Gaslighting at Work: The Signs and Strategies to Stop It
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- čas přidán 17. 01. 2022
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Gaslighting is the act of undermining someone's sense of reality.
It can be intentional or unintentional, but either way, it can cause a lot of damage to your mental health. Watch this video and learn how to recognize the signs that you're being gaslighted at work, as well as strategies for stopping it!
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Gaslit
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 14 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 39 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous haters and are very miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker who follows women after work. All bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and don't try to defend myself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best to ignore them and let them find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.
Unfortunately in some situations when you do stand up for yourself the gaslighters and their cronies can work to get you fired
Sadly I believe this is the desired outcome. To me, any unnecessary effort to bother an employee in a workplace setting has some desire for that person to go away. Society encourages "us and them" behavior so when the "us"-people attack the "them"-person/people, observers sit back hoping they aren't next. We're a world of cowards now.
I started at a bank in 1991. My boss started in 1957. (The year I was born.) She was never married, no children. No family. Sadly; her entire life revolved in and around work. (NOT GOOD.) Anyway, she had a reputation. Not a good one. Imagine that! I had only been there for about 1 year when one day I "stood up to her." I even threw in a pointed finger toward her. (Not the middle one.) After the dust settled; I returned to my office. My phone rang. It was my boss. Asking me what I was doing for lunch? She wanted to take me to lunch! (She and I had never had lunch together.) I told her I had plans. I DIDNT. After that day our working relationship improved. As DYSFUNCTIONAL as this true story sounds; I got the impression she was the type that would push, now THAT I see it today; bully. Until ya stood up to her. 10 years after she retired; I cried when she announced her retirement. I know. I know. Things seem to be different today at the workplace. I'm retired. Continue to stand your ground.
@@jgilc2691thank you for this Monday I have a meeting with my managers boss about her behavior
That just happened to me...
You're right. In that case what's your other choice, to be frustrated, angry, let your health deteriorate over time until you break down anyway and quit\get fired?
It's a choice ofc, a desperate one. But contrary to as many will say, it's ALWAYS better to risk losing that job than to get messed up like that.
Happens everyday at my job. Sometimes they don't even believe you. It's enough to drive a person crazy
I begin to question myself.
Yeah, I completely agree with you... It just creates unnecessary drama and stress.
Don’t ever let these idiots have you questioning yourself
That's how it goes
Here is a type of gaslighting that doesn't get mentioned much, it seems, even though it has more in common with the term 'gaslighting' (ie. fooling around with the lights) than spreading gossip or lies do: moving things, hiding things, playing tricks, rearranging things, putting things back that went missing, etc. I have witnessed this in at least two workplaces and it is not only childish and petty but is also creepy and costly in a business.
I suspect my boss has been changing my email password so she can say “well, this isn’t the first time this has happened with you and your email”. I’ve never been unable to access my email, at work or at home, due to my password suddenly being “incorrect”. Been there two months and it’s happened at least three times! Sounds wacky but in the context of all the gaslighting and other narcy shenanigans happening. I’m now wondering lol
@@catherineromero1862 Of course this is a typical female, "henny" strategy. Sick
I caught a coworker moving stuff around on purpose, I'm highly organized... so I said to him.... when J and R ask me why it takes me long, I will mention that you move things around on me for some reason but you always put em back.
He stopped.
@@catherineromero1862 Change your password and get a completely different email and get a quality VPN as well... Make your password very difficult too figure out as well and change it every so often! Just make sure too write down all your information in a notebook 📒 and keep it in a safe secure place!!!
Take a before picture to show it was there
Im a victim. I started a job at same time as another person. She became good friends with staff in their 20s and I didnt because of age gap. Even though I didnt get involved in gossip or any personal scenerios so since I just did my job, I started getting picked on, watched, and snitched on to the boss. I complained to boss and she switched it to my faults. I recorded the convo and realize boss is not going to help. Instead she thought I should quit.
I am now working with alot of Millinials. I can completely relate. The age discrimination is over the top. It doesn't matter what they do Or don't do. us older workers are expected to carry the weight. They killed me when my boss told me she wanted me to do more because the other girl wasn't pulling her weight. Instead of addressing the fact that she wasn't working.
Same my manager thinks I’m going to quit I’m an introvert I keep to myself and somehow this translates to I’m negative and not a team player
I experienced corporate gaslighting. When I brought up a law that the company was breaking my boss ,bosses, President of HR, VP of HR on a conference call they all read the same lie from the same script on a conference call. I sued them and the judge approved a class action lawsuit against the company for FLSA violations and unpaid wages. Boom! Keep notes and proof of you stay at your abusive job.
