Existence is traumatic
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
- Life is filled with inevitable trauma, death, and tragedy, even if you've had a seemingly normal or average life.
This is because of a significant divide between what your life is like and how you actually feel. It's not just about having a good or bad life; internal variables can dramatically impact someone's emotional experience.
It's important to recognize the validity of your own emotions instead of constantly seeking validation from others. Suppressing your pain only leads to more suffering.
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Hear the Podcast:
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What's inside:
00:00 The Divide Between Life and Feelings
03:30 Life's Inherent Trauma and Uncertainty
06:56 Acknowledging Life's Fragility and Pain
13:27 The Importance of Self-Validation
Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client. But I do care.
Thank you. It is good to hear that I'm not the only one that is horrified by the "normal" of life on planet earth.
I've been saying that existing is incredibly traumatic for years and it's great to finally get some validation!
I swear to....who ever is out there that we all swear to...
Every single time I'm sobbing in my room from another one of life's blows and I open CZcams to seek out self- help, or something to sooth me at the least...
Every time there you are! Taking about the exact things that got me crying that day. . .and it works. It actually works.
There's nobody else that can shut off my sob sessions like you can. I'd still be thinking about all the ways out of here if it wasn't for picking up my
(I hate that I'm going to say this) but my cell phone, and opened the very app that ruined my kids personalities. . 😌
So I guess thanks CZcams but more importantly, thank you.
I am just one person, but I hope you get a sense of accomplishment and purpose when you find out you've helped someone escape from what could have did them in that day. That's something you should be incredibly proud of yourself for.
Yes. INCREDIBLY traumatic indeed!!!!
sometimes it feels like we're all on a train going full speed into death and no one seems to notice
Do you mean full speed into being murdered?
I prefer to think of it as being on a burning rock flying through space at 10,000 mph.
Wow❣️I love this saying… this is how I’m feeling. My health is a run away train right now to end of life.. Ty so much for your posting this. I’m the only one can change it. I’m not ready to go.❤
"You don't have to have had an especially hard life to deserve the right to struggle and feel immense pain." 👍
Experiencing pleasure in life is never a guarantee. Experiencing pain is almost always a guarantee.
With so many self help gurus gaslighting the viewers “ the world isn’t a dangerous place that’s just childhood trauma and depression talking “ ..The clinical psychologist nails it. I often wonder how we function…denial? Compartmentalization? …I was military, law enforcement, EMS spanning decades ..learning I was living with another human with no empathy or compassion and that she wasn’t a rarity ( more gaslighting that these effers are extremely uncommon) was the biggest blow for me. Having to face the reality of where that all began…the repeat patterns- hugely profound. Thanks Doc - I feel especially validated today 😎✌🏻
I am an Empath and HSP and I suspect you are too. I feel your pain, literally. I feel everyone's pain. They say it's a gift, but it's not. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed that I don't want to be here anymore. It is very hard to live in this world. There is so much evil out there. I have been afraid my entire life. I have anxiety and depression, with some childhood trauma and PTSD from being held at gunpoint and robbed twice at a job I had in my early 20''s. Your videos are great and very helpful, I'm so glad I found you. thank you so much!
Hi there. Thanks for your comment. I am an INFJ Empath and HSP. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me until I learned what was actually going on. Like, just watching someone else getting a shot or pricking their finger for a glucose reading, I feel a momentary stab in my stomach. Seeing violence in a movie or show is like a mental and physical assult and either I shut it off or fast-forward through it. I can't say being an Empath / HSP is a gift or not, or maybe it's a curse... I don't know. All I DO know is that we have to learn to handle these feelings and protect ourselves the best way we can. It sucks.
We as epaths have to learn how to direct there feelings from ours and keep them separated from or out feelings and I have not figured out haw to accomplish this. Yet
Existing is Exhausting! Some days, I feel like a "walking dead" on this Earth. 😔
I feel that 🧟♂️
I have always found existence traumatic. Then my son died. Imagine how I feel about life now 😔
😢❤
I’m so sorry for your loss of your son I know exactly how you feel, my heart is shattered also, can’t seem to get it together most days, I’m so ready to go home to my sweet Lord!
Mine too. Im so sorry xx
I'm so sorry
To understand is to forgive.
I emphatize with all of you who lost a child. Soldier on.
May you be safe, be healthy and be happy.
Sometimes our depression and anxiety is misdiagnosed as mental illness when in reality people like this are oftentimes simply seeing life on this planet with a pragmatic sense of realism. Human beings are a fragile race living within a broken world.
