You're Not Autistic, You're just Privileged.
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- čas přidán 5. 06. 2024
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📹 My Videos mentioned 📹:
Autistic Influencer BULLIED off Social Media: • Autistic Influencer BU...
So you think you might be Autistic...Now What?: • So you think you might...
Does TikTok Think You're Autistic? | 4 Bizarre Autism Tests: • Does TikTok Think You'...
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bertrannajay: www.tiktok.com/@bertrannajay/...
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Vanessa Bobb: / a2ndvoicecic
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📒 Sources 📒:
LJ Truth's Video: www.tiktok.com/@ljtruth/video...
Yuval's video:www.tiktok.com/@yuvaltheterri...
Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28145...
Autistic women and girls: www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-...
The ‘lost generation’ in adult psychiatry: psychiatric, neurodevelopmental and sociodemographic characteristics of psychiatric patients with autism unrecognised in childhood: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
Cognitive Dissonance: • Why It's So Hard to Ad...
Autism Spectrum Disorder: / autism-spectrum-disord...
Neurodivergent meaning: my.clevelandclinic.org/health...
Munchausen Syndrome NHS: www.nhs.uk/mental-health/cond....
Munchausen Syndrome is Rare: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NB....
The narrative around autism is being twisted to excuse cruelty and white male violence. We cannot let that happen: www.independent.co.uk/voices/...
‘Special Snowflake’ My Ass: Why Identity Labels Matter: theestablishment.co/special-s...
The Reach and Accuracy of Information on Autism on TikTok: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37544...
Facial Expressions Test: www.tiktok.com/@neuroqueercoa...
Dr Inna: www.tiktok.com/@dr_inna/video...
What is Autism: www.theguardian.com/commentis...
00:00 TikTok is making me angry
00:40 You're not autistic, you want to be special
05:50 You just don't want to work hard
08:59 A disappointing response...
15:02 Faking autism is impossible?
18:49 Were you giving spectrum?
20:04 Can TikTok diagnose you?
22:43 The apology?
25:50 Signs you're NOT autistic
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Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
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Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
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Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:
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DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
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Here’s the 9 Signs You Are Probably NOT Autistic video I mentioned here: czcams.com/video/0ZomGtlmfXE/video.html
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I paused your video at 10:36 because I believe that what is trying to address with this video is going to be the kids of this generation do fake in online because there is a community that will accept them and they want to be accepted in some way and because autistic people tend to be very accepting of on tiktok it makes them feel heard and "unique" this is something I've seen first hand
That guy is just a "racist" against the whites
PLEASE hide the three spammer / threatening accounts from your channel! @ville__ and their two sock puppets. I hope you can see their replies in the longer reply threads. I have reported tens of comments but now I really need to get some sleep.
* waves in AutDHD* from Finland
I've blocked the people I saw - if you see anything else let me know the usernames and I'll block them too 💛 Thank you for your help!
@@imautisticnowwhat - I'm still seeing their comments, but I've been reporting them as spam.
Two dudes with opposing political views found the common ground through being ableist. How heartwarming
so is the way of stuck-up "intellectual" men
yup, typical bipartisan
Just goes to show how liberals are much less anti-authoritarian then they think they are.
did you not watch the entire second half of the video? it was about unintended consequences of bringing attention to the few who fake disorders, not ableism
😢
being autistic is most of the world being a sensory meat grinder and having other people be like 'no way you're autistic you're handling this fine' while your hand is in the meat grinder and you've trained yourself not to flinch
^THIS^
Damn, this is so accurate.
EXTREMELY well put
I was probably diagnosed before you were born, and I taught myself to deal with it, before the start of highschool, because I had to.
And no, the world is not a sensory meat grinder, you are just very, very soft. Lots of people who don't have brain problems treat the world this way, and its not because they are undiagnosed, its because they are very soft, and privileged.
@@shoopoop21 i work as a support professional for people with autism , and you don't know how i grew up . i was diagnosed as a child and did not receive any kind of formal support because i do not come from a privileged background . like you , i figured out how to navigate the world by myself , but that doesn't make it any less of a disorienting , exhausting , and frequently impossible challenge .
if you want to call me soft for that , go ahead
i suggest you pick a different hill to die on , i promise autism becoming trendy on tik tok is not impacting anyone's lives outside of making a handful of people social media famous
The fact that he thinks being autistic is only chosen for "pick me" quality shows how ignorant he is.
It's like arguing nobody likes strawberries, you're just eating them because you want to be seen with red food.
Like... is he projecting? 🤔
Do you think people aren't labeling themselves with any disorders because they have want to be special..?
This has been happening for years
@@bradywalker5291that’s literally not the point. Sure, there are people who will do anything for attention but that’s only for a small minority that don’t truly represent a significant amount of the neurodivergent population.
This behavior is the most crazy making toxic gaslighting ever… and it bothers those of us who are older- because…
omg I've never heard a better analogy for the "this has nothing to do with you so bugger off about it". Cause like.. I've been hearing that argument about Queer folk my whole life too and as a Queer person who was a part of the community from birth.. it drives me insane. First.. there's no way for another person to know what's going on in someone else's head. For them to know if the person is Queer, autistic, or likes strawberries. Secondly, it doesn't impact the person in any way, shape, or form. Not truly. There's argument about the fakers "ruining" it for the purists but those are the same arguments that racists make so I don't put any stock in them. There's 8 billion ways to experience the world we live in. What business is it of mine if someone is lying about their experience? That's just sad for them.. it doesn't actually make any difference to me. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
ive seen so many comments like "you only wanted a diagnosis so you could get special treatment" and i'm like "buddy what special treatment? special treatment where?" lol
i mean if "special treatment" means bullying, ostracizing, and unfair treatment then yeah it gets you a lot of special treatment.
I didn't get a legal diagnosis just for this. There is no benefit for me only bad treatment
I mean, i do. I absolutely want special treatment! I want my damn support needs met for once in my life.
If you have a special need, you should get special treatment. Complaining about that is like complaining that people who get diagnosed with pneumonia just want their pneumonia treated. Why should they get pneumonia meds? People without pneumonia aren’t getting any and they’re doing fine.
Just as silly.
@@leoniearmstrong7766 i meant that there is no special treatment. people say all the time "you only got a diagnosis to get special treatment" but there is none. that's what i'm saying
Well special mistreatment, yeah, but why would I want that?
I find it odd that particularly the first guy seems to think he's saying something new or revolutionary and not regurgitating the basic 'I don't believe you, you're just lazy' position that people who are neurodivergent have heard their whole lives.
He thinks his opinions are very special.
Yeah, he sounds like he's reading off the same script as everyone else who holds that same opinion.
@@ThatAutisticBlackMan Nah these types of comments are always bot accounts, you see them on every channel.
It's because he thinks he is special.
It’s not though. Saying “you’re trying to be unique” is entirely different than saying “you’re just lazy.” One is about an attempt to gain positive social status, the other is to excuse poor behavior. Neither is new. Both are controversial enough that it makes sense people would speak for or against them to try and persuade people to their side (e.g. it’s not a belief that you came up with it first).
And lastly, absolutes for either are incorrect. There are people that self-diagnose because it’s a social boost for the bubbles they frequent. There are people that use autism as an excuse for abhorrent behavior. And though those possibilities should be recognized, treating either of those as a norm is both incorrect and harmful.
“you want the diagnosis to make you feel special” no, i want it to make me feel normal. it’s literally the opposite!
This. Literally, this.
That makes no sense. How does being diagnosed as special make you feel normal?
@@bluecannibaleyes because it gives you an understanding of yourself. My teenager is currently getting evaluated but we “self-diagnosed” two years ago. Before that he would hide away in his room and was afraid to go out into the world. After that he started to go out into the world because he had answers about himself and felt more okay with himself. It can make one feel more “normal” to understand and have an explanation for their struggles
@@bluecannibaleyes There is no diagnosis for being special. Autism is a real diagnosis.
SAME
As someone with ADHD I’d really like to not have executive dysfunction and not trip over my words or shut down. But since I can’t have that, I’ll take people not rolling their eyes when I say I have ADHD.
Honestly same . I have adhd and autism and yes I can relate . On a side note your profile looks like it’s from sims and my special interest is sims so yeah .
This is very off topic so I apologize but I love your user name it made me laugh
I wasn't told I have adhd. It was quietly slipped into my file without discussion or explanation. I found out like three months ago, and it was just this moment of OH IS THAT WHY I DO THIS? I thought I was just a lazy piece of shit but nah my inability to do things I know damn well need doing has a name and a reason and a lot of very helpful tricks for circumventing it. I've gotten more done in the last two months than in the last ten years
As someone with ADHD, I would have loved to grow up not being insecure about how I stimmed and how loud I get when I am excited without realizing what I’m doing but I guess that’s just me wanting to be special 🤷🏽♀️
@@notiddymothbirlfriendthe same thing happened to me with multiple diagnosis’s. Bpd, adhd, pmdd, and bp1. Aka all the ones women are diagnosed with before they get a real diagnosis of autism. Yet if you put all the symptoms of bpd, bp1 and pmdd together, it is very much so conclusive as autism. Realizing my meltdowns were always seen as “weird panic attacks” was the final piece of a puzzle. Adhd and autism are definitely the two diagnosis’s I fit into the best. It’s crazy how autism is such a hard thing to diagnose women with for some psychiatrists
this discussion is so very similar to the one we had at the trans community for years. people who think for a seconds about the subject say "you're trans (specially nonbinary) because you can't admit you're a privileged white person" and "you are the reason people are transphobic, you're delegitimizing real trans people" which is absolute bs. Transphobia exists despite anything trans people do, and no trans or questioning person will ever be at fault.
same thing with autism and neurodivergency. the extremely few that actually fake for attention are NOTHING in the big picture. Autistic people are not at fault for ableism, you can't delegitimize autism by saying you genuinely think you're autistic..
it absolutely is!! and being both ND and trans while being bombarded with these kinds of takes really slowed me down in realizing what i experienced was real... it's so damaging. i don't care that some teenager will grow out of a phase in which they think they might be ND but are not, i care that an ND teenager doesn't shut down their own feelings because of peer pressure and social anxiety like i did.
Had? This is still ongoing
god i hate when people say that i’m only nonbinary because i “want to distance myself from white privilege”. like wtf? my white privilege has never been a factor in my gender identity. it’s my internal experience that i’ve felt since i was a child, before i knew anything about this sort of discourse. some white people might use their trans identities to speak over POC, but that doesn’t mean their identities aren’t legitimate or that all white people are faking their identity for “oppression points”.
God the “people faking autism are delegitimizing people who are really autistic” always upsets me. Like no, the ‘fakers’ are not delegitimizing anyone. The people who ARE delegitimizing are the ones who attack autistic people because they think autistic people are faking because we don’t fit stereotypes.
edit: changed ‘re’ to ‘are’
It's literally the twocute trans-trender discourse from about 5 years ago all over again
dont pay attention to _ville, he's a bot spammer.
@@Eat_shit--die_mad That's because they only have one argument.
@@Eat_shit--die_mad yeah, it’s just the /same/ argument over and over again.
@@ville__Content creators against cyberbulling wouldn't do the bot thing of "MY CONTENT IS BETTER THAN SO-AND-SO'S". :/
Edit: They also don't threaten to dox people (even though an I.P. drop does nothing except give you a general location lol)! Yikes! So much for fighting cyberbullying, does that not include cyberstalking?
"Autism is actually ok and not bad to have" "STOP ROMANTICIZING IT!!!"
They confuse awareness and actual understanding of things that are not so typical in their world as romanticizing because it’s not about them or their views I find that so incredibly interesting and a bit offensive. It just reeks of “it’s not about me? Then it doesn’t matter and no support should be allocated to those issue either”, he’s the exact person that autism people often get ostracized and exiled by.
it's ok and not bad because she isn't autistic at all, does she even look like one?
@@tamtrinh174autism doesn’t have a look. a person can’t look autistic. why do some people still think it’s possible
@@tamtrinh174 Every single point made really just flew over your head huh?
