Most MEN ARE WALLPAPER: stand out or the world will pass you by
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- čas přidán 5. 06. 2024
- The biggest risk a man can take is not taking a risk. If a man does not stand out, the world will pass him by. This is because, if a man is indistinguishable from his environment, then he is functionally wallpaper: field not focus. Once of the easiest ways a man can stand out is in his visual presentation, which he can think of as his branding. In this episode, I will walk you through several examples of male dating archetypes from an unlikely source (see below).
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#men #dating #style
One of the reasons it’s so dangerous for single mothers raising adolescent boys and young men is that it never dawns on mothers that society is going to treat their sons differently than their daughters, and they raise them as such. It never dawns on a mother that no one besides her is ever going to give a rats about her sons suffering.
Barz !!!
My neighbor is a perfect example of this. Helicopter mom/son failed to launch.
@@lesterdiamond6190 yep. Mothers will take care of sons, keep them safe and secure, and treat them exactly like they want to be treated. Problem is he’s a man, and a man who sees the world like a woman is going to live an absolutely miserable existence.
@@strategic1710 you said it man. This kid is fat, broke and depressed. His old man was a tradesman, but he didn't take a trade or go to Uni. When I was his age I had already been married for almost ten years, had my own home and a good job. But in fairness it was a completely different job market and social atmosphere. I met a girl on a train and we got married 8 months later. Social media has completely changed the game for the regular guys out there. I feel sorry for these young guys. We all know the stats.
Boys have to be raised to be resilient, work hard, earn the things they want, and do basic car and home maintenance and repair. Otherwise they will not grow into men: protectors and providers.
"The biggest risk in a man's life is not taking a risk"
That's deep
That worked out really well for the Titan submersible
Nah, the biggest risk in a man's life is associating with girls.
@@lltoon There's a big difference improving one's look than going to the bottom of an ocean.
@@lltoon we all die, they will be remembered
Fortune cookie wisdom, at best
"most men lead lives of quiet desperation" -H.D. Thoreau
Always been the case; it is a modern problem that those men can no longer get married on average.
I have 3 older sisters and a huge insight to me was, I don’t have the luxury of being careless or not doing somthing because “I didn’t want to”. When they get in a huge bind, it AMAZES me how many people will come to aid. My parents, there friends, there co workers and hell somtimes people they don’t know. If i did the same shit they did nobody would give me the time of fucking day. It fascinates me how the male/ female dynamic is looked at by society. If I have mental illness, depression and made terrible financial decisions the world would tell me to “cowboy up” with them, it’s all “Whoaa is me” “poor poor thing” gets alllllllllll kinds of help
And back patting.
Very true insight 🖌️
That’s when God is waiting to change you when you give it all to him.
Agreed as I have 4 sisters. The real kicker is the difference in awareness between men and women. Women are only able to see the world from their own perspective, and it doesn’t even dawn on them that men don’t get treated how they do.
Man up
Maybe your sisters are nicer people than you? Stop dripping.
In Canada, I was invisible. I went to China to teach English. Suddenly, women (beautiful, young women) were looking at me, saying “Hi” to me.
Shocking.
Aka geomaxxing
@@rougebaba3887 a similar thing happened to me in Suzhou. A group of about 20 attractive, young women wanted their picture with me.
I had people looking at me and taking pictures of me.
Why would I ever to come back here?!
It's all about being in the right environment!
@@Guildofarcanelore Is it still working out? A side note, the craziest shit I've been through in my life was with a Chinese girl
@@sircefiro I returned to Canada for a 10 day vacation during spring festival in 2020 and got trapped in Canada. I still have an apartments worth of stuff in storage, somewhere. Maybe.
That was my experience in 2020 and before so… four years on?
YMMV.
However, in the current political climate there are likely fewer western people but I’m not sure of their reception.
“Two things define you: Your patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything.”
- Imam Ali
That’s on my gym wall
@@stevejarosz8136 cool
Love that quote. Hadn't seen it before. Thanx.
@@etuitivemillionaire Wow. Thank you for that. I love Imam Ali. And I have started studying the Shia religion.
@@paulthomas281 shia isn’t a religion, it’s one of a subdivision of Islam and the other one is Sunni.
I like that you are wearing an extra nice shirt while discussing this topic. 😉
And brightly colored….like a peacock!
Shows he has no dress sense. With no skin or eye color, don't wear strong, dark colors like that. They make you look sick.
Yea , he did , an he also talks about stand out , if you are in an environment that everyone use nice shirts you might stand out wearing a t shirt that you like and express your hobbies or let any one see you are in shape
Huh😕
And before I listened to the video I thought “I have that same shirt”
All is vanity. The world may indeed pass you by, but this world is passing, and nothing can escape the cold edge of the reaper. Be a splendor in the eyes of your creator, not in the eyes of man, for man will not judge you and your works in the end.
Beautiful 💯
Vanitas vanitatum, omnia vanitas.
