How u gon know what u can handle if u never stepped out the box, growth is uncomfortable half these successful people failed many time from stuff they couldn’t “ handle” but every loss was a gain on knowing….. so many people want a healthy relationship, but relationships grow u allow that man to teach you and vice versa….. the man in the video is speaking on a woman that isn’t accountable, responsible or self aware but if she is emotionally intelligent then she should’ve all those things right?
In other words, a man's feelings matter only when they're not in conflict with what the woman wants, b/c acknowledging how he feels means that she may not get what she wants or get her way. Most men are perfectly capable of expressing how we feel. We just know that it'll be met with resistance if it's not beneficial to the other side. Having to argue to feel like you matter in the relationship is draining so a lot of us just suffer in silence. He probably didn't mean to preach, but he damn sure meant to testify!!!
A lot of women say that they want a man to express their emotions, but when they get it (as he stated), they call the man too soft or that they're acting like a female. And this is exactly why men don't open up. Bottom line: if you want a man to express their emotions and feelings to you in a respectful manner, you must accept what comes with it and be in a mature place to give them a safe space to do so. As well as be in a place where you can handle it.
"When I say something that isn't favorable, it gets used against me for how it makes her feel about what I said and not the stuff I said." This is exactly why I had to stop talking to one of my friends. She always responded with how she felt about what I said rather than address what I actually said.
It’s attractive when they can express themselves EVEN IF I don’t like or feel good about what he is saying. Too many dudes are emotional Without the intelligence and wanna say how they feel WHILE being disrespectful, condescending, and or aggressive. Just like when women speak from that place, the message is lost if you cannot articulate your feelings without all of that extra. I can get there too. Usually it’s after I have articulated well over and over that I get emotional with my message. How he presents it, he sounds like a winner. That kind of man can lead me and we can work together. Communication is easy when we both do our parts right.
Nah women choose what they think is disrespectful or condescending The man broke it down. A man can literally be telling a woman exactly what she’s doing and instead of talking about what he brought up it becomes about how she feels about it being brought up
I bet you any amount of money most of y’all women think that my comment is disrespectful or condescending. If not y’all took this one that way Our culture won’t get anywhere without facing truth. We can’t keep getting upset when people hold us accountable. It’s literally become a part of our culture and it’s making for a weak and unsustainable culture
Yoooo!!! Yes AND No. My husband is emotionally intelligent.. and he will NOT play into anything that is off caliber. I can genuinely believe I’m right! And he will not give in. And in time it will become known, I will apologize, take action to not repeat the past behavior, and I SUBMIT! Over the years I’ve grown to simply trust his judgement, even if it doesn’t make sense to me in the moment. In the beginning it was VERY hard. Over time? It’s way more simple to just trust his judgement. This is a man that works, provides, doesn’t cheat, etc. for anyone wondering. When I first met him I thought “this is too good to be true” and I tested the hell out of him, cause #TRAUMA. Turns out he is tried and true. If you have a man as such: treat him as he deserves. Trust his judgement. As a woman I am an emotional creature. He adds so much stability to me and our children. Allows me to function in feminine energy. Takes it into account, but if I’m off -he will not take it. If I’m spot on, he will. Give, give situations are the best.
Well he's an idiot for staying with you. Typical woman testing him at the start for no reason just because of your own trauma, your trauma had nothing to do with him at all and yet you thought you had the right to treat him that way at the start. This is how most women think, so bad.
@@richtamati9959 actually it was something I didn’t even realize I was doing (cause trauma) and have since identified, and unlearned those habits, and replaced them with healthy habits. That’s why he’s still with me. But okay. Let me know the day you operate without flaw, then come speak like that. We ALL have flaws and room to grow. Especially when it comes to relationships. If you don’t believe you do, and you’re just perfect, then you’re probably the issue in your own relationships. He’s not an idiot to be with me.
@@godsavethequeen1816 Meaning he knows when your energy is off or if you just say well ,I’m alright he’ll make it a priority to get to the bottom of it cause alright isn’t the right answer to how you’re feeling / responds to him when he ask you certain things.. 💯 it’s not many brothers that’s like that left appreciate him.
You’re a very lucky woman. I’m recently turned 20 and I’m going to be 100% honest with you. If I was in his shoes , I’d imagine the only reasons I’d stay in that rollercoaster dynamic is if , we’ve already had kids and/or gotten married, or if I see you have the potential to become the wife I would want and need in my life . I’d say he made a very good choice being how wise and understanding you are now and I commend you for that! I hope your children learn from their parents because this is a rare case of understanding in our generation. Also love that you understand his emotional intelligence behind your actions in the past . If a man (key word MAN) doesn’t bend on something you believe in your heart is right , it’s not to belittle your judgment, it’s genuine for your best interest and because you may be just a little off . But as you said , when you were right , you were right and that’s what makes a good man emotional intelligent. To know when to put your foot down (respectfully) and when to let it be known that you’re right and that what was said was heard
Women conflate emotional intelligence with emotional expression. It's why I ignore the emotional intelligence nonsense. Women treat men like their lack of outward expression means a lack of emotional depth or process. They treat men like defective woman without considering men process emotionality differently. Demeaning men for not communicating emotions the same as women is like shaming the circle for not fitting into the square peg. This base misunderstanding of mens nature is why I believe people who talk about emotional intelligence are the LEAST emotionally intelligent of everyone.
What the heck ? Being able to express your emotions in a healthy manner is a part of emotionnal intelligence Stop focusing how other people are, focus on yourself
@@noneofyourbuizness Women dont get a monopoly over what healthy expression is or what emotional intelligence is. That is literally YOU focusing on other peoples process so take your own advice first.
How about this most men do not process their emotions they do not identify with emotion cause they are focused on being more logical....men I have talked to said that emotions are dangerous and most times unnecessary.....women understand that men express emotions differently....most men feel like crying is a sign of weakness...some can't be affectionate without it leading to sex....everything is blk n whyte with yall....when in life u have gray areas....I can admit I stopped trying to connect with men...lol yall men are not as simple as yall claim to be....I won't ask any man to change ....I just know this shit is not for everyone and being single is not a bad thing...good luck to anyone still dating and searching
@@vonnii1013 You have no idea about the internal world of men or how men process anything. Assuming you know anything about what most men do is strictly from the value system and measurements of your female lens. Saying most men feel like crying is a sign of weakness is true. But most women miss a huge part of why that is. Women lose respect for men who show vulnerability. It leads to disrespect, romantic/sexual disqualification, Infidelity, breakups and manipulative psychoanalysis during fights using your expressions said in confidence against you. Men learn early neither the world nor women respond in good faith to our tears so we sharpen each other with stoicism as tough love preparation. Men ARE very simple. Women tend to over complicate men. Men operate on respect in life and relationships. Men feel like talking about emotions is mostly pointless and masturbatory and would much rather take actionable steps towards feeling better or deal with it alone.
