Dementia and Anger Outbursts (3 Mistakes That You're Making)
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2020
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1- Activities Ideas
2- What to say/do for specific Challenging Behaviors
Thanks for watching! In this video, I share 3 common mistakes that could be triggering dementia anger at loved ones, exactly what to do and say instead to prevent them from getting angry with you (with examples).
Dementia Activities Cheatsheet + Challenging Behaviors Cheatsheet Download Here:
dementiasuccesspath.com/yt-cs
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Make sure to watch to the end of the video to see how to de-escalate if all else fails and they do get angry or agitated.
Mistake 1: Too Many Words too Fast
Too many words or talking too fast for a dying brain is information overload. For a lot of folks the only way for them to communicate
to you that they don't understand what you're saying or that they are embarrassed that they can't keep up is to get upset, yell or strike out.
What to Say & Do Instead
In the first example, the dementia person's dying brain is trying to process too much at once. In the second, we have managed to keep things simple and easy to process.
This doesn't mean talking to your loved one or client like a child, simple means you are taking all the side conversation and cutting it to what they need to know as well as giving them some time to think and answer you.
This way you're setting them and yourself up for success.
Mistake 2: Commanding Instead of Asking
Commanding instead of asking can be very tempting, especially with safety and health issues. However, being told what to do especially by your child,grandchild or someone significantly younger than you can feel humiliating and demoralizing to anyone, especially someone who is already struggling with basic things.
What to Say & Do Instead:
Ask and collaborate with you loved one or client. This approach tends to work better for a few reasons:
1) You get more information about what your mom wants which is to stay in her room. The more you know about your loved one or client's wants/needs the easier it is make it so you both get what you want
2) By asking you are also giving choices which makes your loved one or client they feel in control.
When they are more in control, they are less defensive,
Them being less defensive means that they will be more willing to compromise vs dig their heels in.
Mistake 3: Your Tone of Voice and Body Language is Frustrated/Angry
Often times, folks with dementia listen to tone of voice and body language
more than your words to figure out what's going on. If you walk up head on, looking mad and sounding frustrated, they will see you as a threat and defend themselves.
What to Say & Do Instead:
With a happy clear voice and standing to the side of them ,you communicate with your tone and body that you are friendly and not scary.
What if They Still Get Angry?
Sometimes, despite our best efforts our loved one or client still gets angry and agitated. It could be due to a delusion or fixed belief, hallucination or them not feeling well they get mad no matter what. When the approaches above are tried and don't work try 2 things:
1st Thing
Hear them out and validate their feelings. Saying something like "That sounds hard. Can I help?" can go a long way
2nd Thing
If that fails as well, in my experience, it means that for whatever reason you are the target of their frustration. If someone else is there, get that person to help. If you're on your own, put your loved one on the other side of the room faced away from you if they can't be left alone or leave the room or house if they can to let them cool off.
Share in the comments your experiences or any questions.
Hey Everyone! Let me know in the comments which mistake resonated with you and why.
I like the re-enactments, to see exactly what to do differently - super helpful and realistic, THANK YOU.
In the Homeopathy world, autism is the young person dementia. I found that my son would strike out at me if I gave him too many choices. My parents have also seen the same thing when interacting with him. So we try to keep things short, sweet and simple. He does so much better when he can anticipate exactly what he needs to do. It really does help to have these videos on dementia. I know most people would think I am crazy, but it works.
This is all great advice! I especially find keeping information amounts small to a dementia patient who feels like they are losing control of their life pays off.
Hey beautiful lady! 🙂 Nice to see a fellow caregiver sharing her insights and experiences! Keep it up, I can see this being so valuable to others on their journey. -Laura
Caregiver Inspiration Thank you so much for your comment and sweet words! They mean so much! My hope is to make sure other folks don’t have to struggle as much as I did in the early years of working with dementia folks.
Hello and thank you for having these videos. My mother has dimentia and she too gets angry and frustrated easily. She knows she can't do as much as she used to so when I went to visit for a few days, I tried to think of the things she could do. She loves to reminisce and classic vocals so that was easy for me. She did refuse to shower for a while until I asked her what the real reason was; temperature of the water. Problem solved. Now we are thinking of placing her as she is becoming more forgetful. Knowing this is a legal process, what can be done to make this easier on all involved? Thank you!
I’m in a similar situation. How is the placing process going?
What are you supposed to do when you have been as nice and understanding as you can be and the person makes false accusations saying you talked to them BADLY, when all you did was ask her to not lock the door. It is so frustrating to be as kind as you can be and get blamed for being mean when you are not guilty.
Nice and understanding can be patronizing and condescending to another
The ONLY way out of this hell on earth is to STOP CARING!!!! Guess I wouldn’t make a good counselor. Phil Collins,( I don’t care anymore.)
I can’t wait to use these strategies with my loved one today! Thanks. I subscribed.
This is life changing. Thank u
great video! thanks for all of the info :)
Thank you so much for sharing! I'm taking notes of what you're suggesting to help my sister who is my mum's carer.
You are so welcome! I know I struggled for YEARS on avoiding angry outbursts from my dementia folks. After a while and meeting thousands of them, these are my personal best practices. Glad this helps you support your sister, she is really lucky to have you in her corner supporting her
Great advice thank you
Well done!
Informative video. Thanks. Question, what do you do when your LO fixates on 1 single thing, wanting to go "home" when she is in the only good home she's known for 39 years? Every day for the past 3 days. Nothing I have tried will distract her for very long!
Tony Padilla Great question! I want to go home in my experience isn’t actually a physical place, it’s a feeling of comfort, familiarity and safety. I would ask her what is at home that you want to get to? From there you’ll discover if she’s missing a specific person (mom, dad, husband etc), an unmet physical need or often times they believe that they are younger and that there are responsibilities at home that need to get done (work, chores, kids etc). This information will guide you on what the right redirection will be. If they have an unmet physical need that’s easy. If they miss that person you can tell them they are doing something else and will be coming over soon or are out of town for a while. If she’s bored and simply wants to feel useful and know that at home she was useful, having her help you organize or fold clothes will help. I hope this helps, I’m actually going to be making a video on this topic very soon. If you want to be alerted click the notification bell
My dad is in a care home with dementia he is getting very aggressive with the carers and nurses , there is a incidence every couple of days he is slapping them pushing them and today we found out that a nurse was sorting the strap on his catheter and he kicked her in her mouth , there is four of us so we all visit every week we take dad out we are all upset about his behaviour to them when they are taking good care of him he knows he has something wrong , before mum died she did everything for dad he was arrogant and spoilt and always had outbursts of temper before he was ill, I feel the home should be made aware of how dad was, but we are all totally frustrated at his behaviour any tips will be appreciated
Happy to have found u....recently my mothers long time carer has said she doesnt want to keep taking mum on a walk around our quiet street after mum angrily refused her instructions and pushed her away....whilst i appreciate how this would have made the carer feel about walking with her, i also feel behaviour management requires a bit more investigating given the circumstances...any tips??
Absolutely! It could be a lot of things but usually it is fear, overwhelm or frustration that usually makes the angry outbursts happen. Is your mom someone that gets overwhelmed with too many instructions too fast, gets frustrated with constantly being told what to do or has hallucinations/delusions that are scaring her on the walk?
@@dementiasuccesspath2239 i would say doesnt like to be told what to do
What about when 2 people living together both have dementia and feed off of each others anger?
Reminds us of angry Joe Biden.