Jordan Peterson’s Advice for Newlyweds
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- čas přidán 7. 02. 2023
- At the Thousand Oaks, CA stop of Dr Peterson's Beyond Order Tour, an audience member asked him to give advice to newlyweds. Watch the full video - utm.io/ueSFn
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Proposing to the woman of my life next week! Great timing with an amazing clip! Much love, Jordan and Tammy! Update: she said yes, you all are amazing. Much love.
Best wishes to you two!
That’s beautiful brother, best of luck with an amazing life!
God bless you bro and congratulations!
Congrats! Wishing you a lifetime of happiness. God bless.
Good luck mate
The problem is when you take the other person for granted. Be grateful for them and your marriage. Treat them with the respect your wife/husband deserves as your spouse.
I agree 1000%.
Wise words
Exactly.
Hence his advice to not stop dating. One doesn’t take a date or courtship for granted. Best foot forward and all that. Keep that up, is what Peterson is saying. Means the same as ‘don’t take for granted’
Married for half a year now, and we’re learning to not settle for the ugly/unhealthy parts about each other that we now see so clearly. I‘m so happy I wrote down alllll the beauty I saw in my husband when we first dated! It’s a treasure that I will go back to everytime I lose sight of the wonderful things about him.
And then it‘s my job to actively see him through this lense of beauty, and love on him. Why? Because he deserves it? No. Because he is worth it. He is made to be loved. And I decided to be the nearest person to him that will love him.
That doesn‘t mean to ignore the tricky things. We both are willing to learn to be responsible for our own negative emotions and to name and communicate our needs.
But to love him AS IF he already was the perfect version of himself, really is my number one job for the rest of our married life.
Ultimately I see this beautiful concept in God. He loves humans to death, he really really does. Jesus showed it when he thought we are worth dying for.
And the most intimate picture for his love is the theme of bridegroom (Jesus) and bride (people who love him). He loves his unfinished, sinful, egoistic, broken bride not because she is so beautiful in every way, but TO LOVE/MAKE HER beautiful and healthy and bright.
Love is the only thing that truly changes people.
Wow. Thank you for this insight ❤️ God bless
You said it woman 💜👏🏽👏🏽
Brooo i was so happy to read that, before I saw you mentioned Jesus I was like thats what Jesus loves like.
So glad you know Jesus... cuz human strength alone can't do it aye.
Amen ❤❤❤❤❤
❤❤❤
4:32 “Your kids will benefit from the beauty of your relationship.”
So true! My parents had a very beautiful relationship and I think that set a high standard for me. I’ve not yet been able to find the right partner to live up to that standard. But it has helped to have that great example to follow, because I won’t “settle” for a wrong person. I think that settling for a bad partner leads to a very unhappy situation. I think it’s worth holding out for and striving to find someone that you can have a beautiful relationship with.
Same! My parents are in their 50s & have been together since they were 16. They are still very very very much in love. So I have always had high standards with men because I would never settle or date just to date. Growing up & seeing the love & respect my parents have for one other has me wanting to emulate that. I’ve been single for 10 years & have always been told by my friends that I’m way too picky (friends that were never in healthy relationships). Well, at age 30, I finally met the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with 5 months ago. And guess what, he reminds me A LOT of my dad in the way he loves, respects, cherishes & cares for me. One day, when you least expect it, you’ll find the woman you’ve been waiting for your entire life. And it will be worth the wait. 😊
@@lecyvee3619 Thank you for sharing, that is encouraging to hear! Cool about your parents too. That kind of sounds like Peterson a bit, he and his wife knew each other since they were kids also. People are lucky if they can meet a good partner early on. I guess the rest of us just have to be patient :)
Couldn't agree more.
I 100% agree with this. Coming from a very dysfunctional family with major emotional abuse from my father and siblings and having awful examples of healthy relationships(everyone in my family that married got divorced. Parents, siblings, etc.) I married very young (age 21, still married nearly 10 years.) Since I was so damaged and didn’t have a healthy example of marriage or relationships for that matter, I married someone as equally damaged as myself. It has been the most difficult things I have ever endured. I stress this so much to my spouse how important it is to prioritize our marriage and time together to give our 4 young children a fighting chance for their future relationships. All this being said I can 100% back what he’s saying from the opposite perspective, that you all have experienced. The stress and damage that I can already see from my unhealthy marriage impressed on my children and their lives causes me to lose sleep. But it does take two willing partners to make a difference. Thank you Jordan Peterson for your wisdom. 🙌🏻
@@gemmazeterman4733 That’s a hard row to hoe, and I totally feel you. At least you are trying to do all you can for the kids.
