I Swear To God : Drinking and smoking || Jim Jefferies
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
- I Swear To God : Drinking and smoking || Jim Jefferies
• I Swear To God : Drink...
Best Of Jim Jefferies I Swear To God
Drinking and smoking
He talks about drinking, non-drinking, smoking and non-smoking people.
#JimJefferies #Standup #Comedy #JimJefferies2020
12 years since the last time I got drunk and I can confirm, I’m a boring C and my stories suck. Love ya, Jim.
They all suck except for the stories from back in the day, when I used to drink, smoke and do acid.
He's sober now too.
I had to quit drinking because I became allergic. Every time I drank I would break out in handcuffs
🤣🤣🤣
Bah DUNK CHiii!!!!! NOICE!!! yes
I Don't DO? Cocaine!! I Just the Like the Smell of it!!!
'..ill be playing here all week ( dont forget to TIP ! the wait staff!)
As a friend of Bill's, I can identify with that, joke or no joke.
There's that.
We drink cause life's shit and we do what we can ... never a truer word said!
My creto
Nothing wrong with life when I am drunk. I am a happy drinker, and I kike bring happy and send positive vibes to the world, so before breakfast I make sure I am already drunk!
The weird thing is that for some reason my typing sucks more and more with the passing of time. But hey, if you try to save humanity by showing them how fucking great you are, you sometimes have problems typing. Wonder how jesus handled that problem
Greetings from Ireland, enough said
Greetings back from Mexico, now the conversation is really done, cheers lol🍻
Same, from mayo
Just thought I’d drop by as the Scottish contingent to offer my greetings and to say, well done lads
🎤 (drop)
cool
I love beer because it's always there for me....and if there is none I just buy some more
I don't drink and I agree with Jim 🤣🤣
Best stand up ever !!! God I love this guy brilliant pls never stop Jim
Never a boring story 😅
I think Jim does his own edits, while he is pissed as fuck!
Just got that
1:12 shoutout to the audience member who yelling “DRINKING!” 😂
Oh man this is so true
As a drinker, I agree with Jim.
Although, I do actually like the taste of booze.
Ehh, i stay away from above 40% because then its jusy throat burn shyte.
But i do like to down a good 8.6 strongbeer.
@Chef beer is a ladies drink.
At least that means i am a lady that's competitive. Because I drink a fucking lot of beer! Guess i am just trying to show the world women sometimes actually are heroes!
How can you like the taste of booze? They're all different, even when made from the same product? & some products are the same but made from different things. So they all have a different taste (also it's really only wine & beer that have a taste, as all spirits are colourless, & most are flavourless, until you put them in wood)
@@Severmore don't try act cool, your just a prick for saying that
Love from Israel.
Can't stopppppp.
Don Julio 1942 is lovely... you're not drinking the right stuff
King
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What a way to wake up
I don't drink anymore but my best stories are from when I did.
heh yup
Drinking and smoking. So original.
Im high on life. It's just that life is full of drink and drug . . . .
I like the taste of it
"Fisting a small animal!" Oh, my fucking ribs. LOL. Oh Jim. How I've missed you.
Kin legend.
Exactly
Hilarious
Now drive me home 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Seems this video is having problems as well
Kind of funny how he says all that and now doesn't drink
Why ? he's a comic, its what they do
@@johnwarner4513he's now a stoner, and he's definitely lost his edge.
Crazy 🤪
I havent been drinking because too many of my storys ended with me not getting home or waking up on the floor.
C'mon, bro, that's all part of the adventure.
I bet you hear a 'woosh' sound going over yr head every time someone tells you a joke don't you? And I guess that will swiftly be followed by them having to explain the gag to you.
Wow!
@@gibsonduvall
Methinks that you're the one who missed his point.
@@alphabravo8703 Would you care to explain to me why and how you have come to that, cleary incorrect, assumption?
I went to see JJ's at least 10 years ago and have been watching his comedy ever since, why would I do that if I kept, "missing his point"? That would be akin to your comment - Utterly nonsensical!
If I agreed with you, that would simply make us both wrong my obtuse little friend.
Apology accepted.
Sztos😁🇵🇱🤜🤛🇺🇦😁
My sober stories may not be interesting, but at least they come from memory, not from witness statements.
I don't "need" to read books watch movies or football to have a good time but I still do those things because I enjoy doing them .likewise I enjoy drinking and taking drugs
I've been on fire. I don't think you can survive, “burned beyond recognition.”
So what happened during that first weird glitch? I'm curious now
He retrieved a full beer up from behind a bench then set his empty down
Yep...
Just saw him in Kansas. Now he is sober lol
Try coconut tequila. Sooo good!
If it's made from coconut... it's not tequila
You are a sick man! But very correct.
