Intimacy Anorexia and Narcissism | Discerning the Issues | Dr. Doug Weiss
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- čas přidán 9. 03. 2021
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For the last 30 years, licensed psychologist Dr. Doug Weiss has helped thousands of couples deal with issues like sex addiction and intimacy anorexia. In this video, Dr. Doug discusses the similarities and differences of intimacy anorexia and narcissism.
For many whose spouses are intimacy anorexic, they're living with so much pain and trauma. They wonder how someone could neglect and disconnect from them, why they have a spouse who lacks love, is so self absorbed, and doesn't seem to care.
In the process of trying to figure them out, the partner looks online and considers that it could be narcissism due to the emotional immaturity, lack at empathy, and the disregard for you. The truth is they may be narcissist, or they may not be. It may just be the result of being an intimacy anorexic. The symptom clusters of the two topics look very similar. How would someone discern the difference? That is what you can learn in the next few minutes.
Visit intimacyanorexia.com/ for more information.
Also, we have a test you can take to determine if Intimacy Anorexia® is the issue in your marriage. Take the test here: intimacyanorexia.com/ia-test/
If you're the partner of an Intimacy Anorexic®, we call that Married and Alone. You can check out the series of books Dr. Weiss has written on that subject here:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/m...
For the Partner Betrayal Trauma book, visit:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/p...
For more information on Partner Betrayal Trauma®, go to partnerbetrayaltrauma.org/
Married & Alone support group for female partners of male Intimacy Anorexics:
/ marriedandalone
Married & Alone support group for male partners of female Intimacy Anorexics:
/ supportgroupsaia
For information on marriage counseling and intensives, go to www.drdougweiss.com/counseling/
For a full list of Dr. Doug’s products, go to www.drdougweiss.com/store/
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Partner Betrayal Trauma ™.
You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, www.drdougweiss.com or on his Facebook / drdougweiss
by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at heart2heart@xc.org.
I am to a point where I physically am exhausted with being with this man.. I love him so much but he just doesnt care anymore.
When you accept that he isn't treating you right, just accept your fate. Sometimes things can turn around. I fell out of love with mine. I think he fell out of love first.
After being with a narcissist, who is also emotionally unavailable, and I guess now it’s called emotional anorexia, I have found the most wonderful man who tells me everything- how he feels. He’s so open. So ladies and gentlemen, there is life after death in a marriage. 💗
You have just saved my sanity ,you have described my partner ,im not going mad
The statement chooses to not love me . That hit home. I have called your office today. Thank you for all your doing to help so many. I didn’t think anyone could help us.
I've been depressed for a year now. After losing my job (which was traumatic) and my husband giving me zero support and actually verbally degrading me since Sept 2021(bc I pushed him away earlier-he said), I have read, listened, watched so many things trying g to figure out why our marraige has never grown after 22yrs. Way too much to put here, but I finally have decided he may be a covert narcissist and I think I have lacked any type of emotional connection with him since we married. I spill my guts and he tells me nothing. He Blames me a lot and will Never apologize, ever unless it's immediately after I ask him why he doesn't. I'm am so emotionallying drained. Sad, depressed, not me at all...its so bad that if I take a shower or go to bed before 3am, I'm doing good.
Ditto
Please get counseling. I lived with a narcissist like that for 30 years, and barely had any sanity left when I divorced him. Counseling is what helped ground me and figure out what was going on. Please do it for yourself. Don't waste anymore time.
RUN
23 years with my husband I think he is a covert narcissist. I have looked into this for 3 years. I believe I have trauma bond to him. Cause spiritual 2020 waited see if he would but nothing he says he doesn’t care about the truth and what is happening in our world. He just wants me to worry about us not what is going on in the world. I am an Empath I feel deeper than some love unconditional. I thought I was here to help him but bringing to believe I can’t help someone that doesn’t see problem with self. I am lost in what to do. Cause I do love him hard to walk away from 23 years of marriage. ❤
Sounds like we're in the EXACT same boat
I feel like I've been going through years of boot camp, seeing how much I can take, till one day I die. Like my life is a throw away.
I feel absolutely hopeless in even attempting to try anymore, I feel completely broken down. How can you spend every night crying yourself to sleep as they snore or wake up to yell at you to stop disturbing their sleep ... but still find strength to want to care about finding a solution for the both of us ? Its been 5 years in this marriage and at least 3 1/2 has been spent like this. I'm currently going through an emotionally meltdown, and his response to it is "I'm tired of this, maybe we should separate"
Complete wickedness ... Should I just leave and bury the memory ??
No one can tell you to leave but you. The choice is yours in the end whether to leave or not. If he is unwilling to get help, it will only get worse.
We have a Married & Alone support group for over the phone and on Facebook you can join if you'd like:
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Girl leave. It took my baby for me to realize I had enough of this shit. The thing is I have nowhere to go so now I’m about to fight for the house.
I have the same kind of feelings. I know it's kills one from within
maybe we were looking for love at the wrong places. Maybe it's meant to be I don't know. I only know life is full of shit.
I hope u left🙏🙏😭😭
Thank you so much! Crying now but so hopeful after watching this video
Glad it helped!
Lisa you not alone.I just pray
I have worked for years to “diagnose” my husband’s issues. The problem is, he doesn’t have one bit of interest in diagnosing himself, because he doesn’t think he has any problems-all the problems in our relationship are my fault. So he will never get a psychological test for anything, much less narcissism! If I even suggested it, he’d probably give me the silent treatment for a few weeks. So I do understand and agree with your reasoning for not wanting to label people prematurely, but I think practically speaking, if you’re dealing with someone with narcissistic tendencies, an abuse victim could interpret your advice to get their abusive partner tested as their responsibility. The bottom line is, a diagnosis doesn’t matter-believe people’s actions. Whether they’re truly a narcissist or not, abuse is abuse!
they act so above it all
If you can’t get out or away from this person, you call your husband, then get your own life and live it fully without them.
