Video nenà dostupné.
Omlouváme se.
How To Gaslight Your Partner : Psychopathic Narcissist
Vložit
- Äas pÅ™idán 14. 08. 2024
- In this Shocking video, You will learn firsthand from a "Narcissist" 😉 how Gaslighting takes place, NOT just a surface area understanding, but rather a deep dive, Enjoy.
â–¬
🔴 New Course: Narcissistic Cults Decoded
www.richardgra...
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
00:07 | Gaslighting
00:13 | Fake Moral Outrage
00:56 | How The Victim Reacts
01:30 | RAGE
02:20 | Plant the Thoughts
02:50 | What Shock Does
03:40 | Molding the Mind
04:58 | A Cup of?
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🔴 Get your free "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" Course now at:
www.spartanlif...
📖 Purchase "A Cult of One":
www.amazon.com...
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Follow Richard Grannon:
🔔 SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE:
www.youtube.co...
✚ TIKTOK:
/ richardgrannon0
✚ INSTA:
/ richard.grannon
✚ FACEBOOK:
/ richard.grannon.sparta...
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE.
ALL RE-ENACTMENT CONTENT IN THIS VIDEO IS STRICTLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES
PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#narcissist #cptsd #abuserecovery
Loving the role play in the recent videos, someone’s got their creative juices flowing and doing things a bit differently, me like it 🙂 And now I’ll just sit back and count how many people in the comments will be asking is Richard a Narc??! 😂😂😂
He is. This is absolutely real.
@@AngelKrystalStar Aaaah, so now we’re all gaslighting and creating havoc in the comment section, we all Narcs, what fun 🤣🤣🤣
@@mikkamb6955 lol I guess you missed Sam Vaknin hey?! They were friends. He explains. Ya'll just don't want to believe
@@AngelKrystalStar So Richard is a recovering Narc?
So glad I read the comments 😅I really just panicked and had a “wtf how did I fall for this!†And thought, “this whole time I thought he was so helpful and amazing and he’s been a narc the whole time!!???â€
With a covert narc instead of rage you have the intense insistence that you are mistreating them and then they leave you because you’re so terrible…. Only to come back a week later because they’re so kind and want to forgive you….. rinse and repeat…
Are you the matrix? A bit too close for comfort I don’t even know what to write. Did you have cameras at my old apt? Wtf
Another thing they pull is if you get rid of them because the last intolerable incident they did. They develop selective amnesia and try to rewind time to right before you got rid of them only to show up like your long lost best friend. They act shocked you’re not happy to see them and have no idea why you would be upset with them
Damn girl! You nailed it!
@@violetskye6863 Yesss! You also nailed it!
So accurate
Watching this video activated a feeling of panic I didn't know I still had.
For me too…felt the freeze response through me with pins and needles throughout my body as I listened, it triggered my Brian and body and took me right back. I’m a tear and a half out and seeing a trauma therapist thank god now …highly recommend this as feels like there are two things needed - the understanding of what has happened to you as people like Richard give to us and also the means to to excess and heal ourselves ..so try to re-set our brain chemistry so that we don’t have to have these PTSD responses any more ..good luck with your healing journey
O my god same here just commented literally
â¤
I had no idea a narcissist could give me PTSD. I've been so broken.
Bruh same I felt like all of the sudden my whole life was a lie and every self damaging experience I ever had was because of someone. But also I feel conflicted about that narrative.
I recently had a Narc try this whole trick on me... I laughed while standing my ground and told him "you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes" and kept laughing. He raged even more bc I wasn't shocked and didn't react the way he thought I would. Then he tried to guilt trip me, I laughed more... he paused and asked me why I was laughing, lol. I told him "Because your transparency is funny af, try another trick bc this one isn't working"... He wallowed for weeks in his narc injury. When he finally came back around, I asked him if he he liked the stupid prize he'd won? He said NO and rolled his eyes at me... I said "well, I have more stupid prizes to hand out", lol. I'm now immune to these types of tricks and have plenty of stupid prizes = narc injury to hand out, lol
i did the same thing with a guy that I had dated years ago! LOL! My subborn Taurus nature kicked in and saved me when he claim that he didn't remember certain/important things that I had told him when I know I did! So I would comment back about how he was getting old and losing his memory! He didn't like that at all. Once I started reading up on this kind of behavior, then I really knew how to handle the idiot. Yeah, they really don't like it when they can see how you're not responding to their stupid behavior. WINNING!!!
@@carladerise4270 Yes girl.... WINNING!!!
@@beverlykrichardson since you knew his trucks did you stay with him? Just curious. Sounds like you have great boundaries
@@CT-oc3qh We worked together and he was transferred to another department, so I don't have to deal with him on a reg basis.
One thing my narcs taught me…. When someone responds with moral outrage, I freaking KNOW I caught them in a lie. Can’t throw me off the scent anymore. I KNOW.
It's like some sick form of deflection!
@@itchyscratch3829 exactly that 💯
Oh Yeah! That's totally the moment to push the Record button on your cell phone...(but check your States Laws first...) All though It's the Narcissist's choice's & tactics to do Whatever It Takes to evade RESPONSIBILITY. At all costs. (This is my X's favorite from of shutting me down). It's 100% deflection, and usually followed by long drawn out blame. Whatever backwards storybook of past events (that I caused) to have forced her to...Get Busted. *I call this The Verbal Knife Fight.*. You can either follow them down their path, but (only because they give up Way more information about themselves and their plans for you) ...but engaging this Narcissistic child (in this situation) means that you are capable of shutting off, or ignoring a bunch of normal brain function. In my own hindsight... This is the point when Grown-ups or Parents better be taking notes! PS. Regardless of your state Law... If your Narcissist uses this tactic & freak's out on you. Possibly threatening Thier own life, or getting physically.... My opinion is to Record Then Anyway! (YOU are being Attached!).
Probably multiple recordings of separate events would be my advice... (These recordings should not be used as leverage, or to intimidate your spouse or partner! They will not change or fix themselves!) My guess is that they might even consider your demise, but definitely multiple plans to destroy you.... They are Far better at destroying people then you are!
