The Only Three Things a Woman Can Expect from a Man - Trevor Noah Presents: Josh Johnson #(Hashtag)

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  • čas přidán 2. 06. 2021
  • Josh Johnson breaks down the three attributes a woman can expect to find in a man.
    Watch Trevor Noah Presents: Josh Johnson #(Hashtag) June 18 on Comedy Central.
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    Website: www.joshjohnsoncomedy.com/
    Watch full Comedy Central stand-up specials: www.cc.com/topic/stand-up
    #StandUp #JoshJohnson .
    Comedy Central Stand-Up: Anti-Bias Statement: www.cc.com/info/k32ti7/ccsu-a...
  • Komedie

Komentáře • 985

  • @mis7289
    @mis7289 Před 3 lety +6293

    I am obsessed with how Josh Johnson looks different every time. Some days we get hobo, other days we get gentleman, today he is the 6th member of the Jackson 5

  • @ryynerwicked2762
    @ryynerwicked2762 Před 3 lety +4932

    This ain't even a joke its just highly accurate

  • @AMactor
    @AMactor Před 3 lety +4543

    Give
    Josh
    Johnson
    A
    Netflix
    Stand up
    Special

  • @Djwunmoshen
    @Djwunmoshen Před 3 lety +4953

    Josh looks like a forgotten Jackson........ like he was the one who choreographed all the dance moves but sat in the back ground.

  • @Vintage_geek
    @Vintage_geek Před 3 lety +4001

    His delivery keeps improving... he'll be doing perfect deadpan soon. Really one of the best young comedians we are seeing evolve right now.

    • @jessm9520
      @jessm9520 Před 3 lety +1

      💯

    • @anastasiavasilyeva5116
      @anastasiavasilyeva5116 Před 3 lety +2

      who are some of the other ones?

    • @Vintage_geek
      @Vintage_geek Před 3 lety +31

      @@anastasiavasilyeva5116 The one on top at this moment, for me, is Bo Burnham, but he's not really a stand up comedian. Sam Morrill and Mark Normand come to mind.

    • @ungoyone
      @ungoyone Před 3 lety +1

      This is deadpan?

    • @Vintage_geek
      @Vintage_geek Před 3 lety +6

      @@ungoyone He's getting there, i think.

  • @javierluna5235
    @javierluna5235 Před 3 lety +2791

    This dude gets funnier every time

  • @LeesaDeAndrea
    @LeesaDeAndrea Před 3 lety +1768

    Worse than ending up with a one, is ending up with a zero.

    • @elliecee8114
      @elliecee8114 Před 3 lety +38

      This is completely untrue.

    • @juicychips
      @juicychips Před 3 lety +141

      you could get a negative

    • @bebopman5
      @bebopman5 Před 3 lety +72

      Seemingly, ending up with all 3 is a death sentence, so it's really diminishing returns.

    • @beatrizdelaportilla988
      @beatrizdelaportilla988 Před 3 lety +110

      Sometimes you can even get with a two, and after a couple of years, they've diminished to a zero

    • @coachtouden
      @coachtouden Před 3 lety +82

      Yes but this is why so many folk end up miserable in a relationship because they would rather have someone than no one. That's a recipe for disaster.

  • @TheGuniverse2k
    @TheGuniverse2k Před 3 lety +865

    This was actually a college lecture.

  • @DanGolag
    @DanGolag Před 2 lety +467

    The way he delivers "I hate that for you", my god.

  • @co0ki3M0NstAr
    @co0ki3M0NstAr Před 3 lety +860

    When he said make a mold and leave I screamed laughing 🤣🤣 "no one ever says my dildo forgot my birthday" 🤣🤣🤣 FACTs

    • @navi3430
      @navi3430 Před 2 lety +19

      I WHEEZED WHEN HE SAID THAT 😂😂😂

    • @cockeyedoptimista
      @cockeyedoptimista Před 9 měsíci +2

      Yeah, that part really broke me up, the dildo and the birthday.

  • @auspicioustoot
    @auspicioustoot Před 3 lety +930

    He’s dressed like he’s ready for African Mortal Kombat.

  • @NicoleKada
    @NicoleKada Před 3 lety +1203

    It’s only a little scary how accurate this is. Also, I can’t decide on my 2 lmao

  • @vawkie
    @vawkie Před 3 lety +409

    "you have a great job?" had me BURSTING with laughter good lord

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops Před 2 lety +19

      Best part about this that it still leaves uncertainty about which of the three he lacks.

