"FREE-MIXING LEADS TO SEX?!" - Baraka Boys Podcast (Season 2, Ep.2)
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- čas přidán 30. 10. 2019
- DISCLAIMER: This episode contains a discussion around the topics of sex and pornography. These are hugely important topics which must be discussed, however we understand some parents and children may be watching who aren't quite ready to have that chat. The conversation on these topics begins after the one hour mark.
Gender segregation is one of those things that just seems to be a given for Muslim events, but is it really necessary? Is it something that our religion expects from us, and what does the term "free mixing" mean (does it even exist in the Islamic tradition)? We unpack this and more, as we explore how these attitudes towards relationships between men and women adversely affect our social skills, make finding a spouse tricky, and have so many knock on effects on how we function as a community of men and women. We also explore the shame and taboo surrounding sex and intimacy, and how the Prophetic example can guide us through these topics.
This season we're taking the podcast to a whole new level. You can watch this episode over on the brand new Baraka Boys CZcams channel. The podcast is also now available as an audio podcast on Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.
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This was such a great episode but make sure you let Muhib finish his points he's full of such wisdom and I particularly agreed with his points on marriage. Masha Allah on the ep guys!
I don't think extreme segregation is the answer. In a sense, it's not dealing with the actual issue. You have Muslim leaders teaching young people who live in modern societies that boy + girl interacting = automatically bad. There's no nuance and it's such an outdated mode of dealing with this issue in a modern society. It's no surprise that these people are often so repressed that they just find back doors to interacting with the opposite sex.
What we should be doing is teaching both genders to have healthy opinions on the other and to respect the other gender enough to have respectful, conscise and limited interaction. Not propping up physical barriers as if we are children who can't control ourselves. If you can change the mindset, that is more powerful.
The brother sitting next to Khalid , mashallAh it seems hes the only one with a heart, I can only relate to his answers , subhnAllah. Not many people like him are around , yet his voice is over powered .
Salaam, this is a serious topic that needs to be discussed more often in Muslim societies and educate men. As a Hijabi Muslim Black woman, I am disrespected in Muslim countries (African and the Middle East) but never in Western countries. Unfortunately, men in Muslim countries are uneducated and don't care if a woman is married or not. That issue has to be addressed seriously by imams.
Muhib should’ve been given more time to speak. He made some good points but you guys just cut him off. Love the topic and discussion. Keep it up guys.
I agree. I think he was also misunderstood. He was emphasising the point regarding the sanctity of marriage .. But it was misinterpreted by the others
Khaled mentioned that he deals with woman, taking selfies and all. This is the nature of his work. We understand.
But then he wouldn’t allow his wife to have male friends?
Double standards right there.
bro dawah man and ali dawah already called this guy out years ago, all of these dons got no clue what they're talking about
@@GokuBlack-sn5dr Seriously, what is it that he said that was called out on
Green Door hypocrites all of them one rule for men and another for women.
Topics like this where you know you cant come to a mutual understanding or don't have too much knowledge on, I would advise you bring a guest panellist/expert who can add a bit more vim to the convo. It just seemed like I was hearing an array of clashing opinions and not an actual conversation.
“How do you know in 2019 that’s your male friends don’t like you too” 👀 😭
I love it how open-minded yall are. Very interesting discussion, just let Muhib talk more cuz he had some very good points
Thanks for removing the stigma of marrying divorced women, would have been nice to hear your views on marrying the older woman too
This was a long episode but I am glad I watched it. I appreciate your insight on marriage and the Muslim male perspective as a young professional Muslim woman trying to look for a spouse it's very eye-opening to the realities of the community. I would like more advice as to how people like me can be introduced to and court potential spouse in 2019 where social media is a must. I currently am off most apps but I find it difficult to leave my parents responsible for finding a spouse when they are extremely strict about gender relations and courtship. I feel like I shared way too much but why not? Jazakallah Khair for your efforts again!
Sis I relate 👌🏽
@@3dotmatrix gurl I'm trying 😂
This is the first episode where you guys really clashed and didn't agree to eachother's perspectives and I here for it, just make sure you let eachother speak even if you disagree
I am sick off being told not to smile but I thought smiling is sunnah
The problem with divorce (I'm talking from a female perspective) is also linked to the stigma of not being a virgin anymore. It's as if women become second-hand objects and if men cannot have the active role of taking the virginity away from women, then these women aren't worth being married to.
Any man who sees our divorced sisters this way needs some help.
No not really. Men are more likely to accept a childless widow then a childless divorced woman. Like widows re marry more then divorced women. Divorced women are seen as bad women who couldn't make their relationship work. I've noticed that in general divorced people are definitely looked down upon.