PSS. Hopefully you won't hire a female Lawyer in Trolley Square. On the 3rd floor to represent you during your divorce... while trying to save your own kids from your emotionally 5 year old ex-wife.
This!!
My mum did this all my life and it took me until I was in my 40's before I actually realised that I hadn't done anything wrong and there wasn't something wrong or unloveable about me. She actually used to scream ''nobody's going to love you!, the family all talk about you behind your back and so do your friends and ther parents!'' (I'd be about 7/8 years old and this response was for things like forgetting to put somthing away or pleading her not to be violent toward my dad) It was somewhat bitter sweet thinking of all those wasted years of never doing or trying things I wanted to do because I didn't think I deserved it, tolerating toxic relationships and trying to give myself value with sickening amounts of people pleasing,... It's also understanably easy to get stuck in the anger of 'what could have been' but it's not helpful ; for me, the best thing was to say goodbye to the past and the anger that it caused and to be grateful for the truth and move forward with it. I have no idea why, but I pictured the truth as being in a box that I finally opened and it gave me a great deal of peace. It's not an easy process and theres a lot of pain and anger on the journey, but once you reach a certain point, you look back and realise how far you've come and how strong it made you. You'll still get the odd tearful day or angry moment and you still have to check yourself for that fawning and people pleasing stuff, but there's a sense of peace about things now that I didn't have before.
I hope I can get to that place you are at. My parents told me 2 years ago when I was 47 that they couldn’t love me because I was a difficult child. I don’t know how to unbelieve that.
​@@kaynock1585 I feel you.
I'll share few thoughts that I find helpful.
1. Your parents are not your creators, but only co-creators with God.
They created your biological body, but it is the divine spark of God/Spirit/light that expresses Trough you.
2. So we could say that it was the divine spark of God who they found "too difficult" too love.
3. Why is that?
4. I assume your parents are emotionally immature, so they simply failed to unconditionally love & accept their own child. (Emotionally immature parents CAN'T comprehend the fact that a child is NOT a doll/toy they can mould according to their wishes)
5. Your parents were THIS way before you were born, so there's nothing wrong with you. It's not your fault. It's your parents who failed...to be parents.
6. The belief they have about you, is THEIR personal opinion. From their point of view it's the "truth". But it's not the Ultimate Truth.
The Ultimate Truth is, that you ARE lovable just the way you are. Simply because you exist.
Learn about yourself, create own moral philosophy & list of own values. Think about your positive traits & achievements etc. Do not skip shadow work.
This will help you to SEE yourSelf trough your own eyes - not trough your parents eyes anymore. Good luck 😊
@@Wedunka wow that is so kind. Thank you ðŸ™ðŸ» I was the scapegoat child of narcissistic parents. It’s taken 47 years for me to finally learn that and now I have some understanding, I can begin to work on healing and recovery. They are 80 now and I still help them but they never miss an opportunity to tell people how hard/difficult/bad/terrible/naughty I am.
I’m only looking after them because it’s what Jesus would do and I’m a practicing Christian. One day Monique, I will be vindicated. Thank you for your wise words and encouragement.
@@kaynock1585 ALL children are naughty and difficult, especially pre-school kids because they’re still learning how to behave! Parental love should be unconditional regardless of whether the children have been playing up. I have two sons a year apart and they would drive me up the wall with their antics, I’d get exasperated at them but at no point did I ever stop loving them, they’re now two kind, decent and lovely young men. With respect, your parents sound like they blamed you for their lack of patience, lack of parenting skills and incredible selfishness. I’m sure you were a very lovable little girl. There’s a technique I used, where you imagine the child version of yourself, and tell that child what she needed to hear… if you Google it Im sure you’ll get a much better explanation than I’ve given. It’s not easy but it does get better, and there’s lots of us out there so you’re not alone, you’re stronger than you think. Richie’s vids got me through the majority of my issues so I’d highly recommend. I’m the biggest wuss so if I can get through it anyone can! Good luck 🤞â¤ï¸
@@Wedunka thank you, I don’t think anyone ever gets 100% cured from Narcissistic abuse but faith was a big part of my healing. Life gives us good days and bad days, I just try to learn from the bad days and appreciate the good ones â¤ï¸
So relieved that I'm not going nuts & someone understands what I'm going through! 😢
Life’s to short to tolerate this behaviour
So this was what was happening? Good to know. It took 45 years to get out and every day I sit and listen to the peace and quiet.
How did we stay so long … mine was 40 years of this, though covertly … peace is right!
Honestly Richard, this was the best yet. It literally touched my soul with the reality of the sadism and pure evil of gaslighting. This truly helped me on my path to healing. â¤ï¸ðŸ™
The first few weeks with my narcissistic partner, I said I had just one rule for relationships, never ask me for money.. he exploded with rageful indignation’how could I?!!’ ‘How dare I imply!! ‘ it totally knocked me into shock I was stunned and apologised profusely.. years later of endless money problems and discovering he owed tens of thousands.. yep
The bigger the indignation.. the more you can be sure they are manipulating you ‘he that duty protest too much’..
Yes. Another way of looking at it is it's usually a huge red flag when someone "reacts very badly" to you setting a simple personal boundary.
I was with someone for 11 years, only years into the relationship I found out he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as a teenager. I had no idea what that meant. Went through the rages, physical and mental abuse, numerous affairs on his side. It was only when I got out of it that I realised I had become a mindless zombie. One of my biggest battles now still is that when I am confronted with any type of conflict, my anxiety reaches peak level and I shut down. Even if it a random couple on the street arguing, I have to get away. That's why the 2nd covert narc zoned in on me. Love bombed me like crazy, never fought with me, was wonderful to my children. Whole time I was thinking...wow this must be what a normal relationship must look like. Took me 4 years to figure out his main manipulation was with sex. Guilted me into it, if I said no he would warn me that I would lose him. Once pretended I had a migraine (I do suffer from them) all he did was throw painkillers at me and an hour later came to ask me whether I was ready. I just said no, so he went his whole sulky self and again warned me. At that point I really just didn't want him to even touch me anymore. It was just too much, he was so proud of the fact that he could literally go for hours and I just couldn't do it every night anymore. So he eventually discarded me for a 28 year old...he is 48. He is her problem now. Good luck girl!
