Fatherlessness Keeps Increasing - What Are The Consequences?
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- čas přidán 11. 07. 2024
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As single-mother homes continue to increase, the consequences for children become more apparent in our society.
Why would a culture continue its pressure on removing dads from families when the results are disastrous for the next generation?
Dr. Tim Rarick talks about the consequences of fatherlessness, especially with girls, including early onset puberty, promiscuity, and marital issues.
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Extraordinary societal problems we are facing because of the lack of Fathers in the home.
Yes, once father's were sent out of the home (welfare 1960's) in the inner city black neighborhoods it was the beginning of the end for these poor people. We know the impacts of that experiment. Devastating! Society repeats the same crazy mistakes from the past and then expects different consequences.
@@sherigraham3873yes. The AFDC which i posted about the same in my post.
The greater question is why? And the even greater question is why do we (not saying you) always seem to frame it as a male cause? Women up until the age of 30 actually cheat more than men. And more women today than men are initiating open marriages. And fewer women want families and as the gatekeepers of sex, are more promiscuous than ever.
Instagram Has completely rewired the female brain in the same way that porn has rewired the male brain.
But these are uncomfortable topics few want to discuss. Much easier to label toxicity of men.
I can’t help but wonder whether, in addition to the fatherlessness problem, a significant number of kids are born damaged by the mother’s drug and alcohol consumption.
It's not just the absence of a father or male influence. It's also a mother saying that the mother is the only one who should be involved, especially if trained.
100%
Random tid bit: I am the maintenance manager over a couple apartment complexes in Rexburg Idaho. The majority of our tennants are young families. Being so close to BYUI we of course have many newlyweds in their first 5 or so years. Accross 300 units we have on average 24 divorces a year, that we know about. One of them will come in to have the other removed off the lease and go over their options and sometimes have us change their locks. Some of these young girls have a baby or two. I can usually tell whos struggling by the spirit i feel in their place when im fixing something. That or the noise complaints from they yelling, or seeing the husband sitting playing video games all day ignoring his young wife whom many times ive seen cry in embarrassment that he kept sitting there playing instead of getting up and taking care of the fact that someone just walked into him home. For reals. Many of our apartments are of a couple divorced guys, playing games on their computers or tv. They did the song and dance, got married in the temple, all to sleep with these amazing young ladies who had morals, then just to ignore them after they got what they wanted.
Over and over and over and over again. Its not an isolated event, its a trend thats increasing.
This is a huge problem. And I think you could argue that the cure is more masculinity, not less.
@@kathrynbalmforth2010 In Lehi's words: arise from the dust, and be men.
We all have selfish tendencies when we're young. (I will say I think those stupid video games are a curse) I also think in order to have mutual respect between husband and wife, it doesn't hurt a thing to have a Bishop or counselor offer some kindly counseling. (and don't be shy about asking!) And better sooner than when it's too late when the hurt and anger is too deep and extensive. Forgiveness is something we know we need, but sometimes when we have been abused for a long time, it is hard to get the hurt to go away...so counseling would be advisable.
100%. I used to live across the street from 6 single Lds males who were RM's. Their house was known as a gamer house. Had consoles and Tvs all over and worked very part time so that work didnt get in the way of gaming. It was an addiction and real problem with bad outcomes in their lives.
This is why I always say that women should avoid men who play video games on the regular. Video games and porn are the downfall habits/copes of men today. Women need to stop dating gamers and rewarding these boys with marriage and commitment .
And I always say that I wont date a woman who has a phone addiction (constant scrolling), a sexualized (loads of bikini pics / sexual poses) Instagram full of risqué photos and who would not be willing to drop their IG and have a family only account . IG rewires the female brain the same way it does the male brain with porn and video games. IG is the #1 cheating app as well. Dr Scott Galloway said social media is like giving a kid drugs...and it leads to more unhappiness.
