how to become a CONFIDENT B*TCH.
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- čas přidán 2. 06. 2024
- CONFIDENCE: It's all a lie. ❤️ This video is kindly sponsored by LILYSILK.
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𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒
carolinewinkler@thesociablesociety.com
*I'm sorry, I'm not able to take on new design projects at the moment!
𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒
00:00 - Intro
02:15 - Sort of evil
4:55 - Thanks to Lilysilk!
8:58 - The Matrix
11:55 - You WILL be misunderstood
14:28 - Death to politeness
18:13 - how to leverage FEAR
20:00 - this is HOLDING you BACK
22:13 - the importance off LOSS
25:00 - how to show up with your PERSONALITY
26:41 - always remember this
27:38 - coming up next week!
#washingtondc #lilysilk #LiveSpectacularly #selfcare
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Please note that I am not a professional, in fact I am the literal opposite. I am just a plebeian out here loose on the streets. Things that I am NOT: a builder, trainer, craftsman, therapist, nutritionist, physical therapist, medical professional or anything else. All projects seen on my channel must be completed at your own risk and responsibility. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
I’m an 83 year old lady. It took me years to realize no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You go girl
Such a great way to think about it!
Great quote from Eleanor Roosevelt'!
There is a certain type of “girl” in our generation that connects so deeply with your age group @patriciareeps3389 - I think that’s why we see so many of you commenting on Caroline’s videos. I just lost my Nana who I was so close with. Funny, but I feel her presence when I see you ladies show up here 🥲♥️
My favorite quote I’ve ever heard in a movie! ❤ I know it’s not from princess diaries but that’s the first time I ever heard it!
I love this!
“Young Caroline, what a delicate little idiot” I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
She was kooky but we try to accept her
😂❤
Do it afraid that the 2023 motto
Very quickly becoming my favorite CZcamsr. The politeness rant made me scream. Please never stop ranting
Micarah!
Omg Micarah Tewers in the wild 🤩
I love you, online friend. 😄😉😉😉💥
Same my kryptonite
@@meganelise277p🎉😢😢ppp
Something that has helped me with confidence regarding any body insecurities is flipping the way I think about it. For example, rather than saying "He won't like me if I have hair on my arms" I say "Why would I want to be with someone that doesn't like me just because I have hair on my arms." Putting yourself first in this line of thinking allows you to have more respect for yourself and lets you stop worrying what other people think. As a recovering people pleaser, this has honestly helped me a ton even if it seems like such a basic and obvious thing to do. People aren't always going to like you so if they don't like you for being who you are, why would you try to change yourself to to get their approval? It's disrespectful to yourself and it's exhausting. If people genuinely have nothing better to do with their lives than hate on your for how you look, then they have a really sad life that you get to laugh about. Put yourself first and see how fast your self-love and confidence grow.
This is so important! I remember my older sister telling me when I was young that no one would like me if I didn't wear makeup, and I just decided I didn't wanna be friends with anyone who wouldn't like me because of such a surface-level thing. I value autonomy and being true to yourself, and if someone else doesn't, then our values don't line up and it's not gonna work out one way or another. Why try to please someone who I don't even agree with? The only person you have an obligation to please is yourself. Be the you that makes you the most comfortable and happy, and just feels like you.
Which Meyer Briggs Personality type are you?😂 ENFP? 🤔
I DO THIS SO MUCH and its the number one thing that helps me.❤
What if the one that doesn't like you is yourself?
LOVE THIS ❤❤❤🥂💃💌AGREED
Best line ever ... " there are literally no consequences to experiencing embarrassment" Well said Caroline! xx
This girl made so much sense, straight from the "Beginning" I get her, this is a great video!
There can be consequences, but they're consequences you're compelled to do to yourself in your brain and otherwise because you think there are consequences beyond the feeling itself
R u forgetting all the sleep I'm gonna miss out on?
Having a hard time sleeping, having that moment be recalled by friends in the future etc, but with enough self esteam and confidence that doesn’t matter
“We’re all dying, we’re all dying at this dinner table”. Caroline I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood in my entire life. Your content is, as always, unhinged and beautifully executed ❤️
Feeling so seen 😅❤️
Well, if you're sitting to the left of the waiter, like a card game, you start. That's etiquette. If you don't know what you want, you pass to the person to your left. This is not only polite, but more efficient.
At 77, I recognize an old soul in an ageless body. I adore you.
@LisaLisowski, I couldn't say it better!
"I'm trying to get stuff done before I die" I'm sewing a crosstitch of to put on my wall! 🤭 love it!
