Bert Kreischer Dumps In His Pants - 2 Bears, 1 Cave Highlight
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- čas přidán 6. 07. 2022
- Bert has far too many stories about dumping his pants. But nothing will ever come close to his tennis camp story.
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Bert's reputation: THE MACHINE!!!!
Bert in real life: Mr. Poopy Pants.
Poop Machine.
No wonder he’s not invited anywhere special.
Imagine Bert in the space station 😨
@@Snoy_Fly Can't do it. I would have to imagine him making it past the centrifuge training without painting a room brown.
@@rallyfeind 🤣
"i shit my pants alot"
Lee Ann is one lucky woman..
Just remember men.. he is married. There is always hope 😂
that poor woman
LeeAnn's a fucking saint.
He's also rich...
It’s like being a child all of your life and finding someone that will put up with you . Luckily he has money ….
@@jcbv1012 he wasn’t when he got married
Imagine Bert as a bachelor with no support team….
He'd be dead and no one would know the machine story.
I can relate.
@@Henchman34 the machine story? You mean being a terrible stand up comic, alcoholic, obnoxious laugh and absolute moron? Yeah, GREAT, story.
Deceased
Cheerfully homeless?
I remember working in retail, going into the bathrooms and being like, "how does shit get all the way up there? How is that possible?" Now I know how.
Shit out Barnes & Noble
This podcast made Joe Derosa seem like an upstanding citizen
Bert: "Hey, you got a restroom I can borrow?"
Me with 3: "No"
How is Sal not gagging to death?!
Maybe because Berts just talking about it & not actually doing it right in front of him
Honestly I think this is the fastest I’ve believed Burp within a single video
That’ll happen when you eat crap food, don’t sleep well and drink all the time, Brett
🙄
You could eat the best food, the last one is still going to wreck your gut.
Brett would never.
He's heart attack waiting to happen
Brett has problems
He tells that tennis story like he was 10 years old. We know he was 40 when that happened.
It happened the week before this podcast
Can we get a cut of just bert saying "Im back at tennis camp, I'm naked and there's shit over everything"
I don’t think that’s how pooping works. Then again, your producer poops once every two weeks.
Maybe if they spend enough time together their pooping will sync up.
@@pistonburner6448 top comment 💀💀
This podcast has helped me through some dark times.
Last sentence a great clip
I've never heard or met someone else who can somehow shit against gravity until Bert.
"I roll the dice a lot." 😂
Did anyone else get the “Dump the Pump” advertisement? Lol perfect product placement
this guy literally never stops talking
Peak Podcast Content 😂
I remember a cleaning job when was a student, someone wrote 'hi' in shit on the wall.
Bert reminds me of a friend of mine, Bubba. Bubba has a lazy eye & pukes about every time we go out drinking. He is a wild good time & every night ends with a story. He has a huge heart of gold and is just a great guy but partying with him is always crazy.
I can’t believe I skipped two ads to hear this mans story about boo-boo . He’s a grown 47 year old man with a gag reflex telling another forty and some change man that he secretly shat in one of his people bathroom
Brent is 100% not going to be at he's daughters weddings
I think the last time I shit my pants was in 2009. I was at camp and while I was in bed, I gambled on a fart and did full blown diarrhea. I then had to sneak into the bathroom while everyone was asleep and clean myself up. I managed to shower and wash my underwear just in time for everyone to wake up in the morning. Nobody suspected a thing. 😂
I have only done it 1 time.. LOL 😆 the fact it happens so much to him is hilarious and gross simultaneously
I went to a super cool young couples house in Orange County back in the. Went upstairs took a monster dump that flooded the toilet. I tried my best best to stem the tide with towels. Unfortunately the force was strong with this one and liquid shit started dripping through the light fixture in front room below me.
it was then I learnt that some people are naturally cool and drive classic cars and some people are born to block those cool peoples toilet's.
Starting to think I need to re evaluate my life, dropped $160 for floor seats to see this shit fuck live😂😂 ok not gonna lie I'm here for it.
Bert is a international human treasure
I think Bert getting banned from those Comedy Condos was well warranted.
Did he get banned?. 😂
I was thinking, now how does he expect people to believe that he wasn’t the one who shit on the bed and threw up on the walls at that one comedy condo.
@@jeremyhoffman6878 exactly
I want to hear this waterfall/ravine story. Someone tell me which movie Bert watched and now thinks is a memory from his life.
Pretty sure it was during his time working for the Travel Channel
BERT!!! You HAVE to come back to Bristol and do the comedy festival again for 2 days next year, like YOU SAID!!! Request for you: everyone who was there this year and Tom, Theo, Rogan, Chapelle, Santino, Bobby Lee, Chris DeStefano, Delia, and Schultz!!! Just some ideas. Start asking now and get this place sold out. Camping at Bristol is a must!!! Guaranteed great time! Thanks so much for the great show. I finally found a Father's Day gift my husband loved!!!
When he talks about the half shit I understood completely
And my wife says I have a problem with shitting 😂😪
Country fried expression for the position Bert was in, "Only half time of that Superbowl"
I feel like bert just interviews himself lmao XD
It's not even like he can't make it to a toilet in time he just doesn't go🤣
Bert is the first person to have an interview show where the guests interview him.
I shit my pants when I was working as amazon delivery driver lmao. I had to delivered packages after.