This brings so much clarity!! Finally!! Makes sense to me!!
I'm glad that this was helpful.
Thank you for this insight. I have learned a lot.
I am numb I have been traumatized for 20 years and I’m only 35. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Your pain and trauma are real. We have phone groups and Facebook groups you can join for support if you're interested.
www.drdougweiss.com/groups/
www.drdougweiss.com/facebook-groups/
You might want to consider doing a trauma intensive for yourself as well as doing neuromodulation. Call us at 719-278-3708 for more information.
I feel ya, sis. It's horrible.
Very interesting!
Every point you mentioned on intimacy anorexic, my husband does. Also, I feel he has narcissistic traits. He’s previous military and now law enforcement so I’m sure he has his own deeper issues, as do I. I have ptsd from childhood, previous marriage, and now current. The depression has been getting stronger but I try to balance it out with focusing on exercise and spirituality. It’s been 10 years and we have an 8 year old boy. I’m at my wits end trying to live in fantasy land.
You might want to join our Married & Alone Facebook group as well as a telephone support group. There's also the Married & Alone book and workbook you can start working on to expedite your healing.
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-book/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-healing-exercises-workbook/
Make sure you don't use those deeper issues as a clutch on his behalf. Everything painful has a root but it still has to be plucked
Best time to get out is now. Don’t wait until your son is a teenager. It’s even more traumatizing as they get older. Run now.
This came at a very perfect time.... thank you so much Dr Weiss
You're so welcome!
Im going through this atm. I have traumatic stress. I see a psychologist once a week. With all this, my health has gone worst, i now have a liver disease.
If i knew this earlier about intimacy anorexia i would have dealt with this earlier.
I was wondering if all addicts had NPD! There’s definitely a thin line between them when it comes to symptoms.
My husband never touches me in an affectionate way and rejects me when I try. In the bedroom, it's just intercourse. No passion. No affection. I don't feel loved. We are living together like best friends instead of husband and wife. Should we seek counseling?
Yes, you are in pain and it does sound like Intimacy Anorexia.
Ive been in the same place for 35 years with my partner she ended up an alcoholic ,all because she cant open up amd say how she feels ,no intimacy very sad
@@DrDougWeiss i was married for 21 years to someone who could not tell me how she felt ,we were never intimate ,everything you say fits the profile ,she ended up having an affair ,and started drinking more ,eventually i left ,its a long story ,but after 13 years we are together again ,my shock is to find nothing has changed ,i tjank my HP for finding your page 🙏
At least you are lucky he has sex with you. My husband hasn't in 3 years and I have always been faithful to him. I love him so I stay.
I think my wife feels the same way, I can't get aroused, but other women would flirt with me from time to time i get aroused but just don't give a rats ass anymore because deep down inside she does not care because she don't say a word or complain... That means I'm unattractive to her but other women hit on me all the time..so why she can't be submissive like a normal woman does, it's a struggle to get her to meet me half way. When I finally do it feels so damn fake and forced for years...I could be depressed due to her not communicating to our kids. I get turn off by her not involved with our financial goals, not wearing makeup, wearing sexy lingerie, but she wear grandma underwear intentionally so I gave up trying to convince her what to wear, she's 44 and act like a 15 yr old at times that don't know the basic...she expects me to read her mind....
Thank you, Dr. Weiss. This explains so much about my husband’s behaviors. What I don’t understand is why would he, after 29 years of marriage and starving me and our daughter of affection, then have an emotional affair with someone who he barely knows? Why give her, so easily, what I’ve been begging for throughout our marriage? It seems that flattery was her tool of choice. If he hadn’t spent so much time pushing us away & instead, just loved us, we would’ve sung his praises from the rooftops!
I don’t get it. If he’s truly an Intimacy Anorexic, why have an affair? Why discard what you have to go after what you’re trying to avoid? If he’s claiming he’s impotent, why risk humiliation with a stranger? It doesn’t make sense to me.
After spending half of my life with him, I don’t feel like I know him at all.
You're right, it doesn't make sense. Their behavior is irrational. A relationship without commitment is easier to them to be involved in. The DVD "Unstuck" could help you better understand what's going on.
If you haven't already, you can join our Married & Alone phone and Facebook groups for support.
@@DrDougWeiss Thank you, Dr. Weiss for your response. I’ll look into your suggestions on the DVD and Facebook. Are you still doing intensives at your Colorado Springs location & if so, how much does it cost?
@@terrywade3696 Yes, we are still doing intensives here in Colorado Springs. You can call us at 719-278-3708 for our prices.
This is exactly me. It's such a lonely place to be, I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, I often feel like not even living anymore
That is the way I frrll
My ex partner/coparent was clinically diagnosed with narcissism…we definitely suffered from lack of intimacy and depth. Is there are healing for that? Most narcs don’t change. After the lack of intimacy, lies, trauma…physical connection was not a desire which made him mad & made the emotional and verbal abuse worse.
I asked my husband what he realy consider as intimacy and he said: wel we are cooking together, aren't we?😲 No intimacy at all for past 12 years. And before that 17 years was, on en of.. Im tired, in pain, feel rejected to my core.. I try to write it of.
Your pain and trauma from this are real. We have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group available to join for support. You can also call our office at 719-278-3708 and make an appointment with one of our therapists to talk with if you'd like.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Hello Dr Weiss,
Have you ever been fooled by a true narcissist?
Thank you for all you do....
Dear Doug, you spoke so fast I didn't hear what the book was for those who are living with this. We've been married 38 years. I don't know that I hurt any more or care.