Obviously it’s better to pick a stable person before getting involved, but that’s not always easy to set up. Maybe one can recognize a mistake and get out before it’s too late. But I think that once there are children, you owe it to them to do everything you can to make it work. Of course, there is such a thing as too much dysfunction. But I believe too many couples throw the towel in way too early and now the kids have to suffer through a divorce.
Relationships are the hardest thing to get right! That’s why I’m glad that Peterson is out there helping lots of people to understand how to be better. I think it all starts with working on yourself and setting a good example (even if you are the only one!)
“You can see who they are at all stages of life at the same time”
JP knows his stuff
@CZcams music Not even a Dr can help himself when ill. Think and be reasonable. And JP is only a human, what do you demand from him, apart from what he already has done and given? Is it not too bad that the people around him didn'tt alert and help him?
@CZcams music Liar.
Yes, he knew, He has pointed that out in detail many times.
@@youtubemusic1790 obvious troll is obvious
@CZcams music He beat it, yet you can't seem to stop getting bans for account impersonation...
Married 20 years to a beautiful woman who loves me better than she should. Those words- “don’t settle down, strive up!” Man, that’s where I’m striving the rest of my life. Thank you Petersons.
Him giving this speech with his wife sitting happily next to him is a true testament to the validity of what he’s saying ~ makes me inspired to try all the harder to be my best in my own relationship
I cannot fathom that there are people in this world that exist to tear this man down. Much love!
I can. The way he talks about raising young children is absolutely horrendous.
@@tyreeshaw9008 Exactly 💯. We need to begin teaching our kids about the superiority of LGBTQ+ at 18 months old. Anything else is just the Alt-right being wild.
@@outdoorloser4340 I seriously hope this is satire..
@@PenToPaperWritingWorkshop Supposed too be.
@@outdoorloser4340 Phew!
My wife and I make sure to have a date night once a week, no matter what. You need to focus on each other in order to make the family stronger. I tell all of my friends in relationships to do the same.
If you pretend liking someone the "pretending" will love you back... If you pretend liking some food, it will pretend back. :)
or maybe loving can be learned...you odnt know whether you like a hiking with thze partner untill you try it.
My Dad taught me you don't fall in love but you fall into a pit. You grow in love. Still growing in love!
When I asked my father-in-law how he and my mother-in-law managed to stay so happy and so in love with eachother while raising 5 kids and running a ranch, he said this: "I love our children. But I loved my wife first."
Meaning they put their marriage first, building a solid foundation for their kids.
My kids ask me who I love the most in the world I always say my husband. They are not happy with that answer 😂 I'm sure on day they will get it .
Jordan Peterson is always 100%. Another fantastic 8 minutes.
My parents never argued. They never yelled at each other. They were always in agreement, they would make every important decision together. I want such a relationship as well. I know it is rare.
Your kids benefit from the beauty of your relationship. Absolutely! I remember asking my parents to call each other my love. I remember they weren't affectionate or even NICE to each other. I wanted so badly for them to make an effort!!!
Are you me??? Lmao. My parents and dysfunc/narc af and I definitley do not want what they have when it comes to me finding a husband.
Oh man that last bit was so beautifully poetic it made me tear.
He always takes the words out of my mouth and articulates them in a way that keeps me thinking about it all day.
Thanks for all you do Mr.. Peterson
My grandmother's advice was don't go to bed angry at each other.
This was one of the most beautiful speeches I have ever heared. Mr. Petersons wisdom is just beautiful.
Date nights are so important!! My husband and I have been so distracted with the craziness of life that our dates and romance have gone by the wayside. This was a great reminder of where we need to get back to. Our marriage feels so more full and loving when we take time to just focus on us. We have been together for 13 years, and it is easy to get complacent and lazy about your marriage.