Can this really still be called 2 bears 1 cave? It reminds me quite a bit of Bertcast.
Bert’s a terrible interviewer.
What is the water fall story
Brett Chrysler is a master interviewer.
"I'm naked and there's shit everywhere." -Burnt Krishna
This is the perfect conversation amongst men
....huh,..... yeah this seems to add up... not surprised honestly.
🤣🤣 a bouncer kicking someone out at 2am
This Bart Chrysler is the male version of a female comedian.
Metamucil. Game changer.
I shit my pants at the tennis club in the 80s went to grab my backup pants they were gone now I know where they went.
lex fridman needs bert on his podcast
no.
@@ChirpyMike ooooh yes we do
@@kevin-jm3qb we? Who's we?
@@ChirpyMike your mom and me... Who else? Kek
Snorting poppers might help. There's an idea. Poopers. Poppers but for pooping not bottoming.
1:44 Bert: I really enjoy shitting.
Well, yeah, that's why you do it in your pants all the time.
I listen to 2 bears for the thoughtful perspective of the human condition.
"Shit Machine"!
This is why I make sure to poop in the morning no matter what!
Audio version of laxative. Two minutes in and I can feel a BM churning
this conversation didnt need to happen
Can't trust a person who hasn't shitted themselves lol
What are you talking about? This isn’t normal.
@@negativeindustrial the Bert level isn't, but I question how 'normal' it is to have never done it even once. I think that's what op meant. People's bodies & experiences are different.
Burnt Kool-aid is the living embodiment of a man-child.
Why did he have to wait for the coffee to be done?! Just come back for it nigga like what even is that reasoning lmaoo
😂
The kuerig comment, right?
Thats too many times
I’ve shat em a dozen times or more waiting for the kuerig to finish brewing. Nothing better than a morning dump with a few sips of French roast. Nothing worse than not making it.
Be honest. Who else is dropping a bomb over Baghdad while watching this?
At 2:00 I had to run to the restroom to shit
Bert has a serious fuckin issue. I almost don’t even find it funny. As a grown adult continuing to shit all over bathrooms is the sign of incompetence. I bet everyone of these stories involves a shit load of alcohol(beside the tennis one) because anyone who has that much explosive runny shit has to be an alcoholic. I feel bad for him for real. It’s seriously like he hasn’t mentally aged past 18 yrs old. It’s embarrassing.
Wear depends.....
"Never trust a fart, and never waste a hard on"
I feel like Sal is able to maintain control of the conversation better than Tom. I think Tom doesn't want to tell his best friend to stay on tracks here as Sal helps him keep it together
LeAnn might need to be checked for visual percentage issues.
This might be the lowest point in podcast history.
Damn you didn't invite Bobby...
Don’t let this distract you from the fact that bert didn’t invite bobby to the july 4th party
Those are the kinda shits you usually have around the time a Doctor starts talking about cirrhosis of the liver.
Wait until Bert gets even older. Shitting gets even less predictable.
I swear to god this happened to me in middle school wrestling!! I let the kid pin me so I could throw out the singlet 😂
Me too but in 4th grade, my 1st year, at regional tournament to qualify for state. I remember somehow nobody noticing, or at least didn't say anything. I guess it wasn't too severe, it didn't come out down my legs. I know I finished match & won. Maybe the other kid & the ref just thought I farted really bad
Sounds to me like Bert needs more fiber in his diet. haha
He probably really thinks this is a genuinely interesting story
It was
You clicked on it.
Says the bozo who took the time to watch and leave a comment.
@@fooseballs308 ok and?
@@tombstonejones9581 ok and?
The Shit Machine.
Borts biggest fan is bort
The only time Berf is ever funny is when he's describing what an awful little creature he is
If he has so many horrible explosive shits, why does he put off taking a dump for one second. Number 2 is a gamble of epic social humiliation, fuck the coffee, you don’t need it!
love Bert's pants sitting stories, as a 30 year old man I finally have someone to make me feel better about shitting my pants when I was younger. haha love you Bert, get ahold of me sometime and I can tell you a few.
metamucil bert....the orange flavor is actually delicious too...add some to your koolaid :)
Me after watching multiple precious 2B1C clips: “Surely Bert can’t be any more pathetic than he already is”
This clip existing:
This is proof tom lied to rogan.. lowkey high key Bert has been a tennis player a long time
sal?!?!?
Who gags at the sight of their own shit?
Diapers?
I am dying. How the hell do they keep straight faces talking about projectile shit like it’s casual.
Watching this as I shit
Bert needs to invest in Depends.
I’m mad I know what you’re talking about and yea you’re right
Fellas, if this guy can get a lady, so can you.
Needs to go to a doctor about his problems
I saw the dude Poopies tell the story of how he got the name to Steve-O…. Why isn’t Bert, Poopies? #fatpoopies
As I watch this from my shitter...
Bert’s got a reputation for being disgusting in private and in public.
He’s so self absorbed that HE BLEW OFF IBOBBY LEE
from both of his 4th of July house parties.
Bruv!!!!!!! What a national treasure this man is!!
Yeah Sal's pretty amazing
BRUV?????????????? WTF IS THAT???
What's a more trivial problem than first world problems? Yeah, Bart is the personification of whatever that is.
omg
Imagine Bert acting his age and not being the center of attention party animal 24/7. 💩
And this is a grown man 🤦