Spot on!!
I’ve never heard anyone put this into words so well
I really needed to hear this. I grew up with physical sexual and emotional abuse. I know the world is fucked up. I have CPTSD depression and anxiety and I learned how to mask it. I learned my feelings don't matter... that I don't matter. I was expected to pull myself up by my bootstraps. One of my mom's favorite sayings was suck it up buttercup.
This world right now has go me running scared. It's brought the old belief that the world is a cruel and violent place... that I'm not safe. Over the past few years my pain has been quite crippling. I have a very difficult time functioning.
I need to see that it's okay to be in pain. I also need to believe I can live through the pain as well. I hope I have been to depressing for everyone. I just know that pain is very real and that all of us need to learn how to love one another.
I feel your pain literally been through same childhood trauma then married more of the same! It has caught up with me! I have heart failure and suffer debilitating depression anhedonia. That stuff is not me!!!
You are awesome and you are valid! And we all need to wanna live this life. It's alright to be in pain, but life is still worth it, I think. Thank you for your story!
I really appreciate your honesty and hand reaching out to pull us out of the crap we are drowning in. Thank you.
I am wholeheartedly convinced that use of the phrase. "Suck it up buttercup" should be diagnostic of a personality disorder.
I feel so many of the things you discussed. I wish this world were not about us going through things like that.
Just know you're not alone. Like the Dr. said your feelings are real. I hope your on the road of healing. We are much stronger than we think.
Sometimes in those moments when I know I should be making some effort to clear my mind and fall asleep, the full-on, mind-melting absurdity of just simply EXISTING hits me like a freight train, and I am left gasping for breath and sobbing because none of this makes sense, it's an experience of something so profoundly, indescribably fantastic and strange and overwhelmingly full of sensation and awareness that it's just too hard to exist. I wonder if sometimes when people "check out" suddenly, it's because they had revelations on this degree and just can't take it. I fully empathize with this feeling and I hope whatever everyone else is going through out there, that they find some peaceful moments and experiences that make it less severely painful and frightening. The pain and fear never go away but you can keep exploring other ways to exist.
Incredibly relatable, wow. Sounds just like me
Yes! 100% I have always been told I'm too sensitive or anxious - but I really just feel the world too much and feel traumatized by it at times. I will think about all the horrible stuff a lot - especially if I have witnessed something or seen something horrific in the news or a movie. I keep replaying those things over and over in my head - plus worry about all the horrible things in the world happening to my sons. I am otherwise NOT an overly anxious person, I have more the depression side of things. It is a comforting thought to validate ourselves instead of pushing all those feelings down.
Totally get it, I’ve had to pretty much stop watching the news and most movies because of this ❤️
@@DrScottEilers I know right. I always wonder how this stuff DOESN'T affect everyone when they watch the same things?? Sometimes I just try to make myself focus on the beautiful things in the world too - but boy it's hard.
@@jadeybabes33well this channel is proof that it certainly does affect many people. It is comforting to know that we are not alone in our sensitivities right?!
@@del8450wow! I always refused to watch the violent movies that my late husband would watch because I would be left thinking about them. I always wondered why he could watch them and find them “entertaining “ and just not even think about any of the violence or horrible characters in the movies. I am so glad to find that I am not the only one to feel like this. Even though we are probably a little too sensitive for our own well being.
I quit watching tv and especially the news many years ago, in sheer self defense.
More than one mental health professionals has invalidated my traumatic experiences by saying there are more successful people out there with bigger problems than mine. I took that to mean my life is so small and insignificant that I don't have a right to waste their time complaining about my trauma. So I walked out and have never gone back to therapy since.
I think you should write a written complaint to that therapist! Shocking someone trained in therapy could say that to you! 😢
Your life has value. I used to think that I was small and insignificant. Once I started the healing journey, note it's different for everyone but once I started I realized that I let other people's trauma become my truth. The abuse the invalidating, all of that was their trauma language (for lack of a better example) dont know your journey but when young I took that langyage to heart. As I started to grow out of the constant thought loops of my past, my perception started to shift. Not everyone will get you that's true for all of us. Not everyone's gonna get what we're going through or pulled out of. Sometimes it's easier for some to give a less than compassionate response because they may be triggered. Just because a few of these folks may have a psychology degree does not make them less susceptible to being an a'hole or just burned out with their own journey. But, don't ever let that put your light out. When someone reaches out to you for support, someone will at some point, pull on that light and let it shine on them. It will be extremely healing for both of you.
