I Was Almost A School Shooter | Aaron Stark | TEDxBoulder
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- čas přidán 25. 06. 2018
- After growing up in painful, abusive conditions, Aaron Stark was on his way to an atrocity, until simple acts of kindness changed his life forever. What is causing the rise of violence and are our current fears and solutions just making it worse? My name is Aaron stark. I am 39 years old with 4 children, 2 cats, one dog, and a beautiful wife. I am a stay at home dad; my wife is the breadwinner of the family. I am a comic book fan, a pop culture junkie, and a lover of the sciences. I have more knowledge about superheros, pro wrestling, and comedy than anyone really has a right to. After growing up in very abusive and violent circumstances followed by over a decade if personal recovery, I am now a happy family man. I recently shred a very personal story of my triumph over my past, and it has changed my life forever. My mission is to let people know that no matter how dark it may seem, there is light coming. We really are not alone. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Are we ignoring the fact that the social workers thought he was doing it for attention, they deserve to be fired
Stew-A-Rew more like thrown in prison
Stew-A-Rew exactly. They nearly caused a school shooting
The government doing what they do best, nothing.
*In jail
Social workers are generally not so intelligent, that's why they become social workers.
“Bad parenting and lack of governmental help”
Government: *Video games*
yup
Zellto facts
„America”
ɴɪᴄᴇ ɢᴜʏ ɴɪᴄᴇ ɢᴜʏ
Democrats: Trump, and guns
Hello everybody! I am tge guy in the video.
It's been about 5 years since I did this talk, and it has totally changed my life.
Today, I travel the country speaking to schools, counselors, parents, law enforcement, and anyone else who will listen about how we need to give love to the ones we feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most. That we need to help the kid in the dark see that he is wrong when he thinks he can't be helped. That the best way to teach people in pain is to see then AS PEOPLE.
I'm a regular guy, I still have my day job working full time as assistant manager of a gas station here in Denver. I just keep speaking because I feel like I should.
And yes I read the comments because why not? Lol
Thank you for listening.
You are not alone
ok
real.
Cheers brotha. Have a good one
Thank you
Thank you for speaking out about these things. I am so glad you are happier now
Hello everybody! I'm Aaron Stark, the guy in the video. I just wanted to say thank you for listening, and for giving such amazing comments. This TED talk has changed my life. Today I get to help people in ways I never imagined, and for someone who spent my life feeling worthless and invisible it really means so much to be able to be help maybe show someone else that there is a way put of the dark.
Today, I work full time as an assistant manager at a gas station in Denver, and also travel across the country speaking to schools and law enforcement and educators in the hope that I can maybe help them see that kid on the edge in a different light, and give some love to people they don't usually feel deserve it because they need it the most.
Thank you all.
You are not alone.
Really?
Oh you are him, this was a great speech
I still come back to this Ted Talk because your story was so powerful! Thank you for sharing this with us. May the universe bring you nothing but peace and prosperity for the rest of your life.
You're a legend mate
Thank you for sharing! Your story has really inspired me and I hope you get to live the rest of your life out in peace
Video starts:
Audience applauds:
Aaron: “I was almost a school shooter.”
Audience *dead* silent.
That's cause the speech started lol
Also cuz it was deep and maybe this commenters thoughts or beliefs influenced the scenario
Lmao what did you want them to do? Keep applauding?😂😂
No I get it I’m just saying it’s a weird hook to start off.
@@doncamotes5540 dude I am literally dying rn after seeing ur comment lolll
That woman is a pathetic excuse for a mother. How dare she say that to him.
I felt so bad for him. Then when he said he's a happy father of 4 and great wife I was so happy.
Well you should try giving her some love and maybe she will change as well
@@bjrnfrederiksen6319 See, the internet is aggressive.
@Himanshu Gupta He didn't kill people because people had empathy towards him. That will change anybody.
@@bjrnfrederiksen6319 you should not hate someone enough that you want them killed
When he said his friend was in the audience too I just couldn't hold my tears, I just cried.
I wish everyone had friends like him.
Same, I lost it at that part.
We all need friends like him
I just had something in my eye, that's all... an eyelash or something. You guys all cried like babies tho lol
@465marko underrated comment haha you're a real one for this
That’s true. But I think of it as “who can I be that friend to?”
We had a classmate that was a small scrawny guy, really quiet kid, and always just sat in the back and drew something (he was really good). He was teased a lot, I probably had a few jokes at his expense too, but after a year together in school I noticed the teasing was turning into bullying, he had no friends and I remember thinking that he might flip out someday because this is not a sustainable way to live, he's stuck at having to go to school, yet his experience there was miserable. I saw that because I've been in that position before. Talked to a few of my friends to stop picking on him and we decided to stop this completely. Anytime someone would come to bully him, we'd talk to him, if they didn't stop, we'd threaten them with a beating if they continue to bully our small friend. He started hanging out with us all the time. He still almost never talked, but I think he felt safe around us. For the next 4 years he was not bullied anymore. After graduation he went to an art university or something. I wonder where he is today. Hope he's doing alright.
The bottom line is - be kind and protect the bullied kids from the bullies.
