How to be INDESTRUCTIBLE: the power of deidentification

Sdílet
Vložit
  • čas přidán 27. 11. 2022
  • To be indestructible, you must first understand how you are destructible. From a psychological perspective, you are destructible when you inappropriately identify with external reality. This basically means that you conflate what you have with who you are. This is dangerous, as any threat to a possession with which you are identified will be experienced psychologically as a threat on your essential being. However, if you can identify yourself with your self, then who can have power over you? I'll explain more in this episode.
    Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
    Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
    Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
    See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
    Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
    #stoicism #invincible #identity

Komentáře • 852

  • @dkiperman
    @dkiperman Před rokem +955

    "Enjoy and appreciate them when you have them, and surrender them with love and gratitude when it's time to let go." What a great lesson. Thank you.

    • @shafiquesalman7734
      @shafiquesalman7734 Před 9 měsíci +5

      Agree. what a powerful statement

    • @markomatis1085
      @markomatis1085 Před 9 měsíci +22

      "Receive without pride, let go without attachment." Marcus Aurelius

    • @latinaalma1947
      @latinaalma1947 Před 9 měsíci +4

      Yes I agree....some people are not meant for us, some people are meant for us briefly, and we all are born alone and most of us will die alone, all by ourselves.

    • @villen2020
      @villen2020 Před 7 měsíci

      We all die alone. Death is a solitary action.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Před 6 měsíci +1

      Be cold and arrogant all the time.

  • @splouffy
    @splouffy Před 3 měsíci +68

    Episode 3.
    Yoda: you must train yourself to let go of the things you fear to lose.

  • @dr.redphdleasurestudies.5399

    This is the blessing of being stripped of everything. Be it by disease, war, or divorce if you survive having everything taken from you, you will be indestructible. The hard part is letting it all go.

    • @stxrynn
      @stxrynn Před rokem +32

      When I was going through the divorce, the demands kept getting larger and larger. I had a few fears: being homeless, losing everything I'd worked for, dying alone. One by one I had to face those fears and accept that I may have to go there. I cannot tell you the weight that lifted off my shoulders when I opened my hands and quit grasping at what I thought was important. The sense of self I have now is almost indescribable. I didn't lose all that, but holding it with an open hand, just like he states about the relationship, unloaded a lot of mental weight. Truly, it was a Blessing from above.

    • @reumedan3502
      @reumedan3502 Před 10 měsíci +1

      Very well said.❤

    • @enemyofthestatewearein7945
      @enemyofthestatewearein7945 Před 9 měsíci +6

      If you have nothing then nothing can be taken away. But no one can take away what's in your mind. This is the basic foundation of most Confucian belief systems; live a simple life and keep your thoughts in order.

    • @brianbard3846
      @brianbard3846 Před 9 měsíci +5

      Hey studies, I lost my home and all my vintage guitars and amps and 67,mint Ludwig drum kit.
      I didn't think I could be inspired to play music without them.
      But it's getting better, and I am excited about starting to play again anew with a more resilient outlook.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Před 6 měsíci +1

      Not true. The poor people suffer the most.

  • @TheKafaniKirarim
    @TheKafaniKirarim Před 24 dny +8

    Understanding what needs to be done in order to achieve this kind of mindset is both liberating and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.

  • @candidlens
    @candidlens Před rokem +371

    Spoken like a true Stoic philosopher. Thanks, brother.

    • @celphdfined9298
      @celphdfined9298 Před rokem +1

      How do the stoics view Socrates?

    • @candidlens
      @candidlens Před rokem +9

      @@celphdfined9298 As one who likely annoyed his wife. But more generally, probably in a positive light.

    • @candidlens
      @candidlens Před 11 měsíci

      @@celphdfined9298 the Stoics were essentially descendents of the Platonic school, in my understanding.

    • @AdamFiregate
      @AdamFiregate Před 11 měsíci +4

      @@celphdfined9298 Stoicism is a Socratic school of philosophy. Epictetus talks about Socrates as a role model.

    • @leebennett1821
      @leebennett1821 Před 10 měsíci +3

      They where never really yours just yours for now

  • @luiscaceres4426
    @luiscaceres4426 Před 2 měsíci +12

    Don’t attach to anything but do enjoy it when ever it is in your present..

  • @Nsands81
    @Nsands81 Před 6 měsíci +38

    Ive taught this to my wife and have been telling my clients/students the same.
    Being a marine myself we are also taught this since day one of bootcamp. Civillians will call it "brainwash" but in truth its the raw perspective of how the real world works.
    No one cares about what youve done, not even god. Its what are you doing now/still to be of use and to keep striving and of value to those around you.
    Keep pushing out the content Dr.

    • @eternalshitbreak9649
      @eternalshitbreak9649 Před 2 měsíci

      It is brainwashing. What have you done for me today is bullshit. CZcams chill.