This is going into my quote collection. "I want to talk about embarrassment. Embarrassment is part of the matrix, it's not real. There is nothing there. Embarrassment at best is ideas about somebody else's theoretical ideas about you" - Caroline Winkler
As someone with autism, I really needed this video. Many autistic people are taught the exact opposite of every point you made in this video, and I really want to flip my life around from all that "training", so thank you.
what?! i'm furious to hear that. So they tell you to feel confident before doing something? Or what else? (it'll be very helpful if you answer in detail please, because i'm going to study to work persons with autistic spectrum diagnosis)
omg yes. i suspect im on a spectrum and i’ve never understood why being nice and understanding never worked for me. it’s been years until i realized why confidence matters and how to be perceived as a “bitch”. it pains me that i have to act a certain way to get some results, but so far i’ve seen great social improvements and hopefully i’ll get used to it :-) good luck to you too!
@@ndezhda6726 one thing they might have meant is the teaching on directness... Autistic people are often extremely direct and receive implicit social backlash as a result.
@@noshititskrae that can work in our benefit, depending on who we do it w/ and when we do it/what situations we do it in
@@ndezhda6726 Ik what they mean, they’re basically told that people’s perception of you matters over all else in life and that you won’t ever get anywhere in life if you don’t completely mold yourself in accordance to society’s pre-conceived expectations
I shared this with my 16 year old son who has anxiety and you really struck a cord! We got to go into town today without any anxiety and he even went to the optometrist and made decisions on what glasses to buy and it only took him 10 minutes. Both of these would have been missions in the past. On the way home he legit told me how much this video helped him today. Anytime anxiety or embarrassment would creep in he would remember your words and fend it all off. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and your humour. 💖❤️💖❤️
Oh my gosh I can’t tell you how this story hit me. That is probably the best feedback I’ve ever heard and I am so honored. Kudos to your son, it took me so so long to be able to act on the thing, even after I’d intellectualized it. He obviously was ready to make a change for himself. I’m truly honored
@@Caroline_Winkler It has been such a battle for him. I was watching your video in bed and I just thought I'd share it just in case he might actually watch it. I was so excited that he did and so thrilled to see how he dealt with today. Truly, thank you so so much. And you are so welcome. You never know when and how your own experiences are going to help others, so, again, thank you for sharing 🥰
@@Caroline_WinklerHi that’s me! And yes I was definitely ready to make a change for myself, I’ve been ready for about 3 years now but I haven’t really been able to take the step to do so, so thank you so much for sharing this video, it’s helped me a lot even after only watching it last night 😂
@@seagulls183 congrats!
@@jlinathank you!
"Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." Van Wilder, genius.
Love your channel ❤️
Good one!
that's a good one!
1,000% to alllll of this! But quick reminder: If you’re in an unsafe environment, it’s okay to keep a low profile and fake it until you get to a safe place. I say this as someone who is autistic and asexual. Being authentically me has lost me a job and family. Lots of people are still hateful toward marginalized groups, so please stay safe out there and find a group of people you can be authentic around ❤
Although highly privileged, living abroad has increased my confidence so much! The politeness is such an American thing!! I'm currently living in Belgium, and people are so much more direct and it makes things so much easier because you aren't making your needs smaller to please others. I've also noticed Europeans are more comfortable being alone and doing their own thing. And when you are traveling, you are forced to live in the moment and you know that you will likely not see the people again. It's so freeing not to constantly worry about every single person's judgment.
I love American politeness. The otherworldly contrast between the American culture's bombastic stage presence and politeness is like a marriage between an extrovert and introvert in one nation.
Every nation has their own standards of what is and isn't polite, and that's what makes traveling such a joy. If every culture were the same we'd never truly get to travel again.
yes! yi sm from Europe and the amount of excuse me in the market🙈🙈it trally made me want to hit somebody with my trolley😂😂😂
Yeah Americans always seem to be so much about the group and being social. Which seems a nightmare for introverts. Also this culture explains the many high school movies where social hierachies are so prevalent (popular girls, means girls, jocks etc etc). Just my personal opinion and impression.
Americans are polite? I’m from europe and I think Americans are way blunder and extroverted. And honesty isn’t a quality they seem to appreciate or uphold either.
@@esencialnizdravi8608lol even though I've lived here since I was a kid, whenever someone passes by me in the market, not even near me or my cart (or trolley) and they say excuse me, it still annoys me 😂
Like I said before: came for the interior design, stayed for the self-deprecating humor & honesty. ✊🏻
❤️❤️❤️
So true!
So right. Started with int design tips, staying for the attitude overhaul that will change my entire outlook.
Yep⭐️
Same. ☺️
"You dont need to have the confidence to do something. You just have to have the physical ability to do it." This sentence is going right into my Journal, Sis! 💚
This is golden. I went to the cinema alone with no anxiety because of this.
I've been spiraling the entire day thinking everyone hates me because I have been trying my best to stop people pleasing and just be authentic and this video has seriously calmed the storm in my head.
