How to let go of someone: the trick to releasing someone from your heart
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2022
- Letting go is an emotional survival technique that everyone should learn. The paradox of heartbreak is that the negative emotions cause you to emotionally clench around the memory of the lost object. And you cannot let go of something that you are simultaneously clinging to. So the trick to letting go depends on cultivating gentle, positive emotions relative to the lost object, which allow you to relax and release. I'll explain more in this episode.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#lettinggo #heartbreak #release
Accept you never knew them just a fantasy version that never existed. You don't miss them you miss yourself and how you felt.
Whoa, I never thought about it like that. That’s very intense and interesting. I like that insight.
@@domsberisha Agreed, it'll be a very good point.
I think there's some truth to that.
Yes we miss the fantasy of the potential of the connection... what could have been...
fuck....that's good.
You don't miss them, you miss the feeling they temporarily bestowed upon you. Like drug addiction; heartbreak is withdrawal.
You can’t love someone into loving you back. Say this to yourself “ None of the things you are seeking are in the other person” , read that again and again repeat it 100 times if you have to until it clicks.
I appreciate the post. I needed it!
💯
Hmm. Till it clicks. That might take a minute.
Two people never love equally, plain and simple.
Thank you
Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go. Great advice! Thanks very much!
Often not sometimes
@@TheHunnyBeee Am in same situation also rn, am toxic ngl but she is on a whole another level, diagnosed bipolar and i would say she's a actual psychopath, we go in circle for some time i just blocked her on everything and i hope i never look back.
Amen.
@@TheHunnyBeeeya love him really. Time to self reflect why.
So true...please. just let me let her go.
“I bless you with love and release you to the Universe.”
This mantra has gotten me over many an ex boyfriend and even helped me to quit smoking. I say it out loud and I instantly feel lighter.
Words are powerful
I swear; I made a new year resolution to do more day drinking. It was a low point in my life.
It didn’t last a week and I have no desire to drink anymore.
Hi ,how are you now do you still feel angry ❤
"and I still love you and therefore I let you free" In my student-days a woman fell in love with me but I could not live her back. She was able of letting me go (with love) and we had a normal contact with each other (with other friends in a group sometimes) She was a great person!
That is amazing and so strong of you
"she came from the streets... and to the streets she must return."
well, it's not that easy sometimes... as sometimes, you REALLY do care about the person and want to build a future with them. the biggest issue imo is EGO... thinking that you're the BEST person for them and that no one can love them more or better than you did.
well, butterflies don't belong in cages... so if they have to go, release them with care & love and wish them the best moving forward.
She belong to da streets 😂
@@martinvee8852Stttrrreeeets
ego is tough man, I agree. Always had this idea she fancied me, then when we tried things out and dated and she ended up blocking me? tough... gotta let it go, just wish it wasn't always creeping to the front of my mind from the back
@@martinvee8852 😂😂😂
UDY
People who hurt me the most are the ones who made me grow. That's why I keep them in good memories and respect them for atleast helping me building up the better version of myself.
This is how I let go. It's comes natural to me.
Thank you Ryan for explaining myself to me.
"What Satan intended for evil, God used for good." How Joseph forgave his brothers who sold him into slavery.
Wow.....let me repeat what you just said. "People who hurt me the most are the ones who made me GROW. That's WHY I keep them in GOOD MEMORIES and RESPECT them for AT LEAST ......HELPING ME BUILDING UP THE BETTER VERSION OF MYSELF." .......I just had to say that again......because miraculously I have been experiencing the exact same process and it is working! Thanks for the way you expressed this. It makes total sense 😍
I agree with this but this is also why it can be so hard. Currently my wife is divorcing me and says it's because of stress. I'm living on my own now and practicing mindfulness and meditation and doing a gratitude journal. I know I'm coping with work stress better but feel so sad that she never gave me an opportunity to show this better version of myself to her. It seems such a shame that this version of me will be reserved for someone else.
Yes! Surviving my birth family has been decades of pain, and I managed to grow out of my predicament. But I my love for them is marginal…
What if it came as a gift? - Dr. Robert Glover
That last sentence. "To potentially save what is left of your life." Wow that cuts deep but is so true.
It also helps to remember how they weren’t so ideal
Only ideal was in their head. Never was real. Living a lie . What a shame, they can blame, blowout a fake flame, all in their bad name.
... That's just coping
That doesn’t help when you believe you’re the one who can change them, it just adds to your ‘to do’ list.
@@StirlingNash exactly. I'm going through the same feeling where I think I could have change the person or even I could have live with the same her.