Good on you, you stood up for yourself.
Very strong of you to break out of itðŸ™
That is so awful beautiful sister, no woman, no person deserves to be treated and defiled that way.
My ex threatened the same and then tried to initiate, and I was shaking and crying, because I didn’t know if I would have to defend my own life and possibly end his, that day.
But, how be it 🙂God delivered me then, as He has delivered you, Amen. I am so touched seeing your story and the other sisters and even brothers on their journey of healing.
I feel sorry for this young lady, and I pray no other young/ naive ladies or young men are pulled into this hellish relationship cycle which only produces unnecessary hurt and pain.ðŸ’
ðŸ’🌈I am so happy that you broke free of that satanic cycle.✨💪✨
✅That you prioritized yourself, and your body, which are sacred, as commanded by The Most High God.
You are a treasure, and if you ever want another relationship, after you heal, recover, and ever feel ready,
I pray that God Almighty bring you a kind and stable man, who will respect you, and your feelings, and be generous in love with you, truly.🌿🌺🌿
@Louise Venter…I feel your pain & can relate to almost everything U said. I was married for 23yrs to a Narc turned Psychopath. I believe that in time we will both calm down with the anxiety that probably stems from triggers from the past. Chin up. Find good friends. Lovers come in time. Be cautious with your boundaries & serve your children first. Always. 💕
It’s interesting how the manipulation just makes you not want them.?
Boy you’re good. You almost sent me into a ptsd episode. If they fly off into a shaking screaming rage, foaming at the mouth, perhaps I should assume they have rabies and call animal control to put them down 🤷â€â™‚ï¸
Lmao
My x raged like that! Black eyes, gnashed teeth, foaming at mouth.
No one could ever convince me it's not a demonic spirit manifesting through them.
Yeah that was scary lol
That is a perfect response to these people. Calmly speak “ do we need to call animal control?â€
@@IMHip2 haha😂 someone get the tranquilizer dart gun !
This is the video to send to family/friends who are enablers, deniers, flying monkeys or just plain ignorant when they witness one of these events and want to try to make BOTH the victim and the Narcissist equally at fault. They need to think back and ask which one responded like the PTSD suffering real victims and which one was instigating the event and acting offended over something bizarre no one could really explain was worth the explosion. Only one was actually victim and the other was getting SUPPLY! This helps give insight to behavior patterns and how the abuse plays out and continues. It is not an argument gone nuts it is emotional and psychological and neurological ABUSE. It's wicked and as a CPTSD sufferer you are helping people to see they are actually victims of trauma and deserve a way forward, compassion and help. Also, include a video on reactive abuse because after this pattern gets super ingrained in a victim they can jump to the explosion to get the process over with quicker and try to defend themselves in a way that appears to be rage but really is not. They don't get upset about trivial things, they just see the process unfolding and try to scare off the gaslighting behavior in a pre emptive way. Reactive abuse is a real thing and it usually means the victim sped things up so the perpetrator could get the supply they were after faster and then will get calm and smug and leave them alone sooner. It's a defense mechanism akin to fawning that looks like fighting but is not (in terms of flight, fight, freeze, fawn or befriend). I just wanted to add this because it's a crucial component to this behavior and identifying what's really happening to the person with PTSD and not the one playing victim in this moment of deliberate crazy making.
"the other was getting SUPPLY"
Attention. Just attention. Narcissists are just attention-whores, so "supply" is a buzzword that medicilize and somehow uplift them. Would be better just to call them attention-whores. Narcissists is too poetic name for them.
My ex told me she used to yell and scream but she must of had to many bad experiences, so some how she learnt to be passive aggressive. To me passive aggressive is more damaging because there’s no obvious abuse
I just realised that invasion on my brain by shock started from day ONE. I remember exact situation. Another piece of the puzzle. Thank you Richard
Nice act Richard,
Oscar 🆠for the main character.
One way my narc tried to overcome his insecurity was reading: The Art of Being Right by Schopenhauer.
He used the explained techniques on me and others. He won the arguments until I found his book. After then I let him win or I didn’t engage with the fight simply every time I loved him less until he even noticed the difference. Obviously it was too late. If I am the smartest in the room, then I am in wrong room. Why? Because there’s nobody that can teach me something. If you are always right people will only pretend that you are always right and will find the way to
a) abandon you
b) a cold revenge.
What makes ya think he's just acting ??? 🎬
Seriously, he is great here!
@@CMDoreOTR It was borderline creepy, hoping it wasn't a deep dark reveal.
@@xenatron9056 for real. In the end if the information is correct it probably doesn't matter. 🤷â€â™€ï¸
Truthfully the conman and conwoman is the most believable person you'll ever meet at first. So yeah, he could be.
@@mirzamay it was just creepy to be totally disengaged to someone doing that to you, while watching it and feeling it all to be so real and true. He did a good job.
This is so familiar. Usually they commit the transgression, create the conflict and shoot off multiple rounds, then they suddenly flip the reality switch and accuse you of firing the first bullet, mercilessly berating you until you admit that the gun has your finger prints all over it. If you don't confess to their crimes the tirade could last for hours and be revisited for years. Do not walk away - run.
Yup. They bait you to ‘slip up’ then use that to hook you into deeper shame and seek to use as evidence to rationalise ‘your’ prior behaviour and to provide a justification to explain why they are behaving the way they are and that they are entitled to be morally outraged thereby seeking to confirm and validate you are in the wrong and are this awful ‘thing’.
These people are empty people and like you said are best to be avoided entirely.
I lived this with a real narcissist and it was hell. I've noticed that when politicians play these games, I get triggered. It took me a few years to figure out that that was what was triggering me.
Yes, politicians trigger me as well. It's scary how many of them are truly mentally ill and evil.
And main stream media trigger me. Total continuous gas lighting.
I know! I used to get triggered when people start discussing/arguing about politics. I had no idea what was going on in me. I now think that it's because of the similarities between political situations and relationships in my family. Is that something you can relate to?