Amen
All true and good but I'd still like to find a nice lady and start a family.
facts. life gets a lot less complicated when you look at it this way.
The "men all wear nearly identical tuxedos while the women all dress extravagantly" thing began in the Victorian era, and it was EXPLICETLY so that the men's clothing wouldn't distract from the women's dresses. Prior to that historically, men's clothing was just as extravagant, at least in terms of cloth choice, as women's.
Thats so interesting !
Well said. Dating is marketing, and everyone needs to build a brand.
Rofl... such a modern problem. Most guys are never going to bother with that crap as it has always been in the past. If this is the destiny of mankind moving forward, then we are in for a rough ride.
Now I know some will jump and say that one was a doctor (brand), the other was a lawyer (brand) the other was a guitarist (brand). Even if the latter could approximate a "brand" the reality is that all these were down to the basics professions, not brands. What approximated a "brand" in the past would be the adoption of an ideology, e.g. being a communist or a fascist but still one needs to stretch it to call it a "brand" : these were just that, ideologies, even if there was any sexual drive behind adoption of a specific ideology (and sure there was).
The idea of "branding" rooted in the 60s, emerged in the 1980s and spread in the 90s and early 2000s but still even if we do talk of branding back then it was mostly linked to music and other artistic choices as well as to personal dressing styles, and all that mainly referring to youngsters. From there on it was just choice of career and political ideology. Branding as we know it today would be something that mostly artists and models did really, it did not concern the average man or woman. Branding-for-all-by-all started being a thing in the late 2000s with the rise, first, of Facebook. Back in 2010 it was the notorious (and much ahead of his time) Roosh V who first noted it and wrote an article noticing that while in the past you could be just you, and your job, say being a barber, today (i.e. in 2010) that was not enough. You had to build a brand not just around you but of you really. So you could not anymore just be just your neighbourhood's barber. You had to put money to embellish your barber shop and make it "trendy" and after doing so you had to build your own image, your own appearance accordingly, say leaving a crazy moustache or beard or something - back then it was the heyday of hipster-ism! LOL!. After doing that, you had to take artistic photos and disseminate them into the social media (back then Facebook and blogs). Mind you, in his example of the barber, Roosh V was not referring to a barber's professional advertising but rather to the barber's game/flirting strategy! I.e. what we know today as "personal branding". Building that persona. Branding turns people from personalities to personas.
And thus it became all about the brand of you. Women could not care less about meeting you, they care first and foremost about what you project on your social media. That is the first place they go to get an idea of you. So you have to either try hard to curate your online profile or just remain invisible. If you curate it and you pass womens' test then you become visible. Then their only concern is whether you live up to your profile or not (was that Lambo yours or you just sat on it to take a photo? LOL!). It is a sad state of affairs but down to the basics, women were always prone to fall for the image, e.g. the girls screening for the Beatles, 4 not so attractive young men, why? Just because they were "the Beatles", the brand.
Absurd, no. Women have made dating so miserable that we would literally rather go extinct
An ideal society is one where the wómen are actively seeking out the men. If there's no fear of poverty or ostracism, wómen won't bother.
He is absolutely spot on. Absolutely correct. I have a friend from New York who was stationed in California and he slayed so much. He also stood out like a sore thumb and didn’t give a fuck what people thought of him. I think if your seen as exotic you have an advantage
I very much agree, I am a boston / NYC business casual type and I now live in Phoenix where it is alarmingly casual all the time. Nice designer polo, fitted chinos / jeans, and designer shoes and you look miles better and get treated well. But in NYC / Boston if you had a great bod and did the phoenix look of athleisure you would stand out and show off the effort
"Mystery" from the book "The Game" called this peacocking. He's an old pick up artist.
Only if tastefully
Why I slayed in Massachusetts as a guy from NYC/NJ 😂
Yes. I’ve always worked out and stayed in shape and I play the part of “aloof and mysterious” very well.. these two things will make you very attractive in womens etes
If you're already someone who does a lot of things, likes to dress to impress, loves to spend money on vacations, and genuinely enjoys the company of modern women, then great you don't need any advice anyway.
If you feel the need to become these things just to put on a performance and attract the attention of someone who will only stay attracted to you as long as you keep up the performance... Then why actually bother in the first place?
No - don’t bother trying to attract someone who won’t accept your true self…. Learn to advertise your real character, so the right woman for you can see you, in the crowd of all the other men.
My thoughts exactly. Are women these days worth it?
It’s an excellent point, but you’re assuming women will love you for who you are. They won’t. They will love what you can do for them. And if they can’t show off your peacock feathers to her friends, she won’t be interested.
Not worth it and ain't got time for that. Got shit to do
Don't do it for them, do it for your own quality of life. Be smart enough to decide if a person should or shouldn't be in your life.
My wardrobe is completly black and grey.
This is food for thought.
the nail that stands out gets hammered down
You could equally say, that nail gets noticed. So, it all depends on how you stand out.