Also, I've noticed that WHY the divorce happened is a big player in whether men want to marry a divorced woman. Like If people know ur ex husband cheated on you or beat u up and the you divorced they wouldn't judge you at all. But if they know that u divorced cos you couldn't solve ur differences then people are less forgiving. And especially in the muslim community, divorce is a big deal.
Also the whole virgin thing is true in some communities but i dont think thats the reason why men dont marry divorcees.
The Gambian mentioned that a woman (who was not a mahram) was picking out lice from the prophets hair. This is FALSE!
Anas bin Maalik (R.A.) has narrated that: Whenever Nabi (S.A.W.) used to go to Quba, he made it a habit to visit his FOSTER AUNT, Umme Hiraam. On one occasion she entertained Nabi (S.A.W.) with a meal and thereafter began removing the nits from the head of Nabi (S.A.W.). (Abu Dawood, Chapter on Jihad, Page 337)
This clearly mentions that it was his Foster aunt. Nabi SAW would never allow a ghair mahram touch him. The laws that governed him, govern us too.
Please be careful about your narrations, we all know the harms of falsely relating a hadeeth.
This whole conversation is so comfortable and relatable.
Khaled is right not to put yourself in a situation that leads to zina also the only reason to mix with the other gender is for marriage unless its a professional / work interaction
@@CZcamsisdecent yes and i also dont believe karma sutra was from islam as gambian mentioned, its indian tradition and concept, turban wore by Sikhs too
I think Briggs was a bit contradictory in saying he doesn't think having friends of the opposite sex is a problem but at the same time he wouldn't be comfortable with his wife having male friends because he can't trust them. Surely a muslim woman is a muslim woman, whether she is someones wife or not? And the distrust that he has in other men is a distrust that a woman, married or not, will have, therefore avoiding the worst case scenario by simply not being friends with members of the opposite sex. I agree with Khalid that rulings aren't made for the individual, fortunately there a lot of men and women who can exercise self control and hold relationships without it becoming sexual, however the idea of abstaining from having close friendships with members of the opposite sex is more to protect against the men and women who cannot.
Khaled alluded to the same, and sometimes u cant use ypur own logic, when Briggs undermined the ahadith about the monk...it teaches us the nature of man, completely applicable to modern times
Agree. And he seems to be conflating beneficial interaction between the sexes in places where it is halal eg for education, trade etc, with having close friends of the opposite gender. He creates a false dichotomy of either you have close female friends or complete segregation of the sexes. Islam only advocates separation of the sexes in the social/private sphere, not in public life.
I think he was mixing what a friend is and what an acquaintance is. He interacts with woman but they aren’t his friends to the point where they hang out. Same thing, his wife interacts with his male friends but they aren’t her friends. When Khalid pointed out what friend vs. acquaintance was he agreed that he doesn’t have female friends. Listen to that part again.
@@AmalQambi I think it's the part where she interacts with his male friends, but the female 'acquaintances' he has aren't necessarily through her, which seems a little unbalanced
Yasmin Akhtar He didn’t specify, but from his speech we assume it’s through him. I get where you’re coming from. I don’t know about him, but many men do have double standards when it comes to interactions with the opposite gender and their partners.
That interaction with momodou and fahd I can’t 😂😂😂😂
And Yes dont speak over each other. Let the others finish their thoughts. Thanks
Appreciate the content week after week. But y'all need to calm it on the speaking over each other. Would be better if ud let each other speak with no interruptions like the dude next to Khaled (not Briggs tho, the other one lol. Be more like him y'all take notes haha . No offence to the rest of y'all ) . Thanks
They like to hear their own voices. It's nice we have Muslim youth trying to discuss important topics. I hope they take your advice and begin to listen more than speak. There is always more to take than give when it comes to knowledge.
Khaled said he would not allow his wife to have male friends either. Rightly so if she's happy. If women arent happily married, they tend to seek out male company/ attention as a result.
Love this! Keep them coming please!
Well done Umi on marriage maintenance, this gets placed on the back burner after couple kids or when the couple get used to each other and stop trying
Really liked this discussion, u should do more on this topic
Everything is perfect , just more separated times for each to speak, let interrupting
Why are the comments so negative, these podcasts are very good
Notice the Asian brothers seem to be more conservative in the face of explicit nuances on sex and masturbation, this is abundantly clear cut haya we have as Asians.
Also I found them to be less focused on looks of the girl and less open about divorce. This is why I have huge respect for south asian culture (obviously crap like caste and colorism needs to be taken out of it) but theres a genuine modesty and shame that asians have when it comes to the sanctity of marriage.
@@JL-uw8xm You're right JL there is a stark contrast in attitude around marriage, modesty, sexualized behaviour and honour, i give them that.
