal abuse from a therapist to report them to their governing professional organization. Attitudes about things like rape and sexual abuse have changed drastically in the last 50 years. It's awful to hear that someone was re-traumatized by the words of a therapist.
@slsilver481 I finally told my GP about being R-worded a few decades ago, and he said that, "as a man", he couldn't really understand how awful or life-changing that would be. I thought, "Get bĕnt. Literally. Then you'll know."
❤❤❤
that's insane. I'm sorry you had to deal with that evil crackpot
I'd suggest Daniel Mackler on CZcams
I like my therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse because she understands what I have gone through and she doesn’t gaslight me. I’ve been through several non specific general therapists and none of them could see what I was going through was controlling abuse. The others saw it as his charming sweet suggestions and thoughtfulness.
Dr. Ramani and Dr. Les Carter are two of the best in their field regarding narcissistic personality disorder. They both have CZcams channels.
18:18 THANK YOU for saying this ❤it MEANS so much to just hear the words...despite you not having ANY connection or involvement in our Canadian health care HELL🙏
YOU'RE MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR US ALL ❣
Possibly the most important decision you’ll ever make! I had two of the most amazing therapists in my life whilst recovering. For that I’m truly grateful & blessed
So true. Having Atypical Dissociative Identity Disorder but no skilled therapist since 1994, it can be difficult.
THANK YOU reporting that there are bad therapists!
I don't mean to like a disagreement or personality clash, I mean like some people are very disturbed that can sneak through the system
Completely correct. I have had an eating disorder (along with major depression) for 30+ years and had to go on disability. Medicare will not pay for me to see a nutritionist unless I have diabetes or renal failure. Our mental health system is so broken. My extreme frustration with the treatment I received as an inpatient for anorexia encouraged me to earn my masters degree in Psychology but since I am still struggling with the eating disorder, depression, and life in general (my cousin committed suicide a year and a half ago and my father has been in hospice for Alzheimer’s since 2020- the life stressors never stop), I haven’t been able to do anything with my degree. My current therapist is abhorrent- she rolls her eyes at me and makes fun of my need to nap every day to get relief from my depression and anxiety. It’s so hard. 😔
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Can't believe there's a therapist who rolls their eyes at a someone who's struggling.
OMG your current therapist sounds AWFUL!!!!!
No more group therapy for me, the therapist said in front of everyone that she didn't believe me. What the heck, I was in therapy for a reason!
Thank you for taking all insurance!! The cycle you described is a nightmare for so many people.
My brilliant Psychologist was recommended to me by a friend. Recommendations are a must.
He was still on probation having finished his course, and had one year of probation to do. He also used to be a drug and alcohol counsellor in his past. So he was older than a new Psychologist. He had life experience.
He hears what I say. If I don't understand something he will explain it in a different way.
He saved my life, literally, on more than one occassion. He has taught me many things to help live a smoother life. I'd be lost without him.
Walk the pup, go for a lively bike ride, most people are messed up in their own way and paying someone for you to figure that out is called a money pit.
It may be a small side-rant, but I'm sure there are a lot of folks here who appreciate your call-out on how screwed-up mental health care and health insurance is in the US, especially for those of us stuck at or near the bottom. Glad to hear more folks on the professional side of things speaking out on it. (Now if only we could get the insurance companies and politicians to pay attention...)
It's a struggle to find a good fit when one of your problems is feeling connection, and it's a problem that seems to elude therapists as to what you should do in that case, even in this video. After about a dozen of them and giving them all plenty of sessions to test the waters I've basically given up on the entire concept of therapy being able to help people like me and I'm just exhausted from wasting time and money for so many years.
Your a blessing to us. Thanks for your knowledge!!!
I feel like I could trust you and your advise...
Thank you for validating our experience with trying to find mental health help! Everyone expects us to see whoever is some kind of counsellor and we'll suddenly be magically cured. I used a government clinic and my social worker was dismal. I missed a couple of psychiatrist appointments there because I couldn't leave the house and she rang me to say "You have to come into the office at some point." Wow. Mental health professionals, hey?