Such a tough job! I heard in some other video that it's ok if you feel struggle while setting boundaries when you are people pleaser. You were raised and conditioned to be people pleaser. If you feel the struggle it means it's working and you're making progress.
"It's survivable when you start doing it"- Caroline❤️
Using dissociating as an ability and not over thinking things has to be one of the best pieces of advice. It’s so simple yet real. Like you can really just walk out of a plane confident or not 😂 reminds me of one of my favorite quotes “embarrassing yourself builds character”
Haha take it with a grain of salt!! But it is GREAT when facing fears and self-limiting ideas about “what you can’t do”. YA CAN
Or just “do it scared” is another way of putting it
literally! it's so true with phone calls, I get super anxious when I need to make a call, but if I just disassociate from the (honestly unfounded) anxiety I feel all thru my body and just do it, turns out I can in fact say my name, why I'm calling, and then hold a conversation. in fact, it's pretty damn easy lmao
@kat cott you're not alone in this - nor the knowledge that it's simply a mental block. Frustrating, but real.
I'm definitely going to practice that.
Has this video helped me more than any therapist I’ve ever seen? Yes.
Would hearing these same concepts hit the same coming from a therapist? No.
I get the feeling that Carolyn has taken years of her own therapy, trialed them in her life, and distilled it down to a few concepts that actually help, much like she does with her decorating advice. Seriously, between this video and the exercise video, I feel ready to crawl out of my pandemic hole.
Caroline.
On the rest: 100% agree.
Was just about to comment the exact same thing!!
That work out video literally changed my life and gives me a boost every time I think about it and I know this will be the same lol
SAME
I really should be tagging my therapist in all of this😂❤ many many years. And many more still needed
Being overly polite is such a western ideal. I moved to the US a few years back and was often called rude for being too direct when asking questions or making comments... It made me feel horrible actually lol cause people would look at me like I was uncivilized. Through time I saw how limiting politeness is to the people around me and I went back to being my natural self, meanwhile, encouraging others to act more real with me as well. I warn you though - people will give you a strange look at first before they become comfortable and others will never want to talk with you again. All my American friends who have traveled are a lot more accepting of this because they've seen it for themselves and those are the people I typically connect with. Americans are really exhausting sometimes *sigh*
"I'm just trying to get things done before I die" yes to directness. Respecting yourself and the other person is so true. I swear by this. I did learn from this that kindess is a value. And not the same as being polite! Because being direct isn't being polite. Polite is very society driven too, and different cultures will take them different.
Your segment about politeness is very interesting to me as a Dutch woman. In our culture, being direct and honest is considered more "polite" because it's more efficient. Ofcourse it has its limits. (You don't need to be rude.)
I've always found it interesting that in other cultures, being blunt is considered impolite. Honesty brings you closer to the heart of the person/situation, and is a door to building deeper connections.
I have Dutch friends and I LOVE this about them.
I am that tough love friend who dishes the truth to everyone and one of my friends couldn’t take it that I was holding him, an adult accountable to his actions. He sent me a lengthy text accusing me of being a bad friend because I wasn’t ‘supporting’ him so I decided it’s okay if we don’t have to be friends anymore. 😊
Just be sure that you're not inflicting your Truth on people who haven't asked for it, because that's actually not the hallmark of a good friend.
@@deniseunterman9652I think that depends heavily on the specific piece of truth. Most of the time I prefer good friends to be honest - even if it's an uncomfortable truth I might not have asked for.
Greeting from Germany, I thought the same thing as you.. ♡
I have to say Caroline, as a 74 year old woman, I found this video to be so compelling. You spoke to so much that I've dealt with all my life...with my art, my husband, my daughter and my friends...Thank you for so succinctly addressing these issues. It was so inspiring!
Really touched to hear this and relieved some things resonate. I know there are huge gaps in the things I still don’t know, so I appreciate the kind words💕
Great advice. Thank you!
The tip about separating your thoughts from the physical steps to accomplish tasks reminds me of a vid from “Better Ideas” YT channel about not letting your worries stop you from achieving things. Basically pretend you’re a robot so it is easier to complete the task you are scared to do. So I think your tip is incredibly helpful, smart, and not evil at all!
Hey do you know the name of that video? I’d like to check it out!
@@Sealney yeah it's called "It's not complicated"
@@outerspooky thank you :)
As a person who's diagnosed with anxiety, the first step is actually similar to what we call grounding and exposure therapy. Basically rather than focusing on the mental and emotional state, we ground ourselves to the here and now, then figure out and do the small actional steps to get to what you want.
You actually find those techniques and apply them in your life! And weirdly enough, I buy into how you explain it more than my therapists. Thank you!