@@StirlingNash this bro here has gone through things
My late wife died in my arms -- 18 years ago -- don't obsess over it --- but there are some VERY LONG NIGHTS from time to time
I always said my husband wasn't in the marriage. 58 years married and found out he didn't want to marry me but he did. Don't need that. Feel it was all fake. Nevs mom
Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. You aren't going through what most are. Loss and grief in love is easily the toughest thing. Without saying too much, I hope you're doing better than you were 7months ago, and see a way where her light lives with you and she wants your happiness as much as you need it. There is *no* replacing it, just finding someone who can respect it and how it has moulded you. Sending love and peaceful sleep🙏🏾☕
I was told by someone that I "dodged a bullet" when the relationship didn't work out. That helped me deal with it and now I realize that was definitely right.
I can confirm this technique works. I once counter-intuitively tried it when I was going through a heartbreak. I thought about the biblical scripture which said, love your enemies, wish the well.... and I genuinely prayed to God for goodness and mercy, love and prosperity for the girl who had broken my heart and those negative and painful emotions I was experiencing at that moment suddenly disappeared.
thanks for this brother.
I did the same, it didn't go anywhere, but somehow I miraculously started to feel very grateful for it all. Not overnight, but in around 13 months
You got the length of these videos just right. In a nutshell and clear. Something, all other advice videos fail at. I don't want to watch a 15 minute plus video that gets too informative but starts to wayn. This type of short clear advice sticks with me more. Thanks.
Thanks for the feedback, Mat. Keep coming back!
I totally agree!
Straight to the point right :)
This was what comforted me the most 8n this video bc its very easy to zone out when you are truly upset but he kepy my attention
Nailhead 💪🏼
I let go of someone six years ago. I still think about this person every day. I can't change the situation. Even though I still love this person, I know we are like oil and water in too many ways and we're just not compatible for any long term relationship. What we had was brief but it was something we both needed at the time. What came out of it was a lot of negativity. We went our separate ways and that was the end of it. As much as I wish things were different, reality says this is the way it is.
A hookup?
This terrifies me as I struggle to get over someone. I’m afraid I never will. I see you only had a brief encounter (which is sometimes harder to get over really) and you are still in pain 6 years later. I honestly don’t think I can function if I’m feeling like this for 6 more years. I can’t even stomach another month of this. Every day feels awful and it’s already been 4 mos. When will it stop?
@@AD-hh6dd Maybe I could have worded this better. I had to let this person go because it was the best thing for both of us. I don't regret our time together but we saw too many things differently and we weren't compatible. It simply didn't work. I don't love this person any less but I wish we could have been more compatible. I had to accept that it wasn't meant to be and I moved on.
@@jonw.3886 I let my person go too because I wanted commitment and it hurt not to have that. I sometimes wonder if I should have given more time but I left to try and get over it. So it concerns me that you think about this person daily and still experience pain and I’m afraid that will be me. I want to find someone else and have the love and commitment I want but that’ll never happen if I never get over this.
You could be going through Limerence all 6 years, living in fantasy with a version of this person and how it “could be”. I can imagine this is terrible and painful… You have to let them go from your thoughts to allow yourself to be happy. I would suggest this video: Heidi Priebe “Limerence: What is it and how do we let it go?”
I heard a therapist ask on a podcast once, "Do you believe that people are doing the best that they can?" My initial response was, "sometimes," but then she elaborated.
Maybe they are having a bad day? Maybe they are in physical pain? Therefore, IN THAT MOMENT, are people doing the best that they can? It changed my response to a "yes".
That change in outlook started the transition from grief, to acceptance for me. It gets better, day-by-day.
Yep, you aren’t really over letting anyone go until you adopt the attitude of love and affection with gratitude. I had to do this a few friends and since I’ve been able to do this I feel at peace.
Had to let go of toxic friendships as well as toxic romantic or not so romantic but nevertheless relationships also.
I've done that too. Letting go of friends who didn't appreciate my worth. Now, I am working on my own self care. Their loss!
Breakups are so painful. Letting go is a practice. Awareness is key in healthily detaching. I find that consciously cultivating emotions of gratitude as to develop gratitude as a default mindset makes everything in life easier. As well as reframing the meaning you assigned that person.
Gratitude is always the best attitude!
Those are good points, Doms. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah...I heard it's more painful than losing someone through death because there's added rejection.
Damn if letting go is a practice I'm a professional then
I think I’m realising that if you ever really loved them letting go is the only option that makes sense. If you cling to them too tightly it starts becoming more about you clinging to yourself and your own hurt ego than because you love them
Wow
🎯
Need this video right now. Dealing with a flirtation with a married individual who has signalled verbally and physically that they are ok with cheating. I cannot let myself get used by a dishonst person who has demonstrated that they cannot be trusted.
then don't... (or you will be involved with a cheater and will indeed feel used.)