    • @twenty9inehundred
      @twenty9inehundred Před 6 hodinami

      The way I look at is if the military is going to take time to train people
      to be strong tough even the best because there is competition with other soldiers country OFCOURSE its valuable “brainwashing” I say the same thing about cops most cops I see where I live are fit able to fight and able to shoot to kill whilst most civilians struggle to put down the cell phone …

  • @taylorhenderson8123
    @taylorhenderson8123 Před měsícem +6

    "The Path to indestructibility is basically the process of systematically deidentifying from that which you falsely and unconsciously identified with sometime in your past."
    This is the Way

  • @TLW369
    @TLW369 Před 8 měsíci +14

    The reason why I identify so strongly with this monologue is because folks love “trash talking” about me to others, but hate that I don’t react to their nonsense!
    I am *not* my past… I am indestructible.
    👑

  • @littlerose6673
    @littlerose6673 Před rokem +185

    This one was perfect for me. I was laid off from my job of 22 years along with hundreds of others. I am pretty alone in the world, no immediate family. I have friends, but really identified with my job/career as this has been a constant in my life for 42 years. I will get another job, But it is a loss. And I have been wondering about my value etc.

    • @psychacks
      @psychacks  Před rokem +118

      These moments are difficult. And they may ultimately conspire to move you in a much better direction. However, passing through them isn't easy.

    • @ajjames9065
      @ajjames9065 Před rokem +8

      I was looking for an example of this topic. Thank you.

    • @danfloros4267
      @danfloros4267 Před rokem +5

      in time you wilol see it as a blessing..every cloud has a silver lining

    • @stxrynn
      @stxrynn Před rokem +13

      Right there with you Little Rose. Perfect timing for me, too. Just going through the loss of a 40 year marriage. I'd bden her mister since I was 19. And the finality was / is crushing at times. Learning to decouple from that lost relationship is the near objective. Working that out into other areas is the long term goal. I sure hope you are doing okay now.

    • @tovarisch3039
      @tovarisch3039 Před rokem +10

      @@stxrynn 40 years!!!!? Who in their right mind throws a 40 year relationship away?

  • @codyhenrichs9699
    @codyhenrichs9699 Před 8 měsíci +55

    I have dealt with great tragedies in my life. The longest was trying to find my daughter who had been abducted by my husband when she was 3 1/2 after he beat me and tried to kill me in 1982. With help from a good friend I realized I had control over how I reacted or the actions I take in any given situation. I focused on what I had and was grateful for such. I needed to be strong and prepared to be the mother my daughter needs when I found her. It took 21 years and 4 months to find my daughter.

    • @midnightsplusnoonsis730LEO
      @midnightsplusnoonsis730LEO Před 5 měsíci +5

      I can relate.
      My ex~wife kidnapped our daughter ... moved thousands of miles away ... and alienated her from her entire paternal side of the family tree for 13 years. Zero contact. Police did nothing. Even though they state that 'parental alienation' is a crime.
      Stay 'strong' and good 🌅🤙

    • @lauren4434
      @lauren4434 Před 4 měsíci +1

      God bless you....

  • @jimlong2469
    @jimlong2469 Před rokem +27

    This guy is a genius.
    I've thought some these thoughts in a jumbled sort of way but he lines it up perfectly and concisely.

  • @JUPITER11119
    @JUPITER11119 Před 10 měsíci +138

    This channel is the most enlightened psychology I've ever come across. I've always felt that in the future, there will be no psychologists, only spiritual teachers. The two will converge. This feels like the beginning of that.

    • @ivanpetricevic3893
      @ivanpetricevic3893 Před 10 měsíci +4

      I couldn't said it better myself. Beautiful.

    • @gabriellewhalley1328
      @gabriellewhalley1328 Před 9 měsíci

      ​@@ivanpetricevic3893to me his eyes have a similar appearance as what clairvoyants do. Perhaps it's a look of consciousness.

    • @devika_25
      @devika_25 Před 9 měsíci

      Agree with you.

    • @tallywave25
      @tallywave25 Před 9 měsíci +4

      I don’t know because a Christian psychologist will be way different than a Hindu psychologist and an atheist psychologist. I mean they already have religious psychologists so I guess it’s already like that

    • @ivanivan5511
      @ivanivan5511 Před 8 měsíci +2

      The man is brilliant

  • @christinegeltner9729
    @christinegeltner9729 Před rokem +173

    This was really the most insightful video I've heard in a long time. We define ourselves by material things, jobs, wealth, poverty, and people. These are not who we are, merely trappings. Thanks for this golden nugget of advice. So valuable.

    • @constantchange1145
      @constantchange1145 Před rokem +9

      Those are all external material things, but it takes serious introspective meditation to actually experience/observe the mind identifying with not only external things, but also internal and equally impermanent and essenceless things. Like thoughts, sensations, reactions and feelings. The definition of suffering. And directly experiencing them through sustained and correct onservation practices are the only way to allow the mind to break free of the habits of identification. Seeing behind the curtain breaks the illusion not just hearing about it, and seeing takes a lot of work and sitting with suffering in order to understand it. Which at first makes it feel like its magnifying the suffering, hence why most spend their whole life avoiding this essential work.
      May all beings be free from Suffering.

    • @rayrwyr
      @rayrwyr Před rokem +8

      This false attachment of posessions with identity is the source of human sufferings. That is one of the core teachings of Hindusim and Buddism.

    • @hansscheltema3348
      @hansscheltema3348 Před 10 měsíci

      So true... Hyper consumerism is the dearth of US society

    • @freisein6554
      @freisein6554 Před 4 měsíci

      Buddha 😊🙏🏻✨

  • @volkerw.
    @volkerw. Před 3 měsíci +24

    Sounds a lot like stoicism, or am i wrong?