@tamtrinh174 There's no such thing as looking autistic. Imagine telling someone they don't look like they have anxiety or depression. Like that's because there isn't a set of features that go with it. Autistic isn't an ethnicity it's in your BRAIN dude.
For me, finding out about autism and accepting I'm autistic had the opposite affect of what LJ was describing. All my life I had to call myself "different", "quirky" or "special" to try and justify why I wasn't the same as my peers and why I couldn't do things everyone else around me could. It gave me a big head. Made me want to seek pity and claim how hard my life is so I get special treatment.
When I learned about autism, it not only smashed my victim complex, most of all it made me feel like I'm not different or special. That I don't have to keep proving myself. That there are other people like me. It enabled me to help myself and finally my needs got met. I finally felt normal. I finally realised I don't have to change myself to be valued or important (ie. Masking).
I could just finally be me.
Exactly. Now that I know what I have, I am able to recognize patterns in sensory issues so I can prevent meltdowns as much as possible and a negative mindset in general
Cried my eyes out to my Mom about a year ago and said "mom I think im autistic" (I was 28) and she immediately said "does being autistic make you violent and mean?" When I tell you my heart absolutely utterly shattered into a million pieces that doesn't even cover it. I am neither violent or mean, I am overwhelmed and sick of my Mom making her ocd and ither iasues MY fault. 😭
It's so ironic that she has OCD, is therefore neurodivergent, and still has no inkling of understanding towards you. Not to say Autism and OCD are similar, but I feel like since getting diagnosed with OCD myself I've been more perceptive towards other illnesses and conditions.
I feel like the real privileged position is to see being neurodivergent as something people would claim to be to feel special, like I would have much rather be able to function in the same way that Nt's do everyday and to not have spent years trying to figure out how to fit in with a world that isnt made for me to fit into :/
Nailed it! ❤
As I said to my mom once, why do we [neurodivergents] have to memorise unwritten rules while everyone else knows them already?
Yep
Yup. With that in mind, I am reminded of a different set of videos that talk about right wing communication tactics. The use of something that can't be changed (In this case, autism) is intentional because it allows for that priviledge that you mention. That there can be this innate justification for their own specialness 'above' others. Because if the particular facet could be changed, then that would mean, well... anyone could gain that 'special' place; that the dividing line was arbitrary, as it is clearly evident to others outside that particular mindset. Like, there is little difference between "Don't take the test, you're not autistic [and therefore are just ... faking? specialness]." and "Don't take the test, you're not 6 feet tall. You're just trying to get special priviledge." but the latter is more obviously absurd and overt about what the statement is actually trying to claim and promote.
Yeah at the end of the day, non disabled people often don’t understand the impact because they (as privileged people) have never had to understand and they assume that because it’s never happened to them, it must be a conscious decision rather than something you can’t control.
As an autistic asian person who’s not super high class and LGBT+, its time to come clean. Over the past 17 years I have been faking everything because I want to get hate crimed so bad (/sarcasm)
i love being name called for holding hands w someone of the same sex, not seen as the gender i am inside and misgendered, feeling trapped in the wrong body, constantly having awkward social interactions and being judged for it, struggling to relate to other ppl, struggling with relationships, fear of being fired from job due to being trans, fear of being disowned due to being trans, fear of ending up being homeless, fear of being alone forever etc. its a lot of fun! highly recommend for all my fellow attention seekers
I like being autistic because clearly I like being denied the ability to apply to fast food jobs, being told that it's because I, and I quote, "have the face of a lazy r****d." Clearly that was something LOVED when trying to get into the work force as a teen/young adult. /sarcasm
@@MidnightEkaki "not seen as the gender i am inside and misgendered"
Should people look inside of you? I don't know that they actually can. I personally haven't seen inside someone, at least not in that kind of way.
Maybe you can provide some outward signals or signs? I know that puts more of the burden of responsibility on *your* shoulders.
But, I mean, it is *your* identity that *you* demand proper recognition for.
I think "meet in the middle" is the appropriate phase, just a question of where your contribution to the agreement starts and ends.
@@astrovarius543do you think the person you're responding to is so stupid that socially transitioning/coming out never occured to them?
@@astrovarius543 point is when we tell people they go ahead and still misgender PURPOSELY. Plus you can always just use they/them.. it's basic english but people freak out at it
“You just wanna be special”
No, I tried for so many years to fit in and be like everyone else to the point that I’m severely burnt out(idk for sure, but this seems like autistic burnout)
That phrase coming from a guy with a channel, following and armchair logic regarding something he has no knowledge of. I hope he wakes up and stubs his pinky toe daily.
Yeah I'm having the same experience, I'm getting an autism diagnosis. I'm going though a really rough patch where even getting up our of bed is hard. I'm sure you'll feel better ad I hope I do. Best of luck to you my friend!
@@Pelfri0 It’s fine, but thx. Best of luck to you too
@@Pelfri0Are you sure you don’t just have depression?
@user-km5lo2ml5f although autistic burnout seems like depression but I have more common symptoms of autistic burnout then depression, one being the getting out of bed is more of a "im soo tired" and not a " I mentally cannot and don't feel well" ..
5:51 oh my god. what a horrible thing to say. "you're not autistic, you just dont work hard, have no useful skills, and will never do anything valuable with your life." what a terrible person this guy is
that guy is projecting. hard. what value does he add to the world?
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 30. When I told my parents, they had a comeback to every symptom with, “everyone does that,” or “well your sister had it worse.” They don’t realize how much effort it took to get the good grades and keep my big emotions inside and then how utterly burnt out college made me and the paralysis I experience when it comes to doing the smallest tasks around the house. My diagnosis helps me understand me; it’s literally not hurting or impacting anyone else. 🤷♀️
"every body does that" your parents might need to reevaluate their own lives.
and your sister's life, too
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUgh yes. I thought I was the only one. My parents were toxic and selfish even aside from their ableism. They just didn't want to accept my pain because then they would've had to give support and empathy, which they were just incapable of doing.
@@lordfreerealestate8302 I think what the other 2 mean is it tends to be genetic so they may think it is normal cause they also have ADHD and don't know it.
The same is happening to me rn, I want to go to a physcologist (not self dx or anything I just need help to find out what is happening with my emotions) but my mother refuses to listen to me because "everyone experiences what you do" and "I had it worse and same than you" so I don't have to go see someone. Is messing up my mental health...
the only thing that pisses me off more than someone being ignorant is someone being confidently ignorant
Yes!!!
Dunning Kruger Effect
Ignorance is teachable. Arrogance, the drug of every narcissist, is dangerous.
i cannot with that stupid apple 😭
confidence and ignorance are frequent bedfellows, unfortunately
One of the biggest signs that made me consider that I might be autistic was really specific. I've been writing a comic for over 10 years now, and I recently wanted to create a comic dub to put up on CZcams Shorts to advertise it a bit more and give my beloved characters some voices. The actor I hired for the main character was really excited for the role because they said they were autistic and related a lot with the character.
What they didn't know was that the character was based off of *me*.
Looking back on it now, it's painfully obvious that I had unconsciously coded the MC as autistic. Here are just *some* characteristics I could think of off the top of my head:
1. She masks heavily (around strangers especially)
2. Can't understand why people don't state their thoughts clearly
3. Asks clarifying questions to the point of annoyance without meaning to
4. Stims with her necklace when in deep thought or zoning out
5. States her opinions bluntly in a way that's perceived as rude to many people (again, without meaning to)
6. Often misunderstands how to interpret and use sarcasm, and takes many statements literally
7. Goes completely non-verbal when she's intensely scared or stressed
She even starts the story with the hobby of researching how people interact and how relationships work, all to aid in her understanding. But even then, she just can't seem to grasp it, like a never-ending math problem that doesn't have a real solution.
She's not a rude character by any means, as I've tried to write her as an empathetic and thoughtful person as well, just in a non-verbal way:
1. Tries to comfort someone by simply sitting next to them as a way to show that she's there for them (this is one I do a lot myself)
2. Gives someone a gift based on something they told her months ago
3. Considers that her words could be interpreted negatively, so while she states her opinion bluntly, it's usually paired with a clarification or assurance that she harbors no ill intent.
4. She obsesses over a situation where another character got hurt, blames herself, and makes a long list of ways she could have prevented it.
I've gotten compliments for her character before, which has been a shock to me. I didn't get bullied too severely as a kid, but I always had the nagging feeling that my peers didn't particularly like me, which was why my friend group was so small. And since the MC was largely based off of me, the cognitive dissonance caused me to think "If you like this character so much, why was I mistreated?"
As I look back, it's extremely likely that those people may have also been autistic and were interested to see a main character that thought and acted like them, since those kinds of characters are usually either forgotten, used as a throwaway joke, or somehow "fixed" later in their arc.
All of this is to say that my writing helps me quell my doubts when I think I may not be autistic, since it shows well over a decade of the main character of my story, who is *heavily* based on my personality and struggles, being very obviously autistic.
Edit: It looks like some people are interested in reading the comic! It's called Crossing Worlds, the link is in my channel bio!😊
hii! im interested in ur comic, whats it called? :3
❤
I'd also like to hear the name of this comic. No pressure though.
I too would love to read your comic one day when you’re ready 💛🥹
I would like to read this comiv
GOOD POINT @ 2:20 about how anything that isn't a depiction of a meltdown or other distressed scenario is "romanticizing" autism to these people, and I'd like to argue that it's because they're fetishizing the pain of disability, it's trauma porn to them. And when you see an autistic person existing typically, not having a meltdown, well they have to be "faking it" because that's not like the clips of children having meltdowns I've seen out of context!! And it's just monstrous.
My daughter got told in front of her math class by the tutor that he didn’t believe she was autistic (she didn’t bring it up - he did a slight Segway with ‘you claimed to be autistic dont you’ when she had been a bit sassy to him) - he then refused to giver her the extra exam time allotted to her during her mock because he just didn’t believe her because, and I quote “you can look people in the eyes”. I obviously made a formal complaint about this tutor - it was specifically asked by her that her autism status not be revealed to others without her consent. So we were pretty angry. Just because she can look people in the eye, her therapist and psych evaluation that lasted years is all a bunch of crap - idiot.
(Autism brain, sorry.)
Segue is a borrow word from Italian. It means what you used it to mean; but Segway is a brand name, presumably derived from segue.
I honestly do this to be helpful, don't hate me.
Also, I was never diagnosed (I grew up before autism was a common diagnosis) but I was always getting in trouble for standing up to teachers. There's absolutely no justification at all, for what is effectively abuse against ND people, inflicted by "educators."
@@MelissaThompson432 I literally learned about the correct spelling yesterday
@@ghostlyfieldclub2930 it's not a word you see in print very often. I learned to spell it before the scooters named Segway were ever invented. I don't even know where I saw it written the first time.
I was thinking while I was making that ^^ comment, "someday people will forget it was ever spelled segue, and it will officially be segway and no one will know the difference." "Segway" makes sense in English; that's how it ought to look for what it sounds like.
And I suppose that will be okay. That's how language works.
If she was diagnosed as autistic, and I'm making a big assumption that you're in America, then she would have an IEP mandated by law and as an accommodation, she would be allowed extra time for testing. As a retired SPED educator, I proctored MANY standard tests over the years and know about accommodations. Since the extra time is a condition of an IEP tied to autism, which do you want, others to not know or for it to be known so the extra time could be given? If she had an IEP, then the tutor/proctor is definitely in the wrong, but if it wasn't communicated to the proctor formally then there is no way to legally give the extra time.
My whole life, while undiagnosed: "Omg you're so weird. You're mute. Do you think you're too good to talk to us? Lmao why do you do those behaviours?" Etc. Had one person mimick how I scrunched up my eyes outside because of light sensitivity, to mock me.
Now that I'm diagnosed, weirdos on the internet: No!! You're too normal. You're so normal. You're the most normalest of normal people. You were never bullied or called mute. You're normal!! NORMAL!!
??
ya just can't win if you're even slightly different
I have a rather weird-looking channel (not this account) and recently got my first comment accusing me of being autistic in a clearly belittling way. I can't wait for that fateful day when someone sees a video I acknowledge my autism, and accuses be of being normal. People really just can't handle people _they don't like_ being right.