@@peaceonearth8693Good people get also the hammer as they are the sore thumb of bad people.
Risk it for the divorce court . Loosing kids , home , the list is endless
This is amazing. This trumps any of the "online dating tips" I've ever seen. They usually give generic tips that do not help. Like "post good pics", "show your personality", "stand out". Maybe to someone smarter than me those work, but my usual questions is "yes, but how?"
This actually makes so much sense as a man, because there is a visual example to pull from. That in itself makes it brilliant, but then being able to go into detail-layer by layer and you're able to go deep in "building a persona" of sorts that can be appealing to the other sex.
You're doing the lord's work, sir.
Most dating advice sux because it is given by hot people for other hot people. If you are good looking, then you already stand out, and any little tweak will probably help. If you are average, then the tips that work for hot people will not work for you.
@@randyg22152 your playing loosing game,
@@Im_Really_Jesus_4real your reply makes no sense
This is nothing new, pick-up artists of old like mistery already knew this, they called it "Peacocking."
This is actually some of the same advice "stand out" it just goes into why.
How did this switch happen?
Companies realized women were easier to market vanity products to.
LET'S GO BRANDING!
Make Men Great Again. 😂
trump paid a huge price for attacking E. Jean Carrol......hahaha
"They all work in tech, and do rock climbing as a hobby" 😂😂
or muy thai
This is so fucked up. Those ladies are basically complaining that there are too many solid choices to pick out a particular one... just pick any, every single one is probably going to be good enough.
@@Volkbrecht Not going to change, so accept it one way or another.
In my younger days that was me, run-of-the-mill tech guy. Got a job working in the Finance Sector as a software engineer where you have to wear a suit every day and it's very corporate. Totally different world when it comes to women. All the guys at the company were advising me to tell women you 'work in finance' so I did and it works but... here's the thing, as the good doctor points out it's false advertising... eventually they figured out I was a tech guy that ticked all the usual tech stereotypes not a fin guy.
@@VolkbrechtFrom my experience women don't find 'tech guys' attractive, they find money attractive plus you have to tick other boxes. Most Tech guys that pull girls are very good with their hands and can fix anything. So they tick the money and handy-guy box.
The comment about men having to take risks in life, or life will pass you by were some of the realest words I've ever heard, I think about that statement multiple times per week now, even catch myself saying that to others in hopes that they find as much truth and wisdom in it as I did
Being wall paper and being able to live in your own house and come and go as you please is a vast improvement over spending your days in prison at the hands of a women and a slanted court system. Think about it.
I have slept with a borderline disgusting amount of women in my life, with no problems. Back in the day, drugs and alcohol were in play while we had fun partying with no problems. I’ve lived with 8 different women with no problems. I have never had anything go down that makes me think along your lines. You are either living in a self imposed mental prison, or you do questionable things. You sound like “sour grapes” logic here. It is so easy to stay out of trouble with women, you almost have to try to screw it up.
Yes it is at this point in history.
Agreed on this
living quietly and unobtrusively is highly underrated.
Yes l agree.
In the end the race is with one's self.....
I notice this at weddings. The bride is the complete focus of the event, and her garments emphasize this.
The groom might as well be a cardboard cutout. During my own wedding, I got the impression that I could have skipped 90% of it and no one would have noticed!
That's because the wedding isn't about marriage, it's the woman's Disney Princess special day. That's the primary purpose of getting married as far as they're concerned. It isn't a day of equals. That's why I see the wedding serting the tone for the marriage - the husband is just the cutout character, the free servant, to support her time in the sun - her lifestyle - during the marriage. In my observation, it's men who don't stand out, don't stand for anything, and are the same as everyone else who women go for.
Took your advice
I’m now gay
That was popular 20 years ago. No one cares now.
🤣😂 That sure is a recognizable brand nowadays.
Are you gay for real now?
Spread it wide daddy’s feeling romantical 😎😈
The other day I had on a sweater, a vest, and a scarf with complimentary colors. My girlfriend and her friend lost their shit over how good they thought I looked. I didn't plan it as an outfit or anything, it was cold, I had them, and they kind of matched so I wore them. They went on and on about it for like 10 minutes. This stuff is a big deal to women and it only takes a little bit of effort to stand out a lot. Your competition isn't even trying.
This spoke to me
I have taken many risks that have taken me around the world but now crippled at 73 never married and no one gives a rat’s ass what will happen to me. I have become an expert in my field of academic study that is critically important in the modern era and it’s like pulling teeth to get anyone to even glance on years of my work. The message is that I have lived long enough now go away. They don’t care here you go but just get out of here. It’s the disposable attitude applied to people. They have used you up. You still might have some use but they throw you away anyway.
Maybe make an exiting video explaining your subject ?
❤
what's your field?
I am very risk-averse and this is so true. As a man if you do nothing no one is gonna come and give you shit. You do have to take risks.
Thanks for the video, it really helps making me reflect.
