Saw him in a small bar in NYC in late afternoon. Walked over to him, said "Hi, I love your work". He said "Thanks" and at that instant, his meal came. I graciously left him so he could eat, but that may STILL be my most favorite conversation of all time.
"I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific." "I bought some batteries, but they weren't included...so I had to buy them again." Steven Wright
a priest, a rabbi, and a reverend walk into a bar.....the bartender looks up puzzled and says, "So what's this, a joke?" har-har we need more Steven Wrights on planet earth...maybe we would change from flat and become round again..
I love how he generalizes an abstract concept to create humor: “some people are afraid of heights - I’m afraid of widths”. Also: “I was doing 100 miles an hour and a cop pulled me over. He said, ‘Don’t you know the speed limit is 40 miles per hour?’ I said, ‘Yeah, but I wasn’t going to be out that long’ “
@@DavidSmith-ef4eh If someone texted you saying to get home quick your house was on fireh, you'd correct their spelling and also say you live in a trailer not a house, hang up and ignore the call.
@@bikersoncall It was supposed to be sarcasm mixed with cynicism and funny in a way where I portray myself as someone who is supposedly smart, but doesn"t understand a simple joke..
He's the most original comedian ever. I saw his first-ever appearance on Johnny Carson and was stunned at the depth of the jokes. Really, he's one of the all time greats.
+ReubenRabinowitz ............ Why don't you ever see Puerto Ricans on Star Trek............ because they are not going to work in the future either. Fat women wear a sheep as a tampon. Thank you very much. -- Steven Wright.
There's a light switch that doesn't do anything in my house. I kept flipping it off and on, until one day I got a letter from a lady in Germany saying "quit it."
He is brilliant. My favorite comedian of all time! My sister and I wore out our bootlegged VHS tape that we had of him in the early '90's. Even now when we see each other, we have to recite at least half of his act.
2:16 - I love this one. It's so clever. At first, it's funny "just because" of the mental picture. Then you connect the "thin line" bit, and you laugh again. You can actually hear the audience do it.
The Best! Steven kills! Not on this one, but one of my favorites is, "Every once in a while, I lean out my window, look in the sky and just wave. In case anyone's taking a satellite photo."
You could make an argument that Steven Wright is the most original comic ever. Several of his one-liners could be considered as funny and as original as they get. For instance: * I had some instant water but didn't know what to add. * Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. * Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? * If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? Some people who are not into his humor (the same people who think Monty Python isn't funny) assume this is just the work of a "stoner." Really, who else thinks of jokes like these? Like Steve Martin, the guy has been brilliant for decades.
The "sponges growing in the ocean" joke broke me. I've been a Steven Wright fan for years. I miss the hey days of his, Mitch Hedberg's (RIP), Jerry Seinfeld's, Rodney Dangerfield's, Jack Benny's, et. al. The days of true comic wit, sans vulgar language and innuendo are over.
Have to admit, to my shame, that I had not heard of this guy until tonight. Watching a BBC comedy documentary and his name came up. This guy is genius. One of the best ever. Remember the line about a friend of his who had false teeth with braces! Or who had side burns behind his ears! It just creased me!!🤣🤣🤣😋
@@joseadriansaez5494 lol..why would you feel the need to correct the guy for saying Steve for? ...just weird (That Comment was 3years old when you corrected it. Now its 6years old.. 3years later after YOUR comment, i talk shit too you...we need lives)
I saw that line used in an episode of Be Cool Scooby Doo called “Mystery 101”. The episode was released in 2015 so it would seem someone saw Steven but I didn’t see any credit for it.
Luca Simmons+ I will! lol The idea is that the person is asking, 'would you want to know _how_ and _when_ you were going to die? Both are very specific pieces of information; the person asking would probably only know for sure, both *how and when* if they were planning on taking the actions causing the other ones death. This is confirmed by the reply (to the answer "no") _never mind then_ it's like saying, 'OK i won't tell you how (or when) i am planning on killing you'. I think the subtlety of this this joke makes it one of his better ones, hope this helps ^^
The House of Ten Genres: Yes, but the humor is derived from the fact that the question is posed as a _hypothetical_ in the set-up. The punchline (never mind then...) makes you realize that it was not a hypothetical question but something that the questioner was privy to (either from psychic ability or through knowledge of a plot to kill him). The sudden realization that the question was not hypothetical is surprising and thus funny.