@@eeaglllee
Yes and I can’t really discuss politics with my sister. She just keeps saying old “ conspiracy theories “ even though I’ve been proved right about vaccine stuff( won’t name it hereâ€.)
And I’m pretty sure main stream media is pushing war propaganda. I just don’t discuss it anymore. Keeps me sane and still on good terms with her.
@@gerry4281 well, it's an emotional thing for sure. I also think mainstream media feeds negativity/fear/division to people
Just what my ex husband did, minus the shouting. Now co parenting and he does it regarding my parenting of the children. I've been called abusive, entitled, selfish and I just freeze and then spiral into believing it.
When I defend myself I get told I'm aggressive and a narcissist.
I'm finally reaching out for family support but even that has made been labelled selfish and entitled.
You can never win. And to the outside world, they are amazing.
I hate it. Other than my children, nothing good came from out marriage. And to be honest... I can see my eldest boy starting to be influenced by his father and his attitude towards me.
Sorry to everyone who has gone through this/ or is going through it.
♥ï¸
â¤
Same here! When I started sticking up for myself (after finding out he's a porn/sex addict with anger issues) I'm told I'm aggressive. It's his favorite word. I refute it every time he says it and say, No, I'm sticking up for myself.
I found it very helpful to mentally prepare every time I knew I would see him. Put armor on. Talk only about kids. Parallel parenting, cannot coparent. Also learn counter manipulation so you can get his cooperation when you need it for the kids. Dr Grande has a good video on that. My kids are almost fully grown. It will get better. Just be the rock for your kids.
@@lazycatdayz4ever905 thank you for your comment, it gives me hope. I will definitely go look at your recommendation, thank you 😊
Wow, I've just realised how greatful I am to my narcissits. It's like someone who helps you grow wings by pushing you down the cliff. They don't enjoy so much watching me fly above their head now... Last thing I said to a narc was "keep hitting me, come on, you've no idea what a huge favour you are doing to me." Don't be afraid of ptsd cause when you recover you've become a superhero!
This reminds me of the last time I was with my ex-narcissist. He started with the nitpicking that escalated to him raging about everything he found inadequate in me, the dinner I prepared and my home. Something in me snapped and I decided to not take his crap anymore.
Me, calmly: You aren't tied to that chair. No one is holding a gun to your head, and the front door is unlocked. I suggest you get up and use it.
Narcissist: *Moment of stunned silence, then he shouts* Are you telling me to leave? You are so rude and graceless! I don't know why I waste my time on you!
Me, still calm: So don't. Now leave before I throw you out. *walks to front door and opens it*
Narcissist, screaming: Are you threatening me? Do I need to call the police?
Me, has phone in hand: Let me dial 911 and we'll let the police figure it out.
Narcissist: Storms out shouting every four and five letter word he knows.
Me: Closes door, locks and deadbolts it shut.
I never saw him again. I guess he figured out he overplayed his hand that time because he knew I didn't need to take his crap anymore.
Ugh. I love this 👌🻠but it also makes me sad to truly realize how broken I was to put up with this behavior for as long as I did…. This is everything I wish I would have said 7 years earlier. Of course it was very subtle (until it wasn’t) … but glaring red flags were ALWAYS there, I just explained them away by projecting my own empathy/compassion/morals onto him… strange how they like to berate you & try to make you feel awful about your home when they don’t even have their own & are living off you… 🥸 Crazy how alike they all are as well!
Lay thing they want? A third party involved. Especially one with authority, like a cop or lawyer.
I smiled when I read this, you are one of the strongest people! I know I am a stranger, but I am so proud of you. My narc ex cornered me in the grocery store that I usually go to. Started telling me how miserable he is with the new supply he left me for, how he misses me and I just stood looking at him and thought: "What in the world did I ever see in you?". When he was done I just said to him: "That sounds awful, good luck with that." The look on his face was quite comical. He tried to grab my arm as I walked away and started to raise his voice. Luckily the security guard in the shop and the manager knows me. They walked up to him, told him to leave and the security guard finished my shopping with me, helped me pack it in my car and made sure I was safe. Bless all the good people out thereðŸ™
@@ktwhimsy6946 I know exactly what you mean. My first was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as a teenager, but I didn't know what that meant. Went through 11 years of emotional and physical abuse. As you say though, I got the two most beautiful and perfect daughters from that. Then when I finally found the strength to kick him out. Ran straight into the arms of a covert narc. He was charming, made me feel like the most beautiful woman, treated my kids like his own. For 4 years I overlooked the red flags and explained them away because he is a wonderful person right? My mom passed away and I saw just how little he really cared for my pain. I started pulling away from him and he found a new victim and left me for her. Now I am living for my kids and myself and things are getting better everyday🌹
OMG I love that! Brilliant
Jeez. This is too accurate. That's exactly how it works. But to be fair, when they turn the nice and normal back on and expect you to go along with it, they don't tend to realise that they've done almost too good a job, cause whilst you're busy deluding yourself with them during the day, your guard comes down at night time and those disturbing dreams and nightmares creep into bed with you to remind you, that you're dealing with some negative energy to put it mildly. And in my case, I listened to my dreams. I tried to be friends ish after,to appease, to hope. But any time we'd been in touch, any time I thought for a brief minute that things were normal, my dreams would tell me otherwise. The screaming, the darkness, the confusion had made it so I couldn't ever let it go. And all attraction goes out the window too. Once you see the monster.
Oh my God!
This is an emotional flashback to the time I accidentally swiped a napkin from the restaurant after we just had dinner. While walking to the car, I noticed it was in my purse, and I pulled it out and while laughing, I said " oh my gosh, what kind of person steals a restaurant napkin? "
It was then, that all of holy hell was unleashed on me. He didn't speak to me for six days after he vomited his rage all over me.
I was so confused, but I'll be damned if I didn't return the next day with that napkin to the same restaurant and profuse apologies
Thank goddess , those days are long over
😮😮😮
Glad it’s over. A normal guy would have just giggled with you about the napkin ! Geez maybe the napkin thing is a good way to test for a narcissist !
This reminds me of Muriel's Wedding, when her mother is caught leaving a supermarket, forgetting she tried on some cheap slippers. She's arrested and the philandering narc father jumps on the opportunity to unleash a hypocritical moral tirade.