I felt this to my core. I’ve always been very attentive to the emotions of whomever I’m dating (or currently married to) and I’ve always been very open and honest about my emotions and it’s put me in some difficult situations because the women I’ve expressed those emotions to (in as respectful a manner as possible) have used those feelings against me at some point. And when the girl jumped up talking about “ladies he’s making too much sense, somebody cry”. While I understand she was kidding around, sadly that is EXACTLY what often happens. I make myself vulnerable, I express my feelings and then the woman reacts by crying and now instead of discussing my emotions, we’re discussing her reaction to them. This man was speaking pure, unadulterated facts.
Exactly what I was thinking about as well. Whenever you try to express what is wrong, it quickly becomes about them and how it makes them feel. I got PTSD from this experience. It is honestly so draining trying to communicate a problem only to have to end up being guilt-tripped because you dared to bring the issue up as it makes her feel uncomfortable.
Women dont even know how to express themselves though. Women's relationships with each other be in shambles too. At a certain point, women gon have to admit not being these perfect pilars of relationships they think are. 🤷🏾♀️
Very true. That's why I just stop talking the second they act like my feelings don't matter. If it keeps happening, I move around. In the same way that women don't have time to raise a man, I don't have time to raise a woman.
This video definitely made me check myself…..I recently met a guy who is very emotionally intelligent and very aware of his emotions…which is a quality I definitely look for in a man, but the other day I saw him cry (happy tears) & I didn’t know how to take it. In one aspect, I even got turned off by it and got the slight ick by seeing him cry since I’ve never seen a man present in my life cry. I went home, reflected, and had a conversation with myself…if I want a man who is in tune with his emotions, this is something I’m going to have to understand…. The gentleman in the video is speaking the truth! ❤
Break up with that man and let him find a real woman. Then go get you an angry, emotionless, brute that will make YOU cry. Its what you both deserve. 😂
..and y’all want to RAG on Fresh N Fit!! They’re just saying what MOST MEN KNOW. [Most] Women are NOT equipped to deal with Men’s emotions.. PERIOD. You’re simply not built for it. Men.. find a therapist or your closet compadres to confide TRUE emotions with. Anything you unload onto your women will be a weapon of mass destruction she uses against you.
Sis, let this man find ANOTHER woman who can do the job better. Emotionally intelligent men are not for you. Go date a thug or someone hopped up on testosterone.
Why r men in these comments so harsh to women who are not ignorant to their own shortcomings? Aren't we allowed to learn from our mistakes or should we be coming perfect? Hurt brothers smh
Amen. Emotions are only right when 'she' feels them to be right. If not, we argue. I told someone yesterday. Arguments are always 2 sided, and they are about 1 or more of 4 things. Facts, Feelings, Promise, or Premise. Don't complain about emotions on the man when you as a lady always deal in emotions
You make a good and valid point however, expression your feelings and emotionals isn't the same as being Emotionally Intelligent. People have to be healed emotionally in order to be emotionally intelligent about their emotions. Know what you feel, how and why you feel that way and managing them in a healthy way is the Intelligent part. We are all human and all have feelings and emotions, but can we handle them in a very healthy manner. It's like IQ, EQ, RQ and there is also a BQ. IQ - Intelligence Quotient RQ - Relational Intelligence EQ - Emotional Intelligence BQ - Biblical Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is for you not for the other person. It is the ability to create emotional control ,feel them, understand them and heal them all at one time. Emotional intelligence isnt to be convenient for your partner but to make dealing with other people more convenient for you. It takes two.☯️
I hope this makes it the top. This is the awareness most of us are not brought to. The awareness is for you. Of course with those we keep community with or partner with it’s our hope we a heard and met but the intelligence, the awareness around the energy or experience is for the individual. If you aren’t being heard there’s information there that needs processing. Could a misalignment or time for that relationship to transition(end so to speak) and that leads to a different conversation.
Spoken like a an argumentative individual lacking what you want from the emotionally intelligent male being spoke of. Why do blsck women take issue with a man that doesn't fit your confirmation bias? 🤦🏾♂️
True my brother what they want is what they get then they can't handle it ,short story lot of women don't know what they want, they are emotionally challenged themselves
My boyfriend is very emotionally aware and at first it threw me off because I've never actually dealt with an emotionally aware man. Although they can somewhat trigger you if you're not used to it, the benefit is that they will always admit when they are wrong. To me it's so very important for a man to be able to put aside his ego for the benefit of the relationship.
@@TaylorBlack420 All you can do is vet people, man or woman and only allow a select few who prove that they have ethics and character into your inner circle.
Ma’am, emotionally aware and emotional intelligence are two different things . His emotional intelligence is what gives him the ability to know when to let his emotions show and how to do it . His emotional awareness tells him what or where your emotions are stemming from . Emotional intelligence contains the qualities of emotional awareness, but if he only had the awareness aspect, he would probably be a dick about it and use it against you . As most people who derive from a place of emotion do “unintentionally.” Saying this to say , if hearing him saying “ you’re right “ after a disagreement gave you more satisfaction than just an appreciation of his understanding and acknowledgement of how difficult that may be depending on what the topic is for that person specifically, then you went into the relationship with some deep rooted issues and he recognized them and still chose to love you in-spite of that . He’s a good man , but not many will tolerate such behavior in different calibers of life . This kind of stuff you should already have mastered before jumping Into the relationship, but my guess is that you pushed for it and he wanted something in return for all the work he’s already put in to get you to wherever you all were at this point and caved in to reap those benefits. Or you’re very attractive and he put you on a pedestal, but whatever the case may be , it seems that you lacked what you looked for in your man and the odds turned out in your favor because *ding ding ding * you guessed it , you’re a woman . If I’m wrong , name 3 guys you know who have done this ,knowingly or unknowingly, and still are with that person. You have 24/hrs to respond
@@imofficiallygif4617 In my previous relationship the man I was with would do things that were very wrong towards me and when I would confront him, he would never say sorry. When I did things that he didn't like, I apologized even if i didn't understand, because to me to maintain the relationship is more important than being right. With my current partner he is very emotionally aware and intelligent. He helps me confront my emotional immaturity. Sometimes he does push me a little too far and I get sad. I don't hold it against him because I appreciate that he will consider my emotions and will apologize and try to adjust in order to better accommodate me.
I love your word choice, a guy being emotionally available was a 'trigger' for you. Like a dood just being him and not a robot freaked you out for a second and you had to readjust, like damn doods feel too, weird.
That’s why when bad boys hit on me and I go nah I’m not into you. I’m a nerd girl and I like nerd boys because from the moment you and him date and converse he is bringing his emotional intelligence and that is a huge turn on it’s why I love books… the movie The Great Debater where back in the days it was cool to be educated and speak with such as well as manners and proper etiquette that is a lost art.