The way he paints a concept is just beautifully compelling. It’s almost as if a theater play or a melody where being created in real time. ♥️
Getting married in 6 months. Let me tell you, after a lot of intense therapy and introspection I think I can finally say “I deserve love”. My fiancée saw something in me that I never knew I had: Value. I thought that I wasn’t deserving of a wife. I was addicted to alcohol, drugs, infidelity, and chaos. My 20’s were full of tough times. The long term damage is just shy of irreparable. In the 3 years we’ve been together I thought I was just prolonging the inevitable. Taking that next drink, taking that tab of ecstasy, having sex with another woman for the thrill of cheating…yeah. But I finally managed to get clean. 4 years since I have drank, done drugs, or had casual sex. I do deserve good things. In 6 months I’ll be married to my partner and can’t wait to see what the bright side of life looks like.
Shit man, so unbelievably proud of you. You're really inspiring!
@@lassih4709that's the point, we're born deserving Love.
And most of the things we do that have nothing to do with Love occur when we lose sight of this simple truth.
It's undeniable truth you encounter when you fall in Love with someone. And I don't just mean the pretty feeling.
I mean "I'm willing to sacrifice whatever is not in service of protecting this pure, precious relationship I have been gifted" Love.
The Love not only makes you want to put yourself aside, but you actually put yourself aside for it (not just talk about doing it).
When 2 people do that, Life emerges.
@@basilmweramakokha9557 We deserve nothing but God's wrath because we are sinful people. God showed love and mercy (which human beings didn't deserve) to human beings by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross so that God could forgive our sins and whoever believes in Jesus and follow Him will be saved.
This is one of the best interviews that not only gives me comfort but also really gives me hope in people.
My biggest piece of advice would be if you have an argument, keep it going, say everything you feel about the subject, let them say everything they feel. Don’t hold anything in. Eventually you’ll run out of things to say. You’ll never hold a grudge, you’ll never need to bring up old arguments, you won’t keep emotions inside for them to build up. Yes it can be annoying at the time to go on and on but in my opinion going upstairs to calm down because you can’t be bothered arguing is a terrible idea because in the next argument you’ll bring it up. Then you’ve got 2 arguments, then they’ll tell you that was ages ago, then you’ve got 3 arguments all at once.
Just talk to each other and tell each other everything. No secrets, no lying, no laziness. You’ll be much closer to them that way.
Ps. You can see what I mean about me saying everything about a topic lol.
The best lesson I ever learned was “don’t let the sun go down on an argument.” I always try to get things solved so nothing is left unsaid. Grudges and resentment eat marriages alive.
I don’t pursue an argument to the point where the discussion becomes unfruitful, but I find bottling things never helps.
This is beautiful. Iv been with a man for a year and I feel like I can see a future with him. ❤ this advice helps a lot. I didn’t ever see an healthy relationship in my life, and I do want to keep him so I want to implement this into my life. Thank you Jordan Peterson.
I have a very happy marriage, but this video makes me want to try even harder to be the best wife I can be ❤️🥰
Couples should take a look at this clip every year so as not to lose sight of it.
Every month.
Every single video I ever watch of Jordan is so profound. Watching this video though it does feel like I am listening to my father giving me life lessons.
He is legit the dad I don't have. I need his advice. It gives me direction and teaches me how to be sustainable
"Never stop pursuing" that's ours and it's worked really well for ten years
My daughter just got married and this video just came at the perfect time. I'm sharing this with her. Tq.
I'm sharing it with ours and her finance, she is getting married in two days.
An absolute diamond! So glad I had the privilege to hear this
I think a lot of couples view marriage as a means of no longer having to woo your partner and that can cause the intimacy to suffer, compounded by the responsibilities of work and children. That spark is so important to keep nourished because you don't want to be years or even months into your marriage and lose that sense of awe that drew you to that person in the first place.
I’m a glad you brought your wife into this conversation! That small point is key for me!❤
Unfortunately, what Jordan Peterson warned against is what happened to me and my former spouse. I have so many regrets that plague my mind every night wishing things were different.
I’m so sorry 😢 maybe you could send your ex this video as a way of letting them know what you think happened and it might help with both your healing? Just ignore me if that’s a terrible idea! Sending love
I’m so sorry 😢
It’s always so unfortunate when a marriage ends but I will say at least you realize your responsibility in the matter and see what you could do differently next time. Wishing you happiness and another shot at making love last.