I really think you make some of the best content on CZcams
Made my whole day, thank you
Yess, for me it's of course Caroline and Maddie Dragsbaek and maybe Gittemary Johansen, for very different reasons, but all empathetic bad bitches with something to say and a superior aesthetic. 💁🏻♀️
For sure.
@@Nina-cd6uw omgg yesss love Maddiee
@@miaumiau1999 She has unleashed my confidence honestly. What are your favorite CZcamsrs? Maybe I can discover new bad bitches 💅🏻💅🏻
Omg your quote about there being literally no consequences to being embarrassed, but there are consequences to not doing what you want, really resonates with me. I spent way to much of my youth not doing things I wanted out of embarrassment and fear of rejection. It has been something I have battled with, and still do sometimes, but as I have gotten older, I am able to tell myself f”**k it, I am doing it anyway”, and mentally separate myself from the situation, as you described yourself doing.
I am going to put your quote in my calendar on my phone to pop up every morning to remind myself not to let embarrass dictate my life. Love it ❤️
"I'm just trying to get stuff done before we die" lmaoooo I love this video so much THANK YOU
I'm 22, almost 23. I am so, so happy you started making CZcams videos because you are such a great role model!! I lost my mom when I was younger, and it's always so nice to find such great woman role models. Thank you!!!
This brings to mind that famous quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. “ You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you, if you realized how seldom they do.”
Most of us are too wrapped up in what’s going on in our own heads to notice someone else’s flaws.
Love Eleanor Roosevelt! Another fave quote : " Do what you like, for you will be criticized anyway."
ugh YES! i especially think about this in the gym. theres so fear of looking dumb at the gym, but truly everyone is so focused on looking at themselves.....and its just a continuation of what is true in the rest of life as well
100%! When I’m outside I’m barley noticing what gender or any other features people are let alone have some actual thoughts about somebody 😂
I think it’s such a skill to talk about these topics without being overly self indulgent. You really are great at sharing and being vulnerable without it feeling like you’re reciting your memoir to us. You are super funny and relatable and I’ve been personally influenced by what you say.
You're spot on with this. Caroline's ability to balance is truly a talent. 👌🏼
I was laughing so hard, then when it came to “creating a culture of directness” and “we will survive directness,” I felt it in my bones. Those are lessons I’m still trying to learn and integrate, and thanks so much for reminding me about that in the midst of “deal with that 🖕🏼🖕🏼”
"We're all dying at this dinner table!"
Love it. Every single message hits home and I appreciate you so much for setting off this thought process for me. You're like my inner monologue just come to life
This channel has become my Saturday morning routine: wake up, make coffee, watch Caroline, proceed to go forth and conquer the day 🙂
@@wendystockton4235 great idea I’m going to do this. Seriously.
Love her outfits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@anitas5817I might too
"It still hurts when people misunderstand you, but it doesn't have to be crippling."
I felt so seen and encouraged by this video, thank you ♥
This was honestly the best, to-the-point, and helpful video I've seen regarding confidence. So naturally I took some notes that I thought might help others as well if they're looking to really let your words seep in. Thank you Caroline ❤
CONFIDENCE
Dissociate the mental experience from the physical experience (but in a good way).
Whatever your physical abilities are, focus on the non-emotional component.
Focus on the MICRO PHYSICAL STEPS.
Embarrassment is part of the matrix. It's not real.
Embarrassment is ideas about someone else’s theoretical ideas about you.
Do not give a crap about a stranger’s fleeting thought of judgment.
Do not cut things out in your life because of embarrassment. Otherwise, your options will be very limited and your life will become dull and boring.
Ask: what are the things you are stopping yourself from doing because you’re afraid of what people will say about you?
Self-esteem is the reputation you build with yourself.
You will be misunderstood by people, and it will be painful, but your reputation with yourself comes first.
I know I am a good, genuine person. I know who I am. I know these things to be true about myself.
We will always be exposed to people’s hot takes on us. But work on your opinion of yourself!
Politeness can be inefficient. Be respectful.
Watch what type of ‘politeness’ you practice. Be decisive, and be direct, respectfully.
Survive directness.
There is freedom in saying what you want and although it may not match up with what someone else is saying, at least you are starting with the truth. The rest you can figure out along the way.
You don’t want to eradicate ALL self-doubt, this does not make you a confident person.
Self-doubt is part of the human experience.
Confidence is not about “I’m great”. Confidence is just knowing who you are - your strengths, what you struggle with, the values you hold.
You can experience fear and self-doubt, but confidence is about knowing that no matter what, you can survive it.
The only way to learn that you will survive it is by exposing yourself to disappointment. It will not kill you. Think exposure therapy.
Stop saying “what’s the point though?” Value the experience as a WHOLE, rather than questioning where it’s headed every step of the way.