Shouldn’t a person just always have emotional intelligence or strive to have it in general? It shouldn’t be conditional in a relationship rather than it should be something an adult human has. Emotional intelligence is how we communicate, express our feelings efficiently and regulate ourselves. It’s not something you should step in and out of as you deem necessary as you deem a partner worthy enough of it. Very informative though 🤷🏾♀️
I think the problem is that many adults don't have to deal with their emotional immaturity when they are single or living on their own without having to answer to anyone long term. Often you will find that they burn bridges with people or simply say"it's them" not me without self reflecting. So when they do walk into a relationship, it can become a rude awakening for them to have to deal with emotional feedback that doesn't always show them in a shining light that they envision themselves being.
They should but there are many people that need to be emotionally healed first. You cannot be intelligent about your emotions or have healthy emotions until you have first healed.
Everybody should work to be more emotionally intelligent, just like being more intelligent in general. But also like intelligence, there is a certain level of natural selection. Some people are just never going to understand the way others feel, some people lack empathy, compassion, etc. So yeah we should all want to be emotionally intelligent, but the reality is that some just never will be. I think what he's getting at is that some women will say they want an emotionally intelligent man as a way to put down their exs and justify why their relationships aren't or weren't working out. But then when they manage to find an emotionally intelligent man, they've done no work themselves, they've spent all that time complaining that everyone else wasn't emotionally intelligent enough and now they lack the skills to deal with a new dynamic or keep up on that level.
Facts... I know cause I have this guy in my life now and I asked him for that emotional side, now that I have it,m learning a lot. I understand that emotions are just too much sometimes 😂and honesty is hard to swallow. But I wouldn't want it any other way too🤷🏽♀️
I feel this is literally every woman. As soon as you speak your problem dont matter if it makes them feel away. You have now attacked them your tixic a narcissist and all the other words they love to use. No you just aint mature enough to have the conversation or be in a relationship!
He is telling not a single lie. It may be a HUGE contrast to what you're normally used to. But a 🥷🏾 who can communicate and express himself effectively will make you check yourself quick fast and in a hurry! 🧡
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you. If your upset with someone and disrespecting them because you’re angry that’s not emotional intelligence. Letting them know “ hey, I’m upset right now, give me a minute and I can have a good talk with you when I’m not feeling so riled up” is emotional intelligence… I think what this man is saying is valid to the weaponizing of black men who do express themselves in emotional ways but the scenario he is playing is not how an emotional intelligent person go about moving in a highly emotional manner.
I haven't had this ever‼️‼️ Why Lord, do not pass me by❓️🙏🏽🙏🏽 I've had insecure, manipulative, and crazy. So I'll stay single and continue to work on me to break that cycle. Gotta do the work.....
Research shows women tend to be more attracted to men who don't show their feelings. They'll SAY they want a man who's in touch with his emotions, but then they'll be more attracted to the guy who hides his emotions. Then they'll complain about him not expressing his feelings even after they chose him lol. One of the reasons for this is that these emotionless men remind them of their parents and caregivers.
I just believe there’s a way to express yourself. Sometimes it is about the way you say it. My partner can be overwhelmed but he doesn’t just express himself and say to hell with how I feel. Like he would never say “shut up” when he wants me to be quiet. He says “hey I’m feeling overwhelmed. Is it okay if I take some space and have some stillness? I’m not feeling verbal today.” NOW if the partner isn’t accepting this that’s a convo about boundaries not women and emotional intelligence. You can express yourself AND be considerate of a partner. It’s not that women aren’t ready for that but it seems if someone has to prod and push someone else to be emotionally intelligent then that person hasn’t been on their healing journey long enough to be dating🤷🏾♀️maybe take some more time because in relationships BOTH parties should be able to be respected. And I’m not big on the gender role things so I will say that I’m sorry that’s been his experience with a woman spouse but as far a generalization for women, I know plenty of women and men that can express themselves without begging to be told to do so and with consideration for a partner to have a dialogue that’s productive. A conversation is an expression space for both parties to connect more deeply. Not just this is how I feel now beat it 😂👉🏾👉🏾👉🏾
That is a conversation on emotional intelligence because boundaries are a part of emotional intelligence. The reason why he says women are not ready for that is because, from what I gather, there are disparities in how men are women are allowed and expected to express their emotions. While I know that both men and women do this, generally speaking, a lot of men often talk about how their vulnerabilities and weaknesses are used against them in arguments with women, and that women are not receptive to problems and concerns the men have in relationships or their feelings. But I think that has a lot to do with the differences in how society allows us to express our emotions like I said earlier. And while some would try to argue otherwise, their are traits that women are receptive to that make a man seem more attractive, one of which is being able to handle his emotions, while showing them can be too much for the women.
@@chewdoom8415 mhm I definitely see your point and those are all valid but if we’re still being defined by society and not listening to our emotions and our partners well enough to have a relationship…🤷🏾♀️Don’t think it’s healthy to define personal relationships by societal standards by any means. And while this is an explanation that I understand, It doesn’t help close gender gaps to help people relate to one another in relations in healthy manners. I think it’s another type of division. To look at a partner and say “well society says this and this about you” rather than “we say this and this about one another” is kind of like a scapegoat from accountability. If a partner feels they’ve been manipulated or have been invalidated, then that’s between you and that partner to work through healthily or if that’s not working to end the relationship. Of course humans are influenced by their environment but all of that still means counseling and healthy boundaries matter. Not the gendering of behavior that has sociologically been present in every gender. It’s not just WOMEN or just MEN doing this🤷🏾♀️ that’s still not okay to say that “society made me this way” for genders to excuse when the behavior should be addressed. Counseling would help people understand why their attracted to particular people and cycles. But those cycles don’t show up in just women. Psychologically these things can show up as trauma responses that some people use in their youth for protection. That’s bigger than gender. Furthermore, If hyper masculinity that society promotes is just emotionless men taking badass action and hyper femininity is using emotions to manipulate and overpower then🤷🏾♀️i don’t think society should be where we measure relationships. I understand they’re frustration. I’m not invalidating that because I’ve experienced this myself. I’m saying it’s somewhat irrational to state an entire gender of people is a certain way. The same way I would tell someone it’s irrational to say an entire race is a certain way. No person is the same. In counseling we reflect on the self. It’s more productive for me to ask why am I involved in relationships like this and how do I get what I’m actually looking for than to focus on him/her/they. How can I break this cycle because i can’t change another person. I think society isn’t receptive to any persons emotions unless it’s leading them to monetarily consume. But women are a marginalized group similar to like black people or LGBTQ persons. So to constantly lean on women -to -men relationships leave out many partner dynamics and also just really limits women -to -men’s ability to relate to one another because every day there’s another stereotype or belief being promoted about the ways in which men and women interact or should interact. When I think it should just be this is how a partner of ANY gender should behave in a partnership. So I think leaving society out of relationships is important because it removes the equality and safety that should be present in healthy relationships because sociopolitical aspects make love hard.