Yep.... if they will do it with you, they will do it to you,
That's how I'm feeling right now.
Good for you having values. My now x cheated with a co worker and clearly the co worker didn’t care she was married.
There is only sorrow in the end
Trust me I crushed my own morals believing I was the one ….. or special when indeed I was not.
I hate breakups. I'm going through one now. Another failed relationship, and it wasn't even a bad one. She just stopped being in love with me. Hoping I come out okay on the other side.
I have the same feeling right now but I hope we get better soon 🙏
How are you doing now? That sounds really tough, I hope you're ok.
@@daphinefavour8637 absolutely. I wish you the best!
@MikeJackson690 wow, thank you for the really kind words. I'm hanging in there. Just trying to rebuild and get better. Thanks again, and I wish you the best!
@@kman8749 You're very welcome. I'm here for the same reasons (breakup is imminent) so I feel your pain. It's especially bad when you've given your all and know you've done your best, isn't it? Yet, somehow, it's not enough.
I'm glad you're hanging in there, at least. It takes a while to rebuild. Here if you need to talk, any time : )
Fantastic piece of advice. I agree 100%. I came to this exact conclusion during a very hard break up (I was still in love) and it is absolutely true. Keeping the feeling of love and not fighting it really is the best alternative. We will only hurt ourselves more if we try to change love into hate or something negative. Really wishing the person well and still loving them is the best way to go. It will still hurt for some time, but it will pass and a great feeling will stay. Real love is unselfish.
But then how do you make room for someone else in your heart and make it not feel like cheating?
@@brera2434 Over time, that may be room for someone else as we heal. But I think it is important to enjoy some time alone with no dates, etc, after a break up. When we find someone again after there has been some time after the break up, it would never feel like cheating because it is not cheating if you are broken up. Why would it feel like cheating? I think it can only feel like cheating or anything weird if we don't spend enough time alone before being with someone new.
@@elainer8288 Well, I can't get rid of the feelings for my ex. That relationship has broken up 20 years ago...and i can't touch anyone, it feels like I am lying to the other person AND myself. And no matter which approach I have tried so far, I can't move on. I am a miserable, weak character.
How did you get on? I am struggling and conflicted @elainer8288
Wow... I'm in tears. There is a part of me that loves this person, but another part that keeps battling with the bad. But you are absolutely right. Love, accept, let go.
“Potentially saving what’s left of your life”. Very poignant & true. You have to move on or you’ll be stuck there in your heart & mind forever.
Nearly one month ago I was heartbroken from someone who told me he loved me. For nearly two weeks I have prayed for him that he will be given prosperity peace, serenity and freedom and that they will learn to trust again . I wish him all the best
My only son married into a wealthy family and left me behind. Wasn't invited to the wedding and never met her or her family. My son and I had never ever had a problem in our relationship and this hit me broadside! He hasn't spoken to me in 4 1/2 years and I have 2 grandsons I will never know. The brain confusion this caused required a lot of un-necessary rationalization on my part. Try to explain something that contains no logic. I wish him well but the disrespect shown to me is a hard one to get over.
Have you asked him why?
@@AtheismF7W When he told me he was married and I questioned why I was excluded he brought up his childhood and said I was never there when he needed me. Said I bopped in and out of his life. Said I left him twice before he was seven. I divorced his mother for cheating and I even took her back because I was worried about him, left her after she repeated her old tricks. I worked on the road and was gone 2 months at a time. I always was there for him and when I thought he was having problems with his mother and stepfather I got him into music to give him an outlet. Bought him a guitar and lessons. Whenever he needed anything I was there. He never in 37 years ever let me know of any problems. I figured if he wanted me in his life I would still be in his life. I just honored his wishes and am staying out of his life. Ball is in his court.
I’m really sorry this happened to you.
I hope he changes his heart and realizes what a father really means to a son.
@@myworldonline Thanks for your concern, I don't think I would know how to view him after that. I knew the little boy but don't know the man. People that can toss people like a paper towel are really not people I want in my environment. I think their label would be Narcissist.
It sounds difficult to believe that your relationship only soured when he got married. There is a lot missing out of this story. As a parent myself, I know that we are not perfect, but there has to be some past drama or trauma here that your son wanted to escape from and never have to deal with again. Once you confront that and work on that, Things will get better.
Wow. I plan to use this technique; the visual image of clenching my fist and clinging to be replaced with gently opening my hands and setting free, coupled with mentally wishing him well. Can't thank you enough for your insight and generosity to all of us. ❤
It's a useful image. You may also consider looking up "loving-kindness meditations," if you're looking for more guided and structured practice.