Of course there is always a time and a place to plan accordingly, but when you ask these questions for every little thing, it becomes self-limiting. These are limiting questions. You cannot predict important, life changing moments and experiences.
Don’t choose events/activities just because you can predict what exact scenario it will lead to. Do shit just because you think the experience will be FUN.
There is value in the ISOLATED experience!
A lot of the time, you just gotta throw things against the wall and see what sticks.
There are immense unexpected opportunities to build confidence when you experience loss.
Having a dream die sucks and you will grieve, but it wakes you up! You get to question what you want your life to look like. Congratulations, you’re free.
Show up as YOU!
When you don’t show up as yourself, people can smell it.
Rejection will happen in life regardless, so why bother acting like someone else through your whole life? Rejection is easier when you can stand by everything you are and say.
It’s a work in progress.
You will struggle. There will be days where you are consumed by doubt. But keep going.
Take the risk, it will be worth it.
On letting other people go first-I was giving Tarot readings at a college reunion and this one girl kept letting everyone else go first. Then after a million people, it’s like 1 am and I’m delirious so I’m like I am done guys! And she’s like “but I was waiting.” Literally wasn’t trying to be mean but I was DONE. But who needs a tarot reading to know at that point the lesson is don’t put yourself last!
“Work on your opinion of yourself” - such a helpful, understandable framing, and a good reverse to “doesn’t matter what anyone thinks” which is trying to say a similar thing but doesn’t acknowledge how we all inherently care (“embarrassment happens inside your head and you can survive it” also so helpful, because the fear of even small embarrassments can feel crippling - but so freeing to get past)
So much to relate to here, thanks for sharing!
It’s been a life changer for me. Tough, but just rings true
"I'm just trying to do stuff before I die" is the most relatable thing. Thank you for this video.
I went skydiving for my 40th birthday because I was absolutely TERRIFIED of heights. I was blessed to have a brother who arranged it, and went with. We can do hard things. We just have to DO them. 🙌🏻💜
People will misunderstand you but it doesn’t have to be crippling. Thank you! I always get misunderstood and always painted as this and that (insert negative word). I’m very direct, being blunt doesn’t help, my face is intimidating - I’m not very polite too, I guess, when you put it that way 😅 I need to have some charms because people get nervous talking to me because I see their every bs 😂
One of my biggest eureka moments in therapy for me was when my counsellor said "other people's thoughts about you are none of your business."
It was arguably a bit more confrontational than I was used to for therapy, but it changed my internal monologue to myself when I find myself speculating other people's thoughts about me.
We are social creatures. It is our business. Individual is nothing without society.
@@mirianakovachevic748 ofcourse it is going to happen. We are going to care to a degree about what others think of us. But that doesn't mean you can control it or be infatuated by it. Or worse: just having a fulltime job assuming what others think of you before actually talking with them. That's the recipe for toxicity in a relationship.
the part " death from politeness" is sooo good and talks so much to me i resonate so much with what you say! thank youuuuu!!!
The politeness point is spot on!!!! I’ve grown to be very direct with my wants and needs etc and whenever i meet other women who are i just feel so refreshed and inspired
I‘m a family photographer, but I have been shy my entire life.
Last week I had my first wedding shoot and I had to do that out of body thing 😅 In the car I was literally talking to myself out loud, saying: you get out of your car, walk in there and just take the photos. It’s a wedding, you only have one chance to get the shots, and who cares what anyone thinks of you 🤷🏼♀️ the only thing that is important is that the bride and groom can look back at their wedding album and be so happy to see beautiful memories. 😅
And I got through it, and it was way out of my comfort zone, but the images turned out wonderfully! And I actually liked it so much, I hope another couple books me soon! 🫶🏼😄
Congratulations be proud of yourself and keep going one day at the time.
@@QueenOfKings0402 thank you, love 🤗💛
I was a photographer & I have social anxiety. I did that out of body thing all the time. 😅
Where? DC
Heroes do not lack fear, they act despite it. Many conflate confidence with Courage. Confidence simply comes with competence and prior evidence of success, and can be attained and trained by repetition of successful action. Courage however, requires fear and doubt. When one is confident, no bravery is required. A lack of confidence is an opportunity to be Courageous. And Courage is by far the nobler virtue of the two. Don't yearn for confidence, instead be Courageous, my friends. Love the video Caroline, and we all know you're wonderful, so stay awesome!
Interesting distinction
Well in my opinion most of the time (if not always) fear and doubt comes from within. They are a product of what we think and feel about the world and ourselves. When we are confident, we don't have to be courageous, because we are in fact trusting ourselves. So yes, I don't think confidence is inferior to courage in any shape or form...