The DIFFERENCE in the above is that I am applauded when I tell women to stay away from loser gamer / porn addicted guys yet am shamed / dismissed / laughed off when I say I want a woman who is willing to give up her IG / social media and just have a family profile and for her to not be addicted to constant scrolling. Been on tons of dates and the lionshare cant stop scrolling on their phones for less than a few minutes. Same as loser gamer guys.
@@ruckin3 Worthiness and virtue are real qualities, gained by real effort.
Captain America was right though!!! Also stoicism as a philosophy is not toxic, but pop culture stoicism is unhealthy.
I think the reason why there’s a lower out of wedlock childbirth rate among college educated women is because they’re having more abortions, not because they’re more “disciplined” and aren’t getting pregnant. They ARE, they’re just more likely to get an abortion. They don’t want the “interference” during their education and starting their career. Teenagers are more likely than single college students to continue the pregnancy.
100
My dad taught me to have a sense of humor as well as help me with my mental disability to prepare me to take on the world. I don't think I'd be the girl I am today if it wasn't for him.
The consequences are the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets, just like the Proclamation on the Family says. The cure - the law of chastity.
Tim was one of my professors. I loved learning from him. Great to see him on the show!
Awesome content lately 😁
Glad you enjoy it!
All our children suffer from abuse and neglect. I suffer from the same abuse and neglect. We didn't deserve it and we are worth more than this. I feel so heartsick for my children. My question is because my family is suffering from generational abuse. I want my family to heal so much. Question ❓ What happens to a boy who has abusive and neglectful parents? Parents in the home, but absent, abusive, and neglectful.
as an animator by trade... I appreciate the Pixar quotes, this is great!
Great discussion. It amazes me how the points Tim brought up is difficult for some people to except for people the think and believe differently then themselves. This is a great topic and is scary as a father I always wonder if I am doing enough and if I am a good example for my children, both my daughters and my son. Today it feels difficult to explain to them how they can be strong and independent and still have a great respectful relationship with their future spouse. It is also scary watching them choose a spouse, hoping the person they choose will treat them with respect and love.
Great topic and discussion love it Greg keep up the great work.
The consequences of fatherlessness is found in Malachi's prophecy in 4:6. He tells us that if the hearts of the fathers don't turn to their children... the earth will be smitten with a curse.
Anecdotally I witnessed many girls on my mission in Colombia hitting puberty at ages 10 and 11. They didn't have fathers in the home
There are multiple studies, which show that girls with absentee fathers, mature sexually at an earlier age. It’s not anecdotal.
Extremely interesting and informative in a blessed way.
There’s nothing toxic about being stoic, seeking high level careers, or gaining muscles. Being competitive is not toxic. The definition given before those descriptors was more correct.
Great topic and guest though. This is such a critical discussion that isn’t happening enough today.
More on this coming.
100%. I was going to lay that out but it falls on deaf ears. Never a discussion on female toxicity traits, right? . Men are labeled as such too easily and the archetype laid out in this discussion was so typical and weak. I was disappointed that label wasnt qualified more and just used the typical framing we all hear today. Very gynocentric leaning frame.
But let's say that a man is toxic with big muscles and big game and big money.......the bigger question is why so many (not all but a huge share) women are drawn to that like a moth to a flame?
I understood him as implying taking those to an excessive state is the issue.
Yeah, I was surprised to hear that too. There are a lot of scriptural examples of men who have traits of worldly success like physical strength and wealth, but also have Christlike attributes. I think of Nephi, Lehi, the army of Helaman, and others.
I agree that the reason behind pursuing success is important, but that reason can change over time. God can mold high achievers into men of God if they have humility. When the call comes, men of God are ready to leave careers and make other sacrifices to serve God.
I also want to defend the stoic attitude. For all that we hear about women wanting men to be more emotional, that often turns out not to be the case, as men are often punished for expressing their emotions. I think a lot of men learn that from experience. Stoicism can be very useful in hard times, or when there is work to be be done or problems to be solved, so in this way, I don't see it as a toxic attitude.