  • @PharmacyTechLabs
    @PharmacyTechLabs Před rokem +88

    There are lots of people who sum up their whole identiy with politics, religion etc. From the time I was a little girl, it become clear to me that i'm nothing but pure consciousness ever eternal. But I do want to enjoy my body and the physically world while i'm in it. Haha!

    • @psychacks
      @psychacks  Před rokem +23

      An insight from Maria Elena!

    • @meerkat1954
      @meerkat1954 Před rokem +4

      You do realize that your statement about pure consciousness is itself a religious statement/assertion. Which in turn has intrinsic political overtones. Just saying the obvious.

    • @PharmacyTechLabs
      @PharmacyTechLabs Před rokem +9

      @meerkat1954 No, because I'm not saying their is a God. I'm saying that regardless of anyone belief system, this is the nature of things.

    • @richardw3347
      @richardw3347 Před rokem +5

      @@meerkat1954 consciousness can be spiritual and not just based in religion. I find religion to be more dogmatic and not so free flowing, consciousness is just awareness and can be applied and used towards anything.

    • @PolishBehemoth
      @PolishBehemoth Před rokem +2

      ​@@PharmacyTechLabs you do realize statimg thwre is a God can also be the nature of things right? Your statement asaumes that God or the idea of God is not natural.

  • @Joonzi
    @Joonzi Před rokem +5

    Now I finally understand what I’m not, but I still don’t quite understand what I am..

  • @qbraun9241
    @qbraun9241 Před rokem +7

    I see this in my corporate life. You get people who become their job and title. Then they get depressed the day they get laid off, and they can no longer be that person they loved.

  • @josephsgroi4474
    @josephsgroi4474 Před 10 měsíci +28

    Definitely a huge message. I always knew I would loose my good looks and body if I lived long enough. And I lived long enough. What a horribly shallow thing to miss so terribly. (Probably a symptom of our shallow society). I only knew my grandparents in their old age and alway thought of them as beautiful, because they were beautiful people inside. This definitely helped.

  • @craig6t
    @craig6t Před rokem +19

    "...they inappropriately identify with external reality." Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. This is exactly what the great spiritual traditions have been saying all along. It's good to see that a psychologist understands this. Identity is not just in the material world, but it's grounded in the spiritual non-physical world as well.

    • @SisypheanRoller
      @SisypheanRoller Před 10 měsíci +1

      What do you mean by "non-physical world"?

    • @wesleywallace4426
      @wesleywallace4426 Před 5 měsíci

      @@SisypheanRoller If someone called you a giraffe you wouldn't be insulted because you know in your heart, in your non-physical world, you are not a giraffe. The goal is to feel indifferent towards any demeaning comment about you.

  • @gauravthadanii
    @gauravthadanii Před 10 měsíci +7

    this man is incredibly open-minded.

  • @GumbyTheGreen1
    @GumbyTheGreen1 Před měsícem +2

    To take this even farther, it’s possible to disidentify from who you think you are - to see through the whole idea that there’s a you at all who could have anything or be anyone.

  • @kentbristol948
    @kentbristol948 Před rokem +4

    When I retired I noticed an almost instantaneous change from "There`s our city manager" (my job), to "There's Duncan (my dog) and that fat old guy who walks him".

    • @tonkabeanpumpkin-fh4fz
      @tonkabeanpumpkin-fh4fz Před 3 měsíci

      I appreciate this comment. I left the department I had worked in for 12 years (at a university, on staff,) and took a different position on campus. In that old department I had worn many hats and had sort of "run the place," although I didn't have the title of the person who (with much propping up...) ostensibly ran the place. (I know that sounds snarky. I'm sorry!) Returning to my old department after a couple of years just to say hi to some folks, I saw that many former colleagues had also moved on and been replaced by younger folks. As I walked in the hall, I realized that these young people weren't thinking, "Wow. That's so-and-so. She handled _everything_ here." It was more like, "Who is that old lady wandering in the halls, and should we call security?" 😂 So, to be a little less anecdotal, I have learned that our "identities" can easily slip away, leaving only the essence of our true being. ...It was nice that several professors would tell me, even years later, that the department missed me and all the work I did there.
      Cheers to Duncan and to you!

  • @MolesPerLiter
    @MolesPerLiter Před rokem +2

    The is the most important advice I have ever gotten in my life. It has done more for me than years of psychotherapy and antidepressants.