Same. The romance died. I’ve tried to get it back but it’s too far gone to be revived. My wife is gone emotionally. It’s a shameful waste of a precious life. Sadly, it’s too late for me to move on. I hope you’re young enough to find love again.
@@brewer9565 Itsn't late...
Strive UP! Yes and AMEN ❗. Thank you.
Newly engaged (03/05)
Thank you Peterson
That's a great extention of the "Clean your room" rule.
This is so much more than a good advice for newlyweds.
Marriage is incredibly tough. Sometimes my wife gets so upset I have no idea why… my advice, do not go into it quickly or lightly. It’s really difficult.
The way of the superior man by David Deida while the book of directed towards the masculine audience I believe it is a great read for both polarities to grasp a better understanding of self.
I quote from some bits from the book
“Your woman knows your weaknesses better than anybody. She knows where you will falter and give up. She knows the degree of mediocrity you will settle for. And, she knows your true capacity as a full man, a man of free consciousness and love. Her gift, if she is a good woman, is to test you with her darkest moods, over and over and over, until your consciousness is unperturbed by feminine challenge, and you are able to pervade her with your love, just as you are here to pervade the world. In response to your fearless consciousness, she will drench your world in love and light.
The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.”
Pray with Prophet TB Joshua online! She is maybe possessed!
@@whowhat5979 tb Joshua was a false prophet
When does she get upset /at what? Do u usually know?
@Jordan. I am so grateful for many of your contributions to humanity.
Just proposed to my now fiancé a few weeks ago, getting married next June. Thanks for the great advice Dr. Peterson!
I really wish I could afford that suit he's in. Something about it reminds me of the joker from the old Batman movies.
You are thinking of Two-Face.
What a spark of life this man is. Thank you for everything.
"Your kids will greatly benefit from seeing the beauty of your relationship" 🎯 Watched my parents date 1x a week...best thing ever.
Best summation I’ve ever heard.
He’s Awseome🏆
I love how he is wearing the Harvey Twoface suit
so much wisdom... such an amazing individual
@CZcams music Again, Liar.
Yes, he knew, He has pointed that out in detail many times.
@CZcams music Why woudl it yhurt my feleings? You're misrepresenting the context of what he actually said.
Do you have emotional issues you like to project on top of your questionable mental function and maturity too, kiddo? 😁
@CZcams music Again, you are misrepresenting the actual facts of what happened. Everything you have referenced is online and easily fact-checked by anyone and it shows that you are leaving a lot of critical details out to make your fake narratives sound correct. 😁
Feel free to prove me wrong by giving links to your claimed sources. I know you have none. 😋
@CZcams music Thanks for predictably projecting yourself at me rather than actually proving me wrong, kiddo.
You have nothing but fake claims built on false contexts and we both know it. 😁
*Seriously, I want you to prove me wrong and I even made it obvious how to do it.* 😋
@CZcams music LOL!!! Now you're just defecting to get away from actually proving me wrong *AS I ASKED YOU TO DO!* 😁
I kind of regret when my husband and I took a special night in a hotel and we spent a few minutes doing business. I didn't realize I should have kept them separate
Having just lost my husband of 55 years, treasure the time you’ve had, and for some reason you forget the ups and downs and arguments!
So I guess we were lucky!
Oh this man is a gem..🎆
Jordan I hope you and Tammy visit massachusetts one day. I wonder how many people , like me, could sit for hours at your family's feet and bask in the love and adventure. Love to you all. Thank you a thousand times
I’m a big U2 fan and Bono once said that marriage is like “jumping off a building and discovering that you can fly.” My wife and I have discovered that we can fly, but it takes a lot of work. She’s a nurse and actually saved my life. She’s always been the love of my life. Going on 25+ years with three beautiful children. And at the end of the day it is about true love, respect, putting your spouse first and commitment to your family.
Married 58 years. Only seems like yesterday. We talk all the time. Decisions are made after a thorough discussion between us. We make each other a priority. Cost 3 pounds to marry me and I remind him what a bargain he got :-)
Im getting married to the woman of my dreams in 3 days (July 1)i am so glad i found this helpful video with advice to help us navigate our new life together.
congratulations.
@@verstappen3381 thank you so much 😊. We are so happy to finally start our lives together.
Good advice.
Good advice for free!