Definitely helpful, Dr. Scott. I liked the part about asking questions and having hobbies in common, as well as finding someone who is in the right demographics for you. Thank you for the tips😊.
I, finally, after several other caucasian therapists, found someone who is in my age range, a person of color & has Type 2 diabetes! 🌟
@@kathleenbigsmoke-mitchell4898Aww, that's nice! I'm happy for you! 😊 I certainly hope I won't have to go through too many. That's probably the part I'm dreading the most.
I think it is possible to find a good therapist only so long as your values conform to those of the dominant society.
Are you anti-social lol
I also saw a private psychologist and she wanted me to talk to a chair. I noped out of there.
I once fired a therapist because they spent the entire therapy hour talking about himself and his life experiences. I got the feeling that I was giving him a platform to talk because he had no therapy in his own life and I couldn't get a word in edgewise during MY therapy sessions. It was nuts! WTF?!
My therapist talked a lot about herself too. It really bugged me. Tick tock, Doc!
In Japan, you can become a clinical psychologist with a master's degree. You don't need a doctorate.
But I don't think that makes Japanese CP less than American CP.
When it comes to finding a therapist, the most important thing is to find someone who makes you feel comfortable and understood. You also need to look for someone who is compassionate and can answer your questions.
You'd better not talk to someone who seems like they don't understand your struggles.
Being a good therapist means being a decent person imo
But honestly it's really hard finding a good therapist who fits you. And it's also really hard talking about your suffering over and over again to multiple therapists. I think this is the biggest problem with finding a good therapist.
If you can't find a good therapist after a few tries, it would be too discouraging to try again.
15:11 is a jewel. Head injuries, drugs and trauma been hard on my memory. Thank you for your awesome advice.
My last therapist was kind of 'woo' - crystals give off energy, auras and angels kind of thing. The day she shared that she was 'in training' to become a psychic was my last appointment. Never went back.
I don't blame you. 😉
Yes, you are a blessing. So many are fortunate for you sharing your gift. You are an amazing therapist: caring, insightful, super helpful, understanding and captivating to listen to...thanks so much!
My therapist, a buddhist, constantly assured me there was no hell when I told her the possibility of it was the only reason I wasnt killing myself.
This is so helpful personally and professionally, as I'm pursuing my PsyD degree. Thanks for all the free resources you provide!
You’re so right and I truly appreciate your videos
One of my biggest beefs with therapists these days is not taking insurance. I desperately need a therapist who understands neurodiverse relationships (so many are clueless about this area), and the very few I can find in my area want $275 a session and take ZERO insurances. $275 a session, and none of it would even count towards meeting a deductible for the year. So instead I go without!!! 😢😢😢
I read Psychology Today often. I probably have made more progress that way (myself) than with a therapist. I've noticed that my issues are always moving, so keep that in mind when looking - don't just think one problem. It's not "only" depression, or trauma.
Ty Dr Eilers. I am starting to look. This is very helpful.
I've always felt this way, even before I had any knowledge about this field. A good therapist essentially has to be a good person who is honest and passionate about their practice and life itself perhaps. I really like Daniel Mackler on CZcams, he's the only psychotherapist I've ever listened to. And this guy if course
I'm super picky when looking for doctors or therapists. If they aren't a good fit, I'm quick to fire them! You can do that until you find the right one. I found my therapist by google search of the area then I narrowed it down a little bit little with my exact criteria that I was looking for. I made sure to find pictures of them. Find pictures of their office and look up reviews on other sites. Her office was welcoming & it felt right. I did something right because I ended up seeing her for 5 years, and I don't know where I would be without her.