@@christenbass380 I think you have the wrong idea. I am giving an explanation as to why men and women may act a certain way. No one is trying to not hold people accountable or say that all people of a certain group are this way and that is the end of it; that is an assumption on your end. It is impossible to completely separate society and culture from our development. We all go into relationships with preconceived notions and assumptions. The responsibility is to practices introspection, improve on ourselves to understand the forces that may lead to our behavior. That is where counseling that you mentioned can comes in to play. All I am
Very relatable The root causes can stem from “emotionally unavailable “ caregivers or experiencing emotional neglect in childhood. There’s millions if not billions that can connect to this from this due to societal norms , family dynamics of learned behaviors or even inherently emotional abuse
My idea of emotional intelligence is having insight into your own emotions, command of your reactions, and the ability to think through illogical thoughts and feelings. Emotions can be unfair and irrational but it’s no one’s job to undermine how someone else feels - conversely, you can’t walk around ‘happening’ to people because you feel some kinda way. EI toward others is just empathy and compassion.
What he’s talking about is asking a man to express himself, then using your emotional response to make him feel bad about how he feels. It is expressly trying to shut down his emotional communication by teaching him that his emotions are wrong or unacceptable to you. He comes up to you and says, “Babe, I’m scared of this surgery I have coming up, I’m worried, can we talk?” and you say “You’re scared? How do you think I feel? I need you to be the strong one!” That’s teaching him that *he cannot show fear that he feels.* Because you can’t handle it. Or if he says, “I get anxious when you go hang out with those girlfriends at the club, because I always see pictures of you with all these guys flirting with you.” And you start to cry and say “Don’t you trust me? You don’t love me any more!” to make him *apologize for having feelings.* These are ways women use their own emotional responses to shut down a man’s willingness to communicate. If you want to encourage him to express himself you can validate his feelings without agreeing with them. “It’s okay to be scared about this surgery. It’s a big deal. We’ve got good doctors and they’re going to do their best.” or “I understand that this makes you anxious. I don’t want you to worry about us, because I’m not going to cheat on you. There may be guys there, but I’m just going for my friends and not for the guys. You can trust me.” This is basically the same emotional work that men get asked to do all the time. “Do I look fat in this?” or “I think my co-worker hates me, she always gives me these looks.” or “I hate my sister! Did you hear what she said about our daughter? I know she was making a comment on XYZ.” And we have to go “those jeans aren’t very flattering but you’re still beautiful, that must be really frustrating about your co-worker, I’m sorry to hear about what your sister said, let’s make sure our daughter doesn’t take it to heart.” We have to navigate this stuff all the time: why can’t you?
Exactly! But you know, for some people they only judge character and emotions on a "black or white" scale. You either too emotional or not emotional enough. Not knowing there is a "middle" ground of well "balanced" emotional intelligence that knows WHEN and HOW to convey and converse very much needed emotions on a masculine level. I think, not knowing when and how to express needed emotional intelligence could be a major setback on the full potential of a marriage or relationship. To me, most relationships and marriages have a huge emotional "gap," that is tolerated or substituted with other things, but yet is still an emotional emptiness that you can actually feel the void that needs to be "bridged" through learning "EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE." - As a matter of fact, emotional intelligence is one of the main lessons from a professional marriage/relationship counselor.
As a man who has been married for 20+ years. This video articulates VERBATIM what I am dealing with. I could tell the story, but it would be too long on this thread. But just know. This man is 1000% correct. And to the young men on this thread. I'll say this. VET YOUR WOMAN PROPERLY!!! Find out what her traumas have been BEFORE you commit to her. So that she does not try to lump you in with the other men who ACTUALLY caused her trauma. Have her go to therapy to work through her past issues. Because if you don't. And you commit to that woman without her having addressed her past issues. She won't have a problem (when you get into an argument) putting you in the same category.
When women say this it’s usually selfish and they usually mean they don’t want a quiet serial killer type of man, who is patient whenever they have an emotional meltdown or want to gossip🤷🏽♂️
That's true but I'm very self aware of who I am. And a like to hear the opinions of what my man say period. Because for me it says I am a Woman of growth not a woman of convenience for myself.
Agree. At the end of the day its not how emotionally intelligent a man is if it doesnt fit her needs… but how intelligent he is in understanding his partners love language, that way he could serve him the right emotional response and support.
If you're dealing with that type of situation, then that's not a woman who's realized full emotional intelligence. That's someone who maybe wants a partner to hold space for their emotions, but has no history or intentions of holding space for their partner's or a man's emotions
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾He told no lies. Don't ask for what you're not ready to handle.
Indeed.
How u gon know what u can handle if u never stepped out the box, growth is uncomfortable half these successful people failed many time from stuff they couldn’t “ handle” but every loss was a gain on knowing….. so many people want a healthy relationship, but relationships grow u allow that man to teach you and vice versa….. the man in the video is speaking on a woman that isn’t accountable, responsible or self aware but if she is emotionally intelligent then she should’ve all those things right?
ON GOD 🔥🔥🔥
In other words, a man's feelings matter only when they're not in conflict with what the woman wants, b/c acknowledging how he feels means that she may not get what she wants or get her way.
Most men are perfectly capable of expressing how we feel. We just know that it'll be met with resistance if it's not beneficial to the other side. Having to argue to feel like you matter in the relationship is draining so a lot of us just suffer in silence.
He probably didn't mean to preach, but he damn sure meant to testify!!!
💯💯💯💯
This are facts.
Facts
Then don't suffer....go find your happiness some where else....
@@vonnii1013they are what do you think the passport bros movement is about
That man told no lies! We ladies need to seriously work on that!!!
Agreed!
I agree ☝🏾
Work on, is way too late.
A lot of women say that they want a man to express their emotions, but when they get it (as he stated), they call the man too soft or that they're acting like a female. And this is exactly why men don't open up.
Bottom line: if you want a man to express their emotions and feelings to you in a respectful manner, you must accept what comes with it and be in a mature place to give them a safe space to do so. As well as be in a place where you can handle it.
She try to shame him but it backfired.
A man’s truth is traumatic to a woman.
Goddamn that’s perfectly articulated
"When I say something that isn't favorable, it gets used against me for how it makes her feel about what I said and not the stuff I said."
This is exactly why I had to stop talking to one of my friends. She always responded with how she felt about what I said rather than address what I actually said.
I totally understand....I've been there myself
It’s attractive when they can express themselves EVEN IF I don’t like or feel good about what he is saying. Too many dudes are emotional Without the intelligence and wanna say how they feel WHILE being disrespectful, condescending, and or aggressive. Just like when women speak from that place, the message is lost if you cannot articulate your feelings without all of that extra. I can get there too. Usually it’s after I have articulated well over and over that I get emotional with my message. How he presents it, he sounds like a winner. That kind of man can lead me and we can work together. Communication is easy when we both do our parts right.
Amen to that!!!
Yes Ma'am!! 🤗🤗
Could you give us an example of a man being emotionally intelligent??