  • @macumezahn
    @macumezahn Před rokem +10

    Sorry this is long folks...My first lesson was in OCS. They mentally break you down, over and over again, using fatigue and little sleep. (I can honestly say I hallucinated on the 4th day of sleep deprivation). OCS is different from regular basic or other schools, because they can do WHATEVER they want to you! There are no real rules except, not to kill you. I came out of that experience mentally hard as a rock. Secondly I worked in a jail. Convicts will do and say anything to get your attention, you learn to let things roll right off your back. I also learned that institutional "rules" or codes really don't matter in the end. If they want to hire someone, contract someone or assign you double workloads, they can do it...that also means that when people tell you NO, that is not correct. THERE IS ALWAYS AN ALTERNATIVE! They just don't have a reason or the motivation to respond to your request. I've seen administrators literally move mountains to make something happen when properly motivated (usually allowing them to think that they will get credit for something big/innovative while you have the hidden evidence in your email that it was all you...:).
    Later when I divorced, my ex-wife knew me well (I'm a psychologist also), and she knew EXACTLY which triggers and buttons to push to get me to say or behave (likely for the purpose of secretly recording me during the divorce and custody actions). My very wise lawyer, pointed out that ANYTHING my ex said, was not necessarily what the law and the judge would agree with. The only reason that I "reflexively" listened to her was because we were partners for 10+ years). My ex's opinion (and ability to trigger me) went right out the window.
    I learned to respond with three things to EVERYONE PROBLEMATIC IN LIFE!!!.
    1. IF it may have merit..."I'll have to carefully consider that and get back to you."
    2. You definitely don't agree..."I'm afraid I don't agree and we'll have to have that decided by a neutral party", and
    3. If its nasty and you simply want to drive them INSANE!..."I'm not sure what to think of that...hmm." (stare as if they are speaking another language.) I truly found that by providing a non-answer to an adversary leaves them speechless, and since they didn't get the response they wanted, they become frustrated themselves. Since you don't respond either positively or negatively they will eventually obsess about your thoughts, intentions and purposes. I found they will attempt to PROJECT whatever "pre-framed" ideas they had onto your answers...without you saying another word.
    Sorry this is so long. Just had my share of nasty people in my life and I had to come to peace with how I dealt with them. I am the rock in the stream and I let trivial things flow around and past me until the disappear out of sight. Ask yourself, "will I really care about this in five years?"
    ***Orion...I love your work. if you'd like to confer/discuss sometime as professionals (APA and toxic masculinity??) leave a reply to this comment and I will contact you through our professional channels and use linked-in. I'm a CA. psychologist also, I'm sure I can find you via our associations. I also work with mostly male adults. AS you know, I have to use a pseudonym to avoid being Doxxed as a professional male in today's atmosphere. Thanks for being brave.

  • @Qwerty-yp4em
    @Qwerty-yp4em Před rokem +9

    I read something similar in a Buddhist book. It was said that since everything changes with time, clinging to a fixed image will only lead to unnecessary pain.
    Nice to see something similar on the psychology channel.

  • @idlehourlinda6476
    @idlehourlinda6476 Před rokem +58

    What you said about holding these things lightly, not clinging and grasping to desperately hold on really resonated with me. We must learn to gracefully surrender to the inevitable losses of life but remain grateful for our true essence, the only thing we can never truly lose.

    • @BUBBLESPOGO
      @BUBBLESPOGO Před 10 měsíci

      Yes. These losses lead up to the inevitable, death.

  • @reezndukwe9339
    @reezndukwe9339 Před rokem +10

    This concept of deidentification is the basis of stoicism. Thanks for the explanation Dr.

  • @Materialworld4
    @Materialworld4 Před rokem +69

    This video is a snapshot of my life over the past 6 years, and you nailed it again Doctor. I lost everything, attempted suicide twice, 1st on April 8, 2019, and again on October 30, 2020, awoke at 4:20 the next morning and said aloud softly, how I am still here? Voluntarily committed myself to a 10 day Psyche Evaluation on November 3, 2020, and was put on 50mg of Sertraline. lived in a garage for 11 months, froze at night, but revolutionized and rehabilitated my creative ability in Photoshop after working on extremely high end advertising digital campaigns, and Fortune 500 Annual Reports since 1983. Now that my personal torturers, my father, my two older brothers, my ex-wife, and her oil commodities brother from Texas were all out of my life forever, I rebounded and ascended dramatically. You are not your things, your reputation, your wealth, or your social media coverage, but who you are at the core of your being. The people that helped me ascend back into being a creative juggernaut were my fellow felon inmates, drug dealers, drug users, thieves, child support law breakers, and detention officers, probation officers, definitely not what one would expect. By Doctor they gave me respect, kindness, friendship, affirmation, and dignity that my own wealthy family, and my ex-wife's family ruthlessly and emotionally tortured from me for 65 years. Both highly religious families detested my drive, intellect, incredible creative ability because I was driven form the age of 4 to be extraordinary, and not just a median go along to get along Christian. to both families eviscerated by the Great Depression and made wholly dysfunctional, to aspire to be the best, surpassed by no one was a mortal sin, and they could not torture that out of me. so now 8 days into my 70 year I am doing the best, most creative, and trailblazing work of my entire life. So yes, if those around you can't take from your core, the things that can not be taken away by anyone, you can become indestructible. Now this next point is critical, kindness, thoughtfulness, empathy, and respect for all empowers me in ways you would find hard to imagine. I have found that for me personally, there is a direct Karmic link between breakthroughs in creativity, knowledge, and deep historical insights and the concepts of equanimity, and thoughtfulness that can not be overstated. You Sir are Brilliant, and I appreciate what you are doing more than you will ever know, you're that good. A word to the wise, live in equanimity, and thoughtfulness all your days.

    • @psychacks
      @psychacks  Před rokem +18

      That is an amazing story. Thanks for sharing.

    • @ExperimentalDisposition
      @ExperimentalDisposition Před rokem

      Vipassana?

    • @RedEyeification
      @RedEyeification Před rokem +3

      I understand you very well.I have the same life.Everything was taken from me by my"loving family".An advice for young generations : Never ever trust your parents,family or wife.This is the route to hell.