Hi, Dr. Scott, thanks for making this video. This is definitely something I needed to know more about. I agree with you that having a good relationship with your therapist is really important. However, I saw the same therapist for 10 years and I had a good relationship with that person (we both liked each other as people, I felt understood by them, enjoyed our sessions) but this person didn't have the skills to treat the issues that I was dealing with and it's my opinion that even if there is a good relationship between patient and therapist, if the therapist doesn't have sufficient skills to treat the patient, the therapist won't really be able to help the patient. This same therapist helped me for several years but after that it was like I would just go to therapy and shoot the breeze with them and casually talk about my problems. I definitely take responsibility as I became aware of this as time went on and became content and was procrastinating in finding a new therapist and I wasn't proactive enough to ask them the question "what are we doing and why are we doing it?". I realized that what I needed was a therapist that was much more goal orientated and proactive in helping me work through my issues instead of someone to just vent to and I know you mentioned this towards the end of the video that we need to figure out what we need from a therapist. Once again, thank you for the video, I can't express enough how important your videos and knowledge and insight are in helping both me and anyone else interested in therapy and improving their mental health.
I'm a Realtor and your photo analogy cracked me up! Yes, there are Realtors who don't use a professional for photos---and you can tell! They also post a photo with the toilet seat up and a dirty towel on the counter.🤣
Yeah I've seen those. There will be like a random grainy close up of a blank wall.
Thanks doc. Love youre channel. I needed this information.
Thank you for this good advice. I have been with my therapist for going on 5 years and she is a good fit and I’m very thankful for that. I had two therapist before and they were ok. Love you California Joanna
Makes a lot of sense!
Can you do a segment on the different types of therapy? You said we should know and look for what we want but what are the choices?
That’s a really good question and I would like to know the answer too
I’ve been in the county system for years and it’s been hit and miss with both meds providers and therapists. Right now, the people I’m working with are good and they’re doing their best and so am I. But I’m lucky. And I know I’m lucky. My county is affluent.
I tried to find this information before my last round of therapy and I couldn’t. Now, my last therapist dropped me, said therapy isn’t the right healing modality for me, and my insurance won’t cover it for over a year. I can’t self-pay. I’m not ok and now I’m scared to even try therapy again because I’m worse off than I was before the last round.
The only thing that helps at all is being around other humans and my last 3 therapists said that was wrong and even doing as much socializing as I can, I still spend too much time alone because of work and living alone. I even asked around to see if I could find a roommate and no takers.
😢😞
Thanks for info.
I do therapy online, and my therapist is abroad. I have mixed feelings about him. I'm not sure it's working. However, I pay $200 a month ($50 a session). If I had a local therapist, I'd be paying four or five times that and would be likely getting the same results.
The first therapist had me out of his office in under 5 minutes. He wasn't going to help me because I smoked marijuana. I had been referred to him by my GP. After that I stayed stagnant for about 15 years. Now, many more years later, my latest therapist told me that she didn't think I need mental help. She then said she was wanted to consult another therapist about my case and would get back to me. Then I was ghosted. I guess depression, emotional dysregulation and overwhelming anxiety are just normal. Yeah crap therapists are easy to find.
18:19 YES! True words were never spoken..
It is totally worth it, and great your advices dr. Scott, don’t doubt about them.
And by the way, the analogy you use in one of your videos really hit hard when you say it.
About a fork and a bear.
Let me say it again, was a deep and hard hit in the guts.
Don’t really know how much the fork it’s going to last.
I have been denied mental helth services because of insurance, especially now that I am on Medicare. Why does a system that is supposed to help people, turn away so many because of insurance restrictions? I realize that the insurance companies have the power when it comes to how much the therapist is reimbursed. When a person is in the grips of a crisis, the last thing we need to hear is, "Sorry we don't take Medicare" over and over again (even with supplemental insurance that I pay for). When in the depths of depression, it feels like the "health centers" would rather someone just go ahead commit suicide than really, truly try to help. It all come down to the almighty dollar.