Love this guy. The unscented perfume reminded me of my mother choosing the soap in the bubblebath at the amusement park.. She told me later, she had pressed "none" -- thinking it was a soap. :)
One of the best ALL TIME... maybe my favorite all time. My girlfiend asked me, "If you could know how, and when you are going to die would you want to?" I said, "No", and she said, "Forget it then."
I LOVE this guy! And am proud to say I own and enjoy watching his "When the Leaves Blow Away" movie. Thanks for posting this. This is an especially fun performance.
I went to the doctor today and told him " I keep feeling like a dog ". He asked " how long has this been going on? ". I replied " since I was a puppy!! ".
Back in Vaudville days this was the only style of comedy there was , one liners . Slowly we moved into more of the storytelling style common today . But for somebody to be able to still do this style so well and for so long is really special.
9-04-2017 - - I was on a flight from LA to Detroit back in the 80's. Steven Wright was on the plane. The pilot yelled at him to get down cause they couldn't take off with him up there.
Saw him in a small bar in NYC in late afternoon. Walked over to him, said "Hi, I love your work". He said "Thanks" and at that instant, his meal came. I graciously left him so he could eat, but that may STILL be my most favorite conversation of all time.
your comment is priceless !!!!!
Just watched him on Joe Rogan Experience #1985. What a centered cerebral funny creative dude. Love his style.
One word out of Steven Wright goes a long way.
I walked up to Steve, and I said “I’m a man of few words” and he said, “Really? Me…”
How were you able to walk into a "small bar"? Thought you'd have to crawl into them.
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific." "I bought some batteries, but they weren't included...so I had to buy them again." Steven Wright
@ 2:17 "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
The line is the fishing rod's string
"sponges grow in the ocean, that kills me. i wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didnt happen?"
pure gold
wouldn't be any deeper, the water was still there it was just inside a sponge and the sponge was inside the ocean - mind blown
me too. ruptured a lung. it was my favorite one, too.
Jake Tully c
Jake Tully indeed !
Its gold, Jerry, pure comedic gold.
"If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?"
I don't know if that audience is dense or what, but that joke fucking slayed me.
The crowd was miming their laughs.
Same! They just missed it!
@@AlexZander688 hahahajJJHahahaha....
Miming their laughter. I'm sure even Stephen Wright would appreciate that one.
The audience is that dense.
Maybe you're dense. It's not actually funny.
A friend of mine has a trophy wife but apparently it wasn't first place.
💯❤
"Whenever somebody on the street asks me what time it is, I say 'Sorry, I'm not from around here.'"
"somebody once asked me if I have the time. I said yes but not right now"
"I had a very unexciting childhood.My high school colors wear clear," Flat out comedic genius.
* were
@@Magnum-bh5no
You're fun at parties.
@@rudolphguarnacci197 the joke literally didn't land because of the spelling error go eat glass
@@Claego
Thanks. I will. And enjoy it.
@@Claego
Oh, sorry, i wasn't even talking to you. Why the glass?
He found his perfect groove and never left it. Amazing longevity and creativity.
What IS he doing nowadays?
@@gregvance1136 His website has tickets for sale this fall 2021 in Scottsdale AZ, Florida etc.
@@poetcomic1 ok k. Great. Thank you.
@@gregvance1136 he just had a show in reno
I once saw a sign that said "Wet Floor", so I did.
One of the most amazing comedians of all-time....
"I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now when I drive at night it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Steven Wright
😂🤣
a priest, a rabbi, and a reverend walk into a bar.....the bartender looks up puzzled and says, "So what's this, a joke?" har-har we need more Steven Wrights on planet earth...maybe we would change from flat and become round again..
I love how he generalizes an abstract concept to create humor: “some people are afraid of heights - I’m afraid of widths”. Also: “I was doing 100 miles an hour and a cop pulled me over. He said, ‘Don’t you know the speed limit is 40 miles per hour?’ I said, ‘Yeah, but I wasn’t going to be out that long’ “
Stupid joke. That wouldn't be a "speed limit" but a "distance limit"...
@@DavidSmith-ef4eh
He's not as witty as you.
What i do everytime I'm pulled over from now on
@@DavidSmith-ef4eh If someone texted you saying to
get home quick your house was on fireh, you'd correct
their spelling and also say you live in a trailer not a house,
hang up and ignore the call.