A girl gets her identity from her father.
As a doula I have seen again and again how babies of both sexes immediately looks around for Dad. If he is absent, they both keep looking...all their lives.
Tim , you are right, and it breaks.my heart to counsel with a Sister in distress because the male world has hurt her heart ....a hurt that often started at birth.
OK I have a REAL example: my husband and I have a yours, mine, ours family of 13 children. I have noticed over the years that his children having had a loving dad really made a difference in his children's stability. AND his influence upon my children after we married was such a help to them to see what a real loving man was like as they grew up without that kind of solid influence. Then take our last child.....the OURS in this family.....wow.......a solid loving wise son for certain, because of the influence of his very good father. So YES a good father makes so much difference in the lives of his children.
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you. Great discussion.
You're welcome!
Interesting discussion. I'd love to hear more
This is so good. We need more than just Fathers in the home, we need engaged and intentional Fathers
I'm 82 years of age and grew up without my father in our home. I can probably count on my two hands how many times I spent time with my dad. As I listen to this and think how strange life's view has changed. Here is my life's impact living without a father in the home. My mother sent one of my brothers to live with dad. My parents were alcoholics. My brother, as an adult, told me how dad used to beat him often. He was married 3 times before finding the women who truly loved him and worked to help him realize his worth.
The 3 of us left in my mother's care had interesting lives. My youngest brother followed the alcoholic path, like my mother, father, and older siblings from mothers' first marriage. His second marriage has lasted for many years but has no substance. My sister, 11 months older than me, from my mother's first marriage? (Not so sure this is true) She and I have always been very close. We love each other (not physically) but her life was so different than mine. She was married 4 times and never found that one true love... she was always looking. She, like me, chose not to follow the alcoholic life. Her life has not been ideal.
I don't know if my mindset was strong in knowing I wanted for my life, and I settled for nothing less. Not only did I choose not to have alcohol as part of my life, but I said it would not be a part of my marriage.
I know your talk is mostly about sex appeal as a part of life and how it is changing. With alcohol a big part of my life, so was a mother and oldest sister who had a sexual drive that we, as children, had to watch some traumatic events! These experiences I had to deal with left me with horrible images that I sometimes have to deal with event at my age!
Despite all of this, I was blessed and protected and guided from a desire within to have a normal life.
I think the giving-in to the media pressure has caused a lot of what you are talking about today!
I didn't grow up with the gospel in my life as a family, but the few times I was exposed to a church environment, I remembered what touched my heart! One big message that has stayed with me since junior high evolve...JOY
JESUS FIRST
OTHERS SECOND
YOURSELF LAST
This little phrase was a God sent message directly to my heart!
My heart goes out to those who struggle and feel like they have no other path to follow than the lies the media (for the most part) tell us!
What does this mean for moms who are from families with fathers who, though dependable as providers and perhaps partially effective as dads, are toxic in other ways, such as verbally abusive, extremely distant and dictatorial? My husband died in his 50s and my girls had both recently married at the time. They married similar men. I'm not even sure how I did. My dad was not like that at all, though we weren't close in my teen years. It was my fault mostly.
Great figure on this topic is Warren Farrell, particularly his book “The Boy Crisis”
Great book!
I’m a southerner and I’m sad to say none of my Christian friends have kids (I’m 30)
The only people I know who have kids my age are members of the church. This is bad for society- albeit a positive for the church. It means we will hopefully grow as a people in a crumbling society. And be one of the cultures that gives men structure and purpose. Perhaps this is what will lead to the priesthood saving the constitution
Yes. Agree. But utah just had the largest percentage drop in childbirth in the nation. I think we’re going to continue to see a trending down. I am in the dating world and the number of women who want kids or maybe maybe just one or two max is very high. Instagram has taught them that a career and travel is higher value. A lot dont really want kids or marriage.