I look at these incidents, as glory from the heavens. What a good fortune to have this future, highly toxic and crazy making relationship, end when it did. 50 ways!!!!
My ex did this a lot, in hindsight the selective amnesia was so obviously self-serving but I didn't dare call her on it - everything was obviously all my fault, and questioning anything would lead to screaming tantrums.
Manipulative circus clowns...ugh, they are so repulsive in their fakeness. This was a superb teaching tool Richard. You're a great actor, even got the glib, evil satisfaction of gained narcissistic supply down perfectly.
Thankyou, smug glib smirking and self congratulatory chuckling. We’ll do this again 👌 I’ll get better at it
@@RICHARDGRANNON
I don’t think that you are acting Richard ðŸ‘
Just my humble opinion.
I hope I’m wrong, you have helped me so much in my recovery from narcissistic abuse & understanding CPTSD.
For that I thank you ðŸ™ðŸ»
As a child, if I caught my narcissistic mother lying and I expressed doubt regarding the story she was telling me, she would have a rage fit and yell at me: "How dare you not to believe me?! Are you telling me I am a liar? I am deeply, deeply hurt you could even have this idea! You are such an ungrateful daughter! I will never trust you again!!!! I am very, very disappointed in you...." And on and on. At the end the icecold stare, to make sure she had finished me off for good. Did she know what she was doing? Oh yes, she did. How many times did it happen, I don't remember. Amazing that I did survive, and amazing that I stayed true to myself and recognized a lie when I was confronted with it. Throughout my whole life. I can say that now, but there were times where I would doubt myself too and got into trouble because of it. There was work to do. Eventually encountering the term "gaslighting" was a revelation to me. This was very well presented. Gave me the shivers, Richard!
Boy I'm glad my parents don't go on CZcams, cause they would be taking notes!😉😅😅😅
This was so incredibly spot on, I felt nauseous. It’s so controlling, so suffocating. Hideous -so glad I’m out of it and healing beautifully 😘
Suffocating is the right word. I find it very very hard to explain what I have been through, I mean I could name a few situations from things that happened but I can’t express the real hurt, the pure anguish he made me feel. I can not explain this to others. I think only persons who have been through this exact situation will understand the depth of that wounding. I think suffocating is spot on.
This was intense. I think this is the 1st video I've ever seen that made me understand I was gaslit. I was fully immersed in this and everything you did triggered a "holy shit" .. and what you did at the end drinking that coffee just drinking it up and loving it speaks volumes. I have a hard time associating the narcissist with the person I recognize. I literally have separated him as if one is the guy I know and one is the guy I dont and because of this I found myself so happy to see him when "he was back" and quickly trusted him again cos hes not the other guy. Its the weirdest thing. But I also would end up thinking each time "he came back" that I over thought the whole thing and never did I see him truly understanding what he was doing, I always saw it as more of something that the narcissism takes over and its not him and he's not aware of what he's doing .. but I felt this to the core. You playing that out forced me to see that guy with those intentions very aware of what he's doing, looking right at me, saying what he's thinking to my face.. no escaping, no chance to come to my own conclusion of excuses for him...referencing all those situations but with him telling me exactly what he was doing, WAS the truth of who he IS. Please do more like this cos I think its going to help alot of us who are really struggling to accept this
Folks, Richard is only playing a role here as a way of explaining gaslighting.
I’ve had this happen to me many times. The last time it happened was with a contractor I was working for. He went into a full rage and was accusing me of trying to steal his customers. We got along great before that. It really messed me up for a bit. A lot of solitude and realizing that those were never my intentions. I think he felt on the back foot as you put it because I was crushing the work he needed done, I was making his customers really happy and I had just invested in a bunch of new fancy tools as well as having built myself a new portable work bench. I really appreciate the play by play you did here. Been subscribed to you for many years and am still learning.
It looks like she might have been trained by you 22 years ago, by watching this very video. And the cuppa at the end is also quite accurate, being offered a cup of tea sometime after an event and things have "settled", as if nothing happened. Now I know it is a victory celebration! By the way, my heart rate is still up there!
Mein Got Richard.. like staring at their playbook.
Their mastery (until we're onto them) is their ability to convince us that "the thing" they're accusing us of .. is the most wicked and vile thing a human being could do. They actually bring the deed to that level. So to me, their defenses split us black the moment their narcissism picks up on a threat... Real or perceived.. and before you know it, they're onto convincing you to go to to therapy.. because God knows they're giving you another chance... ;-)
- brilliant lightbulb moment.
Thanks mate
Word for word what you said!
ðŸ™ðŸ™ðŸ™
That feeling of being given another chance is palpable you believe it they have you convinced you are worthless and no one wants you besides them but on their conditions and you must be grateful for any little grain they bestow upon you to the point that you will give up yourself for the breadcrumbs of 💩
I'd love to hear you do the vulnerable narc version.
You just said something that I don't like and offended me. Now you must be shredded emotionally for months/years/always. Love it and so true.
Wow, had I not spent so much time listening to you over the years, this video would have triggered me into a pitiful, people pleasing, apologizing, mental mess. Great way of describing the process and the science behind it, as well as the motivations and perspective of the abuser.
Richard, I so appreciate the years you have devoted to this subject. The way you have evolved and given us different references and delivery until we decide to do the work on oneself and live fully free in the light, it is brilliant and life saving. Thank you!
You creep me out well, bright dark humor. Respect!
This is a brilliant representation. Thank you for sharing this. I will use this to help my clients. Admittedly, it made me sick to my stomach listening. But that’s it’s brilliance.
When that happened I used to think it was like someone was punching my brains over and over. The next day after one of this sesions I always felt completely numb (mind and body) and the only thing I wanted is redemption and forgiveness.. and went back for more! I´ve learned to accept how naive and stupid I was, it is the only way to began to heal, thank you so much Richard.
I've been subjected to this more times than I could count, by at least two people in my life, and only now do I recognize what it was all about and what tactic it was. Makes me so angry.