This guy has some great podcasts. Stick with them, Im going to. 🤗
I come here to listen when I am in so much pain. It keeps me hanging on. I listened it helped me. I just have a hard time dealing with the shame of being depressed, especially when others are on top of things.
I feel that too, like other people have their sh*t together, why am I such a mess? But every time I say that to anyone they are like "omg I definitely do NOT have it together, no one does"
Childhood trauma,including 3rd degrees burns,and being beating so badly at 9....I was never the same. I've been in therapy 23 years now.
Thank you,your videos are very helpful ❤
I’m sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve that. Hugs 🤗
I work in human services and health care and over the last 10 yrs. Have learned MOST people dont know how to cope with life challenges, bad situations. Most people cope using escapism by shopping, gaming, 'scrolling' or substance use because our society encourages that. If at a community or societal level acknowledged the huge lack of healthy coping skills, we could radically change the world....lets talk about big issues and healthy coping skills in school, workplaces, community workshops, health care appointments, etc. i think my depression was made worse by others brushing off my concerns and worries since i was about 14 years old...ive learned not ro look for valudation from family ir friends. It sucks but it really helped.
This 👆
This is the first time I feel validated for my intense anxiety surrounding the potential for tragedy. I am sensitive and empathetic. I feel the pain of others and myself very strongly. World events , especially the war happening in the middle east have sent me into an existential spiral. Whatever perceived security I have felt has vanished. I had a sheltered upbringing and now as an adult out in the world I feel afraid every time I leave the house.
I’m a highly sensitive and empathic person too so I understand your pain.
It doesn't help that back in history our world was our village and all its news, but now our world is youtube and social media and ALL the world's news. It's hard on our tender, generous, kind and empathetic consciences to see the whole world's pain and not have enough input into alleviating that pain. It leaves that undercurrent to everything that pain is too big and too heavy to bear.
My solution is to obey the call to share the care in my little world of influence and hope as each does that, together we make a difference!
I do think this is a big part of it ❤️
Thank you.
I talk to my partner about my feelings when things are awful for myself and those around me. He says stuff like "it's just one of those things ", "it is what it is", " other people have shit lives too". I realise now that is invalidating.
And he probably just wants me to shut up and live in a bubble where I don't think or feel anything deeply, like he does. This makes me feel validated and that I'm not wrong to stuggle in this world.
I appreciate you putting words to these feelings and experiences. The world is a little less lonely now.
I love this channel because Dr. Scott says all of the validating things that I wish my friends, family, and past therapists would have told me, along with real actionable steps
I'm looking forward to this topic, for me, life's pain is about navigating grief, not physical pain yet, but that's coming soon, since I'm in my seventh decade.
I send all of the best, most powerful and positive vibes out to anyone who is suffering.
Please, never give up hope.
I have that same "under ground river of pain". Thanks for putting this into words.
Exactly!!! It starts with "I don't have the reason to feel this way" to asking yourself "am I making myself feel this way?" But still being unable to believe that why would anyone intentionally make themselve feel so miserable. Then it turns to "you are so weak, you just can't get over this small thing" from trying to find a reason to wondering if I am causing this, to self pitty, to self sabotage...it just goes too fast😅
Yes, well put! Dr. Scott, when we say to ourselves invalidations, or worse 3rd party put-downs…shhhh you have no reason to feel this way, the feeling I loathe has be coveting a reason to have it and snowballs. Thanks for your presentation and thx to all for sharing❤
Yes, i can fully relate to your comment. You’re not on your own with these thoughts ❤
How timely. I was actually saying to myself this morning how hard life is. Like you said, I have always talked to myself about how messed up the world is. And also, I have invalidated my feelings because I know of others who have had it so much worse. This is very helpful because I will now try to validate my feelings more rather than telling myself I shouldn't feel this way. Thank you so much, Dr. Scott.
I’ve been thinking these thoughts my whole life too. It intensifies so badly when you’re isolated, I remember when friendships helped to push it away.
Lands for me TOTALLY. Thank you for not gaslighting us.
