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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 25. 07. 2024
- Let's say Sexless Marriage Advice For Frustrated Spouses is needed. It happens -being in a sexless relationship. This is my sexless marriage advice for men. Here are my top tips for sexless marriage advice for frustrated husband and wife. The questions is sexless relationships how to deal. Its not easy listening to sexless marriage advice for frustrated couples but this is the best advice for men
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Got married in 1985. Had 3 kids. No sex for me since 2005 now. Even before then it was once about every 4 weeks for us. We have slept in separate rooms since the late 90s. Deeply distraught, I went to 5 different counselors on my own (she would not go), then left her for 7 weeks, but came back because of the kids, which are grown now. The whole long term situation ended up killing my male libido, so I'm just resigned to it all now. She is GREAT in the kitchen, but bedroom fun ended many years ago. Our grown kids are STILL living at home. When they came along, for her, it was 99 percent about them and I just became Johnny Paycheck and DIY man around the house.
Dude - I'm so sorry this has been your experience. I have some content I deliver around what I call "relationship geometry" - and sometimes (moms especially) one partner puts the kid(s) at the center of their lives, their sense of being and/or sense of self-worth so ALL their energy gets directed into the kids and partners become an afterthought. Unfortunately, if your wife doesn't see a problem that needs to be resolved, you can't MAKE her adapt, shift, change - you can only influence or harmonize. And it sounds like you've chosen to harmonize with the situation. So long as the kids are living at home, it seems like her "momma" identity is running the show. When they move out, things might change. Or her hormones could have been shifted/reset with one of the pregnancies. Menopause might also shift her drives around, too - but tend to take men down a notch in libido as they age... overall, not a fun situation. :(
You are a victim of the bait and switch. She got what she wanted from you and you no longer serve a purpose for her.
John - unfortunately, people are complex and relationships are rarely so simple as one data point explains everything.
@@JeremyRoadruck
I am an absolute and linear thinker so it's very clear for me. Statistics can be manipulated any way a person wants to. It is simple you either go or stay. If you go get your mind right so you don't jack yourself up for later relationships if that's what you want. If you stay you put up with it or get some kind of help. It s not hard but doing the work to fix it is
fair points - however, does everyone share your model of the world? Is life so binary for every human being on the planet that they can just either stay or go and there's nothing else to consider? Data is one thing, trend lines is another - plotting out a trendline requires at least three data points first - and also requires a fair degree of confidence in data points and extrapolations to trend line. Then factor in family pressure, financial pressures, child rearing... worked with a dad who was suicidal earlier this week because his wife dropped divorce on him out of nowhere and he's overwhelmed with a lack of finances and not being able to be with his kids daily. His logic was to kill himself - he was running along your binary lines, felt the court would never give him access to his kids, he can't afford to fight so just give up and give her everything. In my experience working with people for over 26 years is that people are more quantum state than atomic model, ya?
I found my darling wife in Thailand. She's traditional, respectful and loving, we have a very happy marriage.
awesome for you!
Marriage is like a Tornado: "In the beginning there's a lot of blowing and sucking, Then you lose your house".
This is so wrong, and kinda hella funny at the same time. There are marriages that run like this, to be sure. Kinda the point of our channel - to help couples not have your example as their only possible example!
Lmao
I agree with the part about loosing your house but there isnât any sucking or blowing.
@@grizzlybear2702 well they act and pretend to like you, after the contract she will show her true face
đđđđđđ
How to avoid sexless marriage: do not get married
You're not wrong, but that's not quite helpful for people who want to get married, n'est ce pas?
@@JeremyRoadruck well, to be honest, getting married nowadays is a gamble and men have a lot more to lose than women, just sayin', thanks for your reply
I dunno - I think everyone has something to lose. I do think anyone going into a marriage with scarcity in thinking is going to cause problems for both, and any kids involved. I've seen horror cases on both sides, unfortunately. :(
@@JeremyRoadruck what do you mean by scarcity in mind?
@@pbmbuss scarcity - basically, a fixed mindset that there's a limited supply or "only so much" available.
If one or both partners goes into a relationship thinking, believing, feeling, "knowing" that it's a game of take before being taken, that BS (belief system) will drive a lot of negative behavior, tends to generate a lack of trust, suspicion.
If you believe the worst about others, or have a negative bias - or some might say 'realistic' or 'practical' - well, we tend to find what we're looking for.
If you look for the best in your partner, it's easier to see that too.
However, reality isn't either trust or not trust - there's a dynamic, shifting, moving balance to be found in the ebbs and flows of life and love.
Helps clarify?
To the women looking at this : sex is important to men, so is your physical fitness. The next time you turn him down and don't give him a "rain check" picture your man with another woman. The next time you look at yourself in the mirror, ask yourself : "would you give yourself a second glance?" It takes effort but it's worth it ladies. I feel like crying for these men who are aching with loneliness.
Thank you for this- comment, you raise a VERY important point - when I was single, there were YEARS where I didn't have ANY physical content with another human being. Sure, I was training martial arts so I was literally touching and being touched, but defenses were up, it was impact, tackles, chokes, violence for a purpose. NOT the same thing... a few handshakes, but no hugs, no pats on the shoulders, NO ONE touched my back because that's personal, private.... unless I hired a massage therapist for a professional massage (not a "'happy ending" type of guy).
The only thing is doing something out of a desire for a higher level of connection vs. doing something out of obligation, fear of loss, "have to"... that RARELY leads to sexy fun times.
I don't think that ladies fully appreciate the POWER of their bodies, their touch is for men. While ladies are often so judgmental of themselves, and withhold because they aren't happy, he's starving for her attention and is more than willing and happy to worship her on all levels. It's sometimes just a simple matter of letting him know what it takes to win with you and he'll ALL IN! Game on, y'all! :)
Patricia what your asking them to do would require them to be accountable for their actions and have self reflection that is not found in any female I've ever encountered in my time on this planet. Females avoid accountability at all costs and only accept it when it is forced upon them. Even then they play the victim and complain about the consequences. She will deny him sex for no legitimate reason yet complain if he were to get it elsewhere. I'm not reccommening he should do that but they shouldn't be surprised if it happens. A hungry man doesn't care who feeds him as long as he can eat
John you've had some negative experiences, I can see that clear enough - but you do realize you're painting something like half the species with a VERY broad brush, ya? If 8.3 billion people, half-ish are women so you can extrapolate from your personal data set to 4.15 billion people...? I know plenty of women engineers that would take some pretty big umbrage at your assertion.
And, then you also paint men with a pretty broad brush, too. Lots of negativity in your comments so maybe you need to take your own advice and "go get your mind right" as you commented elsewhere.
I take it you're currently in a passionate, giving, rewarding relationship with a woman who operates like an equal, yes?
@@johnreed9050 Nice, hardworking women are out there! Mother Goose with the kids, steady carreer/job, loyal wife, and romantic/fun in the bedroom đ keep looking my friend.
@@patricias6227
I think I would see a unicorn shitting rainbow before I see the females you speak of
Marriage sucks. Save yourself, donât get married.
sorry to read that your experience wasn't so great - unfortunately, we're kinda wired to want to pair off, have kids... so for a great majority of humanity, marriage is part of their life path. So, doing what we can to help support fun, playful, mutually enriching and amazing marriages. Often starts with recognizing standards and boundaries BEFORE getting intimate with someone. We hope you one day find someone who delights in you just being you, no manipulation.