This experience with a narcissist has a physical impact on your health. I can only put my health problems back to the time I was dealing with this person. It’s an insidious process. I may be wrong but it’s the only thing I can think happened. My health has deteriorated in a metabolic sense.
Truth. The next step in this repeated behavior pattern is to immediately approach as many people as possible, who they do exert control over, to enact their outrage for them. If the target does not allow themselves to be manipulated into compliance. They do not appreciate people they cannot completely control, and command at will, or convince with gaslighting.
If they cant control a person thats when triangulation and flying monkeys start. Theyll use others to control you . Theylls tell lies to people . Expect word salad. All the shit you can imagine that you see in movies.
This has been happening to me for years. I caught my husband in an emotional affair. He blamed me for everything. I have been watching this channel and have realized that there is nothing I can do to change things, except not care. I have told my husband to just leave many times. He won't. Someday I will be able to get out.
Mine eventually left, yours will too. Even though I wanted him to leave and knew it was the best thing for me and my kids, him leaving still hurt. I still played everything in my head over and over in disbelief that someone could be like that. Then I went into questioning myself and how I allowed it continue for so long. One thing I did the week before he left was just prayed that I was fully ready to find out the truth and see what kind of person he really was. I feel like sometimes we think we’re ready, but we’re not. This time, I was ready!!! I didn’t care if I found out about multiple women or his secret life, I was ready for anything!!! Even if I struggled with money, whatever my fears were, I didn’t care!! I was over it and done!!! I never found out anything he was hiding but I did find out what kind of person he was. He packed up and left the next week after 6 yrs, second week of school starting, all the kids had covid and 4 months after my brother died. It takes a real piece of shit to do that!!! After he made my brothers funeral all about him, I lost any little respect I had for him so it was doomed after that!!! He went to go live with his mom, he’s still there. Our son has medical issues and when he was so sick with covid, crying begging him not to leave; poor thing!! Me and my 3 older kids lost their dad in 2015, so the death of my brother really triggered a lot of things and it was all so traumatizing. I still have to co-parent, but he’s just a big POS!! I have no respect for him at all!!! At least one good thing that came out of it is our son and the invaluable learning experience of being educated about NPD!!!
@@rebeccahowie7234 You will thrive without that leach in your life and so will your kids. Focus on them and provide a stable environment as you can. It took me finding out about the affair to slowly start opening my eyes. I didn't blame myself. I blamed him, no matter what stupid story he came up with. I keep a journal on my phone and passworded. No matter how he lies I have the time, date and what he says. That's been the only way to keep my sanity.
This literally brought back all the anxiety after years of living in this insanity. I’m one year out of the abuse but goodness, I could instantly feel the crazy again.
That’s a extremely good description of that strategy and as a recipient of it it is very jarring and discombobulating to experience.
I think one of the hardest things to accept (as you may have a slight hint of it at the initial moment when it’s happening for the first time and briefly afterwards when things calmed down… The more it happens then you’re not going to have that question the other person expedience as you’ll go straight the prior shock, shame and afraid state) is that yes people behave this way and yes they do it for the reasons you probably think they are doing it for.
I think that can be one of the most challenging hurdles to get over.
Accept this is evil. Allow your perceptions to change of this person and of people’s capacity for evil. Know that although people have evil within them you don’t have to tolerate this and you shouldn’t tolerate it.
Once you see it then leave because this person has proven themselves to be unsafe and you should limit and restrict all contact you can (I know it’s not always easy because some of these people can be bosses, work colleagues, parents in laws, family etc).
A guy did this to me recently. I’m like, “ What the hell?†Thanks for explaining his process.
Glad to help
This seems to be the closest thing to something that everyone who's been with a toxic person has experienced. So extremely on point. Then one can question if it's intentional or just second nature (conditioned because it's worked more times than not) from the toxic person's side. (I think it can be either way/differ from case to case). Sometimes this can also simply be what some people call an "abuse test" - doing something like this early in a relationship to see whether you're susceptible to manipulation and abuse or not. (Pretty much like mail scammers who write really dumb and misspelled letters stating that you have won a million dollars that you'll get as soon as you pay a fee or something like that - the most productive thing to do is weed out those non-dupes at an early stage, haha.)
It's like sick hypnosis!! 😮
The best description of gaslighting I've ever seen.
Thank you for this Video Richard.....I was in a Relationship for nearly 30 years and it took quite a few of those to get Free....I have now which took nearly 8 years. Every word and explanation you have said is True. Terrifying to be on the receiving end and feeling completely 'Trapped' but once the 'Light Bulb Moment' happened I stuck with that belief as I knew I was being True, Real and didn't need to be scared anymore because I had found the Pathway to 'Get Away'
And fought All along until now.....now i'am Safe....in my own little House and can Heal...Find myself again ðŸ™
Great video and great explanation. Thank you. Luckily I learned that when this happens I have to walk away. I am healed enough to feel this response and act rationally knowing that such relationship is not for me.
I have a family member that did this exact thing to me recently. I made the mistake of telling them that I felt bad about a certain situation.
You’re just too convincing Richard. It’s making me nervous!😬🤣
OMG for a moment I though Richard does this, not that this is how a Narcissist walks through their gaslighting process.😅
So weird to see you as the narcissist. Threw me into a bit of confusion initially
Same here.
How F'd up is it that just heating you talk about that behavior, with such mockery in your voice, made my body have a physiological and physical response in response to what my H & mother used to do to me at least 3xs/wk. 😳 It wasn't a full-on emotional flashback, but I definitely felt a tightening in my chest & stomach.
See!!! I intended to say " physical & psychological responce"!!! But instead I wrote "physiological". A physiological responce IS A physical response. I'm happy to say it was just a wrong word choice that this invoked rather than a good old emotional flashback.
This style of video is going to be the only way people truly get the message, and really sit up and pay attention. Great video!
Yes you’ve described it exactly right. Thanks for the validation. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard it described so eloquently and accurately.
You just put all the trauma I've experienced in narcissistic relationships into clear perspective. I knew about gaslighting, but the way you just described it really helped me understand my triggers . Thank you so much for your enlightening and healing videos!