@@bikersoncall It was supposed to be sarcasm mixed with cynicism and funny in a way where I portray myself as someone who is supposedly smart, but doesn"t understand a simple joke..
I love Steven Wright so much! His dry delivery just accents these jokes perfectly!
The most under appreciated comedy genius ever.
Well, he did win an Academy Award.
Why is that all anyone knows how to say anymore...?
If that were true you wouldn't know who he is
Fuk ppl who leave these comments
Fa sho
One of his best liners,
" right now I am having amnesia & de javu at the same time ".
Being In the Moment = Forgetful Remembrance.
déjà vu just fyi
I have a weird feeling that I've forgotten that joke before.
I thought I had de javu, but it turns out I just do the exact same thing every day.
He's the most original comedian ever. I saw his first-ever appearance on Johnny Carson and was stunned at the depth of the jokes. Really, he's one of the all time greats.
Generally comics avoid telling straight up "jokes" but this guy does it so well
This was a different era.
John Huffington Toughen up.
John, if you don't think he is funny there is something seriously wrong with you. He is one of the best comedians of all time.
Greg Lambert
He is.so is george carlin and bill hicks.. They are beauty in their profession. Bill hicks is still my top.
I have known him The Swan Princess playing a Turtle name Speedy
A light in my room went out. I wonder where it is now.
+ReubenRabinowitz ............ Why don't you ever see Puerto Ricans on Star Trek............ because they are not going to work in the future either. Fat women wear a sheep as a tampon. Thank you very much. -- Steven Wright.
There's a light switch that doesn't do anything in my house. I kept flipping it off and on, until one day I got a letter from a lady in Germany saying "quit it."
I went for a walk last night she said how long are you going to be gone. I said, " The whole time. "
'Whenever I think about the past it just brings back so many memories' its so brilliantly out of context, superb comedian.
I can't wait to live in the moment!
One of the best comedians ever in my opinion
James ur a BADASS
He was in my class at Emerson College..used to cut up the class all the time... 😆
It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it. Pure genius
Why did hardly anyone laugh at the mime joke? That was one of the best ones.
IKR? I thought that was hilarious.
I think they couldn't make out what was said. I had to rewind to figure it out.
5:12 for reference.
the best response to that is , ''they were laughing in mime''. can't stop giggling
I think it was too quick for them. I liked it.
"I stayed up last night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
He is brilliant. My favorite comedian of all time! My sister and I wore out our bootlegged VHS tape that we had of him in the early '90's. Even now when we see each other, we have to recite at least half of his act.
It makes me happy to see a Steven Wright video with this many views.
2:16 - I love this one. It's so clever. At first, it's funny "just because" of the mental picture. Then you connect the "thin line" bit, and you laugh again. You can actually hear the audience do it.
Wow the literal pun went over my head, thanks!
Thiis guy is one of the few American stand up comedians that can make me laugh out loud, the man's a legend !
He’s Canadian
@@texastinman7639 He's from Massachusetts. Unless you're thinking of his role in Canadian Bacon.
Try Mitch Hedberg
@@Marc-io8qm came to say the same thing.
@adrieneposta: 10 years later he’s STILL a comic genius!
Steven Wright once said...."If god took acid, would he see people?" LOL
That's super important
@Barbara Guest WTF?
@@BlueVooch I was just about to type the same thing.
Dude god is people and we are in control and not in control, the trick is how
@@BlueVooch nu by h6 by dgg
I was at this show. He, was my favourite act of the night. Could easily have halved the other acts and let Steven do an hour.
The verbal equivalent of Larsen's "The Far Side".
Richard Kajander single panel :: single line
pretty much sir lol
Ahh man I forgot about the far side
Damn i miss that cartoon..
I always thought the same thing
The master at his best....no one even comes close to this guy!!!
I went to see the ballet. All the dancers were standing on tiptoe. I said, "why don't they just get taller dancers?"
you should stick to your dayjob
LOLOL!!
Nice. 😂😂
LOL! I don't know how Stephen just keeps coming up with these so easily.
@@lauras3612 Who says it's easy?
this guy is a GENIUS
WHAT IS A GENI US ?
The Best! Steven kills! Not on this one, but one of my favorites is, "Every once in a while, I lean out my window, look in the sky and just wave. In case anyone's taking a satellite photo."