Thank you for your kindness
You are a guardian angel. You and your friends. How human of you guys, ironically. 🤘🏾
❤️
Thank you for showing kindness :(💗
Stark saying to "show your friendship to someone who deserves it the least" is something I kind of disagree on. Bullies usually originate from terrible environments as well, but instead of keeping to themselves, they take it out on others. Essentially, they ARE "the school shooter" someone who doesn't care who gets hurt as long as their emotional tantrum is fullfilled. What I would have said is "show your friendship to someone who needs it the most." Bullies don't need friendship until they stop bullying. A shooter won't need friendship until he lets go of his ways (but he'll have a death sentence so really that's a bad example here).
"The friend that saved my life is also in the audience"
Respect to that friend
EliTe EdGy when he said that I broke :(
Mel Requeny respect that indesd
Thank you friend. God bless you always. Because you stepped in you help to save a lot.of lives and give this man a life of his own.
big ups to that guy
Nobody cares about your opinion fortnite pfp
Let's take a moment to consider that his friend:
- saved Aaron's life
- saved the lives of possibly a dozen or more innocent people
- saved possibly a hundred friends and family members from a terrible thing
- (in)directly lead Aaron to live a happy life with the woman he loves and his kids
But ur an FBI agent
JimmyBeast what has that got to do with anything
@K L Absolutely true! It might sound as a cliché to many, but kindness, empathy, compassion are way more powerful that people acknowledge. We need more of that. We all need to be some Aaron's friend.
JimmyBeast bro wtf does that her do with anything
If you listen to his discussion on CNN. Pie also saved him from committing suicide. Not kidding
"I'll buy you the razors next time if you do a better job" is the most horrible thing I've heard this month. It is devastating what Aaron Stark went through. I am proud of Aaron for standing up and giving one of the best TED talks, and I wish him the best!
When I was 15, my mother handed me a sharp steak knife and screamed, "Here! Kill yourself! Do it! When I come home, I want to find you dead on the floor in a pool of your own blood!" She also threw me out of a moving car on the highway....dropped me off at a movie theatre three suburbs away when I was 10 years old and told me she wasn't coming back for me (and she didn't)...tried to drown me in a swimming pool when I was about 8....refused to take me to the hospital numerous times, such that I had broken bones that were left to heal on their own with no medical intervention...I could keep going. Things got a hundred times worse than all of this when I was a teenager; by the time I was 16 she was regularly kicking me out of the house for days at a time, and threatening to lock me in a mental institution, which she eventually did, despite the fact that there was no reason at all for me to be there. I was an honors student, an overachiever, I'd never smoked or drank or done a single drug except aspirin...my only failing was that I wasn't anything like the child she'd wanted to have, and she hated me for it. The sentence she screamed at me every day of my life is one I still hear in my head constantly, like a mantra: "You make it so hard for us to love you!!! WHY CAN'T YOU BE EASIER TO LOVE???"
It should have been obvious to my teachers, friends, peers, everyone around me that I was growing up in a severely emotionally, mentally and physically abusive home. But if they did have an inkling, they did nothing about it. I longed for someone to save me, and no one did...I had no savior, safe place, advocate, nothing. To this day, I think about the person I might have become if someone had reached out to me with love, safety, kindness and protection.
@@IlaughedIcried Damn very touching story I hope your doing good these days 💗
@@IlaughedIcriedSo you of all people should see why people like him almost resorted to lashing out in one of the most horrible ways. What he went through was not normal and as you say "you've been through worse". So even if you happen to have more resilience than he did you should also have more understanding because of your experience also yeah?
@@PhoenixAttact First of all, I DON'T have more resilience than Aaron does -- not at all! I think he has more resilience than I do. I've ended up chronically ill, disabled, totally alone and passively suicidal 24/7. Second, YES, I have a deep understanding of what he went through -- that's why I wrote this comment. I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that I'm criticizing him or chastising him or something. My intention was exactly the OPPOSITE -- to show empathy and to reinforce the message in this video -- that childhood abuse, violence, neglect and lack of love and acceptance are devastating conditions that can destroy someone's self-esteem, self-worth and belief that they have any kind of future, and that we need to be aware of how vulnerable children are to trauma, not gloss over or ignore their valid pain. Whatever negativity you think you're hearing in my comment, it's an incorrect interpretation.
@@IlaughedIcriedthat’s terrible. I’m so sorry. But now that suffering doesn’t have to be gone through again.
This guy was failed by everyone and has still come out the other side. Such an inspiration. He deserved so much better. Hope he's living a happy life now.
And he’s already living a wonderful life. 🥹☺️
MUCH better
I struggle to relate to any positive sentences, comments. They sound cliché and empty, but this comment almost made me tear up.
I almost didn't write this comment because I'm scared of being open, I feel vulnerable. Posting this comment helped me take a step forward.
@@jiren7976being open puts you at a lot of risk. But it can mean so much to people who really understand and love you.
@jiren7976 hi! Im the guy in the video.
I just want to say, it's really awesome that you faced your fears like that. I know I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. I hope.youre proud of you too.
His friend didn't save only his life, he probably saved dozens of lives.
The world needs more friendlies like him
Something that motivates me to be nicer to people too.
There is one treasure that should be kept and cherished and that is friendship.