There are a lot of bad therapists out there. Too many clearly have issues of their own. Perhaps thats why they chose to be a therapist. Many of them are inflexible, one trick ponies, with rigid approaches to what they offer
These are very good ideas. Here's something i havent heard you mention is views on criminal justice. Our criminal justice system deals with literally millions of people and a glaring part of this is UNTREATED OR UNDERTREATED MENTAL HEALTH. Even though every client isn't going to have legal issues, a surprisingly large amount of people have interacted with police, or close family or friends have. Anybody worth their weight in mental health needs to have unbiased viewpoint and not hold stigma or fear about those who struggle with the legal system. It could/would save lives if more mental health help was available for those inside or outside jails. It's been very sad for me to learn about people who seek out help for anxiety, depression, ptsd, unresolved and crushing grief only to be turned off by judgemental counselor or abandonment because the system only pays for 3 sessions etc. This is a huge iceberg we only see the tip of it, but there are so many who never go in because of fear of judgment.
Thank you. This helps.
I used that site you suggest for finding the therapist and I highly recommend it also.
Great advice! ❤
Thanks Dr. Scott 😘🇵🇹
A while back I had a therapist who was like a conservative school teacher, it didn't work for me. But now I have a therapist I love, she is quirky and I respond much better to quirky so it's a much better fit for me. She is my greatest cheer squad which is awesome as I have no other emotional support and having at least one person champion me has made such a difference.
Do you have a video on when/why to seek therapy vs trying to get better on your own?
that microphone! lol!!!!!!! love your channel!
I like the information you presented in finding a therapist, like having things in common. also, just because one graduated with a PhD in psychology from a prestigious university doesn't mean squat if they came in dead last, stue they might be good but more likely they are Frank Burns and not Hawkeye Pierce (MASH).
No, no, no. Do not find a therapist that can help you. Find a therapist who can help you help yourself!
Finding a therapist who is the best fit for you is critical for a successful resolution - Dr. Scott Eilers' advise is key to how to accomplish this. Excellent video and recommendations.
This was so helpful. I am not in therapy right now, for many reasons, but you are helping me so much. Therapy here in UK. Is about the same as US.
It's hard to talk to someone in their 20's or 30's when your past 60. They don't have life experience yet. They can't understand.
YES!!! What you’ve said about community health centers- SO SO SO SO much trauma from those people! Many of them are things I could bring charges against them if I really wanted to. EVERYTHING YOUR SAYING ABOUT THAT IS SO SO SO SO TRUE!!!! Thank you thank you for saying that- THIS IS MY LIFE STORY! I’ve had 57 therapists because of this and it’s been AWFUL and soooo traumatizing. I want to write a book so people know how damaging it really is
It seems like most of the comments are 3 months old already. Well, there are people like myself who watch Dr. Scott's videos at a much later time. As a therapist. I think I will talk about what I look for in a therapist as well as what I disagree with Dr. Scott.
I did go to very good schools for both my master's degree and my doctorate. Do I think this matters when choosing a therapist? I agree with Dr. Scott. For the most part, it does not. But make sure they are licensed therapists. That does matter.
Now Dr.Scott led me to believe you are not necessarily trained in school at a master's degree level. I was. We had to take two classes of theoretical orientation and prove to the professor that we understood the material as well as demonstrate to him and the class that we could perform the theoretical orientations. I probably did understand these theoretical orientations because I studied them in greater depth while doing my doctorate.
But I do agree that probably the most important factor in therapy is do I think there is a good fit between us. This is most likely because we have a similar background. I am a gay man. Many of my clients were gay. Were all of them? Of course not. But many therapists are gay whether they say this in their bios or not. And I believe I can work very effectively with straight clients. When you are dying, I don't think my sexual orientation mattered a lot. It did matter, though, in my very first job. I worked in an AIDS clinic. That is how I began to know what I needed to be a successful therapist, and consequently, I knew I was good at this specialty. Plus, I would ask the therapist if they have been in therapy or were in therapy. It is too easy for a therapist to have transference issues with their clients if he or she has not done a lot of inner work on themselves. We should know if there is a good fit after several therapy sessions. If not, leave and find a different therapist. Otherwise, you are wasting your money and both of your time. Ask around.