I agree.. Marriage will simply kill your sex life. I'm on my second sexless marriage and I realize now that the only way to get past this is to NEVER EVER GET MARRIED AGAIN... EVER... E..V...E...R..
@@jdub3853 dude - commented on your other comment and just saw this one. I'm married 7 years and our sex life is rocking and rolling. There are steps to be taken, it's not the thing - like marriage - it's HOW you do the thing. Pick a good partner, know her values and vision in life and go from there.
@@jdub3853 Well no long term relationship, no cohabitation and no marriage is the way to go
Shaken not Stirred - and leaves no lasting legacy - not all guys are good with that long term. Some are. In all things, mileage can vary.
Donât get married.
We're really sorry to read that you had such a negative experience. With the right person, a marriage can be an endless sleepover with your weirdest and sexiest best friend that you get to have sex with... and sometimes argue over what to have/make for dinner. And back rubs. Oh, oh! And shower together, that's noice, too. Hope you find yourself a relationship that lights you up!
@Wordsmith 430 horrible for both if they are not committed in a covenant of for better or worse. Itâs takes two to tango.
@@johnnygag1 No, it does not âtake two to tangoâ. With no fault divorce it only takes one to say theyâre not âhaaaaappyâ and to pull the pin on the marriage and detonate the family.
It is women, not men, initiating this quite gleefully at a rate of 75%.
You could be Superman, excellent provider and protector, well endowed, man of God, and it would matter not.
God and Jesus stand there arms folded. Impotent or at best apathetic.
No one GAF.
Fathers are now superfluous. Husbands are not wanted anyway except in so far as he can be her human shield, emotional dumping ground or ATM.
The advice not to marry is the correct one.
Not all women will do this.
But all women CAN do this.
And even now, with the Church pews devoid of men, that truth and reality is what social conservatives still cannot even admit to themselves
I never thought I would cheat on my companion. I she isn't interested in me at all. It really doesn't seem like it would be cheating. I need to make love to an appreciative woman.
then end things first, that way it's not cheating - it's a new relationship.
Sexless relationship ?? Yo that's not a relationship that's coexistence and it's not for me
ayup - not for me either, but for some people - low sex drive, unresolved sexual trauma, lack of self-worth and other reasons, having a safe co-existence is enough for them. And that's cool so long as BOTH partners are on the same page. If one or the other wants more, different, else... that's not going to be sustainable in the long-run. Good that you know what you want for yourself. That's the first step to a great live and legendary love!
@@JeremyRoadruck
Add mental health to that, depression, high functioning autism, add, adhd, etc
@@chuchonchuchon7640 for me, that drops into the "healthy enough for sex" category - some people on spectrum have no sex drive, and others do. There's no hard and fast "'always"
I have been there. That marriage ended. Fact is, she donât love you. My wife now of 6 years, sex is good. I am no longer controlled. Good luck fellas.
I often make the analogy of a fence:
nail gets driven in (or make a "mistake" in a relationship),
nail pulled out (apologize),
hole gets patched over (do better),
but then new nail, and repeat the pattern a few times. Looks good from the outside, but crumbled on the inside. That happens to walls, happens to relationships. Glad that you got out and found a better situation that works for you and your wife!
There are too many dynamics to just say âif youre in a sexless marriage she doesnât love youâ.. he touched on several of these dynamics.
@@ascendingLOTUS exactly - people are complex, marriages are even MORE complex.
That is great
âIâd rather not be hereâ hits the nail on the head. Thanks. I needed that clarity.
Glad it resonated for you â€ïž hope things get better for you
@@JeremyRoadruck Thanks. It has gotten *better* ;o) Very much obliged!
@@brightpage1020 that's awesome! If you don't mind me asking, what's been the difference maker? And if you do mind me asking, no offense meant. Love to capture what's working to others can repeat - success leaves clues!
@@JeremyRoadruck I convinced him to go on vacation with us to see my family out of state, where we had child care help for the first time in a year. That was all it took.
Also, my married sister was warming up to my husband because hers isn't handy around the house and mine is a Mr. Fix It, so she found him very helpful. It made me realize how I'd taken him for granted and how valuable he is do our family and how loyal.
change and growth are almost always possible, yay team!
Whereâs the womenâs who live in a sexless marriage. I think everyone who gets married and refuses to have sex with their spouse is a selfish horrible individual.
You mean where's the video for women living in a sexless marriage, or who are these women? And to your point, I don't think people go into a marriage to not have sex. In my experience, they go into a marriage with a set of rules - conscious and usually mostly unconscious - about sex and physical intimacy. And often don't have the tools to speak up about their desires, needs, wants, drives... and so expectations and obligations, conflicting "musts," unresolved minor wounds start to get in the way and overshadow their partner, and overshadow the relationship itself.
Women love sexless marriages. They dream about it on their wedding nights and fake headaches to avoid it
not true. May you never experience this
@@grizzlybear2702 uuum, yeah - no. That's not at all true for all women on the planet. Some, sure. All - definitely NOT
@@JeremyRoadruck where is the video for the women who are living with husbands who refuse to have sex with them.
I really wish she would bow out gratefully đ because she is never going to give it up for me and she continues to make me feel rejected, miserable, lonely and desperate for sexual intimacy. đą
so what are you doing to be a participant in your own rescue? Giving up your power, or...? Not judging, genuinely asking - relationships take 2. And, why should she have to bow out? Why not you bow out?
Great video J!!
THANK YOU! :) You ROCK!
You don't have to be married, you can live with somebody and this happens, rejection makes you unhappy, so pack your bags and go, its hard but you will feel the happiness eventually come back into your life that you deserve , rejection is a dreadful soul destroying feeling
very true - I've "couched" the language of my clips to focus on marriage as I help primarily help dads/husbands - but a lot of this content maps to women in relationships as well as co-habituating or monogamous, non-marriage type relationships, too.
Marriage is a gamble and I am indeed the loser. Lots of lucky men definitely have a much better life after marriage. I am the completely the opposite.
it's not so much luck as it is skill and preparation... I'm "lucky" in my marriage, but I prepared for being a husband and dad for literally 30 years. At 9, I decided I wanted to be a dad.. but I had a LOT to sort out within myself before I was ready for that. Didn't get married until 38, my daughter was born at 39. So, while I don't know your exact situation, I can tell you that there's ways to make things better. Starts with you getting clear on yourself.
Thank you for so to the point!
thank you for the feedback - glad it landed for you! :)
Heâs been in a sexless, loveless marriage for 45 years. He has had numerous affairs. He doesnât want a divorce because he has children and grandchildren. Heâs comfortable with his life even though heâs lonely and sad. He and his wife do not talk and sleep in separate bedrooms.
who is "he"? And, that sucks. If they don't talk, sounds like they might be less than roommates and are merely cohabitating... but... if "he" isn't in enough existential pain, he's not gonna change. To me, that's living in hell. He's not drowning, not thriving -just merely survivng. He's got to decide what he truly wants and deserves, no outside force is going to compell him. And, "he" isn't searching out clips like this, unfortunately. :(
The biggest thing I took out of that is my wife is stressed and doesn't have the energy to put into our relationship at the moment. I should still be telling her what I need even though I have not done so yet. That is a very interesting concept because I am afraid of creating more distance by doing that. Perhaps, she doesn't know what my needs are anymore after being emotionally distant for many years.