You miss a version of them that never existed. It’s the version you perceived in your mind. So, you miss nothing.
My mentor told me while going through a divorce, “how you treat your children’s mother, is how you treat your children”. So, hating on your ex, brings negativity to your children (whom we are supposed to love deeply). The Buddhist concept plays into this well, let go with love…
I like it and that doesn’t make it any easier.
I don’t think this applies when you realize that your ex wife is a narcissistic lunatic out to destroy every one in her path including her kids. Protect yourself, kids, and get out of the way.
@@racebannon96 facts
@@racebannon96 If you're a guy, protecting your kids is near impossible...Best to move on and start again as things are.
That doesn't always work. If it isn't anything to do with the child, just don't say anything; and when you do say anything about the child, make sure it's done respectfully. Get to the point and keep it moving.
I am just recovering from a breakup and these 3 minutes have helped me a lot. Thank you!
What did you do ?
@@MaryGj I listened to the "trick" of releasing someone from my heart and went over the break up much more easily. I was mad of what she had done to me and realized that holding a grudge or hate her wont do me any good. Remembered to good parts from the relationship and moved on.
This is exactly what i've done. No longer clinging to memories or a feeling. Just affection, fondness and true forgiveness. It just took time to heal healthily and without any negativity. Thank you for your presentation.
Thank you so much for your wise words. I’ve lost three people in the last six years husband, father and son and apparently I’m still been grieving and needed to hear this tonight so thank you.
So sorry to hear of your loss; I don’t usually respond to many people but I feel the loss and pain in your words. God bless you and your family with understanding and clarity…not much solace now but know we will all be reunited with those we love…❤️🩹
Sending lots of love ❤️
If this helps you..This mortal life is of impermanence..The hard truth is that we all have to let our loved ones go and one day we will follow them and people who love us will also have to let us go..
But take solace in the fact that we are all connected to our loved ones in some astral universe..Even if we keep spirituality out of the context, string theory also suggests that 10 to the power of 235 universes were probably created at the time of the big bang..Take solace in the fact that from this world of impermanence, you will be connected to your loved ones in some other universe permanently..Jai Shri Krishna 🙏
Im shocked to see your name haha thought you were my ex that im trying to let go of
anyways, I wish you love
LOVE is the answer of all questions and all the problems. Detach with compassion and accept what is.
I'll be honest Doc, if this advice came from anyone else on CZcams I would not listen.
Thank you for this free advice and thank you for building up a reputation where we can trust your advice even if it's something we don't want to do not because it's wrong but because they hurt our hearts. I'll start applying this strategy simply because you never gave me a reason not to listen to you.
The wisest 3 minutes on the whole CZcams. Thank you!
The timing this video gets into my recommended is perfect!
As Orion rightly says love is the natural antidote for a broken heart. To experience love is to be immersed in a form of universal energy that has the power clarify and redefine our personal experiences and especially those that touch us intimately.
I think it's important to allow yourself all of the other feelings/stages of grief that come first. That is a super painful and somewhat dangerous process but I think it is necessary. Especially after a bitter ending to an important / long term relationship. Otherwise you can find yourself in a situation where you are trying to smother legitimate anger, and that's just not healthy. But the idea is definitely to release that as soon as you are able - after all, in a situation where you would be that hurt, it's probably not your fault and not your burden to carry. It does get better.
I agree. One must live the five steps of mourning the loss first. Denial of grieving is extremely unhealthy. Letting go with love and gratitude comes with acceptance, the last step.
Like any loss there are steps or stages of grief
It both cathartic and healing to allow this process
Try to be compassionate loving and caring
To that other individual help to o soften the ache
May we all find peace and control
I agree this would be the best route to go and as you pointed out its difficult to do when we've been hurt or not felt appreciated or love reciprocated. There's always a sense of hurt when a relationship ends unless we are the ones that wanted it to end and I think that's also a part of the secret to letting go. We also should tell ourselves it should've ended not because of the good times , not because of the loving moments of course, not because of who they were, but rather what they've become. And often for reasons out of our control they have become someone who's changed and that change is someone new internally and someone we are no longer compatible with. I've been hurt, angered even obsessive when someone I loved ended it, even in friendships at times. But with time I learned to say it was for the best because just as the years change so do people. The woman I loved in 2018 no longer exists, just as 2018 doesn't. Yes technically she's still living, looks mostly the same, but 2022 is a different year, and she is not the same as she was in 2018 either. Excellent video. Love is often the answer and forgiveness from afar , yet so hard to do at times. When love is replaced with indifference than the heart is usually healed.
That makes sense to me. The fact that all things change in time gives life its bittersweetness.