This video is genius. Dr Scott is a genius. I feel so guilty for feeling depressed most days. I have a wonderful spouse, I don’t have financial problems, I have good health, etc. My childhood was full of physical abuse and I went through a really bad 1st marriage that lasted over 20 years :( I was in 2 different car accidents (6 years apart) that left me with major PTSD. One was a guy ran a red light and the other one I got rear ended by a guy going 50mph. Every time I’m in a car I’m terrified. I had therapy but it didn’t work. I feel I should be over all this by now so I get mad at myself for feeling bad. I feel better knowing I have permission to validate myself. Thank you Dr Scott!!! I will try and stop beating myself up
Thank you so much for validating everyone’s feeling that life is depressing and hard. Thank you for the good work! Key takeaway: When you feel too much of the weight of the world and everyone’s pain on your shoulders - you are completely fine for being in pain, for feeling traumatised by the world. Validate these feelings, acknowledge them in your journal and little by little they will make sense and will bother you a little less.
I’m so thankful I found this channel. It reinforces & resonates so many things for me. I am now 52 years . Lived with cyclical depression and anxiety all my life. Depression isn’t seeing someone crying every day. It’s an actual illness.
It can cripple you when you actually cannot function at all. I’ve lost jobs, relationships, friendships and then when you do have a good day catching up on chores, bills etc it completely drains your energy trying to keep up with the simplest of tasks.
Gone are the days when I call my GP for help, only to be offered more mind altering medication and be left on a waiting list for over 3 years to see someone; who likes to seem to understands mental wellness, when that person has only just graduated from university and has little or zero experience in mental health other than what the text book dictates to them.
Unless you’ve had, still have or going through mental health issues no one should be in the position to preach or practice.
the worst feeling is that you have no one to express what you are going through and even your parents shut you up.. they dont want you to feel the way you are ACTUALLY feeling BECAUSE they dont want to feel the way they feel when you try to open up about your feelings to them! ✌🏽
This all makes sense. The worst two parts are 1) when no one around you can understand your feelings, and/or 2) they don't care. For the few things I'm working on, I'm left to connect all the dots on my own from various resources, mostly online material. It's inefficient and slow, but I'm identifying the things that must change. If I could find a good therapist that wasn't booked out six months it would be nice. The last one I talked with I got in, in a pretty short timeframe, but he couldn't pay attention and as a result he was of no use. It is frustrating.
i do believe, like you also mentioned here, that those peeps who are all centered and expressive with joy and ambition, in THIS CRAZY-A*S world, truly must, most likely are, outta touch.. I know we are meant to be bright lights against the darkness, but damn, that legit starts weighing on a person.. so much upset going on for so many people, often finds me sad myself.. it is tough, if you are compassionate to feel joyful in life, knowing such atrocities are befalling others.. even with great faith and hope, these days are very challenging..
Yes I agree with you! It’s like toxic positivity! Nothing wrong with remaining positive but I attend support group for mental illness and I’m often weighed down by how many of them including myself are hurting. When I see homeless people I cry for them bc it’s like why can’t someone just help them. I just hurt for humanity as a whole bc it’s just one of us suffering it’s many of us and it’s hard and it freaking hurts! As u said even with faith it’s a challenge to remain hopeful! 💯🥺❤️
I'm downloading this video right now so I can listen to your voice anytime/anyplace. Invalidation - uhh, yeah. When I did whatever I did as a kid, my mom would say "you know what I OUGHT to do to you, don't you??" Inches from my face with rage in her eyes. Like yeah, I know verbal, physical, emotional abuse and the endless humiliation really truly aren't enough. I know you're showing saintly restraint by not killing me - I do, and I'm mighty grateful, oh Most Merciful Mutti. Yet every day I tell myself to stop whining. We weren't sexually abused; we never for one minute went hungry; the whole family loved on the dogs - at least there was always one or two "people" in the house who truly loved me. And on and on it goes. So I think WHY won't these thoughts go away?? Everything is fine in the here and now. Mom left the planet many moons ago and I owe the comforts of my physical existence to her and dad. And then I see the title of this video, get a cup of coffee, listen and let it all sink in. Im blown away! I am 71 now and everything you say here is fresh and BEYOND helpful to me - like you are so young and still you understand precisely what it's like to feel this way. I also love other people's comments. So much insight and support. Thank you. 🙏🏻💚🪷
Wow! What a transparent, genuine, no bullshit, amazing person you are! Yes to everything you said. I agree. This life..This planet.....omg. So challenging. So difficult. Many times I just want to wrap myself in a cuddly blank and hide in the hole of a tree.