I pray this is so. Joseph Smithstated the Rlders of the church would save the Constitution but more modern day prophets say, no, it could be men from other religious sects. Our modern day prophets have not uttered a word on thus other than saying it's not so. I'm so confused matter
Sorry for typo, meant, Elders.my typing pad is skipping, stopping etc
@@celindahearld1328 I believe it’s Christians who will stand up for the constitution. Whether these Christians are from our religion or others doesn’t matter as long as they are true followers of Christ.
@@celindahearld1328 I dont doubt you but do u have a reference for this?
Unfortunately, I am still in the LDS Midsingle scene. This attitude of the strong-independent woman is sooooo prevalent among single members of The Church. In the past women were looking for a "Worthy Priesthood holder." Now that takes a backseat to wealth and social status. You can have all the desirable physical and spiritual attributes, but if you're below a woman's socio-economic status, it's a no go on a first or second date. In my experience this is worse within The Church. There are more people outside of The Church that make the qualities a person has a higher priority than their socio-economic status.
I served a mission in a country where 75 percent of kids were raised without a father in the home and saw many of the problems related to the culture. In the United States, fatherless society has contributed to higher crime, mental and health issues, and a welfare state that is getting out of control. I consider this the most serious problem in our society. There are definately times because of personal choices, that the father needs to be removed. There are also cases where the father dies, leaving a grieving family. In the vast majority of cases, parents need to fight together and work out their differences for their children because every child needs a mother and a father. The youth should be taught to wait until marriage to start a family. It seems so simple, but seems to be the bane of our society. When I think of advanced civilizations, I think of societies with very strong nuclear families. I don’t know why we would want to stray from that.
Which is worse… the absence of an abusive father or keeping that father in the home ?
What do you think?
@@CwicShow You don’t need an abusive father in the home just to say you have a father…
@@frederikatenhoopen6112 Absolutely!
@@CwicShowSo why the encouragement of family, children to visit fathers in jail?
@@frederikatenhoopen6112 Men are in jail for various reasons. Would you give up on them? It depends on the circumstances.
47:30 - 47:47 - I can't quite nail it down, but I don't believe this line of argument is correct. I think if a woman is really into to what she needs, she would ask for it. She would invite her husband to see her perspective through dialogue and actions, instead of trying to manipulate and control him to the point where he chooses to hangout on the rooftop (Proverbs 21:9) and she gets bored, depressed, etc. and leaves, chasing something somewhere else, kids in tow (no father in the home), and repeating the cycle. Sorry for the run on sentence. Unless she really married a seriously toxic guy, he probably wants to do stuff to please her. If she's really tune, why can't she adhere to D&C 121:41-42 as well? His argument gives wives too much of an excuse to blame the husband.
Nope. Thats how men work, yes. But not women. Part of their receiving of Love is in the intuitiveness of her husband to send her needs and support her without her having to direct him in every single thing. You literally just got done saying in your comment an oxymoron. Where you are both wanting women to not bug the men, while also having the women stand up and say what it is they want. That's not how this works. Real men don't need to be told from their wives to show love. When they do this they receive their wives respect which to the husband is just as important as the wife receiving love. But if she has to guide you like a remote control car you don't really deserve her respect
@@herbmason3204 Don't try to turn humans into mind readers, and don't confuse contention with clear communication.
Thats fair
@@pilotandy_com the fundamental communication difference between men and women is that most women want their man to be a mind reader 😂😂😂 it’s a harsh reality that men (and women) are not 😂😂😂
The only woman I've *ever* heard whining about 'emotional intimacy' personally (so, yes, very small sample, definitely anecdotal) is a serial adulterer and horribly emotionally abusive to her ex-husband. And yes, she initiated the divorce. And she's been cheerfully snowblowing the ward and stake, and leaders, using false claims of abuse to weaponize the church community against him. But, you know, #BelieveWomen.
The guest doesn't really get into it, it's kind of a throwaway comment he's making here: tagental to the main topic, at best.