To give an example, I feel like I am a courageous person in general, but I have little confidence. I was able to leave my home and my family to live in a totally different country where I don't even understand the language totally -- all by myself with not enough money, but my confidence is still extremely fragile. I would for sure prefer to have confidence over being somewhat courageous. Because I think courage is an act, it depends on the situation; whereas confidence lasts and stays with you no matter what, if it is well established of course.
Love this breakdown. And agreed!
this is so good thanku so much 💗
Love your opening!!!
I am screaming:
* This video needs to be required viewing in every middle and high school-!! *
If I had all of these concepts shown to me back then, in THIS format with this presentation style and personality, I would have paid attention and probably had a lot more time in my life to ~appreciate~ the losses and rejection instead of dwelling on them for months or decades, and letting them make me. Thank you for making this Caroline, you are legit a gift to CZcams.
Teachers where ya at? Play this in class! Parents, play this for your tweens and teens!
Homeschool mom here and definitely showing my teen girls. 💯
Another homeschool Mama here. Definitely have discussed these kind of thoughts with my 10 and 11 year old boys. Boys feel these things, too, though I don't think it is as recognized.
Kinda feel the same but also knowing myself from back then, I don't think I would really get what she's saying. I was very good at selective listening :'
Loss commentary is beyond accurate. I had a 6-year relationship end...then lost my dad shortly after. It was a harrowing time but about a year after all of that happened... having close friends acknowledge all the hard work and change I had gone through to get to the other side of my hardships was really rewarding and nice to reflect on. Loss was a great catalyst for me to figure out what I wanted because man, life is short.
Really appreciate you sharing this reflection on all the unimaginable events life put you through. I’m sorry for you loss. And I’m grateful to hear how you have grown through such pain. Hope you are feeling love for yourself ❤️
so much good stuff!! can't wait for more
I can relate to pretty much everything you’ve said, Caroline, and the thing you kinda started mentioning but then stopped - about wanting to be liked in a romantic relationship to the point where you try to change some parts of yourself is actually such a disservice to yourself cuz you intentionally pretend not to be yourself, when in reality what you desire most is to be liked and loved for who you really are. And so we’re trying to fool our (potential) partner and then feel hurt when they eventually don’t like that version of ourselves we created for them to like in the first place! so silly lol. So it’s like you said at the end that trying to pretend to be someone else often leads to people smelling the bullshit and rejecting us, so what’s the point in pretending when you can just be yourself and whoever likes you for you is gonna stay and you know that they genuinely like you and wanna be with you. that’s so much more rewarding than pretending to be something you’re not and then realizing that ppl like not your authentic self but that version of you that you created or worst case scenario they won’t even like that embellished version of you cuz you don’t seem genuine. So yeah, let’s cut the bullshit and just be unapologetically ourselves and if someone doesn’t like us, that’s totally fine, but at least we’re staying true to ourselves and that’s what matters most.
You're putting words to what a lot of us are thinking, but no one is saying. This is truly a unique art. 💃
this is one of my favorite pieces of feedback. thank you ❤and im so glad
I'm a 57 year old man watching your video with my wife. We have daughters your age... You're thoughts and ideas in this video are spot on! You nailed this topic! What resonates the most is being able to step away from your feelings and just do that thing your scared to do. That's a critical skill to master in life and it will take you far. Well done!
That's so cute! How'd you end up watching this together
@@yvettetee7699 We're best friends and do almost everything together and choose shows and videos that we can both enjoy. However, I draw the line at sewing...
Absolutely loved this ❤️❤️❤️
Loved this video sooooo much! Thank you!
‘Self esteem is the reputation you have with yourself.’ Seriously hasn’t left my mind since you said it in your working out video. I had to pause it and really sit with it after first hearing it it stuck out to me that much. It honestly has helped me the last week or two kick things up a notch. Thank you!
This is a tremendous video. Thank you Caroline. I’m British and my Texan neighbour and French friend are giving me Being Really Direct lessons. I told my French friend that I avoid staying with her because her futon is horribly uncomfortable and having spent loads of money with my chiropractor for back pain, I just can’t sleep on it. It was excruciating to be that direct. Guess what? No one died. And she got a new bed. Turns out her mum hated that futon too. 😂
Soo funny!! Futons are sooo uncomfortable. I'm in your camp!!
Thank you so much for this!!! 🧡🧡🧡
Love your content!! You go girl!
These series of videos that show the growth that you have been experiencing as a person have been so endearing, and engaging. They are all things I am learning about myself and applying in my life too, and having someone be able to put it into words coherently and even into a fun video is absolutely amazing. You are one of my favorite personalities on this website rn, Caroline.
So glad the videos are resonating❤❤
Preach! A friend used to say to me “omg what are they going to do, write it in their diary?!” I had debilitating fear of what others thought of me. I’ve somewhat overcome it as I’ve gotten older…much older. If I had to speak in public I’d consider injuring myself so I could cancel. Haven’t overcome that one 😬
I’m so glad this popped up in my feed!!