Yeah man, nobody is gonna come and help with no shit. You have to do it yourself. It is what it is.
Same bro
This makes me so depressed but I know from experience it's true. It's important to not have wishful thinking in life. From an invisible-feeling 30 year old.
The good news is women are a bonus to life after one has found their own enjoyment in life that didn’t include women at first.
Many people say 30 is just the start of life for a man. If you found the advice useful, then you're fortunate to hear it at an early age, as there's plenty to time to act.
Free yourself from desire and get a hobby. You'll thank me later
As a 44 year old man who has been through a divorce and two failed engagements, trust me your ahead of the curve. If a partner is really what you seek hit the gym and get really good at whatever your job is, once done with that build a small group of guy friends (3 or 4) and get really good with them. After that the women will come to you, this I swear to you. Speaking from experience. Also, don't take the first one that comes.
Why would this make you depressed? For a very small amount of effort shopping you can be the first guy women notice in a room. Women aren't hard, our own trauma and insecurities are.
The branding solution is a double edged sword;
1. You're literally showing competence, ability and impact by setting up your brand and owning it. Its in one sense, a form of control. The better you do it, the more you can be compared to with others for the selection process in dating. A brand does not mean you have to sell yourself to a presentation you're not comfortable with. It means you find one fitting for you, that represents your meaning and potential to others. If you're a nerd who looks like a nerd and solve problems not even other nerds can, then that can be your brand! As long as its relatively easy to recognise.
2. It hides the inability of people to tell value and impact apart from appearances, relevant to the judgers. They need to be deceived because they cannot distill it when its hiding in plain sight in fromt of them. In this sense, you're marketing yourself with the inability to see you at all (or due circumstance such as trauma).
The reason branding is needed is BECAUSE you're valuable all by yourself. Men and women alike. You're already enough. You're helping your family, your friends, you can probably manage raising children when you put your mind to it. But it does not manifest in a way that other people can recognise. They may not agree to your methods or idealogies.
Some of you men are so powerful, that you could be the next Einstein or top athelete. Yet nobody gives you any credit because your competence itself cannot be recognised because its so distant from cultural expectations, and you're not branding yourself using the opportunities those abilities bring.
That's what brands are all about; If people cannot anticipate what you can do in life, they'll not give you the chance to proof it. That'd be draining for an entire different reason. So brands are about using culture in such a way, it unlocks your ability to show yourself off when appropriate. The greatest brand is the one that constantly gives you the opportunity to manifest your powers without anyone hurting as a byproduct. That's why having passion in your work is a great way to build your brand. In line with this reasoning, one can argue a great brand represents great competence and opportunity to manifest it. And the more competence and opportunity you have, the more potential you have to influence others.
Yeah, no.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Please share your view on it. I'm open to be corrected :)
@@msc8382 I don't like your philosophy, that's all. Capitalism created all this dysfunction. We are no longer a family, a marriage, a nation. Just assholes in SUVs with social media and credit cards.
From a biological perspective one woman is worth ten men. However, marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows because traditional women benefit from feminist laws and don't lobby for change.
Let's translate that into something usable: show off your money, or show off the results of the skills you cultivated instead of a valuable career. That's basically what "using culture" boils down to. You need to find images commonly associated with success, then become one of those images.
"Men have to stand out."
I don't "have" to do anything if I'm content and in peace with myself.
He's trying to get men to go above and beyond for the expectations of worthless, ran through women. Ummmmm....I'll do what I want.....for me.
Yup, considering that the "biscut" is the equivalent of a stale communion wafer, I'm all set.
I understand your point if you not looking for.. anything. But doing the best to blend in seems like baby zebra behavior, not masculine behavior. Too fancy, peacock, starving for attention.
Classy and adequate, but ok with being different ✅️ IMO. White and light at the beach because it's right even if everyone else dresses nonsensical black jeans. (To make it oversimple, doesn't need to be looks, can be opinion, lifestyle...)
PS: If you are in peace, probably you stand out then, without doing anything intentionally or with effort. Wu wei? 😊
@@alexmarques2398 My point is, that a man should define himself - of course after he learned the ins and outs of the world at a young age.
Isn't that the Sigma mindset so many strive for? Of course most who claim to be Sigma males are again just looking for someone who defines their identity for them.
You're so at peace with yourself that you needed to publicly comment to convince yourself of it...
Agreed. Do not be afraid to stand out and wear cool looking outfits.
Bearded bald guys with sunglasses and sports hat for dayssss
So I dabbled in some free verse poetry. Perhaps someone will find it helpful as a mantra.
In the dance of life, I'll take the lead,
Seizing the wonders the world does concede.
With courage ablaze, I'll brave each storm,
In the winds of change, my spirit will transform.
Dreams aflame, I'll fiercely pursue,
In the depths of desire, I'll find what's true.
With each step forward, my story's told,
In the embrace of life, I'll be bold.
Meh, I'd rather be left alone anyway 😂
This is brilliant. Definitely helping put some conversations in proper context.