The book is called Partner Betrayal Trauma. It's for spouses who've been betrayed by their significant other in their relationship whether through infidelity, intimacy anorexia, sex addiction and want to overcome the trauma and pain in their live:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-book/
The pain you have experienced is real. We have counselors available or you can join our Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group for support:
www.drdougweiss.com/groups/married-alone-groups/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
I don’t want to live like this anymore we will be married 39 yrs he blames his diabetes and other health issues I’m 66 yrs young strong healthy and attractive I don’t know why I’m tolerating this because I’m a Christian and don’t want to hurt my children
36 I feel 4 you
I wish you were in Florida
I have been in relationship with my partner for 6 years I have never felt so alone there's no affection sex is for less than 2 minutes when he come in from work he will acknowledge the cat kiss hug the cat and can walk straight past me my heart breaks if we talk about it we end up arguing and he will give me the silent treatment for days I feel so alone and the everyone love him he will do anything for anyone apart from me he's never had my back everything is my fault we split up I took him back I thought he might have changed towards me no I didn't move back in the house so I am punished for having my own place we are on the verge of spitting up this time for good on point great video appreciated
My wife is an intimacy anorexic and Narcissist, however she gets easily hurt when I stand up for myself. It hurts her deeply she says and states that I rob her of her title of "wife". I dont understand what she wants from me.
As an intimacy anorexic she is trying to get distance from you. I would watch the Intimacy Anorexia and Married & Alone DVDs to help you understand this better.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-dvd/
Hi Dr Weiss, I wanted to see you personally but when I called. I was told you were not doing the intensives.
My husband is a minister and refused to confess his sin of SA/PA to his leaders because he said that he had not engaged in the since he left Colorado Springs. After almost 2 years he finally confessed to our leaders but had no remorse or brokenness for his sin. Is that normal? Does it mean that he is a narcissist? He has an entitlement attitude and feels like he is entitled to treat me or anyone else any way he pleases. And he has no empathy for me whatsoever. Is that narcissism? Please help.
I was married to a covert narc. For 8 years read the book and related to 95% of the book. It clicked.
This marriage is different. I know he's hurting and that he has intimacy issues and is insecure and very jealous.
I am hurting too and have no desire to treat him the way he treats me. 💔
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this in your marriage. You may want to check out intimacyanorexia.com and see if this applies.
If my team can provide help for you in any way, please consider calling my office at 719-278-3708. We have therapists available who specialize in this area to work with you and help you find healing. You can also join our Married & Alone phone or Facebook support group too. You don't have to be alone in this.
If he is willing, the two of you could do couples counseling or a 3 or 5 day intensive to further expedite the process.
You might find the Married & Alone DVD or book and workbook helping in validating what you're going through and providing guidance as you move forward.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-video-download/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-ebook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-healing-exercises-ebook/
I am not an emotional person at all but watching this video has me in tears. I feel very guilty for my problems and behavior that has caused pain for my spouse. I want/ need to change to help my self and my relationship. Can you please advice me where to start?
You can go to intimacyanorexia.com and start with the books or DVD. You can also get in a get in a phone group or do counseling by calling us at 719-278-3708.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-book/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/?product_cat=&s=intimacy+anorexia&post_type=product
www.drdougweiss.com/intimacy-anorexia-group/
Thank you for your reply... I have sent an email to let you know my situation and hopefully get help... Thank you
@@DrDougWeiss which books or DVD would actually help me learn and build skills to help me recover from being an intimate anorexic? Also which books or DVD will help my partner heal and recover?
I don't want to learn about the problem, I want to heal.
Thank you
You could get the Intimacy Anorexia Workbook and Step Guide for you and the Married & Alone Workbook and Step Guide for her.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-workbook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-steps-guide/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-healing-exercises-workbook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-twelve-step-guide/
You can both can a phone support group or counseling, as well as coming to be an intensive with us. You can call us at 719-278-3708 if you want to schedule or if you have any other questions.
This was my marriage. He was an alcoholic, he may have been SAed as a kid... I always wondered. He maybe was gay. Or he could be an intimacy anorexic. I worked on myself and nothing I did changed anything in our marriage. When I said I could not live like this anymore and that we needed to either get help (physical from doctor, from a pastor, from a married layperson mentor couple, from a therapist... even read a book together. Whatever he wanted to choose.) or separate, he didn't even hesitate: He was not willing to seek help and left and never looked back. Our marriage was not worth addressing the situation to him. Being rejected over and over for 9 years and then the final rejection of divorce was excruciating. It has been 25 years and the scars have haunted me. I've tried to want to date again, but I just haven't wanted to face rejection again. I am far less lonely alone than I was being married to him.
i think i kinda can relate to him. as you said, maybe and it could very well be he was emotionally abused as a child growing up. google emtional incest. he didnt develop the ability to emotionally connect with people and he may be enmeshed with his mom, leading to his intimacy anorexia with you
Wouldn’t intimacy anorexia be a natural response to living with a narcissist? At least some of these symptoms seem like they would be the result of living with someone who is abusive & manipulative?
It can be a response. Everyone responds differently to this situation.
I was married 35 years. Just divorced last summer. We have 5 kids and 11 grandkids. He has turned 4 of my 5 kids against me and now I am not aloud to be alone with most of my grandkids. He convinced my kids I was in sane. I went in and even had an mri of my brain. My kids don't want to do things with me unless my ex husband is there. Which he uses those times to insult me and hurt my feelings. How do I get my kids back? I have went to counselors but most don't understand narcissist. I feel the longer they stay away the harder it will be to bond again.
There is no quick solution for this. You can see a local psychologist and take an MMPI to see if you actually have a diagnosis or not.