This video is gold!
Your recent content is amazing! Love the integrity and honest conversations you can have while making it fun and entertaining to watch.
YESSSS
“Order your food before I slap you” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I love the way you are able to constantly reimagine human thought and values and put common struggles into words that are so relatable and meaningful.
If you write a book one day, I’m buying a million copies (I’m selfishly manifesting that ❤)
Omg i would totally buy a book she writes and while not a fan of audiobooks would listen to her religiously on repeat! I could listen to her all day. She is the voice I need in my head to overcome my messed up self and improve my life.
Ooo, book! Great idea 😀
Such a great video! Thank you. 😍
I love this video! It was just what I needed today!
I totally get the loss thing. I had a business with a friend. We did it for 3 years and basically made no money. She personally had a ton of money and really this business was a hobby for her and so ordering more supplies then we need meant not making money. She controlled everything. The friendship was going downhill. I finally woke up and made the choice to get out of the partnership and start my own business making candles, lip balm and eventually goat milk soap. I lost the friendship but gained the excitement of having control of my own destiny. I also realized that the friendship I thought I had really did not exist. I'm so much happier now. 😁
I’ve always been the responsible and mature and well behaved one, but it turns out that being embarrassing is WAY MORE FUN. Life is too short to hold yourself back ❤
This was powerful. Thanks.
I really really can relate to the dissociating. I'm terrifyingly good at it. Unfortunately I am also really good at overthinking stuff. Unrelated, but: Sometimes I'm 100% sure people only think I'm smart because nobody knows how dumb my thoughts are and how chaotic it is inside my head.
Yooooo this
I needed so much of this. Feel like my life and core identity have been crumbling away around me year and year, trying to make myself smaller to avoid judgment and rejection. I don't want to be a ruin. Time to build back up. Time to do the things.
May this be the year we, those who crumble to appease others, find it in ourswlves to appease ourselves first (as long as we are good people)! 💪
I believe in you! Go do the thing!
you're SUCH an inspiration!
Literally amazing advice
It is unhealthy how early I am but my headband is ON ready 💞
Same haha. Had my coffee poured and ready ☕️
This is what I’ve needed. I’m too much in my head because of perfectionism,so I’ve enjoyed this video.
Really relate to the perfectionism! It’s very paralyzing right? It’s helping me recently to embrace and run toward “mistakes” (and they’re rarely truly that)
But honestly that I don’t care what other people think and do what I want. I am still told that I’m insecure and not confident? It’s confusing.
@@Caroline_Winkler You've talked in other videos about going to therapy and I was just wondering if you could make a video about that and if you were diagnosed with anything specific? (possibly ADHD????) I recently found your channel and have been enjoying it so much. I think the reason I love and identify with you is because of your personality. 😜 I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and it's been so freeing to understand why I do or think some of the crazy things I do. I admire seeing you talk about things that others would never talk about on the internet especially! I would so appreciate you bravely sharing your experience and what you've learned. Oh, and thank you for helping me to feel brave enough to make videos too!
@@lrhurst3033 I was Dx’d with adult ADHD in 2019, in my 50s, and of course it explained SO MUCH. It seems like everyone and his brother are being Dx’d with it now though - or self-diagnosing. People online often brag about having ADHD, it seems. Like it’s trendy to have ADHD (or any number of other mental health conditions), based on the explosion of books, videos, TED talks, memes, etc
It’s a little weird, and I have to wonder how much of it is legit and how much is misdiagnosis of something else or plain old bandwagon-hopping for attention.
Thank you for this Video! I love it!
Thoroughly enjoyed this video! Thanks❤
i just want to say that this video has now been added to my "absolute favorite videos" playlist, which let me tell you, i take very seriously. it's a playlist i only ever add videos to when i know i'll want to refer back to them, and your loneliness video made it on there too. please never stop sharing your mind with us: your soul is helping so many people ❤️
I know it may be a very personal playlist but I'd love to see it since I keep my own of that kind.
@@maeg.9123 i totally understand! there are just a few videos that are either very specific to my interests or a bit too personal so i made a public playlist of all the videos i think could be helpful to anyone. you'll see most of it is about depression/mental health since i deal with that a lot, so hopefully someone else finds it as useful as i have! czcams.com/play/PLmmcj2GSup9jXUAHP00RnkehhBu6yXTr9.html
I have a playlist like that, and this video is now a part of it as well! 😄
Same. Wish i could print the video out and hang it on my wall and forehead.