Nah women choose what they think is disrespectful or condescending
The man broke it down. A man can literally be telling a woman exactly what she’s doing and instead of talking about what he brought up it becomes about how she feels about it being brought up
I bet you any amount of money most of y’all women think that my comment is disrespectful or condescending. If not y’all took this one that way
Our culture won’t get anywhere without facing truth. We can’t keep getting upset when people hold us accountable. It’s literally become a part of our culture and it’s making for a weak and unsustainable culture
Yoooo!!! Yes AND No. My husband is emotionally intelligent.. and he will NOT play into anything that is off caliber.
I can genuinely believe I’m right!
And he will not give in.
And in time it will become known, I will apologize, take action to not repeat the past behavior, and I SUBMIT!
Over the years I’ve grown to simply trust his judgement, even if it doesn’t make sense to me in the moment.
In the beginning it was VERY hard. Over time?
It’s way more simple to just trust his judgement.
This is a man that works, provides, doesn’t cheat, etc. for anyone wondering.
When I first met him I thought “this is too good to be true” and I tested the hell out of him, cause #TRAUMA.
Turns out he is tried and true.
If you have a man as such: treat him as he deserves. Trust his judgement. As a woman I am an emotional creature. He adds so much stability to me and our children. Allows me to function in feminine energy. Takes it into account, but if I’m off -he will not take it.
If I’m spot on, he will.
Give, give situations are the best.
Well he's an idiot for staying with you. Typical woman testing him at the start for no reason just because of your own trauma, your trauma had nothing to do with him at all and yet you thought you had the right to treat him that way at the start. This is how most women think, so bad.
@@richtamati9959 actually it was something I didn’t even realize I was doing (cause trauma) and have since identified, and unlearned those habits, and replaced them with healthy habits.
That’s why he’s still with me. But okay.
Let me know the day you operate without flaw, then come speak like that.
We ALL have flaws and room to grow. Especially when it comes to relationships. If you don’t believe you do, and you’re just perfect, then you’re probably the issue in your own relationships.
He’s not an idiot to be with me.
@@godsavethequeen1816 Meaning he knows when your energy is off or if you just say well ,I’m alright he’ll make it a priority to get to the bottom of it cause alright isn’t the right answer to how you’re feeling / responds to him when he ask you certain things.. 💯 it’s not many brothers that’s like that left appreciate him.
A woman.. apologize..😂
You’re a very lucky woman. I’m recently turned 20 and I’m going to be 100% honest with you. If I was in his shoes , I’d imagine the only reasons I’d stay in that rollercoaster dynamic is if , we’ve already had kids and/or gotten married, or if I see you have the potential to become the wife I would want and need in my life . I’d say he made a very good choice being how wise and understanding you are now and I commend you for that! I hope your children learn from their parents because this is a rare case of understanding in our generation. Also love that you understand his emotional intelligence behind your actions in the past . If a man (key word MAN) doesn’t bend on something you believe in your heart is right , it’s not to belittle your judgment, it’s genuine for your best interest and because you may be just a little off . But as you said , when you were right , you were right and that’s what makes a good man emotional intelligent. To know when to put your foot down (respectfully) and when to let it be known that you’re right and that what was said was heard
Women conflate emotional intelligence with emotional expression. It's why I ignore the emotional intelligence nonsense. Women treat men like their lack of outward expression means a lack of emotional depth or process. They treat men like defective woman without considering men process emotionality differently. Demeaning men for not communicating emotions the same as women is like shaming the circle for not fitting into the square peg. This base misunderstanding of mens nature is why I believe people who talk about emotional intelligence are the LEAST emotionally intelligent of everyone.
Well said
What the heck ?
Being able to express your emotions in a healthy manner is a part of emotionnal intelligence
Stop focusing how other people are, focus on yourself
@@noneofyourbuizness Women dont get a monopoly over what healthy expression is or what emotional intelligence is. That is literally YOU focusing on other peoples process so take your own advice first.
How about this most men do not process their emotions they do not identify with emotion cause they are focused on being more logical....men I have talked to said that emotions are dangerous and most times unnecessary.....women understand that men express emotions differently....most men feel like crying is a sign of weakness...some can't be affectionate without it leading to sex....everything is blk n whyte with yall....when in life u have gray areas....I can admit I stopped trying to connect with men...lol yall men are not as simple as yall claim to be....I won't ask any man to change ....I just know this shit is not for everyone and being single is not a bad thing...good luck to anyone still dating and searching
@@vonnii1013 You have no idea about the internal world of men or how men process anything. Assuming you know anything about what most men do is strictly from the value system and measurements of your female lens. Saying most men feel like crying is a sign of weakness is true. But most women miss a huge part of why that is. Women lose respect for men who show vulnerability. It leads to disrespect, romantic/sexual disqualification, Infidelity, breakups and manipulative psychoanalysis during fights using your expressions said in confidence against you. Men learn early neither the world nor women respond in good faith to our tears so we sharpen each other with stoicism as tough love preparation. Men ARE very simple.
Women tend to over complicate men. Men operate on respect in life and relationships. Men feel like talking about emotions is mostly pointless and masturbatory and would much rather take actionable steps towards feeling better or deal with it alone.
Every time I keep my mouth shut and listen as much as possible... the more I realize where I can grow and the relationship can flourish🖤
I felt this to my core. I’ve always been very attentive to the emotions of whomever I’m dating (or currently married to) and I’ve always been very open and honest about my emotions and it’s put me in some difficult situations because the women I’ve expressed those emotions to (in as respectful a manner as possible) have used those feelings against me at some point. And when the girl jumped up talking about “ladies he’s making too much sense, somebody cry”. While I understand she was kidding around, sadly that is EXACTLY what often happens. I make myself vulnerable, I express my feelings and then the woman reacts by crying and now instead of discussing my emotions, we’re discussing her reaction to them. This man was speaking pure, unadulterated facts.
Exactly what I was thinking about as well. Whenever you try to express what is wrong, it quickly becomes about them and how it makes them feel. I got PTSD from this experience. It is honestly so draining trying to communicate a problem only to have to end up being guilt-tripped because you dared to bring the issue up as it makes her feel uncomfortable.
Women dont even know how to express themselves though. Women's relationships with each other be in shambles too. At a certain point, women gon have to admit not being these perfect pilars of relationships they think are. 🤷🏾♀️
Very true.
That's why I just stop talking the second they act like my feelings don't matter. If it keeps happening, I move around.
In the same way that women don't have time to raise a man, I don't have time to raise a woman.
The truth that he's sharing is going over alot of people's heads. But he's so right
This video definitely made me check myself…..I recently met a guy who is very emotionally intelligent and very aware of his emotions…which is a quality I definitely look for in a man, but the other day I saw him cry (happy tears) & I didn’t know how to take it. In one aspect, I even got turned off by it and got the slight ick by seeing him cry since I’ve never seen a man present in my life cry.
I went home, reflected, and had a conversation with myself…if I want a man who is in tune with his emotions, this is something I’m going to have to understand….