There are many comments to and against what these men have said, throughout this episode. I’ve read most, if not all and I’ve listened to the episode. Firstly, the topic was a very brave one and regardless of what was said most people would have disagreed with the episode. Why, because as a society we are all torn on what is appropriate and what isn’t. The psychodynamics of this episode was interesting, indeed. The boys were relaying reflections as the conversations emerged and developed to a point. So, what many saw was contradictions were merely reflections of original opinions with some development. So some of the boys said it was ok to have female friends, but when the discussion unraveled consequences were revealed and opinions changed from a third position. The boys were able to say, hang on, if my wife had a male friend I would be cautious, I wouldn’t like it, so what about me. That’s overt reflection, open change of opinions, not contradictions. We must be mindful how we judge others based on our limited understanding of true, real reflections in discussions. This episode was an authentic act and a very brave one, indeed. Yes physical attraction is important, let’s not fool ourselves, and yes in time that develops if the friendship is watered in halal actions. We are sexual beings and psychosexual drivers are in us all. The problem being, most of us tend to play to a rejection view point in order to hide ones own sin, shame and embarrassments. It’s an uncomfortable topic and many of us are immature (not chronological rather lacking emotional intelligence) to understand this. Let’s be mindful in our comments to episodes like this, because the subconscious isn’t always with them, rather it’s within the commentary we type. We all have perceptions based on our own self not necessary on these boys, unless we expand our thoughts in equilibrium. And yes, these boys do need to tone down voice overlaps, a moderator could help as these boys are very passionate. As for any missed quotes from the Quran etc, highlight them in peace not judgement, help the boys grow from a dyadic dyad.
Good video, could be better by maybe bringing some females so that we can hear their opinion about these topics etc.
Keep it up!
I couldn't even finish this. Subhan Allah.
Marriage is half the deen and regarded as worship, therfore u work towards pleasing Allah Muhib is right to protect the marriage as Allah says you could dislike something in your spouse that is good for u. Marriage is a fabric of society and divorce is the last last resort
You should time stamp each section. Would be really helpful
Can someone explain the Hadith he’s mentioning at 12:30 ? What does he mean I don’t get it ???
Good topic akhiz
Very insightful
Where's the bit about lowering your gaze and guarding your modesty brothers?
Can u do a QnA ep where we can ask u questions and u can adress them in ur video
The religion is being modernised and watered down by individuals like these, the religion is complete and perfect. Doesn’t need debates and your opinions, confusing the younger viewers!!
A lot of respect to you guys for trying to discuss these issues, However I struggle to watch your videos due to the lack of understand that you have. It doesn’t matter if you have studied for 3/4 years honestly the points you lot have made most of them are باطل. Be very careful how you talk about the sahabah, there’s Adab and respect in things and legit I don’t see it within your discussions.
The people in the comments: this podcast clearly is not for you
its for everyone its on youtube
You guys should rotate who gets to animate to make everyone have a fair chance to express and animate the show
I agree with the fact that women and man can interact for a purpose ( for exemple: school, work, teaching ...) not only to chill out ! Friendship ??? Bro no! You smile to me and I can see from there how our third child will look like !! To much risk for me!
Witness Truth I actually don’t have any evidence, I haven’t search for it either to be honest! That why my comment is how I < personally > think about gender interactions once again it to much risk for me.
Witness Truth I totally got your points, ManshAllah!
My point is that I know there are shaykh who said that free mixing without a good intentions are prohibited ( and I guess they mean by good intentions, free mixing without purpose) and I personally have no problem to adhere to that! As it said we all are at some point our own fakhi ( May Allah protect our fitra by maintaining it pure)!!! I personally think that men and women can’t stay without being in the same place, but the manners, and intentions matters and Allah know best.
Also my comment was about me not à generality, I work with opposite gender and I pray that Allah correct our intentions. I learn from opposite gender sacred sciences and secular one!
So I am sorry if my comment sound like ruling, but it was just my point of view!
Witness Truth and also just to make sure that we are on the same spot, free mixing is different from friend ship!
Witness Truth what is
de de de de de ...this is the motto of this episode
Great discussion but please try to not speak over each other and cutting each other off. Muhib has great points but it's being drowned out by the other louder voices.
Salaams. I think you lot are drowning muhib’s voice. Can y’all let him speak more in the next episode please? And please quit speaking over each other. I think it might help to do research on your topics from the Quran and sunnah so it won’t be all about opinions ; as the conversation relates to Islamic rulings so people don’t get misled.
A very interesting discussion, overall. However, I felt Muhib have a very narrow and unrepresentative (and actually quite outdated) description of what an "arranged marriage" is. I don't deny that arranged marriages are still happening in the way he described but, in this day and age, I think it's safe to say that those ones are in the minority. Nowadays, a lot of arranged marriages happen when two people are introduced to each other through family, friends, etc, and get to know each other that way, over a certain period of time, before getting married. That was the case for me, as well as many of my peers.