@@DreamtaleEnjoyer Been thinking along these lines recently, come to think of it, because of a recent cringe Ricky Gervais bit where he was insisting this strawman bisexual enby he'd invented was really just a cis straight dude pretending.
People are okay with using autism/gay/etc as an insult, when they think it'd hurt the person, but when we say "yeah actually I am and I claim it," it takes the power away from the insult.
So they use "normal" as an insult instead, thinking that being called normal would hurt us in the same way that being called those other things may have hurt us previously. It's kind of pathetic, really.
@@JayneAFKsomewhat reminds me of the journey the n-word went on over the years haha, and recently "all lives matter" ended up having that "you're normal" energy
@@DreamtaleEnjoyerWell said, I'm of the same opinion. It's quite frustrating that a lot of NTs will pivot their opinions and argument just to win, discarding any principles they appeared to have prior.
I don't understand this obsession with being 'in the right' rather than being objectively correct. People need to learn how to accept and admit when they're wrong, it's not like we wouldn't forgive them and we know what it's like to be shamed after doing something seen as 'wrong', so we wouldn't do that ourselves.
That first guy thinks he's so "out there" with his opinions, I think he just wants to feel special.
"When everyone is one way, and you're not, you cant help but think something's wrong with you."
B'Elanna Torres, Star Trek Voyager.
I feel like I'm about to get violent. I knew my kid was autistic when she was 4. Everyone I talked to (doctors, teachers etc) told me she was just shy, and I'm just a typical mom trying to think my kid is more special than she actually is. IT TOOK 8 MORE YEARS to get her diagnosed because no one would give us the time until she started struggling in school! They waited until her issues got bad enough, until her grades slipped and classmates bullied and isolated her, that at age 12 we got the ASD label, the one I knew she needs at age 4! Special?! I wanna punch a wall! I think about how different her life would have been if an expert had believed me earlier and gave us the tools to support her "special" development issues from kindergarten! The same people who say these things are also the ones mocking neurodivergent people for acting different! I am so mad right now!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You sound like an amazing mom, though! 💛
Hug from an internet stranger ❤
I'm sorry she had to go through that and nobody believed you. I'm glad you could get her help now, though.
You are an amazing advocate, thank you for being there to help mandate that your daughter get the suports she needs.
Sorry you both were forced to struggle due to the ignorance of those you should have been able to trust to help.
Your anger is the part of you that loves, and you are both valid.
Here is to te future; you got this! ❤
I suspect my niece is autistic. We share many characteristics. About a year ago I discovered my own autism. My sister and I have a crap relationship because she is neurotypical and resents my neurodivergence. I see her being so hard on her daughter, misunderstanding her meltdowns, ignoring all of the signs of her daughter's autism, and I feel helpless to say anything because our relationship is so bad that if I offered up the idea that her daughter might be like me my sister would erupt in a narcissistic rage. Having been exposed to her rages, no thank you.
SO REAL, I'm a 20 year old woman and when I was four they did tests with me and said "She has sensory processing issues and severe executive dysfunction as well as low muscle tone, but it's probably just a developmental delay and will go away". Well it never went away. Shy, gifted, sensitive, slow, spacey i got all the labels. when i got older it was depression, social anxiety ect. I find it really funny because depending on who you asked and the setting I was ethier seen as shy and quiet or as someone who never shuts up. The amount of times I was told "You're too smart for this just try harder!!" is insane. I also have ADHD
It’s never autistic people who are mad that more people are finding out they’re autistic. And people like this seem to forget that Autism is a disability and not a gold star for being unique. It brings people relief to know they’re autistic because now we can stop gaslighting ourselves about our experiences/struggles and actually tend to our needs.
Right and I don’t know why everyone is surprised considering it’s genetic too, like ofc there’s gonna be more people getting diagnosed, autistic people have family members too!
@@nv3363My dad and I were downright textbook. We had the same personality because of our autism. Apparently, it was pretty funny to watch. 💖
Actually there's a CZcamsr on here that is autistic and starts gatekeeping others who are claiming to be. Without any looking into the individuals and why, she immediately puts them down saying they're faking it. It's actually unbelievable and aggravating.
YES! All my autistic friends actually talk about the rest of the undiagnosed autistics coming out into the light. It's not about standing apart, it's more about standing together. That is, we want to NORMALIZE autism, and make a place for it in mainstream society.
Well actually I was mad about finding out I was autistic st first. We aren't all one predictable group who all thinks in the same way, not all autistics are left wing leaning either
Late diagnosed autistic person here - i would LOVE to be neurotypical. Man if i could just use my energy like a „typical“ person and not deal with all this neurodivergence stuff getting in the way.. amazing. I am still learning to be ok with my rather new diagnosis and people saying „you just want to be autistic because you need to be special“ really triggers me because Jesus i would love nothing more than to not be impacted by this neurodivergence every second in my life
I was listening to a video I ended up not finishing because it was too pedantic, in which the guest said, almost offhandedly, that most people in prison are neurodivergent. Idk what his sources are, but it makes sense to me. And it's not, "oh, they're not _criminals,_ they're _marginalized!"_
It's "they're trying to navigate a world they don't understand, and their normal behavior is stigmatized as something dangerous." How many people in meltdown have been shot or beaten up or arrested by people in authority who don't see that the person is in distress?
I watched a talk by a woman who became an autism advocate after her kids were taken away from her. She was interviewed by child advocates who didn't understand her literal thinking, and she didn't understand that their questions contained subtle ploys to gather nuance. Basically they asked her about herself and she talked about herself; then they said she didn't care about her kids because she didn't mention them, and she said, "you never asked me about them." As a result she spent years and resources "proving" that she loved her kids....
These are not anomalies. They're the "norm."
We need a better norm. And if that means going around publicly stating that I'm autistic and having to educate people who think I'm making excuses or wanting to be "special," bring it on.
Imagine suffering from chronic pain trying to inform people about your limitations and tribulations only to be told by a guy who never suffered from anything that:
“yeah, you don’t suffer from chronic pain, you just want to be special. If you want to be special go DO something special..blabla”.
There’s absolutely no air in this guy’s empathy balloon.
Sorry to hear you’re in pain.
The reason why I brought up chronic pain specifically is because people in the past have shared their experiences with me like you did just now. They made me realize how similar their experiences seem to be to my autism, when having to deal with the ignorant and cruel outside world.
Thank you for sharing and best wishes!
did he delete his comment? @@thomastoadie9006
If you’re a woman in America. You often are told you’re not in pain. Just like this guy. They say this is just what it is to be a woman.
I didn’t get answers till 34.
That’s so interesting, because chronic pain is my go to analogy to explain autism, since I have both. It’s really pretty much the same in the way that I had that my entire life and as time passed I got more resistant and developed strategies to work with it.Avoid certain places that are too much, wear this kind of clothing and footwear, prepare a counter measure if things go wrong, do some movements that help the pain.
Most days are manageable if tiring, sometimes I even forget about it, but there are flares ups when put under too much stress that shut me down. Autism is that on top of that you are also kind of confused and anxious all the time and going for some stimulus all the time.
Litterally my life, except it was family members including the people who were supposed to believe me and help me get treatment for the chronic pain
the dude is so priviledged he doesn't realise a lot of people can't actually seek a diagnosis because it's so damn expensive. Some countries are so behind on autism stuff most people might never get one even if they actually are.
Self diagnosis is probably the only diagnosis a lot of people can hope to get.
It's a lot worse than that, both of them are trying to talk people out of seeking a diagnosis at all. It comes from a common belief among reactionary types that awareness of something creates that thing (eg queerphobic people who think that keeping children ignorant will somehow make them cis and straight, people who think that awareness of ADHD or autism might somehow make more people become or act autistic or ADHD, etc). The bit at the end was just face saving, there's no way that he'd accept half of the professional diagnoses that get brought to the table these days as we're learning more about masking.
If YOU ARE SELF DIAGNOSING then it obviously is not a big enough issue to WARRANT A DIAGNOSIS
Bro, the main reason I haven't seek a diagnosis is because that would require me to talk to people. I think I could afford it, but thinking about calling a place or trying to get a diagnosis stresses me so much. For years, even as an adult, I only speak to my family. At work, my job doesn't require me to talk to people. At most, during work, I wave when someone says "hi" and sometimes I say "hi" back.
The thing is, I'm okay with this. Besides, I feel like the only way I could get diagnosed is if someone else sets everything up for me. But I don't have "someone else" to do that for me. It seems like people don't understand that autism doesn't mean you are fully able to do everything a regular person can do. Yeah, a regular person can call up a place and ask for an appointment. If I were to make a phone call, I'd need to dedicate few hours to convince myself to make the call, write a script with different answers for questions they might ask, be in a completely quiet room with no distractions. And then if the call doesn't go exactly like I plan (like an automatic message answers my call), I'll just freak out and try to end the call.
I think that's enough evidence to know there's something wrong with me.
@@Kloppin4H0rses I think a lot of folks would be really upset by this, but I'm choosing to take your comment in good faith. I think a lot of people misunderstand why people self diagnose in the first place. Particularly with autism, like the original commenter said, getting an evaluation by a psychologist (at least in the US) and an official autism diagnosis is incredibly difficult, especially as an adult. The reason diagnoses are important in the first place is that they provide access to appropriate treatment/care/accommodations that improve the lives of those with that diagnosis, as well as communicating the context in which those things are necessary. I was able to receive extra time and a quiet environment for taking tests in school because I had a learning disability on my record. Those accommodations would not have been available to me otherwise, and I struggled quite a bit with test taking and I could not perform as well as my peers until I had those accommodations. Similarly with my ADHD, I couldn't receive medication that drastically improved my overall functioning until I got a diagnosis.
In the case of self-diagnosis, it's less about medicine and more about communicating to loved ones/peers/teachers/employers/etc that because we're (in this case) autistic, they can expect us to face certain challenges and that we may need certain accommodations in order to fully give all that we have to offer to the world and our communities. When I say "I'm autistic and I have a strong sensory sensitivity to noise," I'm also saying that the way my brain processes sensory input is genuinely different than someone who's neurotypical, and my need for an accommodation is much more likely to be taken seriously than if I just said "I have a strong sensory sensitivity to noise." The former describes a permanent developmental disability that I have no way of changing, and the latter can be interpreted as a preference or just a "pet peeve."
So TLDR; Self diagnosis is a tool in order to communicate to others that we may struggle with certain things and need certain accommodations because of an unchangeable condition. An official diagnosis is very often inaccessible or impossible to pursue due to systemic healthcare failures, so lots of folks have no other option than to use self diagnosis in order to advocate for their needs.
@@Kloppin4H0rses Oh my sweet summerchild...
Sadly, we live in a world, where not everyone can just go out and get an official diagnosis.
There are two main reasons, I got my ADHD Diagnosis: First, I had to self diagnose, because nobody else ever considered ADHD.
Then, I had the luck, that a big psychological clinic in my city had a waiting list, so I just had to call once.
If I had to call every psychiatrist every couple of weaks, I still wouldn't have a diagnosis. And I have the luxury to life in a country with mandatory health insurrance, so I didn't have to pay extra. Still, there where so much hurdles...
Yet, I wouldn't say "self diagnosed" is official, and I would prefer to say "I suspect to have ADHD/Autism" or "I strongly think I have it" or something to that end. Because part of an official diagnosis is to take a look at physical explanation, as well as other possible disorders for the symptoms. Treat a self diagnosis with care. It's not a fact.
the middle school bully comment, wow!! I was severely bullied precisely during middle school and there was really no reason. I was a "nerd" but so were others who weren't bullied.
The thing is, teachers would have never ever considered there might be anything off because in their eyes I had the best grades and I was so good at painting and violin, I was so nice and "pretty", what could even be wrong in my life?
I was in my early 30s when I finally realized how much of what I was doing from elementary school onwards was masking. I found diaries from when I was 11 or 12 where I had written down my observations of people and from books. Little lists of how to act and how to be quippy. Some people might say it's sad but I like it. Books and movies and theatre were what I loved, so those were my tools to help me fit in more. But it was always such a crazy energy expenditure.