It's a challenging situation to be sure. If possible, maybe spotlight her first - ask what she needs, and what it would provide to her to have those needs met. Might help her feel seen and heard. Autumn and I just recorded something on this for Wednesday's podcast, March 3rd.
@@JeremyRoadruck k
Or maybe she doesn't care
or she could be overwhelmed, her biology could be shifting... correlation isn't always causation.
@@JeremyRoadruck
She has the insurance policy and now she doesn't have to pretend to care anymore.he hasbecomethe atm.I have seen this happen more times than I can count and I don't even have that big of a circle of people to base it on.i was the the one one who did all the diaper changing and bottle feeding for the first 2 months of my son's life.he had plenty of free time to recover and do what she needed to do to get back to who she was before baby. But when you are told point blank that there's not going to be any more sex it's hard not to feel like you're being used. Your advice may work but only if she actually wants to apply it
Let me know if this helps - guys you are NOT alone is Sexless Marriage / Sexless Relationship
@@roni-bv7by yeah, that's kinda NOT a niche people want to advertise. Maybe check Tinder, Match, etc
@@roni-bv7by ashley madison
I have to agree with you there buddy!
Arguments, fussing and fighting do help kill sex drive with your partner!!!
yep - difficult for many of us because masculine tends to operate out of what we know, value, think and feminine tends to operate out of what they sense, believe, and feel. Can very quickly lead to mismatching... men are NOT hairless, insenstive women and women are NOT emotionally self-indulgent, less hairy men! We're BOTH driven by different polarity and that can create some pretty amazing expeiences when we APPRECAITE the differences instead of judging each other as wrong for being different! Thank you for the comment, you rock!
I like your 5 to thrive! Some of us are not in a totally sexless marriage, but it's still a sexually frustrating marriage. I guess you could say we have mismatched sex drives. I have one, she really doesn't. Never has. She just doesn't have that spark, or need or whatever it is. She expects me to create it in her, which I can do on occasions, but I just want a woman that actually has a real need if you know what I mean.
I do - the challenge is in living and loving in desire - instead of consciously creating connection moments.
Do you know her pumpkin hours? Her desserts? I've made a study of my wife - I delight in keeping her interested and playful so she's hungry for me - and that requires knowing the ebb and flow of her cycle, the chores around the house, creating space for her to be interested in connecting with me on all levels.
There's 4 levels to intimacy - physical intimacy for women is the LAST, other things need to be in place first. For example, if our kitchen counter tops are cluttered - even after cleaning the entire house - for my wife, that clutter on the countertops makes her feel like our whole house is a disaster. So, I keep the flat surfaces in the kitchen clean. Not from a desire to people please, or "earn" the right to sexy fun times - I just know that it's an irritant to her so I handle it before she notices and she feels less stressed in our home.
Things like that can transform a marriage and sexy fun times. I have an intimacy course if you're interested - opens up a TON of new possibilities when you focus on consciously creating connections.
Check out: www.theparentingprogram.com/shop/6cq28oug95ug7mcfajr8c4her0tgbx - I've got a pretty powerful workshop to increasing intimacy
I saw some people tried the testosterone therapy for their wives and it worked like a charm!
Great content looking forward to seeing this issue explored further
Thank you! You have great taste in youtube channels, obviously! :)
came here for advice, didn't expect to be laughing so hard @2:36, thanks
My dude!
Amazing.. wow !
thank you - glad it landed! :)
Or u marriad ????
đâ€
So true.
I want to end my marriage - for myself, because I'm not happy in it... but also for my kids. I do not want them growing up looking at us, and hearing us fight, and being not nice to each other. They shoud see a different model for the remainer of their childhood, like the one I had growing up. Of parents being supportive of each others decisions. With my wife it's quite the opposite.
We dislike each other so much, that we fight each other every step of the way.
It all started right at the beginning, with who should move in with who. At first, I thought it's something normal, a power struggle to determine who will get the upper hand, who will lead the relationship. I had my arguments, and she had hers, normal. But than the bickering over everything just got too much for me.
Later there were disagreements about naming our kids. If she loves me, why doesn't she want to name our firstborn after me?
Now that they are in school, its about who should take them there, and pick them up afterwards, and take them to afterschool activities. Constant fighting.
I say what I would like, but that is not important to my wife. Only her plans are important to her, my do not count. I want to go to the movies, she has other plans (not involving me). I want to go somewhere for the weekend, just to spend some time with her, alone, without kids. "No." And it's not just a singular "no", the answer is always: "no".
A year ago we 'celebrated' our 10th anniversary. Celebrated is incorrect. It came, it passed, and nothing happened... I wanted to take her away, offered it many times throught the year, and the answer was always no. Our 11th anniversary passed, just like our 10th. It meant nothing for my wife.
Throwing our wedding picture to the bin also meant nothing to her. "The frame got broken, so I threw it away." As simple as that.
And denying sex is also something normal.
Everything, everything, is strange about this woman.
I susspect she has a mental illness of some sort. Narcissism is not enough to explain her strange behavior.
I once asked her to hug me. (Perhaps she understood that I want sex, perhaps rightly so.) Anyway her reply was, "go to the cemetary, open up your mothers grave, she will hug you." Whatever she understood, her reply just amazes me. All these years later, I simply cannot understand where this hatered came from. My mom died before my marriage to this girl, she wasn't against it or anything like that. Why is my wife saying such things?
Or another example: "I'm gratefull you gave birth to my kids, your bed was destroyed by our kids jumping on it, let me buy you a new one." Her reply, "You know I can kill them!"
Where is her hatered coming from. I'm not saying anything bad to her, why is she attacking me?
Everytime I open my mouth to speak to her, her response is like in the two examples above.
I want to have sex. I wouldn't mind another child. But not with this girl. I want to get away from her as far as possible, I'm thinking of finding a job abroad, just to get away from her.
Outside of our marriage she seems to function just fine. She is able to keep a job, she has friends.
Only I see her nasty side. During the divorce I'll have no one to back me up, just members of my own family who I confided in. Everyone else will back her up.
If I move abroad, or start working as a truck driver, being absent from home for 3 weeks at a time, I'm sure she will use it against me. She will say that I abandoned her and the kids.
I don't want to loose them. Who will protect them from her if I'm away? My dad? He is old and sick. His heart is bearly functioning as it is. If he gets into a heated argument with her, he might get a heart atack.
If her words are anything to go by, she might poison him, or something like that. Parhaps even me, or the kids. Who knows what she is capable of doing.
I don't want to loose my kids, but at the same time, I can't go on like this.
People have told me to stay and gather evidence against her. But she is carefull. When she writes to me, there is nothing crazy in those texts. It's only when we are at home.
When I first told her that I want a divorce, she got a job as an assistant to a lawer. She will be able to defend herself in court far better than me. I fear that my kids will be taken away from me. It will be my word against hers.
Sexless marriage is bad. I'm in it, I know.
But being hurt, ridiculed by your partner everyday is worse. I come to the house and she yeals to me from upstairs to turn off the gas underneath a pot. There are two of them on the stove, so I ask "Wich one?". "The round one" is her reply.
Yes, I probably have disgraffia, as you can tell by reading this text. I can't spell.
I might even have autism. Two of our three kids were diagnosed with it. They must have gotten it from somewhere, perhaps it was me that passed it on to them.
But I'm not stupid. I know that a pot is round. I do not need her to tell me this.