I've made peace with the fact that I'm "invisible", but it took years of accepting that I am a socially awkward introvert in order to do so.
W MGTOW. No divorce. No loss of assets. No child support. No alimony. No child custody battles. No false allegations. No legal fees.
The question is: Are you happy and content with the way it is? If you are, that's all that matters.
Introvert here. I used to be socially awkward in my elementary school days. After years of learning, I started becoming socially fluent in my senior high school days. Being socially fluent takes time, but trust me, it's possible.
I've found as a socially awkward introvert to listen more and ask short open ended questions.
That's great to hear. This is why the 'be yourself' crowd can take a hike. Women say that then try and get you to display their versus of manly behavior.
Be dominate.
Be loud
Be showy
as a fellow introvert i'd rather be alone.
There are some good introverted women out there but they're are super hard to find. Alot of them pair up with extroverted guys
I just found your channel and wow! I knew that I was looking for someone who could inspire me as well as teach me how to get out of this stuck position in my life. Your channel is exactly what I need in the stage of life I am at! Thank you!
I've been enjoying your content over the last few months. Your discussions have helped connect and understand many social concepts to experiences I've had in the real world.
Your videos are truly thought provoking. Great work!
Differentiating yourself can sometimes take the form of slightly deviating from the acceptable, comfortable, no-risk option. I think as men, it is important to embody our ideals and test them in the real world by taking chances. Sometimes you'll lose, sometimes you'll win, in the end you're competing with yourself. Taking a chance can be biggest favor you do for yourself.
Damn, just watched 6 of your videos in a row. Very thought provoking, thanks so much for writing a clear script and having a clear point with each!
Amazing videos. Neat, professional and clear. Thank you so much for clarity.
Great Content. Ive always wondered exactly what kind of image im putting out. its difficult for me because i have always been the wall paper i suppose. ive neglected my appearance. and rarely known what kind of look i can present confidently. this video has inspired me to consider my frame and image more.
Another masterpiece video by the great doctor himself, learning so much from this guy and loving it
Your content extremely valuable and honest. I wish you explosive growth and success.
Thanks Orion, this is something I’ve definitely noticed in todays world.💪🏻🏋🏻
One thing I have noticed in my area is that to successfully date someone in a specific social group you basically have to dress the part. Want a country girl? Dress redneck. Want classy girl? Dress for success. An alt girl? Generic metal band member attire. What I will say is regardless of what I just said the video's message stands true: be somebody not just another guy. I really enjoyed the message, thank you!
Exactly right. You also can get aspirational types. So for instance a gym girl who wears lots of athlesiure and is outdoorsy may really like the mental image of the classy dude with the nice job and luxury sedan. Or there are classy / preppy northeast girls who secretly really want the country look on a guy (not the stuff that comes with it)
- my 2 cents
No, don't be a chameleon. Dress up your own self in mind. The other way is not sustainable.
Don't focus on your dress. Look inside yourself. Don't be just another sheep, that's how you stand out. Most people are just sheep.
Black T-shirt and jeans. done
The risk completely outweighs the potential benefit in modern relationships. It's not worth men being involved with women in 2023 due to the latter's hypergamy. Far better to live your life as you like without a millstone dragging you down, and pay a professional if you want intimacy (seeing as you pay either way.)
Well said Delia Smith.
@@sammyb1651 Tehe ❤️
I swear I post something to this effect on all of you video content, but my god, YOU NEVER MISS! Also this was the more hilarious presentations I've watched of yours. KEEP GOING PSYCHACKS
Thank you Orion, I really needed to hear this. 👍
Orion, this video was so cool! Not only did I learn this bit of reality, but by making it somewhat interactive (I clicked the link), it was also fun. Cheers!
A good example of this was when I was in the military. When I was in the town where my base was located I never wore my uniform. People and women in that town were used to seeing military guys so you really didn't standout in uniform.
However I remember going to my home town on leave one time and wearing my uniform one night to go bar hopping. I had a blast! Women and other dudes wanted to talk to me and shake my hand while offering to buy me a drink
What branch bro? The Marine corps will destroy you for wearing your uniform outside of the base.
I was Navy. Back then we could wear our uniform anywhere back home in the US I wore it to church back home. I drew a crowd. However we could not do that overseas. Marines seem to have the best uniforms. Seems like you guys would love to wear it back home.
@@dewayne3615 I guess all those Marines who do "Toys for Tots" are all going to be facing Article 15's... Maybe you meant cammies, in which case I would agree with you, but dress blues or the service uniform? Have at it.
@@rayg.2431 nothin like some tailored chucks
This video really resonated with me. We as men need to take risk to break away from the norm
Well that was close, thank God I work in Rock climbing and do Tech as a hobby
I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS, I wish there was a more structured way to watch, where one idea adds on top of the next like a class... but I love it i love it
Thanks for motivation doc
Admittedly, I dress very modest. I dress clean, simple and functional. Because this is what my personality is like. If I was needy for attention and stares, I would probably dress differently. If I were to pick a different character, it would most likely not feel congruent and I would not live up to expectations. Rather be down to earth, comfortable, overseen by most, and loved and appreciated by a few. There are enough pretenses in the world already.