I totally relate because I never told the kids what he was doing because I thought for 16 years I thought he would become the person I married until I realized that person never existed
This video was enlightening. This made me realized im married to a 13 year old. He started smoking marijuana, drinking and having sex at 13. He still drinks and smoke marijuana. Ive asked him to take a break from it and says its his only 'escape from reality". He has me starved for intimiacy on all levels. Im at my breaking point. Im at the point where im just going to accept it. But what happens after that? What are the next steps when you accept that, that person does not want to change. What if there is still love?
Please get out now...anyway you can. I've been in the same situation; tried everything, read all the books, changed myself 50 times, and its now 49 years. My soul is near death. Please don't do it. HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR SPIRIT!!!!
Do you have a referral list of therapists you’ve trained, to find counseling in Rochester or Buffalo, NY areas?
My husband, (PA, SA), is sober and doing well in recovery. We each see counselors individually and are ready to start couples counseling.
Thank you.
We currently don't have any therapists in those areas but on our AASAT website, you can check out the certified therapist list and see if there is someone close to your region.
aasat.org/find-therapist/
Thank you very much.
Your explanation really helped understood my wife. But we are in Bangladesh and there is no good Counselor. So how we can solve this pls help
You could do phone counseling by calling us at 719-278-3708 to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors.
What is the background music so called?
"Awakenings Piano" and "The Only Hope". They can be found on Motion Array.
Thank you for a name for what I've been feeling for over 31 years. My husband has a porn addiction. Ive been through therapy 12 step program, but he has never stopped the behavior. How can I help myself learn to cope with sexual anorexia and initamcy anorexia? I am in so much pain. What books do you recommend for me. Ive threatened divorce so many times. This time im justvready to walk away forever! Shirley
I'm glad that you are working on your journey of self healing. I would recommend the Married and Alone DVD or book and workbook. Also you could do an intensive for this.
The DVD Pain For Love can be helpful as well as being in a phone group and our Facebook group for support.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-book/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-healing-exercises-workbook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/pain-for-love-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/intimacy-anorexia-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
@Dr. Michael Do you work for Dr. Weiss?
I did the anorexia test and got 9/11, and the two I said no on were not a 100% no, they just aren’t as common as the others. Otherwise it would have been 11/11. He grew up abused by his dad. What’s your best advice to move forward? He has grown since we have been married and isn’t mean like he used to be, but he is so cold. It’s like having a relationship with a human robot sometimes. I considered your package with the intimacy anorexic book, guide, etc. suggestions?
The IA book, Workbook, and Step Guide for him. He can also get into a phone group for support.
For you, the Married & Alone book, Workbook, and Step Guide. You can also join our Married & Alone phone group or Facebook group for support in this. You are not alone.
You can call us at 719-278-3708 for any additional questions you may have.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-book/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-workbook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-steps-guide/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-book/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-healing-exercises-workbook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-twelve-step-guide/
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
My husband was sexually abused as a child, now an alcoholic and this is him spot on
If he is interested in getting counseling regarding this, you can contact Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708, and we can book a therapist to help him work through this and heal.
How and where so we get the psychological testing f sone? We are separated and struggling so badly.
You would have to go to a local counselor/coach, psychologist, or doctor to get a psychological test done (preferably the MMPI).
Deer Dr.D. Weiss, I called the phone number you gave out, and asked if I could talk to anyone about Intimacy & Anorexia and Narcissism. But was told I would have to make a appointment and it would be a cost.
The number you called goes to our main office where we can schedule you with a counselor that can help if you or someone you know need counseling due to intimacy anorexia and narcissism and assist in working through it.
If you are looking for just more basic information about intimacy anorexia and narcissism, you can go to intimacyanorexia.com or check out some of my other CZcams videos on my channel.
You can also check out our Intimacy Anorexia materials or the DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, & Intimacy Anorexia" which are quite useful.
www.drdougweiss.com/?product_cat=&s=intimacy+anorexia&post_type=product
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
If you need support, we also have a Married & Alone Facebook group you can join: facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Where do u go get psychological test? Do all psychologists do them?
Most psychologists do testing, you can do a local search to see where they're available. Also if someone has an addiction, they may exhibit these narcissistic behaviors.
I am in pain. My husband of 29 years has changed in alot of ways just over the past few months. I love my husband but i believe hes confused and possibly had some kind of trauma that caused his current actions. Im just not sure what they are. I need your help so desperately. I will try and contact your office asap. Lots more to tell you but too personal to say on this open forum. Ty for listening.
You're welcome. You can join our Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group for support in the meantime.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Why wasn't my husband or myself given a psychological test while we were there at Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs in 2020 for a 5-day intensive for intimacy anorexia? It wasn't even discussed to my recollection. I would like him to be tested for covert narcissism. Where can we find that?
Unless an intensive is done with me, psychological testing is not automatically included but is a separate option.
Covert narcissism is not a diagnosis but a pop term. Regarding your husband's behavior, only a test would determine whether or not he is a narcissist. A local psychologist can do an MMPI for diagnosis of narcissism.
I also think that if you watch the Narcissism DVD or DVD Download, you would have a clearer understanding this as it relates to you.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd-download/
But i feel empathy
How do we get info on the intensive in Colorado? After decades of marriage, I'm just realizing my husband has been gaslighting me, withholding affection, cheating, and has narcissistic tendencies.
You can call us at 719-278-3708 and we will be happy to answer any questions you may have.
I really think I’ve been with a covert narcissist w sex and intimacy Anorexic I need help
What's the solution for someone who can't visit/reach out to u, Dr.? How does one deal with the pain on an everyday basis??
It is important to not isolate yourself while you're going through this. You could confide in a trusted friend, a mentor, a pastor, or a community support group.