I think this is extremely validating to my point of view that the world is unbelievably hard to stomach. No f ing matter I’m afraid a lot of the time. Although it does matter that I’m afraid a lot of the time. It does matter that I’m depressed so much of the time. How can one not be depressed & afraid & anxious today? Maybe I can get some perspective, now that I’m remembering what I already knew. Thanks for the validation today!
This video was so validating, honestly. I have a great life and I am grateful for it. But I have a lot many days where I feel like I carry the sorrow of the entire humanity inside of me. Thank you so much for putting what I feel into words.
Beyond the womb, no environment is ever perfectly attuned to our needs. That is the condition of life - moving through a series of more-or-less badly attuned environments. It’s survivable. Sometimes there are wonderful moments, places, people. But they’re very often accidents, impermanent.
Yes, I've had to explain to my loved ones many times that sadness is the normal response to the world, and they're the mentally ill ones, not me!
For me the worst is the fact that people make the life a lot worse than it could have been. This unnecessary pain and trouble is awful and it is there 24/7 just because. Idk what but there is something sick in humans. Wars, violence - it’s just in our nature.
This is the reason I’ve always scoffed at people who think “everything happens for a reason.” It’s their coping mechanism for the randomness and chaos of life, but I can’t snow myself that way.
Our brains are So similar! I realised it at 6 also. I’ve felt like chicken little since then. I Really wish we were friends so that we can talk about ‘all of it’. The more I listen, the more I’m hearing myself. And yes, the pain - especially when going into the world - is just So Much. Thank you for talking about this.
Scott, "ignorance is bliss". Unfortunately or fortunately you are not ignorant because you don't want to be. A curious mind is a rigorous mind. Your sharing your gift. Thank you.
These last 3+ years (since March 2020) has been a HUGE upheaval for me and husband. Learned a lot about myself, politics, other people, so-called friends leaving us and gaining new ones, regulating fear and hate forced upon us by our govt (hi from Canada), and trying to come to some emotional balance and some acceptance during all of it. 12 people (family and friends and acquaintances) died in their sleep or "sudden death", and we have learned to accept everyone is on their own journey, including our only (adult-) child who suddenly turned on her medical decisions that terrify us, and we have to accept she too is on her own journey. Accepting that your only child might die is a hard one to accept. We try not to think about it, but it's on the back burner of our hearts. We have learned how to keep going, with friends, exercise... because... we have to. You described this perfectly, Dr. Scott. People reading, thank you for being kind.
I am so glad you addressed that sometimes people fabricate certain things that "happened to them". Not to lie or manipulate, but bcs they feel that is the only way they will be heard. I see this fabrication so much today, and there were many times when I'm very sure I caught my friends fabricating some traumatic stuff happening. Never called them out cause you can't know for certain, but also bcs their feeling would still be the same, with or without that happening, but for "not good enough reasons". It does piss me off sometimes, but it's comforting to know that I'm not crazy in noticing this.
Society is turning virtually everyone into some kind of victim. I find this neauveau diagnoses of C-PTSD a bad trend. I won't undermine having a difficult and traumatic childhood. I had one, but I don't have PTSD from it, and I got tired of various message boards telling me to look into it. Depression and anxiety is enough to deal w/, but not that. Also, people are traumatized victims for all the other stuff. If you're gay, a woman, black, native, trans, a this that or other, you could be a special victim olympics category. It's getting endless.
This video got me out of bed - finally - at noon. Thank you.
This is exactly what I think regularly! Glad to hear someone speak on it this way. Sometimes even the dark thoughts of humanity need to be discussed so we as a collective don’t feel alone in these thoughts. Not everything is positive. That’s life! And battling with mental health makes these thoughts for me personally even more overwhelming! I get you! 💯❤️
The Buddha recognized that life is suffering & contemplation is the way through suffering. This was revolutionary b/c no one else had addressed this universal truth of human experience. Obviously nothing about our human reality has changed in 2000 years.
Invalidating myself just makes a cruel world more cruel. Listening to this, I was able to let myself off the hook for a few seconds at a time. Bam - so much pressure taken off - instantly. I'm listening, teacher. Thank you so much for your wise and compassionate words.
I fully relate!!! Unable to control things out of my control and not fully trusting in my Creator who is in control....
Even though I know on an intellectual level that I've suffered childhood abuse and trauma in adulthood, I can't connect it to my lifetime of depression and anxiety, mentally or emotionally, as the cause of it. My pain JUST IS. I wish I could understand why.
My problem is less about validation and more about Life itself.
Since existence is so messed up, I fail to see any worth in living.