And so when I started talking to a psychiatrist, after some months I felt so much more at ease and more natural. I didn't tell most people (and probably never will) but some friends have noticed that I seem much less strained and stressed.
To anyone being bullied for their autistic symptoms, my advice is this: pretend to be oblivious. Use your logical brain to your advantage, and come up with a literal response to everything. The other day, this guy in my class kept making fun of himself by saying "I'm so autistic," right next to me, when he knew I was autistic. Eventually, I turned to him and said "Oh I didn't know you were also on the spectrum. That's so cool!" I made sure to be loud about it too. It shut him right up. For all of those dumbass memes about how autism is a superpower, show them how you can really use it. Don't let people push you around. You deserve to be here just as much as they do. Show them how you see the world and maybe, just maybe, we can work towards a more understanding environment. If not, and if we are doomed to burn in this hellfire, let's at least have a laugh while we do.
I do that all the time. It's what works the most with neurotypical. Which is a shame because it clearly stems from a stereotype that were stupid and clueless.
It's exhausting.
Being oblivious to social cues works really good again against manipulation and passive-aggressive comments. Cause people doing that are usually not bold enough to state their intentions clearly so straight up ignoring their innuendos is quite effective.
I do similar by ruining jokes and attempts to mock me by leaning into them way too hard.
The misogynist is also ableist? Who'd have thunk it?
Is he really truly “ableist” though? Or is he just ignorant? …because there IS a difference and it’s important to know the difference.
As an autistic person myself, I disagreed with A LOT of what he said, but at no point did I feel that he was attacking autistic people for being autistic. The video wasn’t even directed at autistic people. It was directed at people who he feels are faking autism for attention - which DOES happen on Tik Tok by the way. He just seems to think that there are more “fakers” than there actually are.
He’s just ignorant about how diagnosis works. He also doesn’t understand masking or the “high functioning” end of the spectrum works. …but labeling everyone we disagree with as an “ableist” is a quick way to make sure that word becomes just as empty and meaningless as the word “racist” has become.
@@clicheguevara5282 Agree to disagree. This over emphasis on 'autism fakers' reminds me a lot of when people were obsessing over 'transtrenders' and who was 'actually trans' and whatnot. Like, they'd claim to be defending the 'real trans people', but it was just repackaged transphobia. Thats the impression I get here anyway.
@@clicheguevara5282 Thinking that your ignorance overwrites facts is cultish and not an excuse.
There is an undeniable systemic issue with racism and ableism, the words aren't meaningless it's just more of an issue than you or society want to acknowledge.
@@clicheguevara5282Idgaf what anyone who says that the word racism has “lost its meaning” has to say
@@clicheguevara5282 Surely ignorance is the basis of most forms of bigotry, not an excuse for it?
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that people who arent queer nor neurodivergent, are speaking over queer and neurodivergent people. LJ is a perfect example of what not to do when speaking for a group that he isnt even apart of.
I'm bi and autistic, and I think you all are embarrassing
God I relate this so much
I am quite autistic, and have always been the “gifted” kid. Lucky me. When someone says I’m not autistic, I simply like to say, “what makes you think you have the authority to say that?” It works quite well, and sometimes forces them to back off or just give up and start yelling slurs. Quite funny when that happens.
I am Autistic.
I am also white, I have a home to stay in, I don't go hungry, I have lots of accepting family members, I have access to healthcare. I am so, so privileged. I am still Autistic. I have struggles that others don't have, but I'm not claiming that I'm not privileged. Even among the Autistic community, I am privileged. I am still Autistic XD
I feel the need to clarify: *My point* is that, unlike the claims the person in the TikTok was making, I've only seen the extreme minority of people seeking diagnoses or self-proclaiming to be Autistic is trying to avoid acknowledging their privileges through Autism (actually, I have no evidence of that being true for anyone I've come across thus far. Making such a statement feels similar to fake claiming to me). I am extremely privileged, due to my race, access to basic necessities that others do not have, low support needs, etc. At the same time, I struggle with things that my Allistic peers and family members do not because I am Autistic. I am Autistic, but my struggles do not give me a pass to ignore my privileges, the same for anyone like me. It felt to me that one thing the TikTok user was saying was that people self-diagnosing or wanting a diagnosis are trying to say they have no privilege. I agree that it's important to understand privilege, and we're facing a big problem in the Autistic community where MSN and HSN Autistics, and POC Autistics are not getting the representation that LSNs are (the majority of content I see is white LSN Autistic women), and that's one of many issues inside and outside of the Autistic community. But people seeking to understand and accept themselves doesn't automatically mean they're doing it because they want to be more oppressed, and while I will not claim to have more proof of my claims than the TikTok users, I am actually involved in the Autistic community, and it appears to me that the majority of us are only intending to have our needs met and to understand ourselves and be understood by others, not evade any responsibility or get attention (attention is the last thing I want, lol).
That's all I meant by this comment. I apologize if my wording didn't convey my message.
@@ville__ sorry, homophobia isn't my type of content.
@tiredcritter - did I miss something?
@@EsmereldaPeathis guy is kind of infamous for going into all kinds of minorities' comment sections and spamming troll comments. i've seen them on gay and trans people's platforms, apparently it's autistic content creators now. i'm pretty sure this commenter has also has the same experience with Ville, which is why they mentioned homophobia even if it was not in their comment
I'm an autistic not privileged person. I've been beaten, nearly killed, gone hungry on many nights, had fears of legitimately being homeless due to my abuser, and even more. Yet I'm still autistic
@@ville__ saying you make better content than the videos you post on, and making homophobic content is cyber bullying. Way to contradict yourself, Buddy. Reported for false information!
Feels like he is just projecting his own insecurities of not feeling special or valuable, so he sees that in others, and gets upset, hes really upset with feeling this kind of inadequacy within himself.
That's usually the case with most m3n making these videos 🙄
@tiffany rose yeah because only men project their insecurities on to others! You sound sexist!
@@Tiffany-Roseyou don't need to censor the word
@@stealthis Because I have to on most social media sites, I just do it to be safe.
I don't even want to deal with it 🙄
@@Tiffany-Rose no need to sensor men. They are actual people.
I will never understand people who looks at a stranger who is "different" and have the audacity to tell them theyre faking something or want to be unique. It sounds like a projection or insecurity like as if the person who made that conclusion themself is jealous that they don't have love and attention
I think the closest term for what those people do is called Xenophobia ~ fear of others from other countries or are seen as strange or different to the beholder,
I cannot find an exact word, so this was closest and I added 'Different' as it seems to fit.
The projection and lack of self-awareness is astounding. People who go around constantly talking about how no one else is special are the most desperate to feel special themselves. That clown clearly thinks he is special
i love how they say we fake neurodivergency to be different, like ooo yes i love ripping my hair out and rocking back and forth trying to sooth myself its sooooo trendy.
The trichotillomania and autism combo is rough going. The idea that I'd do this for attention is wild to me. Can't stand being in the spotlight at all, so this is the last thing I would want lol.
*Ah yes, it's soooo much fun forgetting what I was supposed to do and not understanding the instructions despite having them repeated multiple times.*
Oh yeah i just *love* feeling like im going to have a meltdown from being in a loud crowded space.
However, knowing im autistic makes me feel relieved bc I know now that theres nothing wrong with me for having these sensitivities. Im just wired a bit differently.
Trichotillomania combo is the absolute worst. One of my service dog's tasks is to interrupt repetitive behaviors and disassociation, so it helps. But even still, it can be very damaging. Meaning literally damaging, as losing hair. And psychologically.
People always say how much they envy me. "Oh, I wish I could bring my dog with me everywhere!"
Yeah? I wish I didn't need to. @JayneAFK
@JayneAFK I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I'm a dude with that combo so like, drawing in my eyebrows draws even more attention. So I just walk around with chunk -s missing. people can be so mean.
There is often something sexist about the whole "you just want to be oppressed" thing, especially with how often it is targeted at young women. Like you said, they could just become feminists. There's this tendency to downplay the marginalization of women. Like, even when something explicitly anti-woman happens, people will say that white women can't be upset about it. Because they don't see woman itself to be sufficient to claim marginalization, there has to be something else. As a woman of color, I find this really annoying because I think this attitude trickles down to negatively affect all women, not just white ones. "Woman" on it's own is a marginalized group, they don't need to be a woc or neurodivergent or queer, although those things absolutely do compound on top of each other.
I always assumed that people added ‘white’ onto other groups of people to make it sound less bad when they wanted to belittle or mock them. But that seems like a too consciously malicious choice for so many people to make now that I’ve read your comment. I never considered that people don’t even think of it as marginalisation.
Divide and conquer - they individually invalidate the struggles of each marginalised group one by one until they can invalidate everyone.
Actually, self-diagnosed autistic people, especially women, do also identify as feminist quite often.
Actually, self-diagnosed autistic people, especially women, do also identify as feminist quite often. That doesn't help with their credibility. I would be more inclined to believe in someone's diagnosis if that person is a conservative because they'd have nothing to gain socially from that identity in their circles.
@@deleted01 How about just believe every autistic person unless you have a legitimate reason not to.
"Nobody wants to be neurotypical."
Funny to hear that as I have I've had my third breakdown this week, as I'm looking back on a history of lost opportunities and ruined relationships and failure after failure from not being able to just FIT into something already, from just being able to handle the things that seem so easy to most people around me. If I were normal maybe I would have finished school, maybe I'd be more employable, maybe I'd still have my old home, maybe I wouldn't have stayed around harmful people for as long as I have. But yeah, right, okay sure. I definitely want life to be a screaming meatgrinder while everyone tells me its a walk in the park and I just need to be smarter or work harder to just magically transform myself in some way. If I do view myself as 'special and different' it's pretty much entirely in negative ways and I feel like I should just bury myself if people attach neurodivergent labels to me or imply there's something different in my brain (not something that happens often especially as rarely as I see people or actually say anything around them), so not sure what this tik tok guy would think of that.
Sorry for so much bitterness just...wow. I guess it comes from not being enough of an ally or whatever (tosses my LGBT-ness in the trash too)
Also thank you for acknowledging that neurodivergent doesn't just mean autism or ADHD
You explained the problem PERFECTLY. I've been recently diagnosed with ADHD and just because it's "trending" on TikTok now, I'm constantly devalued and dismissed, while dying inside that I though this would finally make things easier to cope :')
Also, how can anyone say trying to find answers and a diagnosis is related to white people wanting to feel oppressed, "too"? I mean, how dumb, entitled, racist and evil is that
I'm a caretaker for people with developmental disabilities. There was an autistic client that was higher functioning, for lack of a better term, that my coworkers tended to be annoyed by. They were once talking about him in a negative way and i felt compelled to butt in and say, "He's awkward because he's autistic." At that moment, a different, "lower functining" client screeched and started stimming, and they responded, "THAT'S autistic." These are people that work in the mental health field. People in general are hard pressed to understand "spectrum". It's kind of depressing.
The joy of people saying someone's not really autistic then saying stop acting autistic...
bring me to your job, my autistic ass is creative when it comes to making people regret what they say XD
Hiya! Fellow direct supports provider here, been working in the field for 19 years. The proper terms are now, a client with lower support needs, in terms of someone with a lot of independent capabilities or someone with high support needs who requires more care and supervision. And yes, your coworkers need some education. I have worked with clients who now have PHDs and I work with clients who have very high support needs that are all on the Spectrum. Social skills are some of the more difficult skills for many of us on the spectrum. Yes, I am on the Spectrum as well. Something that was only diagnosed recently for me. I am in my 50's. I have always had social difficulties that affected my ability to get employment until I took a job in 2004 working with adults with developmental disabilities. I had social difficulties with my coworkers, but I worked very well with the clients, had an aptitude and passion for the work.
I come from a family with many people on the Spectrum and many with ADHD. 2 of my 3 children have ADHD. I am also diagnosed with ADHD.
Anyway, keep up the good work. It's hard to stand up to your coworkers in this field, but remember who you are there to advocate for.
@@jkishhabi Thank you for the proper terminology...I'm certain I learned that at some point, but I sometimes struggle to find the wording when I have conflicting terms bouncing around my head, even when I know they aren't the preferred terms.
