3 Things Not to Say to Someone with Dementia
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- čas přidán 30. 07. 2024
- Download 2 FREE dementia cheatsheets at this link: dementiasuccesspath.com/yt-cs
1- Activities Ideas
2- What to say/do for specific Challenging Behaviors
Thanks for watching! The top 3 things NOT to say to someone with dementia. Know how to talk to someone with dementia and avoid the mistakes I made as a dementia caregiver.
Dementia Activities Cheatsheet + Challenging Behaviors Cheatsheet Download Here:
dementiasuccesspath.com/yt-cs
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Mistake #1: "Remember?"
As a new caregiver, this can be a hard habit to break. When our memory is working, it's easy to be reminded of things we may have temporarily forgotten. However, when someone has dementia, their ability to remember even the most recent events is shot.
While you can hold onto the memory of putting something down yourself but not remembering where you put it because you weren't paying attention. Your LO will loose the memory of moving something all together.
The most common reactions I've seen when these phrases are used are anger, being defensive or your LO accusing you of wrongdoing simply because the memory isn't there for them at all. How you should respond instead is to simply answer their question and not have an expectation of them holding onto even the smallest of short term memories like they would have before.
Mistake #2: "I Already Told You"
Something most new caregivers don't know is how often some folks with dementia will ask the same questions over and over again. The good news is that usually this tends to be a phase that passes as the disease progresses. The bad news is, for everyone how long it lasts if different.
Instead of saying "I already told you" as it not only frustrates you and your LO but also doesn't stop the repeating is 3 things
1) just calmly answer the question and see it as you exercising your patience
2) Sometimes repeating is your LO attempt at finding something familiar. Playing a old song they know will fulfill this need and can be a temporary fix to repeating
3) Give yourself time away from your LO whether it is through headphones or someone else caring for them
Mistake #3: "You have to do x"
Anytime I have heard any caregiver say this to someone with dementia, I pretty much know it's going to end badly. The reason being is that no one no matter who they are likes to be told they have to do something and when someone with dementia is trying to do something dangerous.
Like get up when they can fall or wander off it's easy to command or be firm like a parent might be with their child. Unlike children however, our LO with dementia are usually music bigger and stronger than children and even beyond that, they are adults who still deserve some say in their lives
What I say instead is "What do you need outside or why do you want X?" This way you understand what they actually need. If what they want or need you can't get them or they can't do it safety, give them a choice of an alternative
If you want more tips and strategies grab a free copy of the dementia success guide in the description. Share in the comments your experiences or any questions.
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I just recently started to develop vascular dementia and I have a lot of good days still but it’s exhausting and frustrating. There’s times when I have asked when we’re going to the store because I want to get some things and my sister is frustrated and doesn’t feel like dealing with me so she will tell me that we already went to the store. And then I will spend an hour searching for things that I don’t have because we never went to the store! And on bad days it just makes it worse because it adds to the confusion and frustration and makes me second guess myself more and I spend all my energy trying to remember something that never happened and find things I never got! So please don’t tell your loved ones with dementia that they already did something that they did not do just because you don’t feel like doing it. It’s cruel!
I'm so sorry you're dealing with that! It's so hard on everyone involved. I hope you know that you are not a burden and that by and large, you are a blessing in the folks in your life's eyes and your worth as a person isn't determined by doing things perfectly through a disease. If you ever need anything, our community of both caregivers and those with the disease are here to support you on your journey and allow you to vent.
Well, pretty good. I was diagnosed with mild frontotemporal dementia. Not caused any big problems yet, except I occasionally forget what people are sad or I’ll repeat myself. Not a big deal I care for myself I can drive etc. etc. I’ve got wonderful children, and a wonderful wife. What really upsets me is when they say I have already told you that! Sometimes I don’t remember. Sometimes they don’t run our life said to them. But I’ll must realize that it is what it is. And they are looking out for my best interest. But I am the father husband bread maker etc. for 50 years. If you’re going to speak to me please treat me like an adult not like a toddler.
My grandfather had dementia. I'm named after my grandmother, whom he was married to for 52 years. When his home health aide addressed me by my name, he started to talk about my grandmother. I think his mind had gone back to a time before I was born. I didn't have the heart to tell himmy grandmother had passed away several years before.
You said it, it is so hard to not tell them, do you remember.
Remember, every time your loved one asks you the question, it is the 20th time you have answered, but to them, it is the 1st time they are hearing the answer. Thank you for your videos!!
For such a young girl you have a lot of expertise in this! I have to remind my fiance NOT to say "remember?" Instead you could
try to say "I remember Uncle John.. like if you wanted to ask about a relative...sometimes they will say "oh yeah Uncle John used to wear suspenders." or whatever.She gets a little frustrated if you say "remember" She actually said last week.."I think i have Alzhiemers like
my mother had." I feel so bad, she is very bright, still does crossword puzzles,word finds but she doesn't remember her dishwasher is broken..
Yes. I have made them all. Knowledge is power. Thank you.
I'm starting to think i myself have dimentia....if i really feel i'm going to i should make a video to my loved ones apologizing for the frustration i'm going to cause and that for them to love me and forgive me anyways
Thx for great advice!! I want to cry for my impatience !
So glad for these videos and great advice, Krista. Recommending them to friends who are just starting down the caregiving road. Dad lived with us the last 10 years of his life (died last year, age 97). Have made every mistake you mention. :) You are offering practical work-arounds.
My late father used to say I needed to "teach Mom a lesson" for forgetting. I'd have to explain repeatedly, that segment of Mom's cognition is gone. Strangely, Mom does respond money-wise at the store, "you have to pay for the milk because you keep spilling the milk." Mom becomes more conservative with the milk, cereal etc. I don't know why that connection works -- when so many other connections are severed. I don't recommend to try that, but strangely it works in our house.
So very useful. Thank you very very much
Krista your videos get better and better! Thank you for your engagement.
Thank you for your support! I’m always happy to help how I can
Your information is so helpful. Thank you. By the way, your looking so pretty in this video!
When a patient asked me to call her husband, I did, not knowing he had passed 10 years ago. When I told her he had passed she cried like a baby it was news to her. The next time she asked me to call her husband I did and told her he Was working in the garage. She said ok.
What if they keep saying someone is talking to me but there is no one there?
Krista, do you have tips for talking to someone with mild dementia and who is refusing to accept it?
How do you “remind” visitors of what not to say, when they are family & occasional visitors (maybe 2 times or 3 times each week - but only more than 30min once a week?
I tell my mom ok but she gets mad.
One thing you should never do is elect them to be President of the United States of America. Right Uncle Joe? Oops, you've fallen again?
EXACTLY
Wake these people the hell up!!!!
Sooo much empathy here
@@carolginsberg8392 I have no empathy for stoopidity and ignorance.