Heart To Heart Counseling Center has Facebook support groups. You can also check out my helpful books and workbooks on my website.
www.drdougweiss.com/facebook-groups/
www.drdougweiss.com/store/
If you want to learn more about Intimacy Anorexia and narcissism, you can check out intimacyanorexia.com or get my teaching on this here:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
Dr Weiss, I’m a Christian counselor and I’m seeing more couples who stop having physical intimacy fit various reasons. Recently a husband shred how he feels selfish for pursuing wife for sex because she isn’t interested. He asked feels sex is more a desire and want and not a need. I’m not so sure I agree with him. What’s your thoughts?
I wouldn't agree either. You might want to have them watch the DVD "Sexless and Married".
www.drdougweiss.com/product/sexless-married-dvd/
As a woman who genuinely enjoys giving and receiving intimacy, I also have sleep disorders that are affected by lack thereof. Sparing too many details, they include sleep walking/eating and horrific dreams. It makes it impossible to diet or to get good rest. Why does a regular sex life prevent this? And why does my partner not want to help?
They don't want help because they are not suffering, you are like the spouse of an alcoholic. You might want to try the neuromodulation to attempt to help you with the after effects. You should also try counseling, call our office at (719) 278-3708, or join on of our facebook groups www.drdougweiss.com/facebook-groups/
I’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me why he doesn’t want to touch me always rejects me, just missing that feeling of actually feeling of being wanted
Just no affection desire for me ect it definitely has taken a toll on me and my self esteem has hit rock bottom and insecure with myself. I can’t do this anymore but don’t want to fail at this relationship
I'm sad to hear about the pain and trauma you have experienced, it is real and upsetting. We have support available in our Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group. You can also call us at 719-278-3708 if you need to talk to a counselor. You are not alone.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
I experienced this for years in my marriage until I started really digging into what was going on with him. I had trusted him completely and blindly. I ended up finding out that he came into our marriage with a porn addiction and had been connecting with dozens of other women throughout our marriage. I think he may also be IA. It’s been devastating. I’m praying about asking him to go with me to one of Dr. Doug’s Intensives at Heart to Heart. I just cannot live this way any more. Saying prayers for you and for healing for both of our marriages!
What test should i ask my pschologist to do ?
Ask for the MMPI test.
cryyyyyyyyyyyyying ******
I also might add that he had no remorse or brokenness or empathy for what he had done to me either. Is that narcissism? How can I find out? Where can I get help?
Anything
Does yours just stand there mute with a smirk on their face when you try to talk about anything
where can I get the test for intimacy anorexia?
It can be found on our Intimacy Anorexia website: intimacyanorexia.com/test-2/
Hi Dr can you please refer us to a Dr in the woodlands Texas. Please this is an urgent request. Please please please. Thank you
You can check out the list of therapists across the nation (which includes Texas) that we have certified in our program.
aasat.org/find-therapist/
Aside from those, we also have phone counseling available. You can call us at 719-278-3708 if you have any questions or need more information.
My husband has a sex addiction. He hides stuff. I have been through a lot of trauma. He accused me of having Intimacy Anorexia so I looked up your videos. Yeah, I may have some of these traits but they have, for sure, been brought on by his behavior towards me. We are separated right now but in the same house while I try to heal from his latest indiscretion. I feel like I have forgiven over and over and it just keeps happening. So, this is in the insanity category. Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. Thus the separation. We have an excellent counselor. This man acts like a 15-year-old and he is 60. He has more baggage than a 747. We have been married 5 years and it has been a roller-coaster since 2 weeks after we got married and he wanted to change churches. He withheld a lot of information. Thanks for "listening"
I'm sorry that you have experienced this, your pain and trauma from this are valid. If you'd like, we have a Partners phone group and Facebook you can join for support. You are not alone in this.
@@DrDougWeiss I would like that.
Is it possible that my husband has IA because he was raised by a narcissistic mother? Also, do IAs continue being IA in their second, third, etc marriages?
Yes it is possible for him to have IA because of how he was raised. Yes also, to the second question. IAs will continue to be IA if they don't change.
Your pain from this is valid, however you are not alone. If you'd like, we have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join for support.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
My boyfriend won't be tested. I've already seen a therapist.
I am dying in my marriage. No interest in sex with me. Makes excuses.
But the intimacy and neglect is destroying my soul. I’ve hung in this marriage and I’ve done everything I know to do . The deprivation is killing me. It’s easy to see he closed his heart off long time ago. I’m just the punching bag to blame everything on. What to do now?
🙏
I don't even know how to pray for my husband of almost 28 years? He is narcissistic, which I've learned in the last 6 months and he has been intimacy anorexic towards me for at least 6 months. The last couple times he's been very cold and calloused. Please help I don't know what to do except pray and he says he wants divorce yet won't leave.
You can get help for you. You could do an intensive for you or for the both of you. He could do psychological testing to verify narcissism or watch the DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, & Intimacy Anorexia".
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
You might want to speak to one of our counselors or get in a phone group for more information and support.
Really?!?! I’ve been researching narcissism for the past 3 years. And porn addiction comes into this and here I am now. I know he with holds sex from me. This... did you know I started thinking once again that I am crazy but.... I don’t know if I am happy realizing that I’m not crazy. This is devastating. I feel there is no hope for use. They will know self reflect.
Is it possible to be an adulterer and intimacy anorexic? What I mean is intimacy anorexia a symptom of a cheater (for years) or is the intimacy anorexia something separate and not part of infidelity?
Yes, one can commit adultery and be an intimacy anorexic. Although the intimacy anorexia is separate from the infidelity.
If you are dealing with this and need support, we have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Have You trained any people in Denmark? My wife is emotional anorexic and has narcissistic tendency.