Well done!! 👠This video is terrifying. It reminds me of the horrific revelation I had when reading "Why did he do that?"... this video turns the light on for you and shows you the ABUSE is intentional...mull it over, let it reveal hidden truths to you so you can run from your abuser, and find peace!
Hahaha, love it bro! Having fun & being creative in a crazy narc world!
Brilliant @richardgrannon! That really messed with my head for a minute; great acting. It would be interesting to see this drama enacted from covert narc perspective.
I am LIVING for your dark humour in your videos as I heal from my 7 year narc breakup. He really was drinking in my pain like the big thirsty prick he is. That's enough CZcams for me today, I'm gonna go out into the real world and give my energy to myself. Thanks Richard!!
God help us from these monsters💪ðŸ‹ï¸â€â™€ï¸thank you for what you do!
You are so welcome
None of the tactics ever bothered me . I would just roll my eyes at him and I tell him that I didn’t negotiate with psychos . I always stayed in control of my thoughts
Before my experience, I couldn’t believe that people actually willingly do this. Now, I know some people willingly do this.
That was truly awesome RG.
Add to this that such is done deliberately premeditated habitually and provides the NPD with enjoyment.
That is just unfathomable.
I love the message, but not the new format with the dramatic background noise. Richard, you provide such a wealth of knowledge on narcissism, and I love your videos and find them insightful.
Your delivery is impeccable, Richard.
Hi Richard, pretty scarry video but also very educational. It gives me a very in the moment insight.
Wow. You really have to hate someone to do that to them.
*they are jealous of the real person, something they can never be*
RG…. THANK YOU for explaining what this behavior does to the human mind. It was POWERFUL and LIBERATING. Watching the video brought me RIGHT back to 2014. I’ve been following you since 2015 and have taken (and APPLIED the principles of) your various courses to heal from this type of abuse. I now have a happy marriage with a wonderful man and the memory of the man who abused me fails to stir up the emotions it used to thanks to your teachings.
I occasionally check out your new videos as I know I’ll need to keep up the maintenance. THIS video game me chills. I went through exactly this type of thing over and over. It’s a cruel cycle that the abuser can keep capitalizing on and it is still taking time for my brain to process it. It’s monumentally frustrating to hear people throw around the word “gaslighting†when they have no idea.
Be well my friend. You look strong and healthy and that makes me smile.
Always appreciative. XO
The accuracy of this was a bit uncomfortable to watch, but I love the new flow of creativity! We are learning to fight in this spiritual/psychological war, thank you for leading and teaching us Richard, I appreciate you!
Soooo true. Thank God I saw it all unfolding and got out. They’re so smart, too bad they don’t use it to be of value to the world.
I wonder what would happen if a couple of us played the part of the narcissist as they tried to do this act on one of us, completely ignoring where they want to go with a situation and just respond as they would normally do. We wouldn’t respond TO them we would respond AS them. They have an answer for everything, of course, but it sounds entertaining to be completely detached and simply playing a role for our own amusement.
I did this to my ex narc son in law. I was genuinely enraged by the cruel texts and phone calls he had been sending my daughter which had left her feeling weakened and less than. I waited till he had dropped my grandson off to me and I walked him to his car with my vitriol ringing in his ears. I warned his if he didn’t change his tone when communicating with my daughter I would rip him apart. He couldn’t get away fast enough and his parting shot to me was “you’re nothing but a hypocrite†so I stuck one finger up at him as he sped off. Only to be in full view of the lollipop lady as I nodded to her and walked back down my drive remembering I was in my nightie😒. I seized my moment! What?😂. My daughters texts and conversations are respectful. Job done. Thank you, Richard. Matching their malevolence is a great tactic but only to be used on narcs.
This is what my dad is like whenever he gets proven wrong. Take the tiniest most inconsequential things and then explode like they are the worst atrocities against all of humanity of all time.
Good thing I know how the game works.
Omg this was my relationship for 7 years I broke up with him but I feel like I’m withdrawing from him despite how horrible it was. I keep focusing on how good it was in the beginning. I bet I’m not a thought in his head. I lost myself in this relationship I’m a shell of who I was before I met him. I’m mad at myself
Holy emotional flashbacks Batman! 😮
Thank you for describing how I spent 33 years of my life.ðŸ˜ðŸ˜©ðŸ˜”
IS THIS WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW?! Yeah I'm here for it. 😆
My ex literally tried this. Going Crazy over nothing, but it didn't work very well. 🤪
It's not easy to dwell with these attacks on your sanity and not lose at least a part of yourself by becoming a narcissist, too. Part of my respect for Richard is that he's always been honest about this aspect. I don't think it was particularly good for him to play the part, and doesn't he do it well? He thought of another way to reach people and went with it. We've all been infected with it through this unique mistreatment. Many of us try to not let that devil have a run. I'm glad people's discomfort has brought up the reality we all face. We victims are almost all infected and must be careful of how we treat others and judge ourselves.
I've stumbled on Sam's talk on grief. I now believe I was wrong about abuse being the source of victims becoming narcissists. Fascinating.
Woah you had me there, give that man an oscar 😂😂
ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Brilliant 😮
My ex went into rage when I posted on our community FB page asking about a new bus stop location…. Hells gates opened!!! Apparently I lack vulnerability.. wtf 😂
Wow, it's so good to see that I'm not crazy. This is one of the worst things that they put u through. Thank U for showing the truth
Unable to get that app. I apologize for that. U have a nice evening.
I have a friend who is on the receiving end of what I believe is either subtle gradually building manipulation, BPD or covert narcissism. They’ve been unaware until now (with help from an outsider looking in) that they’ve been groomed into behaving similar to one TO then be accused of it themselves. They’ve questioned themselves and worry about being a monster and made to feel guilty for everything they’ve done.
I’ve told them in my experiences that what usually happens is the manipulator will usually accuse you of things they know they’re deep down guilty of doing first. Kinda like reversing it after engineering it.
It hurts to see someone you know is good go through this and end up a mess.
chilling.. and t.r.u.t.h. Crazy making at its finest. Thanks for this -seeing it from this perspective is very valuable. chilling to the bone!