This spoke volumes to me. I did have trauma in childhood, much less than some, more than others. But I remember this awareness of pain in all different forms, the awareness of others, tons of observation, trying to figure things out, etc. I am a realist and see so much, sometimes instantly, sometimes after turning things over, but I also see and have hope. But I am adamant about not putting my head in the sand.
As someone currently grieving my own beloved adopted mom, as her passing anniversary nears. 😪😔😢 This touched me deeply, thank you for your vulnerability & openness to share this. With her passing my whole world seems to have gone dark, I’ve seen the most ugliness come out of both biological and adopted family members.💔 No one could ever love or care for me like my beloved adopted mom did.😪😔😪Grief hurts, the loss of not just my beloved adopted mom but, also biological dad has been extremely devastating & the most painful losses on top of others. 💔😥💔 I feel so orphaned and alone in this oftentimes cruel world, I can’t believe still that it’ll almost be two years since you passed mom. I don’t even think or feel I’ll make it through.😪😰😪The absence & hole is so deep, you’ll always be the mom I never had.😰💔😥 #BrokenHearted
I’m sorry for pain; I also lost both of my parents far to young. My dad died 3 years ago in December. Grief really is cyclical, every year experiencing the loss comes back around.
Before the internet came along I lived a life of very little stress my only concerns were keeping my children safe from any danger. So when the internet came along and over the years I unfortunately was exposed to all the things I never new about be it good or bad , I only realised at the age of 67 why I can never get back the peace of mind I use to have growing up in a fairly safe environment when life was basically the same for everyone.
Being exposed to the horror of what some humans do to others has had a bad effect on my once troubled free mind , being the curious person I am I need to understand everything whether it's good or bad and life can never be the same because everything about life has changed so dramatically you can't ignore the reality and it's a ongoing struggle . I'm always looking for buffers to help myself cope, and be the personI want to be regardless of what hurdles I have to over .
I just have to tell you that I've saved many videos from you, and you're actually better than any in- person therapists I've had. Since you've been through it, you know it better!
I'm so happy to know you're doing better. For me, it's been 45 years of meds and trying to get well. I'm very grateful for your channel here, and you have no idea how much I can relate, and how much you've supported me in recent tough times! Thank you forever...
A 65 year old Minnesotan.
When things get super tough for me, mental health wise, I become much more aware of what I term "the Darkness" -- basically just the potential at any moment that things flip from dream to nightmare. We are so fragile, so vulnerable, just like our connections to each other.
Whoa I invalidate myself constantly yet am almost not aware of it 😮
My best friend's inner pain comes from the damage that we humans do to the planet and all the other species that share the planet with us.
Premises. Thanks for the talk. It makes sense to catastrophize if those things are really out of control and acutely painful. This is why I think some things counseling can’t help. Take time to nurse your wounds in silence knowing that you have legitimate pain. This too shall pass.
I've learned this lesson recently and I've been meditating with the mantra of saying "ok" to all my thoughts, feelings, and fears, and its been so healing
Say it. Just say it. It's true. One crumb of comfort has long been death. Not suicide. But that this miserable game called life, at least in my experience, will end. Its a comfort not a threat. And yes I know some people call life a gift. Good for them. I have a high IQ. I know a lot of things. I have had a life many desire. But this really sucks. I'm so weary of always being in emotional pain. CPTSD, I've read the books, seen the therapists. I know the "reasons." Yet still here it is. Dr. Scott, you are just saying the truth.
Ending is the real gift. An eternity of life in this world would be punishment beyond understanding.
"..the amount of pain I feel about the basic truths of existence.." To finally hear that, that we all face a grim reality regardless of our circumstances has really helped. Thank you.
Compassion and decency are born profoundly from embracing those basic truths of existence, but to be honest, given the choice, I would have preferred to remain ignorant.
That right there sums it all up for me, ne details needed.
I think many people who lived in a balanced family and had a balanced experience in social contexts are extremely sensitized towards the cruelty that this world brings. So they absorb so much of that it becomes harder for them to get through the days as they dont comprehend how life or people or the world can be so cruel. They never were over protected, its just that they dont understand the concept of nastiness of the world.
Existence is traumatic - my life in one statement. Geat times and rotten times but over all I've been blessed but still theres that black river. Thank you so much, friend. This entry has been fabulous.