That's a common strategy in itself: Most of women would prefer a clean look on a guy.
Also, that's what the industry is serial-producing for men; good bascis are called "essentials" meaning "secure choice" over "love at first sight" in a changing world!
Basics give an illusion of security and what's considered clean from a man could be different from a woman view.
Don't get me wrong I totally identify with your comment. It might be interesting to get clear on our own game: the way we present ourseves is a signal of the way we could be treated...
BTW, minimal is a style in itself! Look Apple creator😄
@@rmzmssmd5410 But I don't view it as a strategy, just a truthful expression of who I am. I once viewed everything as a strategy, but it made me uncomfortable and self conscious. I have since been in a process of peeling off my layers and expressing myself more purely, it made me relax more in my own skin.
If you already have a specific look that you think clearly communicates who you are (clean, practical) then here is a tip from someone in marketing:
The easiest way to stand out is to change the environment. Go to places where most of the men look the opposite of what you are. You will stand out. Carefully pick a place where the women are what you want.
Example: white boring accountant guy couldn’t get anyone at his usual downtown club where the wallstreet guys went, so he went to a bachata club. What the women saw, a successful blonde blue eyed guy with a stable job. Not the same ol rico suave wannabes with no job.
@@ocmetals4675 Spot-on ;)
Your style of thinking is really refreshing. Thanks very much.
This channel is brilliant. Another hit video.
Thanks!
Taking a risk at my age is moot advice, especially given the shitshow that dating as an older undistinguished man is. The world has passed me by, its ok even if it hurts. The world WILL pass most of us by, no matter
I recommend you visit Phillipines. You'll be popular enough. 😉
@@GUITARTIME2024heck the Filipinas here in London are all over me! Beautiful kind and slim women in their 40s - I'm 50.
@simontmn cool but remember, they are likely on work visas, and theyre past 40. They have a decent paycheck maybe but fundamentally they will end up back in phillpines at some point as an older woman with few prospects. Go-to Phillpines and you'll land a 25 year old.
@@GUITARTIME2024 my one's been here 15 years (and earns more than me currently), the one I hooked up with my friend 23 years. But yes if you're 50 and want a 20 year old go to the Philippines.
You still have life do something most people don’t. Then keep doing more unique experiences. I strongly believe if you keep at it frequently and consistently it will invigorate your spark of life. May god be with you
Interesting and very telling, thank you Dr. Taraban!
Your channel is gold.
This is *powerful* stuff. I was so focused and enjoying myself in _being_ mostly all of these guys that I forgot that I had to also communicate visually. Thank you!
Haven’t watched the video yet. Will offer something more afterwards. But I can’t help but laugh that you’re using the Game Grumps developed “Dream Daddy” game as an example
Side note. Aside from the thought provoking academic insight you provide. The occasional moments when you (Orion) curse or use a more casual analogy makes you more relatable when your personality shines through.
This channel is nothing but quality on a level I haven’t seen from other people in a similar space. It’s like Jordan Peterson if he focused solely on evolutionary psychology, which isn’t the only thing you discuss, but has been a lot of the content you’ve been putting out recently. More than likely because it’s a hot topic, algorithm friendly (-ish), and important.
Thanks for articulating things as succinctly as you do.
Exactly Doc. Great video as always. I am in the Bay Area and you understand your point.
Love the shirt. Very on point!!
Been "risking it" and trying new things, for years. I'm doing the right things and I'm still treated as invisible. Not sure what to do this.
The biscuit is not worthy. MGTOW
Get better genes. Preferably top 5-10%; that seems to be enough.
If you risk it too much, a woman will use you for your $ & then throw you away
Men at gala events sport arm candy
and thus receive attention for their
ability attract an alluring partner.
@@travis3430
Found out it's the opposite. I was surprised.
I Googled
Hook Up Culture and
Cuffing Culture.
Sounds like musical chairs.
Yes! Accentuate your positive traits. I do not "blend in". I know all my positive physical traits (tall, 6'3", great muscular legs, healthy shiny hair,etc.) - and I accentuate these qualities.
Your physical look is the first impression. Easy to strike up a little chat when they're staring at you! If you're short, maybe you have broad shoulders. Lose that little gut and wear shirts that accentuate your taper... You get the picture. Life is short, show them whatcha got! They sure show us their attributes!
I truly mean no offence but what the hell is so "positive" about being 6"3, huge legs and shiny hair? Like, it's fine to accentuate those things but, don't give them too much credit. Your actions are what determine who you are. Not your physical appearance. Which is fading with each passing day I might add.
@@CliveRosefield Appearance is an introduction. What you personally find attractive in me is irrelevant. Many women find my traits attractive, and then we talk and then we get to know each other.