What kinds of records did you keep that proved useful in court?
If management or supervisors are doing the gaslighting, you stand near zero chance of fighting back and winning! Start looking for another job and milk the company as much as possible before you leave! Good luck!
Or if coworkers have good relationships with management and the supervisor. Employees who are gaslit, don't stand a chance
We have a manager that constantly gaslights. She makes the mistakes and blames us cause she will come up to us an says something like "because yall are getting alot of errors on the work yall need to start triple going through your work receipts." Clearly this is not our job. She was the one that was making the mistakes that caused errors "
Isn't that Scapegoating?
Found your channel, felt like this could be a safe space to share my experience.
Been researching loads about this lately because my direct supervisor has been doing this to me for the past 10 months ever since I started on a job. It's quite an interesting ride, and you're so right about the blood pressure going up and the emotional waves. Ever since the new year, that was when I came out of the tunnel and really started seeking alliances within the company, job searching and reminding myself that my ability was worthwhile and I did get put into positions by her and the company to complete projects along with no help while she proactively ignores my over-capacity issues, gives me slight compliments once in a while, then manages to diminish my self-worth and reputation around the company by painting a picture where I'm too green for anything and bad at my job. Then proceeded to talk to people around me about how she was able to help me all the way out on this journey.
There have been many conversations of gaslighting in the past year, and I guess recently when she started judging my mental health - She asked if I couldn't complete my work because of my own mental constraints instead of the lack of time/over-resourced claims I've made in the past few months - that was kind of like my last stroke to the bs she's been saying to me. Last year when that initially happened, I'd actually break down from work and cry and have to take a couple days of sick leaves.
This year, I feel like I've grown to be stronger in terms of setting my own boundaries in the head - so whenever a conversation like this happens, I document them down on paper, while putting a mental block to myself while she talks, just to reassure I'm not crazy and she's not being respectful. The blood pressure still goes up for a few hours to be honest, but I manage to cool down throughout the day for important interviews/things because the bottom line is that I can’t let her take control of my emotions completely. While I have a team of very supportive coworkers I work with, I still need to make contact with her because she is my manager, so the goal really is to get immunity, and concentrate on myself and opportunities so I can plan ahead and leave the toxic workplace!
That said, I empathize with her but I don’t respect her because she never really supported me through my work, growth or anything. I agree with some of the things you’ve called out in your video series where when a toxic manager is insecure or they feel threatened or have no answers, they tend to make up excuses and blame it all out on their subordinates. Even though I empathize with her and can understand the way she acts, I still strongly disagree with her actions and do not respect her as a leader.
Thanks for creating a safe space here and sharing your content!
You are empathizing with the hostage taker. STOP IT.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I really needed it today!
Very helpful. Thank you😊
Dear Benjamin Sir,very helpful video.Keep posting 👏👍
On point ✅ it is not good feeling 😪🤧 i took 2 weeks to figure it out if I'm crazy 😜 I'm absent for 2 weeks really hurt at that time omg i think i will never forget every single word they said but i forgot I'm crazy . Thank you God ❤ love your video Thank you ❤
what happens when the supervisor's boss goes along with the gaslighting
I have experienced this at work.
My Boss kept a meeting with one of my direct reports (without my knowledge) and as a result I was experiencing this passive aggressive behavior from the Staff. I called out my Boss on it..... Its professionally disrespectful. To me that's saying you don't trust me as a manager or you don't trust my leadership or my observations (poor performance).
She felt I was disrespectful to call it out. All the other managers agree with me but silently.... they won't do it publicly. I spoke to HR, and they think I'm overreacting my Boss did not have any ill intentions.
I asked to be transferred out. I'm not going to negotiate my respect. I only have to be disrespected once, and I'm out.
I have been through this myself. It’s a lost cause. You have to leave. This video doesn’t go into what happens when you stand up for yourself which is when the shit hits the fan. Gaslighters tend to be narcissists and they don’t like the ones who don’t comply with their tactics. Love yourself. No job is worth this abuse.
Then you probably work for a company that does corporate gaslighting. Good chance they’re up to no good in other arenas. Keep notes, report to compliance and get everything you can in writing. If you stay which sometimes is not a good idea. Depends on the situation I think.