My kids can hear all this. The way she treats me, speaks to me. Later they repeat the things they heard their mother say. When they want to speak to me, they call me "idiot", "stupid", "stupid idiot".
The time I met my wife I was at university. Postgraduate. I did not finish that because the kids came along, but I'm not stupid. Not smart enough to know how to get out of this marriage. But smart enough to know what a pot looks like.
And smart enough to know that a good relationship should not look like this.
that is a LOT going on... not sure where you're located, but first step is talking to a lawyer - she's working in a law office, okay. Fight fire with fire. You deserve to be loved and adored, not twisted and used and abused. It's not healthy for you, not healthy for your kids.
Very interesting
What stood out for you the most?
Yeah I wish I was as simple as that.
My friend is trying to point out to me how my situation needs to change and Iâm starting to listen.
I know itâs not possible for me to continue for another year like this it might take a little bit more time but I can feel my resentment and anger increasing weekly.
Ultimately, it's all patterns of behavior. Often driven by unresolved wounds and unmet needs. Get to clarity and progress is possible. Change is possible. Happy to talk 1:1 if you'd like to talk some specifics. Http://bit.ly/talktojeremy to get some time
Can you give a few examples of a five to thrive list?
@katiehansen5913 - they're really unique to the person. What's a need for you, like if you don't get it you kinda go crazy-pants and might be very seriously tempted to lie, cheat, steal to get your need met? Like, need to eat, need. If you're not getting your needs met, the relationship is going to crash and burn, quickly. Wants are important but you absolutely won't lie, cheat, steal to get them.
So, have a client, 55+ woman, and she needs a good morning text from her man as they don't live together at this point. Just a simple, 'good morning beautiful, have a great day" and she's on cloud nine with him. When she doesn't get a good morning text, she starts to get anxious - is he okay? is he mad at me? Did I do something, or not do something? And her thoughts just spin and spin and she feels unsettled all day long. And that's okay - that's part of what makes her, her. I'm not here to judge what she needs, or what her needs "should" be - she just has to OWN her needs, wants, etc.
The RIGHT Man for her will DELIGHT in sending her a good morning text - he knows how to win with her, he gets rewarded with love, praise, admiration (aka he 'scores points' with her because she expresses how his actions make her feel good) - and the wrong guy for her (note: guy, not Man) - will make her wrong for her needing a good morning text.
When I started working with her, it was to help her address her feelings of general anxiety in life and love. The guy she was dating at the time was 2x divorced, had a 23-year-old daughter, and was VERY resistant to sending a good morning text - essentially his attitude was "I'm not gonna have no woman tell me what to do" - so I knew the relationship was doomed from the start. He's got an unresolved wound with the feminine so there's nothing positive that can happen until he gets his own healing completed first. But, of course, he didn't have a problem with not texting because not gonna be told what do to by a woman.
Now, she put together her 5 to Thrive, and - per my suggestion - started her first dates with her list. The key is to sort OUT the people who will NEVER match, instead of waiting until you catch feelings before sharing your 5 - so she sorted out a few guys, felt a bit scared about it - and is now dating a guy who adores her 5 to Thrive. He's like, "I've got a roadmap to win with you!" - which is why I do my Roadmap to Relationship Mastery for Men program, as well as The Ultimate Husband and Child Hack-Pack for women. The Hack Pack goes deep into the 5 to Thrive as well as how to address/resolve the top 10 problems most guys have in relationships. If either of those might be helpful, more than happy to share links to dig in a bit more. :)
I really do wish I could say this advice helped.. but the reality is the only cure for a sexless marriage is divorce.. it sucks, but that's what it is.. no amount of talking will help.. I could watch a million of these vids, but at the end of the day there really isn't anything that can be done about it. I will be divorced again.
dude! I feel for you man, but I can tell you that patterns repeat until they are resolved. If you want to talk 1:1, happy to dig in a bit more into your situation. I've got clients who existed their marriages with their self-respect and integrity intact, learning and growing, raise their standards for the next relationship... AND, I've had clients make some adjustments, tweak their dynamics and recover their marriages. Even when his wife cheated - he decided me was more committed to her and their life together, took ownership of where things weren't okay with him and lit her up. This is a general clip for the general world. I can tell you, if you've given up, then you're right - there's no recovery. I wish you well on your journey and hope your heart finds peace.
Divorce her and get married again that is much better.
Rafiqun, unfortunately, not everyone is in such a position as to simple kill a relationship - kids, property to divide, self-worth and even when a person exits there's still the correlating and causation factors to address or you just bring the same issues with you into your next relationship.
@@JeremyRoadruck Still from a religious perspective being sexless is wrong and most people may cheat and do sin but if they are unmarried and divorced then they can have sex by sinning and also by getting married again i mean there is a choice but while being married it is harmful.
Rafiqun - not so sure I follow what you're saying. Religion is often about power and control as compared to an active spiritual life and drawing closer to a personal experience of the divine. So, bringing religion is a non-starter for me as I don't bring religion into this conversation for a reason. Appeals to authority are red herrings aka not part of the content on this channel.
My relationship is fun and playful and romantic, weâre deeply in love with each other but still my partner pulls away from sex almost every single time we try to be intimate and rejects me completely.
have you two talked about what's going on, about that pattern? Are you approaching at the wrong time/place, or your partner have some past trauma - or need a certain level of certainty first (aka put a ring on it)... ? If that pulling away behavior doesn't work for you - gotta get to the roots and resolve it or this current reality is going to be your forever reality.
she sees you as a BETA MALE PROVIDER! your her emotional tampon!!!!!! Your the shoulder to cry on, your LITERALLY her gay bestfriend! This women doesn't love you, she loves the validation and attention you give her!
@@mohamedadan6678 The whole "beta" thing is definitely played out and absolutely NOT supported by research. It came out of work on wolves in captivity, not nature, and the guy who coined the term? Yeah, he's been working for 40 years to kill that concept but it's such an easy, false dichotomy that it continues to get passed around. Check out www.mawer.com/the-art-of-boring/blog/the-myth-of-the-alpha-wolf and look into the work of David Mech as his book, The Wolf: The Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species, introduced the concept in the late 60s. In his book, Mech references the work of Rudolph Shenkel, a biologist who studied the behavior of wolves in a German zoo in 1944. It was Shenkel who first coined the term âalpha wolfâ in reference to his observation that male and female wolves seemed to compete to become dominant within their group. Mech then included the term in his book.
She's not sexually attracted to you. Dump her
@Tomas Honey, there are plenty of other women out there.
My husband had prostate cancer and had the surgery 6 months after we got married. No sex afterwards and it's been 7 years now and I feel like I'm living with my brother. No affection at all, nothing! I can't believe I am living like this.
Very sad indeed you need serious councelling.
that's a really difficult position to be in - is there a reason you're staying? I can guess at a few, but if you want more for your life, living like this isn't truly loving on his part.
@@JeremyRoadruck I told him to get the surgery because I didn't want him to die! Ever since he's treated me like I made this happen to him. Distant, emotionally unavailable. I'm staying because he's used all my money to purchase our home and I can't afford to move. I have applied for section 8 housing but it can take years.
@@josephkeith6148 I go but he refuses. Just's get angry.
@@susanmagnuson9174 I'm sorry this is your situation.
And when the menopause hits?