@@CliveRosefield The whole video is about the value of aesthetics in attracting a mate. The original, currently unedited comment, clearly says "my positive physical traits". So why are you whining about beauty being only skin deep? We know. It doesn't alter that many women are greatly covetous of a man over 6ft. Also you sound quite bitter, telling Claude his looks are fading. Are you going to post your height for us?
Totally right. I'm 5'8 but when I trim down it's a whole other reaction.
Thank you very much for this advice! I really needed it
haha you’re the man. love the content. no sarcasm - it’s great.
Not only men, majority of women are wearing safe outfits, ie, jeans, tee, sweatshirt, tunic, sensible shoes. It is so boring to see people stick to wearing uniform like everyone else.
You missed the point of the video if you think any of this advice was about clothes. But yes, most people are shockingly... like most people.
@@maszk9743 "Think as you like but appear to be like others" (semi-quote) It's a strategy for safety.
@@maszk9743 you took my comment in face value pun intended. He talks about being wallpaper blending into background. What we wear says a lot about our person. You can try to not judge a book by its cover but our getup is the first thing we see. Kids want to dress like their peers to not stand out. Adults do the same. Very few are brave enough to be different.
@@33Jenesis I agree with you on the point you make. Clothes are important, but they are not YOU. People are generic and boring, and some try to distinguish themselves by dressing differently. But in reality, they are just as much of a normie as everyone else. In order to become truly special, you have to not only have the capacity to be extraordinary, but to do extraordinary things as well. Once you actually start standing out, you calibrate your clothing to make yourself stick out less.
@@maszk9743 in this day and age, being a daring dresser is rare to see. How many generic looking ppl you pass by everyday not giving a second of thought? Some of them could have been absolutely exemplary but you’d never know. Dressing is window dressing, to illicit your interest to take a look inside. If the inside is generic, empty, or chaotic, bail. If the inside is as enticing or fascinating, stick around. Life is short. Dressing to please my own aesthetic senses is one of the sure pleasures I can control. Interestingly people notice my penchant for window dressing (colleagues, women in my chorus, and neighbors in my retirement park) even though I don’t do it for praise. Giving time, I inevitably stand out and am noticed, first by people who are intuitive about colors, shapes, and material, and then by people who aren’t intuitive about fashion and style who’d say something about my outfits.
Good analogy, and while many men are wallpaper, others-as I explained in a video-are the equivalent of a teacup-sized dog in a woman's designer purse. That is to say, an accessory serving the performative function of drawing attention to her.
Dr. O’Captain… great insight on this channel
Risk it for the biscuit! Thank you for that video, I needed that.
So Mystery The Pickup Artist was on point with his "Peacock Theory".
Lmao 😂
Lol
I know a thing or two about "standing out."
I'm a bodybuilder. I'm jacked like a wrestle bears for the circus. I'm also rather stoic & don't speak too terribly much, but when I do, everyone shuts the hell up & listens. Being the most physically imposing male in the room makes it easy to command the space with just a few words of insight.
So does being jacked AF attract women? My experience tells me it does, though that has little to do with why I lift. I'm driven to lift by an archetypal force that expresses itself through intense, physical action. If I were a much younger man I'd be training to fight in MMA as that would be the most glorious expression of that force. It was never something I asked for, it was just in me from birth. So I have to do what I'm driven to do. Everything else comes after that.
Inspirational. Thank you
Thanks Brother Orion! That was good….
100% correct about men having to take risks in order to be successful in life. And the younger you do this, the better. Its a lot easier to bounce back from a loss in your 20s than your 40s plus.
except if you in your 20s and a risk fails you might have to live with your parents. In your 40s you just find another job.
I live in the Bay Area and stand out by being a more traditional and masculine man from the Midwest. Also I love your content!
Oh yeah you definitely will. It’s so bizarre how that happens but it’s sought after in California for sure
The dream daddy breakdown was amazing😤
Consistently fantastic content
Learn to embody every archetype and you will be the best kind of man.
NEVER be a weak man. Be a discerning man of principle and virtue, honor, integrity and humility.
Be a monster who knows when to break his own chains.
With freedom comes responsibility. A man’s terms are not negotiable- they are required for cooperation.
Philosophy & integrity gentleman.
Never bend a knee. Stand as a king amongst kings as brothers and you’ll never loose.
Ugh, your s/n
Embody every archetype? Sounds like a lot of work for a goal that is unattainable. Better choose one and personalize it.
@@profet1385more like choose what is comfortable before going to the next and have no pressure trying to do so
When you differentiate yourself, you become a target-for better or worse. Have the cojones to walk your path, change what needs to be changed, improve what needs to be improved, take responsibility for all of your actions, and you will be able to become the best that you can be.
Good that you are wearing a much better looking shirt. Thanks for the program.