  • @shannonwilliams2777
    @shannonwilliams2777 Před 2 lety +117

    I screamed at the part when he said "Nobody puts their vibrator back in the drawer and says, "He forgot my birthday" "

  • @jbmp1390
    @jbmp1390 Před 3 lety +415

    My boy Josh not even telling jokes in this one. He's just speaking FACTS.

    • @MissJoy16
      @MissJoy16 Před rokem +2

      This is a secular sermon if I've ever heard one

  • @sarahfoley2746
    @sarahfoley2746 Před 3 lety +646

    This dude is hilarious 🤣 I will forever use the 1, 2 or 3 system now 👏👏👏

    • @humanity9158
      @humanity9158 Před 2 lety +9

      Hahahhaah....me too...I really have learnt this...Ooh My God!!!

    • @Sarachouska
      @Sarachouska Před 2 lety +1

      I guess you can also pick one and lower your standard in the 2 others

    • @emilyraley9410
      @emilyraley9410 Před rokem

      Never choose just 1 , 3 is near impossible, you have to choose 2

  • @alex_dragon
    @alex_dragon Před 2 lety +88

    He has grown so much in his confidence. He never really struggled with it, but you can really see him coming into his own here and truly savoring those moments.

  • @missclayman5180
    @missclayman5180 Před 2 lety +54

    My friend, who is happily engaged, is listening in and when he said the three things she went “…true.” LOL

  • @samuelyoung1236
    @samuelyoung1236 Před 3 lety +783

    I would pay money for a stand up special I hope he writes more great jokes. He’s going places!

    • @aisherwasher6959
      @aisherwasher6959 Před 3 lety +9

      He performed a great set in my college town. Hilarious and worth every penny!

    • @christihester7234
      @christihester7234 Před 3 lety +11

      He just posted a list of upcoming live shows on his Instagram! Very affordable tickets.

    • @19581958bostonguy
      @19581958bostonguy Před 2 lety +5

      He is currently a writer on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

  • @TheMILFproject
    @TheMILFproject Před 2 lety +45

    When I met my husband he had #1 and #2. After a while he finally got #3 ---- and #1 disappeared!!! WTF, what sorcery is this, Josh is absolutely right about this.

    • @normette
      @normette Před rokem +5

      Same thing happened to me with mine! I’m over here 13 years married like, what the…hell?!🤣🤣

    • @BB-ce5ev
      @BB-ce5ev Před 9 měsíci +2

      Because they are exhausted from providing #3 for you.

  • @flamingsword7341
    @flamingsword7341 Před 3 lety +80

    Bruh when he said he didn’t know which two he was I was relieved cuz the whole time I was watching I was tryna figure out which two I was

  • @karikasumi888
    @karikasumi888 Před 2 lety +5

    'I hate it for you. I really do. Sincerely.' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @nikkievans5285
    @nikkievans5285 Před 3 lety +200

    my god! where was he 6 years ago...he summed up my ex so well. would have saved me a lot of time. Friend box checked!

    • @alexandercanella4479
      @alexandercanella4479 Před 3 lety +10

      6 years ago? I believe he was working on a farm and having mental breakdowns.

  • @alianofann
    @alianofann Před 3 lety +353

    Thank you. Finally, after many years of frustration having to talk to all of my girl-friends about this, now I know exactly how to explain to them.

    • @youtubename7819
      @youtubename7819 Před 3 lety +27

      I’m one of the upset ones. Noooooo...it’s not fair women have to be all three....noooooo.

    • @kaddiloc1
      @kaddiloc1 Před 2 lety +9

      @@youtubename7819 except women aren't all 3 either lol

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops Před 2 lety +27

      @@youtubename7819 I think you underestimate how demanding women are. A lot of women want some idealized guy that is goldilocks just right for her. Basically it goes both ways. People just idealize romantic relationship and put unrealistic expectations on their partner (and themselves) until they learn from experience that nobody's perfect and if someone has to completely adapt to their partners desires it would obliterate the personality they had that attracted them in the first place.
      One of my exes literally wanted me to be polar opposite things at the same time. She wanted a sensitive tough guy, who was independent but listened to her, had ambitions but also wanted to spend lots of time together. I'm like are you sure you want a monogamous relationship, cause it sounds like you want 3 different guys intermitently and I'm stuck every time trying to guess which I'm supposed to be at any given moment. A big part of learning how to have a healthy relationship is learning the boundaries of adaptation. It's great to try and make eachother happy, and there will always have to be some compromises. But if you don't draw the line somewhere, then one day you're gonna wake up staring in the mirror like you just came off a rollercoaster, thinking "What was I like again, before all this started?"
      So in the end you gotta love yourself enough to say "Of course I'll sincerely try my best, but if that's not good enough for you then that's just as far as we can go."