I also think there is such a thing as specialties. I specialize in death and dying. I worked three days a week at a hospital-based hospice and two days a week at a clinic. I don't know of too many therapists who can say they have this specialty. But I do think he is right. I don't think specialties are regulated. So, a therapist can say what they specialize in on their bio without it being true. Sorry to say this, but I agree with Dr. Scott on this issue. So if they do say they have a specialty, ask them to prove it.
I do agree with Dr. Scott, that probably the best therapists are in private practice. Why? Because they have to generate their income. They are not supplied with clients like a community agency or hospital-based agency. And when you have to generate your income, you get the most referrals from your clients and past clients. If they thought you were a good therapist, I think they would be willing to pass on the therapist's name to family and friends.
But we all have to start somewhere before going into private practice. So, I believe there are good therapists at the community-based clinics as well as the hospital-based clinics. You just have to ask around.
And finally, does the therapist love their job? I guess I do not know how to answer this. I am retired now. I have been a therapist for 33 years. I loved my work, and I would not change it for nothing.
Thank you, doctor. You're totally right. I and my mom, we have this problem. It's hard to find a therapist here where we live, in Ukraine. The only therapist we've been working with for a decade, she's a nice person, she saved my mom, but she's not the best option. I do need an animal rights activist as a therapist. When she once said "But those are just cats, you shouldn't worry about them that much" -- it was the end. I no longer wanted to cooperate, so I mainly stuck to antidepressants, and I consult with the therapist once in a while. She doesn't want to understand that I got this parental instinct towards animals since I was 5 y.o.
Same with my mom. She tries not to discuss the "cat subject" with our therapist, and I guess it's not really useful or healthy when you have to silence yourself with your doctor. Still, it's our best choice at the moment, because of money issue, as well as lack of variety =(
This was SUPER helpful, because I'm feeling pressure to get back into therapy after quitting last year because it was going nowhere. Still not looking forward to it at all. But maybe with this info I'll be able to find someone I don't dread talking to.
It would be so helpful to have time stamps for each section. Or break up the video into sections so we can navigate to where we are most interested.
I’m tired of all therapists. They aren’t what I need. I need someone who will tell me the truth and motivate me. They also just give you things to try like it’s a fitting room. I need someone with passion.. not just someone to give me a list of mental exercises and tell me whatever I want to hear.
Upside down is so very polite and I wouldn't use those words...
Sign me up for a virtual visit. You're the therapist I have been searching for ! I've been seeing a local community therapist to help with my anxiety for 3 years now with little progress ! Great channel ! Appreciate your advice. It's always spot on ...in my opinion.
SAME!!!!
Hmmm. I have a different list which opposes some of what you state, but you do you.
Upon first meeting them, I would begin the dialogue with what is your favorite issue to treat and why? What is your least favorite and why? Then I would move on to yes/no questions.
Question 1: Do you have both cognitive and emotional empathy for others? A "no" answer to either is an immediate deal breaker.
Question 2: When is the last time you visited your therapist? How often do you meet with them? If they're not currently in therapy to help them manage what they're taking on, that a very bad sign to me that they can't handle being in therapy because they're too narcissistic and "above" needing help. "I'm not in therapy" is very likely a deal breaker unless there is a very convincing reason like, "mine just retired" or some similar response. Deal-breaker if they're not in therapy, and especially if they have a very busy, stressful life and practice.
Question 3: Have you ever been told you have the traits/behaviors of a Cluster B personality disorder and/or characterological disorder? If they have a Cluster B disorder, it's an immediate no-go.
Question 4: Are you trauma trained, trauma informed, or neither? If they are not trauma-trained, that's very likely a deal breaker unless they are currently undergoing their trauma training.
Question 5: What is your long-term success rate for having resolved your clients' PTSD symptoms and what methodologies are you most proficient in using to achieve this?