Me too!! This video made the cut, and that’s a big deal
This video will actually help women like myself who have a late diagnosis of ADHD and Autism as ‘show up as you’ is the process of unmasking (both freeing and challenging).Thank you for being you gorgeous lady! ❤❤❤
same here 🤗
Same!
Yup same! So helpful
I came here to say this too! 🥰
Yup!
I absolutely LOVE your vibe!🥰🤩
I really like the book flip for emphasis!
It took a pandemic, menopause, and a lot of self-reflection to find my way out of decades of trying to be someone I imagined people wanted me to be. You hit every nail on the head! It's so freeing when you're able to take a step forward regardless of your fears. Thank you for expressing it so clearly!
Yes! Pandemic lockdown and menopause together have been a 1-2 punch for me. Plus the death of my last remaining parent the year before in 2019.
@@calisongbird thankfully menopause wasn't in the equation for me but the two others and my mom died the day before my birthday...I feel like she did that on purpose...
@@vkngwmn6636 wow, my mom died 2 days before MY birthday!! And exactly 1 month after her own. 💔
I’m in my mid-50s and just so impressed to hear all this from someone of your age!! It took me decades to realize a lot of this stuff. Go you. 👊🏼
The restaurant ordering thing cracked me up. Yes, we women need to get tf over this misplaced “politeness” or nothing will ever get done!
Thank you, I really needed to hear all of this
Love what you're doing here on CZcams, Caroline. Thank you
honestly, one of the best things I ever did as a young woman was stop wearing makeup. my confidence was totally dependent on how I looked in my teens and ever since I stopped, I love every little line and zit and “discoloration” (according to who?!) on my face
Been in my pajamas depressed for a few days but you told me to go ‘ do something risky and fun’ … so like a phoenix rising from the ashes I’m going to follow your advice !! Thanks Caroline I needed a push ✌🏼
I think everyone is born confident. Look at babies… we all start at the same place. We’re not insecure rolling around on the floor, about our “goo go ga-ga” words, taking steps at different paces, baby fat rolls, or literal 💩 our pants🤣
BUT who we surround ourselves with(which we don’t get to choose from infancy), that’s what helps us stay confident. The ppl surrounding us and what we’re exposed to can either drag us down or lift us up… then we, YEARS later can choose to step away and create our own path via self-love, and wisdom🫶🏼
Thank you for this video, I really really needed it ❤️
This was so helpful 👍
yep - why do we so often give so much power to complete strangers in public?? its someone we dont know at all, never will see again, and yet too often people let *that* prevent us from being oursleves, doing something silly, etc
im sooo beyond caring about that anymore or letting that come between a fun memory with someone i do care about
Right? I catch myself doing it alll the time. Fear of what this person I’ll never see again might think of me
Omg. Caroline I’m so happy you said that first tip. Holy crap.. legitimately that’s one of the smartest things I’ve ever heard in my life. “You just need to have the physical ability to do the physical thing”. I’ve struggled with confidence on CZcams and reaching out for different job opportunities in life. And for you to say you don’t actually need to be confident you just need to break down the task into physical micro steps!?! That’s literally genius.
Adding a time stamp so I can watch this on repeat before my sales calls
3:00
Great advice Caroline. Wise beyond your years.
What a great video. Thank you so much!
Thanks for this video Caroline! 🥰
I feel like what this video is about is authenticity. You don't have to be confident to be authentic. But being authentic can present itself as being confident. This video is more helpful than any psychologist I've ever met. I think the problem with many psychologists, and people in general, is politeness (like you said). They tip toe around the issue, when it would be a lot more impactful to just be direct and skip the bullsh*t.
There is something very captivating about people who are authentically themselves. It is definitely an energy, good to be around! Amazing video Caroline, keep being your unapologetic self, it is contagious ❤
yessss everyone is drawn to that. easier said than done but still true
This is everything I needed to hear. Great video!
This video was what I wanted !
Thank you so much!
I find I'm most satisfied with myself and give off confidence when I'm at my most authentic. When I spiral into people pleasing too much or trying too hard to "be" something I end up intensely frustrated. And when people ask me how to be authentic it's difficult to answer without sounding vague. Just be sincere. Be real. And that resonates with me watching this vid.
And it also reminded me of you (was it you? I think it was you lol) talking about having friends from different circles mingling. If you're a person who feels the need to be a chameleon and morph into whatever version of yourself you think will be most acceptable, and then you find yourself at a party where your dart league friends are meeting your yoga friends and you don't know which "you" to be, it's a great way to feel like you want to run away into the night. Alternatively, it's totally ok and great to have different interests while still being yourself so that when you do find yourself in a scenario when different circles mingle you're still just your wonderful self, and also you are multi faceted. If this wasn't a story you told I'm going to crack up laughing, but the tldr was not to try to mold yourself to be different people, to just be you with all these different bits that make up the cohesive whole. ❤️