There's no hard-and-fast-for-all-cases type answer - so, I'mma hafta ask a bit of context - you asking as a woman who had a shift in sex drive?
What if theres nothing to take let alone receive
I'm sorry if that's your situation. Definitely cannot be easy! If this is the case for you, then it's time to take a serious look at what's going on overall in the relationship. One thing I can suggest is checking out www.jeremyroadruck.com/intimacy for 10 tips to a better relationship for successful men!
If you're in a sexually-active relationship and your partner won't have sex with you for longer than one month, then LEAVE! IMMEDIATELY!
Notice that I said "won't" - it's a completely different situation if there is travel or medical issues or whatever... but if you're with someone who doesn't want to be with you, then you're wasting your time and your life.
Bad days don't always lead to bad weeks, but they often do.
Bad weeks don't always lead to bad months, but they often do.
Bad months almost always become bad years.
Bad years almost always become bad decades.
End the cycle before its too late - the sunken costs are gone anyway, but reclaim whatever can be salvaged with your life and livelihood.
Trust me - I've lost 10 of my best years to the most useless wife imaginable.
Ayup - it's all about clarity and figuring out if you can "win" with this other person.
Damn homie thas cold blooded
@@The-Black-Militant to a certain degree, it's cold - however, if it's a matter of "won't" verses y'all can figure out a way to talk, connect, move the conversation forward... can't win with someone who doesn't want to let you win. Have a client right now, he's been working for 2 years to recover his marriage but every time he tries to get close, she backs off. Until she's willing to allow herself to forgive him, he won't get any traction with her. If her self-worth is getting in the way, "deserves," unmet (or unvoiced) expectations are clouding her heart or mind... they're done. He knows what he wants in his intimate life, he's willing to put in the work to grow, but she refuses to "let him win" - be spontaneous, no gimmicks, no tricks... but she doesn't trust him to lead...
@BENYJOSE1, I needed to hear this. At 60 Iâve not got as many years left. The years certainly turned into decades. Iâve been wanting to jump ship for the last twenty years. To have those years backâŠâŠ
@@SammifromMiami I understand that you'll always mourn the time that you lost, but try to focus on building towards your best life without the dead weight. You've got this!
I believe in you; go get it!
I'v been trapped in a 34 year ( in april ) sexless marriage. Haven't had sex in over 5 1/2 years.
Iâm right there also.. 36 years in April... Itâs hard to leave and hard to stay...
@@garygreen4368 I know your pain friend.!
Gentlemen - I feel for you both! Unfortunately, it's a complicated topic that often requires a delicate or light touch. Does your wife see the lack of sex as a problem? Often, women don't realize just how powerful sex is for men on multiple levels. Assuming you're both medically capable and so are your wives, then it comes down to the rules, beliefs and values that either align or mismatch, and history/herstory together. Expectations and obligations kill sexy fun times. I have a few trainings and courses if you'd like to delve in a bit more - or maybe explore a 1:1 option, even strategic shifts as a couple. Helped a couple that had been in counselling/therapy for 11 years to make some strong shifts to the positive.
@@garygreen4368 It is hard yes. However, you have a future by leaving the titanic mess. If you stay, you go down with it. Women in sexless marriages are not really not having sex. She probably got a boyfriend behind your back. Go check him out!
Unfortunately, Shaken not Stirred, you might not be wrong. She might not be sexless, just sexless in this relationship - regardless, original commenter needs to decide for himself where he is willing and able to draw boundaries and set the standards in his life.
Not Mates or Lovers
Now mostly companions ...
Sooner I except this the better I'll be is the way I feel now
no judgment on my side - Is that what fulfills you? Or more of a "I'll take what I can get" type situation?
@@JeremyRoadruck
Don't know what fullfils me ?
And almost at the point where I don't want what ever might be given. Almost an insulate now.
Married 30 years , I tried it my way for the first 25 now time to give up or do it her way
@@dougg4633 on the "what fulfils you" conversation, it's just a matter of what lights you up - with or without her. With my clients, the first step is always getting clear on what you want first and foremost. If you don't know what you want, it's really difficult to create it.
If you want something to truly be your best self, and she refuses to provide it, then you're at a moment of make or break.
What worked "your way" for 25 years? What didn't work for you? And what worked for her, and what didn't work for her... all your way, all her way... that runs the risk of two ships passing in the night instead of a relationship that delights BOTH your souls... your way, her way sets the foundation for a battle - or co-create OUR way... makes sense?
@@JeremyRoadruck
Thank you,
I'll give what you said thought
@@dougg4633 its what I'm here for, man!
Every time I try to talk to her about it, she shuts down, says " I don't want to talk about it" been married for only 2 years. I am so depressed and she doesn't seem to care. I love her so much though, and our 8 month baby.. don't know what to do
Man, I feel for you, I really do. That's a difficult position to be in. Are either of you getting support for this? Postpartum is absolutely a thing (www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617) and it can impact you too. Pregnancy can nerf a woman's hormone system and shift how she things and feels. It's NOT a character flaw in any way, it's just how it goes sometimes. Not talking about it isn't going to magically improve things. But HOW you talk about it can make her feel safe, or feel lke you're demanding from her. Also, depending on how she relates to the baby - for some women, the baby is EVERYTHING, and she just expects you to suck it up and drive on. Happy to grab some time to talk 1:1 with you, help point you in a direction.
@@JeremyRoadruck thank you so much for your response Jeremy! I would love to get to speak to you one-on-one
@@solarcutgems glad to be of service! you can grab 15 minutes here: calendly.com/jeremy-182/15chat
You have been used as a sperm donor and financial provider , there is absolutely nothing you can do about the situation to make it better you can remain in a sexless loveless marriage and help raise your child and put up with the situation. You can get divorced have your child assets and income taken from you by this con artist you married and is endorsed by the state and society. Or you can have many affairs and live your life move to another country don't regret wasted years.
I'm 38 been with the same woman for 20 yrs. I love her to death but sexless marriage is the worst! I'm lucky if I get laid 1 a month. She blames it on hormones lv but refuses to see the doc about it.
"Deal with it."
That's a difficult position to be in - especially with the "deal with it" kinda gauntlet/challenge type thing being thrown at your feet. People grow and change, especially from 18 to 38 - married? Or just 'together'? That can mean something to your partner. Generally, it's rare that it's a sudden pivot from lovey-dovey to don't touch me - it's generally a slow death by a thousand cuts. If you haven't seen it, I'd suggest you check out the 'Coming Home Like a King' report I created (bit.ly/homelikeaking) and there's also an Intimacy Workshop I recorded last month (www.theparentingprogram.com/intimacy) - at this point it's just $27 and shouldn't break the bank. I'd love for you to check them out, put 'em in to practice and see if that helps shift things better..... or, possibly, give you clarity on the type of relationship you deserve and desire. If you can't create it here, you might have to exit with your self-respect and integrity to find a situation where you can win, where you'll be appreciated. Hope things change for you soon! Just gotta do a few different things.
@oldschoolnes, I feel your pain brother. I WISH I could get it once a month.
@Wordsmith 430 same here. Multiple complaints, won't deal with any of them.
@Wordsmith 430 me too. I would have left yesterday if I hadn't retired early. Now I've got a little more work to do, but the process is in motion. Life is too short, and at 60 it is even shorter. My wife won't even initiate a kiss with me anymore. I'm done.