Anyway, yeah, it's disheartening how this work is just another job to some people. Like, I thought for sure I'd find kindred spirits who find joy in helping others, and to be sure there have been some...but like I said, it's just a paycheck to some people.
Idk exactly what I'm trying to say here, I guess I'm feeling a bit negative this evening.
@@kyu2o337unfortunately some people get caretaking jobs because they like the power dynamic it puts them in.
Been a caretaker on and off for the last 15 years. It's my calling at heart but every few years I have to take a break from it.
I was diagnosed at 35 for autism after being pegged by my therapist. All this backlash on autism self diagnosis did was give me imposter syndrome after my own diagnosis. I had official confirmation but now everyone looks at me and goes “but you don’t look autistic”. Whereas before it was “hm, but she doesn’t seem normal.” When did that switch occur?!
I mean it’s so bad that a friend’s therapist, someone who never met me before and had only heard about me from my friend, when my friend disclosed that I had come out as autistic that therapist immediately said, she can’t be autistic. She should ask for a second opinion.
I had never even spoken to this woman before! How could she know?!
that must be super frustrating but 'being pegged by my therapist' made me giggle
i know u didnt mean it the way my brain interpreted it but it was a little funny
While i dont think i have autism i do have self diagnosed ADD, which my doctor did suggest i migth have. But here i got confuses of what autism is and what is asberger... Did find out today that both have become one diagnos, with makes it easier, becose none could see the diffrence. :P But alot of people that have ADHD also have one or more of other traits. I got socially anxious and are introvert. even do no one have asked if i have autism i think some migth think that i have :O
I've had a similar flip flop with my diagnosis at 19/20 years old. My therapist clocked it, I read about it obsessively (may I even say, autistically), and eventually got diagnosed. Brought my paper around to my family like "omg it's actually something I'm not broken!" And everyone suddenly decided I was the most normal person in the world even though they constantly teased me for certain traits. Call that social gaslighting ;; I've heard people point out that neurotypicals feel bad having bullied someone with a hidden disability, so they'll do their damndest to avoid acknowledging it so it stays "playful teasing" and in other cases they just get really uncomfortable with the thought of disability (a la ableism). And a third option, they might also be autistic and don't wanna face that reality, like my family.
so I was gna type some semi long comment about how i'm in the process of a diagnosis myself and how this is very relatable, but I accidentally pressed cancel halfway through nd didn't feel like typing it all again.
anyway point is I saw someone say something about how a lot of the time autism can mean taking longer to understand or having to learn certain social cues/ how to approach different situations manually, instead of it just coming to you naturally like w a lot of neurotypical people (i'm assuming). also rather than the stereotypes a lot of people see of just never learning them and blatantly ignoring cues 100% of the time. At the end of the day we're still individuals with our own personalities and experiences which results in autism being expressed differently in a lot of people. hope this helps
Making baseless assumptions about other people he never met is a major symptom of neurotypical disorder. He should get tested
I've been diagnosed with ADHD since 5th grade so I'm used to being the person I am who happens to have ADHD but I can't tell you how many times I've shared this with others and have been met with people saying ADHD isn't real or neurotypical people saying they share all my symptoms. It's so infuriating and makes me feel unacknowledged.
I say I’m autistic because I’m autistic. The fact that I am special, unique, and an absolute bleddy joy is irrelevant.
unlikely
@austinpowers1061 you're an insult to your username
exactly!
@@austinpowers1061 what do you mean “unlikely”?
this is a mindset i hope to achieve ^^
As someone who got diagnosed later in life it always bothers me when people say things like "they would have caught that early in life" as if most schools or parents get you examined for it like for glasses. My parents didn't understand and my schools didn't care.
No they don't always "catch it early".
Or it gets misdiagnosed by a chair jockey and doctors don't dig in because real medical care isn't widely and freely available in US. Parents may even reject going to a doctor due to "individual responsibility" bs, disbelieving neurodivergency is a thing.
Or, you know, the criteria for diagnosis was different 20 years ago, and people getting diagnosed now wouldn't have been diagnosed before because of a lack of knowledge of autism. That's what it was for me, I wouldn't qualify under the DSM-IV (and didn't at the time when tested as a child) but I do under the DSM-V, which plays into why I got diagnosed when I did.
In primary school, in the 1950s, we had annual dental and health checks - teeth (and dental work if deemed necessary), hearing, sight. All the school.
Or you have parents that refuse even baseline testing, and outright reject anything else?
I wouldn't have for the diagnosis criteria in the early 90s when I was born. Let alone for those born earlier. It wasn't until I was in my teens that the criteria changed to reflect that I myself would fall under. Still didn't get diagnosed until I was like 16 or 17. I had figured it out myself years earlier. My psychologist was worried I'd be offened (because this was the late 00s, when the r- wors was still a normalized insult and being autistic had started to become one as well,) and I'm like "No. It's okay. I honestly already figured out some time ago that I likely am."
I'm autistic, I was diagnosed when I was young and was always embarrassed about it and told to hide it. I finally became comfortable telling people around the same time people started going viral for faking disorders. It made me feel afraid people would say I was faking mine even after feeling so bad for having it the majority of my life. I'm glad you make your channel such a safe space for us
its so weird when i tell people im autistic irl because they tell me that i dont seem autistic and dont believe me but then i display any autistic traits or just dont mask well around them they treat me like im weird or doing something wrong and ignore that i told them im autistic in the first place
i told someone close to me about my diagnosis. they responded "yeah that does make sense. don't make it your whole personality now though"
i'm confused because the way i think and perceive the world would seemingly affect my personality. i looked up a definition just to be sure.
"the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character" -> character is defined as "the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual."
if my behavior makes sense to you after hearing a diagnosis, then why ask me not to make it my personality. apparently it's been my personality forever since all of our decades of interactions make more sense to you now.
i don't know how to understand and i've accepted i may never know.
There are people who have a very weak sense of identity, and they will latch onto anything abnormal about themselves in an attempt to try to find something they can identify as 'themselves'. If you haven't seen someone do this, then that is why you're having trouble understanding what your friend was referring to.
It doesn't sound to me, from what you've written, like you have the kind of personality structure that would result in you 'making it your whole personality', but some people absolutely do allow their personality to be entirely subsumed by individual aspects of themselves like their diet, their religion, their sexuality, a medical diagnosis, a sport they're interested in, etc.
LITERALLLYYYY I had co workers who had autistic family/friends/etc in their lives who shot me down the same exact way when I told them I was contemplating I might be autistic. Told me "if you are you're really high functioning then" "Yeah but if you do don't make it your whole personality" 💀💀💀 one of em has an autistic son and I'm sure he will LOVE hearing shit like that throughout his lifetime
I think they mean it in the same sense that there’s a lot of vegans that make being one their ‘whole personality’ where they come across as vegan first and a person second.
Another way to put it is the difference between “hi, I’m an autistic person” versus “hi, I’m a person who happens to have autism”. The first implies you want to be seen as autistic first and a human second while the other implies the opposite. The majority of people want to be seen as the latter but there are some that want the former for some reason.
Sounds like more cognitive dissonance like she spoke on. “That makes sense but don’t make it your personality” translates to me as “I like you, you’re my friend, but please keep it down because any obvious unmasked behavior will annoy me over time”
They way i interpreted your friend’s comment is to not make it your entire personality, in the sense that you excuse certain behaviors because of your diagnosis. I’m sure there are certain things you can’t control, however there are some people who just use their diagnosis as a means to not do their work or be irresponsible (example).
The irony is that the people complaining about virtue signaling, don't realize that they are doing just that, while they do it. They are showing the people in their bubble that they believe the right thing.
Lmao that's so true. Like if that guy just thought that without wanting to virtue signal he really didn't have to make a tiktok about it.
And they're constantly signaling the virtues that they deem correct in their own little bigoted community. He needs the attention to feel special at the expense of denying other people's experiences.
YES that was my thought too! when he said that i was like '... what do you think this is that you're doing here' 🤦♀
Well said
Honestly they both come across as "Listen to me I know things, I want attention for being special"
(Sorry I am gen X and apparently we are kinda blunt)
You said everything here SO WELL.
“It doesn’t make me feel special at all. I feel like I spent my entire life . . . searching for this answer and then I finally found it . . . and now it’s just like, I can’t do anything with that information.” That hits so hard. I finally found out why I’m weird and different, but even my diagnosis doesn’t do anything. It just makes me weird and different for a reason.
Meg, you are so talented and well-spoken, I'm thankful you are putting your energy into making all of these educational videos.
Regarding the first guy, to me he's clearly projecting. He has this stance that all people need to be seen as special and get all kinds of recognition, which is something he wants for himself and that's fine as long as he can acknowledge that others may have a different perspective and set of preferences/values. In reality, a lot of autistic people just want to be left alone, and are trying to understand themselves better for their own sake.
My diagnosis was important to me not because it told me i was "different" or "special" but because it told me the the things I struggled with were normal and I belonged, something that had been denied to me my whole life.
I couldn't say it better myself. Even at 44, no one will diagnose me without me giving them around $400. Real professionals refuse to help me since they've made it clear that they think a diagnosis is an excuse; it's permission to "act autistic." WTF. I'm starting to think there's a reason why there's so much speculation about people in history. They couldn't be authentic. The world wasn't and still isn't ready for us.
💖
Why there is no talking about taking the Autism test when we feel psychological safety and security, when we are in Ventral Vagal VERSUS when we are stressed, when we fill in the test with knowing how we think when we are feeling unsafe - the results will be different. Being stressed = ACoA, ACE, experiencing narc assault, mobbing, bullying.
@@ranc1977 Always think of your worst day when doing tests. That is the level of functioning you need help with ! This is not cheating but just stating medical facts as long as you advise the professional. Same as you do with a medical doctor when describing physical symptoms
@@ingerfaber3411 "Always think of your worst day when doing tests."
I was doing the opposite!
I was trying to keep cheerful and positive and to present myself in functional as functional way.
This is not explained at all in CBT nor self help.
Medical industry in mental health is scam!
This is extremely dangerous manipulation by researchers.
What happens is if I do take my worst day as the basis - and then get the diagnosis - I will start to build personality around this diagnosis.
For example - I may be labeled as socially anxious. Then the next time I experience stimulation overload - I will label it as panic - and then behave in panic way and force myself to fulfill the prophecy of DSM.
I will have the choice to do differently - but I will lean onto diagnosis - even though I have full power to make better decisions.
With diagnosis I will simply think -- why care anyway? Why bother at all?
Why try it?
CBT and self help are doing incredible psychological damage to anyone seeking honest help and answers.
IFS Model tells us that there are multiple parts of personalities inside us. We all have spectrum of persona and mental parts inside us.
When we feel difficult emotions such as panic, fear, anxiety - there may be parts of ourselves that are resilient. But with general diagnosis I will shoot myself in the foot and self sabotage myself by following Aristotelian black and white thinking, binary thinking that if I feel fear that all my being is being afraid - which is not true at all.
This messed me up, CBT and self help industry mislead me to believe in this black and white thinking.
Whenever I hear people say this or try to say "everyone's like that, get over it" they're trying to make excuses for not accomodating you.
ooo you hit the nail on the head
1:41 OMG, a spotted-tail quoll! 😯 I'm thrilled you used footage of these special marsupials. :) I did a deep dive into learning about marsupials for an art project, and I'm still rather obsessed. Numbats are my favorite. 💗
I spent most of my life questioning my existence, and there were a few times I thought I wasn't even human
The first guy is such a hypocrite. "You just want to be special" Yeah but I'm not the one telling a group of people that their existence is fake and made up for them to feel different. He wants a new wording for the same shtick of "You're wrong because I said so." Just so he can feel special. Wow...Ironic how he's self-projecting so hard...
He talking about tiktok girl self diagnostic.