Beautiful what you say in the video. To stay in your inner love, keeps your heart open. It gives understanding why it happens and were you are in live. It opens doors, for new friends, new lovers on your level.
Release attachment, ego, and anger... Like the Buddhists say... & It will transform your life faster than you can ever imagine❤
You can't get hurt if someone doesn't appreciate or validate you because we are not meant to be searching externally for any of that. It can only be found within, and when we are balanced and grounded and whole, we will attract the same. Anything we attract is a direct reflection and mirror for what needs healing, or addressing and acknowledging in ourselves. That's a secret they don't teach us doesn't. So for those who want to involve towards Ascension more rapidly, recognize that every person and situation is put in your Vortex to teach you something about yourself, and even more exciting, we chose for it to happen before we incarnated here. There can be nothing but love and light... Because anything you resist will persist, and anything that wants to leave, let it. God hides your value from those who are not meant to see it, and they have their own evolving to do, we cannot get in the way of their karmic path either. Nor do we want to enable or disable them, because that is not true unconditional love. We can offer nothing to another until we have offered it to ourselves first. Otherwise we would be inauthentic and disingenuine
Please don’t write a book on your opinion
@@daleclarke2849 get lost
Excellent and empathetic advise. Detachment is definitely the right attitude that helps not only recover from this humiliating addiction but to grow emotionally, transforming the stumbling block into a stepping stone.
Dude, thank you for all your work in the study you put in. I also thank you for your bad experiences and how you’ve overcame them and I can’t express the gratitude that I have for you helping me knowingly, and one of the most challenging situations I’ve faced.
It's a new way for me to let go. I learnt the best way for me is to realize each one of them was a lesson to be learnt nothing more. Once I dicipher the lesson I manage to let go really fast I've noticed.
I think there's some truth to that. From a psychological perspective, I would say that the "lesson" is an attempt to consciously reframe or re-narrate the story of the relationship as a net positive.
@@psychacks Yes, I do just that. The way you paraphrased it. :)
This practice is crucial for us-we need to let go and this way we're setting ourselves free, great one Doc-keep it going 🙏🏾
thats the most profound statement you have made yet ! & sheds light on "without love, you have NOTHING" !
You’re right. When I heard those words my whole energy changed. It’s really that simple. It was important that I see this short video. Thank you so much.
Excellent you are 100%! This is how I finally let go of my ex (for the most part) of 11 years, still every so often get that tear but life is much better. Excellent content 👍
I think you might have saved my life, I thank you and I hope the best for all of you who got this recommendation. It's time to move on with love in our hearts
I would say that it's your mind that's creating this hurt so you need to stop thinking about them train your mind. Also i would suggest that you start looking after yourself get a hobby, go for a walk, buy yourself new clothes, change your hairstyle just give yourself some thought. Good luck to all you nice people who are hurt . Sometimes your own brain can be your enemy. Time to get up and rise to a new you. ❤️ Happy birthday Dude.
youre doing a really important job and youre doing it good. keep up the sort and concise videos where you come to the point directly!
As soon as I listened to this I could feel myself unclenching, and letting go. This is good advice. Thank you.
I had just done this recently, before even hearing this. It is so true.
I wish them nothing but the best in life & it freed me.
Nice, I agree! Love is always the answer! It may not feel like the easiest thing to do but it is what will help set us free. Ruminating over past hurts will only prolong the suffering. Life is short. Try a different way 😊
As you say, it doesn't mean condoning certain behaviours, it just means lovingly softening and releasing our grip on them. That's a much healthier thing to do than holding on to pain and resentment. Acknowledge those feelings for sure. Honour all you feel! But, when you are ready to let go of the story, to heal, practice love and forgiveness.
Forgiving ourselves and others can help set us free and make space for new love to enter into our lives (if that is what we would like). That's unlikely to happen if we stay mentally and energetically stuck in the past. The only person we are hurting when we do that is ourselves.
It may take some patience and practice but I'd much rather spend my time developing my inner love than staying stuck in a dark hole... wouldn't you?
Why not let painful experiences be what teach us to grow our inner love, which is who we authentically are and who we are born to be 💖 When we can do that... we can be thankful for all of lifes challenges. We can let them mold us into better people. We just need to make that choice and let love lead the way 🥰
Orion you are the operational definition of a Stoic: Virtue is a focus on Wisdom, Courage, Temperance and Justice. Every one of your posts focus on one or more of these aspects of "virtue". Keep up adding rationality with the emotions that control us and often are the source of our problems and sufferings.