I have, I LOVE Patron Taqulia 😂
i was like1 im going to piss up the one sandle sandle
i have one friend who doesnt drink and he can only be called upon for boring stuff or to discuss the latest movies.
Reality
I love my vodka❤
The irony is he wound up quitting drinking
CZcams only censored one bit so far
Fisrt try of Tequila was good, except for the worm in bottom of the bottle.!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😆😆😆
Because people are ignorant to smoking an it's very common. An not curtious to non smokers that is also very common
Was this show sponsored by Pringle's? (Backdrop)
Soithern comfort and coke is delicious.
I love how he puts his fingers in his mouth when he knows the fuck is gruesome
Be carefull
Its damn true about people that doesnt drink are Boring and haver nothing to tell, I know very well.....because talking about myself....I dont drink....😂😅
I burned it until 60 with smoking , drugging , drinking .. I was still keen ,
but the body couldn’t handle the hang overs any more.
High quality tequila, NOT Jose Especial, is actually very tasty 😊. Also has the advantage of being pure sugar alcohols. No sucrose. The hangovers come from the mixers, not the tequila.
You don't drink enough.
@@Oscarcat2212 actually, for years I drank heavily. After one "hard" night, I noticed that when I consumed just tequila, no mixers, the next day had zero hangover.
zero sense of humour. HES JOKING! duh
Who edited this worst time to skip ahead smh
I actually drink because I love the taste of alcohol.
no you dont. try ethanol's flavour.
Why dont I drink?
I prefer stimulants to depressants
I hate when you tube cut sections cuz they think it's too much like f*** off
jim''s had a couple, not that there's anything wrong with that.
Is he distinguishing the difference between somebody who doesn't drink and somebody who doesn't drink any more? I used to drink, and my stories did not end with, "and then I went home", hence why I am now teetotal.
Same. Agreed sir. A fucking greed
Ha ha and ha, that is hilarious and you prove his point perfectly.I
When you became teetotal it sounds very much like you gave up having a sense of humour as well (just as he 'jokingly' suggests).
He's not trying to distinguish anything, he's a comedian and part of his act - I thought the entire audience laughing might've given that away to you. Jeez man!
@@gibsonduvall I disagree actually. Because the people who have never drank and the people who used to drink are entirely different subsets of people. The anoraks that have never drank tend to be boring do gooders that have never had a wild day in their lives, and we who used to drink tended to wake up in a strangers bedroom, two hours away from where we live, covered in sweet and sour chicken balls and our own piss, lying next a 47 year old single mother of three, and her adult son is asking you what your name is 😉😂. Thats why I quit drinking. 😁 Just so you know 👍
@@Phoenix1664 And if I actually agreed with you that would simply make us both wrong! Just so you know.
Hilarious that you use an example of an amusing story, that I guess you tell frequently and still get many a laugh from, to highlight why you gave up drinking - oh the utter irony! That is beautiful and again proves the point of the 'comedy routine' further still. Well done.
That said, I will thank you for yr very hilarious and highly amusing suggestion of the style of tale from yr drinking days, unfortunately the rest of yr comment, written now that you are teetotal, was exceedingly serious and dour to be entertaining in the slightest - Which leads me perfectly onto my next question to you:
Do you mind if I ask you to write two lists:
One with hilarity filled, dangerous, heroic and never to be repeated once in a lifetime events/stories of truly epic proportions, that you will regale to others and have them laughing uncontrolably until yr dying day, involving alcohol.
And then one of stories without alcohol involved. 😂
And then let me know which is the longest?
I would be delighted to hear the ones on the first list - if they are anything like what you suggested above, but I'll give the 'one' on the other list a miss if you don't mind! 😉
See it yet?
@@Phoenix1664 geeze. How fucking aweful this guy arguing with you is.🤦 I skimmed through the comments a bit. Lol He's definitely not making the solid argument he thinks he is. It's actually pretty incoherent. Enjoyed reading and identifying with your comment. Luckily I don't relate completely, although I've definitely done some equally obscene things lol which.... Kinda goes to show that us addicts/alcoholics aren't the same as the never drinker. Shit I've even had crazy shit happen in sobriety or while sober.
I used to like the taste of beer when I was in my twenties. Now at 65 I have to work my up my frame of mind to drink a beer. Beer has never had a GREAT taste. You drink uit for it's affect and because booze acts rapidly for a small amount. You can drink beer over the course of hours and you are slowly getting drunk. After each beer the taste doesn't get better it just seems that way.