Been married for 20 years… always say please and thank you. Go to bed angry if you are going in circles. Accept olive branches.
Separate bathrooms/toilets if you dont want the spark to go away within months. Right up there with communication/ respect, self care/fitness/stay appealing and dont stop being individuals. Just as important.
Amen
Separate bathrooms? That's....... something
why ? you don't want them to see the leftover shit ?
We've been together 7 years and we just do it next door. The bathroom is not soundproof. It's been like that since the beginning. The spark never went away. Especially because on our first trip together he got a serious diarrhoea and vomiting and even got admitted in the middle of the night and soiled his pants and all. That was a long time ago. 😁
@@littlepawML Loll that's cute
“Get in the god damn mood” yes sir! 🗣😹
Do not let anyone else make decisions for your household. The second a third person comes into the marriage, it gets messy. You’re not married to your in laws, you’re not married to your children, you’re not married to your parents… you and your spouse make the rules.
Dang good advice, doc.
I was there that night!
My secret to marriage working so far is just being yourself and not letting life change you unless it’s a change that you both agree is a good change.
This concept will die out. It's too stressful 💟
Every time I think this guy doesn’t have more things to teach me he proves me wrong
Back when I was still married I tried to do that but it became a constant fight over nothing. She would say she wanted to go out and have a good time but no matter where I took her all she did was complain about it.
I switched things up a bit and told her that I would drive and pay for everything if she would pick where we went and what we did, that way she would be happy. We never went out again after that.
Sure, she complained that we didn't go out but every time I said, No problem. I'll drive and pay, you pick. And then nothing ever happened.
Sorry you went through that man, sounds like she has some stuff to work through. I hope you're doing better these days, one day you may find someone better for you.
Keep doing what you feel is right and being kind to yourself, good luck :)
@@bearface9706 Its been years now and the whole life experience was good for me.
At the divorce, it was so petty the judge rules in my favor so she got to pay for everything, and from there, her life just went downhill.
Occasionally she pops up in my social media feeds and she looks rough.
@@artelisx She thought she married someone she could turn into someone else. Who she wanted me to be was the type of person I want nothing to do with.
A lot of it came down to the damn idiocy of the modern feminist garbage. Equal rights but only when where and how she chooses.
I believe that when a woman wants to be treated like a man they should get exactly that. The problem is that if you are not a man and live in such a world, being us sort of sucks a lot.
@CZcams music Rather like your replies in the other thread, that have shown you to be incapable of proving me wrong, even when I have asked you to do it multiple times? 😁
@CZcams music So your just going to repost random contextually incorrect stuff that has nothing to do with anything.
Good job. I broke you. 🤣
Proposing in Vegas July 27 at the top of the world restaurant in Vegas wish me luck!
Such wonderfully beautiful healing could come from this view of marriage/companionship.
A good understanding of the transition b/n dating + marriage. Thanks. Be safe Dr. PETERSON
this man is priceless
However that jacket!?
You're so wonderful :')
Hes so right.
'someone might dare to fall in love with you'. Haha, I love JP.
Please interview Esther Perel, you two share similar views on relationships i think
My parents often told me, when not in the presence of each other, what a lucky person they are to have such a wonderful husband/wife.
That has been so important for me.
And I want to say, so has Dr. Peterson. He has done wonders for my life and I keep finding out that people I know and people they know have had their lives improved by taking his advice. It's truly remarkable the amount of good he has done.
Married 3 weeks. I’ll keep these points in mind.
7:38 lol so cute
Is our Jordan starting a new dress trend!! We will see 👀
😂
Great suit worn by Dr. Peterson here!
@@elishevajones6730 Yep. I need to get a new suit made sometime soon and I am going to request a similar split two-color design that matches me.
@@thecustodian1023 it’s a cool suit, but I don’t know when you’d be able to wear it
@@internetdude1233 Would you rather see someone wearing such a suit around town just for fun.
Or, wearing their PJs around town because they are too lazy to get dressed when going out in public?
Thank you for reminding me to call my husband and invite him to the restaurant.
People don’t understand what it means to marry for a lifetime! They forget or don’t grasp that you must keep working at the relationship till the day you die just like you work at other relationships!