Time to quit and find another job
My manager sent me specific info to send to a dept. that had requested it from me. I obeyed. Then I was written up for sending said info. Mgr said, “the info is outdated. You should have double checked the resource.” Except he’d sent me that outdated resource and asked me to send it. He wrote me up a 2nd time for not simultaneously putting in a request to have said outdated resource updated. Problem is, they have too many resources & they change processes & systems so often, nothing is ever up to date. My BP went to what my dr called “hypertension emergency” when previously I’d never had any problems with BP. It’s horrible.
Another form of gaslighting at work can be phone calls, texts and e-mails during your off hours from bosses and coworkers that they most likely can figure out the issue at hand themselves instead of contacting you about it as it's probably not a life/death emergency.
That's bad but that is not gaslighting.
My previous manager was like that. 😂😂😂I was so happy when she moved to other department. Recently she asked hr to contact me to interview a position in her new department. I was like no thank you, not interested
Sir, I am a independent messenger and I come to realize that my boss had accused me delivering the wrong items to the client address, they allegedly complain to my boss but when I got their the items were correct. Being a messenger, one cannot rush at their job too quickly to make people happy. I feel my boss is micro managing me with psychological torture conditions test. Good channel Benjamin
Where were you 3 years ago. I am now in a situation where it is out control and I am perceived as the lunatic, I really need help. I never realised this kind of help was on YT
When my boss would say "it's an excuse", my response was no, it's a "reason"! That shut a situation down!
One time at one of my previous jobs when I was performing a task and my supervisor wasn't satisfied I told her that I tried to do it to a good degree and she said I did it to *no* degree as she was really talking down to me and making me internalize it.
That's horrible but that is not gaslighting.
My boss told me after the first two months that I asked my collegue in another country for help every five minutes, which was not true and got me mad and a week later repeated that infront of another colleague and put that in my KPIs. What should I do? Should I quit?
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 14 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 39 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous haters and are very miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker who follows women after work. All bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and don't try to defend myself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best to ignore them and let them find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.
My last employer did this to the extreme.
Yes it has entered the work place in many past jobs as well as my current job I police are not doing it then who is its a long story don't ask, maybe it's time for a sit down with that unifom and have a coffee with a breakfast for a nice long chat or maybe not?
Good to know. Never heard of gaslighting
Thanks for watching, Ali!
Demonic
I used to clean rooms at the hospital where I work....this women would my room from me she does to alot of coworkers so I said to her you want the take it there's plenty of rooms I can do
I thought it was gaslighting and passive aggressiveness. I think it's actually an employee with a drug/alcohol problem...or all of those things. At the point now the reason doesn't matter.
And then there is family gaslighting.
This video could be better if it is not long winded in comparison with other videos on gaslighting
Dont mess with us gas lighters we light gas
Why you're video's title is in English if you aren't almost close caption in Spanish?
Vemco
My boss love gaslighting me, i want to play tis game n c who will win the race
Generally not a good idea, unless you have some kind of edge, like e.g. evidence of criminal behavior. Best to just leave and preserve your energy.
Coming back to this video, my main question--in fact my ONLY question--is WHY? Why bother wasting precious energy on a daily basis? I read the comments below and what I tune into over and over is a great disconnect by the people who claim to have been gaslighted. The comments reveal no insight, no sense of cause and effect, no sense of having any real connection to the personality of the manager they see as the villain. Particularly if the "gaslighting" happens in job after job. Believe it or not, most managers and supervisors are usually far too busy to plot and scheme about how to drive their direct reports crazy. The only time I can see this happening is when the direct report is foisted on an unwilling manager who has been given no choice in the hiring process. (And if that's the case, the organization is indeed dysfunctional to begin with so anything can and does happen.) But beyond that, it's usually a fatal, stupid game and is obvious to more than one person. So I ask why? People who play those games are generally also NOT playing with a complete deck and have a hard time remaining invisible for long--invisibility is the LAST thing they want. What is the difference between being gaslighted and simply being an incompetent employee? Usually the employee's faulty perception.
This guy is gaslighting us into watching his whole video while not showcasing actual helpful tips and actionable knowledge 😂🤦🏽♂️this world is a truly sick place
My manager sent me specific info to send to a dept. that had requested it from me. I obeyed. Then I was written up for sending said info. Mgr said, “the info is outdated. You should have double checked the resource.” Except he’d sent me that outdated resource and asked me to send it. He wrote me up a 2nd time for not simultaneously putting in a request to have said outdated resource updated. Problem is, they have too many resources & they change processes & systems so often, nothing is ever up to date. My BP went to what my dr called “hypertension emergency” when previously I’d never had any problems with BP. It’s horrible.