    • @youtubename7819
      @youtubename7819 Před 2 lety +5

      @@NLTops ahhahahahahah the ten pounds of salt you have provided me will last me months, thank you so much!

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops Před 2 lety +3

      ​@@youtubename7819 Lol nah just making a point. What's with this overreaction? :P

  • @RamonLopez-tp7hi
    @RamonLopez-tp7hi Před 3 lety +197

    Every time I see this dude his outfit gets more and more eccentric

  • @bluebutterfly5684
    @bluebutterfly5684 Před 3 lety +112

    The accuracy. Having this perfectly summed up advice would have saved me a lot of time.

  • @PlanetMint
    @PlanetMint Před 3 lety +83

    The Set? Killed! The Outfit? Dripped!

  • @gabsnarwhal4687
    @gabsnarwhal4687 Před 3 lety +210

    his pacing is always SO good. love his stand up. fantastic

  • @miapdx503
    @miapdx503 Před 3 lety +95

    I just need to take a minute and say...his natural and his outfit are straight fire.😏
    At 4:35...that smile was everything...🌺

  • @Kbigwayne
    @Kbigwayne Před 3 lety +397

    He’s Honestly the goat 🐐…can’t wait for his special, movies, etc

    • @alexandercanella4479
      @alexandercanella4479 Před 3 lety +8

      GOAT is losing his meaning.

    • @alexandercanella4479
      @alexandercanella4479 Před 3 lety +2

      its*

    • @clumsiii
      @clumsiii Před 3 lety +1

      His delivery has always been there and now? Now he's sitting on a stool w one leg (*foot goddammit i meant foot ** just looks like he has more attitude now.. like that's some Ali Siddiq stance idk) on the floor? He's gonna be lifer and we will remember these early years

    • @malcolmexxx2109
      @malcolmexxx2109 Před 2 lety +2

      yea definitely not the “goat” but an incredibly poised comic.

    • @nickpagano7134
      @nickpagano7134 Před 2 lety +1

      Lol @ the goat

  • @Iamrightyouarewrong
    @Iamrightyouarewrong Před 3 lety +142

    He's F-ing Hilarious.

  • @Jesse__H
    @Jesse__H Před 3 lety +82

    This is oldschool Josh Johnson. That hair is 🔥

  • @laerica3362
    @laerica3362 Před rokem +4

    I think about this joke once everyday. Genius!

  • @nemesisbreakz
    @nemesisbreakz Před 3 lety +118

    Ted Bundy reference got me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @Chuckknotts2000
    @Chuckknotts2000 Před 3 lety +128

    Man, teenage Michael Jackson's pretty funny.

    • @kguerr197
      @kguerr197 Před 2 lety +5

      Except he's 29 yrs. old. Proceed to be shocked.

  • @gamagoori
    @gamagoori Před 3 lety +22

    the "noooo" pout was so fucking funny and kind of cute

  • @ninajavier2534
    @ninajavier2534 Před 2 lety +6

    A good person with good equipment sounds like a himbo and I'd be okay with that

  • @sechabatheletsane9784
    @sechabatheletsane9784 Před 3 lety +44

    I'm not kidding when I say he's one of only 2 comedians that got me hollering at my phone😂😂😂

  • @Barbarossa-heir
    @Barbarossa-heir Před rokem +5

    He is natural and deep , i re-watched this sequence like more than six times and still discover new subtle details

  • @Mikeyc2k6
    @Mikeyc2k6 Před 3 lety +51

    This guy smashes it EVERY TIME! Looking forward to his future moves, man. I wish him luck

  • @landenwest8114
    @landenwest8114 Před 3 lety +94

    I love Josh johnson wish he had more comedy posted need more childhood craigslist stories

    • @bennief2038
      @bennief2038 Před 2 lety

      Check out his podcast. It's a great JJ fix

  • @goregoyles
    @goregoyles Před 3 lety +74

    he has friends

  • @preciousbrown7962
    @preciousbrown7962 Před 3 lety +35

    Brilliant! I’ve never heard him do a bad set tbh. This man has me in tears 😭

  • @SCSilk
    @SCSilk Před 3 lety +79

    I love this man. I set an alarm for this special.