Marriage is hard no doubt about it my wife and I just brought a beautiful little girl into this world last year! It’s even harder! It’s so worth it! Forgive and love your spouse! And make Jesus the rock in your marriage! You will go through many trials but never forget those vows you take! And always make time for each other! I’m beyond blessed almost 5 years married!! It is beyond anything I could have imagined! May you all find your spouse out there! Give it to the Good Lord!
Over the last few months I've been working towards an honest desire for a girlfriend. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that, or if you really are "ready" to start a relationship in the first place. The logical next step is that I should improve myself till I'm "ready", and keep improving after that. One of the obstacles I've found is that I love stories and engineering so much that I don't presently have room for a special person in my life. Maybe I'll have to make more room, or adjust the space I already have. I've already had to sacrifice my raw desire for understanding people in exchange for the principle that I should love them first and understanding will happen on the way.
I mean Hollywood directors and NASA astronauts have relationships so I’m sure us ordinary people can find room for that too 😆
Hi!
In a lot of videos by Jordan Peterson about marriage, he talks about the prioritization of sex. I am subscribed to this channel named “Vanessa and Xander Marin” Vanessa is a sex therapist, and she and her husband run an awesome CZcams channel educating about sex and sex communication especially in a long term relationship. Jordan Peterson often talks about planning out the practical details in a partnership and that's precisely what Vanessa and Xander have become experts on teaching when it comes to sex and also other aspects of a high quality and sustainable long term relationship. To anyone in the comments who is in a relationship and enjoys sex (or would like to enjoy it) I would highly recommend Vanessa and Xander Marin’s CZcams channel and their book “Sex Talks”
My advice to newly weds. Always meet the in laws on neutral territory and dont let them into your home for at least two years. If you are still married after that, you may see them once a year for no more than the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee.
This right here. If the in-laws can't respect leave and cleave, you're in for a nightmare.
I’m not even married but taking notes lol the rare piece of advice that’s golden but hasn’t been regurgitated everywhere by every one
Lol thanks Dwight Schrute 😆
The in-laws are the reason my engagement blew up.
Omg, my narcissistic in laws gave me ptsd. We had to cut them off and haven't spoken to them in over a decade. They made my life hell and I regret ever putting up with it. They ruined my wedding party, my engagement party and any other happy moment we had. They used us for favors and money. It was too much. I'm pretty sure my marriage would have ended in divorce had my husband not cut them off. I don't think people realize how much damage bad in laws especially if you don't put your foot down from the start.
What event are these clips coming from?
"...not other people"😂
Is this the same for longer term dating?
Also the audio is so low, it vasicly unlistenable without a separate amplifier system. So bump your audio up on your next video
It truly is a lucky few who will experience that
Which one of his books is he referring to
We're 3rd year newlyweds. 😅
Been together since we were 14 it's been 25 years we just got married last year, not sure if we class as newly wed lol x
Keep her full, you may get tired and want to stop but her essential need is more important than being bored.
Full of what?
Bro what is that thumbnail 🤣🤣💀
It's ironic my boss has the experience, knowledge, and skills to work wonderful wedding receptions.
Buckle up, buck-o. This is going to hurt.
Date night every week is impossible with 5 small kids, but that sounds heavenly ❤
Thankfully once a month or so is ok for now and we have a great relationship just talking and doing small connection type activities
This is total talk of the flesh within. Which of course is what we are use to. But, it is that last breath that really matters. You have another human being telling other human beings what should be done regarding this or another by what they so called accomplished (college, degrees) from another human beings (psychiatrists, professors, etc.) There is only one answer for newlyweds. If the man loves God more than his wife. And the woman loves God more than her husband. Then they will automatically love each other with the Love of Christ, a love that is unexplainable. Actually, Jesus will be your Psychiatrist. And not man.
Ahhh, yes, thats why all the marriages in the devoted church are all just WONDERFUL, and never running cover for narcissistic abuse.
We seek those for which have specialised knowledge. In the same way we seek doctors for ailments instead of just hoping God will do it.And sometimes God can use the brains of those He created to work through them. The more you know.
Ouch. You used "love" in your definition. Practical expression of his experience is no less significant Paul telling timothy to take wine for his stomach.. a term love conveys meaning that is only evidence in day to day practical action.
Duty is not as important ....
@@artelisx he is not and he’s more honest than you because he’ll admit it
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