My grandma called me over and said "Here's five dollars- don't tell your mom I'm giving this to you"
I said "It'll cost you more than that:
+lot24 .............. She ended up re-financing her home just to keep me quiet. Sincerely, Steven W.
I love, how it takes a few seconds for the joke to work and laughter gradually increases. LoL
This guy could single handedly destroy any AI.
You could make an argument that Steven Wright is the most original comic ever. Several of his one-liners could be considered as funny and as original as they get. For instance:
* I had some instant water but didn't know what to add.
* Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
* Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
* If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Some people who are not into his humor (the same people who think Monty Python isn't funny) assume this is just the work of a "stoner." Really, who else thinks of jokes like these? Like Steve Martin, the guy has been brilliant for decades.
Corey Bayless great examples - my favorite is his dog he named "Stay" - as a puppy he liked to confuse it - "come here, Stay"
+Crashburn 32 *it's a small world but i wouldn't want to paint it
+Crashburn 32 I prefer to listen to him tell them instead of someone posting them under a video of him telling them
+Crashburn 32 His one liners destroy other one liner comics like Dangerfield.
+Crashburn 32 from the first time I heard him to hearing him just now I think he is brilliant. What a sense of humor, material and timing. . ..
The "sponges growing in the ocean" joke broke me. I've been a Steven Wright fan for years. I miss the hey days of his, Mitch Hedberg's (RIP), Jerry Seinfeld's, Rodney Dangerfield's, Jack Benny's, et. al. The days of true comic wit, sans vulgar language and innuendo are over.
Saw Steve perform at the Dominion Theatre on Tottenham Court Road in London around 1996
I always love when he cracks a smile every now and then when one of his jokes goes over the audiences head.
Have to admit, to my shame, that I had not heard of this guy until tonight. Watching a BBC comedy documentary and his name came up. This guy is genius. One of the best ever. Remember the line about a friend of his who had false teeth with braces! Or who had side burns behind his ears! It just creased me!!🤣🤣🤣😋
His comedy is deep and stupid at the same time, definitely one of my favorites
This guy is trying so hard not to laugh at his own jokes, and he does a great job at it..its his character, for that i respect him..love you STEVE!
Steven
@@joseadriansaez5494 lol..why would you feel the need to correct the guy for saying Steve for?
...just weird
(That Comment was 3years old when you corrected it.
Now its 6years old..
3years later after YOUR comment, i talk shit too you...we need lives)
I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
I saw that line used in an episode of Be Cool Scooby Doo called “Mystery 101”. The episode was released in 2015 so it would seem someone saw Steven but I didn’t see any credit for it.
I love that line. 😂😂😂
My ears really enjoyed the surround sound!
i like how he never smiles...just keeps a straight face....its halarious this guy is so funny
Intelligent humour for intelligent people. I love surrealism in all forms - art, music, literature and comedy.
One time I put instant coffee in the microwave. I almost went back in time.
The "shoot a mime" joke was hilarious............
I guess these people had either heard the joke before.................or they didn't get it.
+Buford Pusser ............. A blind comedian's worse nightmare is performing on front of a group of mimes.
follow it with, "Only if you shoot him in a library."
He recycles his jokes - expecting a newer group (generation). I've heard some of them several times thru the years.
"I used to be a translator for bad mimes."
Buford Pusser one I thought of when I heard that. If a deaf person watches a mine does he know what he's saying?
This guy is pretty good. I like the no nonsense approach. 7 mins straight or just jokes, dassit, no filler, I respect it.
This guy and Mitch Hedburg break my ribs. I have a headache from laughing so hard I can't inhale a breath. If I die it will be worth it.
"If you could know how and when you'd die, would you want to know?""No.""Forget it then".
I don't really understand that joke. Mind explaining it?