We don't have any trained counselors in Denmark, but we do offer phone counseling, as well as phone & Facebook support groups.
You can call us at 719-278-3708 for scheduling and for more information.
facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/
Where are you located
Heart To Heart Counseling Center is located in Colorado Springs, Colorado. You can call us at 719-278-3708 or email us at heart2heart@xc.org and we would be happy to ask any questions you may have about getting scheduled, our resources, and services.
I have a question. I know people say that a person can have sexual problems. They can have performance issues or erectile dysfunction. But certain things don’t add up. Even if a person has Ed don’t they sometimes imitate sex? Don’t they want to even TRY to have sex even ever so often? I’m with someone that absolutely never wants sex. Absolutely never. If I don’t talk about it or get angry, nothing will happen. And when I do get angry, they try and they are able. But yes, they may have some very slight performance issues but not enough to even complain about. I am a woman and this has been going on for a while with my husband. Please help me to understand how to deal with this.
Your intuition is right. A healthy person would want to have or give sexual intimacy. You can watch the DVD "Sexless and Married", which goes through several reasons and what to do: www.drdougweiss.com/product/sexless-married-dvd/
Also, check out intimacyanorexia.com and see if this applies.
As a woman who is married and alone, the hurt, anger, and trauma from this neglect is real. You might want to talk to a counselor or coach who is certified in intimacy anorexia and partner betrayal trauma by calling us at 719-278-3708.
Also you can join our women’s married and alone Facebook group for support: facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
I am in so much emotional pain and at my lowest point due to things which my husband does but does not take responsibility for. I am at the point of filling in divorce papers. He keeps telling me he loves me and then accuses me of doing something to hurt him. Can an intimacy anorexic truly love?
An intimacy anorexic can love, however they struggle with being open and intimate with their spouse/significant other (it can vary in different ways and areas). It is common for an intimacy anorexic to blame their spouse for things and not take responsibility. They must be willing to get help to change, otherwise their withholding of intimacy (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) will continue. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. Your pain and trauma from this is real.
If you need, you can call us at 719-278-3708 and we can book you with one of our therapists to help you heal and walk through this. If he is willing, we can provide resources for him as well.
We also have support groups over the phone and on Facebook you can join as well. You are not alone in this.
www.drdougweiss.com/groups/
www.drdougweiss.com/facebook-groups/
www.drdougweiss.com/online-store/#married-alone-resources
www.drdougweiss.com/online-store/#partners-recovery
www.drdougweiss.com/online-store/#ia-resources
www.drdougweiss.com/online-store/#sex-addiction-recovery
I have tried twice to join the married and alone Facebook group but it keeps denying me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
You can call us at 719-278-3708 and we would be happy to help resolve this issue.
I would like to hear from u
You can call us at 719-278-3708 and we would be happy to answer any questions you may have and if need be, schedule you with one of our counselors/coaches that are available. You can also email me at heart2heart@xc.org
I am in a relationship with a man, whom I suspect is a narcissist. And recently discovered that he has been in a relationship with another woman who lives an hour away.. and on top of that he had sexual relationships with 6 other women. I can't understand why, and how he does this.
The DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, and Intimacy Anorexia" could be really helpful:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd-download/
I do not know what to do anymore. I finally left my husband after 37 years of marriage. We got married early. Things were fine in the beginning as long as I didn’t rock the boat. Early on my husband tried to commit suicide because we had a disagreement. From then on, everything was my fault. Then we moved to where his mother lived and things got even worse. I have been emotionally spiritually and sexually abused by my husband for years. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to get help and he doesn’t want to change at all or admit he has any kind of a problem. Taking a test for him is something he will never do. I’ve had to leave for my sanity. How can you help me if he doesn’t want to get help? How can you help me heal from all this trauma? There are times I’ve lost it and can’t handle the abuse and he turns it around on me, saying I am the problem I am the cause and this is all my fault!
Mine wouldn't of been tested. He would just make an excuse. Mine used drugs and drank often.
I think Im married to a narcissist who refuses marriage counseling or any type of counseling for that matter. Very condescending towards me, always criticizing and belittling, nothing I do is good enough, he always does it better, only has women as his best friends (his cheerleaders as I call them, they make him feel as though he is this amazing man, but behind close doors he is rude, condescending and nasty), will cut off anyone especially men when they call him out about his wrongs, doesn’t care about anything, wouldn’t care if I divorced him, mocks me and laughs if I even shed a tear(so I never show emotions around him) never apologizes when he is dead wrong but attempts reverse psychologically to some how put the blame on me for his wrong doings. Very disrespectful towards me, doesnt want me to ask him anything, I get comments like “its none of your business”….Im really at the point to I don’t know how to live in a marriage with him. There is no intimacy, no acknowledgement of my feelings or my well being. According to him he can do my job better than me and I have a doctorate compared to his GED. Im really confused on how someone goes from being loving and caring to heartless in less than 2 years, 1 year of dating and only 7 months of marriage. He is a gambler, and I notice he is only somewhat happy when he wins, goes out and buys stuff for his kids and himself, but never me…things in my opinion he should be buying or accomplishing throughout the year, not just when he has a big win. Not sure what to do? He has told me he is not in love with me but does love me, whatever that means. I have never been in a serious relationship and wasnt in love so Im not sure how to handle that, especially being newly married. This his 3rd wife and this is my first marriage. His other 2 wives cheated on him constantly, and honestly I can see why…the lack of empathy, feelings, disrespect and lack of love says it all for me. Not sure what to do.
This will not get better but will get worse if he doesn't get help. You might want to look up Intimacy Anorexia as well to see if this applies. I would recommend you get help and healing for yourself as soon as possible.
Can someone love you and treat you this way ?