Except you don't drink anymore either :)
Never drink but only now i know no one likes the taste of it 😂
Or make weed legal… less harmful
great now people gunna start punchin me in the head till there hands break :)
Yes culture differences. I live in B.C. and they put up signs outside for no smoking cigarettes marijuana or vaping which are all legal substances but there are no signs regarding all the people that smoke crack meth heroin fentynyl etc. and use needles which apparently they are allowed to do anywhere in public as a life saving precaution even though there are about 2000 overdoses a year. I fail to see how my smoking a cigarette on the sidewalk is comparable to having a hard drug habit and also why people can't even smoke on the patio of a bar or restaurant while say having a glass of wine either you can't take your drunk out of the restaurant but you can't smoke anywhere in their property either though again alcohol and tobacco are both legal substances.
I can't drink anymore because i
I have a ulcer. Last time I tried wine, it burned really badly.
Smoke some weed
That is not a problem, quench the wine fire with a pint of cold beer.
@@JohnA891
No. They both have alcohol
I think that's heartburn mate. Ulcers are incredibly painful, but they don't burn.
@@TripedalTroductions
No. I was told I had an ulcer in about 2006 by a cat scan.
I dunno, I don't drink much. I got a story about how me and my bro were gonna bury my friend while we all tripped on shrooms. Is that a fun story?
Its better to get rid of the body when youre sober, lets hope its not found. 🤔
Sounds like a good time
It's funny 😂😂😂
And then you got home
You kidding, that’s hilarious dude 😂
I stopped drinking because half a piny got me pissed where I could hardly stand so I thought what's the point
This guy is dark lol
I love the taste of alcohol.
Me, too!
Whiskey makes my knuckles bleed
Convict
Then I don't drink because I don't hate myself enough
You drink because you hate the people!
Wtf is up with the editing in this video??
I think it's to stop it from being taken down. I've seen a fair few videos over the years with similar editing. Or maybe it's the same editor and they're completely ratarsed.
It’s sad that someone thinks that he HAS to drink.
I must respectfully disagree with you Jim,I love the taste of Beer and Vodka . Lol
1:10 Do 3 in a row. There's a difference.
No smoking they should have to stay outside so the smoke is contained inside for safety outside they get fresh air and keep the smoke inside so no one gets second hand smoke just saying I'll be honest I just thought no smoking meant if you don't smoke the don't buy them pretty simple choice kinda like a reminder if you don't smoke you don't have to but I Canet red nor spill fery will iny wheys like it says no smoking is OK to say no if you don't want to
Central Australia... Enough said..
I don't drink and I've got stories that would make jim Jefferies shit his pants....again.
I was going to type the exact thing! 😆
I can't drink due to health issues. Haven't for over 10 years. People are always laughing at stories/jokes I tell or just when I'm in conversation. My longest buddy calls me "Walt" didn't know why for many years. Said I have more stories than Walt Disney. I've had an entertaining life until like 3-4 years ago.
@Amy Stone I think you might have bored them to beyond recognition
@@Ginty2023 to be clear, it's in the past but... I was leaning more like, me hiding in a swamp till 3am waiting for the cleaning crew to leave so I can dawn my ski mask, steal the key from the lock box outside the first building then proceed to break in to get to the keys to the second building where the $ was where as I'd be able to maintain my massive pill addiction. But at least I wasn't some filthy disgusting alcoholic. LOL
(very extremely intentionally vague)
@@slowpoke6743 good luck with that then lol
I don’t drink any more ,but I don’t drink any less.
Why do these videos keep jumpong at the punch lines
Well he's wrong. I do love the taste of tequila. Although ciggy's ought to be banned...
Dont know how anyone can enjoy drinking without sparking one up
@@casey9212 true that. gimme 3 packs. fkn chimney up in here
He no longer drinks.
I never drink, and it's not about the taste, except wine. Wine is gross.
😊
don't drink, do meth... you'll get home, if you have one
I Swear To God : Drinking and smoking || Jim Jefferies. nearly American... nearly.
We'll said brother it the truth
bad start i think everyone who drinks is boring.
Wot u think she ain’t got skills?
I don't drink because there are way better drugs.
Dont agree . Ive many friends who do not drink & theyre funny AF. u pissed in ur pants w their crazy stories that didnt involved getting pissed, hookers or dirty talk.. but JJ run his show being terribly pissed but he is a high performing alcoholic..that ive to give it to him.
Funny how he's quit now! Hmmm?
Irony personified.....he's now a non drinker!!!!
he still drink just not during his shows
People change, you want stale robots, go to jack off a dog.
Back when Jim was funny and before he sold out. Shame.
Are you a MAGAt or an Ammosexual by chance? Is that what "sold out" means?
I would sell out as well, make your money and get out. Save your sanity.
I know this is a month ago but went to a recent show of his in new zealand and he's still very funny hasn't changed much honestly
@@Adrian-oi6yj good to hear. He was class in the uk.
Eh let him make money.
It won’t earn his integrity back.
continuity is so bad.
He might say some home truths but then compare him to the famous Australian comedian who has just died