But my own thought is that toxic feminism probably plays a huge role. And it's been quite some time now since, I think it was Boyd K Packer who talked about how the schools are producing society's ills. He was talking k-12 in the quote, if I remember it correctly. But most universities are public schools --and even ones like BYU's various campuses that are ostensibly private, even those take public money. And you know how it is: he who pays the piper calls the tune. It's well established at this point: government is an anti-family institution. Particularly the traditional family of a father, mother, and their children. So it's not surprising when girls who have been educated in government schools end up adopting attitudes favored by the anti-family powers currently in control of government: if you send them to Rome to be educated, you can expect them to be Romans.
We are taught empowerment and rugged individualism, but I have found that a degree of interdependence is a big key to a successful marriage. It's probably an unpopular take, but having a level of trust and dependance (as vulnerability) will strengthen the relationship.
Regnerus is awesome, I encourage everyone to study his published research
Can you do a video about fatherlessness for boys
Ethic of Autonomy seems to be the reason I just can't quite call myself a libertarian.
Yeah, I tried thinking that way until I realized that I don’t live in a vacuum and other peoples’ values will encroach on my own. It is our responsibility to speak truth into culture and vote with our wallets.
I blame the education system. Taught without moral compasses in place.
True. However, there IS a moral code being taught, but the moral code is a twisted post-modern one based solely on an over-simplified victim/oppressor dynamic as well as the expressive individualist moral code. So its actually worse than no moral code, what is being propped up as moral is actually inverted.
I blame the anti-family court system. Why is it that dads that don't want to be in their kid's lives have it so easy but dads that would go to the ends of the earth for their kids are forced through hell? No parent should have to beg or fight through the courts just to get access to their own child. I've seen it happen too many times and too many times it is the father who is the victim of a narcissistic mother who has been granted custody, who is brainwashing and alienating her children. Dads are asked questions about their status on child support yet mothers are never asked if they are keeping the children from visiting their father.
College educated women are in a better position financially to leave a bad marriage.
That’s true but that’s a pretty bad reason to get an education. That’s setting yourself up for failure. Your reason for doing something is based on fear that you might get a divorce. If you are getting an education, do it because being educated is important or because you might need to support a husband or family while they finish their education. Never let fear be your rationale for doing something.
Starts too fempremacist
I wonder about the Adam and Eve story, Eve partook of the fruit and Adam(me) thinking you messed up…. Now I’m going to have to either be alone or I’m going to descend to endure to be one(whole) with its consequences. I think people are choosing the first, they rather be alone….
Economic hardship, the inability for the average man to provide for any sort of life / bare necessities even just for himself, a place to live, to get out of his parents house - has come head to head with easy access to porn, online / in person access to sex workers, and for some, militant but ambigously concentrated celibacy / nofap / semen retention, etc.
For a while I have been awakened to the consequences of earlier sexual maturation (puberty) because the body is outpacing the moral and neurological development. But what is also interesting is that most of the change of the age of puberty has occurred since the industrial revolution, and is mostly caused by a change in diet.
You can get animals to develop and reproduce faster by giving them more food, and more calorie dense food. In nature, all the extra energy from food goes into reproduction, such as when you have a bloom of mice because of a corn harvest. Super-availability of food causes animals to go into a hyper-reproductive mode. And now, the abundance of food, especially processed food, has caused people to hit puberty several years earlier than was typical in the past. And specifically, studies have shown that dairy induces rapid growth and maturation, which is one reason why people hit maturity here faster than they do in asian countries. The fact that the school system has become propaganda for the dairy industry, pumping kids full of milk, should make you wonder.
Not true. My family. Raised on raw milk from family dairy. No signs of early maturity in physical since. Many other dairy farm families without this as well.
@@sherryhigginbotham6444 Compared with everyone else? In the 1800s, average age for onset of puberty was 17 for girls. Today it's under 11. It's steadily gone down by decade. But there's a lot more to it than just dairy, but that is one big reason Asians hit puberty later.
Maternal feminist - big ocean women