That's great but how do you just leave when you are married and have kids. Not so easy which ends up making you angry and a bad parent because you not getting it. Then your partner has hide to say your a bad parent. Because of them!
If you're unhappy and you stay, what are you teaching your kids? An unhealthy partnership does damage - so address the relationship, get it healthy if at all possible. If not, then you've got some tough decisions to make. Whatever your kids witness and experience, that becomes their "normal" and they often look to recreate it in their own lives, too. It's not an easy place for anyone - agreed. It's not so simple as "walk away" - especially if you love your kids, or love your partner. Have the two of you done any work on resolving your differences?
@@JeremyRoadruck If I get to that point of splitting up when the current reconciliation / therapy phase either works or doesn't - I will damned sure tell my kids and all relatives EXACTLY what has been going on, and why it went to hell. No more of this hiding her little secret crap if doesn't get handled. Almost 7 years, and started waning about 15 years ago down to nothing, not even kissing. Getting real old, real quick. Can't get a straight answer, won't engage in any real conversation about it.
The stages of sex in a marriage:
Daily
Weekly
Monthly
When seasons change
Birthdays
Anniversaries
Leap year.
That's ONE model, sure. It's not the ONLY game in town, thankfully!
How about 18 sexless years of 28 year relationship. Thankfully it is over.
I'm really sorry that you had to live that reality for so long and I'm heartened to know you're now OUT of that bad situation.
Share with me your wisdom sir
Just leave
that's one possibility - but that's not always feasible for everyone.
Ten year old anchors me to her mother who no longer wants sex. I imagine she still wants it just not with me. Never get with an older vvoman. I thought by now she would have had it figured out by now but no. They never get it. You can work every day for ten years be miserable inside cuz no one cares about the man. Now just cuz she's not happy we're separating. Been so long with out sex I feel like I'm a forced born again virgin. Couldn't even get any affection on my birthday. Eff this I'm done. So tired of feeling like I'm lucky she's with me. Eff that I'm the real prize. It's time for me to start living. Tired of not doing things cuz she's too tired. Once she's out of the picture I know I will be happier. My daughter will be happier. We just need to get away from the mother/beast.
I know things are raw and painful right this moment and you're ABSOLTEULY allowed to feel what you feel... you put youself into this relationship, sacrifced, didn't speak up, didn't own your truth... and now you probably feel like you're getting kicked to the curb. Been there - not QUITE to the same degree and we didn't have children, but I feel for you, man. I know that wound and once it's healed, it's a beautiful thing. My past dysfunctional relatioships TOTALLY serve my now marriage, help me to truly appreciate the gift that is my wife Autumn - when she's stressed and feels like she's a horrible wife, I have SO MANY backstories to be like, "nah babe - you're a gift and a dream. Yes, you feel you're not living and loving to YOUR standards at the moment, but that makes you human - and the woman I love and appreciate. There was one time, with a girl I dated..."
What I would caution is to not demonize mom (aka "beast"') even if it's just silently in your head or heart, even if she's REALLY, REALLY toxic... as she's 1/2 of your daughter.
As you demonize mom, you implicitly also demonize part of your daughter and she's going to feel your judgment and take some ownership of it... as if, ALL feminine is a problem instead of just this one data point person. Happy to talk further - I have a few processes to integrate and release the negative energy/thoughts/feelings around bad experiences quickly and easily so you can move forward withOUT a hardened heart, and find love and relationships that truly excite you.
Had a client work with me, then his marriage imploded - wife started talking to an ex-bf from 20 years ago, wanted to explore that so they ended their marriage respectfully, his head held high. He told me without our work together, the old him would have been dead as the marrige failed. Last I talked to him, he's dating 3 different ladies - they all know he's seeing them separately, two of them want to see him at the same time (totally a new experience for him in his 40s), and he's just enjoying his time without getting serious for the time being. Never know what can show up in your life when YOU start showing up fully in your life. :)
So what of its the guy who has lost his drive?
Assuming he wants things different/better... then he needs to get to work physically, mentally, emotionally... get some hormone work done to see what's up with this Testosterone levels, check his stress levels, get rest, eat well... exercise, read, therapy/coaching, get in community with men moving the direction he wants to move... things like that. Helps?
What do you do when you still want and enjoy sex and your wife says I just lost all intrest in sex I'm lonely and long to be touched and loved its totally painful
Why stay? Have y'all done any counseling or therapy? Both been to the doctor and hormone levels checked?
You BOTH deserve what will delight your souls
Best advice is to never get married and get your self a sex doll or a prostitute. Married sex is the most expensive sex there is and on top of that the longer your married the less frequent. If you are lucky enough to find that diamond in the ruff lady. God bless but for the 99% of us. Marriage is a sex killer.
Sorry to hear your experience was bad - however, your advice is also bad. Instead of running from problems, it's best to face them directly. Success leaves clues - there's a REASON you are where you are, and you're disempowering yourself to state that shutting down is the only solution.
@@JeremyRoadruck cool story bro
@@LibertarianUSA1982 mileage varies, I get it. I'm in the business of helping others master their mindset and make a positive impact on the world.
He's trying to sell his service, the honest advice, is move on. But there's no money to be made off that, so instead watch the bullshit pile up a mile high.......
@@thecountdelafere5675 He's a con artist. I find it kind of pathetic, to be honest.
Why get involved in a sexless marriage? It would be better to be friends.Hanging out and good laughs together.
oddly enough, people don't normally START in a sexless marriage, it just kinda shows up over time. Expectations, obligation, life.... it gets in the way. Sex is often symptomatic of the overall health of the marriage and of the partners. Sex isn't the end-all-be-all of marriage, but if one partner is living in lack... that's not good.
Best advice is accepting she doesn't like you and to leave. Deal with those who are physically attracted to you.
unfortunately, life and love are rarely so easily decided.
@@JeremyRoadruck It's not, but we should be smart enough to watch another burn their hand on the stove to not have to do it ourselves. Best practices would be getting away from people who aren't seeing you in a good light and sexless relationships is not really a relationship, it's mostly a "control" implement that makes you a controlled slave. If she liked you enough she couldn't get enough of you.
@@JeremyRoadruck Hi, this is your channel... I'm sure you've seen hundreds or more of situations. "Sexless" is a huge red flag or where "sex" is used for "control" or "reward"... And you know better than me that sexless rarely turns around, along with the lack of sex is usually a lack of affection in other ways and a lack of respect. In full it's a life drainer that strips self esteem, feelings of worth, motivation and makes someone feel unatrractive. When women are put into a "sexless" position they say it makes them feel "small" and "ugly" and almost "worthless"... People have empathy when it's a woman suffering, it's a real selfish thing to do and the person being starved deserves better... They need to be an adult and ensure they get better, they have to take care of themselves like an adult and put themselves into better situations.
@@dennisrobinson8008 the thing with "should" is that 'should' is a RULE, not reality. Reality is: life is a death sentence, nothing else is guaranteed. For some couples, once a child is born, there can be an identity shift and unresolved things can show up from the past... and even, babies can nerf a woman's hormones. Best practices is be a whole, integrated and self-realized individual before ever starting a relationship or having sex... but that's not very realistic, n'est ce pas? Sometimes it's not about "like" or "love" for a partner - there's self-worth, physical comfort, levels of stress in the relationship or personal economy of the couple (aka cash-flow), working long hours, and more. It's not so simple as "she doesn't like you, so leave."