Your right, kind word, a warm smile, and a reassuring thought can potentially save hundreds of lives in this situation
Vinícius Egidio Maybe they shouldn’t insult and abuse him to the brim of insanity
*"When someone treats you like a person when you dont even feel human, it can change your entire world"*
I almost cried
It’s almost as if we watched the same video
@@jimjunglecock2866 lmao
Macaku same
I stopped in the middle of the video and let it run as I was going through the comments section. Literally as I started to read this, he started saying it.
This needs to be shown at schools
they obviously wont because they want it to happen so they can start the crocodile tears and get that sweet cash
@@nutsack6656 wtf? how do school shootings make money?
they showed it at my school once
But it was a very different era tho , 1990 is wild . Bullying is real deal , i really believe bullying has gone down alot today compared to 1990 but school shootings goes up alot idk why . And most of the shooters we have todat never bullied at school either
💯
I can't stress enough how important this quote is, "We have to give love to the people we deserve it the least"
💯💯💯💯💯💯 Even to the mean ones! Because they're usually the ones struggling the most.
he is right you know ...“A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
Powerful quote.
@Kyle Sky yes .... i know what you mean and you are also right
thing is ... not every man is as strong as you and me ... some break under the presure
It takes 2 to make a child. I takes a Village to raise them. My guy didn't have a Village to help him. But he had a friend. A lot of times that's what we really need. Faack I'm still cryin
It's an African proverb - they always get it spot on
Naruto could have burned down his village if not for yurika sense other friends
1. illegally bought gun
2. Not video games
3. Completely the parents fault.
@rxp56 that's completely false
rxp56 not true at all actually
@rxp56 okay dude
rxp56 Tell that to Mexican, Italian, Haitian, etc. gangs and cartels who illegally obtain massive orders of weapons from different countries. Guns are more “rare” in countries where they’re illegal because only people doing ILLEGAL things have them. There are bad apples everywhere, and I’m not saying 🇺🇸 doesn’t have a problem with shootings because we do, but anti gun people think illogically and we as a nation shouldn’t point the finger to guns.
And yeah video games are turning kids to killers apparently.. Welp this next generation should be really good at building, because they sure play a lot of fortnite. As a matter of fact, with that logic I’m going to MAKE my nephew play fortnite. Fortnite is obviously setting my nephew up for a great career path in architecture, while video games like call of duty are turning 100 million+ kids into mass shooters! Our children are dangerous!
Probably not the same thing, but at my old secondary school (I live in England), there was this 13 year-old who was picked on horribly. Being the coward that I was, I stayed out of it, afraid of getting into drama or worse, sharing her bullying.
She had no friends, her parents were on the rocks as it was, she was poor, getting beaten up almost daily and her mental issues were in a downward spiral. One day, I saw her leaning against the school wall next to a bike rack, looking at something in her hands. I finally worked up the courage to go up to her and ask “Hey, are you okay?” I know the answer was probably no, but the guilt had been eating away at me for ages.
She quickly hid the thing behind her back and suddenly looked nervous. “I’m fine.” She replied, quickly.
“You look kinda lonely. Want to come and play tennis with me?” I’d offered, knowing that anyone associated with this kid got beaten up before hometime, but I was suspicious of what she had behind her back.
Her face crumpled. A few tears leaked down her face and she threw her arms around my neck. It was then I felt what she had in her hands, the sharp point of a knife pressing accidentally against my spine. I threw her off a little too quickly than I should have, admittedly, and grabbed her hand. She was holding a steak knife and looked terrified. “Please don’t tell anyone!” She begged me, letting me take the knife off her and looking scared.
I still don’t know if it was the right decision, but I said “I won’t.” And I never have.
I tried to befriend her over the next few days, despite the newfound bullying coming my way. It was terrifying that she was this close to either cutting herself/committing suicide or knifing someone. If I hadn’t gone over to talk to her, I dread to think what would have happened.
I learned my lesson from that. A little kindness can go a VERY long way.
This is so fake lmfao
@@user-dp2jo6eo5q shut up
@@user-dp2jo6eo5q Your username describes you
@@user-dp2jo6eo5q For real lmao
Straight out of wattpad 💀
The fact that his mom suggested he asked him to buy better blades to cut himself made me pick my jaw up off the floor. No one should be told to or go forward with ending their lives, especially from the ones that brought you into this world and should raise you and help you with living in this world.
If his mother was bad so was he for wanting to murder innocent teens via shooting
Parents like these are more common than you think
This man needs to speak at schools.
302 All da way to give more ideals?
@@Miracle_0417 Lmao
They will probably make fun of him and call him all the names in the book. At least that's what my school would do.
This man should be kept far away from schools ...
No, the guy who helped him should. This guy hasn't really done anything to deserve such credit. Just think about it for a second....
Schools: I'm going to pretend like I didn't cause that
Actually the parents did but I see your point
@@cjham5272 Well, the school is suppose to help in these type of scenarios, but most times, it just end up by making the situation worst
Bucheur Des Bois School community is just the mirror of society.
It’s the video games, smh
But they didn’t
“love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most” i love this quote so much
"Love the ones you feel deserves it the least, because they need it the most" this line hit me hard
To his one friend at the time: thank you.