  • @Sofia-xy4me
    @Sofia-xy4me Před 2 lety +9

    He's unlike any comedian I've ever seen, he's an actor, the way he narrates the story, the pauses, his delivery is incredible, I'm speechless

  • @THMILLER
    @THMILLER Před 3 lety +23

    🤣 yep! Let the 1's go ladies.

  • @xaviermccreary4670
    @xaviermccreary4670 Před 3 lety +61

    He needs to do more stand up💯💯💯💯💯💯

  • @tessfromtheu.s256
    @tessfromtheu.s256 Před 3 lety +45

    Best advice I ever heard in my life I can't breath 🤣🤣🤣 and send to all my friends. Good D, good person. I got the rest! Yes preach!!!!

  • @AK-jt7kh
    @AK-jt7kh Před 2 lety +14

    I wish I heard this in my early 20s. This is some spot on life advice.

  • @sharebeartay
    @sharebeartay Před 2 lety +5

    This made me reevaluate my past relationships...most of these guys didn't even have one!

  • @evylange2888
    @evylange2888 Před 2 lety +1

    2:55 had me ON THE FLOOR I got noise complaints from my neighbors

  • @senayrogers
    @senayrogers Před 8 měsíci +2

    This man just opened my eyes.
    Glad he popped up in my suggestions. What a gem!

  • @danyellerobinson5940
    @danyellerobinson5940 Před 3 lety +46

    This kid is always hilarious and right on point.

  • @xpogosam9690
    @xpogosam9690 Před 3 lety +30

    This is one of the best bits I’ve seen all year

  • @lonitoyosi8006
    @lonitoyosi8006 Před 3 lety +58

    He adopted a Chappelle storytelling stance in this

  • @glendawells6778
    @glendawells6778 Před 3 lety +28

    I fell in love with him when he said I don't know which two I am

  • @losso6418
    @losso6418 Před 3 lety +40

    Now that’s how you tell a good joke 😂

  • @cupcakesimulation
    @cupcakesimulation Před 2 lety +9

    As an Ace, all I need are the last two and I'm good.

  • @d.t.6072
    @d.t.6072 Před rokem +2

    I thought he was going for original Michael Jackson when I saw the thumbnail picture.
    Wish we had specials with him that were longer, because he definitely has a lot of talent.
    Even Trevor Noah saw it in him. 😁

  • @joshdarren8554
    @joshdarren8554 Před 3 lety +33

    "and if he has one, leave" *me with nothing*

  • @2Thessalonians1_7
    @2Thessalonians1_7 Před 3 lety +18

    That Ted Bundy stuff is gold

  • @elizabethsampson2794
    @elizabethsampson2794 Před 3 lety +10

    The structure of the jokes and the delivery is just so so good.

  • @TimpossibleOne
    @TimpossibleOne Před rokem +2

    Josh has all of these "friends", that means he's a good person.

  • @ladykatnip7698
    @ladykatnip7698 Před rokem +2

    This is one of my favorite comedy specials.

  • @archibaldthejester42069
    @archibaldthejester42069 Před 3 lety +16

    YES! MORE JOSH JOHNSON

  • @laurenl3474
    @laurenl3474 Před 3 lety +27

    I love him!

  • @Pinesol605
    @Pinesol605 Před 2 lety +2

    His delivery is Everything!

  • @RisingSun0401
    @RisingSun0401 Před 2 lety +3

    The whole time I was thinking "idk which 2 I am" & then he said that lmao

  • @rinrocha9342
    @rinrocha9342 Před 2 lety +11

    As an asexual I think the choice between the two things in a guy should be easy 😂😂

  • @zydhas2838
    @zydhas2838 Před 2 lety +6

    As a psychopath, I gotta say the part about all 3 is pretty damn spot on.

  • @lakehurley3066
    @lakehurley3066 Před rokem +2

    Good comedy is truth in disguise, and Josh Johnson has a different disguise everytime.