@@dennisrobinson8008 actually, sexless relationships CAN be turned around, it's part of the work I do, of course. There's usually a reason, some sort of BS (belief system) driving the behavior... or, in this case, LACK of behavior. I see it as a human problem, more than a "man" problem or "woman" problem - the more visibility that's brought to this conversation, the better. I don't play with fault, blame, guilt, or shame - and I'm also careful with projecting labels like "be an adult" as there's a LOT of variation in what that means. Different people have different models of "adulting"' - in relationships, situations tend to be co-creative... meaning, BOTH partners share some of the credit and BOTH have a responsibility - aka both have the ability to choose a response. Do they want to work out whatever is going on between them? Do they want to villainize the other? I've worked with men who turned their sexless relationship around - it took time, courage, a willingness to "own" how he was showing up (and where he was NOT showing up) - change is possible, growth is possible.
"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
The true happiness does not depend on whether or not you have sex. You may have it twice a day and it would only make things worse. Take care of people you love without expecting anything in return. That is what relationships are for. And if you can't do that then at least gather the courage to admit you don't really love them.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. That seems like a lot of projection... what you're starting might be true for you, and that's perfectly fine, but your experience doesn't necessarily translate to all people, all relationships, or all situations.
It's all about her feeling of CONTROL.
if she feels that's the only point of power that she can claim, yes. If she's struggling with her own self-worth, different story.
My wife acts likely junks made of plutonium. -but she is a good roommate.
I'm sorry you're not in a marriage full of sexy fun times... is there a particular reason she's avoidant?
Any other man after the horror i
've beenthrough would have been gone 28 years ago.my wife came on strong for the first 5 months.then she receded back to all the crap she brought in from the last 3 husband.through the years i've heard the craziest excuses not to save money ,not to have sex etc. And it's getting old.she blows off any kind of counseling and wants to wallow in her garbage.I was in movies,tv commercials and bodybuilding contests and cosidered very handsome.after being aporoached by many women over the years not once did i give in (seriously).i do all clothes,cooking ,dishes,clean the house and mow the yard,yet it still isn't good enough.28 years and it is begining to really stink. Any suggestions?!?!
Beginning to stink? Dude - you're a beast, yo!
Thing is, you've got to get clear on what you want, what you deserve, and who should match you on the journey you want to take in life and love. I call that the "Five to Thrive" - you can't "save" anyone but yourself - if she's unwilling to be a participant in her own "rescue" - you don't deserve to allow her to drown your heart, mind, soul and/or finances.
Ultimately, you can't give her enough from the outside for her to heal whatever she's got going on inside her. You're in a pattern of "nice guy" aka "people pleasing" - and, how's that working to get what you dream and desire in your marriage?
Keep doing what you've always done, you're gonna keep getting what you've always gotten, ya?
YOU have to decide what you deserve, and then act accordingly - and she can get on board, or get gone. Either way is a win - she steps in WITH you, that's awesome. And, she steps out - that's painful in the moment but then that means you're free to find someone who better aligns with you.
I have a client who was stuck in "junk food relationships" and when he finally decided to stop the junk food, just get my needs met - a real woman stepped into his life and now any time I ask about her, he's all smiles and never felt so loved, appreciated, or seen.
Change is possible, and it takes bravery to get there. Just did a live on it over on Facebook - I'll add to CZcams and add the link here for you to consider.
Here's the clip I mentioned - living by decision or default? czcams.com/video/qFCRphhfdyQ/video.html
Wow y'all don't think that your parents and grandparents had the same problem? This isn't new and here's your options
A. Live with your sexless marriage Or, B. End it and move on!
or C - step up and step in to shift it. Why just roll over and accept what doesn't light up your heart, soul, and body - if you have a choice about it? True for ladies AND gentlemen - I'm equal opportunity in that regard.
My parents and grand parents didn't have access to the variety of perspectives that we do today. Ideas and strategies can evolve over time.
0:10
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Not sure why anyone in their right mind would get married these days as a man. Everything you have worked for will eventually get ripped away from u. Stay single and happy!!!
Nah, just gotta learn to create the win/win in your relationship or marriage. It's all just patterns.. get caught up in expectations or obligations, THAT is the fundamental problem. Creating alignment with polarity makes for an amazing experience. Joy amplified, pain minimized.
If u hate sex get married. By far this is the worst my sex life has ever been.
I'm sorry that this has been YOUR experience, but that doesn't speak to EVERY marriage, ya? There's ways to make things better...
Let me paraphrase what this guy said - your relationship is sexless because she is tired of you and giving it to another man she likes more. You cannot do a thing to change her mind - except win the lottery.
That's a really said commentary on the human condition, or a sad commentary on your experience of humanity. For what it's worth, I've helped clients turn these types of situations around. You should check out today's video on the building blocks for a successful marriage. It's here: czcams.com/video/Ugjc5PXhywk/video.html
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Yeah and if you win the lottery the odds of her walking with cash and prizes skyrockets
Iâve learned a lot from reading these comments. Men think you donât love them if you are not having sex with them, and that you are having an affair. Neither thing is true, but it is important for us women to know that men think that.
Just walk away
sometimes, ayup. That's not always the first option for most men - kids, financial considerations like alimony and child support, and sometimes they still very much love their wives and just don't know why they are in a sexless situation.
. destroy all washing machines n dryers ???????????????????????????????????????????????
uuuuhhhhhhmmmmm m'kay... Not sure how that connects to anything. But thanks for sharing!
she never gives she to lazy to give thought to help our relationship, 2 therapist and her view they know nothing, i give up and getting back into me
Sometimes, that's what you have to do.... relationships require 2 people who want to figure things our WITH each other
Get your side salad.
all I hear is Chris Rock's routine on tossed salad...
Best advice is to just avoid marriage. If too late, and she denies sex, consult with your atty about the best exit strategy.
@BrianMolstad unfortunately, like it's more complex than that... humans are social creatures, so there's a drive to pair-bond. Marriage actually helps men live better quality lives and longer.
As for what, how, why a relationship goes sexless... there's a lot of factors. To simply cut and run at the first sign of trouble is revealing of a person's character
@@JeremyRoadruck 50% divorce rate plus probably most of the "good marriages" never make it past the "C minus" level. Exiting is horribly $$$. I will pass.
@BrianMolstad 10 divorced dads a day end their lives in the US - so exiting can mean loss of time/access with kids, being cut off from legacy, losing his sense of self-worth or identity.
Unmarried men - widowed, divorced, or never married - are 250% more likely to die from any and all causes as compared to same-age, married peers... especially in his 60s, 70s, and 80s.
Avoiding marriage due to the opinions of wounded, bitter people is about as intelligent as avoiding exercise because fat guys say it's uncomfortable and difficult. Marriage to the right person for you can amplify everything good in your life... and married to the wrong person can amplify all the pain and misery. If only there was some kind of roadmap to help figure out HOW to be your best self, and THEN go find a partner who delights your soul and things you are the greatest gift in their lives. They exist - but just walking into them is a rarity.