Pretty sure he hasn't changed
Thanks
I wonder where he is now
@@rydermcgovern6619 what
пи-пи Ка-ка in the audience as he said
Audience: **woo**
Him: "I was almost a school shooter"
***immediate silence***
Vishal P
Him: *Explains story*
Audience: :(
@your majesty mrmac215 exactly this labeling makes massmurders. how about aproach ppl. in a neutral but kind way?
Paolo Pappalardo the label makes nothing. Its the people around them and the person themselves
@your majesty mrmac215 Everyone has the potential to commit acts of violence and it's a communal responsibility to make sure that noone gets to a point in their life where that becomes a reality. All people contain all facets. It just depends how you shine your light upon them. So your point is mute.
Him: *pulls out 45.*
“When someone treats you like a person when you don’t even feel like a human, it changes your entire world” wow.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb in his skin and walk around in it.” - Atticus Finch
I remember that quote
U have to be a brave man to stand in front of thousands of people and say I was almost a school shooter.
especially in this current political climate...
Thousands then, millions now.
Or you have to REALLY want that juicy attention ! :)
@@Lakupeep exactly...
Lobster Johnson being angry at the world for the constant abuse neglect and harsh times it put you through is not attention craving.
*Everyone cheering*
“I was almost a school shooter”
*complete silence*
Wow what a way to start off
"I was almost a school shooter, but i decided to be a ted talk shooter" (loades magazine)
@@SilkyLew omg 😂
Ikr
Young Man exactly that’s what I meant by my post
Yeah I noticed that too..
"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most." Really hit me.
"Love the ones you think deserve it the least, because they need it the most." That ones going in the list of sayings that helps me keep myself on the right track.
This is what the media should focus on instead of always blaming school shootings on video games.
Video games are probably like 5% of the reason school shootings happen.
@@oliverjasinski1829 actually, 0% of the reason
Mhm... especially after Bugha won $1,000,000 playing fortnite
Oli J i can assure u that no kid gets the motivation to shoot a school after getting a victory royale on fortnite
@@luaist it’s unfair to say video games have caused school shootings but the percentage is so minuscule that we should heavily shift focus away from them and think of more obvious reasons why a kid might shoot up a school.
Imagine you being his former classmate and hearing this for the first time
I would’ve been like damn you could’ve killed me
Why didn’t you godammit
that would be so sad
@@bvv874 r/thanosdidnothingwrong ideology
Don’t bring religion into this. It feels like those pastors taking advantage of school shootings to try and convert people to Christianity as a way to deal with their grief. Using violence to spread religion is awful as history showed us many times, and this is just another form of combined use of the two to take advantage of people when they’re feeling worst
@@Shain3333 if people kill innocent people thats not God but demonic
This should be mandatory viewing in public schools. Thank you for sharing.
Aaron, you are an undisputed champion of life. To go from a childhood devoid of any real kind of happiness or foundation upon which to build positive meaning to the great man that just gave this talk on that stage....it's almost unbelievable. You are the resilience of the Human Condition, personified.
Audience: *clapping*
Guy: "I was almost a school shooter"
Audience: 🗿
LMFAO
Was isn des fürn pb duude
yo Angelo
LMAO
RoteSchwalbe yup
Spoiler: it wasn’t because he played call of duty
doom
Ethan Groves it’s because he played GTA
nope it was PITFALL
Oregon Trail
minecraft
My brother you are the man!!! Please keep sharing your message because this message saves lives.
I was bullied by a school principal and football coaches, I was threatened and thrown out basically because I didn't play football.
All I wanted to do was learn how to learn.
I want down a dark road until I got clean/sober at 26 yrs old. Ironically I ended up working in a prison where 2 of my class football stars ended up, 1 was shot in the head robbing drug dealers and the other died of an OD.
I'm 62, retired from corrections and now I'm an addiction counselor for young kids.
Thanks for your talk!
It's comforting to know your not the only one who grew up in a violent abusive home being told you're horruble.
You're*
But other than that I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Hope things are better
He had the absolute levelheadedness and courage to call social services and they sent him back to his abusers rather than listen to what he had to say? Shame on them!
Yeah, social services seems to have quite a history of doing this. Ever hear of a child getting murdered by an abusive parent, even though the other parent tried to get help to stop them? It makes me sick. They seem to always fail them.
As a student of this field this is incredibly disheartening to hear. Those people clearly didn't use their best judgment or took policy to leniency. Clearly this is a case of negligence and harm to the child. It just sucks because bare minimum it need to be immediate harm to him...this is why we need to advocate for change in policies.
I know of someone who quit being a social worker because she suggested a removal, they didn't remove. Then a parent killed the child.
His mother may have been a narcissist. Her act may have been very convincing.
That's not even the worst of it, especially in the UK.
“When someone treats you like a person when you don’t even feel like a human it will change your entire world” I felt that 😕
I heard that as soon as I read this.
Felt it too.
Human race felt that.
Yeah sure
I was the 2,000th like
Getting up in front of people and telling your story is heroic. If ONE person doesn't shoot up a school because of you, you said the lives of the would be victims AND all the people who love them and would be ruined forever if they lost them. Bless you.
Just make bullying a damn crime already.