@@samueltv9428it’s crazy how most people here don’t realize he’s talking about normal people faking being autistic, not actual autistic people.
oh my god, this comment section completely roasted this guy😆
I'm a 38 year old American black male. And, after an anxiety fallout due to work (a decade plus in senior advertising roles), with over a year of sessions with a psychiatrist, she informed me that I'm not losing my mind, I'm simply "on the spectrum" and working from home is boiling my condition to the surface. I felt relieved, BUT I am also rather ashamed to tell anyone. So, yeah, I'm with ya' in this video.
Glad you felt safe enough to express yourself here and I'm happy you have someone to talk to and who obviously understands you. It's weird to me (as a pretty privileged white guy) that people seem to equate Autism with race, gender or both. To me as long as you have a brain you can have any condition associated with it.
Thanks for commenting about your experience. I’m a younger white woman, but your description of excessive high performance work, burnout, and feeling like you were losing your mind before getting diagnosed resonates a lot with me. I’m so glad you got a diagnosis, it’s not easy for anybody and then bias in the medical world makes it even harder for a lot of people. I’m still not comfortable telling anyone either. I hope we both get there someday!
Something very similar happened to me (I'm just a bit older) ... it took the strain of family-raising (3 homeschooling children), 80+ hour weeks in software dev back to back (working from home for about a decade), and leadership in a growing church to cause it to 'come to the surface' in a massive burnout that peaked 6-9 months ago. Wondering why I was failing to handle any of these pressures comparably to any of my colleagues with similar responsibilities and schedules gradually took me down the path.
My wife recognized it almost immediately when we started discussing / researching, but trying to tell a couple of closest friends hasn't gone so well. (Pretty sure no one else outside immediate family who have known me for decades believes it, others think I've gone a bit sideways.) Only tried to tell a few people because of trying to get support / understanding for what is happening to me and why I can't fulfill roles I used to, but I think all I've done is convince some folks I'm borderline crazy and lose respect.
Yes, for me its a similar circumstance to yours that led to being referred for assessment. But im a 34 yo female european. I wish you the best on your journey.
Older Australian Male here and please just know you are not alone, I am glad you found a good psychiatrist to help you.
I came to the channel for my son, and I have learned more about myself than I thought could be possible
I was seeing a psychologist a few years back, she hinted at "Neurodivergent" but I had no idea what that meant and I did not get to follow up with her (I was not rich enough for on going consultation) and well recently my sons specialist told me I "really should get assessed" like she saw something,.
so yeah here I am searching for information, and totally in agreement with the video and the host
I didn’t figure out I was autistic until my son was diagnosed a few years ago and I was researching accommodations and ways I could help him. I wound up finding a list of traits of women with low support needs autism and wound up checking off almost every one of the boxes. I took it to my therapist who, at first, was a little dismissive but after I pointed out several things I do that she’s seen, we both concluded that I probably am. I cannot afford a formal diagnosis and where I’m at, it would only be a hindrance for me at this point.
It was nice having an answer for the reason I’ve always felt the way I have and it’s nice being able to relate to my son this way. But since unmasking and learning to listen to my body and it’s needs, I’ve had SERIOUS skill regression and it’s been so hard just to learn how to cope day to day, even with accommodations.
I would LOVE to be NT. I don’t want to be ‘special’. I would give anything to just have a normal brain that lets me get through my day like a normal ass person. But I’m not. And I don’t think people like the first guy understand what it’s like to just want to be NORMAL. To just want to be a functioning person.
And to the second guy, yes. We need to understand intersectional issues when it comes to mental health. Totally agree there. But I don’t think he addressed it properly and I don’t think he should have done spoken on a video aimed at harming neurodivergent people saying he agrees with the guy, then makes a completely separate point. 😒
Wow, if I'd only known growing up that being terrorized by bullies every day was special treatment & movie star privilege.
As an autistic person myself; I can 100% say that I am not "Privileged".
Back in late 2022 and early 2023 I started speaking to this girl that claimed she was interested in me and at first things seemed alright but eventually I opened up and told her I was autistic. This was a massive mistake because she then used that against me to manipulate money out of me under the guise that I was "helping her" in her tough life. There was even some times when I'd send money so she could get a taxi to come see me but never show up. Stupidly I believed her lies for why she didn't show up and I ended up sending more money.
Wasn't until my family got involved that I finally woke up and realized what she was doing. Sadly by then I'd sent over £1000 to her and I never got it back.
Point I'm making by sharing this story is no; Us Autistic people are not "Privileged", we get bulled, manipulated, and gaslighted many times in our lives. It sucks and what makes it worse is many people in our families do not understand it and just bounces off our concerns with excuses.
I'm so sorry that happened 💔 I don't understand how someone could do something like that.
@@imautisticnowwhat I guess the love of money just removes all sense of empathy and respect. It's alright though, this was over a year ago and I've moved on.
My poor friend went to get a diagnosis and ended up with an avoidant personality disorder dx. Afterwards he said he couldn’t figure out why he got this and I told him I think that he’d become too good at masking and was now doing it automatically. The doctor who diagnosed me had to stay with me an extra hour because basically she told me I seemed way too social and “put together” to be autistic. So I had to dig down and tell her the truth about things that were actually quite humiliating and painful to share with anyone. I got my diagnosis but because my friend wasn’t given that extra time and empathy, his imposter syndrome and shame got quite bad. Not that there are many resources available but he’s actually someone who NEEDS them.
When I went through my assessment, the specialist pushed me on a particular question to the point that my mask broke down. She laughed and said ,"THERE it is!" That was quite clever, in retrospect.
@@hiddenrioKinda mean though.
@@Catlily5 She was autistic herself, so I didn't take it personally. I'd been masking for half a century at that point. It was worth a small amount of distress and discomfort for a more accurate assessment.
@@hiddenrio That's why I said kinda.
This is why it should be encouraged to self explore beforehand. Take 100s of tests, do research for 6 months to a year. Learn all you can first. I didn't know about masking until after I thought I might have ADHD at 40 and a diagnosis. They both go hand in hand so much I started seeing info about masking and was like 🤯 The more I read about it, the more I dove deeper into my past experiences and really analyzed how I felt in interactions and it made me see how much I was actually masking. It becomes 2nd nature and we don't realize or know it's even a thing. This is why self diagnosis should be encouraged and more widely accepted as a good tool. One of the initial tests I took regarding masking was early on and I did score in the low range but as I learned more and did some self discovery I retook that test and my score was much higher. I was even masking in these anonymous online tests!! 😅 I was able to connect more with myself and how I felt and realized while yes I can maintain eye contact, I hate it. It makes me very uncomfortable. While I can make small talk, I would honestly rather chew glass 🤣 A lot of these doctors don't spend much time learning about Autism and even when they do, there are so many social aspects that are not apart of their schooling and so much of what is known is outdated. Most Autistic people I have ever talked to have agreed that we would be able to tell if someone was Autistic in a matter of min. I could probably get the test down to 10 questions at most. Just want to add, even if someone isn't Autistic and they get a benefit from accommodations and it helps them live a better life, it takes nothing away from other Autistic people. Literally nothing.
Regarding that first guy... I literally save lives for a living. I am that hero that people dream of being. I have dug people out of earthquake rubble, air lifted them from flood waters, and created fire line breaks to get people out of the paths of forest fires.
It does not change the absolute relief I felt being diagnosed with ADHD as a 28 year old. It answered so many questions I had. It healed a lot of the pain of childhood.
My point is, you can be "unique and special" or whatever he was banging on about and still find absolute joy in your diagnosis. I do.
(Edit: spelling error)
Oh I saw an article earlier today cited by an ADDitude article reporting that there is actually a really disproportionately high amount of firefighters with ADHD
@@bradiedean7466 Yep, same with the military. I know when I was in high school they were actively recruiting people with ADHD because we're able to hyperfixate on a task while taking in a ton of outside stimulus.
(Edit: spelling error)
@@wildcat1227 Ironically (at least when I joined) an ADHD diagnosis would disqualify you from enlistment. Most people just didn't mention it. My brother and I were both able to serve because we didnt bring it up and hadnt been on medication in years. My third brother tried to join but was denied for this exact reason.
To add to this, I had a drill instructor scream at a recruit next to me, accusing him of being adhd and stating he was going prove it and get him kicked out on fraudulent enlistment.
No doubt there are a large number of ADHDers and ASD level 1 individuals in the Military and in Fire but unfortunately it is usually kept discreet.
Looked up the current rules. It is no longer an automatic disqualifier but you will still be disqualified if you have taken medication in the last 24 months or required work place accommodations after age 14 or have any co-morbid conditions.
(This is in the US, likely different in other countries)
I'm not rescue personnel but as an industrial hazmat technician I'm trained to still do some crazy brave shit. I've crawled under subfloors, playing twister around pipes transporting hydrofluoric acid. I've been lowered into industrial paint tanks to chisel dried road paint off the insides. I've been around extremely unstable compounds that required bomb squad intervention. I'm trained to be a first responder to hazardous materials spills on job sites. Safety is my special interest.
But yeah... me thinking I might be autistic is just me trying to find something "special" about myself lol 🤪
@@FailSafe161 Your name matches your job description well!
I hope you find the answers you seek one day. You deserve it. 💜
I don't know how so many people can jump to the conclusion that someone simply stating their identity means they want to be "special".
I'm so glad I found your video. I have to be honest, I have thought some of these things before and I'm grateful you were kind enough to make this video so I can check myself.
There is a conversation to be had about the intersection of being neurodivergent and being in a less marginalized community. Whenever I hear the words "autistic" or "ADHD" I think of a white boy who is stimming (drumming on his desk and disrupting others) and is saying "blunt" (sometimes rude) things and getting away with it all. Now I know that's not the case, but I think that's where the "privileged" idea may come from. Black kids can't get away with speaking bluntly. Girls are prevented from making any kind of noise. Even today, black kids and girls (and especially black girls) are underdiagnosed for autism and ADHD for a myriad of reasons. We aren't given the grace that white boys are given when it comes to behavior. And now that more diverse people are saying "hey, maybe I wasn't a 'problem child,' maybe I have X condition." some others are threatened by the idea that the stereotype of a neurodiverse white boy who got away with everything is incorrect.
The privilege isn't from being neurodiverse. If anything, it lessens priviledge. Black kids with autism are still black. Girls with ADHD are still girls. The diagnosis doesn't change how we are treated in the world. We don't have the privilege of "getting away with everything." It just gives context for ourselves and can maybe impact how we navigate through it.
You make a really good point, say it louder for the people in the back
Whenever I hear of autism and adhd I think of my lows in life🐯🧸
I wish more ADHD/Autistic content creators would address this more often. I think maybe because a majority of the most successful ones are white & cis they think that it's not their place to comment on it or acknowledge it? It's just like you said though, at the end of the day if you fall into any of those marginalized groups, it's gonna affect how the world shapes you AND how any neurodivergence presents itself. I guess also unfortunately because ADHD & Autistic folks may have more trouble looking at social nuances they may not fully grasp how drastically it affects some marginalized communities. In turn, they may not think to have a nuanced conversation about how the implications of both being privledged and neurodivergent may intersect. Autistic or ADHDers can also tend to fall into 'black & white' thinking patterns where they may think that a white person with Autism = the exact same life experience as a black person with Autism & just genuinely not consider the environmental conditions that may mould each person differently. I would also like to add that generally children (boys, white, wealthy, parents educated in this topic, you get what I mean) in places of privledge get diagnosed far younger and have more care afforded to them vs. any marginalized folks who, if they even get diagnosed at all, will not be afforded this same care & patience. I think genuinely a lot of privledged Autistic/ADHD children don't grow up around any other diagnosed kids who may be different than them so they grow up with a sense of 'authority' that places them at the center of these discussions. Hence the mental image of the rude, hyperactive white boy. Anyways, I never see anyone else mention this part of the discussion in a nuanced & not disparaging manner, and I feel like you summarized it really well. Not to bash on this channel at all either, she's wonderful & helped me so much with her videos. ( ◜‿◝ )♡
You’re so real for this. You put my thoughts and life into simple words
This tracks with what I learned in my life development class that middle class white males are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. think about it in regard to autism. Who has high functioning autism been historically studied on? The “savant” white boy genius types who everyone STILL assumes are the only ones who “really” have autism
I think another thing that these neurodivergency "callouts" are missing is that just by being autistic or having ADHD you might be perceived as more obnoxious by neurotypical people either because your personality and communication style is different or because you're just very eager to finally find relatable friends online, so you might put more focus on it than those particular NT folks would find tasteful or something.
growing up undiagnosed autistic
when i went to secondary school, the first thing i told myself ''alright from today on im going to be normal''
didnt know this was an attempt at masking
needless to say
i failed the masking
Yo! I've recognized myself as a square peg for ages! I love that you put the square peg in a round hole thing, it's the clearest way to express how I feel.