Believe behavior. If the behavior is not loving, then that would answer your question.
@@DrDougWeiss thank you
IMO.
Many of the people being described here are just simply mean selfish, self centered and cruel .
No fancy diagnosis or fancy words just plain mean.
We cannot change them .
That is a work for only The Lord Jesus.
What we can do is get yourself to safety and work with God to become healthy ourselves.
I believe God brought me here! I have Betrayal Trauma and tired… my husband is a covert Narc / has been addicted to Porn for over 30 years. So maybe it’s just sex addiction? 🤔 I’m terrified to be yet again dismissed, because he charms his way out of any accountability and it becomes my issue, yet I’m dying under the verbal and emotional abuse…
The DVD on "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, & Intimacy Anorexia" can help you decide if he is a narcissist.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
Your Partner Betrayal Trauma from this is real. Check out partnerbetrayaltrauma.org which can be helpful.
We also have support available with Partners of Sex Addicts phone group and Facebook group.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
How would I go about convincing my Wife that we need to get evaluated? I stopped paying for my wifes counseling because it only turned into finger pointing rather than taking responsibility for her own behavior. The psychologist here are under skilled to cut through the lies and call her out.
You might suggest doing an intensive. You can also do psychological testing to utilize a diagnosis.
Please sir all the way from Nigeria I think i am a self aware somatic narcissist please can i get a response sir???
You can get a psychological test to verify this and the person who gives you this test can help you find a counselor locally that can help you.
What if I'm an intimacy anorexic because my husband is a rude person/conspiracy theorist and doesn't know how to have rational conversations? It's easier to just disconnect.
You would still want to heal yourself and be able to put boundaries up for your relationship. You could consider a group or counseling.
It’s hard to say, my husband withholds and I know NOW I’m a lunatic.. the loneliness and anger of being rejected has changed me into a person I hate. I am now mean and irritable and depressed. So ask yourself, which came first… with way, try help, or get out.. or be like me and suffer in pain for years and years. I’m not in the position to give you any advice. 😩🤷🏻♀️
We were together for little over 40 years & then all of a sudden two years before he died he said I can't get a erection any more? Blamed Diabetics . One night I went to touch him and he yelled at me* Never in our time together would he not want to be touched* I never tried to touch him there again* I didn't understand I became so depressed*
You’re telling my story it’s so sad that I wish he would die and I be would be at peace and not hurt my children with contemplating a divorce
I’m so sorry this happened to you! I was married for 30 yrs to a man who is also a diabetic. When we first got married he could get hard. I believe that his early porn use & sexual control caused his problems with ED more than anything. As soon as a person closes their heart off they start having sexual problems. My ex also would slap my hand if I tried to play with him. It hurt my heart so much that I never tried again. Bcz I was in so much pain I decided to distance myself from him. I ended up making my bedroom at the other end of the house. Even after being divorced for 2 yrs I’m still racking my brain! This video explains my ex 💯. I know for a fact that if a person loves the person that they’re married to that they’ll want to pleasure them even if they don’t feel like it. To make a partner suffer is cruel! I feel like I wasted my youth on him!
i have been married 35 years and my husband has an addiction. he will not get help. he has had this addiction all our marriage .He blame me for everything.He never want to be wrong about anything .he never want to talk. everytime i bring up something ,he say iam starting something.he say iam saying things that iam not saying
Your pain from this is real. You only stated the problem though.
The DVDs "He Needs to Change" and "Why Do I Stay When It Doesn't Make Sense" could be helpful.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/he-needs-to-change-dr-weiss-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-dvd/
We also have a Married & Alone or Partners phone group and Facebook group you can join for support (depending on what his addiction is). You are not alone and you are worthy to be loved.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
I’m concerned 😟 ohh no 😣 think I may of just agreed to marry someone like this 😢
I have been with him on and off for 32 years and stable for almost 5. We both have made mistakes but this time I thought was different I try so hard to make it work he has cheated and asked God's forgiveness said he is sorry and won't do it again. He starts arguments about things I have done in the past says he believes I am currently still partying.I am not I think he starts the fights so he can feel better about what he is doing. Possibly still cheating? Why is it ok to not talk about what he is or was doing and lie but blame me for things I am not doing? I'm so lost
It sounds like there might be intimacy anorexia. Check out intimacyanorexia.com and see if this applies.
You can also watch this video on Intimacy Anorexia too: czcams.com/video/zexlfO3RCjA/video.html
Your pain and trauma from experiencing this are real. You can start healing yourself and get support by seeing a coach/counselor that's trained in intimacy anorexia and partner betrayal trauma by calling our office at 719-278-3708. You can also ask about joining our support groups too.
If he does not seek help regarding this, he will not get better and it will only continue and get worse.
I suffer from severe clinical depression because of him. He used to be so affectionate and had a high sex drive. Now he calls me fat, ugly and stupid. He thinks I'm disgusting. I feel repulsive. He stays gone or locked in the basement all the time now. He won't go to bed until I wake up and he knows I won't be there in the bed with him. It hurts like hell to be rejected and ignored. If he does sleep in the bed with me, which is rare, he puts a pillow between us and demands that I stay close to the edge of the king sized bed. I have attempted suicide 5 times and he keeps saying that I can't even get that right and that God doesn't want me either.
I'm sorry for the pain and trauma you have been experiencing. This sounds like intimacy anorexia (you can check out intimacyanorexia.com for more information on that). It is important for you to get healing, encouragement, and community during this time. You can do so locally or you can call us at 719-278-3708 and we can get you with a counselor/coach to help you through this as well as connect you with helpful support groups.
You are not alone in this. You are worthy to be loved.
If it’s not drugs, alcohol, smoking, or porn, what is the addiction? I simply think my spouse can’t connect with me.