One thing that *should not be allowed*, in my opinion, is for narcissists to offer "therapy" to anyone else BUT other narcissists. They are too morally warped, pathologically self-absorbed, and have near-constant, insatiable ego-demands which get in the way of them ever being able to ethically and fully consider the feelings, needs, and well-being of their client's FIRST before their own interests. (and I say this having had narcissists who were also psychologists/lcsws who *financially exploited* their most wealthy and vulnerable patients to pay for their own children's undergrad & grad school education* and then the client suddenly got better when their youngest finally finished grad school. Had both of these individuals NOT recently retired, I would have reported both of them. Narcissists must *always* perceive themselves as being in the superior position above others, so I think it is somewhere between malfeasance to malpractice to allow them to be licensed therapists.
I heard another trauma trained therapist admit that it would be, and I quote "career suicide" for him to talk about how many pathological therapists there are out there who are incompetent and exploiting people. NOTE: Also, the aforementioned narcissistic-psychologist also told me that no one needs a PhD to become a therapist because what really helps someone heal is the quality of the connection with the therapist and not what they know. (exception: people w/personality disorders need far greater work and for much longer to heal the attachment trauma). She was very bright but equally self-interested and financially exploitative.
If my therapist started talking to me about wrestling, I think my jaw would drop open slightly, but not as far as it would if I discovered they were *not* in therapy themselves. That's pretty much a deal-breaker for me unless they have an extremely good reason (and no, I can't find a good therapist is NOT suficient). Therapists take on a lot & need support in order to be effective and avoid *eventually* becoming overwhelmed themselves. You know, like crying on the first vacation they've taken in 2 years because they're not taking care of their own mental health?
I'll be honest. You mock other therapists photos on Psych Today, but your own YT/LinkedIn/IG photo is cheesy & makes you look very posed & unnatural. You are not doing a photo-shoot for a wedding formalwear ad, so you might consider trying to look less that you're forcing a "I'm trying to make the male model face" look. Your business website photo is far more approachable, warm, & friendly. It is *very bad form* to pose yourself "looking down" on others, not just in photos but also online. You appear far more warm, empathic, trustworthy and approachable if you are eye level looking at others instead of looking down at them. People don't need to be able to see UP your nose. It gives a weird vibe. Your business website photo shows you radiant and glowing looking warm, friendly and genuine, which is how you usually come across in your videos. Generally speaking, nose up in the air looking down at others and physically turning one's head down to look down at others is a very narcissistic tendency. Subjectively, I like to see a therapist who looks real and genuine, not like their trying to appear like a wedding formalwear ad in a bride's magazine. That's the antithesis of genuine. Your IG photo, we can also see up your nose. What is with you needing to look down on others instead of at them? I digress...
You could not be more accurate about the people who need the most help being the exact people who usually don't have access to the treatment they need. Those with schizophrenia, those with mania, those w/PTSD, severe depression, and those w/BPD. I would include those w/NPD and AsPD, since they do so much harm to humanity, but they seem to be okay w/how they are and don't want to change (it's more like we want them to change). Those w/intermittent explosive disorder do a lot of harm to others, as well. The homeless population is a group of walking wounded if there ever was one, and the variety of mental suffering, mental illness, mood disorders, and personality psychopathology is off the charts in this group.
Overall, this is a good video to help people understand the basics of mental health care options.
These are all very good points! I was very lucky to have my first therapist. He was the only one who made me feel understood and respected, but then he started working at a different practice and I moved far away. Now one of my biggest issues is that I'm very self-aware and I've tried a lot of things already. I haven't even been in therapy for very long and I'm already tired of explaining that I know a whole lot about the basics. I keep hearing the same stuff over and over and it's not doing anything for me. I need new ideas.
Anyways, I'm actually really curious about your almost-rant. I'm at the beginning of the 6-10 years of schooling so I'm interested to hear your thoughts on psychology education.