I've recently discovered your channel and I must say I've been enjoying your videos ever since. God bless the YT algorithm! I'm not looking for dating advice per se, however, I found your videos very informative which made me try to improve my dating game. I love listening to what experts have to say about relationships, love and dating, I've always found psychology interesting and I find dating a never-boring subject to talk about (probably most of us do). Thank you for your insights!
Liked and subscribed, keep 'em coming!
What makes dating an interesting subject to me is the dichotomy and diversity within the male/female attraction equation..
By putting all men as equal as possible (wallpaper term is spot on), those that happen to stand out (positively) even in that setting are beyond the doubt of a woman’s mind the best picks. The guy couldn’t have cheated his way into looking more than what he really is.
I think it’s all by design, it’s ok for women to lie about their enhanced appearances (multibillion dollars industries, magazines/blogs about it everywhere, etc) but it’s definitely very frowned upon for men to lie about their status, height, etc (just look online about women that discovered later on about their date using taller than usual shoe soils).
I understand it, one of the worst mistakes a woman can make mate selection wise is thinking she picked a top guy to then later realize it was a low tier one too late afterwards. Also why there’s lately a lot of correction help: easier than ever to trigger a divorce, easier than ever to dispose of pregnancy (99% are elective, in the states that can legally keep track of stats, meaning “I had second thoughts of having HIS kids”), it’s always men’s fault, etc
I used to wear a sports jacket over a grey t-shirt or turtleneck. It was kind of my trademark, it stood out and was really easy to do. I don’t know if it impressed anyone, but it It annoyed some people who started asking me why do I regularly overdress 😅 I thought, best to ignore them. Now I live in a place where it's way too warm for sports jackets..
Very interesting video. I would like to offer some feedback which, on second thought, is even related to your own message in this video.
Aside from your character and charisma, originally the reason why I subscribed and watched your videos was the fact that you are a psychologist. In this regard, I was hoping for many insights that are backed by science or your own experiences as a professional practitioner. Now, my feeling(!) is that lately this often was not the case. Your topics are interesting but I found myself often saying that I have heard this many times before (I am 35 now and have been dealing with this realm for many years). You do give interesting thoughts to it and I like how balanced you discuss these topics and navigate the world of dating which is often full of ideologies and hardened fronts. But in the end, those differences are somewhat subtle and I think your psychology background could give you a great edge in this content so that you will not be a „wallpaper“ in the end as well but stick out. A similar trend/niche is observable in the fitness industry, where science backed bodybuilding advice has become very popular as a counter movement to „bro science“ where the guys just ramble and share their personal opinions about lifting.
Having said all that, I really like your content, so thank you. Cheers from Germany.
Your channel challenges my constantly (in positive ways).
& now we know why we've seen a huge rise in men using steroids etc...men know their physique is the only thing they can change.
The Only thing? No. But it's the most basic, easy and straightforward, all while building valuable mindset.
It's called a beard! That's the human equivalent of a peacock's plume, a lion's mane, or a moose's antlers.
Clothing, jewelry, cars, etc are secondary.
As a beard god, I can tell you that I get a very amusing and curious envy from men who can't grow a decent beard. It's just genetics, not an actual accomplishment but they are so rattled when they stand next to me. I laugh it off.
Not really.
great video!
Hey Orion, love the channel do you perhaps have a video on how to have a better vibe? Assuming a person has a few different interests. Do you feel that some people aren’t open enough and perhaps a bit boring are okay for a relationship or would it all depend on role that guy is playing?
I think I've watched every single one of your videos.
10/10 - Seriously. I hope you read this.
You're doing The Lord's work.
Marketing one thing, but the product matters just as much. There are those who dress well but have no personnalities. Find and build who you are first and you will all stand out as we are all unique. Dressing is just a small part.
BIG misunderstanding here.. We are NOT that unique, and you use it as an excuse for not getting out of your comfortzone. ;)
Thanks for the video,very useful
Loved this video... could not agree more. 😊
This is a great video. I heard it elsewhere as “polarization.” Basically a man almost exaggerates his own image to the point where you either have women who are really into your type, or really not into. Better than staying in the muddy middle.
In life I have to do this because most of the close guy friends I hang out with are very good looking and females just zero in on them when we are in a group. But after tweaking my appearance a bit it worked really well for me.
Trust me my words here.. If you really are one of the few men who actually do stand out, you will be surprised how many women who would do whatever it takes to get you. The fact that you do stand out, makes you attractive to like 98% of all women, also the married ones or the ones you mention here as "really not into", these women does rarely exist. To a woman the stand out-men are a force of nature, a rock they can rely on. And that is 98% of what a woman looks for in a man - Security, on all levels for whatever it takes. ;)
What did you do to make yourself stand out
A lot depends on the society. With financial security obsessed India and other Asian societies, it's wallpaper that is in demand. Provided it's new, with large coverage area, expensive looking and in a big building.
Nice shirt bro!
The problem is that if you create a look/persona to get the girl, when you succeed and revert back to type she's gonna cry foul and drop you for the next fantasy.