This perfect. In reflection, this is exactly how I let go of the most co-dependent and traumatic ending relationship- with a desire to be free myself, love fully, and love them- seeing the value in it ALL. I will apply this to the attachments I have been moving through, recently- thank you so much 🙏
I am still stuck - when I start to wish them well, I miss them and it starts all over.
I'm with you. I understand 100%
This is the wisdom I needed. I have been hurt by people for many years because of my niceness and I keep a grudge even though a part of me wants to treat the experience as a learning phase. Peace lies somewhere in between learning the lessons and forgiving.
Letting go with love . So simple So deep , so healing , yet so so difficult. Much gratitude for sharing your wisdom . Have now started this journey of letting go with genuine love after so
much pain . And it is so liberating . 🙏
Ultimately, letting go requires Emotional Maturity, which most people, especially in the age of social media, lack. It's very similar to the Grieving Process. There truly is Freedom in letting go.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Really? How do i find one please?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Hey man! You do not know how much you have helped me move on. Thank you! Been hurt now twice, but going back here help me move on from my 2nd heartbreak. It was tough because she is my friend and I thought that that was enough to make her say yes.
I think its a loss very similar to a death. The grief is real.
But I think its also an accumulation of illussions, unhealed, past parts of self neglected all boiling to the surface for attention to be matured healed and resolved. Often we go into relationships not knowing the purpose is to evolve ourselves higher and that its 50 /50 or lower this will go long or lifetime. And that knowing can be peaceful and purposeful.
I knew what he was. I also understood that he wasn’t really loved by his mother, also in that culture, you are expected to do what the family wants you to do. I realize and have known he never really cared about me. I care about him, but in a different way. I will always love him, knowing that he isn’t what he pretends to be.
The absolute best advice I have ever heard on this topic. Brilliant. ❤
Very good advice. Going through a sad time now. Let go with love gives you a bit of control back. Anger keeps you holding on, like a child screaming. The pain will ease up in time. Thanks for sharing a great video.
This is true, it came around 8 months after a horrible break up. But to truly forgive and hope/pray for the best towards that last love knowing the constant obstacles we face in this life and that they overcome as well has helped me tremendously. Its been a total mindshift for me and there is release, a little more strength given back to move forward.
I tried this and it definitely worked. As you say very hard, but if you can try to relax and change your mindset. You have confirmed that I was managing my emotions in the right way. Thank you. And I agree with the first comment you are only really missing how you felt during that time not the person. So helpful thank you 😊
Yes Sir!!! I’m tapping the subscription button right now!!!❤❤❤
Yeah, this is spot on. Needed to hear that. She's so much happier now, and I should be glad about that if I ever did love her. Thank you
Thank you for making this video. I am grieving the loss of my child, and am struggling with moving thru my grief. This technique is something I can do daily to help get thru my grief. So thank you for me a parhway back to living life. I am ❤so grateful to you for this advice. Blessings to you.
I lost a child too 2 years ago. It never stops hurting but it does get better. Hang in there
This is excellent and valuable advice, thank you so much! Love and compassion are always the answer!
Gratitude, compassion & love. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this difficult issue.
So real. Only through forgiveness and compassion you can heal. Breakups are really painful but hatred is the worst feeling you can ever experience as it keeps you stuck at the same point ... Always let go with love.
Brilliant Buddhist wisdom and perfect timing.
I recognize myself in this path. We had a heavy emotional break, but with respect. My issues were around her family, that treated me dishonestly, to put in few words, and that fact that she did disrespect me afterwards, and that made angry in many ways. I caught myself wishing her bad things and that was only me drinking my own poison.
When I realized, I was hurting myself badly. After that, I got myself together and since then I've abandoned that path. Things are getting better. but there is still some resentment that I'm learning to let go. My ego doesn't make it easy to me, but I'm dealing with it.
Another good reason to let it go is that her and her family's attitude doesn't belong to me. I have no control at all when it comes from the other. If they did bad things, that's a reflect of their character. I'm not responsible for that in any way.
Thanks for sharing those minutes: I'm sure they'll make a difference for me.
Oh, YES!! I needed to hear Your message today! This Resonates with Me!! I Do Remember the Good Times and now I'm Focusing on Gratitude for the Memories! with Love!! Much Appreciation, Ana♥
Wisest video. Delivered from such a place of authenticity.
I always found it easy to wish well for others, even those who hurt me. It comes natural to me so I don't know the struggle of going through one. Despite that everyone is different and I understand it must be difficult to let go of someone with love.
If that's true, I think that's rather rare. In my experience, most folks are walking around with scars on their hearts and some measure of resentment for those who put them there.
I don't know if I ever wanna go through this type of frustration/pain again, if I can help it. Especially at my age of 40's.