Works pretty well at least in Sweden.
What would he considered bullying
Bullying is normal
Teach kids to fight back
Yeah no, you can't ban bullying, but you CAN unban fighting back.
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth"-
African proverb. "When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deep within himself and his suffering is spilling over"
Asadulloh EL Khoshimiy this is so powerful
One of the most touching comments I've read so far. Every time I got bullied I've always wondered if I deserved it, it's what you feel right away. I was born with Asperger's Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder, and like it was hard enough already, even my own sister and parents would be intolerant to me and hit me a lot... there was a time I couldn't take it anymore, and instead of shooting up my high school, I tried suicide two times... seeing his man's story brought me many painful memories but I also see that the person who created the famous saying: "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" was the wisest person on earth. Today I live with my syndrome having fully accepted it and learned to enjoy my life despite being considered a freak or a weirdo by most people. it's not easy, but resilience is the only thing will make move along and keep on walking.
@@NicolasAirbusA320 Power to you friend! My ex-girlfriend was manic depressive with borderline personality disorder, attempting suicide once while we were together. It's a hole she probably won't really be able to crawl out of, but she's still going and that's all anyone can really ask honestly.
I had a best friend who did this. She hurted me and a lot of people, i hated her. I hated the fact on no matter how hard i tried to help her she would never listen to me. So, i didn't reply to her messages for 2 month, completly abbandoned her from social media. Then i just received an apology telling me how sorry she was and she wanted to apologize to me first then the other people. I told her that im proud of her
Asadulloh EL Khoshimiy Wow
If a child is not initiated into the village, he will burn it down just to feel its warmth
Michael Farrell let’s be friends
You've always been my friend dude :) You always will be, I love you man
Is that a quote or did you come up with that?
It's an old African proverb, I just thought it was relevant here
Great proverb.
This ought to be one of the most emotional presentations I've ever watched...
"We have to give love to the people who we think deserve it least" ❤
Ive watched this ted talk 3 times. All multiple years apart and I have to say this is one of the best ted talks I have ever watched, and it has had such a huge impact on me.
Back for my second time in a few years here. Such powerful knowledge in understanding people. I wish more people would think this way
"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most"
Damn, that's a hard hitting quote!
this quote punches me in the heart, everytime i see it
shout up Patrick go to your rock and drink sewage water
That got me crying
Kohlton Miller I literally read that as he said it lmao
Its truly hard to do
Man, some people should never be parents.
You're talking about his parents?
jackcarterog001 obviously
@@TheGamer14300 Yes, while his parents aren't good parents by any means, if they didn't become parents this amazing man would've never been.
Some people should never have existed.
Ness G then he wouldn’t exist
As a mother, my heart breaks for the small boy inside of him. I want to wrap my arms around him and show him genuine love!
It's makes me sad survivors in school shootings only want to change gun laws but not help someone from becoming a shooter
His last name is Stark. Stark means strong in German, and he’s pretty strong to have come out of such a terrible situation.
WAIT THEN TONY STARK IS TONY STRONG
Jiangci Yang yup that’s the joke
This was so obvious to me (because I am German) that I didn't even think about it.
-No name given- wow k
He's iron man
The most dangerous person is someone who has nothing to lose.
Lose*
Damn right
camden sparks aren’t you a genius
the most dangerous people are not dangerous people. It’s the people trying to prove that they’re dangerous people.
That’s why I fear bums and tweaker a
The worst acts that people carry out (or nearly carry out as shown here) are nearly always because of terrible behaviour towards those people, it should’ve never gotten to that point for this poor guy
“Love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most”
What a message 👍🏼
Just imagine if that alone kid could see the man he would be today
He’ll probably put the needle and gun down and break down in tears
Yeah would have been good for him
He kinda did, when his friend treated him with kindness.
Danm dude that was deep.
He was in the audience , he was mentioned
Hello. I'm the guy in the video.
I just wanted to say, if anyone has any questions, I would be happy to answer them.
You are not alone.
Brave! I wish you well!
I jast want to thank you for sharing your story, I think you helped many people with that.
Merry christmas to you from Germany
I have a question from the perspective of someone working in a school. You mentioned your friend but I'd like to know is there anything you can think of that someone at the school should have done differently to perhaps avoid you feeling so left out and alone? I personally try my best to recognize the ones that need support and hearing something regarding this from someone who's been that deep in would be a great help!
@@MinimiMax the biggest thing is to treat each other as people.
When you are in that dark, it can be hard to remember that you matter, hard to think anyone listens to you.
Treat that person like you would your family. Not like a project that needs to be fixed, but as a person who deserves to be heard. Ask about his day. Find out about her favorite music. Get to know the person under the pain.
Hi
I've watched this ted talk several years ago, but it reappeared on my recommendations after watching another TED talk and this time, it hit HARD.
I thankfully so far have been blessed to not have very traumatic life, but on the other hand, this video has got me wondering just how many people I've known that I could've maybe loved better and hopefully watching this video will, at least to some extent, help me to seek out and love those who may be low on love.
A classmate of mine when I went to school and I didn't get along very well at all, but now he's one of my very best friends. I suspect I became one of his first friends and after becoming friends, I noticed just how much happier he became. Someone out there needs your love and friendship and to those on the other side of the coin, someone out there is willing to give you love and friendship.