Yeah, I was called Monster. This was because people would bully me, and I would retaliate through words . . . Loudly, I guess. I hated the injustice of being treated so badly when I thought I was like everyone around me. Why me and nobody else? Right? I was diagnosed after I graduated high school.
it’s kinda morbidly funny looking back at what my childhood bullies bullied me over and realizing they were right, like for both being trans and autistic. if only i was told with love instead of hate, maybe i would’ve recognized those parts of who i am a lot earlier
Had the same issue. I'm a very loud person. The moment I see BS I cannot help myself.
Me too. I am the gentlest person in the world. So gentle in fact you might think you could bully me and push me forever. But at a certain point I snap and then there’s no hope for you. Luckily I’ve learned over the years the signs and excuse myself from people and situations that push me there.
Same here. I was told for over 20 years that I was an evil person, manipulating people twice my age with dramatic crocodile tears so that I could get everything I wanted without having to work for it.
"Everything I wanted" was love, understanding, acceptance, affection, and accommodation.
I'm a good person. I dont want to control or take advantage of people. I just want to be treated fairly and when I am very obviously being treated worse, I either call it out or break down crying, both of which are somehow perceived as emotional manipulation.
Right around highschool i was stabbed almost set on fire and had been locked out of my classroom during a school lockdown so yeah i can relate to your struggles. I hated highschool
I don't call myself autistic because I want to be special. I call myself autistic because my entire childhood was physically and emotionally painful. From the moment my mom turned on my light to wake me up for school until dinnertime with the foods that set off my sensory sensitivities, I was constantly overwhelmed and in pain. I never got any love or sympathy from anyone, even though I was so constantly overstimulated that I was showing signs of chronic pain. My own parents thought I was a freak and wanted nothing to do with me unless I learned how to stop being myself. They tried to "fix" me with very ABA-esque methods that were often traumatic and humiliating. I was scared, overwhelmed, and crying nearly every day for the first twenty-something years of my life. I was constantly told that it was "not cute anymore" as if I was choosing to be upset to the point of tears.
Even when I cut off my neglectful family and went out into a failing economy to try to survive on my own, I kept finding myself in situations where people would be kind to me, offer me support, then right as I started to get comfortable, they would begin to withdraw emotionally before criticizing me in the same way my parents did, implying i was knowingly upsetting them and being emotionally manipulative to get what I wanted.
I dont call myself autistic because it makes me feel special. I call myself autistic because I've been told my entire life that I am an evil, deceitful emotional manipulator that uses crocodile tears to trick people into giving them what I wanted. And after over 20 years of being left broken after just wanting someone to love me as I am, I had begun to believe that maybe I *was* a bad person and was simply too unintelligent to be self-aware.
Finally, *FINALLY* after over 2 decades of suffering and guilt, I finally found a label that explains why my life has been so difficult. And that label is not "manipulator" or "weird."
@@ville__shut up
@anaveragekiwi just report his comments for spam. If he gets reported enough, his account should eventually be taken down
@anaveragekiwi - report the comment/account. I did. The whole "I make better content than this" on every comment sounds like a bot.
I'm sorry you experienced that. I hope that you can find/create your family of affinity and community who supports you and you can heal and thrive. ❤❤❤
@@anaveragekiwi When you see a comment like that it's best to report them as spam. Any engagement encourages them.
The only time I'm "faking it" is because I have to mask myself for people like him. I find his ignorance to be uncomfortable.
this video was very comforting it’s lovely to have people able to articulate and defend those of us who aren’t able to do so on such a scale
Late diagnosed and spent my life crying "I just want to be normal" this dude is clueless. And honestly let people think they are autistic even if they aren't. Theres power in numbers. Worst case scenario we accommodate more people which makes it easier for all of us with autism.
And some of the accommodations that would make things easier for autists would make things easier for non-autists, too. It's a win for everyone, but nope-- gotta make sure things stay awful for no good reason.
This is a point I've tried to verbalize for so long but have never quite gotten it. Like okay what is the worst case scenario even if some people think they're autistic and then at some point find out they aren't. like, how is that hurting us?
Right? I guess that as a child I deliberately sucked at every sport because I wanted people to make fun of me. And I stimmed in first grade because I just loved having my teacher call it out for everyone else to notice. And when I meet someone new I just love that inevitable moment when the look in their eye suddenly changes and I can tell they are trying to get away. It makes me feel so unique and special.
@@InAHollowTree yeah, that’s a huge thing! many accessibility improvements helps everyone, not just people with disabilities. and similarly, most of the tools and tricks that can be helpful for people with autism and/or adhd can be helpful for everyone, just not _necessary_
Reminds me of a video of a guy claiming depression can be cured by just stopping being depressed
What a deceitfully simple solution, don't you wish everything worked that way? Oh, I seem to have overdrawn on my bank account... I think I'm just going to ~decide~ to run into an extra 50k in cash out of the blue. Imagine how different our world would be.
two days ago some dude said "mental health is a choice"
i wish i was so lucky i thought anxiety and autism and depression were fashion statements because i had never experienced them myself
the truth is these things feel like prisons
Fucking genius.
(I am joking btw)
@@phat-kid Sounds like someone who has not been neck deep into shit. Disregard them, they will learn eventually.
As someone who has learned how to (mostly) manage depression (I wanted to end program when I was 3 years old)
Eventually, at a certain point, you do actually get to decide if you're gunna be depressed or not.
Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you just are, just the way depression is. And those can be scary because you don't know when you'll come back from that.
But every day the depression still invites you, and you gotta choose not to go with it.
I used to not eat breakfast, but I do now, because it gets me out of bed, gets me doing something, gets my mind focused on food, and gives me a wake-up boost.
Sometimes I have to drag myself through it, but so what. If life feels like a drag, might as well drag yourself to the next thing, and the next, and the next, till you actually get something done and it doesn't feel like a worthless drag, but maybe a worthwhile one.
Ultimately, how you feel emotionally, doesn't always mean something.
You can choose to ignore your feelings when you can recognise that they are actually being dumb and getting in the way.
That is not at all to say ignore your feelings and become and emotionless drone. Quite the opposite actually.
It invites you to take the reigns and have more influence over the stormy dark seas of your mentalscape.
Thank you for mentioning that using Autism to justify treating people poorly or hurtfully is unacceptable. I am uncovering a diagnosis myself and I had someone in my life continually use their own self diagnosis of Autism to explain or justify why they did messed up stuff. And that always floored me. Good to feel validated by that statement, so again, thank you!
Thank you for your very thoughtful and considerate responses to these videos. I love your channel!
It doesnt make me feel special, it makes me understand my life. Fuck bullies. I literally felt like a square peg that life rammed into a round hole and the sides got shaved off my whole life. Theres plenty of fake people. I was just told yesterday by a new neighbor that I dont look autistic like their 5 year old nephew. It was the last string. I was like okay that nice, have a good day, and left.
Beter question at this point is why is feeling special so fucking wrong, why are people not allowed to celebrate who they are, why must autism be defined by misery, you have to be suffering enough or your not a real autism. I swear to God it's the transtrenders bullshit all over again
That's a pretty good metaphor.
Yup. And people think that since they wore me down to eventually fit in the round hole, that I am magically cured and no longer disabled. Like, no, I am just broken in a way that helps me function without the support I actually need. I want my corners back and I want that damn square hole!
@UTTP298why did you copy and paste the other person's comment
@@ThignotIt's low effort bargain bin trolling
I really don't know why people think this is about wanting to "be special". Like...no, it's not about being special or feeling something, it's about figuring out what has been going on in your WHOLE LIFE, why you struggled, what things you struggled with, and to figure out what help you need.
It's literally...just so that people can get the assistance and accommodation they need in a world not built for them.
If I wanted to feel special I'd just do something cool with my clothes or audition for something, or whatever.
I think that these content creators probably value social status and external validation (or "being special" ) more than anything. I imagine that, in their pursuit to be deemed special, they worked hard to build a following on social media. Maybe they tried to go viral with any means possible, even if it meant pretending to be something they are not, or covering topics they don't necesserily enjoy.
Then, they see a seemingly regular person talking about their lived experience on social media go viral overnight, without any effort put in the technical quality of the content. They feel bitter about it, but they forget that, on social media, the secret ingredient is literally ✨️authenticity and relatability✨️. And that's the one ingredient these social climbing creators don't have.
So they feel bitter about it and they believe that only hard work can be rewarded, without considering that authenticity plays a major part. They probably struggle to see out of their own perspective, so they assume that everyone is as calculating as they are. 🤷🏼♀️
Damn, that is a really good take. Thanks for writing it! I def agree, and think another layer to it might be that they assume everyone is fake because of a lense of life through social media--when irl, while many people fake it, it is not usually THAT concentrated like it is on platforms. @@Nivieee
@@Nivieee LOL imagine actually believing that anything on social media is actually authentic and not just an attempt at social validation. 🤣🤣🤣
Exactly! I'd rather better understand why I am the way I am than be "special".
I am an artist. That makes me more special not being autistic. Though actually everyone is probably special in one way or another.
this is such a well made commentary!! My older siblings have recently started exploring the idea that they may be on the spectrum, so I want to learn more. Tiktok is full of contradictory and self diagnosis. This video was so very well made, and you explored many angles too which I always appreciate. Thank you :)
I really like this video. I like the points you made about how everything the two tiktokers say isn't backed up by anything, it's all based on their thoughts and opinions. I also loved the point you made about how no one really has the authority to decide whether a label is genuine or not.
You've earned yourself a new subscriber and I look forward to watching more of your content :)
In movies or books, weird kids who got bullied at school, and are main characters, get cool stories, adventures and end up pretty successful. Maybe that's where seeing them as "special" comes from. Absolutely far from reality, where not only you have psychological trauma from all the bullying but also struggle to get a job, relationship, medical help. Not being able to make a phone call unless my life depends on it doesn't make me special, but disabled.
This is actually such a good comparison-
This is the reason I write usually disabled or unfortunate characters. When you have circumstances that are different, it just gives the right sense of what could be
This
@@UTTP298 ????
People tend to underestimate how the media affects minorities.
Dude says people gotta stand out to be special but sounds like a real life AI voice generator.
THANK GOD I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD IT
He's also just another tiktokker throwing his ignorant opinions out there. If he really feels that he can tell people that they're not autistic or that they're not important, then why isn't he doing anything important himself?
And insulting people for how they *_happen to speak_* just because you don't like and/or agree with what they say and/or think is totally fair/justified. Right? 🤦♀
also tiktok filters make it look like hes wearing a ton of concealer which is funny cuz he strikes me as the kind of man who would object to makeup on men lawl
@@handsomebear.fr just because they are wrong doesn’t mean y’all can make fun of his voice. Make fun of his actions not the voice he was born with
The first section about how you felt and feel being late diagnosed around 2-4 mins in.. I have NEVER heard someone explain what I deal with and experienced so perfectly. ty
I'm only three minutes in but this video is already extremely validating; I just got tested recently, in my early 20s, and everyone who insisted I wasn't autistic and claimed that they would "be able to tell" if I was shut up so quick once I got officially diagnosed.
It's exactly as you said. I've always felt that there was something different about me but simply didn't have a term to attach it to until I became older.
These people make no sense. It's like they stop thinking after coming to their conclusion.
People who self harm are a great example actually. These people are certain it's all for attention. Ok, that's completely wrong, but let's assume it is for attention. Do they really think healthy people harm themselves for attention? Sometimes to a life threatening extend? Because why? I'd really love to hear a legitimate argument.
I certainly did not harm myself for attention. My world shattered when someone found out.