    • @justin78517
      @justin78517 Před 11 měsíci

      Woah thanks for sharing this

    • @BUBBLESPOGO
      @BUBBLESPOGO Před 10 měsíci +1

      ​@@RedEyeificationyes. There is a scripture in the Bible that stated in a time of judgment, not to even trust the beloved wife of your bosom, mother father, chikdren. Neighbors. 2 Timothy 3;1-5.
      All people are sinners and are capable of treacherous behavior
      Religion doesn't stop that. It's what is in the heart.

  • @RaceTheAce77
    @RaceTheAce77 Před rokem +7

    “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

    • @lamarkwilkins6428
      @lamarkwilkins6428 Před rokem

      This is from one of my favorite books, Man’s search for meaning.

    • @someguyusa
      @someguyusa Před rokem +1

      Even that ability to choose is dependent on brain function, chemical, hormone, and neurotransmitter availability, etc..
      I'm not sure how to reconcile choice with biology.

    • @huveja9799
      @huveja9799 Před rokem +1

      @@someguyusa Well, in its definitive form that's true, being alive or dead is a matter of biology, let's say that if one dies, one ceases to be (at least that's what seems to happen) .. the problem with using that frame, that is, analyzing how to live our life from that perspective, is that it leads, from my perspective, to a fatalism that ultimately leads to nihilism .. what is most important, at least to me, is how we live our life while we are ..
      Empirically, through the trials and errors of our countless ancestors, it was found that the best way to live is by cultivating our agency (agency: purposeful self-control, a purpose over which we also have control) ..
      The different traditions reflect that, but the one that shows it most clearly to me (even though I am a Christian), is the Buddhist one .. in that tradition, suffering (Dukkha) is a consequence of losing our agency .. and all of us, to a greater or lesser extent, are able to train ourselves (for example by practicing contemplative meditation, or contemplative practices) in order to achieve, as far as possible, that agency ..
      Of course, if I suffer a stroke tomorrow, I won't have the same skills as today, but those skills that I have left will be my tools to continue cultivating my agency .. that is, as long as I am, there will always be something left of me that will give me, if I use it, the possibility of cultivating my agency (the Free Will of Christians) .. and when there is nothing left of who I am, either by death or a total degeneration (for example biological, such as Alzheimer's, total insanity, etc.), well, in that case I am no longer, why worry?
      I would recommend you to watch in YT the series "Awakening from the Meaning Crisis" from the Professor John Vervaeke, it is wonderful.

    • @someguyusa
      @someguyusa Před rokem

      @@huveja9799 Thank you for the thoughtful response. I used to struggle with nihilism a lot, especially post military initially. Now I have a better perspective that is similar to what you described.
      That said, when considering how free will or choice works with biological systems, I’m still not sure how to parse it out. Practically speaking it’s not a big deal for my day to day, but when we look at things on a societal level or when making laws, then I think it’s more important for the sake of finding the most fair policies and actions. Good talk, friend.

    • @huveja9799
      @huveja9799 Před rokem

      @@someguyusa I am very glad that my comment has served you, when I read your comment, I saw a reflection of myself but a few years younger, where I had the same kind of thoughts as you, although I had not gone through the military experience (which is close to me by family and friends, but I do not have direct experience).
      Science is a wonderful tool, but at the same time, misused, it can do a lot of harm, and part of that misuse is trying to use Science as a mechanism to provide meaning to our life. It is true that it can inform the tools we use to try to live a meaningful life, but it is not capable of providing meaning, and like it or not, we need meaning as much as we need bread (I suspect that's what Christ meant when he told us that "man does not live by bread alone").
      Now the only way to acquire that meaning is through practice (and the discipline necessary for that practice), it is impossible to acquire it in a theoretical way, that's what I learned (to my initial surprise), once I started practicing, my mind was transforming, slowly (don't expect anything miraculous because it's a chain of thousands of small successive steps), but undoubtedly changing.
      Of course, I didn't achieve that alone either, I was lucky enough to find a context that gave me the necessary support to grow the necessary forces, which admittedly were in me but nevertheless needed the external "rain" to sprout them.
      I guess that's what we have to "preach" in society (please, don't take "preaching" literally, I already told you that I'm a Christian and I practice it, but I usually recommend contemplative practices with a good teacher), that people must take responsibility for their lives and focus their attention on how to live that life.
      That's why I'm sharing this with you, because I know it works, and when I read your words, I see myself ..

  • @shyamalidasgupta671
    @shyamalidasgupta671 Před rokem +30

    Thank you. 🙏🏻This acceptance is an integral part of aging & maturing. I am learning to accept & let go of that which will be gone with time anyway , and it has made me somewhat more patient, somewhat less anxious , and somewhat more accepting of shortcomings in others , as I am coming face to face with my increasingly longer list of limitations, that come inevitably with age.

    • @psychacks
      @psychacks  Před rokem +8

      Well said. Thank you for sharing.

  • @kingbee1971
    @kingbee1971 Před rokem +18

    After a terrible event in my life I felt emotionally trapped in the memory of it. The moment played on a loop in my head for months on end and I couldn't escape. It was hell. Then I found a great therapist who educated me on deidentification and EMDR. He helped me to break free of the ugly emotional cycle. Now the terrible moment is simply part of my past but doesn't define me at all. There is no emotional trigger. I am forever grateful. Life is beautiful.