I get where you're coming from - rather than risk, easier to just shut off, cut off, ignore, play small, be less, do less, have less... it's safer. Saves you money, headache, heartache. But imagine if you could be with someone that lights you up, naturally. And you light her up, equally as naturally. And you're both thinking, feeling, believing, and know that YOU are getting the better side of the deal, and you have no real idea why they love you, but they seem to. Every doubt, fear, insecurity... they simply walk though, lovingly, easily, almost effortlessly and all you have to do is just accept them. And they feel the same way about you... being in a marriage like that - it's THE greatest feeling in the world. It took time, effort, energy, money to learn to be the way I am now, and the woman I pulled is THE exact partner for life and love, better than I ever could have imagined. We both had painful relationships in our past - and we both appreciate each other to the moon and back. That's why I coach and offer strategies to help others feel this way with each other.
So, thanks for the perspective, and thanks for commenting. I hope you find your ideal situation - solo, or with someone. Whatever you're looking for, you'll eventually find.
@@JeremyRoadruck One can enjoy what little modern marriage has to offer with one date/week and two separate dwellings. One can have kids later in life without a woman; this no risk of family court. One*s first goal is mastering a worthwhile profession/trade. Then financial independence and competence in finances, then other things like children. I am old enough to remember when the vast majority of marriages were actually worthwhile. You have to call it like it is, and adapt. That*s just how it is.
@BrianMolstad who's this "one" you're writing about? There's no need for a rhetorical device. Just you and me chatting by text, ya? So, by "one should" you mean you should, right? And, if you have a specific, preferred sequence to your life before marriage, all good. Different strokes for different folks.
As for modern marriage, whatever that is, if you're not married, you're projecting. If you are or were married but still bitter, then still wounded. One marriage isn't all marriages - aka correlation isn't causation.
It is difficult to "have" kids without a woman unless you mean foster or adopt.
I'll save you men time just tell you what you need to hear. Get a divorce or cheat. This is the only way women will learn.
Nope, just learn how to show up. Cheating is pathetic. And a divorce is sometimes the only solution.
Side chic
yeah, so.... ahhhh... that's not really a great strategy for solution. If you're going to get a "side chick" it's long-term better to just exit the initial relationship... unless your main relationship is cool with you having a side relationship too.
Or a side guy. If you're gay don't just marry a woman for the kids and then complain there's no sex. You basically married a person you're not attracted to.
@@ST-yc7uj agree. Terrible selfish
@Renae Lingstrom - agreed
Whatâs the #1 cause of divorce? Marriage
Yeah, that's a pretty useless comment. Thanks anyway. It's like saying life itself is a death sentence, so why even bother trying to live.. I get the dark humor bor sarcastic angle but not really even worth saying.
Many people have a desire and drive to bond with another human being, so let's figure out how to thrive instead of merely surviving.
But I feel men stayin such marriages , and opt infidelity instead which is even more cumbersome. I donât know what kind of life once can expect if no emotions are there in marriage. They find giving alimony and divorce a bad option , and infidelity a better one!
cheating isn't a great solution - it just throws in MORE drama, conflict, etc. ESPECIALLY if kids are involved. As kids grow up, what they experience is their "normal" - that's there baseline, unconscious expectations for a relationship. Cheating can normalize dysfunctional patterns for the next generation. Better to either resolve the lack of an active intimate life, or end the relationship cleanly without fault, blame, guilt, or shame.
@@JeremyRoadruck true that , I have seen a guy who claims that he is in sexless marriage, but I donât know I feel if he is lying on it , it canât be a possibility
of course it's possible for a man to be in a sexless marriage - the status of the relationship is independent of the gender of the people involved. There's gay sexless marriages, lesbian sexless marriages - all sorts of situations. The key is this: does whatever status of a relationship delight BOTH parties? If not, that needs to be addressed, asap! Life is too short for bad food, or bad marriages!
@@JeremyRoadruckI doubt that case because people have got a habit to use this as an excuse these days, how do you identify if the case is genuine
You mention this guy is married, and he says he's in a sexless marriage. What is he to you? Why does this matter to you? He and his wife should figure out what's going on between them. If he wants to have sex with you while still being married to her - that's for the 3 of you to figure out. Are you okay with helping him cheat on his wife? If yes, be careful because if he's okay cheating on her, he'll most likely be okay cheating on you too. If he wants to be with you, have him end his marriage cleanly, first. Or, best case - go find someone else to date who's available instead of whatever drama he's bringing into your life.
I was in a marriage, where I was the main provider in the household. We had the all wedding anniversaries, birthday celebrations, valentines days, vacations and even many date nights. But in all of those occasions she withheld intimacy from me. She just wanted me to provide the finances, while I got nothing in return. I always felt like a beggar. And each time, I was still left dissatisfied and disappointed with her! I wasted 14 years with her. She expected monogamy in the relationship and a traditional husband, but she herself did not moved that way for me. She lived as if she was single, which also caused a strained in the relationship. I questioned her many times over the years, whether she was having an affair? Because, if she wasnât getting it from me then she was getting it from someone else. I even found toys and porn movies that she hidden away for her pleasure. She was also thirst trapping by posting provocative pictures of herself and always seeking other menâs attention and approval on Facebook and instagram. Then she cut me off completely from all of her social media. It was bizarre to me! Ultimately, she filed for divorce immediately after I had retired from my career. She went after pension, differed compensation and even the home equity of the home I had purchased before marriage! Yes she was đŻ% calculating and she did what she did out of spite! I wifed her up as single mother with a 7yo son, by the time he was 17yo, she did not need me anymore! So by the time she made her huge announcement I was already checked out of the marriage! I didnât even want to bother myself anymore with her!
I'm sorry that was your experience - some females can completely be predatory in their approach, and it sounds like you got taken advantage of.
Next uncle "good advice". "If you do the laundry, it will be sex" As Rollo Tomasi wrote, women have rules for men they do not desire and they break them for those they do desire "The truth is that you can do NOTHING. Desire cannot be negotiated. If a woman does not want sex with you means that she never wanted to. It doesn't matter why. She did it (forced herself) to get you into a relationship, to have children and your commitment. Typically, problems begin after the birth of children, when she already has what she wants, and you can't escape her without great losses. Besides, she still has what she wants. Because the children and money will be provided to her by the court. There is only one conclusion: when you sign a contract called marriage for confusion, you put yourself in a losing position and she knows it , and most of the time that's what she wanted. Now she DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING, especially sex.
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dude - you're hurt, I get it. But your rejection and projection doesn't drive to resolution.
Behavior is driven by an entire WORLD of BS - belief systems - and sitting in judgment does nothing to resolve what's going on and actually nerfs your ability to influence or guide the shituation in a different direction.
You mention after kids - suggests a hormonal shift possibly due to post partum, so build rapport until she's willing to pick up what you're putting down. Rejection is part of communication, not always a final destination - but gotta get your own growth resolved, first.
Can't give what you don't have - if you're operating out of positional authority, entitlement, demands... you're done before you've even started. "Because I'm your husband" means nothing - same as "because I'm your wife" - that language pattern just points to position, not a genuine relationship of give and receive.
Doing the laundry to lead to sex, if driven from a "tit for tat" type of exchange or being a good boy to earn love is self-emasculation and manipulation, transactional action that makes it difficult for a woman to live and love in her feminine. You SLAY them dishes because you're producing a clean environment, total presence and ownership of the moment... different situation.
any suggestion,,,??? mama chi, side chic great. great o. ow dont tornado. tornado
not sure I'm tracking... whatcha asking? If a relationship isn't working for you, get support - therapy, coaching, couselling - to make changes, and if your personal growth doesn't improve things, end the relationship. There's no reason to cheat or step out on a relationship - just end it cleanly.