Same actually. I wonder, do you have the same level of self-compassion? Because I feel like sometimes, those 2 things are at odds with each other.
Accepting the loss and releasing through love is painful, but very healing. Thank you. I needed this guidance 50 years ago.
It is a beautiful way to teach a person who is in intense and often negative emotion towards another person … release the tension, transforming negative feelings to something constructive and in soft kindness - is really the best way to ‘ let someone go ‘ or ‘ regain someone’s love ‘ …. We have seen enough of this ‘ madness in love ‘ which not only mostly derives from his or her own fantasy but result in hurting oneself and hurting others …. The universe is a magic design for harmony where a tree, a stone, a river or a pice of cloud all have their own place and in relation with others to co exist and enjoy a marvelous journey together. Thank you Dr for putting this into a soft way and I hope those who are surfing from such ‘ mad emotion ‘ gets chance to see this wonderful video. Prayers for the world in peace.
Oh gosh, sooo glad I saw yourvideo!! I've been thinking these loving thoughts for an ex that really hurt me, and your video gave me assurance that this is right to do, which gave me the power to continue!!! Thank you very much for sharing this and also being vulnerable by sharing your own experience...watching your videos, I guess I always think that you are never hurt, because you are so wise on this topic!
I've been dealing with something confusing and uncertain which has made me feel loss, anger, hatred even, paranoia, and everything else. The only times I've found peace is when I allow myself to think to accept my feelings, embrace the reasons I felt that love for someone, and to focus on embracing them to be free from me and me from them. I did this independently as my mind just chaotically swept through different reactions to the sensation. But this is the one that kept me in the healthiest place and I kept reminding myself of. seeing this video, sort of gave me validation that that was the right way to view it. Even if I don't trust the person, and I am aware of the complications, love is like allowing yourself to exist in the world, as opposed to rummination in negativity which is a poison on you. It's like you're burning yourself twice; first in regards to what the person did to you, and second with what you're doing to yourself.
"Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Forgive and you will be forgiven." - Jesus
Resentment is regressive but be honest with how you feel and give yourself time and space to grieve and heal. 🙏🏽
Wise words.
Thank you! After 16 months I finally came across the advice I needed to hear. I will go through the pictures I haven't touched for a year...
Ok, I’ve been watching your videos for weeks. This one made me subscribe. 🙏🏻
Wow. This video was very insightful. I still hold so much pent up anger and negative emotions towards my soon-to-be ex-wife due to how our relationship ended. I pray that I can follow the path of love to truly start the healing process and move on with my life without her in it. Thank you for sharing this deep insight.
The one lady I actually, truly loved, was a covert narcissist. 12 months of ups and downs. She ended us by text for saying she was rude on the phone. Days later, I suffered a stress induced seizure because of her. I text her when I was in hospital. She did not reply. 4 months and I'm still in physical pain and mental anguish. I miss her even though it was all fake. I'm going to try this. Thanks for the upload ❤️
Richard Grannon's videos are good for psychopathic narcissists
Ignore the crazy shit about COVID he puts out
Hello. Just wanted to let you know that Jesus loves you very much. He is coming back very soon and He wants you to be ready.
Just go to Him as you are. You don’t have to be perfect. The only thing He requires is a full surrender of your life. Go to Him and give Him your life and everything. Once you surrender everything (from the heart). He will give you The Holy Spirit in His fullness. The Holy Spirit will then give you faith, the power to overcome sin, peace, fulfillment and above all, eternal life. You cannot do it on your own strength. It’s only by the Holy Spirit. And you get The Holy Spirit once you lay everything down, including your life at The Lord’s feet. He says in His Word “Not by might, not by power but by my Spirit”.
People think Christianity is boring. That’s because they see it as a religion. Christianity is not a religion, but a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who loves you and gave Himself for you. Having a relationship with Christ is the most joyful fulfilling thing you can ever have. Jesus changed my life and He wants to change yours as well. The reason we are all here is to fellowship with and have a relationship with God.
Yes, I think his advise is for normal breakups between normal people. The intentional confusion and gaslighting that narcissistic people invoke on their victims in order to create a trauma bond is on a whole different level than a normal relationship breakup. It would be extremely difficult for a victim of narcissistic abuse to maintain a love for such a person and move on. In that case, just attaining indifference to the narcissist is the real goal. Knowing that you will never understand exactly what happened, that you have been lied to and literally toyed with by the person you cared about and who pretended to care about you is the most frustrating part of the whole thing. Finding someone else who has gone through a similar experience is very helpful and will help you gain your sense of self back.