    • @BUBBLESPOGO
      @BUBBLESPOGO Před 10 měsíci

      Can u tell me what EMDR stands for.

    • @md82892
      @md82892 Před 5 dny

      @@BUBBLESPOGO What is EMDR therapy? Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a mental health treatment technique. This method involves moving your eyes a specific way while you process traumatic memories. EMDR's goal is to help you heal from trauma or other distressing life experiences

  • @MarceloHenriqueAlmeida
    @MarceloHenriqueAlmeida Před rokem +20

    As a Brazilian I was informed that I should be watching Brazil play at the World Cup, but instead I’m here watching Dr. Taraban’s video. That is a true goal. And I’m probably gonna be deported to Argentina after that… lol

    • @mankrip-
      @mankrip- Před měsícem

      Eu nem sabia que a Copa é esse ano.

  • @jacek537
    @jacek537 Před rokem +3

    Feel it. For a long time i identified with my job: I "am a webdesigner". Everytime there was a problem with my work, I made that problem to a problem "I had", to a problem that "I am" This got even to the point of me having panik attacks everytime something needed to be changed (which is normal in my job). I though, that "I" messed up. But then I started to think "I am not a webdesigner, I just do webdesign". Its not what I am, its what I just do. And my reaction to the same sh*t got waaay smaller. So thank you for expaining it in other words. It all makes sense.

  • @wacawaca3
    @wacawaca3 Před 17 dny

    Did you read some perennialism before doing this?
    This is by far the most spiritual advise you have given, even if you are presenting it in a secular way.
    You are not your ego (your external self, your status and phenomenological circumstances), you’re the conscience that observes that ego.
    Culturaly, the identification with the ego and the materialism it has produced, has played a big role since the Protestant reformation and in the creation of modernity. That’s part of the reason why for us modern men it’s extremely difficult to actually put in practice this advise.
    Religiously, this is one of the core ideas in most religions: You’re an incarnated soul, but you are way more than the incarnated experience, so you should save your soul first, then the other things will come along. “Seek first the kingdom of god... “
    Thanks for this, man. Your work is gold.

  • @janesolis5028
    @janesolis5028 Před 6 měsíci +3

    I bet you've won best essay at least once in your student life. 😂 Your analogies are so vivid and apt. Your ideas are on point. Bravo!

  • @anjalijha6913
    @anjalijha6913 Před rokem +19

    Love your channel.. Blend of psychology & philosophy 😊

  • @DanielClementYoga
    @DanielClementYoga Před rokem +4

    Through introspection into the working of one's own mind, it becomes apparent we are not even the authors of "our" own thoughts. Ultimately, you could say what we are at the fundamental level is not a thing, but a pattern - like the word "whirlpool". When the water stops moving, the whirlpool disappears. A whirlpool is a pattern, not a thing. If I can be ok with that, then I am really indestructible. Thank you!

  • @georgiapeach4678
    @georgiapeach4678 Před rokem +5

    Thank you for this deep insight❤️ I’ve been on a journey of self discovery and self love for about a year, and one thing I remind myself of is to let go of resentment. It goes in line with what your saying to appreciate what you have and treat things lightly. Awesome video!

  • @jeanvanheerden5064
    @jeanvanheerden5064 Před rokem +5

    Thank you. This might be my biggest problem in my life and have caused me incredible psychological pain as I have identified completely with my job and marriage to the extent that any slight to that will become an enormous personal attack. You are 100% right and I will have to start the process of de-identifying with that. Not sure how but I will have to start and succeed or it will destroy me. Thanks again for the enormous insight.

  • @tristanjones4318
    @tristanjones4318 Před 11 měsíci +3

    Very well said and so absolutely true! The whole of life becomes an act of letting go. The important thing is go with the flow when its time.

  • @user-qt3ms8zs6j
    @user-qt3ms8zs6j Před rokem +10

    So much value in all your videos

  • @neiladlerart2493
    @neiladlerart2493 Před rokem +3

    This is so appropriate for my life right now. I appreciate. The way you explain the topics you cover.

  • @xxChacaronXX
    @xxChacaronXX Před rokem +1

    “All of life is suffering. We suffer because we have attachments” - Buddha

  • @gregadler8628
    @gregadler8628 Před rokem +4

    These videos are so good. Very insightful and present a new perspective. Highly recommend

  • @asifchoudhuryca
    @asifchoudhuryca Před rokem +2

    This is a unique and simple way to reframe our way of seeing ourselves. Thanks a bunch.

  • @illiterateno2
    @illiterateno2 Před rokem +1

    This is one of the most important videos I've ever seen. Very well done! Thank you, sir!

  • @moerpphaayy
    @moerpphaayy Před rokem

    this is your best video bro. this is how you achieve complete resilience in a chaotic world. It's the most amazing feeling in life

  • @dear5480
    @dear5480 Před rokem

    I am listening to you since one week and it's really helpful in understanding basic human phychology and a lot more things which I didn't understand earlier... Thanks for making these videos ❤

  • @bobjohnson7020
    @bobjohnson7020 Před rokem

    Thank you. I've been losing those things. I needed to hear this.