The gentleman in the video is speaking the truth! ❤
Seek therepy please. For an human being to not be able to show feelings without turning you off is internal issue
Break up with that man and let him find a real woman. Then go get you an angry, emotionless, brute that will make YOU cry. Its what you both deserve. 😂
..and y’all want to RAG on Fresh N Fit!! They’re just saying what MOST MEN KNOW. [Most] Women are NOT equipped to deal with Men’s emotions.. PERIOD. You’re simply not built for it. Men.. find a therapist or your closet compadres to confide TRUE emotions with. Anything you unload onto your women will be a weapon of mass destruction she uses against you.
Sis, let this man find ANOTHER woman who can do the job better. Emotionally intelligent men are not for you. Go date a thug or someone hopped up on testosterone.
Why r men in these comments so harsh to women who are not ignorant to their own shortcomings? Aren't we allowed to learn from our mistakes or should we be coming perfect? Hurt brothers smh
Amen. Emotions are only right when 'she' feels them to be right. If not, we argue. I told someone yesterday. Arguments are always 2 sided, and they are about 1 or more of 4 things. Facts, Feelings, Promise, or Premise.
Don't complain about emotions on the man when you as a lady always deal in emotions
You make a good and valid point however, expression your feelings and emotionals isn't the same as being Emotionally Intelligent. People have to be healed emotionally in order to be emotionally intelligent about their emotions. Know what you feel, how and why you feel that way and managing them in a healthy way is the Intelligent part. We are all human and all have feelings and emotions, but can we handle them in a very healthy manner.
It's like IQ, EQ, RQ and there is also a BQ.
IQ - Intelligence Quotient
RQ - Relational Intelligence
EQ - Emotional Intelligence
BQ - Biblical Intelligence
FACTS 💯💯
And for the ladies who are literally listening and hearing with their heart and emotional intelligence THANK YOU
Emotional intelligence is for you not for the other person. It is the ability to create emotional control ,feel them, understand them and heal them all at one time. Emotional intelligence isnt to be convenient for your partner but to make dealing with other people more convenient for you. It takes two.☯️
I hope this makes it the top. This is the awareness most of us are not brought to. The awareness is for you. Of course with those we keep community with or partner with it’s our hope we a heard and met but the intelligence, the awareness around the energy or experience is for the individual. If you aren’t being heard there’s information there that needs processing. Could a misalignment or time for that relationship to transition(end so to speak) and that leads to a different conversation.
💯💯💯💯💚💚💚💚💚💚
The way you proved his point by making this statement 😂😂😂😂😂
Spoken like a an argumentative individual lacking what you want from the emotionally intelligent male being spoke of.
Why do blsck women take issue with a man that doesn't fit your confirmation bias? 🤦🏾♂️
My dude needs his own show on Hulu, Netflix, or Peacock 🙌🏿🙌🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
True my brother what they want is what they get then they can't handle it ,short story lot of women don't know what they want, they are emotionally challenged themselves
My boyfriend is very emotionally aware and at first it threw me off because I've never actually dealt with an emotionally aware man. Although they can somewhat trigger you if you're not used to it, the benefit is that they will always admit when they are wrong. To me it's so very important for a man to be able to put aside his ego for the benefit of the relationship.
Not many women who do the same tho 🤔
@@TaylorBlack420 All you can do is vet people, man or woman and only allow a select few who prove that they have ethics and character into your inner circle.
Ma’am, emotionally aware and emotional intelligence are two different things . His emotional intelligence is what gives him the ability to know when to let his emotions show and how to do it . His emotional awareness tells him what or where your emotions are stemming from . Emotional intelligence contains the qualities of emotional awareness, but if he only had the awareness aspect, he would probably be a dick about it and use it against you . As most people who derive from a place of emotion do “unintentionally.” Saying this to say , if hearing him saying “ you’re right “ after a disagreement gave you more satisfaction than just an appreciation of his understanding and acknowledgement of how difficult that may be depending on what the topic is for that person specifically, then you went into the relationship with some deep rooted issues and he recognized them and still chose to love you in-spite of that . He’s a good man , but not many will tolerate such behavior in different calibers of life . This kind of stuff you should already have mastered before jumping Into the relationship, but my guess is that you pushed for it and he wanted something in return for all the work he’s already put in to get you to wherever you all were at this point and caved in to reap those benefits. Or you’re very attractive and he put you on a pedestal, but whatever the case may be , it seems that you lacked what you looked for in your man and the odds turned out in your favor because *ding ding ding * you guessed it , you’re a woman . If I’m wrong , name 3 guys you know who have done this ,knowingly or unknowingly, and still are with that person. You have 24/hrs to respond
@@imofficiallygif4617 In my previous relationship the man I was with would do things that were very wrong towards me and when I would confront him, he would never say sorry. When I did things that he didn't like, I apologized even if i didn't understand, because to me to maintain the relationship is more important than being right. With my current partner he is very emotionally aware and intelligent. He helps me confront my emotional immaturity. Sometimes he does push me a little too far and I get sad. I don't hold it against him because I appreciate that he will consider my emotions and will apologize and try to adjust in order to better accommodate me.
I love your word choice, a guy being emotionally available was a 'trigger' for you. Like a dood just being him and not a robot freaked you out for a second and you had to readjust, like damn doods feel too, weird.
I’m 17 and I understand and go through EVERYTHING he just said and I’m only 17!
My guy. He so precise. That's my brotha.. Kuddos my Man!
That’s why when bad boys hit on me and I go nah I’m not into you. I’m a nerd girl and I like nerd boys because from the moment you and him date and converse he is bringing his emotional intelligence and that is a huge turn on it’s why I love books… the movie The Great Debater where back in the days it was cool to be educated and speak with such as well as manners and proper etiquette that is a lost art.
Shouldn’t a person just always have emotional intelligence or strive to have it in general? It shouldn’t be conditional in a relationship rather than it should be something an adult human has. Emotional intelligence is how we communicate, express our feelings efficiently and regulate ourselves. It’s not something you should step in and out of as you deem necessary as you deem a partner worthy enough of it. Very informative though 🤷🏾♀️
I think the problem is that many adults don't have to deal with their emotional immaturity when they are single or living on their own without having to answer to anyone long term. Often you will find that they burn bridges with people or simply say"it's them" not me without self reflecting. So when they do walk into a relationship, it can become a rude awakening for them to have to deal with emotional feedback that doesn't always show them in a shining light that they envision themselves being.
They should but there are many people that need to be emotionally healed first. You cannot be intelligent about your emotions or have healthy emotions until you have first healed.
Everybody should work to be more emotionally intelligent, just like being more intelligent in general. But also like intelligence, there is a certain level of natural selection. Some people are just never going to understand the way others feel, some people lack empathy, compassion, etc. So yeah we should all want to be emotionally intelligent, but the reality is that some just never will be.