@@anthonymancini3372Thank you for your reply. It really screwed up my life compass. I'm getting there. Day by day. ❤
This is deep. Even the person who hurt you most, the person you are so attached emotionally that you can't let go, even this person must have shared with you some moments, atleast a couple of moments you really cherish, really sweet. You must keep thinking about those moments and try to forget the negative part of the relationship slowly. Then eventually, you'll get back your sanity and release this person in to the universe without ill-feeling and in the end with love.
Thank you. I appreciate this because I was recentely blindsided into the ending of my relationship. Everything was going so well, never fought or argued. She appreciated all the little things I filled her life with and I certainly reciprocated that feeling. Then all of sudden, she dissapears with a final text, "I cant do this". I was holding on to the pain and confusion, staying connected to her through them. But yes, its through love that we learn to let go and let be. The weight doesn't feel so heavy.
I know for me, I always tended to futurize so break ups weren’t just missing that person, it was a breakdown of my world and everything. No matter how much I knew that person wasn’t for me. It forever the question on to me “what do I need so badly” and “ why do I think someone else can fill this void“. So I went into the void to see.
Yes this.
Thank you so much. Just what I needed to hear at this moment in my life. If I can try to turn the pain of rejection into a loving acceptance of what's happened. But it is going to be difficult and painful. Amen.
Agreed. Difficult
I didn't know what I was choosing when I chose to see things this way..... This was such a validating video. Thank you for those words
This is so true. With an abusive ex I couldn't get over, I started praying for him and that helped me get over him.
Beautiful Video Sir....watched it twice, Great Information ....
Thank you very much for this! I can identify, somehow as a very very young child "let go" of my parents! They were (and still are) going through something, personally, financially, culturally that severed them. Their journey involves too much validation seeking, little empathy mixed with smoldering disapproval, dysregulation and temper tantrums directed toward anyone around! Earlier if Iattempted to express this with family members or friends, I was labeled as ungrateful! The usual BS. Recently they went on vacation to Hawaii, a truly amazing accomplishment for people who only know a scarcity narrative. Unsurprisingly they loathed every second. 😂 The a hollow shell is a sad waste of life! I am happy to be free!
Short, concise and to the point, I really appreciate this video and think it makes a lot of sense. Of all the videos I watched no one said this. I’m going to give it a try, thank you🙏💙
Thank you Orion for your wisdom, this is a valuable lesson 💮 the journey continues
Thank you for this message. I usually get some untrue advice that my ex will someday come back, and that it's my fault he won't. Trying to release thoughts, hope, & memories of him so I can move on as I did before I dated him. 🙏💙
Unknowingly I did this exact thing a few years ago in a breakup that was my fault. Sadly, in more recent times I've been going thru another breakup that wasn't my fault and before watching this I knew I needed to live into the softening feelings you spoke of, but holding on to bitterness and anger....phew...they feel good for a short time, then leave you so empty. Then all you want to do is feel better and the lady thing on your mind is sending that person love....hard cycle to get out of.
*THANK YOU* 5 mo. ago, the wisdom of Gratitude taught here coincided with an unexpected divorce. Gratitude has pulled-me back from the "edge" several times now. This works!
This is a beautiful message and came in a great moment.
Thank you!
Bro - love yer channel, format AND yer content. This one is particularly good…. and relevant for me. This advice is especially true, and you touched all the bases. It IS a process and the hanging on or rumination/perseveration only serves to protract the healing. It’s interesting to me that while intellectually AND anecdotally, I know your guidance is both accurate and true, if still takes time. I think some people get addicted to the feelings of hurt and being wronged, including me, but to your point, this is the equivalent of drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. Too, the energy and emotion one dedicates to this practice, who is truly endeavoring to heal, at best, protracts or even prevents their recovery, and at worst will ultimately do far more harm than good. In fact, no good will come from doing this. None. Knowing this full well, and still not choosing to detach with loving kindness is a BIG mistake. Maybe you should make a video on the ‘know do’ principal- smile. For you to bang out that wisdom in under 4 minutes is genius, as is the visual of your hand literally gripping said emotion, and then softening or loosening over time. Not sure you need to include the framed diplomas and certifications of accomplishments in your background, Doc. Your sagacity, intelligence/insight, and expertise are all clearly expressed by your content and further evidenced by the presentation and format of your videos. It’s difficult to properly capture and convey so much wisdom and practical advice in minutes….when most all of the topics you address can and often do involve hours upon hours of reading and study, AND the internet is replete with voluminous books, lectures, webinars, masterclasses, podcasts, etc. on second thought, maybe keep those diplomas in the background, for you have clearly done the work and have earned them. Anyhow, I appreciate and respect your work. I must, because this comment is as long as some of your videos - trip on that! Thanks, Doc!
Well said, Andrew.