  • @TragoudistrosMPH
    @TragoudistrosMPH Před 6 měsíci

    "NoooOOooo" is exactly how my friends sound when you analyze their loves 😅

  • @sewilotrio
    @sewilotrio Před 3 lety +27

    Who wouldn't appreciate an hour an a half stand up special? i am waiting patiently, but just so you know, put it out on your website on your youtube or whereever you want, i am going to watch the hell out of it

  • @thestormlscoming
    @thestormlscoming Před 2 lety +7

    He really just gets better and better. This is so true

  • @carlofine3037
    @carlofine3037 Před 3 lety +11

    I think Josh is easily the best of the newer generation. His story telling is amazing, his punchlines always hit, his delivery is flawless, I feel like I know him and he is incredibly likable/relatable. Someone like marc normand is likable and has good punchlines but his stories aren’t as personal and I feel disconnected from. Sculz doesn’t have as good punchlines, sam moril isn’t as likable or relatable and so on. Josh doesn’t abuse the one liner and has the perfect balance in how long his jokes go. Super talented guy that I think is hugely underrated.

  • @galaxylucia1898
    @galaxylucia1898 Před 3 lety +7

    I could listen to him talk all day! 😂😂😂He really is becoming better with each year. Wish him all the best in life and I will support him at a live show if he’s ever local.

  • @growingindividuals9604
    @growingindividuals9604 Před 3 lety +10

    I have been waiting an entire year for another one of his specials

  • @Peppermon22
    @Peppermon22 Před 3 lety +5

    Been thinking about this all week. It’s actually so true.

  • @neosoulove
    @neosoulove Před 22 dny +1

    This needs way more views

  • @xse-qb2vv
    @xse-qb2vv Před rokem +2

    Love this dude, funnier than hell.

  • @brianacherry776
    @brianacherry776 Před 2 lety +4

    This guy is pure gold man 😂

  • @Highpriestess_888
    @Highpriestess_888 Před 3 lety +12

    Bruh I been waiting for another video of this guy to drop. Love him💘💘💘

  • @matthewwilson3305
    @matthewwilson3305 Před 2 lety +2

    Epic. Insightful and brilliant

  • @JustMeJH
    @JustMeJH Před 3 lety +7

    He is so freakin funny! Witty and well paced jokes.

  • @BMDNERD
    @BMDNERD Před 3 lety +10

    This gave me Paul Mooney vibes.

  • @ericgaudette4309
    @ericgaudette4309 Před 3 lety +22

    This is the weirdest Power Ranger I've ever seen but he's funny!

  • @champ1159
    @champ1159 Před 3 lety +8

    I love this guy!

  • @fulltruth
    @fulltruth Před 3 lety +16

    You're the best, Josh! Keep it weird!

  • @gabycaramanli
    @gabycaramanli Před 3 lety +4

    This guy is going places, he's got it all. Looking forward the Netflix Special. x

  • @MHO999999
    @MHO999999 Před 3 lety +96

    This sounds like a mixture of Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle, probably influenced by both.

    • @ungoyone
      @ungoyone Před 3 lety +11

      If you're a comedian that hasn't been influenced by both of those guys... I don't know if I wanna hear what you got to say haha.

    • @MHO999999
      @MHO999999 Před 3 lety +2

      @@ungoyone Of course artists influence one another. I just wish I couldn't see the influence in his voice, delivery and attitude. Every artist needs to find their own voice, eventually.

    • @beonka84
      @beonka84 Před 2 lety +5

      I was getting Donald Glover vibes, but I see what you mean 😂

    • @father2izyzay
      @father2izyzay Před 2 lety +1

      I want him to do a skit called young Paul Mooney

  • @siberiaswan4060
    @siberiaswan4060 Před 2 lety +14

    This rule is about to save me a ton of headache and heart break because it's all making WAY too much sense rn...

  • @nicola-5551
    @nicola-5551 Před 3 lety +3

    I didn't know I needed this...So funny🤣🤣 Thank you YT algorithm.

  • @bagjuicemami
    @bagjuicemami Před 3 lety +6

    He’s funnier each time I see him, love it ❤️

  • @robbiegailh.2076
    @robbiegailh.2076 Před 3 lety

    Bravo. Insightful and hilarious!!!!!

  • @lexic.7942
    @lexic.7942 Před 2 lety +2

    I effing love Josh ❤️ 😍 💖

  • @vegginny548
    @vegginny548 Před 3 lety +8

    this is so accurate tho 🤣

  • @1feloniouspunk
    @1feloniouspunk Před 3 lety +4

    Dude!!! THIS ROCKED!!!!!

  • @kingofgrim4761
    @kingofgrim4761 Před 2 lety +2

    One of the most accurate comedy routines ever LMAO

  • @Oomzilla
    @Oomzilla Před 3 lety

    Love his timing. Fantastic Josh

  • @billwayne6775
    @billwayne6775 Před 3 lety +4

    HE DOESN’T MISS