I think what he's getting at is that some women will say they want an emotionally intelligent man as a way to put down their exs and justify why their relationships aren't or weren't working out. But then when they manage to find an emotionally intelligent man, they've done no work themselves, they've spent all that time complaining that everyone else wasn't emotionally intelligent enough and now they lack the skills to deal with a new dynamic or keep up on that level.
@@RoyalReyna 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Exactly
Facts... I know cause I have this guy in my life now and I asked him for that emotional side, now that I have it,m learning a lot. I understand that emotions are just too much sometimes 😂and honesty is hard to swallow. But I wouldn't want it any other way too🤷🏽♀️
Amen Tripp👏🏾💯
I feel this is literally every woman. As soon as you speak your problem dont matter if it makes them feel away. You have now attacked them your tixic a narcissist and all the other words they love to use. No you just aint mature enough to have the conversation or be in a relationship!
As an empath, this is true of most people. Not only women
He's speaking on women tho
That boy was cookin👨🏾🍳
Those kind of men always have a positive effect on me. An emotionally intelligent man can shut me up so fast. 😂
Dude need his own panel cuz dude REALLY get it
He is telling not a single lie. It may be a HUGE contrast to what you're normally used to. But a 🥷🏾 who can communicate and express himself effectively will make you check yourself quick fast and in a hurry! 🧡
I'm so sick of that s#$% , and all you can say is she not ready for what she done got herself into . She only know crazy
Tripp again speaking truth to power 💎
He’s worthy of a follow. What’s his IG?
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you. If your upset with someone and disrespecting them because you’re angry that’s not emotional intelligence. Letting them know “ hey, I’m upset right now, give me a minute and I can have a good talk with you when I’m not feeling so riled up” is emotional intelligence… I think what this man is saying is valid to the weaponizing of black men who do express themselves in emotional ways but the scenario he is playing is not how an emotional intelligent person go about moving in a highly emotional manner.
Thank you!
It’s not a scenario an emotionally intelligent person does. Buts it’s a scenario many men have been through
A complaint is an objection to something that is unfair, unacceptable, or otherwise not up to normal standards.
Man the amount of accountability in that one sentence.
I haven't had this ever‼️‼️ Why Lord, do not pass me by❓️🙏🏽🙏🏽 I've had insecure, manipulative, and crazy. So I'll stay single and continue to work on me to break that cycle. Gotta do the work.....
Yup happens to me all the time.
Research shows women tend to be more attracted to men who don't show their feelings. They'll SAY they want a man who's in touch with his emotions, but then they'll be more attracted to the guy who hides his emotions. Then they'll complain about him not expressing his feelings even after they chose him lol. One of the reasons for this is that these emotionless men remind them of their parents and caregivers.
This man dropping jewels 💎
Well Said ✊🏾💗 Truth Accepted.
I just believe there’s a way to express yourself. Sometimes it is about the way you say it. My partner can be overwhelmed but he doesn’t just express himself and say to hell with how I feel. Like he would never say “shut up” when he wants me to be quiet. He says “hey I’m feeling overwhelmed. Is it okay if I take some space and have some stillness? I’m not feeling verbal today.” NOW if the partner isn’t accepting this that’s a convo about boundaries not women and emotional intelligence. You can express yourself AND be considerate of a partner. It’s not that women aren’t ready for that but it seems if someone has to prod and push someone else to be emotionally intelligent then that person hasn’t been on their healing journey long enough to be dating🤷🏾♀️maybe take some more time because in relationships BOTH parties should be able to be respected. And I’m not big on the gender role things so I will say that I’m sorry that’s been his experience with a woman spouse but as far a generalization for women, I know plenty of women and men that can express themselves without begging to be told to do so and with consideration for a partner to have a dialogue that’s productive. A conversation is an expression space for both parties to connect more deeply. Not just this is how I feel now beat it 😂👉🏾👉🏾👉🏾
Luv This.. 💞💞
That is a conversation on emotional intelligence because boundaries are a part of emotional intelligence.
The reason why he says women are not ready for that is because, from what I gather, there are disparities in how men are women are allowed and expected to express their emotions.
While I know that both men and women do this, generally speaking, a lot of men often talk about how their vulnerabilities and weaknesses are used against them in arguments with women, and that women are not receptive to problems and concerns the men have in relationships or their feelings.
But I think that has a lot to do with the differences in how society allows us to express our emotions like I said earlier. And while some would try to argue otherwise, their are traits that women are receptive to that make a man seem more attractive, one of which is being able to handle his emotions, while showing them can be too much for the women.
@@chewdoom8415 mhm I definitely see your point and those are all valid but if we’re still being defined by society and not listening to our emotions and our partners well enough to have a relationship…🤷🏾♀️Don’t think it’s healthy to define personal relationships by societal standards by any means. And while this is an explanation that I understand, It doesn’t help close gender gaps to help people relate to one another in relations in healthy manners. I think it’s another type of division. To look at a partner and say “well society says this and this about you” rather than “we say this and this about one another” is kind of like a scapegoat from accountability. If a partner feels they’ve been manipulated or have been invalidated, then that’s between you and that partner to work through healthily or if that’s not working to end the relationship. Of course humans are influenced by their environment but all of that still means counseling and healthy boundaries matter. Not the gendering of behavior that has sociologically been present in every gender. It’s not just WOMEN or just MEN doing this🤷🏾♀️ that’s still not okay to say that “society made me this way” for genders to excuse when the behavior should be addressed. Counseling would help people understand why their attracted to particular people and cycles. But those cycles don’t show up in just women. Psychologically these things can show up as trauma responses that some people use in their youth for protection. That’s bigger than gender. Furthermore, If hyper masculinity that society promotes is just emotionless men taking badass action and hyper femininity is using emotions to manipulate and overpower then🤷🏾♀️i don’t think society should be where we measure relationships. I understand they’re frustration. I’m not invalidating that because I’ve experienced this myself. I’m saying it’s somewhat irrational to state an entire gender of people is a certain way. The same way I would tell someone it’s irrational to say an entire race is a certain way. No person is the same. In counseling we reflect on the self. It’s more productive for me to ask why am I involved in relationships like this and how do I get what I’m actually looking for than to focus on him/her/they. How can I break this cycle because i can’t change another person. I think society isn’t receptive to any persons emotions unless it’s leading them to monetarily consume. But women are a marginalized group similar to like black people or LGBTQ persons. So to constantly lean on women -to -men relationships leave out many partner dynamics and also just really limits women -to -men’s ability to relate to one another because every day there’s another stereotype or belief being promoted about the ways in which men and women interact or should interact. When I think it should just be this is how a partner of ANY gender should behave in a partnership. So I think leaving society out of relationships is important because it removes the equality and safety that should be present in healthy relationships because sociopolitical aspects make love hard.
@@christenbass380 I think you have the wrong idea. I am giving an explanation as to why men and women may act a certain way. No one is trying to not hold people accountable or say that all people of a certain group are this way and that is the end of it; that is an assumption on your end.