🥰 "Broken system, fallen world"... hmmm, where have I read this before? 🙏
My experience was horrible but, no one actually believed me, primarily because, my mother is a Narcissist and people chose to believe that I was lying about my abuses by her and Believed that I was always the problem. I still can't believe that grown adults would believe that a 10 yr old was responsible for my mother's misery. Letting her off the hook for being responsible for her own life.
I can so relate to this. My biological parents, as I call them, were and one of them at 93, is still a narcissist. The most ridiculous lies were told about me. I was accused of being a thief. I was the bad one- when in reality it was them all the time.
I really appreciate this video, I grew up in a wealthy family and have had an above average life and yet I feel so much existential pain, I even feel guilty for not feeling better. I don't really know what all the pain is connected to, but I think that having the courage to feel it without looking for a solution is so important
Dr. Scott, you helped me so much today. Thank you. My perspective is that I do have hard things in my life that hurt, and I don't need to feel guilty or be obsessed with fixing myself because I do hurt. I loved what you said about self-validation because of something I'm going through where I have been struggling in an effort to get the validation I needed. You have given me the permission to say that how I feel makes sense, even if others don't get it. Self-invalidation doesn't work because as you said, the feelings remain. Not only that, you now have the pressure of guilt for being wrong and rumination to try to find some reasonable justification for why you feel the way you do.
You were wondering why you feel this way about life. Well, I think some of us are extra bright and perceptive and this leads to our increased depth and consequently pain. We feel deeply for what is, and what should be.
Thank you for shining light into my experience. Bad things do happen, seemingly out of nowhere, and it's OK that we hurt for that.
Today is the 1 yr anniversary of the death of my councillor.
(Found out about 3 months ago that he passed. So it doesn’t feel like a year it feels as though it just happened)
I miss him and his help terribly
Thank you for reminding me of things he has taught me over the years.
Dr. Scott, I wish you were my psychologist. I’ve been suffering/struggling with agoraphobia for 10 years and anxiety my entire life 😢
Sorry you've suffered so long. I'm in the same predicament, so you're not alone. I hope you find plenty of glimmers within your environment to keep your spirit up. Dr. Scott seems like a great therapist, and thank goodness he takes the time to make these videos. There are other great therapists out there, but it often takes a lot of bad matches to find one. Best of luck!
@@catherinezeigst thank you 🙏🏻
Decades ago I read a book, “ Hope and Help For Your Nerves” by the Australian Psychiatrist, Dr. Claire Weeks.
Her method requires no bravery…just some commitment, concentration and time …and you’re worth this investment.
For me it was 100% effective as a pathway out. I used it daily like a handbook. It helped me keep my life intact while it guided me through the darkness and fear. ❤
@@s.m.2535 thank you 🙏🏻
I relate to this-thank you so much. By the way, your book is brilliant and it changed my life. It made life make sense in a way that no one else has been able to articulate and was incredibly validating❤️
I’m glad I saw your comment, I was on the fence about buying his book but I will now 👍🏻
@@AmyInArizona It's worth every penny😊
Thank you so much for saying that ❤️
The acknowledgement that “Life is suffering” is the core basis of Buddhism. I’m not into “religion” but I think people have been aware of this general fact of our existence for thousands of years and have been looking for ways to deal with it for just as long.
Something I desperately needed to hear back in junior high. This also implies that suffering isn't necessarily about "living in the past" like some people say, but it's really just life itself, present and past alike. We might not have the same problems as before, but we might have new ones.
I totally agree the world is messed up and there's a lot of reasons to feel depressed. My emotion is validated, and how do I convince myself to continue to exist and function? Apart from thinking of people/pets who love me or religious reasons. This is the question I could not answer my kid
Suffering is never relative.
My mother would say that you don't know how fortunate you are - you're eating, you're not living on the street. I've learnt to bottle up my feelings whether its good ones or pain
This video made me so uncomfortable and i don't know why. I agree with everything you say and understand the feelings you speak of but i barely could listen till the end. My head started to get scrambled and I started to get super anxious. Weird
Sometimes being validated brings up a lot of painful emotions, especially if you aren’t used to it ❤️
i really apreciate you being honest and real
i hope your channel get more succes cuz you deserve it
I feel like there is a psychological difference between ppl who become aware of existential doom at an early age vs ppl who don't or never do.
Can the trauma that causes ptsd be internally generated I wonder?
I've often wondered that, too. Fantastic question!
Why I "constantly have this underground river of pain running through my mind". That is an excellent description of it. This video is great. Your comments about validation\ invalidation from ourselves or others are so important.