To Aaron: I don't know if you'll see this comment among the 38,000+ others, but you have not only saved your own life, but I speculate that you may have saved at least hundreds of lives in addition to possibly being a spark to at least thousands of friendships, perhaps to some who didn't even have anyone. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that but I also want to thank you for talking about it. It was important for me to see this.
Thank you. Well said, and I really appreciate that.
Thank you for listening.
He stated clearly that the problem with people committing atrocities is the fact that their lives are so terrible that they have nothing to lose if they do these things. We have to look out for the men and boys. They are the ones who do these crimes. There needs to be programs for men/boys to uplift them and give them some solace and direction in life.
Wtf? it isn't just males
@@waddellar compared to men, women commit crimes at an immensely insignificant rate. So what if a chick does something here or there, everyday men act out. everyday. Stop making light of the big issue which is men.
@@dirtyshinobii It is mostly
Women:
@@dirtyshinobiiit’s overwhelmingly males what are u talking about
This is why I always told my kids, "You don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be nice to everyone. You never know what they are going through at home."
Love this, this is exactly what I tell my little brother all the time because I was not the nicest kid in school. Important lesson for anyone of any age.
You're an amazing parent. I hope there are more out there who tell their kids that kind of thing
@@goldenapplesaga5446 Thank you so much! I tried to be :) You usually get about 17-19 years with them living in your home, and it goes so fast. It baffles me how bad people can manage to screw up their kids for the rest of their lives in such a short time.
@@ellap4235 That's so true... I will teach my future kids that 🙂
@Ronnie Kray Just because you're nice to them doesn't mean you let hurt you.
Vulnerability doesnt equal respect. You're right on some level but I think there is a bit more to it that you didn't consider. That's all
"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most." That was one of the most powerful quotes I've ever heard.
"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most." This talk shows you the waste of human potential that is the result of bad parenting and a deprived childhood. Listen to this man. He has something very important to say and you'll be a better person for it.
An act of kindness shimmers more than gold😢❤
When his mom literally said "Do a better job at killing yourself." It almost made me cried, i can't bear to imagine if my mother said that.
I could imagine her saying that out of anger if she finds out, which is why I hide everything
@@whyismimotaken9351 Hiding everything is just building up a bad event. Dont hide it, talk with your mother or atleast someone you can trust.
Same...
Parents, mostly the mother, are our most important role models in life.
What do we do if we lose everything, and eventually they give up on us too?
i would straight up punch her in the face
Man up
All it took was 1 kid to ask if he was ok.......
yessir
"The most dangerous creation of any society is a man with nothing to lose."
This is why I do my best to be that one person
If you listen again at the 5min mark he actually was saying that is not what his friend did and it is overbearing when people do that. He gave alternatives that really helped him so it takes more then that and different approaches
@@12day1 Not necessarily. I mean not in general. There are some people who will have their whole world changed like he said by one person asking if they're ok. There are others who need a bit more. Some people find it overbearing and others don't. My point is basically that your both right but I was worried that someone might read your reply and get discouraged to ask someone if they're ok in an attempt to help them. So I wanted to point out that it does work sometimes and it can change people's lives if it's the right person.
Honestly what I find to be the most powerful about his speech was the fact that it was the simple things his friend did that saved him. He "treated it like it was a Tuesday" like Aaron said.
they should make this a mandatory video in all public schools.
When i was in school from 2001 -2012. The only shooting i heard of was just one. Virginia Tech. My teacher told us her son woke up late and missed that incident. She was beside herself. Never happened at any of my schools. And Im more than grateful. I wouldnt have met my boyfriend who changed my life if anything happened to me. Your story should be shared with schools everywhere. I appreciate you 🙏❤️
Imagine if teachers actually did something about bullying
What can they do?
Ikr
Less depression, drop in suicide rates
@@armincal9834 they can make them do tons more work they can stay after school and do stuff and many more thing
@@barbaralynnaltorfer3737 so now what if the bullies bully the kids more because they have more time to.
This is a Ted talk with a difference, no slick salesman bollocks, just straight, gritty info right from the heart
Strange Lights epic gamer
@@momlover6036 seriously stop this isn't a joke
Pungybub cool
@@nate5051 very epic
@@momlover6036 you're sad you liked your own comment bc no one else would
Old African saying; "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth" .
"We have to give love to the people, who we think deserve it the least." ~Aaron Stark
There is nothing more dangerous than someone with NOTHING to lose
Ste Dunn very true
Well, there actually is. People who cause other people to think that they have nothing to loose.
Dagobert Duck that’s not more dangerous
Dabuh12 yes it is because it's basically the reason for a lot of children to shoot up the school.
"The man with everything to lose, is the most dangerous of all."
-There is nothing he won't resort to to keep what he thinks is his.
Finally, proof that shootings aren’t caused by games or anything else the media blames, but by actual stress, awful parenting, and just some well placed misfortune
school shootings are caused by the lack of gun control and laws.
@@promikasen6201 true
he said in the video that he didnt get his gun legally, so a law would do nothing to stop this.