Luca Simmons+ I will! lol The idea is that the person is asking, 'would you want to know _how_ and _when_ you were going to die? Both are very specific pieces of information; the person asking would probably only know for sure, both *how and when* if they were planning on taking the actions causing the other ones death. This is confirmed by the reply (to the answer "no") _never mind then_ it's like saying, 'OK i won't tell you how (or when) i am planning on killing you'. I think the subtlety of this this joke makes it one of his better ones, hope this helps ^^
Ok thanks I was thinking that but I wasn't sure if it was just about someone being bewildered that someone wouldn't want to know
rd711 you fucked it up
The House of Ten Genres: Yes, but the humor is derived from the fact that the question is posed as a _hypothetical_ in the set-up. The punchline (never mind then...) makes you realize that it was not a hypothetical question but something that the questioner was privy to (either from psychic ability or through knowledge of a plot to kill him). The sudden realization that the question was not hypothetical is surprising and thus funny.
my favorite Steven Wright is,If a mime gets arrested would he have the right to remain sileint
Love this guy. The unscented perfume reminded me of my mother choosing the soap in the bubblebath at the amusement park.. She told me later, she had pressed "none" -- thinking it was a soap. :)
Always one of my fave comedians. This is one of his best performances IMHO. A true original.
One of the best comics
i had a friend who was a radio announcer, everytime he drove under a bridge, he stopped talking.
LOL!!
*AM radio
One of the greatest comics ever. Mitch is his protoge
Except mitch was better
"whenever I think about the past, it brings up so many memories"
Paranoid Retriever must be the best two liner I've ever heard.
"What's another word for thesaurus?" 🤣😄🤪
"I used to work at a factory that made fire hydrants. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
"My plans to be spontaneous fell through at the last minute."
"I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one."
I laughed out loud
Put your seatbelt on, I wanna try somethin'.
saenz1379 I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm sure I can do it.
...How far do you think you're gonna get...?
Fell outta my chair...
I came home and everything had been replaced with an exact duplicate.
Never go see Steven Wright when you're high. I don't know how but, somehow, I'm still there. 😲🤪😶🧐
one liner king!
and Rodney Dangerfield was.
It has to be Rodney. He was more relentless and did better at not telling the same jokes.
That mime joke laid an egg with this audience. He was surprised; you can tell.
+Anthony Scarlata I think he said the line too fast, and the word mime got muffled. I've heard it before, but it still took me a second.
+Anthony Scarlata Indeed. The way he moved himself at 5:17 was much quicker than his usual movements.
Put on your seatbelt, I wanna try something... that made me crack up laughing
One of the best...but they're all so good!
'Drove past a shop window the other day with two signs on it: help wanted, self-service. So I went in and hired myself'...
I like to fill my tub up with water then turn the shower on and act like I’m in a submarine that’s been hit!! 😂😂
I always love how he was hitchhiking and a hearse stopped and he told the guy he wasn't going that far
paranoid retriever. that's hilarious
One of the best ALL TIME... maybe my favorite all time.
My girlfiend asked me, "If you could know how, and when you are going to die would you want to?" I said, "No", and she said, "Forget it then."
This is my first time hearing this guy. Just brilliant, I know I know, I’m foreign, well not here I’m not
I LOVE this guy! And am proud to say I own and enjoy watching his "When the Leaves Blow Away" movie. Thanks for posting this. This is an especially fun performance.
I went to the doctor today and told him " I keep feeling like a dog ". He asked " how long has this been going on? ". I replied " since I was a puppy!! ".
Whose joke is that?
Maaan lol honestly there were a couple misses but 90% of this had me in tears
Back in Vaudville days this was the only style of comedy there was , one liners . Slowly we moved into more of the storytelling style common today . But for somebody to be able to still do this style so well and for so long is really special.
9-04-2017 - - I was on a flight from LA to Detroit back in the 80's. Steven Wright was on the plane. The pilot yelled at him to get down cause they couldn't take off with him up there.
He is a genius
I miss him. Brilliant. Died way too young 😭
Are you referring to Steven Wright? I don't think so
There will never ever be someone as original as this chap. He makes me chuckle.
I love how some of his jokes take a couple of seconds for the audience to get......first a bit of polite chuckles and then it sinks in......lol
He who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
Surreal comic genius.
I saw him on an episode of Becker today - it was priceless.
always brilliant!
I personally feel this guy has some of the best deadpan one liners of any comedian out there. He could write on SNLs Jack handy sketch for decades.
I live at the end of a one way, dead end street.
There should be a documentary on this guy he's so great.
One of my favorite comedians ever. He's wicked funny!
Kenny called; he's in jail, he didn't leave a number, sincerely: THE GUY ON THE COUCH.
I want to get a life sized tattoo of myself, only bigger.
The king of hilarious alternate scenario comedy that makes you think and laugh at the same time
My favourite comedian.