Thank you for this. I seldom get legit validation for my feelings outside therapist's office. As much as i love my family, and i assume they love me, i cannot trust them with any emotions that aren't happy because of invalidation of my feelings. Even my husband invalidates my emotions. I know we are in a good place in our life, but i still feel heaviness in my heart. I have no one i can share my feelings with and i don't trust anyone, not even myself most times, with my heavy emotions. It's hard to say to myself "don't give up" because i so much want to just quit trying. I keep my feelings locked inside so my loved ones won't be burdened. And they wonder why i don't talk much.
So... yeah. thanks for making this video because you said out loud what i needed to hear.
i am absolutely beside myself by how grievous, how traumatic and treacherous this world is… as well as my own tiny, stupid life was/is… i am absolutely shattered..
i needed to hear this so bad. the part about fabricating trauma to justify yourself and your emotions, reactions, etc unlocked memories i had totally buried.
Scott, your great talent is articulating these things, putting it into understandable words. Add to that, the compassion born of life experience, makes you such a valuable resource.
Dr Scott, thank you for your genuine, authentic self. I am pretty sure everything you said in this video is spot on. It resonated with me. Even the part about thinking about death from a young age. My parents would "reassure" me with, "We're not going to die".
Normal, every day is tough emotions. To have some sense of, joy, happiness, peace, calm, takes building skills every day for a lifetime and knowing you will also always be feeling the sadness and the fear. It a dialectic. One must accept and lean into the suffering and be ok with all it is to be human.
Yes, I’ve thought a lot of the same things. Thanks for talking about these thoughts and feelings.
I was just writing before about Iife and how scary it is living when so many things go wrong all around the world. I hear what you are saying. I feel this... But near the start of the video, you say about comparing your life to others. Well, everyone has gone through stuff that has affected differently, but you can't say that someone else life is worse than yours that isn't fair on you. Everyone deals with things differently. I love your channel. I only found it yesterday and am already answering some of the questions you ask us veiwers to ask about our lives.
Thanks! I resonated with your thoughts. About 40 yrs ago I was explaining to a councilor why I think I had depression. When I was done he told me that I had had a hard life and I had a reason to feel bad. I felt like a weight had been lifted. He got me. Most everyone says you shouldn't have a victim attitude. Think of yourself as a survivor. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I wasn't looking for sympathy. I got validation from him and it helped me immensely.
I’m glad you found a good one
Thank you for being a voice of validation. It is painful to be invalidated, either by ourselves or by others. I keep saying “there has got to be more to life/living than THIS! Because if this is all there is, how does one continue on!” I’m told to stop being so negative and just enjoy being alive. Obviously by people that have no clue what depression is like. They say, “just snap out of it!” 😩
thank you! I've been struggling with this a lot lately, not understanding how to just go about life without thinking everything could fall apart at any minute.
Your videos are so validating and comforting.
Life is traumatic for every human being but the trait of high sensibility makes everything so much amplified in good and bad. It's not going to be a easy life. Despite of all of that, high sensibility is a great gift. Validation for ourselves ❤️ you are a beautiful soul
Thank you for these words! I needed to hear them today.
“We are at the mercy of other people.” That’s my life in a nutshell, sadly. Being an empath and HSP I feel way too much and most people think I’m weird.
I can’t count how many of these videos I’ve forwarded to my teen trying to navigate her anxiety and depression. Nuggets of truth and validation all the way! Being a child of an alcoholic, I’ve had to find ways to heal my depression while teaching her how. Thanks for validating me that it really takes a village.
My heartfelt thanks to you!.
Perfect timing.
Dr. Scott is so real, it’s refreshing!!
Thank you. I had a fairly ideal childhood. But anxiety runs on one side of the family, and ADHD runs on the other side of the family. Somehow I got the worst of both. I think I was 3 when I realized my parents weren't immortal. I don't have a clear memory of it, but there's family stories that suggest I was aware. I've read books that try to convince the reader that they must have some repressed memories to have the anxieties I have, and frankly it annoys me and it doesn't ring true. As you said, it feels less validating.
I feel like several things have helped me lately. Last year I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. I've had mild symptoms since I was 11. It got worse 7 years ago. I'm 33. After trying a couple dozen different medications, I'm finally on one that helps the chronic illness. Coincidentally, it's also prescribed to people with ADHD. I feel like I'm at a point I can finally process a lot of the pain I've felt over the years.
The world IS really messed up, and that's depressing. What makes it worse is the people who are blissfully ignorant to this.