We had proof of that, school shootings didn't start with video games. UT Tower Shooting was the deadliest school shooting in US history from 1966 until 2007 when the Virgina Tech shooting occurred.
@@turner8088 But look at the supply chain of that gun, why was it so easy for him to get at all? The biggest source of illegal guns for the US is ones that were legally purchased then stolen because people leave them in cars and trucks or unsecured in their home.
He literally explained how school shooters can get guns if they really want to. Much respect to this man for overcoming his challenges in life. Dude is a legend for sharing his story to help others
This is so true! The superstar kids get all the attention and praise but the ones who are struggling need support too.
can i ask where you live if superstar kids get all the praise
i love how he doesnt tear up when he is talking about his life and his abuse, its when he talks about his happiness
@@deleted-user-82u3ht92 awwwwwww thank you!
First of all , at from 6:00 to 6:15 He was tearing up about the abuse not happiness , and secondly ..... You so copied n pasted your comment , regardless he's a top cat , great talk
He doesn't feel he deserves it 😕
@@garethhancock8525 didnt copy and paste it but thanks, i guess and sorry i didnt notice it.
@@MaryTenney yeah! its really sad
“Next time do a better job and I’ll buy you the razor blades”
My heart absolutely breaks for this guy. I couldn’t imagine being told that by your own mother, you’re own blood. Definitely brought a tear to my eye.
Ok
Ok
Ok
DE VANOV oh I hope you are okay.
Ok
In Serbia school shooting happened yesterday, and in all this pain for my country I find this so helpful. It raises awareness that those who are hurting are the ones who would hurt. Be kind to people, we are all in this together.
Play this video in all schools. This will prevent suicides and school shootings from happening.
*"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most"*
Damn that's pretty deep
If you think they don't deserve love, odds are other people think that too.
Sadly people are to busy idolizing people who have already so much attention and love. Because they want to be able to say that they are part of the popularity and know what its about. Its selflove. Fishlove. You love the fish? or you love the way you feel when eating fish? People use the word love so many times it loses its value. (same with the word racism)
Jesus said same thing: Love your enemies, anyone loves their "friends"
I wish i could love but idk how to...
Lol t series be like
“A child not embraced by a community will burn it down to feels it’s warmth.” - African Proverb
Nah bruh that’s naruto. Stop capping.
@@mattheweraci5502 I’d assume they got it from kaguya since she is the mother of all ninjas
@@santi_super_stunts2573 bro kaguya is a fictional character 🤷🏻♂️
@@menacetosociety2033 ok then the dude that wrote naruto made the quote. R u happy now
@@santi_super_stunts2573 no, it's an African proverb
'We have to give love to those we think deserve it the least' - really emotional talk, loved it.
The most meaningful Ted talk I have ever heard. So many programs and charities and non profits. How about we expect something from young people by showing them how to wield their power to show kindness and think about how they could reach out to another kid this way. It’s free. And any kid can do it.
"The most dangerous creation of any society is a man with nothing to lose."
Walter white
What an edgelord quote that is
@@LaggardlySort Its extremely edgy but true
Joker
@@LaggardlySort "my pee looks like Hawaiian punch and tastes like blood" -not me
They really put a timer on this man? He shouldn’t have been rushed.
GhostHawk38 nah if you look near where the timer ends and they start applauding, it resets
Azpectral ooh, I see. I feel like he was sort of rushed though 🤔
GhostHawk38
Yeah I’m not completely sure. I don’t know if there was like a line of people going to talk about their experiences or if Aaron was the only person sharing that night
@@azpectral8500 it didnt reset, it started counting up, as in he went past his time. kinda messed up that he didn't even get 10 minutes
Annoying Redditor your username fits your personality.
One of the best TED talks in history, always an incredible story to return to.
"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most."
This One quote brought me back to this video after 5 years! I will Never forget this sentence for as long as I live.
Hello. I am the guy in the video.
My heart is broken by the tragedy in Texas.
I was almost a school shooter, if you have any questions I would love to answer them.
Hold your loved ones close.
You are not alone
That was a really good ted talk, this was one of the first ted talks I've ever watched and truly felt. If I could ask one question, what do you think needs to be done to prevent devastating events such as the tradegy of texas?
@@aakashlearnstocook8408 I don't know what could have prevented this, bit from all I have seen it appears this shooter fell down that dark self hatred road, and was shoved down by the ones who should have been support.
This is by no means an excuse, just an examination of the danger of self loathing. If you hate yourself enough you will do all you xan to make the world agree with you.
We need to find a way to show the ones on the edge of disaster that there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel they are in.
Hope.
Hope is all we can do.
@@aaronstarkauthor Thank you for the reply and insight! It really is a tragedy the things self hatred can do, and how the ones that need love the most don't have access to it. I really hope we can take steps as a society to where mental health and care can become more accessible, lethal guns like assault rifles are heavily background checked, and a hope for less of these horrific shootings. I want to let you know spreading awareness and your vulnerability about such a strong, sensitive topic could really help make a difference towards this primitive issue of school shootings, and I hope one day when I grow up in this next generation my kids won't have to witness the terrors of one.
Do you think the media constantly reporting on shootings like this and essentially making them famous could be a contributing factor? Considering how that Buffalo shooting wasn't that long before this I feel it could've been the catalyst.