It's an addiction to withholding, like an eating disorder but they starve you of intimacy and connection to feel safe. You might do well to watch some of the CZcams videos on Intimacy Anorexia or get the book. Your pain and trauma is real from the neglect.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/intimacy-anorexia-book/
czcams.com/play/PLoQAJVqvxAfhtsp51eX0vjS0S3nKGNnqA.html
Hi I just found out that my husband of 51 years has been living a double life. He has been using porn for 23 years, has had intimacy anorexia for 13 years and most recently has been having pornograghic sex with girls age 21 to 24 on line. Many of them. And will not admit the truth to much of anything. Do you think he can be helped?
He can be helped but only if he will be honest. If he isn't honest and doesn't choose to change, things will not get better.
Regardless, your trauma from all this is real. You can start getting help by calling us at 719-278-3708. If you need support, we have a Partners phone group and Facebook group you can join.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
You are not alone in this.
I’m so very sorry that you’re suffering! I was married for 30 yrs & it was very painful!
I need help 😢
Why these councilings are expensive . What one should do if they can’t afford it.
You can call us at 719-278-3708 for scheduling prices or with getting more information about the different types of resources we have that are free or not as expensive, depending on your situation. Our Facebook support groups are free to join, for example the Married & Alone one is available: www.drdougweiss.com/facebook-groups/
You could also order our books through your public library or seek a local support group as well.
It's hard to type when you are crying with shame. I'm in a living hell now my wife is 100% checked out even found a better man. I have withheld sex love everything. Its so so shameful to be a man in his 30s and not want or give sex. I hate it. My wife of 6 years has had enough and is now leaving me and its all my fault. She wanted me she wanted love and I have so many walls and destroyed her and myself. I'm getting help ish.. I have a counselor but it was far too late. Well I could right you a book of what I didn't do to push away a wonderful person and all the sexual damage I had before the marriage. What hell.
Try again, either with her or with the next woman. You can both heel from this episode. Your stories aren't done, yet. Sending love, as the neglected wife. It's ok. You're a good guy.
I need help
You can call us at 719-278-3708 or email us at heart2heart@xc.org and we will be happy be answer any questions you may have or assist you with counseling or our resources.
ok
ok
I live in Holland how can I get a test on my partner
You could ask a psychologist in your country or you could make an appointment with us to meet up with our psychologist to do a test via zoom (You can call us at 719-278-3708 for more information).
I’ve reached out to the church that he is check boxing with for image management not because his heart is in it. I was told to read James 1:2-3. I need to endure in the suffering. He has been taken out to lunch and told his victimhood story all around my community . He has not sought out any resources on his own.
So wrong they do that too
All I keep asking myself is WHY?? 😭
Only they know the why (maybe). You don't need to know that in order to heal though.
If you'd like, we have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group that you can join for support.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
I believe I’m suffering from addiction, I’ve cheated on my partner with multiple escorts and lied about having masturbation sessions when she at work or not in house. I’ve treated her as a house mate more then a partner and even taken money out of a shared change jar to pay for sex what do I do?
This sounds like a sex addiction. You might want to talk to a coach/counselor to see what type of sex addict you are and then get a plan to move forward in freedom. You can also start with the book "The Final Freedom".
www.drdougweiss.com/product/final-freedom-book/
My son is a victim of his wife's frozenness
He can check out intimacyanorexia.com to see if Intimacy Anorexia applies to his situation. He can also call us at 719-278-3708 for information about our therapists and support groups.
Can a narcissist dishonestly “pass” a polygraph test?
You might want to watch the entire DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, and Intimacy Anorexia" because they are experienced by you as a narcissist.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
I would recommend psych testing before using that diagnosis. It could be possible if the diagnosis was legit, however, a very good polygrapher could make a difference.
Thank you!! How do I know how to discern who a “good” polygrapher is?
Could you please answer my original question if you have an answer to it? I’m just not sure if I should proceed with a polygraph because I’m afraid his narcissism may compromise the polygraph.
First, get a true diagnosis by psychological testing to see whether or not the person is a narcissist (Oftentimes addicts feel like narcissists but are not).
In my experience, I've had a few truly classified narcissists not be able to pass it.
You can call a few local criminal attorneys to see who they are using for polygraphs or you could do an intensive with us and add a polygraph.
Thank you so much for your helpful response! So appreciate you!!!
My wife stopped having sex with me 24 years ago. I tried 5 times to find out what her problem is. She also insists the it the "Boss" I told her she can be the Boss, but then she is responsible for everything, good and bad. The sex abruptly stopped one back in 98. I thought that easing back into intimacy may work so we cuddled one night last week and she grabbed my right hand and guided my hand to her breast and applied pressure. I promised we wouldn't go farther spooning so I didn't try going farther. The next 4 days I asked if we could cuddle and she said no. Then the 4 days after she never asked to cuddle, so I've given up trying. I'm ready to leave, go my separate way and give up on women
Don’t give up on women! As you can see by reading these comments there’s a lot of women going through the same thing. I had a 30 yr marriage that was very painful, it started off sexless bc we weren’t active before marriage so I didn’t know. I had no sexual rights to my husband’s body whatsoever. He had me on his schedule & if I made him upset he used no sex as a punishment. In 30 yrs there wasn’t a marriage conversation. We’ve been divorced for 2 yrs. I’m sorry if you find this message inappropriate!
@@marshareed1438 I didn't give up. Still married.
ummm my husband would never even speak to you,much less take a test?
I did not hear anything that was helpful. Just how knowledgeable he was. How few he believes are actual narcissist. Whatever… I don’t care what label you use.
I just need direction not your resume
You can check out the DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, and Intimacy Anorexia" which is more informative on these subjects.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/