Lessons Learned from Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry
Vložit
- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- Lessons I've Learned from Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry
In today's episode (which is also available as an audio podcast), I delve into lessons learned from one of my favorite teachers and approaches: Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry.
I explore his method as a facilitator, the importance of gaining consent, his views on addiction as attempts to solve suffering, and authenticity versus attachment. Reflecting on his teachings, I discuss the impact of the “still-face experiment” and how connection to self is crucial in our healing journeys. I'll also share insights on overfunctioning as a coping mechanism and Gabor's perspective on thriving in a sick world. Join me as we reconnect with ourselves and each other.
00:00 Introduction to Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry
00:45 Facilitation Techniques and Interruptions
02:37 The Role of Consent in Facilitation
03:07 Understanding Addiction and Suffering
06:56 The Still Face Experiment
10:23 Authenticity vs. Attachment
18:01 Overfunctioning and Coping Mechanisms
20:46 The Impact of a Sick World on Emotional Health
22:45 Present Moment Awareness and Self-Connection
The Still Face Experiment: • Still Face Experiment ...
Gabor Maté Website: drgabormate.com/
The Myth Of Normal: amzn.to/3zoVdmc
Compassionate Inquiry: compassionateinquiry.com/
* Visit: Website: allisoncrow.com/
* Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison allisoncrow.com/coachingwalli...
* Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview allisoncrow.com/ifs/
* Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human allisoncrow.com/unarmoredtheb...
/ allison_crow
/ allison_crow
/ wildesgesofbeinghuman
Gabor’s words and work have helped me to initiate the discovery road to healing. Thank you for the great question on how the disconnect presents itself now, wanna use it in my daily life.
me too! It's a nice, gentle question that reinitiates that attuned self-presence.
"Concept of people who over-function and people who under-function. I learned that my over-functioning is one of the ways that I cope with being disconnected. Because it makes me feel busy, it makes me feel productive, like I'm doing something. It's a way we're trying to regulate ourselves. But we're oversourcing by over-functioning. Coping mechanisms are not inherently bad, it's just are they useful at the time, healthy? To stay protected"
Love this.
I see it in toxic coaches - they give advice for socially anxious to be busy. Yet - people who struggle with anxiety issues - do over-think. They are already too busy. So this "advice" to be busy and find something to work on obsessively confirms their intrusive worry and inner critic to stay stuck in hypervigilance mode.
"Disconnection from yourself is the ultimate trauma. Authenticity versus attachment. Authenticity gets sacrificed when attachment is threatened. “I won't be loved so I'll suppress my true self”."
Thank you for this.
This reminded me what I have forgotten when I started to learn about Complex Trauma.
One commentator on my social anxiety reddit forum told me that she does not understand how to be truly self, authentic, what does that mean. And this is common question to anyone struggling with social anxiety - due to ACE and AcoA - where we were exposed to operant conditioning of punishments and criticism 24/7 and fault finding and catastrophizing daily errors and events.
This is deep -
being authentic and trusting our Self - means that we do not listen to CBT which explains social anxiety as being over sensitive and as our imagination. Trusting and validating our Self - means trusting our anxiety. It is there for a reason.
When we struggle with anxiety - it means that there are toxic people out there.
And trusting our feelings - means that we do not suppress them as CBT explains to socially anxious.
And this is where it gets deep.
When we validate our emotions and feelings - for the socially anxious it means that we need to investigate where we live and what toxic ambient it around us.
Chances are we are in dysfunctional households and shame based culture country - where people are intrusive and shaming.
And this means that - trusting our feelings and emotions of anxiety means tectonic changes ahead -
cutting toxic people and relocating from the toxicity.
Because everyone knows that we cannot control other people and we cannot talk or communicate with toxic people because they are stubborn and ill.
And this is now problem if we are unable to move away - due to finances or contract or red tape.
And that means - that the only way out is to become "crazy".
IF we no longer suppress our anger and feelings of terror as reaction to abnormal and aggressive and intrusive and sick people - we will become crazy ourselves. Borderline.
I believe trauma occurs when we try to block our natural reactions to abnormal people - and we end up being stuck in fears and panic and anxieties due to our attempt to regulate our ambient and to fix people around us who are the cause of panic and fears. We twist ourselves into pretzel - and that is the trauma.
The solution is - to move away from toxic people whenever possible -
and if we are not able to do that - we need to allow ourselves to get angry at people who are terrorizing us through micro-aggressions and childish behavior which we learned in ACE childhood to internalize and personalize as our fault and duty and obligation to fix.
I see self-awareness about what is happening - that it is not our fault and that we do not need to twist ourselves to please others as healing from trauma - and then slowly moving away from toxic people - instead of trying to please them and fawn to them.
That would be true self and being authentic.
Yes! Beautiful and deep comment. An internal family systems or partswork lens has been so helpful in me seeing my anxiety, anger, dissociation parts--- all of those parts chronicle shamed, having benevolent intent - "Hello Anxiety, I see you. I am here for you. I will not leave you. What do you need me to know and sense? What are your fears and concerns?" and then ACTUALLY LISTEN to the wisdom of the anxiety instead of shame and stuff it. I'm here for the NO more suppressing! IFS and Compassionate Inquiry are two lenses/practices that help me and my clients befriend these parts instead of suppressing them! Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.