@Aaron Stark, I came across your video searching for answers over what happened in Uvalde.
Thank you for your courage and grace. I hope you do speaking tours on this topic. There’s more troubled and hurting children out there, bless you for speaking up. It only takes one to break the cycle.
You are truly a gift, I have the utmost respect and admiration for your humility. Thank God you have such a good friend who helped you to be seen and heard.
A little kindness goes a long ways.
“Give love to someone who deserves it the least because they need it the most”
Love that quote.
The quintessential Christian message, love everybody no matter who they are, especially the people that are difficult to love :)
@Tea spill your boyfriend to who if it was you? Then be glad!
Christian moral at its finest.
Hemble Michael didn't ask
@@wavytaeb Please don't be toxic. No matter who it's coming from, it's still a positive message.
I like that he is a school speaker. To speak against bullying and friendship. The people that should help kids,.. counselors, social workers.. should give the kids time, an hour to just listen. Just to listen and validate. ❣ Just be present.
Truly!❤
The teenage years are so damn poisonous. I had unloving, hypercritical parents and wasn’t liked by classmates either. Sometimes I was a bully myself, taking easy cheap shots. It felt good to be the one dishing it out for once. I remember thinking that I would never shoot anyone but I’d be ok with someone else doing the shooting.
Therapy saved my life. I still have issues but I refuse to be cruel, or at least try not to be.
I feel the same way
Hello everybody! I'm the guy from the video. I just wanted to say thank you. I read the comments (because I'm just a regular guy and who can check out their own ted talk? Lol) and I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
And just imagine, who might listen if YOU speak?
You are not alone.
this deserves more likes
Your video was just recommended to me. You are the bravest man I’ve ever seen! More courageous than anyone I met. Daring to be this vulnerable for the greater good is exactly what we need. I wish you all the best and thank you for doing this! Best wishes from The Netherlands!
@Xaiden H thanks for listening. And for not giving up to that darkness.
You are not alone.
Hi aaron
Time ago I felt like you and was terrible, my whole family broke apart and I lost almost everything in my life, my school, my house, my rutine, friends and my father (who I didn't really know where he was)
I ended up in another school with kids that didn't like me that much, feeling worthless and seeking for attention, so I started to consume drugs and act violent. I joined to an anarquist group because I felt accepted and also I expressed my rage fighting police and destroying public propierty.
One day, a friend noticed that I was alone and save me. Now I'm studing at the university to become a teacher.
I think teenagers need more attention and love from us, they are kids still, trying ot act like adults when osmetimes they are not prepared.
Bless, greeting from Chile :)
Your an amazing man, a simple thing changed the lives of hundreds, it’s sad that I’m afraid to go to school, I have to fake sickness just because I’m afraid, it’s sad that the thing that’s supposed to teach me scares me the most.
Social Services failed him by not talking to him by himself and letting him get his side of the story out.
Yes I know how it is I was raised in that b.s. they weren't tge issue a narcissist adoptive parent was, but they're generally useless.
They talked to me once and I lied out of fear of what my parents would do. Talking to SS isn’t always helpful
I once tried calling them and I was left on hold and I grabbed a knife and started to gently slide It over my wrist and as I was about to stick it in my arm, I called my best friend since 2 of my other friends didn't want to talk to me so she talked to me for an hour and saved me. I will always be in her debt.
social services is the worst. when i was going through so much pain and trouble i went to them for help and instead they immediately asked me if i was doing drugs, to which i said yes
they then told my mom only that which put me through the worst pain of my life and i was in residential for months
They failed me in the same manner which is why I don't trust them either
“We have to give love to the people we think deserve it the least.” Awesome message.
i know im about 5 years late, but what an absolute champion this guy is, i couldnt even imagine getting through all that struggle. what a guy
*“Love the ones you feel deserve the least, because they need it the most.”*
-Aaron Stark
yup
Yup
yup
I got to that part exactly as i read the comments
Might put that as my senior quote
takes a lot of balls to spill your guts like that.. he should be proud of his courage.
iGGy eo Character.
Most TED talks are people trying to further their career / presenting themselves in a positive light. This man went into the dark depths of his past to teach us. Very incredible and a great role model.
Woke-ye West that’s kind of the point
Woke-ye West
I don’t think you get the point of this video
Did you even watch his video? People can't control how they're raised and situations they're put in. He was given a bad hand in life, one that would lead many into crime. His TED talk was how others helped him to avoid that path. And we are just saying that it takes a lot of courage to tell that kind of story that could put himself in a bad light.
So... why are you calling people idiots again? Peace and love man.
Aaron - you represent the power of all superheroes. Thank you for reminding me that one single act of kindness has such huge impact and that we never really know the burdens any individual is carrying.
This was the only TEDx Talk that genuinely made me cry. I'm just glad that Aaron is in a better spot right now.
Takes a lot of balls to do this. Much respect for this man.
right on
Nope
It makes u feel better doing this
He cried a bit in the last part...
Much respect to his friend dude
We live in a society that thinks even sane teenagers are innately dangerous and psychotic. Let alone the ones with issues. In today's climate teenage Aaron Stark would probably have been shot with little legal provocation.