It is impossible to completely separate society and culture from our development. We all go into relationships with preconceived notions and assumptions. The responsibility is to practices introspection, improve on ourselves to understand the forces that may lead to our behavior. That is where counseling that you mentioned can comes in to play.
All I am
Yesssss!!!!! Agreed. I think many people need to go study what emotional intelligence is. They are getting things mixed up. 😍
Being equally yoked is so important 👏
It's a delicate balance
Very relatable
The root causes can stem from “emotionally unavailable “ caregivers or experiencing emotional neglect in childhood. There’s millions if not billions that can connect to this from this due to societal norms , family dynamics of learned behaviors or even inherently emotional abuse
I hope these great messages don’t fall on deaf ears
He never disappoints 🔥🔥🔥
Yo help me out....what's his name? I can't seem to find it even in these videos
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 say it louder for the people in the back 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
a complaint/
a statement that a situation is unsatisfactory or unacceptable.
You are right 💯💯👑👑👑 keep it real 💯💯 and keep it moving 💯💯
My idea of emotional intelligence is having insight into your own emotions, command of your reactions, and the ability to think through illogical thoughts and feelings. Emotions can be unfair and irrational but it’s no one’s job to undermine how someone else feels - conversely, you can’t walk around ‘happening’ to people because you feel some kinda way. EI toward others is just empathy and compassion.
Tripp always preaching 👏🏼
He's making perfect sense. All I wanna know is what happens when the shoe is on the other foot. And what I say, my expressions get used against me???
I agree, period! "Ask and you shall receive", lol.😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤❤
No lies detected!💯💯
DAMN, Powerful message. LISTEN... Is a different type of vibes. A amazing one. Facts 💪😎
Well said, brother. 👊😎
He’s BLESSED I thoroughly enjoyed this. 🙏🏾
This brother spitting!!
Wow. Thanks bro
Someone gives this dude a medal
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 real talk. Lol. 💥💥💥
"Somebody cry" Proof women cry when they are losing the argument
Facts king!!!!
This is GOOD!! 💙👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
What he’s talking about is asking a man to express himself, then using your emotional response to make him feel bad about how he feels. It is expressly trying to shut down his emotional communication by teaching him that his emotions are wrong or unacceptable to you.
He comes up to you and says, “Babe, I’m scared of this surgery I have coming up, I’m worried, can we talk?” and you say “You’re scared? How do you think I feel? I need you to be the strong one!” That’s teaching him that *he cannot show fear that he feels.* Because you can’t handle it.
Or if he says, “I get anxious when you go hang out with those girlfriends at the club, because I always see pictures of you with all these guys flirting with you.” And you start to cry and say “Don’t you trust me? You don’t love me any more!” to make him *apologize for having feelings.*
These are ways women use their own emotional responses to shut down a man’s willingness to communicate.
If you want to encourage him to express himself you can validate his feelings without agreeing with them. “It’s okay to be scared about this surgery. It’s a big deal. We’ve got good doctors and they’re going to do their best.” or “I understand that this makes you anxious. I don’t want you to worry about us, because I’m not going to cheat on you. There may be guys there, but I’m just going for my friends and not for the guys. You can trust me.”
This is basically the same emotional work that men get asked to do all the time. “Do I look fat in this?” or “I think my co-worker hates me, she always gives me these looks.” or “I hate my sister! Did you hear what she said about our daughter? I know she was making a comment on XYZ.” And we have to go “those jeans aren’t very flattering but you’re still beautiful, that must be really frustrating about your co-worker, I’m sorry to hear about what your sister said, let’s make sure our daughter doesn’t take it to heart.” We have to navigate this stuff all the time: why can’t you?
This the one!!!! Because one thing is fasho about me!!! I’m gone express myself! 🤷🏾♂️
Sweet Baby Black Jesus!!!! Everything he said was 💯💯💯💯
Factsssssssssssssss 🙏🏿👑
I love this guy! He says alot of true things
I’m too ready!!
Emotional intelligence isn’t the same as being overly emotional
Exactly! But you know, for some people they only judge character and emotions on a "black or white" scale. You either too emotional or not emotional enough. Not knowing there is a "middle" ground of well "balanced" emotional intelligence that knows WHEN and HOW to convey and converse very much needed emotions on a masculine level. I think, not knowing when and how to express needed emotional intelligence could be a major setback on the full potential of a marriage or relationship. To me, most relationships and marriages have a huge emotional "gap," that is tolerated or substituted with other things, but yet is still an emotional emptiness that you can actually feel the void that needs to be "bridged" through learning "EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE."
- As a matter of fact, emotional intelligence is one of the main lessons from a professional marriage/relationship counselor.
So he was talking about you. Got it. 😂😂😂😂
@@cjohnson_ that part
If you want a perfect unicorn go to heaven
Being “overly emotional” comes from somewhere. And if you truly love a man, you’d try to understand that and help him heal. I digress, be blessed.
On point.
As a man who has been married for 20+ years. This video articulates VERBATIM what I am dealing with. I could tell the story, but it would be too long on this thread. But just know. This man is 1000% correct. And to the young men on this thread. I'll say this. VET YOUR WOMAN PROPERLY!!! Find out what her traumas have been BEFORE you commit to her. So that she does not try to lump you in with the other men who ACTUALLY caused her trauma. Have her go to therapy to work through her past issues. Because if you don't. And you commit to that woman without her having addressed her past issues. She won't have a problem (when you get into an argument) putting you in the same category.
Good advice, but nah, forget all that. Just find someone without all that trauma. No need for the aggravation..
Whoa he spit that 🔥
I tell my woman this all the time
This man here gets me everything!! No lies detected 🤷🏾♀️😂
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 PREACH!!!
He got a point dis time ☝🏾
Always 💯 listen to him all day
No lies told.
Oooo ladies he just pulled our cards! 😮
Facts brv
When women say this it’s usually selfish and they usually mean they don’t want a quiet serial killer type of man, who is patient whenever they have an emotional meltdown or want to gossip🤷🏽♂️
Speak that truth sir
Fact's 🔥
👏 the reason most women don’t care unless it’s for themselves is selfishness
Some women don't want an emotionally intelligent man. They just heard someone else say it at the hairdersser.
🤣🤣🤣
I gotta know, bring it on baby 🦋
That is an understatement. Well said God!!!
That's true but I'm very self aware of who I am. And a like to hear the opinions of what my man say period. Because for me it says I am a Woman of growth not a woman of convenience for myself.
That was awesome. Tt
Real tears 😭😭 lol
big facts!!!
I really like Tripp, I'm new here but he's been spitting facts thus far.
Agree. At the end of the day its not how emotionally intelligent a man is if it doesnt fit her needs… but how intelligent he is in understanding his partners love language, that way he could serve him the right emotional response and support.
If you're dealing with that type of situation, then that's not a woman who's realized full emotional intelligence. That's someone who maybe wants a partner to hold space for their emotions, but has no history or intentions of holding space for their partner's or a man's emotions