So this may be stupid question but .. is masturbation haram or halal?
If I'm not attracted to a guy but lets say we go to school together and we may interact with each other occasionaly. I'm not trying to get to know him for marriage from the jump. If it gets to a point were we talk more frequently and I begin to feel like oh I could see myself with this guy based on our conversations then that is when their needs to be a conversation about where it's going because I may be like well I want to pursue marriage but he may not feel the same. But I think the key thing is unless you know them on a personal level it's not going to lead to sex unless you put yourself in an environment where it can lead to sex. Great podcast I really liked hearing your perspective on this. It needs to be talked about more so we can at least all have a better understanding and not jump to conclusions with facts within the Muslim community.
Cool .. let’s remove the stigma from being a divorcee .. and on the flip side let’s perpetuate a narrative that allows marriages to be disposable🤔 .
Khaled has some sense in him may Allah guide. Him ameen
Couldn't even finish the video... with all due respect, not everyone deserves a mic. Some rediculous excuses coming from even "students of knowledge"...
@1:09 & 1:11 ...Well that's not all true a lot of new age church's these days talk openly about how sex is an act of worship these days etc , etc. Especially among-st the younger folks like teenagers but even then there is still a lot of negative stigma towards it especially for women ...like I see men joke about it all the time about how much they love sex while woman are made to feel like they're not supposed to enjoy as much or at least made to feel that way more often than not . On the other hand a lot Christian communities still find it taboo but I find it to be based on culture.
Also the whole idea of Virgin WOMEN being "pure" started way before the idea of Christianity like you can read abt it in Greek philosophy and even ancient Mayans use offer virgin boys as a human sacrifice .
This podcast needs to be re-evaluated. Watch nouman Ali Khans videos on free mixing instead to gain insight
@10:13 Brother there is
Please review the quran carefully especially Surah Al Ahzab ayah 53 and read Surah An Noor. You will find your answers there.
How can u water down free mixing, shariah prohibits wanton display of beauty for women yet u seem to find it acceptable to share this on Instagram. Modesty and shyness amongst the sexes is a thing in ISLAM brothers... wake up
Marriage based on looks? Wtf I'm sorry is Omar 15 years old???
@Witness Truth golam isn't a human. But if golam was a human who was a good Muslim, nice guy and I had an emotional connection then yeah I would marry golam
Also you do know that we eventually get old and marriage is for life.
1:09:05 LOL
Bukhara: Narrated `Uqba bin 'Amir:
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, Beware of entering upon the ladies. A man from the Ansar said, Allah's Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)? The Prophet (ﷺ) replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself. (Bukhari)
Quran: Surah Noor: women do not reveal your beauty. in this verse and before, two commands for men and women to lower their gaze.
i looked at about 10 tafsirs about the above verse on women revealing there beauty. 9/10 said that either women beauty includes everything including hands or face (feet were excluded) or that in times of fitnah (obviously now with sexualized society) hands and feet are wajib to hide. The other 1/10 said that its sunnah to cover hands and face. there is no disagreement on the uncovering of body or revealing of body shape with tight or see through clothing.
And many more verses in the quran indicating that women should not reveal their beauty, men should talk to wives of prophet behind a curtain, etc . It is not just about the possibility of free mixing leading to sex. It is about zina of the eyes which must be protected. Many narrations mention the zina of the eyes
hadith:لعن الله الناظر والمنظور إليه) curse of Allah is on the one who looks and the one who is looked at. In fact there is a curse on both so men have to lower gaze/women have to cover their beauty, and best way to avoid this nowadays when women are not covering is to avoid free mixing.
In the prophets s.a.w mosque, there was men and women together, but women were covered head to toe including their faces. When the interaction increases, Hazrat Umer, due to the fitnah, banned women from going to the mosque. We obviously have much more fitnah than in the time of Hazrat Umar.
Muhibs very attractive.
university, shops is a poor excuse NOT to segregate, we must segregate where we have a choice
Think you should change your programea title ‘barakah boys’. Its far from it. You are misleading the youth. The only opinion the ummah needs is quran, sunah and interpretations from scholars- not you guys. Its not all about rational judgement. Haram is haram. Free mixing is being/talking with the opposite gender in socialised way. Theres alot to it. This show is purely based on all your guys ‘opinions and thoughts.’ The barakah is purely from quran and sunnah and scholars- not you boys
you all disgusted me. I don't know if you listened to it again, but it's serious. I watched the video hoping to see some Muslim behavior and it wasn't that at all. The only one who was good was the one with the black shirt for the simple reason that he didn't speak. And the only good word that came out of your mouths was the blessing on the prophet saws when you pronounced his name. And also why Khaled says "Jesus Christ", isn't there a problem there???
Astagfiruallah