  • @Senshudan
    @Senshudan Před rokem +1

    This is the path to enlightenment. Careful reflection (meditation) will show that these things (inner parts you identify with - inner voice etc.) do not have any real existence. There is only consciousness.

    • @tonkabeanpumpkin-fh4fz
      @tonkabeanpumpkin-fh4fz Před 3 měsíci

      Yes. In spite of my previous somewhat querulous comment, 😇 with this I do agree. I believe the presentation being in the "lingo" of stoicism threw me off. I believe, also, we were born to chase happiness in one way or another, whether we do it by seeking status and reassurance in the "material" world or by seeking detachment and a sense of being pure consciousness.

  • @constantchange1145
    @constantchange1145 Před rokem +13

    The kind of 'unidentification' (Liberation) you're talking about here doesn't tend to happen without undertaking serious and at first very challenging introspective self observation techniques. May all beings find their own true path to discovering the ultimate truths of their suffering and be free of it 🌳💜

  • @SteveOnTheEastCoast
    @SteveOnTheEastCoast Před 6 měsíci +1

    This is the aspect of FIGHT CLUB (book/film) that resonated so much with me as a young man.
    DE-identifying with societal constructs that bind us to what Nietche described as slave morality.

  • @gkgunn53
    @gkgunn53 Před rokem +1

    This is really good stuff. This feels like it could tie to road rage in ones life. Perhaps an in depth video on that subject should help save someone from themselves. Yours is my new favorite channel. Thank you!

  • @knwbdy7876
    @knwbdy7876 Před 10 měsíci +1

    An interesting idea I hadn't considered before. There are a handful of things that immediately spring to mind when I think of examples of things I have or things I do that I identify with. Food for thought, thanks for this.

  • @HettiedeKorteDiplomaat
    @HettiedeKorteDiplomaat Před 5 měsíci +1

    When I get upset about anything, getting older, people calling me grandma or other rude stuff, I say to myself: 'It's just my ego talking.' Sometimes when people get very sick they say: 'Why me?'. Why not? It's just your ego talking. So I turn off my ego. It really works.

  • @citizenearth71
    @citizenearth71 Před rokem +3

    Your approach is so logical! Amazing!

  • @hyperchaotix32x
    @hyperchaotix32x Před 10 měsíci +2

    This is certainly a stoicism frame of mind/thinking. Great message and lesson. Thank you!

  • @stevesetzer3361
    @stevesetzer3361 Před rokem +3

    Wow... you are a gifted communicator. thank you for your videos. They are incredibly helpful in my life

  • @wei586
    @wei586 Před 10 měsíci

    I really like this one, it allowed me to detach a lot of the worldly things I have and separate myself from it. The mailbox concept really hit it home so nice one, keep it up

  • @j.paulina244
    @j.paulina244 Před rokem +1

    Humility, smart intelligence, power, care ,this man is admirable... thank you.

  • @barretskuthorpe3735
    @barretskuthorpe3735 Před rokem +1

    Supremely wise advice. Thank you!

  • @quietmind2502
    @quietmind2502 Před rokem +1

    Hi Dr. Yes thank you for this video, I absolutely agree. I discovered this over a year ago and it really does work. “The moment you identify with what you are not, you will not be able to stop your thought process”. - Anonymous.

  • @smangizy
    @smangizy Před 10 měsíci +4

    Great video, thanks brother. Reminds me of this great piece of advice; never attach your identity or self worth to anything you have or want. Being smart, funny, rich, good looking, etc all are fleeting and transient, instead focus on the the fact that you are the observer and the learner. Being able to take this moment in and reflect on it, learn from it, and then make changes to your life as you see fit. always learning, always growing. As Navy Seals say, never out of the fight.

  • @jonvladimirtsev3002
    @jonvladimirtsev3002 Před 8 měsíci

    Your most insightful short I've encountered, thank you 🙏💙

  • @Blinkeebill
    @Blinkeebill Před 6 měsíci +1

    Orion, I think this is the best video you’ve made. Thank you very much.

  • @Dolaposule
    @Dolaposule Před rokem +1

    This was a A1 from start to finish. Earned a subscriber Doc

  • @terenceboris851
    @terenceboris851 Před rokem +2

    I subconsciously did this very thing over the last few years. Somehow I shed my old skin for a new one, transforming into a simpler being. Letting go of ego. Letting go.

  • @mcjsrn
    @mcjsrn Před 10 měsíci +1

    Your content is very valuable to me. It's rich in applicable wisdom. I'm so pleased to have found your channel. Thank you for what you provide.

  • @FairladyS130
    @FairladyS130 Před rokem +6

    Excellent! Something like that has been rattling around in my head for a while, particularly how so many people get upset about what someone says on social media. They apparently have some sort of identification with a concept then someone else disrespects that concept and it's taken personally. Also it annoys me that when you are trying to get something across to someone they take it personally, they don't disassociate themselves from it. It's so prevalent. Another point concerns attractive women who take their attractiveness as part of who they are, once they get older and loose that attractiveness where are they?

  • @fox_trot
    @fox_trot Před 3 měsíci

    Why is this guy so underrated? He is truly a good source of information, on his niech. Thanks man. Maybe you are not underrated and maybe I just felt that way. But you have my respect and trust. Long live.