Briljant! Just what's needed: I litteraly saw this happen with a friend of mine right in frontv9f me her ex went ball8st8c 9ver nothing! Threatening her in front of other people who, apart from me, did nothing. He also actually has other people beleving what she did was wrong...Crazy! This describes exactly that. I'm sharing this vid with her asap. Thank you!
Wow! Yes! That's what they do to us.!
I'm going to try that today.
Thank you. Rick. I've been following your good work for a while.
Sending healing to All those who are trapped in such toxic shit. You are worthy ⤠don't let them or the people around them fool you. Run away from them
my ex didn't rage at me his method was watch me question myself, question myself what i did wrong racking my brain and then he'd laugh at me and call me stupid then he would pick up his phone and pretend to ignore me, then he would follow me around the flat telling me i am always wrong this mostly happened when he was drinking but when he wasn't drinking he would start an argument over nothing then watch me cry and feel helpless. So glad I'm not with him anymore.
You don’t need to do some thing shitty and wait for them to catch you. It is possible to not do any thing wrong, but use this as a way to make people just go away or think you are “insaneâ€â€¦ so they will go away 😂😂😂🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I needed to hear this. Thank you for creating this video. I grew up as the scapegoat of two narcissistic parents and am currently trying to leave a situation with another type of narcissist. For decades, I believed in their love cover. Their use of the word 'love' and the optics of it. They would hurt and dehumanize me, lie to me, lie about me, shred me to ruins and I mostly believed their justifications for it. They would get so outraged. How could that be fake? I must be bad. They would be good sometimes too. They created good optics for others. People told me how wonderful my family was, how lucky I was. The parents told me how lucky I was. I was dirt living with nobility.
Watching this video drove home for me the immense manipulation of their presenting as good. I recognized the fake outrage tactic clearly and all at once and saw the aim of it was to make me bear the brunt of their deep insecurities so they could cultivate their reputations while destroying mine. I've been on the receiving end of this fake outrage and suffered believing that I was the evil one, that I deserved to die because of my inherent evil and offensiveness to other human beings. By showing their enjoyment of this tactic. it drove it all home to me and I'll never fall for it again. Some people masquerade as loved ones and you must walk away from those who do this. They won't stop. You have to be the one to stop it.
Thanks for exposing it.
Im so grateful that I found your channel after I decided to leave my abusive partner a few days ago. The struggle is real when it comes to these types of relationships. You've recreated and spoken about so many of my experiences that it's almost scary watching your videos. I feel like i understand my own pain so much better...the way you explained gaslighting feels like it was based on the script of my life. Thanks for your work and I hope u keep creating content like thisðŸ™ðŸ‘
Only a few days ago? Wow, that's huge! Well done!! How long were you with this person?
Your life is going to get so much better now!
@Izzy Fox Thank you thats nice of you to say! And yes it was a little over two weeks ago that something drastic occurred that made my eyes open wider than they ever had before. It was a wake up call that I needed to to escape the relationship and run like hell from him right now before it was too late. We were together for 3 years; we were engaged at one point, but the toxicity was there from the very very beginning. I remember when I met him I was in a very dark place psychologically. I felt like he entered my life for a reason and made me want to start living and being happy again. He did not do that though...I got myself better In Spite of his constant abuse and torment. I have gone no-contact with him and have retained a restraining order but the harassment, hoovering, fake promises and manipulation attempts are overwhelming to say the least. I know I must be strong and see this break up the whole way through. I'm just glad to be awake and alive; more aware than I have ever been before. Thank you for your support
Diagnosed cPTSD and in trauma therapy. This triggered me bringing me back to cowering in a corner hoping to not be hit. Made myself keep listening, working on moving past the fear. Reminding myself that I am safe now and can defend myself now if need be. I find Richard’s straight talk and Pete Walker’s book on cPTSD recovery really helpful. Can’t avoid the emotions, but can understand and accept them.
I still wake up each morning with DREAD. The difference now is I see it happen and can continue to stay in command of myself. Unfortunately, there's still a lot of violent background music in my brain.
@@MsSedonan it was explained to me that noise is our primitive brain trying to keep us safe by reminding us of danger. Sitting in the pain, letting the voice get louder and allowing yourself to grieve, over time can help. Wishing you the best 🤗
@@lazycatdayz4ever905 thank you for your kind words, I am gently healing as time passes.
3:50 - moulding human mind and spirit - Richard you genius and so insightful
I do not think you can top this description of gaslighting/self induced gaslighting. As I watched this video I felt an immense pain deep inside my soul as if I were reliving the traumatic moments of the relationship I have recently removed myself from for the second, and yes, final time. He coincidentally reached out to me on Sept. 3 2022, the day I had to make the decision to remove my 65 year old mother from life support… and just like that I was immersed in the torture and pain until March 3, 2023. I have gone no contact ( before I did NOT block his number) lesson learned.
Your videos and teachings are bringing so much relief and comfort into my life at this time.
I cannot thank you enough.
Brilliant! This is exactly how it went. Richard, Thank You for helping me crawl out of this trash. You are just Golden.
Brilliant way of describing this. With the drinking out of the mug too. I've experienced this, blaming myself, nervous system completely hijacked. It's gross and performative, not to say their ostentatious rages aren't real... But soooo much of it was performative. I had the unfortunate experience of walking past one of these monsters, simply b/c she stands there all day in the lobby of the building, where it resides, doing exactly what you're describing. I didn't look, but I didn't shrink in the face of it. I *only* look when others are involved, and I'll observe their interaction in passing. More than once I've seen this (insert choice words) screaming , shouting , "HEYYYY HAVE A BLESSED DAY" and either there was literally no one there or a person with huge headphones on, with a shopping cart, startled and giving an awkward wave back. Caught out there.
Wow this was amazing. I love how u make everything so easy to understand & put into perspective to where it makes total sense. My ex did this sh*t all the time. He flipped out & made him being caught cheating & sound drugz into an entire rage session about ME taking his sh*t out the closet and tossing it on the bed to be packed up. He got physical & screamed at me about how he’s never been so disrespected in his life…he hates his things being touched…it was disrespectful blah blah blah & totally ignored the fact he disrespected ME by cheating & bringing drugz into our home.