Why would healthy neurotypical people seek out a diagnosis? How privileged are those who are diagnosed? I don't feel privileged. I suffered my whole life and questioned myself, blamed myself and got treated like trash. I got answers when I was diagnosed at 29, still waiting for those privileges to set in.
Stupid. Just absolutely stupid, ignorant and infuriating.
I mean, it takes so long and costs a lot (usually, I think?) to get assessed. I was diagnosed with autism as a teenager, but wanted a second opinion as an adult and I found a quote for about £600, but it can be more. Why would anyone spend that kind of money if they didn’t feel there was anything to investigate?! Especially when you get flack from people like this clown for being open about your neurodivergence.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel Exactly! There can be very negative consequences to the diagnosis depending on where you live.
Besides being treated poorly by society, before and after.
One of my friends said he has no sympathy bc"they cut themselves to make it look like they have problems when they don't." If someone goes to the point of hurting themselves to get someone's attention, there is something seriously wrong. Another said "If they really wanted to die, they'd do it right."
This brings to the surface a major problem I have with tragic stories. Especially people unaliving themselves or medical trauma that goes unnoticed. Comments are about how sad it is that they had nobody. Why didn’t they ask for help? People need to be more caring. On and on and on. And yet when someone does open up or ask for help, they are met with denial and mockery. What this guy( and many others) says is seared into people’s brains along with the accompanying comments.
People will cheer for someone who overcame something but ridicule someone who is currently going through it.
"People will cheer for someone who overcame something but ridicule someone who is currently going through it."
Please don't take this as confrontational, but I feel like the way that sentence is put perpetuates the issue. People will cheer for someone who was capable of overcoming something, but ridicule someone who is similarly afflicted, but incapable of overcoming the same or a similar situation due to variations in their condition.
I hope you don't mind the pedantry and can give me the benefit of the doubt that this is just my take, and in no means is meant to attack or degrade you.
@@dragletsofmakara1120
“nobody wants to be typical” i yearn to be normal every single day and for a long time i thought everyone felt that way
I just want to be myself
"One thing that does help you to reach your potential in life, is to receive accommodations for any disability that you may have. ... If you want people to be doing special things out in the world, it's probably a good idea to meet them where they are and offer them some extra help." 👏👏👏
Hi there. I am not autistic but I do have some other conditions for which there is a lot of misinformation, sensationalization by the media, and mishandling by the healthcare system. I came across your videos just recently and I just wanted to say that I find your content soothing because I relate to it so much.
It sucks that so many groups of people go through this, but it really resonates with me, the notion, as you said, that you can finally get a diagnosis and "know what's wrong" and know what has always held you back...only to find out that the diagnosis itself will now hold you back even MORE because of the stigma. Because you no longer have "plausible deniability" that you are "normal" and therefore can ever be "acceptable" if people just rugsweep enough. It's so heartbreaking and overwhelming.
Good for you for calling out these harmful behaviors and statements by people who really don't know what they're talking about. The gentleman you talk about in the first five minutes (that's as far as I've gotten so far and felt compelled to speak) has a point (exactly one) that a lot of people want to be special...but that's only normal people. People who are on the outside of that desperately want to be let in, as you said! When you responded to him I chuckled a bit, because he's clearly projecting XD Dude. Bro, please...look in the mirror... You never win an argument by withholding or tearing down someone else's diagnosis!
Just diagnosed and I'm *60* years old! I don't feel above anybody else; just relieved that I finally know why I'm so weird and that I can't help it, nor have I ever been able to. Wish I'd figured it out sooner, but I'm really happy I did. I never tried to "stand apart from the crowd" (eyeroll). I just did. And now I know why.
thank youuu for making that first point. i haven't been diagnosed autistic (though i'm pretty much positive that i am, & plan to seek evaluation soon), when i was diagnosed with adhd at 26 years old, everyone in my life told me to stop telling myself that i'm different from everyone else because i'm "special" just the way i am or whatever. i've tried for YEARS to explain that the diagnosis is NOT what made me feel different from everyone else - it was a lifetime of... you know, ACTUALLY BEING DIFFERENT than most people! that's what made me feel different. before diagnosis, i simply felt inherently broken, like my struggles were as a result of moral failings and lack of trying and etc etc. the diagnosis gave me a reason for my differences that was something other than me simply being lazy, stupid, or broken. just as you said, we are already given labels throughout our life by virtue of being neurodivergent (especially autistic people). but for some reason the only labels that people seem to take issue with are ones like "autistic".
like, you people were already labeling us as broken or too sensitive or lazy or any number of other awful things all throughout our lives, but suddenly the label "autistic" or "neurodivergent" is too far? i guess they're okay with us hating and blaming ourselves for our differences. what they AREN'T okay with is us accepting our differences and struggles as being unique and not our fault. they really just want us to hate ourselves, imo. that and/or they simply don't like us "victimizing" ourselves with labels. as if these sorts of people aren't the ones who victimized us our entire lives. :/ it's okay when they give us labels and victimize us, but not when we give ourselves a label and realize that we've been victimized. it's sooo beyond ridiculous. but you put it very concisely and accurately, so thank you!
I just think a lot of people really struggle to empathise with the experience, unfortunately 💔
Nice pfp
@@vincent2890yess viiiiiiiii
@@imautisticnowwhat i'm sure you have the right of it and it's not like they do it out of spite, tbh. i think the frustration with constantly being misunderstood and accused of just making things up makes it too easy to default to being overly defensive, at least in my case, and assuming ill intent where there really isn't any, even if the assumptions that people make and narratives they spread are doing real harm to neurodivergent people. most likely they do have good intentions, like everyone, and are just ill informed. thanks again 💕
@@vincent2890 Ty, you too :D
I've been called "special" plenty in my life, especially for my autism... I promise it was never a word used in kindness. I'd have given anything sometimes, for people to think me ordinary, or to think nothing of me at all.
With anything like this it just comes down to someone going “My reality and how I experience the world is the only kind I know and I’m sticking with it.” People are different, it’s common sense.
Hey, new viewer and loving your content so far! My husband and I are both undiagnosed but resonate very much with what we've learned about neurodivergence, and our lives have improved directly as a result of applying life/relationship strategies that are designed for neurodivergent people. What I think so many people (like the ones in this video) misunderstand is that the reason for applying labels or diagnoses to ourselves is to help guide us in developing coping strategies to live our lives as happily and successfully as we can. That being said, what I think is causing people to misunderstand this is that it is unfortunately social media in which these things are being discussed - and social media, by nature, is literal attention seeking. There really isn't any way around that. Where I think "publicly reflecting on one's identity" on social media can veer into the territory of "exploiting one's identity for attention" is in the following scenarios:
1. The person overly focuses on the discrimination that people of their identity can face, and focus minimally (or not at all) on simply humanizing themselves and people like them.
2. The person makes deliberate efforts to implore viewers to consider also labeling themselves with that same identity label as them
3. The person generally focuses more on the label/community itself rather than actually discussing the implications of that label and how it can be a useful tool for improving outlook and lifestyle in a helpful way.
Because of the self promotional nature of late stage capitalism that is seeping very much into the social media landscape, the unfortunate reality is that content creators do have somewhat of an incentive to frame their content in a way that draws viewers in by making them feel like they are part of a community that "understands them."
I do wish that content creators in general would be more mindful of noticing when they may be using their social media as a replacement for therapy and healthy self-validation.
I’ve been looking for more thought through takes on this issue and I haven’t found many so good job to you. Although the lack of it does make sense concerning this is social media. And I’m so glad that you’ve been able to find things for you and your husband that are helping you.
I had a meltdown of sorts today while going out with my family. There were suddenly many people everywhere, all the sounds seemed to get louder, my paranoia and anxiousness only got worse and my mom only made it worse, blaming me and telling me to just "control it" so everyone else could have a good time. I got so overwhelmed at one point I just sat and cried while my grandma tried to comfort me. I felt just SOOOO special, I sure do love the treatment I get for being autistic!
:( so relatable. I hope you’re doing okay
@@Bree-ree yeah im much better now dont worry! My mom apologized and i ended up having a good time(as best as i could lol)
Sorry to hear you relate to my story, things will get better for the both of us im sure! :)
@@alexp728 aww good I’m glad! 😌
Sooo in other words you made a scene in public and were the center of attention and didn’t like the kind of attention you got. And never once did you care whatsoever about how the other 10 people in the room felt, because you’re the center of the world. What exactly did you want everyone else to do, stop the world just for you?
@@bluecannibaleyes i almost wasted a lot of words with you, but seeing how absolutely bat shit crazy you sound assuming things about my life, I'll just say you're a troll and move on. Have a great day 😊
Okay. As a Black American I have had experiences where autistic people equated being neurodivergent with oppression based on race. Usually the shortcoming is when I try to express the unique discrimination I am/have experienced based on my race, and they proceed to say they experience the exact same thing because they are autistic and refrain from giving me the space to speak further. Like, "Yeah I already get it I'm also discriminated against" but instead of feeling like we are relating in a similar struggle they are equating and dismissing the racial aspect of the experience. BUT these were very few, AND this happens with other marginalized groups too. It's not an "autistic problem", it's literally just a result of discussions of the intersectionality of discrimination between different groups being a complicated subject. I'm trying to say, that I understand what Yuval was attempting to communicate because I've felt it before.
But the first video Yucal posted, should never have been made in the first place. His second video better communicate his actual point that I've experienced before without centering it on throwing autistic people under the bus. It also unintentionally legitimize what the first Tiktoker was claiming because at no point does he contradict the statements, he just adds different points to the conversation. Neurodivergent people are delegitimized over, and over and he should have seen how his video furthered those misconceptions. He should have made the second video on his own time with as much care and intention as he did before because he is talking about marginalized groups like being autistic and queer.
There is value in comparing and contrasting marginalized experiences, but only if everyone in the conversation understands that just because the experiences have similarities doesn’t mean their equivalent. Even racial experiences aren’t the same as an example my experience of being a Copt isn’t the same as someone who is black.
Exactly! It's not a problem if the person is actually autistic or not, the problem is acting as if it excuses them from ever playing into white supremacy.
Yes racism is digusting but sorry to say but discrimination is just that and it doesnt matter why it happen or if you feel yours is worse. The are many autistic children who grew up without friends, bullied and beaten in School, teachers yelling at them and then just to come home and have the same experience there for being different. In many cases it doesnt even change as an adult and job interviews just forget about it they will take one look and decide. Take a look at how many % of autistic people who are without work. So yes you get hate for your race and they often dont even understand why they get hate but many get it everyday and even as adults so the outcome will many times be the same whatever you feel about it.
Thanks for sharing, that makes a lot of sense
@@johannilsson29 his point, and I'm saying this as another black autistic person, is that our race makes being autistic that much more stigmatized and dangerous for us. We have to deal with the stigma of being black, ON TOP OF the tangible and constant danger we face for being black AND autistic in public. There is a compounding of ableism and racism, and whenever black autistic try to speak on this, we get hand-waved by other autistics who think that being a white autistic person is the exact same as being black and autistic. I was ostracized because of my blackness AND my autism, but the blackness was what they spoke on first. Acting like autistic people have the chokehold on isolation when systemic racism is holding hands with ableism is just short-sighted.
Yes, I'm aware of the unemployment and underemployment statistics. I'm currently trying to get work as a black autistic person in a very racist, conservative part of the US, and over 1000 applications later, less than five people have responded to me. My white autistic friends still have dramatically better luck finding work, even ones who share literally every other demographic with me (queer, disabled) except being black. Have you looked up how these metrics intersect with race, or did you just stop at autistic people?
Even nonwhite friends of color who aren't black don't experience the same discrimination, but they experience discrimination in other areas due to their cultural upbringing that I might not face.
In a lot of communities of color, autism is considered something that predominantly affects white people - something that's tied to privilege and the freedom to "be allowed to act that way," which is partially informed by the lack of access to care many of these communities have. Autism is divorced from the BIPOC cultural experience from the ground up, and by speaking on it, we make strides to bridge the knowledge gap. And that's worth speaking about.
Videos like this help start important discussions.