I definitely understand that. I’m so tired of starting all over again with a new therapist and having to start all over again just as it’s about to possibly get somewhere. I know the descriptions and the basics but I don’t know what to actually do to get somewhere productive. I know I need to stop living in the past and accept my limitations and new normal but I have no clue how to do that or why I can’t.
The best way to do therapy is to make one feel loved, supported, and valued. None of which, of course, can be farmed out to someone 8:09 who doesn't love, support, and value you. No matter how well educated and well intentioned the person you hire to fill that role may be.
My therapist was recommended to me by my parish priest, I prefer a therapist who shares my spiritual heritage. She is also someone who specializes in BPD. 😊
Maybe the greatest therapy is in real life with a person or people who can sense your needs and offer the best they can. This happens also, but in therapy, a good therapy you have a person, the therapist, full time focus on only your story, and maybe a little bit of theoretical approaches that support the process. Even though I personally in every day relationships I didn't find therapy, but only with one professional therapist who turned out to be good, don't know if the best but good, although I had tried a few times with other professionals that didn't fit me. It a hard thing to find. Even now I wonder if there is better out there.. 😊
I have a really good therapist now and if anything happens to her I will be lost because I have had some ineffective therapists.
As a teen I had a lot of therapists try behavioral activation and CBT for my depression but it wasn't sticking. It wasn't working. So they gave up, basically. With them, they stopped pushing the skills (good idea) and then it just became talking about my life and issues (bad idea). It was like I'd exhausted their toolbox and so they decided they couldn't fix me...I internalized all this because I thought I was the broken one here, that the therapy wasn't working because I was stubborn.
I could of used this video last fall
As for bios, also look at All the bios they share of themselves, googling them also helps if you find the same person. While was looking I found 1 that was and checked out all their listed bios and there were things that clashed in them. The bios were updated within the last few years. I didn’t go with that person.
I agree
I'll exchange therapy for therapy. Sometimes you just get that gut fit.
I have had both good and bad therapists. Currently, I have a good counselor. She is of my ethnicity and religion ,and understands the context of my life well.
As an LMFT in PP, I agree!! ❤I’m also not in therapy 😂can’t afford it!
Awesome
What kind of credentials should a therapist have? The one I saw was at the doctors office. Her title was “mental health clinician” I believe she had a masters in social work. I stopped seeing her because I wasn’t happy with her. She wanted to go over goals, like read one book a week, exercise, go for walks…those were some of my goals. But I wanted to get to the root of my anxiety and depression, I wanted to talk about the things inside my head, my childhood trauma, she just wanted to know if I completed my goals. I felt like she judged me and would often scold me for missing appointments, even though she knew I had insomnia, a horrible sleep schedule, a stressful job were I had to work overtime every day. I wish I could find someone else
You know what, Scott, I always do that. I always look at bios, and I feel out a picture and a description. Unfortunately, there's something that I'm noticing. Every time I look at practices' provider bios nowadays, it looks like everybody is a model, it's almost like the head shot equivalent of putting autotune on music. Most of the working therapists nowadays, as I said, under one other post of yours, not sure if you ever read the comment, are millennials like yourself and millennials they didn't create social media, but they made it what it is today. Thanks millennials. Anyway, so they think in terms of putting themselves out into the world social-media ready, and they seem so sanitized, and so perfect looking, that it's almost as if the whole country has become L.A. . When they lift the personality out of their image, it's very difficult to read someone.
When you are in a messed up unwell frame of mind this is difficult
What would you recommend changing if I started feeling stuck with my current therapist because I really don’t know what I want in live and my depression just doesn’t seem to ever truly go away?
I had a great start with the therapist when I was in a mental pit, enmeshed with my emotionally abusive mother & taking care of my sick dad.
Now my dad has passed away, and I completely cut contact with my mother, I feel I don’t seem to get rid of depression no matter what I do.
I sink back very quickly. All the effort feels short lived, only effective when I was actually doing them, workout, travel, reading, and the time in between still remain unbearable & hopeless, but I don’t know how I want my therapist to help.
Am I addicted to being depressed?