  • @1975normal
    @1975normal Před 7 měsíci +2

    A hard thing to teach to a materialist world full of mailboxes.
    Thank you 🙏

  • @LeonVanDyk
    @LeonVanDyk Před rokem

    Yes, very comforting in a way.

  • @AK-gg9rn
    @AK-gg9rn Před 8 měsíci

    Wow, i went through it just by myself when i've had hard times 2 years ago, thanks Doc for reconfirming my thoughts and practice! It works!

  • @STREEEEEET
    @STREEEEEET Před rokem +1

    When happiness is your ultimate goal in life, you'll fail, you'll fall, you'll suffer tremendously and unnecessarily.

  • @YoYo-gt5iq
    @YoYo-gt5iq Před 3 měsíci

    Sharing this with my 12 yo daughter. She asked me a question the other day, and this video is the answer.

  • @tiberiujinga6553
    @tiberiujinga6553 Před měsícem

    One of the best videos on the channel! Thank you!
    I really appreciate touching such a profound and important issue!

  • @Xi_Jinping_CCP
    @Xi_Jinping_CCP Před rokem +3

    Your every video teaches something new. Thank you for giving this information

  • @DaveCollins123
    @DaveCollins123 Před rokem

    A great explanation of the wisdom of Epictetus' dichotomy of control -linking identity to what you can control, which is in reality very little. The Inner Citadel therefore is to identify only with what you can actually control because that is what you truly are...

  • @azineox9633
    @azineox9633 Před 9 měsíci

    Doc that piece of advice may just well be your best one so far!

  • @abdalrahmanmahmoud9209
    @abdalrahmanmahmoud9209 Před 10 měsíci

    Wow,
    What can I say, My heart is open now
    Please keep on what you are doing which is very honest and direct.
    We need healing not comfroting words with out any ability to change people
    👍🙂

  • @bluephoenix8470
    @bluephoenix8470 Před 10 měsíci +2

    Instead of a mailbox, it is your child. Instead of anger it is grief. How indestructible are you now?

  • @raoulberret3024
    @raoulberret3024 Před rokem

    Thank you for this very important lesson/reminder!

  • @mikejohnson2098
    @mikejohnson2098 Před 4 měsíci

    This video is truly a gem.

  • @lovelinessy
    @lovelinessy Před 9 měsíci

    Thank you so much for this. It's so very helpful to hear.

  • @klloyd3530
    @klloyd3530 Před 4 měsíci

    Pure Stoicism!! I love it! Just this morning I was speaking with a friend and told her, “ In a very real sense I feel invulnerable. Someone can certainly harm me, But they cannot hurt me.”

  • @KC-lg8qf
    @KC-lg8qf Před rokem +1

    Outstanding content as usual.

  • @evedelgado2345
    @evedelgado2345 Před rokem +6

    You're awesome! I've been watching your videos for some weeks now and I admire how you explain things. Thank you for your service.

  • @ralphcurrie3576
    @ralphcurrie3576 Před 9 měsíci

    Boy lots of wisdom there at such a young age, knowing the human condition that well. Keep it truthful, blessings

  • @menorcaventura3442
    @menorcaventura3442 Před rokem +2

    Learn to accept the things you cannot change, and change the things that you can. I recently went through a hard breakup with a woman who seemed like the one but turned out to be toxic. Saddened by this, I wrote down what I could change and what I could not in my current circumstances. Less than a month later, I was hired by a great company to do what I love, and doubled my income.

  • @chrismay2298
    @chrismay2298 Před 6 měsíci

    This really helps me with the process of my eyes and hands failing me after 32 years if type 1 diabetes. I've always been known as the guy who can make or fix anything and separating myself from that identification is quite a wrestling match. Thanks.

  • @laremi3577
    @laremi3577 Před 5 měsíci

    This is how i live since over 22 years, thank you for confirming that i'm doing the right thing.

  • @2Oldcoots
    @2Oldcoots Před 9 měsíci

    So precise that it's gorgeous. Thank You Sir. I live this way and concur with your conclusions.

  • @cedricbillingsley3960
    @cedricbillingsley3960 Před 4 měsíci

    Thanks! Keep speaking this wisdom. Your reputation will grow, but ultimately the truth of who you really are is all that actually matters.

  • @Lifelover158
    @Lifelover158 Před 6 měsíci

    Great advice! Succinctly shared. May the truth of who you are set you free from sufferings.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Před 6 měsíci

      Actually bullshit. Poor people suffer the most. Its easy to take away their tools for make living and they just die due the cold and hunger.

  • @wellthisoneistemporary.3953
    @wellthisoneistemporary.3953 Před 11 měsíci

    Amazing. Thank you brother. Keep sharing such gems.

  • @phatphil7836
    @phatphil7836 Před rokem

    That was one of the most brilliant things I've ever heard.

  • @kakudmi
    @kakudmi Před rokem

    Best instruction in the known universe. The Vedas begin with this.
    Thank you!

  • @jamespurvis1990
    @jamespurvis1990 Před 4 měsíci

    Doc, that was amazing! I was having a mental day and that message got me back focused! Thank u

  • @user-vz3wi6hm9t
    @user-vz3wi6hm9t Před 11 měsíci

    Greatb segment! Thank you!